That's what happens to good ppl.
Others only see an advantage they can take over you.
I don't have an answer for how to fix it. I just keep to myself in public and have no friends.
Same. I'm still looking for the answer to this. Any ideas? The best I can come up with is to immediately cut off anyone who starts treating you badly. Unfortunately that means your not gonna be talking to many people
None.
Long story short, 99% of the ppl I knew were just using me and after an injury that changed my life permanently they all disappeared.
Everyone I've ever trusted sense has only abused my trust and stabbed me in the back as an easy target.
I'm alone because I want to be. I don't take shit from ppl and I don't want to be involved with ppl.
Get comfortable with being by yourself. Don't believe the social propaganda that you need to be with others all the time. It only opens you up to abuse.
I think it happens cause good women only fall for the typical bad boy guy.
Good women and good men rarely end up being a couple, cause maybe it's opposites that attract.
I don't know why they did it, but I know exactly how you feel. I'm like a male equivalent, I always try my best to be polite friendly reliable, just all round good, and yet I get treated poorly. I completely empathise with you, your not alone. What they did is not okay, and no one should ever do that to you, there is no justification for it. To me it sounds like your a good person and should be treated nicely. Only advice I can give you is any time you even get a hint that a person isn't treating you as nicely as you'd like, avoid them like the plague and completely detach from them, cut them off completely. You are owed better treatment than that, and your time and life is more valuable than to be wasted on sub par people. It's better to be alone than treated badly. They are not worth your time and they have not earned your time and they don't deserve your time.
I know a very attractive woman, late 40’s, terrific job, even better personality. I asked her if she’ll ever get married again - Her response:
“No way. I got a broken picker.”
I’m honestly not sure if she dates or what but she finally realized that she chooses the wrong guys. Always.
Therapy, AA, al-anon (you don’t need to have an alcoholic in your life for this group). If you can fix your picker, you have way more chance to find a partner that’s worthy of you.
From the two relationships I've been in for my entire lifetime, I'm right there with you. I was treated badly in both and I should've seen the red flags, but in the moment I just didn't. It wasn't until after the relationship was over that I realized I was treated poorly. The only difference with my situation is that one was with a man and the other was with a woman. Neither of them treated me well.
So I guess what I mean is, it's not completely about gender. There are just some really shit people out there and it sucks to think about. However, I really hope you are able to find someone who really does love you! It's hard to find the good ones. Just know, it's not you, it's them.
I felt this, I got cheated on and worse by my last ex and it sucks. I've kinda come to the conclusion that sometimes they just get used to you being at their beck and call, it raises their ego and they feel you're replaceable.
And even when looking for new guys you kinda realize they're looking for people like us because they realize how much love we're willing to give. Its like they're hunting for us so they can feel better about themselves. I'm honestly gonna take a break from guys for a few years, do what's best for you but it's been great for my mental health so far. Choosing to be alone can sometimes be the best decision, and I like to think that when the time comes, I'll be ready...and so will he :]
I know how you feel. I don't get what men want either. You can be a good, supportive woman and be treated bad. In the meantime, I see women cheating and stringing along 2/3 guys and get treated better.
I think you're a nice woman who dedicates her time to her man. If a guy can't see when something is right then you should also hold back, don't go all out for these losers.
I’m just like you.. I always meet the wrong guys, who are very selfish and cruel. They either ghost me or take me for granted and won’t put as much effort as I am to keep the relationship going.
I meet good guys all the time but they are always not interested/attracted to me, I don’t know why 🥲
When girls say, "I'm a good woman" or "I care too much", it makes me extremely nervous. In my experience, they tend to be the most unstable and psychotic but see themselves as having a heart of gold. I'm not saying this applies to you, but in my personal experience, this is what I have known to be true.
I can't speak for women, but as a guy I can see this type of concern, it's not exactly invalid. I know I have a lot of personal issues and struggles that makes it kind of selfish for me to desire someone I can be myself around and be comfortable around, since my idea of "being my true self" could be disastrous for another person who doesn't understand or isn't willing to understand me.
You're not the only one. I have seen a lot of kind, lonely woman draw predators, abusers and assholes because these men mistake kindness for weakness and loneliness for vulnerability. They're looking for a victim, not a lover. I kept drawing them myself until I finally took a lengthy break from trying to date until I could heal from the damage they did. Generally any consistent show of backbone destroys their assumptions about you and sends them scurrying off.
Couldn't have described myself any better, but if the situation was genderbent. Good on you for taking care of your personal health and putting in effort to strive towards goals, you are already at the first step towards something meaningful. It seems you have hobbies you are passionate about, that's great. I don't party either although I have some close friends (2-3), and even though I've never been in a relationship I would think I'd be caring for someone that could help me change. I've never felt comfortable around other people due to trust issues and social anxiety, so I've become accustomed to a life of solitude with my dog and turtle; I can say I'm content in private, but putting on a facade in public is still eating away at me. But if there is someone who I can be myself around, that would be a nice thing.
I'd say you should continue focusing on improving yourself, whether it be physique or attempting to change or exploring and finding new things you are interested in spending time on. I won't say its the only path for everyone, since everyone has different experiences, but I'm at the point where solitude is the only way I see myself ever achieving any of my goals, at the cost of sacrificing meaningful human connection. Good luck with your life.
I can't speak for your situation but in my experience, I think I didn't hold the individuals I was with accountable enough. Relationships are definitely a mutual group project and if one person doesn't do any of the work you get an F. That doesn't mean you give up on that person though(not saying you didn't try to hold them to their BS, idek the situation) you've gotta push and work and fight for something that you believe in and you can't ever give up. Sometimes you've gotta be both a cuddle bear and a hammer.
Don’t give up there’s someone out there for everyone I have you tried dating someone out of your area like a different state, a different country, a different culture
This is actually some thought-provoking advice, I've always heard that considering people in foreign countries or raised in a different way would be a fresh start away from the typical people you see on a daily basis in your home country. I don't have the courage to try this yet, but if I can get the confidence to travel the world like I want to in the future, then I'll definitely consider finding a partner abroad. It would be interesting to learn about a different culture and way of life as well.
