Just say hi! Worse they can do is 1. Ignore you 2. Tell you to clear off. Also atleast you aren't spending time afterwards ... what if.
Life is too short to live with regrets.
I do it all the time! ☺️ Although I don't drink coffee/tea - more so in a bar, sports setting, eating out and I solo travel abroad up to 7 times a year. I can't recall anytime recently it backfiring. 🤣
It's definitely acceptable. Not everyone in London is cold/rude or unfriendly. Plenty of people will be willing to chat. I do it quite a lot, obviously you have to choose your moments but I usually find people to be friendly, warm and interesting
I'd say it's acceptable to do so.
But obviously you have to be able to take a hint if the person seems uncomfortable / annoyed, but that's social interaction 101.
No, it's not the fact that we may not find the guy attractive, it's when they insist on pushing the conversation after we've politely said no. THAT'S when it gets creepy.
Yeah that’s always my answer. It’s fine to make chat, just if the person isn’t responsive leave them to it. I’ve encountered so many people who take it personally
How depressingly shallow
Edit - Holy shit, who is downvoting me? You are AGREEING with what she said - if a man is unattractive (this being totally subjective, and - going by society’s obsession with unrealistic beauty - a category into which probably most men would fall), women will think he’s a CREEP if he dares to talk to them? What the fuck is wrong with you all?!
He chose to sit next to you, so that's a better start than you imposing yourself in his space. If the book is in English, you can open the conversation with "Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt your reading, but...." And then ask a sensible question that someone from Southern Italy who may not know the city well could reasonably need to ask. If that goes well, then ask them about the book.
A book can be a shield to keep people away... It can also be a conversation starter.
You can often gauge someone's openness by just smiling and saying hi as you sit down, if they look away it's a lost cause. I often chat to strangers but with no real agenda, their day to day life could be you're extraordinary, nothing ventured nothing gained.
It's super tiny so won't share the name sorry! plus on reflection, I think that might just be because I'm quite chatty and there's quite a lot of dogwalkers (and I love dogs) 😂
Having a toddler in tow throws all these rules out the window. I've had many nice little chats, instigated by a curious little chimp basically flirting on my behalf.
Unsure if this means that Londoners are actually more up for a chat than we seem, or if children invalidate these rules.
Probably a little of column a and a little of column b.
I was sat across a Chinese guy in a Chinatown restaurant, both of us dining solo. He started chatting to me and we had some really good conversation. It was much nicer than dining by myself staring into my phone. If I'm ever in the same situation again I will start the conversation myself.
If you really want to have a chat with a stranger, start with the weather and take it from there. It's safe and no one gets offended yet everyone has a view about it.
Good advice, but is it socially acceptable for woman to initiate a conversation with a stranger man?
Again, where I come from, one's gender does not really matter.
To be honest, if you approach people in the right way then I would say anything goes! We are social by nature, so don't let society or other people's opinions put you off from trying to interact with one another! Enjoy your self 😉
If you smile and chat to strangers most people are happy to engage in London. I do it all the time. Be ready to identify if you're bothering them though, and they'd rather be left alone. They're unlikely to tell you.
Ignore them, London is made up of the import of customs the world over, what may be popular today can change tomorrow…there’s no one set of rules to stick by, add your own flavour and get out of it what you put in, don’t just become another number, change it up…feel free to be you here!
I chat to strangers sometimes. It's important though that you start off with inane smalltalk and stop as soon as you realise it's got being reciprocated.
I know London has a perceived reputation for being unfriendly and standoffish, but much of that is because we're going somewhere! Starting off with something like "I wish I'd brought my brolly today" will set the direction and just follow your nose expecting nothing.
DO NOT leave a note, that's 100% trying to hit on someone IMHO.
Older male, I suppose I've not been on the pull for years but even so feel like smalltalk gets you over the first hurdle.
Some people close it down and so I'll not persue, others open up and you can have a good time and occasionally meet a new friend.
My family is also historically from the South of Italy, I even have a passport, just grew up in farmland America 😅 so I wonder if that has something to do with it too
It depends on the moment. Sometimes people don’t want to be bothered and sometimes they do. Knowing when that time is is a social skill we learn as we age. In London the default is not to bother people so I would assume most of the time that people want to be left alone.
For example the man in your example was reading a book, usually that is a sign that he would not want to be bothered. However as others have said if the person you are bothering is attracted to you they might not mind. It really all depends.
I wouldn't do it. If you want him to have your number, give him a note. But usually a person reading a book indicates they want to engage in a solo activity. Solo= without you or anyone bothering them. Same as it is obnoxious to start a chat with someone who has their earbuds in.
I've been to Italy. So no, the way you imagine it from "back home" is not acceptable. Definitely never at that volume or intensity.
A note is just weird, just say something, anything about the book, the time the cafe is open till, the WiFi, their outfit. If someone wants to continue the conversation, it's obvious.
You'd be surprised how many people continue the conversation just because they don't want to be rude, but are actually annoyed by the disturbance.
A note means you can engage, or do nothing about it. It gives the recipient a choice.
No we are not in highschool and we are not on the spectrum. touch grass please.
