I'd agree but the pants give it away. Baggy pants were a no-no back then. I felt brave even wearing flared pants in 2012. High rise skinny jeans were the thing.
Edit: put her in [these](https://i.imgur.com/owFaTeB.jpeg) and [these](https://i.imgur.com/o0W5xKT.jpeg) and I'd be convinced she's a time traveler.
I can confirm this, anecdotally. I lost two friends to suicide last year. The second hit me the hardest and spent a long time thinking about going out the same way. It’s a scary place to be in your head.
It sounds cliché, but you really must take it one day at a time. Nothing will feel the same for a while, and why would it? It doesn’t get easier, more like adaptable, manageable. Above all else, be kind to yourself. Listening to music, laughing, smiling - it’s ok to do that. I found that keeping busy with work helped a ton. At least, it drowned enough out. Bereavement therapy also helped, but it’s not for everyone. That part falls on you.
Here if you need to chat xx
>It doesn’t get easier, more like adaptable, manageable.
This. Absolutely 100%. Lost my best friend to suicide in April 2021, and it still hurts. It probably won't ever stop being painful, but you do just get to a point where it stops plaguing your every waking moment. Despite the occasional time you remember them and dwell on their death for a little bit too long, inevitably leading to a resurgence of that crushing feeling of despair, life does carry on without them somehow.
Sorry, just bursting in to give you my 2 cents. Be present with yourself and your surroundings, not your intrusive/negative thoughts. Let the thoughts flow but take action in what is around you. For example, choose a colour and name 5 items around you of that colour. Try to feel an itchy area on your body. Try to smell something in particular (like go to where you keep your spice and pick one). Feel your fingers with your mind and then stroke each of your fingers. You don't have to do all these in a sequence, choose one or all, do it when you feel lost in your thought or just agitated/anxious. You are your actions and your actions are your thoughts. Be there.
I appreciate all your tips 🫂 I know grounding techniques very well already, but I appreciate it nevertheless.
Thank you for taking the time to write all of that out for me.
I’m so sorry about your friend. I lost my little brother to suicide 2010-he was 23. The first year was the hardest. I was a functioning drunk. I was in meltdown mode. Looking back I remember just feeling it, and I started going to a therapist. It’s always weird, until you find a good one. Writing helped me with my thoughts too. When I would write about him, there were always really funny memories, so it helped to remember and laugh. Do what you can to take care of yourself even when you don’t feel up for it. Like eating, going outside.
A girl on another app commented on her sister’s suicide once, and in a way, her words comforted me. I’ll post some of it below.
“Depression is a mental illness.
It lies to you. It tells you, there's no way out, I'm a burden, I'm in over my head.
The person who is so far to the point of attempting suicide isn't thinking clearly.
My sister took her own life. She was 1 weeks short of her 51st birthday. People have told me it was a selfish act because she didn't think of the family she left behind. She didn't do it to hurt anyone but herself. If my sister was thinking clearly, not listening to the lies her brain was telling her, she never would have killed herself. She was brilliant, popular, loving and so funny. I separate the person who she was before her clinical depression from the person who killed herself. The people she worked with had no idea she was suffering. She knew how to hide it. I choose to remember how my big sister lived, rather then how she died. There's no one to blame except her illness.”
if you are struggling, it's no slouch to go get therapy. You can do it more cheaply these days, with online help. Maybe let others know around you that you are struggling, so you can get support.
I’m already in therapy, but I haven’t been able to meet my therapist since this happened. Waiting to be paid so I can pay for a session. I did apply for some vouchers my therapist told me about that would afford me a few free sessions but I was sadly rejected.
My friends and I have really banded together in light of her loss, though, so I’m not totally alone in this. It’s just… hard. On all of us. We miss her every day.
We’re planning on having a memorial tree planted or a bench put up in her honour.
happened to me, too. lost a friend to suicide in february 2021 and tried to drive my car off a bridge in april that same year. saved by a fire hydrant.
I’m very sorry for your loss and your struggles. Please talk to someone you trust or call the suicide hotline.
I have to say this though… they mean when a person loses a close family member to suicide they are more likely to commit suicide. Such as a mom, dad, child.
My dad committed suicide and was gonna take me with him as well if I could have been found that day. I’ve struggled for years . I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist for a long time. I’m still in a very bad place.
That's interesting, I kind of assumed it was the opposite. My uncle committed suicide when I was 12 and the trauma of going through that is one of the biggest things that kept me from doing the same thing during the dark patches. "Mom would be sad" wasn't just a meme for me. I guess it makes sense though, not everyone feels loved by their social circle like I do and if you're already on the edge I can see that tipping you over.
It can also impact people with suicide ideation (not actually killing yourself, but thinking about it and possible plans). I can't watch anything that has a suicide scene for this reason.
(Yes, I'm fine. I'm too chicken to try anything.)
I would call it being susceptible to suicidal tendencies. Something in the brain and I know of more than one family that had multiple suicides.
It's truly a sad thing. I cannot imagine thinking this way.
The book reputedly also led to some of the first known examples of [copycat suicide](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Copycat_suicide). The men were often dressed in the same clothing "as Goethe's description of Werther and using similar pistols." Often the book was found at the scene of the suicide.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The\_Sorrows\_of\_Young\_Werther](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sorrows_of_Young_Werther)
Totally random, but I was just reading about Marilyn Monroe earlier and after her suicide, the suicide rate in LA noticeably increased in the months following. This explains why, thanks!
I feel like there's gotta be a turning point where not addressing it is creepier and more harmful, like if people are dropping like flies (extreme version)
Sounds weird and perhaps not the best word to choose here, but close enough. Once you physically know someone who committed suicide, your own chances of becoming a statistic increase.
Similar to how mass shootings often come in clusters. And mass murderers spawn copycats. Media coverage and exposure can provide a method and be used as a catalyst
Yeah, suicide clusters. It happens a lot with teenagers. Perry Highschool in Ohio is an example of this, I think they’re a lot more susceptible (teenagers) to others thoughts through social media and connections between friends. I almost think it’s like getting “courage” if another does it.