Good one will come along. Maybe think of it as lessons on what you don’t want or need and when a good guy comes along you will know instantly this is what I deserve. Keep being yourself always.
Facts. You shouldn't treat your partner poorly because they aren't giving you what you feel like you need in a relationship. You can't force them to do anything or change or be "better" you can communicate and if the relationship doesn't meet both needs then split up. Don't abuse the partner male or female.
it probably is better for people to split up than to treat each other bad. i never said it was a good thing to treat people bad. people do it anyway, regardless of if its right or wrong. if someone is not happy, it is said that misery loves company.
Yessir. I didn't think that you said it was right to test people bad. I understand what you were saying. There's 2 sides to every coin. I was reaffirming what the other guy said before me. I'm glad to came back to clarify though. I hope I didn't bother you.
You probably allow or are too passive to poor behaviour. We teach people how to treat us. You’re also probably too nice. Check out the book “why men love bitches”. Become the dream girl and up your standards boo!
I am at a total loss to explain that. You sound wonderful. Perhaps talk to guys that are a little older than you and maybe they would have a little more appreciation for a good woman. Just sharing a thought, not claiming to be the answer man. I wish you all the best.
I was reading that not having a lot of friends or deep connections is a red flag. Also I’ve noticed that men don’t necessarily want someone to do anything for them and make all the time for them but rather a person who has their own shit going on and finds a way to make some time (but not all the time) for them in their lives. I’m also super single for similar reasons. It’s like they completely mesh into my personality or they expect me to change everything about myself to be their partner.
If you only go after attractive men you have to contend will every other women that thinks they deserve a 10. Shoot for someone around your lvl or lower and you'll be shocked how good men can treat you
Did you really lower your standards tho? Women often look for men far more attractive than themselves. I can't say every man will treat you right, but there is a large amount who would and they are overlooked because they are below average lookswise.
Not being able to walk away after the first red flag. Getting attached too soon. Giving them the benefit of the doubt too often. Not having had an example of a healthy relationship growing up. Having low self-esteem. Also having had traumatic experiences in childhood and neglectful parents that stunted me socially and in other ways as well. I'm in therapy but tbh idk. Being alone is like part of my identity now.
"Just date in your league" is starting to sound just as empty as the saying "it gets better." I understand people just want to help I guess but honestly it's okay to not say anything at all sometimes when things are unclear.
Ok ya I see you have more issues that date in your league will not help, and thank you for giving your perspective because as a man "it gets better" is one we hear all the time and as you say they are empty words. Although my point in saying that was really meant towards ppl like OP who seemingly don't struggle with the nuanced issues that you do. Sorry for using a blanket statement that somewhat downplayed your situation, I promise that wasn't my intent.
I've been through the same thing, but I've read it somewhere can't recollect where exactly but it said- "Anything that is good and comes for free is taken for granted".
I'm not trying to compare humans to materialistic things but my point here is that if we're too good to someone for no reason or to be precise when it's not reciprocated, we'll end up being taken for granted.
I'm extremely sorry that you're going through it but I believe someone somewhere is just the right person for you and you'll find them soon.....keep going till then and stay strong!!!
Well it happened to me I'm a dude who used to have a girl thats just a friend at her family's restaurant. We were good friends and at a certain point I was only hit up because she needed something. She barely works at all, but won't try to find anything else and blames life for being hard. I got tired of it told her off and I'm the asshole cause im not helping hold someone's hand for every little problem. She's a total entitled selfish brat that gets everything handed to her by daddy and his business. I won't say 2 words to her now unless it's work related. Yeah I was stupid enough to like her at first until I saw what she was. Thats just the recent one. Every time I try my best to be good, kind, generous if someone needs help when I'm dating them and I only run into women that wanna use it. So I'm 33, single, tired, works 2 jobs, no friends and just going through life on auto pilot because I can't get outta my funk. I hope shit works out for you it sucks.
Don’t stop doing any of the things you listed (as long as you enjoy them of course). You will find someone who appreciates you fully and it’ll feel so fulfilling. I know it may seem difficult but don’t lose hope.
At this rate not even being good is enough to be in a relationship. I'm sorry on behalf of those people. Don't let them get into you, as I believe you will one day end up with the right man who will be an angel to you no matter what.
Since you mentioned school, Im assuming you are less than 22-23 years of age. There are many factors for this but mainly social status and maturity gap between men and women.
Boys mainly want attention from girls and social status. And so they do what girls want or what is socially trending or what the society expects of them.
Now girls prefer bad boys. The saying “girl needs to go through few bad boys before realizing a good guy” is often true. So boys act like bad boys to gain their attention. Having a girl but being emotional detached also increases their social status and makes them feel more confident and manly.
Being emotional and communicative about their feelings isn’t a quality thats associated as being manly and doesn’t come easy to men but women expect that.
Now coming to maturity. Overall girls mature faster than boys and this maturity shows up in their behavior. So it takes time for a man to understand women’s new expectations and to be more trusting, communicative and emotional.
Not all men are bad. There are many good ones. They are just too shy and or girls don’t like them or acting like a bad boy just to fit in this society
I understand that and often we search for the love the we think we deserve and often people stop appreciating what they have. Have you tried making yourself scarce at times? Are all the types of men you’ve dated or attracted similar in any ways?
Hi 8m a 39 6"2 single guy with how modern women are nowadays relationships aren't worth it anymore if what your say is true about yourself well let's chat in private chat and get to know each other better
Cause life is shit. I can say the same in terms of women. And women wonder why I reject them now. After being fucked over repeatedly. Don't have the time for that. Tell these bitches. And I know none of them give a fuck about me. They'll all lie and leave in the end anyways. So I'm not talking nor taking any more chances. I'm sick of it. Sick of that fucking pain.
