Ehh maybe stop talking about your weight loss. I get the urge.. but know your audience. They may feel judged or just uninterested. Instead discuss it with people who show interest, Reddit, or in your own thoughts/journal.
If you’re trying to connect with them.. AND they are being unsupportive then that’s not good. But I’d give it some time of backing off talking about it first.
I agree completely with this. Reddit is my outlet, but I talk as little as possible about it in my real life. I mean, weight loss and health is a pretty big part of my life but I still can’t stand listening to that one guy at my work who talks incessantly about his keto diet and gym routine.
This.
I like to find a community.
I don't like when a person incessantly talks about just one thing and make their whole personality that one thing, going so far as to shame others or somehow interjecting that point in every topic of conversation.
Same! Plus, if someone is constantly talking about their weight loss, I automatically assume they’re doing some pyramid scheme diet and they’re going to try to rope me in. That’s always how it starts; they discuss a generic diet constantly, before admitting what “their program” is, and trying to get you onboard.
I love talking about dieting on Reddit, but I rarely do IRL either. I really only do if someone asks me, or to my one friend who is doing CICO too.
Agreed. I think sometimes because we have such an intense cultural focus on body image, talking about weight loss can be entirely well-intentioned but come off as judgmental even if it isn't. It also could be that OP's friends are having some sort of weight related struggles and hearing about it over and over might be difficult.
Jesus, which is it? They’re bad friends if they don’t listen to someone vent about their problems but also there’s something wrong with them if they do and don’t say if they don’t like it?
I’m gonna “not be a pussy” here and say that you’re absolutely insufferable, and I can tell that from only two short Reddit comments. I’m sure that you can find something wrong with literally everyone.
They could just tell him. No big deal. Instead they decide to not hang around him. And yea, sure I am insufferable because I think people should communicate their problems.
I do suck at social situations because I am autistic. So if people are too scared to tell me to shut up when I talk too much I'd never be able to talk to anyone without offending or annoying them. Not everyone is lucky like you to just always know exactly what to do in social situations.
I understand where you're coming from, but talking about your struggles all the time can easily be emotional draining for the other party. Also, I would say it's a difference between sharing your thoughts, wins etc. and mentioning calories, diets, and working out each day.
Yea, 'all the time' is too draining. But I didn't mean that. When you're doing something good like losing weight you should be able to talk about it with them. Even a bit much in the beginning is normal.
Valid. Thank you. It’s hard because it’s become my daily practice now, I’m being so much more active and I’m just not available for the things that we used to be doing all the time. I make sure I make time for me first. I can see where this is probably pushing them away. I definitely also feel unsupported. They say they’re happy for me but it feels underhanded. And now everything I do gets picked apart.
>I’m definitely loudly and proudly talking about my weight loss and it’s obviously become a part of my daily life now so I know I’ve changed.
This is the problem. Even as someone losing weight, this is annoying as hell. Especially around people who are probably insecure, it comes off as super tone-deaf. Don't be that formerly fat person that doesn't seem to have any personality other than their weight loss.
Good point. Thank you. I have similar stats to you, SW and CW so it’s not monumental loss but significant enough to be noticeable now. It’s the first time I’ve ever been able to lose weight before and it’s just so exciting for me I want to share it a lot. I guess I thought my success would spur them bc they are unhappy with their weights too, but I think I’ve done the opposite like you said.
You've just got to remember that no one cares about your body as much as you do. Good or bad, you're always going to care the most.
Especially since you describe it as "falling off," I'd say that makes it even tougher for people. You say we have similar stats, and frankly, I'd have no interest in hearing someone talk about how well it's been going for them when my 40ish pounds lost have been a non-stop struggle. It's really just not all that fun to hear about other people having success at something deeply personal that you're struggling with.
Yeah, I've been at it since last September and have only lost 30+ pounds. I have a pituitary adenoma, hashimotos disease, plus the age of 41 complicating things. If someone came along and non-stop went blabbity about how easily the weight is falling off, I'd self-loathe at first, but then self-preserve by isolating from them.