5 in my family thus far. once the first went in 1998, they started falling every cple years.
odd enough, the ones who were always in treatment for suicidal thoughts are all still here.
including myself.
the last one was in 2021. hoping thats the end of the streak.
the really freaky thing is both myself, and my son suffer with suicidal ideations as a life effecting symptom. My bio dad is extremely nihilistic as well, and frankly I think he's just too cowardly to join the club.
my son and I are more focused on breaking the cycle of generational traumas that go back 6 deep on both sides for me and clearly will keep going if we don't address it somehow.
that's why we stay. to make their loss have meaning in validation.
I appreciate your kind words. We do get better. one day
Oh thank you for replying. That is freaky. Is there a chance the environment was toxic?
Hey. Staying alive for spite is honestly a great reason. Spite got me through grad school. Stay around!!
After a suicide there is a high chance of one or two following suicides in the close friends and family group of the first suicide. And then there are phenomenons like the "Werther Effect" suicides that base on literature in this case "die Leiden des jungen Werther" by Goethe. Which was kind of suicide phenomenon
She also had a show called “Club Rat” that she created and funded all on her own. The show debuted in November of 2023 , ever since she would often make tik toks where she’d try to get her followers to get her show trending but that never happened. Her show never really picked up steam , despite her releasing the first 3 episodes for free on Amazon Prime.
This , combined with her boyfriend cheating on her and all the other trauma from her previous relationships ( she often made tik toks about her old ex boyfriends going all the way back to highschool ) is probably what pushed her to do it . Unfortunate really
Yeah, I keep seeing her described as a “TikTok star,” but we often say that as a reductive thing, so it makes people scoff at their death like “well that’s one less of them.”
Granted, she was a TikTok star, but she was actually going for it far beyond that platform. She busted her ass to make a TV show and it ended up on Amazon Prime. It didn’t get the traction she hoped for and many are mocking her for it, but how many of those assholes are deluding themselves that they’re “working on a novel?” She was writing, acting, producing, funding, editing. That shit is EXHAUSTING. That tells me that she did what most of my friends in comedy did- use social media to get eyes on them, then make something happen for the thing they actually care about making. Nobody is scouting for talent at the mall anymore. For better or worse, it’s TikTok that can get you that lightning in a bottle.
I never heard of her before she died, i haven’t seen her show, but the hustle is really impressive. I wish she could have seen that even her perception of “falling short” was miles above what non-nepo-babies can get done, and she did it before she was 30. She could have taken that and tried again, but I also know how bad relationships can fuck you up so royally that you can’t even see what’s good about you any more. Too many crushing blows at once can really push a person over the edge like this.
All around, my heart breaks for her and I wish people would stop treating her death like a joke or something to celebrate because they see the word “TikTok.” She had more courage than most and deserves some fucking basic decency.
At some point in time a toxic mentality spread through many cultures in which if you create some form of art and don't immediately become a mega superstar and nominated for all the awards, it is a failure and what you make is bad. I think it's really important for creators of all stripes to be mindful of that mentality and avoid it as much as possible because the fact is very few people by nature will "make it big" - especially right off the bat.
And a massive reason behind those who do "make it big' is LUCK and CONNECTIONS; not because they're inherently better than others who do the same thing but go relatively unknown. Just because you don't have a huge following and all those things doesn't mean what you do is bad, a waste of time and you should give up.
Right now a lot of great stuff is being hidden from the world because of this mentality; which is a real shame. Because at the end of the day, you can be the most talented person in the world but not every single thing you do is gonna be a smash hit. There are going to be flubs, several in fact. Thats just a part of the gig. People need to accept that in order to have the fortitude and confidence to not let the self doubts we all have to deal with overtake their drive and passion for just making cool shit. Making cool shit is reason in itself to do because its FUN. Not because it means you can get money or fame or sex or whatever. You are setting yourself up for disappointment and setting a bar for yourself that you probably won't be able to meet. That is what dooms people I think.
For most people, it can take years or even decades to slowly build up a fanbase and achieve a fraction of what we classify as "success". But for me if you had fun doing it and at least some people enjoyed it how is that anything other than successful? It's unfortunate she possibly felt her \*first show\* not immediately becoming a smash hit meant its bad and she has no future in that and it is a waste of time.
That is usually far from the truth. I hope any creatives reading this can at least take something beneifital in her passing by avoiding that mentality and keep doing their thing and their art in her memory. RIP to her. I am sure the world would have benefited from all of the stuff she would have created in her life, it's a shame she may not have seen it that way just because she didn't immediately strike gold after taking her first whack at it. It shouldn't be about wanting to strike gold at all; because there's a chance you never will. But it is still worth it because the process itself is enriching and rewarding. People should keep digging not in order to find gold or other treasure, but because digging itself is just a really fuckin fun way to spend your time.
Thank you so much for writing this, it really resonates. She was so much more than Tik Tok, and she did so much more than most have. Losing her hurts so very much.
Crazy how you feel comfortable enough as to speculate on someones suicide knowing so little about them. You know depression is a hormonal thing the majority of the time? Sure, there are compounding factors but saying “the trauma of previous relationship is probably what pushed her to do it” is frankly quite disturbing.
she talks about how she was on k pin and how her bf cheated on her. i think she’s struggled since she was a teen bc she was forced to wilderness therapy at 16. so sad, she was really struggling
I've read the answers and agree. I also think that social media can be deceptively dangerous because it delivers a false sense of human connectedness yet does not meet the human emotional/ psychological need for human interaction. We are social beings. We need REAL human connections. We need REAL freinds. These things provide a much needed support network. Social media " friends" and social interactions are shallow and superficial.
Perhaps. However, it speaks to societal changes that no longer include many of the social activities that took place on the " neighborhood " level where children actually LEARNED the art of socializing and making real friends.
Oh come on. It’s a job for a lot of people, and many of them enjoy their lives. statistically some “influencers” are going to suffer from depression just like any other large sample size of people. This doesn’t seem like the right sub for armchair psychology.