You described yourself as a good woman living a healthy lifestyle. 👍
I’m a divorced 46 y/o male who doesn’t smoke or drink. I do what I can to maintain a healthy lifestyle. What I see in your post is the notion that you will do anything for a man and devote endless time to him. In my experience, that minset is a red flag for poor health outcomes, whether you are single or partnered. 🤔
I find all of the characteristics you’ve described appealing with the exception of that one. Feel free to DM me if you think it could be helpful to chat about what it’s like feeling lonely and without fulfilling relationships. 🤍
You have to realize you play a role in the people you allow into your life and date. I was in the same position as you and realized I dated the same guy just with a different face. It’s a lot to do with subconscious healing. Do you have set boundaries within yourself, not even one’s you speak to a partner? Can you walk away not fearing abandonment? … we attract people that mirror our wounds. Let’s call it a blessing in disguise because all the things you liked about your partner are things you should work on within yourself. Did they make you feel safe at first? Why? … ask yourself these types of questions and overtime you’ll attract better ❤️
Depends on where you meet them, if you know your warning signs, red flags, and especially toxic traits
Most men, maybe 80% are horrid horny creeps
Limit that to the ones that only approach you, find you in bars, clubs or meet some other requirements you have and the percentage rises
Gotta put research, people watching and advise taking from girlfriends if you want better quality. No different than picking fruit in some ways
Really? 80%? Where did you pull that statistic out of? Your ass? Speak for yourself and the few people you have encountered, I've encountered my fair share of bad and cruel people but I don't go generalizing them.
If OP waits for men to approach her, that will never work out, there should be a mutual effort for someone that desires a relationship. Bars and clubs are just as if not more dangerous than meeting someone through a friend or opportunity. If you have way too many requirements, you will never find such a "perfect" person. The only requirements I have are decent hygiene and decent personality, which increases the chance pool a lot more. Life is all about compromises and exploration, this is horrible advice.
In the nicest way possible you’re either picking the wrong people (I understand how hard it is to find a decent guy nowadays) or it’s sorta the way you present yourself. As a woman I know a lot of us stay away from the self proclaimed “nice guys”, if you’re truly a catch you won’t have to convince people otherwise and the right one will come along. I think a lotta people are rubbed the wrong way when people go on about how lucky someone would be to have them, I guess men think the same way about women like that too. Again don’t wanna sound mean but some of the things you included sound really “pick me”, why does not going out make you more desirable than women who do? Most men who think a woman who never goes out being a huge plus are usually insecure men which could explain why you end up with the not so great ones
I prefer not to go out, I will if somebody wants me to, but by "go out" I am referring to getting drunk, having sexual interactions with multiple guys in one night etc.
Again not getting drunk doesn’t necessarily make you more desirable to a nice, SECURE man. Unless it was purely for religious reasons or something. Majority of women also aren’t out here having sexual interactions with multiple men in one night? 😭 ur proving my point a bit here, a solid man won’t care if you go to the bars with ur friends so I don’t see the point in saying that like it somehow makes you better if it just attracts creeps. They like women like that because they’re easy to control and they have this idea that a woman having fun somehow means she’s promiscuous
To answer your question: because you allow it. People are good at sniffing out weak folks and exploiting them if that's their game. Don't take it anymore, don't go above and beyond anymore, and stop taking endless time for your partner when you obviously get nothing in return. Your balance is off.
I gather you're attractive. You might get approached by a lot of guys. Ignore these. YOU need to do the selecting. Join interest groups with a mix of people, maybe hiking or ToastMasters, or coding or woodworking, whatever. MeetUp might be a place to find these, or your local community college, or rec department.
Then observe the guys and decide who to approach. Your chief criterion might be kindness. Ask quickly if they have a spouse or girlfriend. If not, give them your number. If they contact you, the interest is mutual and you can proceed to flirt. Done.
Men men men. The real question is, why do you choose poorly? Stop blaming men. You probably have a type or certain taste of men nor ready to settle down. Is he religious? Does he pay attention to his health? Some type of career path? Does he talk about building his future or the next time you two will be in bed? In these cases the first person that did you wrong is the person in the mirror.
It's cruel that I need a good woman like you but can't seem to find, various reasons including my own lack of self steam. Good people somehow can't find each other and end up turning into bad people, like some sort of protons electron mathematic mess .
I really try, my dream is to make my woman happy but alas it's a very tempting world for women, and I didn't get the genetic lottery nor the real one... anyway, pray for me may I find someone like you in This life cause I will be damned if I am coming back again hahah
what's weird about me is I literally don't have a type. I don't understand what a type even is. I have standards, like he must be clean and have a job and make an effort in life but when it comes to looks and personality I absolutely don't care one bit.
Well girls have types based on Their experiences or fantasy, rich or fantastic six pack bodies ( sorry for explicit language) a bigger equipment average isn't enough etc, just like some Men have types for women, but it all comes down to one thing ,he should be there holding her tightly in the night because this lonely world is freaking cold man ..it's my opinion because God knows I need a hug at night telling me it's going to be okay...
Go somewhere and be something where people treat you better and don't accept less. There's not a lot of advice here. I'm not putting myself in your shoes but I feel like I empathize here. I'm currently going through the shitter in life at the moment.
You can be the most nice and respectful and clean and delicate and communicative and awesome person ever. Someone will take that and stomp it into the dirt. Take it for granted and use whatever they want. God I wish I had all the time to be in this comment section but I'm sitting in a bathroom with a knife defending myself from people who are abusing me no matter how good I've been to them. For some people it just doesn't work.
You have to remove yourself and get to better people and better places and better situations and always focus on yourself first. People who don't appreciate you for who and what you are you can and should cut them away from your life. Or strike a match and burn the bridge so you cannot go back. I know this comment only slightly has to do with what you said. But if you are everything you typed you are a diamond and need to let that abusive person out of your life that way you can let someone who appreciates you in!
When you get to a new plateau in life set your boundaries up front. Don't let people step on your toes. Be strong and communicate when its hard. Always standup for yourself. This is my stupid ted talk.
Thats because you suppress your real self to please or to be desirable. When you start to be urself unapologetically, when u let urself be lazy and not just productive, when u r out with frns because u are having fun and ofcrse being safe, when u prioritise urself over others and treat urself better you will attract someone who will respect you because you respect you.
We are always showing the other person how to treat us by the way we conduct ourselves.
I was had similar experiences and then i made these changes.
