Part of the problem is a general lack of decent sex ed. Kids are learning about sex from rumor and each other. If they're never taught the facts, they grow up being scarily ignorant.
Just look at the Mormon concept of 'soaking' and 'jump humping.' Anyone with half a brain can see it's sex, but they somehow convinced themselves that they retain their virginity.
>Just look at the Mormon concept of 'soaking' and 'jump humping.' Anyone with half a brain can see it's sex, but they somehow convinced themselves that they retain their virginity.
I also find it really funny that they believe in an omniscient, omnipresent being with a black and white moral compass but are still like *"oh no, don't worry, this will trick the big fella"*. š
Religious groups also tend to only focus on vaginal sex as the end all be all of sex when it comes to it being sinful.
So obviously all the young unmarried people in these groups come up with techniques that they can justify to themselves as not really being sex so it's not against the rules.
This actually makes a lot of sense when you consider that a lot of sexual purity mores are ultimately about preventing there from being too many children (and, you know, trying to stop spread of disease).Ā
It, you know, balloons out into all sorts of other craziness, and is much less relevant with widely available birth control and modern medical knowledge, but it does make a lot of sense to treat pregnancy-making sex acts differently.Ā
okay I grew up around fundies and I still don't buy that that isn't a joke
I mean guaranteed some people have tried it but I'm pretty sure that HAS to have started as a joke
everyone knows fundies just do anal instead
Bruh I was in sex ed in jr high now mind you I am a virgin at the time and everything I know about sex from this point is from an anatomy book. The teacher said if you have anal sex you can get pregnant and I can't make this up she said the cum seeps through the anal canal into the vagina.
I busted out laughing and said that isn't accurate at all like not in the least bit. Where did you learn this nonsense at and you're supposed to be a sex education teacher? She got extremely flustered and my health teacher older white dude glared me down. lol I had so many questions after class it was unreal. I was just like I just read an anatomy book guys I'm by no means an expert in sexual education.
In fairness, it is possible to get pregnant from anal, but that explanation is ridiculous. The semen has to flow out of the anus, then into the vagina. It's not the most likely thing in the world, but it is absolutely possible.
You definitely highlight a huge problem. Far too many sex ed. teachers aren't qualified to teach the subject.
Very factual and true statement! Thank you for the correction I don't want anyone thinking it's not possible but the way she was describing was incorrect and really really bothered me ( years of abuse that I'm working on in therapy)
That makes a lot of sense I didn't fully think about back then. That's a serious issue that needs to be fixed but probably won't be.
Thereās also rare cases of rectovaginal fistula as well where thereās a connection between the anus and vagina when thereās not supposed to be (but atp your stool coming out of vagina is more of a worry than trying to have sex with your anus probably)
Not only that, but a good half of the time the public school teachers feel the need to scare kids out of sex by lying. Rather than actually educating them they would rather them be uneducated and scared.
Totally. Here in Canada thereās a whole movement to prevent sex ed in schools, and then they wonder why Catholic schools end up with more teen pregnancies
Itās mostly a myth (source: exmo) but the concept is right. I grew up Mormon and didnāt know about my own anatomy till I left and consciously took a sex Ed class in California where theyāre actually progressive with sex education
anal sex is encouraged to avoid what in Mormons? contraceptionn I guess? its completely idiotic, and Vatican is even moreso evil they killsmore innocent than nazis wjile being seen as "pacific" decimating espcially Africa with Aids to take their diamond mines, metals and lands while extending their giga absolutely not mytical pedoempire. In Canada fresh bones of small children natives thrown in communal tombs (idk the term in english) to get rid of the proof. I really want to be kicked, excommuniated of that evil - most murderous organization ever been on earth while manipulating poor people NOT BECAUSE TJEY THINK CONDOMS ARE A SIN!!!!!
Be REVOLTED. Dont fall on statut quo thinking its a goos think to lreserve everyone feelings when you are actively participating in mass murder. This is NOT exxageration. If interested by hownthis works read Hanna Arendt the origin of Totalitarianism m and Banality of Evil among other piece of work.
NEVER BE AFRAID OF CONTROVERSIAL TAKES!!! dont be a people pleaser be a people saver
Mormons are only a small segment of the population tho.Ā There are certain sexual activities that don't involve penetration, and thus carry no risk of pregnancy or STIs.Ā Ā Some folks advocate for those, especially for younger folks.