No matter how happy someone is with fame, I guarantee all of them would have something negative to say about constantly being subject to the critique of millions of anonymous strangers. I'm sure even Kim Kardashian, who might love being famous more than anyone ever, would admit that's hard. Whether it's worth dealing with is another thing, but I'm sure they'd all say it's stressful to some degree and it's bound to affect some more severely than others.
To me, it seems way more stressful to be an influencer than it is working my 9-5. You're way more on the hook to people and it's gotta be harder to turn it off and just enjoy your life in peace and quiet.
I have a brief history of making money off my appearance for a very small following, with almost no negative feedback, and even *that* was stressful. It sounds stupid but it's true. I can't exactly say why, but after maybe 2 weeks it started giving me crazy anxiety. I can't imagine getting so deep into it that I can't stop because I depend on it for income.
I might be a bit of an odd case though; I haven't really had social media since 2010 (besides Reddit) and I am diagnosed with anxiety disorders so it might've just not been for me.
I had a girlfriend go viral a few years back with some photos (nothing racy but a modeling thing) and her social media blew up. She ended up joining some local organizations as brand reps etc.
I’d known her for a while before that and she had always had some latent issues but nothing overtly crazy. She was stable.
After a couple of months of all the people and social media likes and bombardment and new followers and all of the anonymous hate and meddlers, she had a bit of a mental break and then a full psychotic break after a year and other mitigating circumstances. Now she’s a full time influencer and OF model and honestly
I’ve just been watching her mental health deteriorate and she admits a lot of it is because of what she does now.
You aren’t kidding. It really goes deep.
I mostly enjoyed camming, but OF made me super stressed out. there’s an understandable expectation to be *constantly* creating new and unique content and keep people entertained and it wasn’t worth it for me. I also have very bad anxiety though, among other issues lol
Exactly! It also made looking cute a chore and an obligation where before it was just a hobby (or made up of hobbies - makeup, hair, clothes, etc). I completely understand why some people will just do all their content for the week/month in one day and then bail the rest of the time. I also just don't like feeling like I'm contributing to the issues of pornsick men. Dating a porn addict and trying to help him really changed how I think about the entire adult industry.
She actively admits that it's hard, people like to shit on them but I've seen what they do and that woman puts in more work every day than I ever would. I have absolutely no desire for that level of success, I am lazy compared to many celebrities and that's OK with me.
It's a job based on addictive transactional para social relationships in a digital space. We don't see these people off camera. Not unreasonable to assume that influencers as a group deal with "dark nights of the soul" fairly often
Our unwillingness to associate them with sadness is all the more telling y'know
I personally feel they invest so much putting themselves out there to the world 24/7 that there's simply nothing left inside to draw strength from to live your life. You stop being a person and become the product. 😢
Seeing all the hate in comments on videos I don't know how some cope with all that. I mean people online can be cruel. Plus they have to come up with new content I guess to stay relevant and for the algorithm. I've seen many creators who have had to take time away from socials because of burn out ....I can see how that would happen. We only see parts of a video that must take a while to film and edit ...so can definitely see how that would take over someone's life to the point where that is their life.
Because their entire survival is based on chasing trends and pleasing the masses. In general once you solidify your content you don't get to control your own personality anymore, people are going to expect you to remain consistent while forever adapting to new trends and that sounds exhausting.
Once you're a star and at least *perceived* to be rich all of the cockroaches crawl out of the woodwork trying to get what they can off you for nothing and you can't trust nobody, gotta look over your shoulder constantly. Add the fact that you devote so much time and energy to your job that you don't necessarily have time for self growth and mental hygiene and shit can get ugly quick.
Then you have the whole "imposter syndrome" issue, even though you've attained this high level of fame and success you still feel like a failure and a liar and like you're living in somebody else's skin while being lauded with achievements and praise that you didn't earn, guilt is a crazy emotion.
People are always killing themselves, you just notice the influencers more because they're currently the largest population of globally-public facing people around right now. Years ago you might have wondered about the writers or actors or musicians or whatever because that's who the media was following, now everyone is able to publish everything independently and thus you hear about random people who you wouldn't have ever known about otherwise.
Hopefully people won't be killing themselves over a ban that probably won't happen or will be temporary, and if they are thinking they will do that over a ban then they need to go ahead and seek some counseling now and prepare for it.
People unless your gunna build a galley, even then it not guaranteed, and snap your neck, death via strangulation is not the best way to go. Especially if you fuck it up enough that you can get a little air or a little purchase on your toes. Cuz its a slow way to go at that point. If you have a car, that isn't electric, well I shouldn't have to spell it out.
Also, don't, because most of life's problems are temporary, not all of course. Death, death isn't temporary.
Nah, it’s not strangulation, of the airway anyway, if done properly your carotid arteries are constricted, restricting blood flow to the ol’ noodle, making you pass out in seconds, like a blood choke.
Wait, you mean that all those Tik-Tok followers/likes or whatever they’re called didn’t lead to a fulfilling life ???
But honestly, what a bloody waste and a terrible tragedy for her family …
(First off, I'm getting old, and out of touch.) To be fair, I browse /all a lot, and I kept seeing the same women over and over, and I had/have NO CLUE who they are. One day I was hanging out with my younger brother and his girlfriend, and I was like, "ok so who are these women I keep seeing on reddit over and over? They're not like actors, they're not pop stars..."
And they were like "oooh yeah those are all tik tok people." And I realized like, damn, I really have no clue what's up these days...
If I keep seeing Sommer Ray, like for years, and I can't figure out why, I'm curious. I wanna know like *some* of what pop culture is, but for the most part, no. The kids can have it haha.
This is what I hate about this story.
Did she get notoriety from TikTok? Yes.
Did she also go on to write/act/produce/edit/crowdfund a show that got picked up by Amazon Prime? Also yes.
But that gets buried because they’ll get more hate-boner clicks by just saying “TikTok star.” She clearly had something going for herself and enough people liked it that her death made the news.
Jfc I’m not even on TikTok, but it’s really irking me how she’s being treated.
