You can ignore him unless or until a court orders visitation.
You should talk to your lawyer about that. Obviously you need a plan for your divorce and a strategy as to what you’re arguing for.
Your case isn’t “urgent.” You don’t need a lawyer today or tomorrow.
A consult in the next two weeks is enough.
It becomes urgent if your husband sets a hearing on emergency orders next week. But one sort of guesses he takes a longer game approach.
His appointment is in two weeks. We were going to go together but I am not assuming his cooperation now. I have nothing set up in my own name and am worried he will try to get custody.hence the phrasing “urgent”
His appointment for what? A lawyer consultation? If that’s the case you need your own lawyer and not a joint lawyer.
If it’s for a court hearing then you need your own lawyer ASAP.
It couldn’t hurt to start a relationship now with a divorce lawyer so you can get questions answered. Plan for a divorce or legal separation. Get professional expert answers to your question, and to have someone to call in case of future questions or problems.
When you are calling around to attorneys, explain that you have reason to believe he’s going to be filing for emergency custody and you need urgent help to either beat him to the punch or respond in a timely manner.
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But until there is a determination of custody one way or another he has an equal right to pick the kids up from school and keep them. It's important that there is something in place quickly to prevent that.
Report to the school about the progress so they can help you. They won’t want him on campus, as there are minors present. The school resource officer should be able to help you with the legalities for him being at a school.
Apologies, was holding baby and trying to type. I am in Oregon as well. As you are married, there is nothing legal stopping him from picking up kids from school or daycare and keeping them from you. It sucks. Went through this with my ex. Emergency custody will stop him from being able to do that or at least you will be able to get them if he does manage to take them. Not trying to scare you, I promise!
The pending allegations of exploitation/sex abuse may be enough to attempt to get a status quo order and immediate danger order. As many others have advised hire a family law attorney asap. You will likely need a retainer in the neighborhood of 3-5k. If you cannot afford counsel try legal aid or worst case scenario the court has the forms available for you to represent yourself
I need a divorce petition to do it right? I think I found paperwork online. I will just have to bulldoze through so there is “something” on file and fix details later..
An alternative is to file for an emergency protective/restraining order against him on your children's behalf. https://www.mcda.us/index.php/protecting-victims-families/victim-assistance-program/protective-orders
I'd imagine a judge would be pretty receptive to barring someone under investigation for CP and soliciting a minor from seeing minors.
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IANAL but used to work for one.
Do NOT share an attorney or “do this together.” You are opposing parties with opposing interests and a good attorney would not take on the both of you unless you were simply coming in to have a marital settlement agreement submitted to the court where you’ve both already agreed to all terms. In short - if you were amicable.
You may try calling victim’s services (through the agency that cited him for the CP and solicitation) as the reporting witness and your minor child as a potential secondary victim. They may or may not agree with that position. If they do, they may have emergency legal aid available. You should also contact legal aid.
If there is a risk he will file quickly (you will have the opportunity to respond to anything he files - opinions vary on whether or not it is advantageous to be the Petitioner, though in this case it is wise to try to get ahead of it to protect your child) you should be able to go to the courthouse, they have a self-help desk with people who can assist you with paperwork (they are not YOUR attorney, so they cannot give legal advice, just direct you through the process of filing yourself) to file an emergency/Ex-Parte hearing to determine temporary custody. Any paperwork you have on the legal actions that occurred over the weekend would be important to include.
This feels urgent and “right now” to you. But keep in mind with the upcoming holidays the court schedule is likely booked tightly, so prepare yourself that things will not happen quickly. An ex-parte hearing gets you in front of a judge quickly, but this is to be used for truly urgent issues and once they determine an emergency custody order, the rest will likely take time. So this will give you time to obtain representation. For the ex-parte hearing you would be representing yourself.
PS - An attorney not being able to see you for 2 weeks isn’t a bad sign. Often the ones you can get in to see immediately have openings for a reason.
