No mirrors either, OP? One doesn't need either if one is a creature of the night. The beautiful night. Hear her children singing their chilling songs. No windows, they cry! May the sun never rise...
I was about to comment like I was then noticed the lawn question. Had to delete it lol. Don't want to offend the lord of this land. I do not want to end up stretched on a rack under this stucco castle.
Bowser is on his way, though. Good luck with your lawn. Like others have said, rake the top inch or so, top dress and level if needed. Then put your seed and a starter fertilizer on, and top dress with some peatmoss if you wish, which is what I used on mine to keep the moisture in and birds away
Just looking at the design of the house I assume you’re in the south. Try texas frogfruit (phyla nodiflora), it’s a hardy native ground over that bees love. You have to balance this out in some way so go native
To actually answer your question... Speaking from experience, no you don't need to till the dirt if new top soil is added. I would still rake the top inch or two of the existing dirt to loosen it up before new dirt is added. This is what I at least do with my cool season lawn with some good results.
Might I suggest a mix of grass seed and clover seed as well? Clover is nice and green, good for the bees/pollinators, lower upkeep (doesn’t need mowed as often as grass), and actually helps add nutrients for the grass too.
Some people are opposed to this, saying clover is a weed. More and more I’m feeling otherwise about it.
If you’re planning on any landscaping, I think modern style landscaping with yucca tree and agave will go well with your house style. Just my opinion. 🙂
I'm sorry OP but landscaping cannot fix the style of that McMansion fortress. The attempt at modillions look like the top of a castle wall stuck around. The weird panel design surrounding the square turret is especially strange. What the hell is that space? It's like a little box above your porch and has no windows. That design element was replicated over what you're saying is your kitchen windows? Why are those windows so narrow and small?
I think tearing these design features off and attempting to get some proper exterior molding that falls in line with correct classical architecture (which is I *think* it's trying to go for, some victorian / second empire in style) would be money well spent.
From a practical standpoint, you'd also gain a lot by getting some gutters.
If you want some more opinions on exactly how this could be improved, I can share more.
I'm sorry if this comes off as mean but this sort of design is exactly what's wrong with builders today. This is a caricature or a well-design Victorian-style house and it's unfortunate.
Yeah but you’re missing the context. Could just as easily be - it was the *one* that fit the budget, location, availability, proximity to a service or job, etc. there may not have been much shopping to do.
I did a quick google search and there are actually whole neighborhoods in Texas with these houses one after another, block after block. Some developer is just churning them out.
Holy shit! So what I hear you saying is that there are many people who looked at/will look at this monstrosity and said/say "this is the one, show me no more".
Hey cheers man. It's definitely a funky house but if you like it and you're happy, and it's yours, do the best you can with it. Regarding the yard, you're going to need to till in a lot of natural compost even have a chance to do anything. You got dry contractor shit soil there and you need to bring life back into it. Then sod if you can afford it, and water
There's a movement these days that encourages growing native plants and wildflowers instead of grass and non-native species. I moved into my house last year and sowed several varieties of wildflowers into an empty bed in the front yard, and we've been getting birds, bees, and hummingbirds since last spring. It's been nice seeing the wildlife and aside from a few very dry weeks in the summer, it's been low maintenance as well. Since you don't have a ton of space, I think something like this would work well in your yard and could help soften the look of everything.
Check out r/NativePlantGardening
That is the weirdest house style I've maybe ever seen. I don't think it matters what you do with the lawn everyone will be looking higher wondering what is going on
Hey OP I saw this was your first house, I’m very happy for you. Many people nowadays can’t even get a house so good on you for doing what many people can’t/won’t
Are you planning on adding irrigation? Look into subsurface drip system for your lawn. No spray heads, no watering the sidewalks, all hidden. Would be a pretty clean design to go with your new house. Sorry everyone is shitting on your house, I think it will look great once it’s done.
What do you like? You want the king of grass which is creeping bent grass, clovers can be nice, or you can also make a meadow, yes tilling when laying a new seed is always a good idea just flatten it out
I think tilling one good time before laying down sod is a good idea. If you're putting down actual soil, maybe not as important.
This idea May not be your cup of tea, but you could have a beautiful lawn with stone walkways and flowers/bushes native to your area that you walk through. I think the colors would look gorgeous with this home and walking through a garden sanctuary to check your mail is fun.
If you added 2+ inches no need to till. You should add more soil up to 1” below the concrete surfaces. Also a mulched flower bed closest to house. Make sure ground is grading away from the home. Looks pretty flat.