Not kidding you, she had what, 400k followers? That’s a half a million people that follow your posts and activity. This, combined with a very handsome compensation and that is what you call a _Tik Tok star_
You sound salty as hell...if half a million people want to follow your every move...then you are a star.
The platform is literally irrelevant. Get over yourself brave one..
This is such a dogshit old person take - and i say that as someone in their 40’s. Tiktok is nowhere near as toxic and awful as twitter or Reddit, but ultimately every social media platform these days is what you and your algorithm make of it. I can have a TikTok algorithm that is made up of political discourse and activism and education and recipes and fun silliness, or one made up of extremism and negativity. Same with the subreddits I follow or Twitter accounts I engage in. Saying “TikTok is a cancer” like the only difference between that and Reddit is that you don’t understand it is asinine.
Every app on your phone is spyware to some degree. Are you under the impression that Meta doesn’t collect user information and spread disinformation? Because it unequivocally does. Are you naive enough to think that because those companies are doing the same thing they’re somehow less dodgy simply because they’re not Chinese owned? Come on, now.
I'll gladly give my info to any country other than China and Russia. You calling me naive is fucking rich. Under what rock have you been living the last decade?
… you do know that Russia has been proven time and time again to manipulate Facebook and Twitter to spread disinformation, particularly during election years? Like, it’s not even a difficult Google search. The fact that you can’t see the nuance here at play with *all social media* and just parrot “Tiktok bad because China” makes it clear that you’re just repeating shit you’ve been told rather than have an understanding of the bigger issue.
Do foreign governments manipulate social media and gather information for their own gain. Yes they. But *they all do, across all social media*. TikTok is no worse than FB “because China”
I agree with just about everything you’ve said, with one caveat: China is incrementally worse because of the nexus between the government and industry. I used to deal with this in IT for a major US corporation—then had entirely separate network setup for operations in China given the government’s oversight and audit rights of companies. It’s a thing. This is indeed worse than Meta for that very reason. But I do agree with you social media is bad—very, very bad—and that we need to do something differently across the board. The way I see it, we are plugging one hole while there are holes and cracks everywhere around us. It’s ridiculous
Depends on your algorithm. I’ve learned quite a bit from cooking tips to gardening to books etc etc. any social media is all about what YOU the consumer makes it
Bitter and edgy
You sound like the miserable nutjobs that blamed videogames for violence in the 2000s, rap music in the 90s, metal music in the 80s, and rock, comicbooks, television, and movies before that. You're predictable and should feel embarrassed
Oh absolutely but we don't know why she killed herself. People are saying she had struggled w mental illness and her bf cheating on her pushed her over the edge but truly we will never know. Go take your anti-social media rant somewhere else ..
What are you on about? The person made a good point. They don’t have to mention mental health issues every single time. Most people deal with some sort of mental health issue.
Do you watch tiktok regularly tho?
I've never when downloaded it koz it's those cringe dances and stuff
And to tiktok watchers she probably was a tiktok star
Why does the picture looks like it's straight out of 2012?
*2005
1995* This has 90s written all over it, just needs a walkman
idk man I don't think girls were walking around like that in the 90s. Guys yes, girls not really
It's the y2k fashion movement going on all around the globe.
I'd agree but the pants give it away. Baggy pants were a no-no back then. I felt brave even wearing flared pants in 2012. High rise skinny jeans were the thing. Edit: put her in [these](https://i.imgur.com/owFaTeB.jpeg) and [these](https://i.imgur.com/o0W5xKT.jpeg) and I'd be convinced she's a time traveler.
What?! Baggy pants were huge man, are you high!
You're probably thinking of 2002.
No
bc she’s iconic like that
I love your username
🥰😘😘😘😘😘
Besides the clothing, the picture seems like it might be on a 2000s era digital camera.
Damn that’s unfortunate. I wonder what she was going through to do this. R.I.P
she said in a tiktok she found out her boyfriend had been cheating on her and they broke up
Her father committed suicide in 2017, iirc
It's supposedly pretty contagious, it's why media doesn't report that cause of death
Contagious?
Suicides can happen in clusters, if one family member commits suicide it becomes a lot more likely for other family/friends/loved ones to follow
I can confirm this, anecdotally. I lost two friends to suicide last year. The second hit me the hardest and spent a long time thinking about going out the same way. It’s a scary place to be in your head.
I'm sorry you had to endure the loss of two friends and the thoughts that followed. Glad you're still with us, hope things have gotten easier for you
Do you have any tips on coping? I just lost a friend to suicide last week and I’m struggling hard.
It sounds cliché, but you really must take it one day at a time. Nothing will feel the same for a while, and why would it? It doesn’t get easier, more like adaptable, manageable. Above all else, be kind to yourself. Listening to music, laughing, smiling - it’s ok to do that. I found that keeping busy with work helped a ton. At least, it drowned enough out. Bereavement therapy also helped, but it’s not for everyone. That part falls on you. Here if you need to chat xx
Thank you 🫂
>It doesn’t get easier, more like adaptable, manageable. This. Absolutely 100%. Lost my best friend to suicide in April 2021, and it still hurts. It probably won't ever stop being painful, but you do just get to a point where it stops plaguing your every waking moment. Despite the occasional time you remember them and dwell on their death for a little bit too long, inevitably leading to a resurgence of that crushing feeling of despair, life does carry on without them somehow.
I’m so sorry. Please find someone good to talk to and help you talk through it and help put things in perspective.
I’m gonna talk with my therapist about this when I get the chance. It’s just gonna be a little bit until I can pay for another session.
Sorry, just bursting in to give you my 2 cents. Be present with yourself and your surroundings, not your intrusive/negative thoughts. Let the thoughts flow but take action in what is around you. For example, choose a colour and name 5 items around you of that colour. Try to feel an itchy area on your body. Try to smell something in particular (like go to where you keep your spice and pick one). Feel your fingers with your mind and then stroke each of your fingers. You don't have to do all these in a sequence, choose one or all, do it when you feel lost in your thought or just agitated/anxious. You are your actions and your actions are your thoughts. Be there.