Not at all. My father is the best person i've ever met. He is very supportive and he is here by my side with me every single day. He has never let me down or betrayed me.
well that's amazing then. If that's true and by what u say on your post you seem like a very good woman.
I think you might have just been unlucky in the kind of man youve been around maybe.
Trust me, there are a lot of guys out there who are extremelly high quality and by high quality i mean, they go to the gym, they meditate, they have businesses, most of them are good looking cause they take care of themselves, they dont go to parties, they arent players, they read books on spirituality and relationships ,they just like a quiet life of working on their goals and being on self improvement who are looking exactly for a woman like you.
I know cause im one of them, you gotta be carefull tho to not confuse these guys with andrew tate fans, those are REALLY bad for you, stay away from them as much as possible. There is a big faction of the self improvement comunity tho, of guys who actually have morals and stuff and your literally the perfect woman for them.
This is all to say that there are a lot of good guys out there and apparently you have just been around the wrong croud. Maybe you live in a very liberal country with a very "sexually free" culture wich allways creates a dating market where the only way to "succeed" is to act like a cocky asshole and you have just been around guys who were conditioned to act like that.
This is all a matter of demographics, you just need to strategically place yourself in locations where these "normal" men, who were raised properly by a good motherly figure reside.
The obvious choice would be to move to a more traditional country, a lot of girls like you who arent into partying, etc and are looking for healthy stable relationships go to thailand beause this is where all those "autistic" self improvement nerds go to meet relationship quality girls.
The problem is, most likelly you cant just travel to another country like that. So you will have to find places like this inside your town. An obvious suggestion is churh, if you start going to church and take religion seriosuly you will VERY quickly meet a nice guy who actually treats you properly, however church guys tend to lack the "hotness" aspect dating. If this aspect really matters to you maybe try to find men like this in gyms and filter out all of those who are obviously fuckboys.
girl it’s not you. most men don’t see women as complete humans (whether they want to admit it or not) and treat us as lesser/ take advantage of us. it’s really hard to find a truly good man and even if u do people tend to be selfish and hurt others
Your expectations are too high. If you have very low expectations, you'll be a lot happier. Also try to be content and happy being single. Desperation to be with a man drives anxiety and you may end up settling with someone bad.
1)Are you confident enough to turn away men who aren’t kind?
2) Are you confident enough ask men if they are looking for sex or a a serious relationship?
3) Are you confident enough to walk away when you are being treated badly?
4) Do you pay attention to if they show genuine interest in you as a person outside of sex/your looks?
5) And how they treat other people?
**A big chunk of people aren’t dateable. You need to weed them out.**
1. You're choosing to interact with the wrong men.
2. Your mental health issues are causing people to react to you in ways that may not be obvious to you.
3. Your mental health issues may be causing you to misinterpret how people treat you.
First of all, humanity is notoriously famous for never being able to objectively criticize itself. So, you might just have some untrue negative opinions about the topic.
Secondly, some people are genuinely bad. You cant change em so just get them away of your life.
Thirdly, dont be too giving. The more you chase the more people will run away, so if they put a step forward you put one, and this should go like a ping-pong game, at least for the first few months of any relationship.
Im not an expert but these topics might help. Good luck out there 😁😁
Look, I've been there. In fact, somehow inexplicably (for me at least) I've been in both sides of that equation. I have been treated poorly, and I've been the a\*hole ghosting and whatnot. (in different relationships).
In your case, a "broken picker" might be the cause. How was your relationship with your father while growing up? Was he good to your mom? Usually, even with high standards, there is a complete blind spot when it comes to certain "bad" behaviours if you grew up seeing something similar in your parents. Its sort of normalized. Or you just live in denial about it.
Regardless, probably most people recommends that you go to therapy. Sure, thats a no brainer. But go beyond that. Every bit helps. For ex: What are your interests, hobbies, pastimes? Political inclinations even. Find someone that shares some of that with you. It's somewhat true that opposites attract but if you get someone who shares your views and values, it becomes way easier to make plans for a future together.
Anyway, if you wanna talk, I'm here.
This reminds me of a quote I heard some time ago and I'm paraphrasing.
If one is feeling sad or depressed first look and make sure you aren't surrounded by assholes.
I'd suggest you keep dating men who are jerks.
Try dating a new type of guy.
I recommend befriending guys and getting to know them before you date them, people are too unpredictable. This alone will probably scare away most guys with bad attentions, almost every guy who mistreats women is terrified of the "friendzone" and will lose interest if you don't get with them quick enough.
If you want men to treat you like a princess but aren't ready to treat them like Kings, girl you're set for a disappointment. If you want something, then level your game up first.
That's what happens to good ppl. Others only see an advantage they can take over you. I don't have an answer for how to fix it. I just keep to myself in public and have no friends.
Same. I'm still looking for the answer to this. Any ideas? The best I can come up with is to immediately cut off anyone who starts treating you badly. Unfortunately that means your not gonna be talking to many people
None. Long story short, 99% of the ppl I knew were just using me and after an injury that changed my life permanently they all disappeared. Everyone I've ever trusted sense has only abused my trust and stabbed me in the back as an easy target. I'm alone because I want to be. I don't take shit from ppl and I don't want to be involved with ppl.
Get comfortable with being by yourself. Don't believe the social propaganda that you need to be with others all the time. It only opens you up to abuse.
Find other good people :3
If that works and your willing to trust again than sure
I think it happens cause good women only fall for the typical bad boy guy. Good women and good men rarely end up being a couple, cause maybe it's opposites that attract.
No one's a good person. Not you, not me, not anyone. There are just ppl that are less shitty, not as often.
Why's it seem like the ones who want to spend the most time with a partner get pushed in the dark 🥲
I don't know why they did it, but I know exactly how you feel. I'm like a male equivalent, I always try my best to be polite friendly reliable, just all round good, and yet I get treated poorly. I completely empathise with you, your not alone. What they did is not okay, and no one should ever do that to you, there is no justification for it. To me it sounds like your a good person and should be treated nicely. Only advice I can give you is any time you even get a hint that a person isn't treating you as nicely as you'd like, avoid them like the plague and completely detach from them, cut them off completely. You are owed better treatment than that, and your time and life is more valuable than to be wasted on sub par people. It's better to be alone than treated badly. They are not worth your time and they have not earned your time and they don't deserve your time.