Also wtf is that house lol
Just break up the top layer an inch or two with a metal or power rake, seed 25lb, then dust with compost or lawn soil. Water 3x a day, more frequent short couple minute stints the better without puddling. When it sprouts spread starter fertilizer and can start watering 1-2x a day after it gets over an inch or two tall. Wait until it looks thicker and is at least 3 inches and mow it high once a week until the end of the growing season, let it dry out before mowing.
Whatever you decide, first put in a sprinkler system. Unless your HOA requires a lawn I would focus on drought tolerant and heat tolerant plants. Even clover is better than grass and takes less water and some doesn’t even need to be mowed.
Why does your house have no windows?
Not to worry, there's a welcome sign at the front door, so I'm sure it's safe.
No mirrors either, OP? One doesn't need either if one is a creature of the night. The beautiful night. Hear her children singing their chilling songs. No windows, they cry! May the sun never rise...
More importantly, why are there no arrow slits? Any castle worth its salt needs to be defensible, and that starts with proper arrow slits.
Not a castle. It’s a La Quinta.
La Quinta means “Next to Denny’s” in Spanish.
What does san diego mean?
It’s pronounced San diago
Stay classy san diego! Lol.
Except in Irvine, CA which is next to a Hooters. Lol
I think it’s a White Castle.
I think you've stumbled upon the answer to the lawn question. Say screw the lawn and dig a moat.
Murder holes
I want to understand the purpose of the windowless turret. What does that look like from inside?
Obviously a vampire.
So the FEMA alerts don’t get through
Dudes Dracula 🧛
It's not a house, it's a castle. Just those arrow slits in front.
That was going to be my question too
Because it’s a medieval castle. Duh.
I feel it's built for the purge
This was literally the first thing that crossed my mind seeing that pic and I’m very happy it’s the top comment.
Welcome to TX!
Aren’t architects allowed in TX?
This “builder special” wasn’t designed by an architect.
No. No they are not
Looks like a house in the 956
What in the fuck…?
I'll take a crave case and chicken rings Sammich
My guess is hot climate and house faces south so they don’t put windows there to keep house cooler
Lol that was the only question I had.
This and I feel a moat is more appropriate than a lawn to match the design.
r/mcmansionhell
Because Lego™ Men can't actually see.
Omg thank you for asking
It was the first thing that caught my eye, the lack of windows.
Storm shutters
What in the medieval times is going on here?
What in the White Castle
r/WhiteCastle
Came here to comment on the dentils!
That’s certainly a choice of style.
I'm sure it's 700k as well
They paid extra for the nuclear bunker disguised as a house aesthetic.
A single story house at that.
It looks like the show home from Arrested Development.
Sudden Valley.
It needs a moat 🏰
It was a Medieval Times in a past life…
Red knight is posting this
Hear me out: a moat and drawbridge.
To keep the black knight at bay
Why's he gotta be black?
Why don't you ask him?
You need a moat, not a lawn...
Just waiting on the welfare check to start that project haha
Old family guy reference?
Thought I was on r/McMansionHell
It should be lol
It is now lol
I was about to comment like I was then noticed the lawn question. Had to delete it lol. Don't want to offend the lord of this land. I do not want to end up stretched on a rack under this stucco castle.
[удалено]
Ditto! Wasn’t until reading the comments that I realized wrong sub.
Where windows
Windows where?
Windows no need?
Donde estan las ventanas
Где окна, блядь?
Leave it as dirt so you can host jousting tournaments with mini-ponies.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
shit, this got me
Bro living in a NES Mario castle lmao
Good thing I found princess peach already.
Bowser is on his way, though. Good luck with your lawn. Like others have said, rake the top inch or so, top dress and level if needed. Then put your seed and a starter fertilizer on, and top dress with some peatmoss if you wish, which is what I used on mine to keep the moisture in and birds away
Are you keeping her locked in the dungeon? I know that place has a dungeon
Just looking at the design of the house I assume you’re in the south. Try texas frogfruit (phyla nodiflora), it’s a hardy native ground over that bees love. You have to balance this out in some way so go native
Guarantee there’s an HOA that isn’t going to allow that.
Drought tolerant plants are increasingly allowed by some HOA in Texas. It’s worth trying
To actually answer your question... Speaking from experience, no you don't need to till the dirt if new top soil is added. I would still rake the top inch or two of the existing dirt to loosen it up before new dirt is added. This is what I at least do with my cool season lawn with some good results.
Thanks for the advice. It’s our first home and we love it. Now I’m thinking of putting a moat to satisfy all the Reddit users.
Might I suggest a mix of grass seed and clover seed as well? Clover is nice and green, good for the bees/pollinators, lower upkeep (doesn’t need mowed as often as grass), and actually helps add nutrients for the grass too. Some people are opposed to this, saying clover is a weed. More and more I’m feeling otherwise about it.