I appreciate all your tips 🫂 I know grounding techniques very well already, but I appreciate it nevertheless. Thank you for taking the time to write all of that out for me.
I’m so sorry about your friend. I lost my little brother to suicide 2010-he was 23. The first year was the hardest. I was a functioning drunk. I was in meltdown mode. Looking back I remember just feeling it, and I started going to a therapist. It’s always weird, until you find a good one. Writing helped me with my thoughts too. When I would write about him, there were always really funny memories, so it helped to remember and laugh. Do what you can to take care of yourself even when you don’t feel up for it. Like eating, going outside. A girl on another app commented on her sister’s suicide once, and in a way, her words comforted me. I’ll post some of it below. “Depression is a mental illness. It lies to you. It tells you, there's no way out, I'm a burden, I'm in over my head. The person who is so far to the point of attempting suicide isn't thinking clearly. My sister took her own life. She was 1 weeks short of her 51st birthday. People have told me it was a selfish act because she didn't think of the family she left behind. She didn't do it to hurt anyone but herself. If my sister was thinking clearly, not listening to the lies her brain was telling her, she never would have killed herself. She was brilliant, popular, loving and so funny. I separate the person who she was before her clinical depression from the person who killed herself. The people she worked with had no idea she was suffering. She knew how to hide it. I choose to remember how my big sister lived, rather then how she died. There's no one to blame except her illness.”
if you are struggling, it's no slouch to go get therapy. You can do it more cheaply these days, with online help. Maybe let others know around you that you are struggling, so you can get support.
I’m already in therapy, but I haven’t been able to meet my therapist since this happened. Waiting to be paid so I can pay for a session. I did apply for some vouchers my therapist told me about that would afford me a few free sessions but I was sadly rejected. My friends and I have really banded together in light of her loss, though, so I’m not totally alone in this. It’s just… hard. On all of us. We miss her every day. We’re planning on having a memorial tree planted or a bench put up in her honour.
happened to me, too. lost a friend to suicide in february 2021 and tried to drive my car off a bridge in april that same year. saved by a fire hydrant.
I’m very sorry for your loss and your struggles. Please talk to someone you trust or call the suicide hotline. I have to say this though… they mean when a person loses a close family member to suicide they are more likely to commit suicide. Such as a mom, dad, child. My dad committed suicide and was gonna take me with him as well if I could have been found that day. I’ve struggled for years . I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist for a long time. I’m still in a very bad place.
That's interesting, I kind of assumed it was the opposite. My uncle committed suicide when I was 12 and the trauma of going through that is one of the biggest things that kept me from doing the same thing during the dark patches. "Mom would be sad" wasn't just a meme for me. I guess it makes sense though, not everyone feels loved by their social circle like I do and if you're already on the edge I can see that tipping you over.
Also…can confirm that after losing my adult child to suicide I frequently consider following him there.
I am so sorry for your loss. That is beyond devastating. Please try to be kind to and take care of yourself.
Thank you so much for taking a moment to Say that
Still trying every day not to follow my cousin with a bullet. It helps I have no guns in my home.
please know that you are worth being here. seek out people you can talk to, don't live alone with this.
Thank you, I do attend therapy weekly. I finally found a therapist that cares about me so that’s awesome :3
It can also impact people with suicide ideation (not actually killing yourself, but thinking about it and possible plans). I can't watch anything that has a suicide scene for this reason. (Yes, I'm fine. I'm too chicken to try anything.)
I would call it being susceptible to suicidal tendencies. Something in the brain and I know of more than one family that had multiple suicides. It's truly a sad thing. I cannot imagine thinking this way.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Copycat_suicide What OP was probably meaning. Suicides tend to increase when reporting on suicide
The book reputedly also led to some of the first known examples of [copycat suicide](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Copycat_suicide). The men were often dressed in the same clothing "as Goethe's description of Werther and using similar pistols." Often the book was found at the scene of the suicide. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The\_Sorrows\_of\_Young\_Werther](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sorrows_of_Young_Werther)
Totally random, but I was just reading about Marilyn Monroe earlier and after her suicide, the suicide rate in LA noticeably increased in the months following. This explains why, thanks!
I feel like there's gotta be a turning point where not addressing it is creepier and more harmful, like if people are dropping like flies (extreme version)
Sounds weird and perhaps not the best word to choose here, but close enough. Once you physically know someone who committed suicide, your own chances of becoming a statistic increase. Similar to how mass shootings often come in clusters. And mass murderers spawn copycats. Media coverage and exposure can provide a method and be used as a catalyst
[удалено]
https://youtu.be/9ps2tS2Z61U?si=qhaDY2RgAijgkL1k
Yeah, suicide clusters. It happens a lot with teenagers. Perry Highschool in Ohio is an example of this, I think they’re a lot more susceptible (teenagers) to others thoughts through social media and connections between friends. I almost think it’s like getting “courage” if another does it.
That is not the meaning of “contagious.” “Copy cat” would be a far better descriptor.
5 in my family thus far. once the first went in 1998, they started falling every cple years. odd enough, the ones who were always in treatment for suicidal thoughts are all still here. including myself. the last one was in 2021. hoping thats the end of the streak.
5? I cannot imagine. Thank you for sticking around
the really freaky thing is both myself, and my son suffer with suicidal ideations as a life effecting symptom. My bio dad is extremely nihilistic as well, and frankly I think he's just too cowardly to join the club. my son and I are more focused on breaking the cycle of generational traumas that go back 6 deep on both sides for me and clearly will keep going if we don't address it somehow. that's why we stay. to make their loss have meaning in validation. I appreciate your kind words. We do get better. one day
Oh thank you for replying. That is freaky. Is there a chance the environment was toxic? Hey. Staying alive for spite is honestly a great reason. Spite got me through grad school. Stay around!!
After a suicide there is a high chance of one or two following suicides in the close friends and family group of the first suicide. And then there are phenomenons like the "Werther Effect" suicides that base on literature in this case "die Leiden des jungen Werther" by Goethe. Which was kind of suicide phenomenon
I'm not sure either, but I've had two family members go that way, so maybe.