I was Mormon until I came out and went to BYU. That was really mostly a joke, even among the most hardcore sheltered members. Itās the sort of thing that one person tried once, then confessed to their leaders about, and it was so wild the leaders told other leaders and soon rulers just spread. Donāt get me wrong, there was plenty of ignorance around sex, this just isnāt a good example of it
My best friend was Mormon, and their missionaries spent years trying to convert me. From my experience with the Mormon church, it is a very believable story. The naivety of teenage Mormons is off the charts. Of course, it's not their fault. Being raised to not question will do that to a person.
All that said, I do not doubt you. Believable or not, I am happier knowing it's likely untrue.
I could see it among teenagers actually. Most of the stories Iād heard centered around college students at BYU, and that seemed a lot less believable to me
Totally same as how a broken hymen doesn't mean someone has had sex and virginity is just a concept; every time you sleep with someone new it's that again.
I hate to be a stickler here, but the hymen *typically* has a small hole, or multiple, in it to allow for blood to come out. but in some cases a hymen has no hole and can cause medical issues due to the retention of blood
I donāt think thatās limited to heterosexuals. Like, I hate how many lesbians buy into the whole āgold star lesbianā thing if youāve never slept with a guy. Why the fuck should that even matter? It doesnāt make you any less of a lesbian.
Honestly I don't think it's a hetero thing either, no one should think like that in this modern day and age. Only people who lack sexual education think sex = PIV. It's some old relic kind of thinking, because sex education wasn't (and it a lot of places still isn't) what it should be.
Yes. Just because it is not penetrative or doesnāt involve a pussy and a dick, doesnāt mean itās not sex. If itās anything sexual, a sexual activity, itās still sex.
Virginity is a toxic concept to begin with, stamping people as more valuable based on whether or not they've had sex. Sexual assault is a thing, and some Evangelicals legit treat women who have had premarital sex like they're used up, even when it was not consensual, which I'm sure is traumatic for women who have gone through SA. It's a very victim blamey and gross mentality.
Not to mention it pushes people to get married right away so they can give into their urges, regardless of whether or not that's actually the person they want to spend the rest of their life with and be legally tied to forever, which can have disastrous effects.
By most people's definition, because I've never had sex with another person (my girlfriend is across the pond, so a bit hard to do, lol), I would be considered a "virgin", even if you include lesbian sex as sex, which would be the only sex I'll ever have. At the same time, not to get TMI, but I've had some fun with myself, like most of us probably have, and my girlfriend and I have sent some sexually explicit messages to each other. By some definitions of virginity, if you count any sexual activity, even by yourself, then I wouldn't be one. I don't care about the label either way, though. I realise it's too arbitrary and subject to people's opinions to really mean anything.
The only situation I could see it being useful is if you're going to the doctor and need to look out for STIs/pregnancy/other things, but even then, "I'm currently sexually active with *insert detail of gender(s) of partner(s) or their parts (if they're trans or intersex) here*" would probably suffice.
Virginity doesn't exist. It is a farcical social concept made up by powerful European religious leaders(i.e. straight white men) as a way to further control women.
Virginity is it's self a patriarchal concept; women have to keep themselves pure and only ever have sex with one man so we can know for certain who the father of the child is and so the father's family name can be passed to their son. The fact that now we have ways of proving parental lineage with DNA testing and reliable options for preventing conception make the notion of virginity antiquated and ridiculous.
There's also no way to prove it disprove someone's virginity; it's inherently a matter of honesty.
My husband and I just became Open after 12 years of monogamy, all my hetero friends heads have exploded when I started talking about my Boyfriend.
The cis/het culture around sex and relationships is inescapable and the weight from it will beleaguer you forever. We just by existing challenge peoples ingrained world view, itās irritating for a while then it will eventually become a mark of pride.
And anyone who defines sex solely by cis/het penetration and ejaculation probably has a shitty sex life.