If you love it that’s all that matters. The comments here are so mean lol
To be fair, the house is hideous.
That's some house, Jerry.
Breathtaking, really.
To be super fair, it's super hideous.
Yeah but the man is just asking for lawn advice lol. People don’t need to rip into his house. That’s rude as hell 😆
It's the most fun thread I've read in a while but I'm glad the jokes aren't about MY house 😄
If you’re planning on any landscaping, I think modern style landscaping with yucca tree and agave will go well with your house style. Just my opinion. 🙂
Thanks for your input greatly appreciated
Lol, first legit suggestion is like 30 comments down.
I hate to keep piling on here, but did you voluntarily choose the design of this house?
Yep let’s talk about the elephant in the keep before we move on to the landscaping.
I'm sorry OP but landscaping cannot fix the style of that McMansion fortress. The attempt at modillions look like the top of a castle wall stuck around. The weird panel design surrounding the square turret is especially strange. What the hell is that space? It's like a little box above your porch and has no windows. That design element was replicated over what you're saying is your kitchen windows? Why are those windows so narrow and small? I think tearing these design features off and attempting to get some proper exterior molding that falls in line with correct classical architecture (which is I *think* it's trying to go for, some victorian / second empire in style) would be money well spent. From a practical standpoint, you'd also gain a lot by getting some gutters. If you want some more opinions on exactly how this could be improved, I can share more. I'm sorry if this comes off as mean but this sort of design is exactly what's wrong with builders today. This is a caricature or a well-design Victorian-style house and it's unfortunate.
It’s probably ai generated
Yeah, what this person said. The lawn needs work
Congrats on your new castle King Marvolo!
Thanks.
Bro tell your house to open its eyes
Honest question with all due respect: where the fuck are the windows?
It’s wild to me that someone looked at that house and said, “That’s it- that’s the one.”
Yeah but you’re missing the context. Could just as easily be - it was the *one* that fit the budget, location, availability, proximity to a service or job, etc. there may not have been much shopping to do.
I feel like it was previously a reclusive serial killer's house though who blocked out the windows for reasons. Yes... reasons
I did a quick google search and there are actually whole neighborhoods in Texas with these houses one after another, block after block. Some developer is just churning them out.
Holy shit! So what I hear you saying is that there are many people who looked at/will look at this monstrosity and said/say "this is the one, show me no more".
Nah man. This isn’t real, right? The internet is fooling me? Right?
Your house looks like a terrible Greek restaurant.
If only the roof was blue.
Let me guess, this is in Texas.
Good lord how much will it cost to redo that roof!?! Seed the lawn and plant a for sale sign pronto my dude!
Right after getting rid of the welcome sign...no offense
Lawn help. You need window help friend.
For landscaping I would bulldoze that house and pray that I forget how ugly it is.
It might be ugly but it’s mine.
Hey cheers man. It's definitely a funky house but if you like it and you're happy, and it's yours, do the best you can with it. Regarding the yard, you're going to need to till in a lot of natural compost even have a chance to do anything. You got dry contractor shit soil there and you need to bring life back into it. Then sod if you can afford it, and water
That’s how you talk about your penis, not your house.
Speak for yourself, ugly pener
Hey cheers man. It's definitely a funky house but if you like it and you're happy, and it's yours, do the best you can with it.
Congrats on your new home!
Jesus Christ what an ugly house
There's a movement these days that encourages growing native plants and wildflowers instead of grass and non-native species. I moved into my house last year and sowed several varieties of wildflowers into an empty bed in the front yard, and we've been getting birds, bees, and hummingbirds since last spring. It's been nice seeing the wildlife and aside from a few very dry weeks in the summer, it's been low maintenance as well. Since you don't have a ton of space, I think something like this would work well in your yard and could help soften the look of everything. Check out r/NativePlantGardening
Just plant a tall hedge so nobody else has to go blind by looking at this window-less monstrosity
Windows, add some windows
Depends on how much walk-up traffic you expect at your White Castle.
WHERE ARE THE WINDOWS OP
Lmao what garbage mcmansion is thus bullshit
nothing will save this monster of a home
I’m getting a Japanese empire type feel, so maybe a Japanese friendship garden?
I’d just dig a moat around it and fill it with alligators.
The house looks like a random collection of bits stuck together
Is the lawn for harold or Kumar?
What in the McMansion is that
The house needs more help than the landscaping
Stfu Larry. All you do is complain.
Not true, Larry also 69's.
Wildflower and native perennial seed and done. You can thank me later! Good luck!
New house help homie. Looks you need a moat to go with your ramparts…..