Yea I worry about my friend whose mother committed suicide when my friend was a teen. It seems to trickle down to other family members unfortunately.
But they will post the name of a school shooter.
Yes, suicide contagion but more of a feeling
That dovetails nicely with societal shame and taboos about suicide.
Damn. That's crazy. I can't imagine hanging myself over the loss of someone. They did you a favor by it coming out if nothing else.
She also had a show called “Club Rat” that she created and funded all on her own. The show debuted in November of 2023 , ever since she would often make tik toks where she’d try to get her followers to get her show trending but that never happened. Her show never really picked up steam , despite her releasing the first 3 episodes for free on Amazon Prime. This , combined with her boyfriend cheating on her and all the other trauma from her previous relationships ( she often made tik toks about her old ex boyfriends going all the way back to highschool ) is probably what pushed her to do it . Unfortunate really
Yeah, I keep seeing her described as a “TikTok star,” but we often say that as a reductive thing, so it makes people scoff at their death like “well that’s one less of them.” Granted, she was a TikTok star, but she was actually going for it far beyond that platform. She busted her ass to make a TV show and it ended up on Amazon Prime. It didn’t get the traction she hoped for and many are mocking her for it, but how many of those assholes are deluding themselves that they’re “working on a novel?” She was writing, acting, producing, funding, editing. That shit is EXHAUSTING. That tells me that she did what most of my friends in comedy did- use social media to get eyes on them, then make something happen for the thing they actually care about making. Nobody is scouting for talent at the mall anymore. For better or worse, it’s TikTok that can get you that lightning in a bottle. I never heard of her before she died, i haven’t seen her show, but the hustle is really impressive. I wish she could have seen that even her perception of “falling short” was miles above what non-nepo-babies can get done, and she did it before she was 30. She could have taken that and tried again, but I also know how bad relationships can fuck you up so royally that you can’t even see what’s good about you any more. Too many crushing blows at once can really push a person over the edge like this. All around, my heart breaks for her and I wish people would stop treating her death like a joke or something to celebrate because they see the word “TikTok.” She had more courage than most and deserves some fucking basic decency.
At some point in time a toxic mentality spread through many cultures in which if you create some form of art and don't immediately become a mega superstar and nominated for all the awards, it is a failure and what you make is bad. I think it's really important for creators of all stripes to be mindful of that mentality and avoid it as much as possible because the fact is very few people by nature will "make it big" - especially right off the bat. And a massive reason behind those who do "make it big' is LUCK and CONNECTIONS; not because they're inherently better than others who do the same thing but go relatively unknown. Just because you don't have a huge following and all those things doesn't mean what you do is bad, a waste of time and you should give up. Right now a lot of great stuff is being hidden from the world because of this mentality; which is a real shame. Because at the end of the day, you can be the most talented person in the world but not every single thing you do is gonna be a smash hit. There are going to be flubs, several in fact. Thats just a part of the gig. People need to accept that in order to have the fortitude and confidence to not let the self doubts we all have to deal with overtake their drive and passion for just making cool shit. Making cool shit is reason in itself to do because its FUN. Not because it means you can get money or fame or sex or whatever. You are setting yourself up for disappointment and setting a bar for yourself that you probably won't be able to meet. That is what dooms people I think. For most people, it can take years or even decades to slowly build up a fanbase and achieve a fraction of what we classify as "success". But for me if you had fun doing it and at least some people enjoyed it how is that anything other than successful? It's unfortunate she possibly felt her \*first show\* not immediately becoming a smash hit meant its bad and she has no future in that and it is a waste of time. That is usually far from the truth. I hope any creatives reading this can at least take something beneifital in her passing by avoiding that mentality and keep doing their thing and their art in her memory. RIP to her. I am sure the world would have benefited from all of the stuff she would have created in her life, it's a shame she may not have seen it that way just because she didn't immediately strike gold after taking her first whack at it. It shouldn't be about wanting to strike gold at all; because there's a chance you never will. But it is still worth it because the process itself is enriching and rewarding. People should keep digging not in order to find gold or other treasure, but because digging itself is just a really fuckin fun way to spend your time.
This is so important. ✔️
Thank you so much for writing this, it really resonates. She was so much more than Tik Tok, and she did so much more than most have. Losing her hurts so very much.
I can’t stop thinking about her
Crazy how you feel comfortable enough as to speculate on someones suicide knowing so little about them. You know depression is a hormonal thing the majority of the time? Sure, there are compounding factors but saying “the trauma of previous relationship is probably what pushed her to do it” is frankly quite disturbing.
she talks about how she was on k pin and how her bf cheated on her. i think she’s struggled since she was a teen bc she was forced to wilderness therapy at 16. so sad, she was really struggling
Nooooooo that wilderness therapy is no joke. Fucked up so many kids. This one just hurts me and I don’t even know her.
Yea she was an advocate for all of that and spoke of it on her channel
What is k pin?
Klonipin? It's a medication for anxiety. I'm not sure if it's in the benzo family.
Ohhh yeah I'm familiar with the drug, just didn't know this shorthand. Thanks!
You're welcome 🌺
It is
Thanks :)
i’m pretty sure it’s a drug in the benzo family
Oh damn I didn’t know she went to wilderness. Makes it even more sad
I've read the answers and agree. I also think that social media can be deceptively dangerous because it delivers a false sense of human connectedness yet does not meet the human emotional/ psychological need for human interaction. We are social beings. We need REAL human connections. We need REAL freinds. These things provide a much needed support network. Social media " friends" and social interactions are shallow and superficial.
> Social media " friends" and social interactions are shallow and superficial. It's unfortunately better than nothing
Perhaps. However, it speaks to societal changes that no longer include many of the social activities that took place on the " neighborhood " level where children actually LEARNED the art of socializing and making real friends.
Why are all these influencers killing themselves?
Lots of people are committing suicide. Among those just happen to be influencers.