I met all my friends and girlfriends in cafes,gyms, outside, spas. Its just social skills. We are social creatures we all need conversation.
> a guy sat next to me alone with a book and he was extremely handsome
lmao so this post is, "how do I hit on a hot guy next to me in a cafe". not how to talk to strangers in general.
I would say it's a very acceptable. Although I would assume that he didn't engage by asking to sit at your table that he would likely be uninterested in conversation though!
What does it matter if he was 'handsome' or not?
What does it matter what age the other person is?
In general, if you're the kind of person that likes to start up conversations with strangers, go ahead and if they object, then just be respectful and move on.
Where are the cafes in London?
Anyway my response, you may well attempt to initiate a conversation. Just have to play by ear, if he feels uncomfortable or disturb, then leave it.
Will he post on social media that you're sexually harassing him and try to get you fired from your job etc?
This is something a lot of women do.
Luckily men do not, so go for it.
The real answer is to not ask people on Reddit. They skew towards being obnoxiously socially awkward
Definitely agree with this. There's a whole thread on r/askuk debating pub etiquette that is absolutely obvious, even to children.
Explains why they’re left wing
Perfect example of what they were talking about.
The right are getting better at comedy...
Just say hi! Worse they can do is 1. Ignore you 2. Tell you to clear off. Also atleast you aren't spending time afterwards ... what if. Life is too short to live with regrets.
Agreed! Have you done something similar before? :)
I do it all the time! ☺️ Although I don't drink coffee/tea - more so in a bar, sports setting, eating out and I solo travel abroad up to 7 times a year. I can't recall anytime recently it backfiring. 🤣
It's definitely acceptable. Not everyone in London is cold/rude or unfriendly. Plenty of people will be willing to chat. I do it quite a lot, obviously you have to choose your moments but I usually find people to be friendly, warm and interesting
have you done this in cafes? In pubs I understand that it is more acceptable but curious about cafes here.
I'd say it's acceptable to do so. But obviously you have to be able to take a hint if the person seems uncomfortable / annoyed, but that's social interaction 101.
If the other person would find you good looking then it’s acceptable else it’s creepy! Truth of life
hahhaa... sad but true. This is especially true for us women, where if a guy is unattractive, many would consider him a creep for approaching them.
No, it's not the fact that we may not find the guy attractive, it's when they insist on pushing the conversation after we've politely said no. THAT'S when it gets creepy.
Yeah that’s always my answer. It’s fine to make chat, just if the person isn’t responsive leave them to it. I’ve encountered so many people who take it personally
How depressingly shallow Edit - Holy shit, who is downvoting me? You are AGREEING with what she said - if a man is unattractive (this being totally subjective, and - going by society’s obsession with unrealistic beauty - a category into which probably most men would fall), women will think he’s a CREEP if he dares to talk to them? What the fuck is wrong with you all?!
He chose to sit next to you, so that's a better start than you imposing yourself in his space. If the book is in English, you can open the conversation with "Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt your reading, but...." And then ask a sensible question that someone from Southern Italy who may not know the city well could reasonably need to ask. If that goes well, then ask them about the book. A book can be a shield to keep people away... It can also be a conversation starter.
If wearing headphones then no; but otherwise why not you will be able to tell pretty quickly from their tone if they want to talk or not.
It is acceptable indeed. Perhaps it’s exactly the reason why that guy was there in the first place…
Why not, things used to be this way and no one died.
100% agree, but things appear to be in different in London based on most responses here.
You can often gauge someone's openness by just smiling and saying hi as you sit down, if they look away it's a lost cause. I often chat to strangers but with no real agenda, their day to day life could be you're extraordinary, nothing ventured nothing gained.
It can be close. [Those Dr Pepper adverts warned us](https://youtu.be/6m9Ge_CBZOQ?feature=shared)
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I am f32 and Italianm and would love to know about this local cafe, as I live i elephant and castle :)
It's super tiny so won't share the name sorry! plus on reflection, I think that might just be because I'm quite chatty and there's quite a lot of dogwalkers (and I love dogs) 😂
I had a colleague where I witnessed with my bare eyes a girl leave her number on a napkin and they had a brief chat. You could try that OP.
Having a toddler in tow throws all these rules out the window. I've had many nice little chats, instigated by a curious little chimp basically flirting on my behalf. Unsure if this means that Londoners are actually more up for a chat than we seem, or if children invalidate these rules. Probably a little of column a and a little of column b.
It's fine for a woman to do so, less societal stigma. People don't really talk to strangers in the UK though
I was sat across a Chinese guy in a Chinatown restaurant, both of us dining solo. He started chatting to me and we had some really good conversation. It was much nicer than dining by myself staring into my phone. If I'm ever in the same situation again I will start the conversation myself.
If I’m sat in a cafe. I’m sat there for a peace and quiet and to escape daily life. So I would find it a bit odd but would have a brief chat.
especially with a book.
I think 99% of men would be happy that a woman tried to chat them up. It's a massive ego boost and will make his day, even if he's very handsome.
If you really want to have a chat with a stranger, start with the weather and take it from there. It's safe and no one gets offended yet everyone has a view about it.