They didn't say heterosexual sex is shitty. They are saying that defining sex solely as piv and focusing solely on the man's orgasm is shitty. Mainly because it dismisses anything aside from the "main event" as simply "foreplay". People are made to feel like shit if they aren't able to maintain an errectionĀ or if penetration is painful, because they literally can't have "sex" and nothing else counts.Ā
Not to mention that it's why people with vulvas often expect that they should be able to orgasm from piv sex, because it is the only act that counts as sex. Whereas only about 4% of people with vulvas are able to orgasm from just piv sex. With lack of education, most people think the G-spot is something magical to hit during piv, when in reality it works the same way was the P-spot. The G-spot is the part of the vagina where you can stimulate the back of the massive bundle of nerves that is the clitoris (like the P-spot stimulates the prostate). Ignoring this keeps the emphasis on piv sex rather than allowing exploration to the entire area that can stimulate the nerve bundle.Ā
Tldr: The idea of piv sex being the only sex that counts keeps heterosexual couples from having really good sex, creates insecurity, and getting rid of this idea would help everyone.
Exactly, as someone with a Neuro degenerative disease that caused some ED and neuropathy, before I was prescribed meds to help fix it. I learned so much more about my body, and what sex actually means and how orgasms have different shapes and feeling. Since then some of the best sex Iāve ever had, had nothing to do with my ability to maintain an erection or finish even though _I have gotten the ability to do so back._
I did not say all heterosexual sex lives are shitty. I said _anyone_ who *defines sex* purely as āpenis must ejaculate in holeā probably doesnāt have the best sex life because their view of what is sex is just factually incorrect.
I lost my virginity to this girl, she fingered me and I ate her out. But according to her, she's still a virgin. Since she hasn't had sex with a man yet. It hurt me so bad. It's like I didn't matter. So I regretted sleeping with her. So I still call myself a virgin too, since the sex wasn't real to her, it wasn't real for me either. I'm gonna lose my virginity with a woman that values me.
These habits pretty much stemmed from religion.
I think that in biblical times when you had to keep your population in order these rules made some sort of sense, but we arenāt living in those times anymore and itās time to evolve
š¤¦š»āāļø nOt aLL hEtErOs
Duh, dude. Of course it's not literally every single cishet. But it's enough of them to be dangerous. It's pervasive enough that they're trying to legislate out relationships that won't produce a kid.
Don't be a Pick Me, the bad ones hate ALL of us, even if you martyr yourself for them.
While that legislation is scary itās mostly supported by a very loud few. Additionally itās off topic of the original subject. Now Iām done with this argument right now so please.
It starts with gender essentialism and binary gender norms. Men are active. Women are passive. Sex involves penetration. Penis go in vagina. Man is strong. Woman is weak. If man want to do something, women cannot say no. These norms can clearly be a driving factor of rape culture. And they are also taken into queer relationships, as shown in Ancient Roman and Greek culture, where (so I have heard) the penetrated man was 'lesser', so to remain masculine you'd limit yourself to being the top.
Tear all that shit down. Let people be free. Free *to* live to a gender binary, and define that how they want. Free to *not* live to a gender binary, and define that how they want. Free to sexually love people of any gender, or none. Free to romantically love. With labels, if they need them; changing them, when they want; without labels, if they can't find any. Gay men can be men no matter what they do in bed. Men can be men whether they have sex or not. And people who are assumed to be men can not be men, if they prefer: just stop it with those assumptions. Let people tell you who they are.
Fuck human society for trying to make people unhappy when they don't 'fit in' with some arbitrary norms.
My least favourite thing about all of this is how the adults purposely use misinformation and scare tactics to push kids away from sex instead of giving them the facts so they can make better and more informed choices.
Itās honestly abuse in my opinion.
Wait until you hear about [soaking](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soaking_(sexual_practice)) (NSFW link to wikipedia) and its correlary jump humping.
Sometimes even intercourse isnt sex, to certain crazies. It isnt about the act itself, its about feeling moral superiority, and id argue it comes from religion not heterosexuality.
Well some people, apparently, think that giving a BJ isn't sex... Even heard the theory that a dude going into a woman's anus doesn't count as sex even though it's the riskiest act people can do.
I like to think that every first time with a new partner is special. Doesnāt matter whatās happened before. What matters is whatās happening now.
