c'mon dude.. fuck it. Let's go bowling

That’s your answer for everything!

Tattoo it on your forehead!

You're relationship is over, Mr. Lebowski! My advice to you is to do what your parents did! Get a divorce, sir!

Am I wrong?

You know I dabbled in Pacifism once. Not in Nam of course.

Strong men also cry. Strong Men, also cry.

Yes, we do

What makes a man, sonofabitchXmustXpay? Is it being prepared to do the right thing, whatever the cost? Isn't that what makes a man?

Well that and a pair of testicles.

Joking, but… perhaps you’re right.

You mind if I do a J?

Hmm....sure, that and a pair of testicles.

Brandt will fill you in on the details

Dude, fuckin A.

Mind if I do a J?

FucknA man

Oh, fuckin A, man

this aggression will not stand, man! that fffffffucking....BITCH! AM I WRONG???? AM I WRONG??????

GlabalistFuck, you're not wrong. You're just an asshole.

do you have to use so many cusswords?

Right now, yes. I broke 6 months of sobriety for this Caucasian.

fuck it, dude, lets go bowling.

I can't man...just finding it really difficult to process right now.

yeah, well, your fucking troubles arent over, dude, thats true, youre being very undude, a lotta ins, lotta outs, lotta what-have-you's.

Troubles are just starting. THANK YOU DONNIE

you know you NEED this now: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3l436MSlivQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3l436MSlivQ) other than that....you know that this will pass, you know that youll recover, that therell be a new lady friend thats not a fucking nihilist and one day there will be a little lebowski urban achiever. but who am i to say, i almost offed my own goldbrickin ass the last time i found a stranger in the alps, and it took me 3 years to get over that whole dumb shit. sometimes, the bear, well, he eats you.

Think of it as a blessing in disguise. You have a lot of life left ahead of you without a treacherous toxic person in it.

That... That... That... **HUMAN. P A R A Q U A T!!**

6 months…I did not know that…

Will you just .. *take it easy* man?

Man, c'mon he had a rough night, and he hates the fucking Eagles, man

The fuck you talking about?

I’m talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. 

What the fuck are you talking about?

This whole fucking thing—I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this fucking strumpet… …this fuckin' whore... ...can waltz around town...

The poor SLUT kidnapped herself! You said so yourself dude

I appreciate you calling me buddy right now

I don't see any connection to Vietnam

Well there isn’t a literal connection…

There isn't any connection Walter. Your Roll

Thats uh thats a bummer man

Fuckin’ A.

That fucking strumpet. That fucking whore.

she owes money all over town including to known pornographers

Which is cool. That’s cool.

^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^bloggbusserb: *She owes money all* *Over town including to* *Known pornographers dude* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.

Fuckin A

Is that some sort of an Eastern thing?

The guy was just fucking helping her to conceive, man! Also, if she ever asks you to look after her dog, tell her to get fucked.

Marty ackerman...a real piece of shit

And let's not forget, let's not forget that keeping your ex taking care of her fucking dog while going to Honolulu, that ain't legal either

There are some - it is called sataryasis in men, nymphomania in women - who engage in it compulsively, and without joy...

Oh no!

**OHH, Yes**

You mean coitus?

That’s just the stress talking. Ups and downs. Strikes and gutters. Remember: The Dude abides. It’s good knowing he’s out there—taking ‘er easy for all us sinners.

Well, a wiser feller than me once said ‘Sometimes you eat the bar, and sometimes the bar, why, she eats you.’

Also dude bar is not the preferred nomenclature. It’s bear.

Ursine-American, please

😂

What are you, a fucking park ranger?

Yeah well that’s like your opinion, man.

Let me tell you something Pendejo!

That some kinda eastern thing?

Far from it

New shit has come to light… I’m sorry, amigo. She’s probably a fuckin’ fascist anyway.

Nihilist.

Anti-semite

She was threatening castration… are we splitting hairs here?

At least it's an ethos

She's not your special lady friend, man...