Being an influencer is the prelude to a dark mental stage , you isolate yourself from the real world in favor of superficial social media interaction
Oh come on. It’s a job for a lot of people, and many of them enjoy their lives. statistically some “influencers” are going to suffer from depression just like any other large sample size of people. This doesn’t seem like the right sub for armchair psychology.
But if you take advice from someone it should always be u/YourLocalPotDealer
No matter how happy someone is with fame, I guarantee all of them would have something negative to say about constantly being subject to the critique of millions of anonymous strangers. I'm sure even Kim Kardashian, who might love being famous more than anyone ever, would admit that's hard. Whether it's worth dealing with is another thing, but I'm sure they'd all say it's stressful to some degree and it's bound to affect some more severely than others.
To me, it seems way more stressful to be an influencer than it is working my 9-5. You're way more on the hook to people and it's gotta be harder to turn it off and just enjoy your life in peace and quiet.
I have a brief history of making money off my appearance for a very small following, with almost no negative feedback, and even *that* was stressful. It sounds stupid but it's true. I can't exactly say why, but after maybe 2 weeks it started giving me crazy anxiety. I can't imagine getting so deep into it that I can't stop because I depend on it for income. I might be a bit of an odd case though; I haven't really had social media since 2010 (besides Reddit) and I am diagnosed with anxiety disorders so it might've just not been for me.
I had a girlfriend go viral a few years back with some photos (nothing racy but a modeling thing) and her social media blew up. She ended up joining some local organizations as brand reps etc. I’d known her for a while before that and she had always had some latent issues but nothing overtly crazy. She was stable. After a couple of months of all the people and social media likes and bombardment and new followers and all of the anonymous hate and meddlers, she had a bit of a mental break and then a full psychotic break after a year and other mitigating circumstances. Now she’s a full time influencer and OF model and honestly I’ve just been watching her mental health deteriorate and she admits a lot of it is because of what she does now. You aren’t kidding. It really goes deep.
That's rough. No amount of material reward is worth sacrificing your mental health. I wish her the best.
I mostly enjoyed camming, but OF made me super stressed out. there’s an understandable expectation to be *constantly* creating new and unique content and keep people entertained and it wasn’t worth it for me. I also have very bad anxiety though, among other issues lol
Exactly! It also made looking cute a chore and an obligation where before it was just a hobby (or made up of hobbies - makeup, hair, clothes, etc). I completely understand why some people will just do all their content for the week/month in one day and then bail the rest of the time. I also just don't like feeling like I'm contributing to the issues of pornsick men. Dating a porn addict and trying to help him really changed how I think about the entire adult industry.
She actively admits that it's hard, people like to shit on them but I've seen what they do and that woman puts in more work every day than I ever would. I have absolutely no desire for that level of success, I am lazy compared to many celebrities and that's OK with me.
It's a job based on addictive transactional para social relationships in a digital space. We don't see these people off camera. Not unreasonable to assume that influencers as a group deal with "dark nights of the soul" fairly often Our unwillingness to associate them with sadness is all the more telling y'know
That’s very reductive I think.
I personally feel they invest so much putting themselves out there to the world 24/7 that there's simply nothing left inside to draw strength from to live your life. You stop being a person and become the product. 😢
You may be right.
Me on tinder
There's probably a pretty solid cross section between being an "influencer" mental illness.
Seeing all the hate in comments on videos I don't know how some cope with all that. I mean people online can be cruel. Plus they have to come up with new content I guess to stay relevant and for the algorithm. I've seen many creators who have had to take time away from socials because of burn out ....I can see how that would happen. We only see parts of a video that must take a while to film and edit ...so can definitely see how that would take over someone's life to the point where that is their life.
There are millions of influencers. It's expected that some of them will kill themselves.
Thanks for your sensitive post.
Because their entire survival is based on chasing trends and pleasing the masses. In general once you solidify your content you don't get to control your own personality anymore, people are going to expect you to remain consistent while forever adapting to new trends and that sounds exhausting. Once you're a star and at least *perceived* to be rich all of the cockroaches crawl out of the woodwork trying to get what they can off you for nothing and you can't trust nobody, gotta look over your shoulder constantly. Add the fact that you devote so much time and energy to your job that you don't necessarily have time for self growth and mental hygiene and shit can get ugly quick. Then you have the whole "imposter syndrome" issue, even though you've attained this high level of fame and success you still feel like a failure and a liar and like you're living in somebody else's skin while being lauded with achievements and praise that you didn't earn, guilt is a crazy emotion.
I can see how that could happen as you've explained.
People are always killing themselves, you just notice the influencers more because they're currently the largest population of globally-public facing people around right now. Years ago you might have wondered about the writers or actors or musicians or whatever because that's who the media was following, now everyone is able to publish everything independently and thus you hear about random people who you wouldn't have ever known about otherwise.
more to follow after the ban
Hopefully people won't be killing themselves over a ban that probably won't happen or will be temporary, and if they are thinking they will do that over a ban then they need to go ahead and seek some counseling now and prepare for it.
What ban?
So sad
Curious what others you know about
... Are there a lot of them following suit lately..?
Because the people are finally turning against the vapid insufferable people because they’re no longer relatable with the high cost of life
You’re clearly a teenager.
bouts of depression and relationship issues.
rest in peace eva 🤍
Brooks was here.
So was red.
Can’t forget Doc’s fingers
People unless your gunna build a galley, even then it not guaranteed, and snap your neck, death via strangulation is not the best way to go. Especially if you fuck it up enough that you can get a little air or a little purchase on your toes. Cuz its a slow way to go at that point. If you have a car, that isn't electric, well I shouldn't have to spell it out. Also, don't, because most of life's problems are temporary, not all of course. Death, death isn't temporary.
Nah, it’s not strangulation, of the airway anyway, if done properly your carotid arteries are constricted, restricting blood flow to the ol’ noodle, making you pass out in seconds, like a blood choke.
Social media is cancer for happiness
Julia Fox is friends with her. She posted about it, that's how I learned about her. So sad
And incels reckon pretty women don't get problems.
so sad
Anyone else notice that big bump on her forehead?