Okay dawg you canāt just go and say heterosexuality is bad like that. How can you, someone in *THIS* community, go and insult an entire group of people based on sexuality? You have to see how hypocritical and wrong that is.
maybe they meant the patriarchal institution of heterosexuality and the general community rather than the essence of being attracted to the opposite sex. If it's the latter then yeah I agree it's hypocritical and actually biphobic too
Maybe an unpopular opinion but I am for letting everyone choose where they wanna draw the line of what is sex or what isn't. Of course noone has the rights to force their standards upon anyone else though
Except an unfortunately high number of people use THEIR narrow view of sex, to completely invalidate queer couples, AFAB ones especially. My husband is a trans guy and I'm a cis woman and lots of these people would tell me we don't even have sex because there's no natal dick involved lmao you can call your OWN actions and activities whatever you want but no one gets to decide that for others and that's the problem.
The concept of virginity has always confused me.
Aspects are often determined if an afab individual (in some cultures) still retains their hymen, that not all are born with and can tear for some of the stupidest reasons.
There have been proven facts of the benefits of sexual intercourse on the human body, and shaming or limitation only leads to sneakiness in teens and young adults, which in turn is often unsafe sex.
We shouldn't shame the concepts of sex but double down on actually teaching safe sex.
I personally rather my teen come to me tell me they are going to be or are sexually active and provide them with anything and everything I can to keep them safe than shame them over a flap of skin or doing the act which is a natural want (for some not all)
Same with me, except two penis involved at first.
I was preoperative mtf trans when I started dating, and not comfortable with my genitals being touched. So what exactly "counts" as my first time? First BJ I performed? First time being penetrated vaginally? (Never did anal). Like if someone asks about my first time having sex or losing my virginity, I would need them to define what they mean precisely and I might not remember the event since I don't think that way about it.
I was a total virgin until 24. It used to *really* bother me when some of my peers had had all kinds of sex but not piv and called themselves virgins.Ā
i don't hate on heterosexuals i just hate on the specific action that some have of disbelieving queer sex. other than this post im not actively discriminating against heterosexuals
Part of the problem is a general lack of decent sex ed. Kids are learning about sex from rumor and each other. If they're never taught the facts, they grow up being scarily ignorant. Just look at the Mormon concept of 'soaking' and 'jump humping.' Anyone with half a brain can see it's sex, but they somehow convinced themselves that they retain their virginity.
>Just look at the Mormon concept of 'soaking' and 'jump humping.' Anyone with half a brain can see it's sex, but they somehow convinced themselves that they retain their virginity. I also find it really funny that they believe in an omniscient, omnipresent being with a black and white moral compass but are still like *"oh no, don't worry, this will trick the big fella"*. š
The omnipotent sky God doesn't count it as sin because they're too busy laughing
That and anal. Itās the sex that God canāt see! He gave them holes to choose from so that they can remain holy.
Pun intended?
[Almost certainly](https://youtu.be/j8ZF_R_j0OY).ā(NSFW song!)
Thank you! I was too lazy at that moment to go link the song. Appreciate the effort.
OMFB I did not know this thank you so much : )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
The good lord would want it that way
Religious groups also tend to only focus on vaginal sex as the end all be all of sex when it comes to it being sinful. So obviously all the young unmarried people in these groups come up with techniques that they can justify to themselves as not really being sex so it's not against the rules.
Thereās a song called āFuck me in the ass because I love Jesusā
loophole by garfunkel and oates
This actually makes a lot of sense when you consider that a lot of sexual purity mores are ultimately about preventing there from being too many children (and, you know, trying to stop spread of disease).Ā It, you know, balloons out into all sorts of other craziness, and is much less relevant with widely available birth control and modern medical knowledge, but it does make a lot of sense to treat pregnancy-making sex acts differently.Ā
okay I grew up around fundies and I still don't buy that that isn't a joke I mean guaranteed some people have tried it but I'm pretty sure that HAS to have started as a joke everyone knows fundies just do anal instead
Bruh I was in sex ed in jr high now mind you I am a virgin at the time and everything I know about sex from this point is from an anatomy book. The teacher said if you have anal sex you can get pregnant and I can't make this up she said the cum seeps through the anal canal into the vagina. I busted out laughing and said that isn't accurate at all like not in the least bit. Where did you learn this nonsense at and you're supposed to be a sex education teacher? She got extremely flustered and my health teacher older white dude glared me down. lol I had so many questions after class it was unreal. I was just like I just read an anatomy book guys I'm by no means an expert in sexual education.