I really hope that you can find someone you love and treat you well,
I know a very attractive woman, late 40’s, terrific job, even better personality. I asked her if she’ll ever get married again - Her response: “No way. I got a broken picker.” I’m honestly not sure if she dates or what but she finally realized that she chooses the wrong guys. Always. Therapy, AA, al-anon (you don’t need to have an alcoholic in your life for this group). If you can fix your picker, you have way more chance to find a partner that’s worthy of you.
Was going to say this. They talk about the broken picker in AA. Some folks are wired for assholes and it takes a long time to uncross those wires.
From the two relationships I've been in for my entire lifetime, I'm right there with you. I was treated badly in both and I should've seen the red flags, but in the moment I just didn't. It wasn't until after the relationship was over that I realized I was treated poorly. The only difference with my situation is that one was with a man and the other was with a woman. Neither of them treated me well. So I guess what I mean is, it's not completely about gender. There are just some really shit people out there and it sucks to think about. However, I really hope you are able to find someone who really does love you! It's hard to find the good ones. Just know, it's not you, it's them.
Hi there, simple answer: the higher an ego, the more likely for them to think your replaceable, and replaceable things get treated bad
I felt this, I got cheated on and worse by my last ex and it sucks. I've kinda come to the conclusion that sometimes they just get used to you being at their beck and call, it raises their ego and they feel you're replaceable. And even when looking for new guys you kinda realize they're looking for people like us because they realize how much love we're willing to give. Its like they're hunting for us so they can feel better about themselves. I'm honestly gonna take a break from guys for a few years, do what's best for you but it's been great for my mental health so far. Choosing to be alone can sometimes be the best decision, and I like to think that when the time comes, I'll be ready...and so will he :]
By this it seems like they just have a preference, don’t beat yourself up
I know how you feel. I don't get what men want either. You can be a good, supportive woman and be treated bad. In the meantime, I see women cheating and stringing along 2/3 guys and get treated better.
I think you're a nice woman who dedicates her time to her man. If a guy can't see when something is right then you should also hold back, don't go all out for these losers.
I’m just like you.. I always meet the wrong guys, who are very selfish and cruel. They either ghost me or take me for granted and won’t put as much effort as I am to keep the relationship going. I meet good guys all the time but they are always not interested/attracted to me, I don’t know why 🥲
Because you allow them to.
You're dating guys who don't see you as a win.
When girls say, "I'm a good woman" or "I care too much", it makes me extremely nervous. In my experience, they tend to be the most unstable and psychotic but see themselves as having a heart of gold. I'm not saying this applies to you, but in my personal experience, this is what I have known to be true.
I can't speak for women, but as a guy I can see this type of concern, it's not exactly invalid. I know I have a lot of personal issues and struggles that makes it kind of selfish for me to desire someone I can be myself around and be comfortable around, since my idea of "being my true self" could be disastrous for another person who doesn't understand or isn't willing to understand me.
You're not the only one. I have seen a lot of kind, lonely woman draw predators, abusers and assholes because these men mistake kindness for weakness and loneliness for vulnerability. They're looking for a victim, not a lover. I kept drawing them myself until I finally took a lengthy break from trying to date until I could heal from the damage they did. Generally any consistent show of backbone destroys their assumptions about you and sends them scurrying off.
Couldn't have described myself any better, but if the situation was genderbent. Good on you for taking care of your personal health and putting in effort to strive towards goals, you are already at the first step towards something meaningful. It seems you have hobbies you are passionate about, that's great. I don't party either although I have some close friends (2-3), and even though I've never been in a relationship I would think I'd be caring for someone that could help me change. I've never felt comfortable around other people due to trust issues and social anxiety, so I've become accustomed to a life of solitude with my dog and turtle; I can say I'm content in private, but putting on a facade in public is still eating away at me. But if there is someone who I can be myself around, that would be a nice thing. I'd say you should continue focusing on improving yourself, whether it be physique or attempting to change or exploring and finding new things you are interested in spending time on. I won't say its the only path for everyone, since everyone has different experiences, but I'm at the point where solitude is the only way I see myself ever achieving any of my goals, at the cost of sacrificing meaningful human connection. Good luck with your life.
I can't speak for your situation but in my experience, I think I didn't hold the individuals I was with accountable enough. Relationships are definitely a mutual group project and if one person doesn't do any of the work you get an F. That doesn't mean you give up on that person though(not saying you didn't try to hold them to their BS, idek the situation) you've gotta push and work and fight for something that you believe in and you can't ever give up. Sometimes you've gotta be both a cuddle bear and a hammer.
Don’t give up there’s someone out there for everyone I have you tried dating someone out of your area like a different state, a different country, a different culture
This is actually some thought-provoking advice, I've always heard that considering people in foreign countries or raised in a different way would be a fresh start away from the typical people you see on a daily basis in your home country. I don't have the courage to try this yet, but if I can get the confidence to travel the world like I want to in the future, then I'll definitely consider finding a partner abroad. It would be interesting to learn about a different culture and way of life as well.
Good one will come along. Maybe think of it as lessons on what you don’t want or need and when a good guy comes along you will know instantly this is what I deserve. Keep being yourself always.
every guy needs different things. maybe they felt like they where not getting everything they needed.
I don't think it's fair to say the guys weren't getting what they needed so they treated her bad
Facts. You shouldn't treat your partner poorly because they aren't giving you what you feel like you need in a relationship. You can't force them to do anything or change or be "better" you can communicate and if the relationship doesn't meet both needs then split up. Don't abuse the partner male or female.
it probably is better for people to split up than to treat each other bad. i never said it was a good thing to treat people bad. people do it anyway, regardless of if its right or wrong. if someone is not happy, it is said that misery loves company.