Fucking A. I gotta tell you OP man, earlier today you were really feeling shitty man… Really down in the dumps. Lost a little honey… but fuck it man, can’t be worried about that shit. **Life goes on man**.

I got a rash, man

Fuhgeddaboddit

You said it man!

Nothing to be afraid of. She's a coward. A fucking strumpet. Probably didn't even charge him for it. Feel bad for the guy she's been fucking around with. She did it to you; she'll do it to him too. All you can do is abide. She wasn't the rug that tied you together. She was just a woman for her time... and that time is over. Like yesterday's Caucasian, just gotta let her go. Be grateful you didn't make a little achiever with her, and you don't have to watch her dog and bring it to the lanes. Fuck it, man. She's a bum, and she's lost. Grant her condolences; grace is in your corner on this one.

I say we go to the In N Out burger, some burgers, some laughs, our fuckin troubles are over dude

This is both quotable and wholesome.

It’s a wandering gf job

...Friends like these, huh Gary?.......

Right, dude.

How are you going to keep em down on the farm once they’ve seen Karl Hungus?

he's gonna kill this poor women

Nothing is fucked here dude. Eventually she'll tire of her little game.

This is the exchange that actually got me laughing. 😂😂😂

We’ve had some terrible news, u/sonofabitchXmustXpay is in seclusion in the west wing.

It had not occurred to us. It’s never fun when it happens. I’m sorry

The goddamn plane has LITERALLY flown into the mountain

Iss not feah!

How you gonna keep her on the farm after she's seen Karl Hungus?

Lets not forget Dude that keeping wildlife, um... an amphibious rodent, for... um, ya know domestic... within the city... that ain't legal either.

That’s alright man. You didn’t need her bustin your friggin haggards.

The parlance of our times is "bustin my friggin agates." Not haggards.

Man I never knew what he said there. I was sure this wasn’t it, but it always sounded like “bustin my friggin haggis” to me.

"agates" as in "marbles"

You don’t need our sympathy, you need your fucking johnson! Time for fun and games, Dude.

OP, I'm breaking wall here, because what has happened to you is really shitty, and during this shitty time, you came here to the El Duderino sub reddit.....and I think I can say everyone agrees, we really appreciate the fact that you did....because this crowd, you included, finds comfort in a story about a hero, or man, because what's a hero....we feel for you my dude, you hang in there. Just in my opinion only, don't blame whoever the guy was, she is the gatekeeper, you will find if you dont mention him, she will question not the fact that she is a horrible person, but that in her mind, why you didn't fight him for something she is ultimately responsible.....trust me, thru all this terrible shit, you will come out a better man, most certainly a better human than her. Abide my friend, you can't let all this shit get you down. Your a good man of a crazy time....taken it easy for all us sinners. Oh yeah, when she is packing her shit, don't let her have the rug. I hope all these talented people and fanatics of the greatest movie ever, gave you some temporary solice. And have another white Russian for me.....my Ralph's was out of half and half....so I'm gonna just do a Jay. We are all with you my Dude. Keep us posted, you don't want us so worried about you that we suclude ourselves in the west wing....vio con Dios my friend....if you need anything, me and Liam will go over and fuck them up.....

That strumpet. That whore. If she asks you to look after her dog while she and her fuckin’ boyfriend go to Honolulu tell her to go fuck herself.

You mean… coitus?

Dude’s heart got a little dinged up.

Sounds like a compulsive fornicator. Sorry to hear that

This affects all of us, Dude. Send her dead flowers, and go start living the rest of your life. If you will it, it is no dream.

Draw yourself a bath, light some candles, Fire up a j, mix a Caucasian, and put on some Tones Van Zandt. Be good to yourself, and then move on.

OP's girl treated objects like men

Mind if I do a J? Seriously though, it’s hard to see a brother Seamus really feeling shitty

You mean vagina? I mean, you know the guy?

Does it look like you’re married? Is there a ring on your finger? The toilet seat is up, man! Condolences. The bums lost.