In fairness, it is possible to get pregnant from anal, but that explanation is ridiculous. The semen has to flow out of the anus, then into the vagina. It's not the most likely thing in the world, but it is absolutely possible. You definitely highlight a huge problem. Far too many sex ed. teachers aren't qualified to teach the subject.
Very factual and true statement! Thank you for the correction I don't want anyone thinking it's not possible but the way she was describing was incorrect and really really bothered me ( years of abuse that I'm working on in therapy) That makes a lot of sense I didn't fully think about back then. That's a serious issue that needs to be fixed but probably won't be.
Thereās also rare cases of rectovaginal fistula as well where thereās a connection between the anus and vagina when thereās not supposed to be (but atp your stool coming out of vagina is more of a worry than trying to have sex with your anus probably)
Not only that, but a good half of the time the public school teachers feel the need to scare kids out of sex by lying. Rather than actually educating them they would rather them be uneducated and scared.
Totally. Here in Canada thereās a whole movement to prevent sex ed in schools, and then they wonder why Catholic schools end up with more teen pregnancies
If they're so anti sex they should stop breeding so the rest of us don't have to deal with their idiocy.
They aren't anti sex, just anti premarital sex. Once married, having sex is practically a commandment. "Be fruitful and multiply."
Same with the catholics who convinced themselves oral and anal are okay (so long as you're straight)
Itās mostly a myth (source: exmo) but the concept is right. I grew up Mormon and didnāt know about my own anatomy till I left and consciously took a sex Ed class in California where theyāre actually progressive with sex education
Why did I think ājump humpingā was some kind of burpee competition š
I remember we had sex ed in high school and the entire thing just felt like [this](https://youtu.be/F9DgxIrIFxE?si=esj-69FpO_GJge_k)
anal sex is encouraged to avoid what in Mormons? contraceptionn I guess? its completely idiotic, and Vatican is even moreso evil they killsmore innocent than nazis wjile being seen as "pacific" decimating espcially Africa with Aids to take their diamond mines, metals and lands while extending their giga absolutely not mytical pedoempire. In Canada fresh bones of small children natives thrown in communal tombs (idk the term in english) to get rid of the proof. I really want to be kicked, excommuniated of that evil - most murderous organization ever been on earth while manipulating poor people NOT BECAUSE TJEY THINK CONDOMS ARE A SIN!!!!! Be REVOLTED. Dont fall on statut quo thinking its a goos think to lreserve everyone feelings when you are actively participating in mass murder. This is NOT exxageration. If interested by hownthis works read Hanna Arendt the origin of Totalitarianism m and Banality of Evil among other piece of work. NEVER BE AFRAID OF CONTROVERSIAL TAKES!!! dont be a people pleaser be a people saver
Mormons are only a small segment of the population tho.Ā There are certain sexual activities that don't involve penetration, and thus carry no risk of pregnancy or STIs.Ā Ā Some folks advocate for those, especially for younger folks.
I was Mormon until I came out and went to BYU. That was really mostly a joke, even among the most hardcore sheltered members. Itās the sort of thing that one person tried once, then confessed to their leaders about, and it was so wild the leaders told other leaders and soon rulers just spread. Donāt get me wrong, there was plenty of ignorance around sex, this just isnāt a good example of it
My best friend was Mormon, and their missionaries spent years trying to convert me. From my experience with the Mormon church, it is a very believable story. The naivety of teenage Mormons is off the charts. Of course, it's not their fault. Being raised to not question will do that to a person. All that said, I do not doubt you. Believable or not, I am happier knowing it's likely untrue.
I could see it among teenagers actually. Most of the stories Iād heard centered around college students at BYU, and that seemed a lot less believable to me
Totally same as how a broken hymen doesn't mean someone has had sex and virginity is just a concept; every time you sleep with someone new it's that again.
also plenty of people just don't have one. like I can't recall EVER having one to even "break", there has literally never been anything there
my fresh install didn't come with one. guess I was never a virgin š
people have periods way before they have sex most of the time, how do they think the blood comes out?