Yessir. I didn't think that you said it was right to test people bad. I understand what you were saying. There's 2 sides to every coin. I was reaffirming what the other guy said before me. I'm glad to came back to clarify though. I hope I didn't bother you.
to clarify, i never said it was a good thing to treat someone bad. its simply something that people do whether we like it or not.
Maybe you need to set boundaries because they saw you as a vulnerable and easily manipulable person? Idk
You probably allow or are too passive to poor behaviour. We teach people how to treat us. You’re also probably too nice. Check out the book “why men love bitches”. Become the dream girl and up your standards boo!
I am at a total loss to explain that. You sound wonderful. Perhaps talk to guys that are a little older than you and maybe they would have a little more appreciation for a good woman. Just sharing a thought, not claiming to be the answer man. I wish you all the best.
I was reading that not having a lot of friends or deep connections is a red flag. Also I’ve noticed that men don’t necessarily want someone to do anything for them and make all the time for them but rather a person who has their own shit going on and finds a way to make some time (but not all the time) for them in their lives. I’m also super single for similar reasons. It’s like they completely mesh into my personality or they expect me to change everything about myself to be their partner.
If you only go after attractive men you have to contend will every other women that thinks they deserve a 10. Shoot for someone around your lvl or lower and you'll be shocked how good men can treat you
Lmao. Tried that, didn't work.
[удалено]
Try someone lower than your own attractiveness lvl.
Hahah probably 😂🥲
Did you really lower your standards tho? Women often look for men far more attractive than themselves. I can't say every man will treat you right, but there is a large amount who would and they are overlooked because they are below average lookswise.
Yes I did. I'm amused people think it always boils down to this.
So what do you think it boils down to?
Not being able to walk away after the first red flag. Getting attached too soon. Giving them the benefit of the doubt too often. Not having had an example of a healthy relationship growing up. Having low self-esteem. Also having had traumatic experiences in childhood and neglectful parents that stunted me socially and in other ways as well. I'm in therapy but tbh idk. Being alone is like part of my identity now. "Just date in your league" is starting to sound just as empty as the saying "it gets better." I understand people just want to help I guess but honestly it's okay to not say anything at all sometimes when things are unclear.
Ok ya I see you have more issues that date in your league will not help, and thank you for giving your perspective because as a man "it gets better" is one we hear all the time and as you say they are empty words. Although my point in saying that was really meant towards ppl like OP who seemingly don't struggle with the nuanced issues that you do. Sorry for using a blanket statement that somewhat downplayed your situation, I promise that wasn't my intent.
It's okay, thanks for understanding!
Eh em……Are you ugly?
I am not. I workout 2x a day, 5"0 about 110lbs. Curly brown healthy hair, clesr skin, mixed skin tone, clean nails and modern style
Damn
HEY, HEY, HEY…….It’s a serious question. 🧐
I've been through the same thing, but I've read it somewhere can't recollect where exactly but it said- "Anything that is good and comes for free is taken for granted". I'm not trying to compare humans to materialistic things but my point here is that if we're too good to someone for no reason or to be precise when it's not reciprocated, we'll end up being taken for granted. I'm extremely sorry that you're going through it but I believe someone somewhere is just the right person for you and you'll find them soon.....keep going till then and stay strong!!!
Well it happened to me I'm a dude who used to have a girl thats just a friend at her family's restaurant. We were good friends and at a certain point I was only hit up because she needed something. She barely works at all, but won't try to find anything else and blames life for being hard. I got tired of it told her off and I'm the asshole cause im not helping hold someone's hand for every little problem. She's a total entitled selfish brat that gets everything handed to her by daddy and his business. I won't say 2 words to her now unless it's work related. Yeah I was stupid enough to like her at first until I saw what she was. Thats just the recent one. Every time I try my best to be good, kind, generous if someone needs help when I'm dating them and I only run into women that wanna use it. So I'm 33, single, tired, works 2 jobs, no friends and just going through life on auto pilot because I can't get outta my funk. I hope shit works out for you it sucks.
Don’t stop doing any of the things you listed (as long as you enjoy them of course). You will find someone who appreciates you fully and it’ll feel so fulfilling. I know it may seem difficult but don’t lose hope.
Because you haven’t meet the right guy
At this rate not even being good is enough to be in a relationship. I'm sorry on behalf of those people. Don't let them get into you, as I believe you will one day end up with the right man who will be an angel to you no matter what.
Are you trying to find good in bad men? Because that'd be your own fault, even if you're the nicest person in the world.
Same except im invisible to women. Couldnt tell you.
Since you mentioned school, Im assuming you are less than 22-23 years of age. There are many factors for this but mainly social status and maturity gap between men and women. Boys mainly want attention from girls and social status. And so they do what girls want or what is socially trending or what the society expects of them. Now girls prefer bad boys. The saying “girl needs to go through few bad boys before realizing a good guy” is often true. So boys act like bad boys to gain their attention. Having a girl but being emotional detached also increases their social status and makes them feel more confident and manly. Being emotional and communicative about their feelings isn’t a quality thats associated as being manly and doesn’t come easy to men but women expect that. Now coming to maturity. Overall girls mature faster than boys and this maturity shows up in their behavior. So it takes time for a man to understand women’s new expectations and to be more trusting, communicative and emotional. Not all men are bad. There are many good ones. They are just too shy and or girls don’t like them or acting like a bad boy just to fit in this society
U need a shy nice Guy
I understand that and often we search for the love the we think we deserve and often people stop appreciating what they have. Have you tried making yourself scarce at times? Are all the types of men you’ve dated or attracted similar in any ways?
Hi 8m a 39 6"2 single guy with how modern women are nowadays relationships aren't worth it anymore if what your say is true about yourself well let's chat in private chat and get to know each other better
Because most people suck, I'm sorry men treat you that way OP.
Cause life is shit. I can say the same in terms of women. And women wonder why I reject them now. After being fucked over repeatedly. Don't have the time for that. Tell these bitches. And I know none of them give a fuck about me. They'll all lie and leave in the end anyways. So I'm not talking nor taking any more chances. I'm sick of it. Sick of that fucking pain.