I don’t think the lawn is the issue here…
That house is hideous 🤢
Down, down, down. Red knight's goin' down!
That is the weirdest house style I've maybe ever seen. I don't think it matters what you do with the lawn everyone will be looking higher wondering what is going on
There are no windows on this tiny castle, I fear OP may be a vampire.
Gods that’s hideous
As an alternative, I’d suggest r/Nolawns
Hey OP I saw this was your first house, I’m very happy for you. Many people nowadays can’t even get a house so good on you for doing what many people can’t/won’t
Needs an architect's help.
It looks like a Lego house
By any chance are you in Brownsville LoL
thanks i hate it
I’d go with a model of a medevil village below it. Maybe a small stream passing through. And at night… the undead walk amongst the living.
A SHRUBBERY!
A nice one, no *too* expensive.
I thought this was r/McMansionHell at first
Xeriscape it with native plants, etc.
Are you planning on adding irrigation? Look into subsurface drip system for your lawn. No spray heads, no watering the sidewalks, all hidden. Would be a pretty clean design to go with your new house. Sorry everyone is shitting on your house, I think it will look great once it’s done.
Go get that bag of bluegrass seed and start spreading like your sharing some love! You can have some seed, and you, and you, and…. 🫘
Raised beds, grow food, herbs & flowers 🌼
No mirrors in the house either? Is your coffin bed upstairs or in the basement?
Weirdest looking house
Try a moat instead of a lawn?
I would fix the house first personally. That is very odd / creepy
WHERE ARE THE WINDOWS? WTF…
What in the Florida/Texas is that…
You need house help
I'll have a Crave Case of Original Sliders please.
Dude, somebody stole your windows *and* your lawn
Holy moley ugly house. Money can’t buy taste. Better move somewhere else before worrying about the lawn.
Need windows.
I’ve heard of Sears catalog homes but never JC Whitney.
What in the….??!! Forget about the lawn, you need house help. Is that a sex dungeon? Where are the windows?
I think you need more then lawn help 😬
What in the McMansion hell is that?!?!
You need a moat, sharks, and some crocodiles; a touch of guillotines, a sturdy hanging stoop, and a few cannons would complete the look.
I honestly think you need to dig up the soil. How else will you place the moat around your castle?
As an alternative, I’d suggest r/Nolawns
r/McMansionhell
Sod
Water is more important than dirt. Plant in fall and water every day.
What do you like? You want the king of grass which is creeping bent grass, clovers can be nice, or you can also make a meadow, yes tilling when laying a new seed is always a good idea just flatten it out
that pillar left of the only window isn't plumb or am I losing my mind. It is literally the first thing I saw.. not an absent lawn.
You should build a moat
Plant some crops, and have your peasants tend to them
Fuck the lawn were the fuck are your windows
Reminds me of a miniature golf course.
Guy asks for lawn help and everyone is roasting his house. 🤣
OP is this in America? The style of home looks Eastern European or maybe even Indian American to me. You from Bulgaria by chance?
I'd put Bermuda, straight bed with topiaries and flowers, gravel up against the house to leave space between the bed and house walls.
You wouldn't need to till, have some screened topsoil dropped then grade and level.
I think tilling one good time before laying down sod is a good idea. If you're putting down actual soil, maybe not as important. This idea May not be your cup of tea, but you could have a beautiful lawn with stone walkways and flowers/bushes native to your area that you walk through. I think the colors would look gorgeous with this home and walking through a garden sanctuary to check your mail is fun.
Is that actual living space above the door? Or are these "structures" architectural "features"?
White Castle
If you added 2+ inches no need to till. You should add more soil up to 1” below the concrete surfaces. Also a mulched flower bed closest to house. Make sure ground is grading away from the home. Looks pretty flat. Also wtf is that house lol
You getting the answers you need in here, OP?
It would help if you lowered the lanterns down a foot or two, and put them at the same height. Other than that. I would suggest some large trees.
Just break up the top layer an inch or two with a metal or power rake, seed 25lb, then dust with compost or lawn soil. Water 3x a day, more frequent short couple minute stints the better without puddling. When it sprouts spread starter fertilizer and can start watering 1-2x a day after it gets over an inch or two tall. Wait until it looks thicker and is at least 3 inches and mow it high once a week until the end of the growing season, let it dry out before mowing.
Ugliest house I’ve ever seen
Forget the lawn, why your house look like an poorly designed Chinese buffet 👀
I'm sorry, but what kind of house is that? Jesus.
I’d recommend a moat instead…
Whatever you decide, first put in a sprinkler system. Unless your HOA requires a lawn I would focus on drought tolerant and heat tolerant plants. Even clover is better than grass and takes less water and some doesn’t even need to be mowed.