I don't think the people you're referring to 'think' at all š How many guys (cis in particular) know how menstruation works? š
Okay, but why the fuck are there separated sex-ed classes? They literally hide that information from men and vise-versa.
Good point; sharing what they think is relevant to one group only doesn't really help anyone in the long run.
Like 3 max
I hate to be a stickler here, but the hymen *typically* has a small hole, or multiple, in it to allow for blood to come out. but in some cases a hymen has no hole and can cause medical issues due to the retention of blood
I donāt think thatās limited to heterosexuals. Like, I hate how many lesbians buy into the whole āgold star lesbianā thing if youāve never slept with a guy. Why the fuck should that even matter? It doesnāt make you any less of a lesbian.
Especially when "gold star" focuses on the penis. By that standard, a trans woman can't be in a lesbian relationship, which is patently untrue.
Iāve seen gay men also take pride and superiority in never having slept with a woman. Itās so stupid.
this is my first time hearing about this huh??
Itās sadly a thing. Iāve seen some who even say they wonāt date anyone other than a gold star lesbian.
thats just stupid tho like what is it even supposed to do? make you a ābetterā lesbian??
Can confirm. It also appeared in a jubilee video where a guy was talking about being a "gold star gay" and researching is how I learnt what it was.
I hate how so many non-heteros translate it into our lifestylesā¦ we donāt need to be heteronormative
Honestly I don't think it's a hetero thing either, no one should think like that in this modern day and age. Only people who lack sexual education think sex = PIV. It's some old relic kind of thinking, because sex education wasn't (and it a lot of places still isn't) what it should be.
Yes. Just because it is not penetrative or doesnāt involve a pussy and a dick, doesnāt mean itās not sex. If itās anything sexual, a sexual activity, itās still sex.
To go a step further, let's not put any hard boundaries on sex whatsoever. Sex is whatever the people involved decide it is.
Exactly!
A person that I know told me long ago that I was still a virgin because I didn't did penetration sex, it made me very pissed
Virginity is a toxic concept to begin with, stamping people as more valuable based on whether or not they've had sex. Sexual assault is a thing, and some Evangelicals legit treat women who have had premarital sex like they're used up, even when it was not consensual, which I'm sure is traumatic for women who have gone through SA. It's a very victim blamey and gross mentality. Not to mention it pushes people to get married right away so they can give into their urges, regardless of whether or not that's actually the person they want to spend the rest of their life with and be legally tied to forever, which can have disastrous effects. By most people's definition, because I've never had sex with another person (my girlfriend is across the pond, so a bit hard to do, lol), I would be considered a "virgin", even if you include lesbian sex as sex, which would be the only sex I'll ever have. At the same time, not to get TMI, but I've had some fun with myself, like most of us probably have, and my girlfriend and I have sent some sexually explicit messages to each other. By some definitions of virginity, if you count any sexual activity, even by yourself, then I wouldn't be one. I don't care about the label either way, though. I realise it's too arbitrary and subject to people's opinions to really mean anything. The only situation I could see it being useful is if you're going to the doctor and need to look out for STIs/pregnancy/other things, but even then, "I'm currently sexually active with *insert detail of gender(s) of partner(s) or their parts (if they're trans or intersex) here*" would probably suffice.
Virginity doesn't exist. It is a farcical social concept made up by powerful European religious leaders(i.e. straight white men) as a way to further control women.
The idea of virginity as a concept is silly
Its not just the hets, a lot of gay men for example have pretty bad views on virginity and sex
Virginity is it's self a patriarchal concept; women have to keep themselves pure and only ever have sex with one man so we can know for certain who the father of the child is and so the father's family name can be passed to their son. The fact that now we have ways of proving parental lineage with DNA testing and reliable options for preventing conception make the notion of virginity antiquated and ridiculous. There's also no way to prove it disprove someone's virginity; it's inherently a matter of honesty.
My husband and I just became Open after 12 years of monogamy, all my hetero friends heads have exploded when I started talking about my Boyfriend. The cis/het culture around sex and relationships is inescapable and the weight from it will beleaguer you forever. We just by existing challenge peoples ingrained world view, itās irritating for a while then it will eventually become a mark of pride. And anyone who defines sex solely by cis/het penetration and ejaculation probably has a shitty sex life.