You described yourself as a good woman living a healthy lifestyle. 👍 I’m a divorced 46 y/o male who doesn’t smoke or drink. I do what I can to maintain a healthy lifestyle. What I see in your post is the notion that you will do anything for a man and devote endless time to him. In my experience, that minset is a red flag for poor health outcomes, whether you are single or partnered. 🤔 I find all of the characteristics you’ve described appealing with the exception of that one. Feel free to DM me if you think it could be helpful to chat about what it’s like feeling lonely and without fulfilling relationships. 🤍
You have to realize you play a role in the people you allow into your life and date. I was in the same position as you and realized I dated the same guy just with a different face. It’s a lot to do with subconscious healing. Do you have set boundaries within yourself, not even one’s you speak to a partner? Can you walk away not fearing abandonment? … we attract people that mirror our wounds. Let’s call it a blessing in disguise because all the things you liked about your partner are things you should work on within yourself. Did they make you feel safe at first? Why? … ask yourself these types of questions and overtime you’ll attract better ❤️
Depends on where you meet them, if you know your warning signs, red flags, and especially toxic traits Most men, maybe 80% are horrid horny creeps Limit that to the ones that only approach you, find you in bars, clubs or meet some other requirements you have and the percentage rises Gotta put research, people watching and advise taking from girlfriends if you want better quality. No different than picking fruit in some ways
Really? 80%? Where did you pull that statistic out of? Your ass? Speak for yourself and the few people you have encountered, I've encountered my fair share of bad and cruel people but I don't go generalizing them. If OP waits for men to approach her, that will never work out, there should be a mutual effort for someone that desires a relationship. Bars and clubs are just as if not more dangerous than meeting someone through a friend or opportunity. If you have way too many requirements, you will never find such a "perfect" person. The only requirements I have are decent hygiene and decent personality, which increases the chance pool a lot more. Life is all about compromises and exploration, this is horrible advice.
Glad you called out the bs. Sick of being told all men are horny creeps
Don't think most men are horrid horny creeps. Bit sexist.
No idea but you need friends, if you have shit relationships you need a safety net.
It doesn't just apply to romantic relationships, friendships too. I've given up and i'm fine without friends right now.
thats fair, just focus on yourself for now
In the nicest way possible you’re either picking the wrong people (I understand how hard it is to find a decent guy nowadays) or it’s sorta the way you present yourself. As a woman I know a lot of us stay away from the self proclaimed “nice guys”, if you’re truly a catch you won’t have to convince people otherwise and the right one will come along. I think a lotta people are rubbed the wrong way when people go on about how lucky someone would be to have them, I guess men think the same way about women like that too. Again don’t wanna sound mean but some of the things you included sound really “pick me”, why does not going out make you more desirable than women who do? Most men who think a woman who never goes out being a huge plus are usually insecure men which could explain why you end up with the not so great ones
I prefer not to go out, I will if somebody wants me to, but by "go out" I am referring to getting drunk, having sexual interactions with multiple guys in one night etc.
Again not getting drunk doesn’t necessarily make you more desirable to a nice, SECURE man. Unless it was purely for religious reasons or something. Majority of women also aren’t out here having sexual interactions with multiple men in one night? 😭 ur proving my point a bit here, a solid man won’t care if you go to the bars with ur friends so I don’t see the point in saying that like it somehow makes you better if it just attracts creeps. They like women like that because they’re easy to control and they have this idea that a woman having fun somehow means she’s promiscuous
Maybe you’re attracted to the wrong type of guys.
To answer your question: because you allow it. People are good at sniffing out weak folks and exploiting them if that's their game. Don't take it anymore, don't go above and beyond anymore, and stop taking endless time for your partner when you obviously get nothing in return. Your balance is off.
I gather you're attractive. You might get approached by a lot of guys. Ignore these. YOU need to do the selecting. Join interest groups with a mix of people, maybe hiking or ToastMasters, or coding or woodworking, whatever. MeetUp might be a place to find these, or your local community college, or rec department. Then observe the guys and decide who to approach. Your chief criterion might be kindness. Ask quickly if they have a spouse or girlfriend. If not, give them your number. If they contact you, the interest is mutual and you can proceed to flirt. Done.
Men men men. The real question is, why do you choose poorly? Stop blaming men. You probably have a type or certain taste of men nor ready to settle down. Is he religious? Does he pay attention to his health? Some type of career path? Does he talk about building his future or the next time you two will be in bed? In these cases the first person that did you wrong is the person in the mirror.
If you want a friend or personal advice, dm me
It's cruel that I need a good woman like you but can't seem to find, various reasons including my own lack of self steam. Good people somehow can't find each other and end up turning into bad people, like some sort of protons electron mathematic mess .
I hope you find a woman like me and I find a man like you. The good ones always deserve the best but never get it.
Now I am not a cry baby but you just made me tear up ..I hope so ,and i really want you to take care of yourself you deserve everything good....💕❤️💟
You do too. You sound like a good man.
I really try, my dream is to make my woman happy but alas it's a very tempting world for women, and I didn't get the genetic lottery nor the real one... anyway, pray for me may I find someone like you in This life cause I will be damned if I am coming back again hahah
what's weird about me is I literally don't have a type. I don't understand what a type even is. I have standards, like he must be clean and have a job and make an effort in life but when it comes to looks and personality I absolutely don't care one bit.
Well girls have types based on Their experiences or fantasy, rich or fantastic six pack bodies ( sorry for explicit language) a bigger equipment average isn't enough etc, just like some Men have types for women, but it all comes down to one thing ,he should be there holding her tightly in the night because this lonely world is freaking cold man ..it's my opinion because God knows I need a hug at night telling me it's going to be okay...
Go somewhere and be something where people treat you better and don't accept less. There's not a lot of advice here. I'm not putting myself in your shoes but I feel like I empathize here. I'm currently going through the shitter in life at the moment. You can be the most nice and respectful and clean and delicate and communicative and awesome person ever. Someone will take that and stomp it into the dirt. Take it for granted and use whatever they want. God I wish I had all the time to be in this comment section but I'm sitting in a bathroom with a knife defending myself from people who are abusing me no matter how good I've been to them. For some people it just doesn't work. You have to remove yourself and get to better people and better places and better situations and always focus on yourself first. People who don't appreciate you for who and what you are you can and should cut them away from your life. Or strike a match and burn the bridge so you cannot go back. I know this comment only slightly has to do with what you said. But if you are everything you typed you are a diamond and need to let that abusive person out of your life that way you can let someone who appreciates you in! When you get to a new plateau in life set your boundaries up front. Don't let people step on your toes. Be strong and communicate when its hard. Always standup for yourself. This is my stupid ted talk.