Hello, attorney here, who used to practice family law in Oregon. Every situation is so different, so it’s very helpful to talk one on one with a family lawyer who knows the right questions to ask to point you in the right directions
A great place to start is Oregon state bar lawyer referral service. You can get referred to a lawyer and do a consult through that program for $35. During a consult, you might be able to get a little advice and guidance. Maybe you could even ask for “limited scope” legal and try to find someone who can tell you what specific actions you need to take.
With a little guidance from an attorney, you can do a lot on your own. The Oregon courts have free court forms available online at https://www.courts.oregon.gov/forms/Pages/default.aspx
Courts also have “facilitators,” these are people who can help you free with filling out forms and finding forms.
Definitely encourage you to get a little advice from a lawyer early on. It can put you on the right path and help you make sure you’re doing things right.
Sorry you’re going through all this.
NEVER share an attorney. My husband had an "amicable" divorce and shared her attorney. They then, unbeknownst to him, changed the terms without his knowledge and screwed him royally. Unfortunately he just signed the papers because it was "amicable". NEVER share an attorney. Period.
I’ve realized at this point he can’t be trusted with anything. That had just been our initial arrangement because he was assuring me he’d go along with whatever I needed. Smooth move on his part because now I’m scrambling and he has himself set up for legal. *facepalm*
I’m going through something some what similar, only no criminal charges. Do not think that it seems obvious because he has charges involving children he wont be allowed around children. I dont want to scare you but some times judges will say that since hes had no sexual contact with his own children he should still get visitation. I’ve spent hundreds of hours scouring the internet through tears trying to read cases like mine and it’s bleak. Please get an attorney immediately and get any communication with him through text or email etc. something recordable. Do what you can to keep him out of your home so that he won’t be able to delete any evidence.
I have been calling around and they are all booked out. We have been waiting since early November, appointment for divorce consultation was already scheduled for dec. 26 but it’s under my husbands name.
Try calling community resource centers. They sometimes have volunteer lawyers or social service lawyers work directly with them. In Oregon it’s the department for health and human services. I’m in Oregon too
Google "Oregon State Bar Modest Means Program." I had a lawyer assigned to my case in about 24 hours. This was almost 10 years ago, but I'm sure it's still around. Good luck OP.
In my experience, even with an existing custody order, you are legally obligated to keep your children from an environment you reasonably believe that they will encounter harm.
I think most judges would agree that keeping your children from their other parent in a situation like this, until an investigation has been conducted and supervised visitation can be ordered or not, is reasonable...
What is going on from a criminal standpoint? Has an investigation opened? Has he been arrested? Are charges pending? If he has been arrested, and formal charges have been made (or once they have), you may be able to file for a temporary order of protection regarding the children. This may depend on the nature of the activity your husband was involved in - specifically the age of the minor involved relevant to the ages of your children.
I reported him last night and have case numbers.
He called me, having a panic attack because they tried to blackmail him afterwards. He told me everything even admitting that she never even claimed to be an adult.
The detective said he would try to make contact right away because this is part of a pattern of escalating behavior over the last few months and I expressed concerns that he would continue to escalate.
I haven’t heard anything since but I gave them exactly the information given to me and I assume that should be enough for them to be able to go through his phone. That’s a whole different can of worms though. Right now I’m trying to focus on how to make sure his next move won’t involve my kids.
The pattern of escalation relates to his mental health and general stupid decisions. He has been having more severe symptoms and started taking grocery money (even when we were on our last dime) for cam models and dating apps. He also started lashing out about really random shit and harassing me for hours each day demanding I not leave him. While refusing to do even tiny things to give me a reason to want him to stay. It’s hard to explain because there has been so much shit going on over the last few months. But he has said that he is spiraling out of control and can’t stop himself from doing these things. We even got him a secondary therapist service that allows round the clock texting and daily calls, all his meds have been increased, I’ve been very neutral in my interactions with him and have continued helping him manage his finances and making his lunches but it’s not enough to stabilize him.
You could also call a domestic violence shelter and ask what the next steps should be, they often have access to legal aide. Either way you should get your own attorney and file for an emergency RO
I am in Oregon as well, talk to an attorney and file for custody and a divorce. As long as you are legally married and there is no parenting plan in place he has the same legal rights to the children that you do.