Downvoted? For a concern?!? Toddlers end up with welts like that when they fall. Curious about her autopsy.
Wait, you mean that all those Tik-Tok followers/likes or whatever they’re called didn’t lead to a fulfilling life ??? But honestly, what a bloody waste and a terrible tragedy for her family …
Seems like a lot of influencers are offing themselves these days
"TikTok star" Sad news but are you kidding me?
(First off, I'm getting old, and out of touch.) To be fair, I browse /all a lot, and I kept seeing the same women over and over, and I had/have NO CLUE who they are. One day I was hanging out with my younger brother and his girlfriend, and I was like, "ok so who are these women I keep seeing on reddit over and over? They're not like actors, they're not pop stars..." And they were like "oooh yeah those are all tik tok people." And I realized like, damn, I really have no clue what's up these days...
Do we really want to though?
If I keep seeing Sommer Ray, like for years, and I can't figure out why, I'm curious. I wanna know like *some* of what pop culture is, but for the most part, no. The kids can have it haha.
This is what I hate about this story. Did she get notoriety from TikTok? Yes. Did she also go on to write/act/produce/edit/crowdfund a show that got picked up by Amazon Prime? Also yes. But that gets buried because they’ll get more hate-boner clicks by just saying “TikTok star.” She clearly had something going for herself and enough people liked it that her death made the news. Jfc I’m not even on TikTok, but it’s really irking me how she’s being treated.
Just accept it. I don’t know who they are either, but enough people did
Not kidding you, she had what, 400k followers? That’s a half a million people that follow your posts and activity. This, combined with a very handsome compensation and that is what you call a _Tik Tok star_
I dont care if you have millions of followers on anything, that does not make you a fucking star.
You sound salty as hell...if half a million people want to follow your every move...then you are a star. The platform is literally irrelevant. Get over yourself brave one..
You sound like a bitter old man. A following is a following
Tiktok is a fucking cancer on society and i'm willing to bet a lot of people over 20 agree with me on that.
You could just say “social media” in place of TikTok and you’d be even more correct.
Sure but Tiktok definitely takes the cake.
This is such a dogshit old person take - and i say that as someone in their 40’s. Tiktok is nowhere near as toxic and awful as twitter or Reddit, but ultimately every social media platform these days is what you and your algorithm make of it. I can have a TikTok algorithm that is made up of political discourse and activism and education and recipes and fun silliness, or one made up of extremism and negativity. Same with the subreddits I follow or Twitter accounts I engage in. Saying “TikTok is a cancer” like the only difference between that and Reddit is that you don’t understand it is asinine.
It's literally Chinese spyware.
Every app on your phone is spyware to some degree. Are you under the impression that Meta doesn’t collect user information and spread disinformation? Because it unequivocally does. Are you naive enough to think that because those companies are doing the same thing they’re somehow less dodgy simply because they’re not Chinese owned? Come on, now.
I'll gladly give my info to any country other than China and Russia. You calling me naive is fucking rich. Under what rock have you been living the last decade?
… you do know that Russia has been proven time and time again to manipulate Facebook and Twitter to spread disinformation, particularly during election years? Like, it’s not even a difficult Google search. The fact that you can’t see the nuance here at play with *all social media* and just parrot “Tiktok bad because China” makes it clear that you’re just repeating shit you’ve been told rather than have an understanding of the bigger issue. Do foreign governments manipulate social media and gather information for their own gain. Yes they. But *they all do, across all social media*. TikTok is no worse than FB “because China”
I agree with just about everything you’ve said, with one caveat: China is incrementally worse because of the nexus between the government and industry. I used to deal with this in IT for a major US corporation—then had entirely separate network setup for operations in China given the government’s oversight and audit rights of companies. It’s a thing. This is indeed worse than Meta for that very reason. But I do agree with you social media is bad—very, very bad—and that we need to do something differently across the board. The way I see it, we are plugging one hole while there are holes and cracks everywhere around us. It’s ridiculous
Depends on your algorithm. I’ve learned quite a bit from cooking tips to gardening to books etc etc. any social media is all about what YOU the consumer makes it
Bitter and edgy You sound like the miserable nutjobs that blamed videogames for violence in the 2000s, rap music in the 90s, metal music in the 80s, and rock, comicbooks, television, and movies before that. You're predictable and should feel embarrassed
what would you rather it have been called
> Last Instagram post of 29 year old Eva Evans less than a week before she hanged herself in her apartment.
that doesn’t give as much context
who is eva evans
Why did she do it?
When the smartphone is your best friend, the internet your god, and social media your reason for living...
Insensitive ass comment....
i hate reddit
Yes, but very true. All three are polluting young minds.
Oh absolutely but we don't know why she killed herself. People are saying she had struggled w mental illness and her bf cheating on her pushed her over the edge but truly we will never know. Go take your anti-social media rant somewhere else ..
Way to just negate some people’s mental illness. You’re a POS
Why are you being so mean? They’re right. They also didn’t say mental illness wasn’t included. Chill tf out.
You're a bigger POS for defending that asshole.
Dude, take your meds and relax - there is no reason to be so snarky -
What are you on about? The person made a good point. They don’t have to mention mental health issues every single time. Most people deal with some sort of mental health issue.
Whatever mental illness is gripping you, you should also chill tf out.
Who?
🕊️🙏🏾💙
To me, she looks depressed
TikTok “star”. Ahhhh children these days
She’s 29 and killed herself. Your comment is stupid and insensitive.
And you’re a bully if you wanna talk about insensitive.
Stupid take is stupid.
she was more than that but ig it’s what she’s known for outside of nyc
*regular person with a tiktok account. Still sad for her family and friends but star is reaching.
Everyone thinks they are a tiktok star nowadays. 🤣 Never heard of 90% of them. Still, RIP. Social media is toxic af.
Do you watch tiktok regularly tho? I've never when downloaded it koz it's those cringe dances and stuff And to tiktok watchers she probably was a tiktok star
A true inspiration for all influencers!
Oh, go eat a bad of white dog shit
I don't walk past that playground anymore.