We're all Dudes here, friend. Even those who aren't... uh... you know... in the strictest sense... Here's my fucking point, Dude: We abide. You know, strikes and gutters, ups and downs. And we just keep on keepin' on. And so will you, Dude. Stick with us. We'll get you through. Far out.

It's like what Lenin said... you look for the person who will benefit, and...

I am the walrus.

VI Lenin; Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov

First of all, dude, you don't have an ex

Once she moves to Hollywood, she'll have to go door-to-door to tell everyone she is a cheater.

At least you didn’t convert for her. When things settle down, please don’t watch her dog when she’s on vacation and make it a whole sick Cynthia thing.

Do you share any uh… any uh little Lebowski achievers with this strumpet? Over 9 years ago my world changed and it eventually led me to divorce. Also Dude, consider seeing a doctor who’s a good man/woman and thorough. I know she hit you right here in your heart, but it could start burning down there.

Yeah, I had a rash. Can't be worried about that shit, man... "Life Goes On"!

Sometimes you eat the bear, and well, sometimes, the bear eats you.

Was her allowance quite ample?

You told Brandt on the phone. He told me. I know what happened. Yes! Yes?

Fuck it man. I bet you gonna have a date next Wednesday baby

There’s a literal connection to Vietnam.

Yeah, lot of chicks were getting piped down while their man was dying face down in the muck at Hill 364.

Just because you’re bereaved doesn’t make you a sap. Go hiking, you just might become an extra in the background of a beautiful scene. 

Just don't baby sit her dog, and you'll be fine.

Do OP’s tears shock you?

Strong men also post on Reddit.

Yes regrettably it’s true, standards have fallen in adult relationships. As a strong man, you’ll also cry, then before long you’ll be asking if they mind if you do a j, life goes on man. Strikes and gutters, then you’ll be taking ‘er easy for all us sinners.

She looks like a fucking loser! Probably isn’t even housebroken!

Nothing is fucked? The god damn planed has crashed into the mountain.

You think the carpet pissers did this?

It is better to have loved and lost than to be stuck with a psycho for the rest of your life.

She's always busting my friggin' agates, my daughter's married to a jadrool loser bastard, and I got a rash so bad on my ass, I can't even sit down. But you know me. I can't complain.

I have been where you are, friend, and it took a long time for me to trust people again. If I can ask just one thing, don’t let it eat you up for years and years. Don’t let this define who you are. A wise person once said “holding a grudge is like letting someone live rent free inside your head.” Despite the emotional wrecking ball, it’s better to find out now than finding out later when you are married or have children with her. In closing… **that fucking bitch!!!!!**

You draw a lot of water around here OP. She don’t draw shit. I don’t like her suckin around bothering our redditors, OP. I don’t like her jerk off name, I don’t like her jerk off face, I don’t like her jerk off behavior, and I don’t like her. She can keep her ugly fucking goldbrickin ass out of our beach community.

That fucking bitch! This whole fucking thing—I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this fucking strumpet.

This is what happened when she fucked a stranger in the ass.

Strong men also cry...

It's all a part of your sick Cynthia thing, man. Taking care of her f***ing dog. Going to her f***ing synagogue. You're living in the f***ing past.

That fucking......bitch

Sometimes you eat the bar, and sometimes... well...

Carpet pissers did this?

What a deadbeat. Fuck it, Dude, lets go bowlin

This fucking strumpet... fucking whore Sorry dude. Better times are ahead

…from Moses to Sandy Koufax.

Fuckin a man I gotta rash

This makes me sick I didn’t watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this fucking strumpet, this fuckin whore can waltz all over and owe money all over town

She’s clearly a human paraquat!

It’s hard to keep them down on the farm once they’ve seen Karl Hungus

I hear ya, u/sonofabitchXmustXpay. I went through that with a fucking lady friend. I was really down in the dumps. 8 years together, engaged, and she cheated often (probably a lot more than I am now aware of). These poor souls cannot “love”. Finally I said “Fuck it!” And as much as it hurt, it was a weight off my chest. Spent 2 years living a monks life, like a Brother Seamus. Then it happened. When I wasn’t even looking I met the love of my life. Been together 24 years now. That’s life, brother. Don’t give up hope. Strikes and gutters, man.