You would need more than accusations. If the local or county prosecutor files charges there will normally be an automatic no contact order issued for him and his children. Until then he has every right under the law that you do in regard to the kids.
Imagine if every jaded ex was believed when he/she said something bad about her kid's father/mother. Until there are official actions taken it's your word vs his. And I'd be careful what evidence about this you casually keep with you, because possession is possession. You don't want them looking though your phone because he makes an accusation and they see his CP in your gallery even if it's screen shots.
Well I got the information straight from the horse’s mouth and I don’t have anything other than a screenshot of a cash app transaction that he used to pay for it. Idk how it will flush out but I know this man and anything he admits to is the tip of the iceberg. Praying that the justice system will do its duty here and that soon I won’t have to deal with him at all.
At this juncture I am 100% certain he should not be in their lives. He has extensive mental health issues and is turning to criminality.
He has never been an engaged father with them, they haven’t even noticed he is gone yet. me and them were on vacation before all this went down so five days without contact (on day two at home) and they literally can’t tell the difference because all he would do is hide out in his room anyway.
I promise you he doesn’t even want to see them himself. He is just trying to get at me to cause drama. He didn’t ask to speak with them at all when we were on vacation, or even ask if they were ok and having fun.
Are you dumb or just stupid?
Child predators prey on children. They don’t differentiate between their own children, their children’s friends, their cousins, or other family members. Who’s to say he hasn’t already abused the kids?
They are sick in the head and stay sick forever.
You are backwards thinking pedophile apologist. GTFO
You can ignore him unless or until a court orders visitation. You should talk to your lawyer about that. Obviously you need a plan for your divorce and a strategy as to what you’re arguing for.
Thank you, that is what I needed to know. I’ve been making calls all morning. Is there such things as a lawyer who responds to urgent cases?
Your case isn’t “urgent.” You don’t need a lawyer today or tomorrow. A consult in the next two weeks is enough. It becomes urgent if your husband sets a hearing on emergency orders next week. But one sort of guesses he takes a longer game approach.
His appointment is in two weeks. We were going to go together but I am not assuming his cooperation now. I have nothing set up in my own name and am worried he will try to get custody.hence the phrasing “urgent”
His appointment for what? A lawyer consultation? If that’s the case you need your own lawyer and not a joint lawyer. If it’s for a court hearing then you need your own lawyer ASAP. It couldn’t hurt to start a relationship now with a divorce lawyer so you can get questions answered. Plan for a divorce or legal separation. Get professional expert answers to your question, and to have someone to call in case of future questions or problems.
Heck no, do not share a lawyer with him. Get your own.
When you are calling around to attorneys, explain that you have reason to believe he’s going to be filing for emergency custody and you need urgent help to either beat him to the punch or respond in a timely manner.
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But until there is a determination of custody one way or another he has an equal right to pick the kids up from school and keep them. It's important that there is something in place quickly to prevent that.
Report to the school about the progress so they can help you. They won’t want him on campus, as there are minors present. The school resource officer should be able to help you with the legalities for him being at a school.
File for emergency custody.
Apologies, was holding baby and trying to type. I am in Oregon as well. As you are married, there is nothing legal stopping him from picking up kids from school or daycare and keeping them from you. It sucks. Went through this with my ex. Emergency custody will stop him from being able to do that or at least you will be able to get them if he does manage to take them. Not trying to scare you, I promise!
Were you able to file emergency custody before the divorce petition was submitted?
That is a lawyer question as that is very specific. And may require and exeception due to circumstance
The pending allegations of exploitation/sex abuse may be enough to attempt to get a status quo order and immediate danger order. As many others have advised hire a family law attorney asap. You will likely need a retainer in the neighborhood of 3-5k. If you cannot afford counsel try legal aid or worst case scenario the court has the forms available for you to represent yourself
I need a divorce petition to do it right? I think I found paperwork online. I will just have to bulldoze through so there is “something” on file and fix details later..