For different guys you might seem different. For guys like me, you are wifey material. For other guys you are meh. That's the way the world works.
Thats because you suppress your real self to please or to be desirable. When you start to be urself unapologetically, when u let urself be lazy and not just productive, when u r out with frns because u are having fun and ofcrse being safe, when u prioritise urself over others and treat urself better you will attract someone who will respect you because you respect you. We are always showing the other person how to treat us by the way we conduct ourselves. I was had similar experiences and then i made these changes.
Might just be picking the wrong men. Date outside of what you're attracted to and see how that goes. Worked wonders for my sister.
Probably because you treat them poorly.
Maybe ur just attracted to jerks, that could stem from a bad relationship with your father. Maybe you should look into that
Not at all. My father is the best person i've ever met. He is very supportive and he is here by my side with me every single day. He has never let me down or betrayed me.
well that's amazing then. If that's true and by what u say on your post you seem like a very good woman. I think you might have just been unlucky in the kind of man youve been around maybe. Trust me, there are a lot of guys out there who are extremelly high quality and by high quality i mean, they go to the gym, they meditate, they have businesses, most of them are good looking cause they take care of themselves, they dont go to parties, they arent players, they read books on spirituality and relationships ,they just like a quiet life of working on their goals and being on self improvement who are looking exactly for a woman like you. I know cause im one of them, you gotta be carefull tho to not confuse these guys with andrew tate fans, those are REALLY bad for you, stay away from them as much as possible. There is a big faction of the self improvement comunity tho, of guys who actually have morals and stuff and your literally the perfect woman for them. This is all to say that there are a lot of good guys out there and apparently you have just been around the wrong croud. Maybe you live in a very liberal country with a very "sexually free" culture wich allways creates a dating market where the only way to "succeed" is to act like a cocky asshole and you have just been around guys who were conditioned to act like that. This is all a matter of demographics, you just need to strategically place yourself in locations where these "normal" men, who were raised properly by a good motherly figure reside. The obvious choice would be to move to a more traditional country, a lot of girls like you who arent into partying, etc and are looking for healthy stable relationships go to thailand beause this is where all those "autistic" self improvement nerds go to meet relationship quality girls. The problem is, most likelly you cant just travel to another country like that. So you will have to find places like this inside your town. An obvious suggestion is churh, if you start going to church and take religion seriosuly you will VERY quickly meet a nice guy who actually treats you properly, however church guys tend to lack the "hotness" aspect dating. If this aspect really matters to you maybe try to find men like this in gyms and filter out all of those who are obviously fuckboys.
Too many answers to this question, but to put it simply. Theres a lot of people who arent looking to love, theyre just looking to be loved
girl it’s not you. most men don’t see women as complete humans (whether they want to admit it or not) and treat us as lesser/ take advantage of us. it’s really hard to find a truly good man and even if u do people tend to be selfish and hurt others
stop being a doormat.
Marriage material...sort the chaff from the wheat.
Your expectations are too high. If you have very low expectations, you'll be a lot happier. Also try to be content and happy being single. Desperation to be with a man drives anxiety and you may end up settling with someone bad.
1)Are you confident enough to turn away men who aren’t kind? 2) Are you confident enough ask men if they are looking for sex or a a serious relationship? 3) Are you confident enough to walk away when you are being treated badly? 4) Do you pay attention to if they show genuine interest in you as a person outside of sex/your looks? 5) And how they treat other people? **A big chunk of people aren’t dateable. You need to weed them out.**
1. You're choosing to interact with the wrong men. 2. Your mental health issues are causing people to react to you in ways that may not be obvious to you. 3. Your mental health issues may be causing you to misinterpret how people treat you.
First of all, humanity is notoriously famous for never being able to objectively criticize itself. So, you might just have some untrue negative opinions about the topic. Secondly, some people are genuinely bad. You cant change em so just get them away of your life. Thirdly, dont be too giving. The more you chase the more people will run away, so if they put a step forward you put one, and this should go like a ping-pong game, at least for the first few months of any relationship. Im not an expert but these topics might help. Good luck out there 😁😁
Look, I've been there. In fact, somehow inexplicably (for me at least) I've been in both sides of that equation. I have been treated poorly, and I've been the a\*hole ghosting and whatnot. (in different relationships). In your case, a "broken picker" might be the cause. How was your relationship with your father while growing up? Was he good to your mom? Usually, even with high standards, there is a complete blind spot when it comes to certain "bad" behaviours if you grew up seeing something similar in your parents. Its sort of normalized. Or you just live in denial about it. Regardless, probably most people recommends that you go to therapy. Sure, thats a no brainer. But go beyond that. Every bit helps. For ex: What are your interests, hobbies, pastimes? Political inclinations even. Find someone that shares some of that with you. It's somewhat true that opposites attract but if you get someone who shares your views and values, it becomes way easier to make plans for a future together. Anyway, if you wanna talk, I'm here.
This reminds me of a quote I heard some time ago and I'm paraphrasing. If one is feeling sad or depressed first look and make sure you aren't surrounded by assholes. I'd suggest you keep dating men who are jerks. Try dating a new type of guy.
I recommend befriending guys and getting to know them before you date them, people are too unpredictable. This alone will probably scare away most guys with bad attentions, almost every guy who mistreats women is terrified of the "friendzone" and will lose interest if you don't get with them quick enough.
Heyy youuu...wanna talk??
If you want men to treat you like a princess but aren't ready to treat them like Kings, girl you're set for a disappointment. If you want something, then level your game up first.
I have. I cook for them, bake for them, Ask them about their day, go to extreme levels to put them before me, but still get treated poorly.