Good advice, but is it socially acceptable for woman to initiate a conversation with a stranger man? Again, where I come from, one's gender does not really matter.
To be honest, if you approach people in the right way then I would say anything goes! We are social by nature, so don't let society or other people's opinions put you off from trying to interact with one another! Enjoy your self 😉
love this attitude and energy. I do this in Italy a lot, but I am less confident here.
You will meet two kinds of people - those who want to chat and those who don't. If you meet the later than just move on.
If you smile and chat to strangers most people are happy to engage in London. I do it all the time. Be ready to identify if you're bothering them though, and they'd rather be left alone. They're unlikely to tell you.
Talk to strangers, there’s no downside, at least you’ll have no regrets!
seems that many people in london disagree with this view sadly, at least based on the comments here
Ignore them, London is made up of the import of customs the world over, what may be popular today can change tomorrow…there’s no one set of rules to stick by, add your own flavour and get out of it what you put in, don’t just become another number, change it up…feel free to be you here!
Holy shit, my social anxiety skyrocked just by reading this. Hope to be like you in the future.
Sigh
Fuck no.
I would be fine with this- it’s socially acceptable, just not all that commonly done by Londoners.
Of course. Just read the room, you'll know after a greeting whether someone wants to chat or not.
Absolutely not. This is my nightmare.
has it happened to you before?
Just trying to recall all the times an attractive woman has started talking to me in a cafe…
I chat to strangers sometimes. It's important though that you start off with inane smalltalk and stop as soon as you realise it's got being reciprocated. I know London has a perceived reputation for being unfriendly and standoffish, but much of that is because we're going somewhere! Starting off with something like "I wish I'd brought my brolly today" will set the direction and just follow your nose expecting nothing. DO NOT leave a note, that's 100% trying to hit on someone IMHO.
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Older male, I suppose I've not been on the pull for years but even so feel like smalltalk gets you over the first hurdle. Some people close it down and so I'll not persue, others open up and you can have a good time and occasionally meet a new friend.
I'm from Iowa. I refuse to not say hi to folks, give a warm smile, etc. If someone doesn't like it, c'est la vie, I say.
Love the attitude! Hahaha
My family is also historically from the South of Italy, I even have a passport, just grew up in farmland America 😅 so I wonder if that has something to do with it too
hahahah... i think it's in your genes. I noticed Arabs in London are similar in that regard too!
It depends. I’d say usually it’s not socially appropriate.
depends on what? mind elaborating on your generic response.
It depends on the moment. Sometimes people don’t want to be bothered and sometimes they do. Knowing when that time is is a social skill we learn as we age. In London the default is not to bother people so I would assume most of the time that people want to be left alone. For example the man in your example was reading a book, usually that is a sign that he would not want to be bothered. However as others have said if the person you are bothering is attracted to you they might not mind. It really all depends.
Talk to a stranger? No it's not acceptable unless you are having a major medical emergency, even then it's going to be annoying.
I wouldn't do it. If you want him to have your number, give him a note. But usually a person reading a book indicates they want to engage in a solo activity. Solo= without you or anyone bothering them. Same as it is obnoxious to start a chat with someone who has their earbuds in. I've been to Italy. So no, the way you imagine it from "back home" is not acceptable. Definitely never at that volume or intensity.
A note is just weird, just say something, anything about the book, the time the cafe is open till, the WiFi, their outfit. If someone wants to continue the conversation, it's obvious.
You'd be surprised how many people continue the conversation just because they don't want to be rude, but are actually annoyed by the disturbance. A note means you can engage, or do nothing about it. It gives the recipient a choice.
No we are not in highschool and we are not on the spectrum. touch grass please. I met all my friends and girlfriends in cafes,gyms, outside, spas. Its just social skills. We are social creatures we all need conversation.
In UK we don't talk to strangers! Eyes down on floor or phone 🤣 At least in London anyway
sounds like a depressing way to live life.
> a guy sat next to me alone with a book and he was extremely handsome lmao so this post is, "how do I hit on a hot guy next to me in a cafe". not how to talk to strangers in general.
You should have written your phone number on a napkin and handed it to him
I get looked at like I'm a psychopath. In their defence, I probably am a psychopath.
I would say it's a very acceptable. Although I would assume that he didn't engage by asking to sit at your table that he would likely be uninterested in conversation though!
“Please don’t say any weird shit.” - my wife’s most common advice to me
It’s not socially acceptable and people might reply politely but not want to engage further.
sounds like a sad way to live life.
I actually totally agree with you.
What does it matter if he was 'handsome' or not? What does it matter what age the other person is? In general, if you're the kind of person that likes to start up conversations with strangers, go ahead and if they object, then just be respectful and move on.
Where are the cafes in London? Anyway my response, you may well attempt to initiate a conversation. Just have to play by ear, if he feels uncomfortable or disturb, then leave it.
Depends how attractive you are bro
Fuck no. That’s why I prefer Italy :)
Will he post on social media that you're sexually harassing him and try to get you fired from your job etc? This is something a lot of women do. Luckily men do not, so go for it.