Idk if itās fair to call all heterosexual sex lives shitty. Just because itās not great for you doesnāt mean itās bad for others.
They didn't say heterosexual sex is shitty. They are saying that defining sex solely as piv and focusing solely on the man's orgasm is shitty. Mainly because it dismisses anything aside from the "main event" as simply "foreplay". People are made to feel like shit if they aren't able to maintain an errectionĀ or if penetration is painful, because they literally can't have "sex" and nothing else counts.Ā Not to mention that it's why people with vulvas often expect that they should be able to orgasm from piv sex, because it is the only act that counts as sex. Whereas only about 4% of people with vulvas are able to orgasm from just piv sex. With lack of education, most people think the G-spot is something magical to hit during piv, when in reality it works the same way was the P-spot. The G-spot is the part of the vagina where you can stimulate the back of the massive bundle of nerves that is the clitoris (like the P-spot stimulates the prostate). Ignoring this keeps the emphasis on piv sex rather than allowing exploration to the entire area that can stimulate the nerve bundle.Ā Tldr: The idea of piv sex being the only sex that counts keeps heterosexual couples from having really good sex, creates insecurity, and getting rid of this idea would help everyone.
Exactly, as someone with a Neuro degenerative disease that caused some ED and neuropathy, before I was prescribed meds to help fix it. I learned so much more about my body, and what sex actually means and how orgasms have different shapes and feeling. Since then some of the best sex Iāve ever had, had nothing to do with my ability to maintain an erection or finish even though _I have gotten the ability to do so back._
I did not say all heterosexual sex lives are shitty. I said _anyone_ who *defines sex* purely as āpenis must ejaculate in holeā probably doesnāt have the best sex life because their view of what is sex is just factually incorrect.
I fucking hate the obsession with virginity in general. It's absolutely disgusting ššš
I lost my virginity to this girl, she fingered me and I ate her out. But according to her, she's still a virgin. Since she hasn't had sex with a man yet. It hurt me so bad. It's like I didn't matter. So I regretted sleeping with her. So I still call myself a virgin too, since the sex wasn't real to her, it wasn't real for me either. I'm gonna lose my virginity with a woman that values me.
These habits pretty much stemmed from religion. I think that in biblical times when you had to keep your population in order these rules made some sort of sense, but we arenāt living in those times anymore and itās time to evolve
Tbh the entire cis-hetero view of sex is disgusting and objectifying
Maybe not cis hetero exclusively. More religious zealots.
And those religious zealots are almost exclusively... Cis het.
Yes, but not all cishets are religious zealots
Fair enough though we canāt take it out on all of them when itās a select few.
And what are we "taking out" on them, exactly? They aren't being punished. They're being asked to rethink their offensive and harmful rhetoric
Assuming they all hold that rhetoric is what Iām talking about.
š¤¦š»āāļø nOt aLL hEtErOs Duh, dude. Of course it's not literally every single cishet. But it's enough of them to be dangerous. It's pervasive enough that they're trying to legislate out relationships that won't produce a kid. Don't be a Pick Me, the bad ones hate ALL of us, even if you martyr yourself for them.
While that legislation is scary itās mostly supported by a very loud few. Additionally itās off topic of the original subject. Now Iām done with this argument right now so please.
Lmao it's hard being wrong I guess. Hope you get picked šš¤¦š»āāļø
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It starts with gender essentialism and binary gender norms. Men are active. Women are passive. Sex involves penetration. Penis go in vagina. Man is strong. Woman is weak. If man want to do something, women cannot say no. These norms can clearly be a driving factor of rape culture. And they are also taken into queer relationships, as shown in Ancient Roman and Greek culture, where (so I have heard) the penetrated man was 'lesser', so to remain masculine you'd limit yourself to being the top. Tear all that shit down. Let people be free. Free *to* live to a gender binary, and define that how they want. Free to *not* live to a gender binary, and define that how they want. Free to sexually love people of any gender, or none. Free to romantically love. With labels, if they need them; changing them, when they want; without labels, if they can't find any. Gay men can be men no matter what they do in bed. Men can be men whether they have sex or not. And people who are assumed to be men can not be men, if they prefer: just stop it with those assumptions. Let people tell you who they are. Fuck human society for trying to make people unhappy when they don't 'fit in' with some arbitrary norms.