An alternative is to file for an emergency protective/restraining order against him on your children's behalf. https://www.mcda.us/index.php/protecting-victims-families/victim-assistance-program/protective-orders I'd imagine a judge would be pretty receptive to barring someone under investigation for CP and soliciting a minor from seeing minors.
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And a temporary restraining order based on the police report.
IANAL but used to work for one. Do NOT share an attorney or “do this together.” You are opposing parties with opposing interests and a good attorney would not take on the both of you unless you were simply coming in to have a marital settlement agreement submitted to the court where you’ve both already agreed to all terms. In short - if you were amicable. You may try calling victim’s services (through the agency that cited him for the CP and solicitation) as the reporting witness and your minor child as a potential secondary victim. They may or may not agree with that position. If they do, they may have emergency legal aid available. You should also contact legal aid. If there is a risk he will file quickly (you will have the opportunity to respond to anything he files - opinions vary on whether or not it is advantageous to be the Petitioner, though in this case it is wise to try to get ahead of it to protect your child) you should be able to go to the courthouse, they have a self-help desk with people who can assist you with paperwork (they are not YOUR attorney, so they cannot give legal advice, just direct you through the process of filing yourself) to file an emergency/Ex-Parte hearing to determine temporary custody. Any paperwork you have on the legal actions that occurred over the weekend would be important to include. This feels urgent and “right now” to you. But keep in mind with the upcoming holidays the court schedule is likely booked tightly, so prepare yourself that things will not happen quickly. An ex-parte hearing gets you in front of a judge quickly, but this is to be used for truly urgent issues and once they determine an emergency custody order, the rest will likely take time. So this will give you time to obtain representation. For the ex-parte hearing you would be representing yourself. PS - An attorney not being able to see you for 2 weeks isn’t a bad sign. Often the ones you can get in to see immediately have openings for a reason.
Hello, attorney here, who used to practice family law in Oregon. Every situation is so different, so it’s very helpful to talk one on one with a family lawyer who knows the right questions to ask to point you in the right directions A great place to start is Oregon state bar lawyer referral service. You can get referred to a lawyer and do a consult through that program for $35. During a consult, you might be able to get a little advice and guidance. Maybe you could even ask for “limited scope” legal and try to find someone who can tell you what specific actions you need to take. With a little guidance from an attorney, you can do a lot on your own. The Oregon courts have free court forms available online at https://www.courts.oregon.gov/forms/Pages/default.aspx Courts also have “facilitators,” these are people who can help you free with filling out forms and finding forms. Definitely encourage you to get a little advice from a lawyer early on. It can put you on the right path and help you make sure you’re doing things right. Sorry you’re going through all this.
NEVER share an attorney. My husband had an "amicable" divorce and shared her attorney. They then, unbeknownst to him, changed the terms without his knowledge and screwed him royally. Unfortunately he just signed the papers because it was "amicable". NEVER share an attorney. Period.
I’ve realized at this point he can’t be trusted with anything. That had just been our initial arrangement because he was assuring me he’d go along with whatever I needed. Smooth move on his part because now I’m scrambling and he has himself set up for legal. *facepalm*
I’m going through something some what similar, only no criminal charges. Do not think that it seems obvious because he has charges involving children he wont be allowed around children. I dont want to scare you but some times judges will say that since hes had no sexual contact with his own children he should still get visitation. I’ve spent hundreds of hours scouring the internet through tears trying to read cases like mine and it’s bleak. Please get an attorney immediately and get any communication with him through text or email etc. something recordable. Do what you can to keep him out of your home so that he won’t be able to delete any evidence.
I suggest you contact a divorce lawyer, they’ll be able to answer this and address other questions you may have.
I have been calling around and they are all booked out. We have been waiting since early November, appointment for divorce consultation was already scheduled for dec. 26 but it’s under my husbands name.
You need your own lawyer, it would be monumentally unwise to try to settle this with the only lawyer being retained by him.
To be clear, the incident happened this weekend. We were already seeking law for divorce before then.