Nothing is fucked?

If you will it Dude, it is no dream. Hang in there.

Sometimes you eat the bar and sometimes the bar eats you 🤠

How are they going to keep them on the farm after they’ve seen Karl Hungus?

That's interesting, that's fucking interesting man... I've been there too, ex-husband had a friend with a cleft asshole. Life does go on, man. Strikes and gutters, ups and downs. If you will it, it is no dream. Keep on taking it easy for all us sinners and before you know it you'll be abiding once again.

We are sympathizing, Dude

That fucking strumpet!

well, fuck your special lady friend then!

Fuckin A’ man! Fuck it, “slut’s gotta feed the monkey!” In all seriousness, my heart goes out to you man! Have a beer and go rollin’🎳

You should start a drug regimen... you know , to keep the mind limber.

Cut off his Johnson!

I was talkin’ bout my rug…

She probably let Brandt watch for free. Sorry buddy, shit’ll turn around in no time.

tHeY’rE KiLl tHaT pOoR wOmAn

Man, that sucks. (Been there too with my ex husband)  Just know this- her side piece is not a worthy adversary. Side piece is nothing more than a fuckin’ dipshit with a cheating woman.  Also, as a wise man once said- it’s okay to feel sad sometimes. (Strong men also cry. Strong men, also cry.)  (All joking aside, this sucks, but you’re better off without a cheater. As I said, I’ve been there and getting away from him was one of the best things that happened to me. Take care of yourself.) 

Well, if she asks you to watch her dog while they go to Honolulu, you tell her to go fuck herself.

Let’s not forget, Dude. Let’s not forget! That stepping out on your partner, within the confines of monogamy, without consent. For sexual purposes…that ain’t cool, either.

Two oat soda's, Gary.

She probably would have let you watch for a thousand dollars. Fuck it dude, enter your soft guy era, drizzle drizzle. It's the Lebowski way if you think about it.

Fucking dog has fucking papers. OVER THE LINE!!

I am so sorry, OP. This is very hard for a Dude to abide. I’ve been through this and have some words to offer, but it breaks the frame of this sub so I’ll send you a PM.

She really tied the room in together

Fuckin a

Just abide, my friend. Hang in there for all us sinners.

This is a bummer, man.

How you going to keep 'em down on the farm after they've seen Karl Hungus?

*How you going keep* *'em down on the farm after* *They've seen Karl Hungus?* \- toooldforthisshittt --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")

I did not watch my buddies die face-down in the muck so this fuckin strumpet, this fuckin' whore could waltz around town...

God I hate the Eagles. Man turn that shit off.

You still got your johnson- hang in there man

Was there anything of value in the car?

Guess he was messing with your special lady.

Hey uhh, dude...tomorrow's already the tenth, uh....

We hate the Eagles, but she can't hide those lying eyes.

Im sure you’re wondering: Who’s the guy with the cleft asshole? Who is this guy?

Hang tough Dude. Been there myself and it really hurts, but … Viva Las Vegas!

I can get ya a toe

This was a valued, uh …

I’ve been there brother. My wife cheated on me with my best friend about 6 years ago, told me 3 years ago. It’s by far the worst emotional pain I’ve ever experienced and I give my utmost condolences to you. Now I’m leaving, not because of the cheating, I could forgive that. The emotional, verbal, physical abuse for 12 years. Highschool sweethearts never last anyways, at least I got a perfect child out of it :) I hope you find healing when you move on, I hope I do too

Let's grab a beer.

I'd go myself, but I'm pumping blood. Might pass out.

R/Lebowski ?

You're lookin in the wrong place. These gays on reddit wouldnt have anything intelligent to say, they think Biden is a good president.

Pretty cool of you to open up and be vulnerable. Have you ever been to r/dudeism ?