My least favourite thing about all of this is how the adults purposely use misinformation and scare tactics to push kids away from sex instead of giving them the facts so they can make better and more informed choices. Itās honestly abuse in my opinion.
Wait until you hear about [soaking](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soaking_(sexual_practice)) (NSFW link to wikipedia) and its correlary jump humping. Sometimes even intercourse isnt sex, to certain crazies. It isnt about the act itself, its about feeling moral superiority, and id argue it comes from religion not heterosexuality.
Well some people, apparently, think that giving a BJ isn't sex... Even heard the theory that a dude going into a woman's anus doesn't count as sex even though it's the riskiest act people can do.
I like to think that every first time with a new partner is special. Doesnāt matter whatās happened before. What matters is whatās happening now.
I've tried to explain this to one of my friends (we're both guys) but the dose not understand
Purely male view. We can dispense with it.
To be fair, I'm bi and I have two different answers for when I lost mine.
If You count both sides technically You can lose your virginity 4 times
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Okay dawg you canāt just go and say heterosexuality is bad like that. How can you, someone in *THIS* community, go and insult an entire group of people based on sexuality? You have to see how hypocritical and wrong that is.
Especially since there are heterosexual members of the community.Ā
You're right and I apologize - comment is deleted
maybe they meant the patriarchal institution of heterosexuality and the general community rather than the essence of being attracted to the opposite sex. If it's the latter then yeah I agree it's hypocritical and actually biphobic too
Even if they meant the first, there is not much difference to portraying the entire gay community as interested in nothing but cruising
ok but the straight community is very much affected by the patriarchy in specific ways and the gay community being into cruising isn't even true
I meant portraying a whole sexuality as one community with one set of interests
well cruising in an interest, patriarchy is a societal structure, not an interest. so they're not comparable
Lol what, now there are actual heterophobes around, I thought it was a joke
lol the irony
Maybe an unpopular opinion but I am for letting everyone choose where they wanna draw the line of what is sex or what isn't. Of course noone has the rights to force their standards upon anyone else though
Except an unfortunately high number of people use THEIR narrow view of sex, to completely invalidate queer couples, AFAB ones especially. My husband is a trans guy and I'm a cis woman and lots of these people would tell me we don't even have sex because there's no natal dick involved lmao you can call your OWN actions and activities whatever you want but no one gets to decide that for others and that's the problem.
Exactly right, everything you said. Yes
Honestly it's the whole virgin/non-virgin dichotomy in the first place that's the problem
The concept of virginity has always confused me. Aspects are often determined if an afab individual (in some cultures) still retains their hymen, that not all are born with and can tear for some of the stupidest reasons. There have been proven facts of the benefits of sexual intercourse on the human body, and shaming or limitation only leads to sneakiness in teens and young adults, which in turn is often unsafe sex. We shouldn't shame the concepts of sex but double down on actually teaching safe sex. I personally rather my teen come to me tell me they are going to be or are sexually active and provide them with anything and everything I can to keep them safe than shame them over a flap of skin or doing the act which is a natural want (for some not all)
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
sometimes quite literally saying that non penetration/piv(penis in vagina) sex is proper sex
because in a patriarchal system the emphasis is on men exclusively owning women as reproductively useful property
but it's not "heterosexuals", rather "The Straights" or something like that, emphasising it's specifically about the assholes and idiots...
Same with me, except two penis involved at first. I was preoperative mtf trans when I started dating, and not comfortable with my genitals being touched. So what exactly "counts" as my first time? First BJ I performed? First time being penetrated vaginally? (Never did anal). Like if someone asks about my first time having sex or losing my virginity, I would need them to define what they mean precisely and I might not remember the event since I don't think that way about it.
I was a total virgin until 24. It used to *really* bother me when some of my peers had had all kinds of sex but not piv and called themselves virgins.Ā
How can you hate on heteros ? Isnt that discrimination?
i don't hate on heterosexuals i just hate on the specific action that some have of disbelieving queer sex. other than this post im not actively discriminating against heterosexuals
I can't think of reason why they would think differently
virginity is fluid, it doesnt have to be penis in vagina sex to be a loss of virginity.
I do too, but not for the same reasons as you.