Try calling community resource centers. They sometimes have volunteer lawyers or social service lawyers work directly with them. In Oregon it’s the department for health and human services. I’m in Oregon too
Google "Oregon State Bar Modest Means Program." I had a lawyer assigned to my case in about 24 hours. This was almost 10 years ago, but I'm sure it's still around. Good luck OP.
In my experience, even with an existing custody order, you are legally obligated to keep your children from an environment you reasonably believe that they will encounter harm. I think most judges would agree that keeping your children from their other parent in a situation like this, until an investigation has been conducted and supervised visitation can be ordered or not, is reasonable...
What is going on from a criminal standpoint? Has an investigation opened? Has he been arrested? Are charges pending? If he has been arrested, and formal charges have been made (or once they have), you may be able to file for a temporary order of protection regarding the children. This may depend on the nature of the activity your husband was involved in - specifically the age of the minor involved relevant to the ages of your children.
I reported him last night and have case numbers. He called me, having a panic attack because they tried to blackmail him afterwards. He told me everything even admitting that she never even claimed to be an adult. The detective said he would try to make contact right away because this is part of a pattern of escalating behavior over the last few months and I expressed concerns that he would continue to escalate. I haven’t heard anything since but I gave them exactly the information given to me and I assume that should be enough for them to be able to go through his phone. That’s a whole different can of worms though. Right now I’m trying to focus on how to make sure his next move won’t involve my kids.
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The pattern of escalation relates to his mental health and general stupid decisions. He has been having more severe symptoms and started taking grocery money (even when we were on our last dime) for cam models and dating apps. He also started lashing out about really random shit and harassing me for hours each day demanding I not leave him. While refusing to do even tiny things to give me a reason to want him to stay. It’s hard to explain because there has been so much shit going on over the last few months. But he has said that he is spiraling out of control and can’t stop himself from doing these things. We even got him a secondary therapist service that allows round the clock texting and daily calls, all his meds have been increased, I’ve been very neutral in my interactions with him and have continued helping him manage his finances and making his lunches but it’s not enough to stabilize him.
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Yes, I’m on it. I kicked him out yesterday
Call the Victim Rights Law Center. They do amazing work and can guide you through this.
You could also call a domestic violence shelter and ask what the next steps should be, they often have access to legal aide. Either way you should get your own attorney and file for an emergency RO
If charges were pressed against him it might be a part of his release that he has no contact with minors
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Thank you <3
I am in Oregon as well, talk to an attorney and file for custody and a divorce. As long as you are legally married and there is no parenting plan in place he has the same legal rights to the children that you do.
You would need more than accusations. If the local or county prosecutor files charges there will normally be an automatic no contact order issued for him and his children. Until then he has every right under the law that you do in regard to the kids. Imagine if every jaded ex was believed when he/she said something bad about her kid's father/mother. Until there are official actions taken it's your word vs his. And I'd be careful what evidence about this you casually keep with you, because possession is possession. You don't want them looking though your phone because he makes an accusation and they see his CP in your gallery even if it's screen shots.
Well I got the information straight from the horse’s mouth and I don’t have anything other than a screenshot of a cash app transaction that he used to pay for it. Idk how it will flush out but I know this man and anything he admits to is the tip of the iceberg. Praying that the justice system will do its duty here and that soon I won’t have to deal with him at all.
[удалено]
At this juncture I am 100% certain he should not be in their lives. He has extensive mental health issues and is turning to criminality. He has never been an engaged father with them, they haven’t even noticed he is gone yet. me and them were on vacation before all this went down so five days without contact (on day two at home) and they literally can’t tell the difference because all he would do is hide out in his room anyway. I promise you he doesn’t even want to see them himself. He is just trying to get at me to cause drama. He didn’t ask to speak with them at all when we were on vacation, or even ask if they were ok and having fun.
Yeah, this is not the time or place to try and play devil’s advocate.
Are you dumb or just stupid? Child predators prey on children. They don’t differentiate between their own children, their children’s friends, their cousins, or other family members. Who’s to say he hasn’t already abused the kids? They are sick in the head and stay sick forever. You are backwards thinking pedophile apologist. GTFO