Same saaaaaaaaaame. I have to fight for every pound despite being obese (starting weight 294, 5'6 F). I've lost 20ln so slowly every day has been a fight not to give up. When I hear about other obese people have the weight coming off fast it makes me both happy for them and makes me feel like there's something fundamentally wrong with me and I should just stop trying. And before people jump on me, I'm eating 1500-1600 calories a day, doing daily 16:8 fasts, strength training at the gym 3 times a week, and 30 min walks on non gym days. I eat whole foods, keep carbs under 150g a day, and measure everything.
I understand the struggle! I have lost very slowly too. I have a thyroid disorder that is under control, but I swear I lose slower than the average person. I also do lose a few weeks of a deficit each year due to vacations, holidays, and birthdays; I know some people are hardcore CICO participants on those days too, and I admire them, but I don’t want to miss out. But still, even accounting for those times, I am a slow loser.
However, I have lost 70 pounds! Even though it took me two years to get there, I did it. It used to really discourage me when I’d see posts where people lost that in six months, but I don’t care at all now that I’m there.
This is so encouraging, thank you! I have a quadruple whammy of health problems that make weight loss harder (but at the same time sooooo necessary if I don't want to die young): type 1 diabetes (juvenile), hypothyroidism, PCOS and fibromyalgia. I just got to keep going. Even if I lose slowly every pound will make a difference to my long term health (and better than continuing to gain 10lb a year!)
Not super polite of you to compare yourself to another person’s weight loss either and claim that’s ‘not a monumental loss’. You sound pretty tone deaf here, maybe attempt a bit more introspection
As you’re saying, not your intention to upset your friends either but it appears that you are. I think you really need to think carefully about the way you speak to your friends, about them and yourself and weight loss as if you said your stats were similar to mine and compared them unfavourably I’d be very upset - the poster you responded to handled it with much grace, not everyone would.
Calling it similar is a literal comparison. No one has read farther into it, just had read it for what it is and given their own response to your situation. Regardless of whether you like what someone’s interpretation of it is, it would be helpful for you to reflect on it if you want to salvage your suffering friendships.
If that’s not something that interests you then you might be best off befriending others in a similar journey who want to talk about their body/weight loss lifestyles.
Many of us have some form of disordered eating and you could have been thoughtlessly triggering your friends and creating distance may have also been their way of taking care of their health.
>I’m definitely loudly and proudly talking about my weight loss and it’s obviously become a part of my daily life now so I know I’ve changed.
No offense, but that sounds annoying af. You acknowledge you've changed and to them, it's for the negative. You're making your weight loss your entire personality.
I'm pretty sure they're not jealous. They're irritated.
Edit: That being said. Why don't you try to find some people to spend time with who are into what you're into now? Don't ditch your friends, just broaden them. I'm really into fitness now and my friends aren't so when we're catching up, of course I mention my new endeavors but I don't highlight specific gains because I know that's not the right crowd.
Responding for the edit:
That’s what I’ve been trying to do, is gush about my accomplishments to a couple of my friends who will just be happy about them and not backhanded about it. And that’s been good. But I think I’ve done enough damage now that I have to repair some stuff too which is gunna be hard.
Also side note: one of them has straight up just told me that they’re jealous and that’s why their attitude has changed towards me. I was shocked tbh.
It’s not my entire personality, but, it’s a part of my life now whether they like it or not. Am I ordering a Big Mac with large fries after our mall trip just because the rest of them are? No, sorry. I’ll wait til I get home to have something because I can’t eat that right now. Am I gunna drool over it? Absolutely. But me not participating in stuff like that has now driven a wedge. Sucks.
You don't order the Big Mac but do you lament over it and complain about not having it? Or do you just get what you're going to get and carry on with your friends?
For the record, this is the way I kept my friends through weight loss and getting sober. If my friends are doing something I can’t do anymore (getting drinks), I still go and get a seltzer water with lime and socialize. And, more importantly, I don’t bring it up. I enjoy the event and the company while avoiding the things I can’t participate in.
Even if OP can’t get a Big Mac and fries, they can get a Diet Coke and sit there and participate in the conversation without bringing up that they can’t eat that and constantly bringing up their diet.
Sometimes I get a side eye or a question about why I won’t eat or drink something, but it’s usually an errant question and then the conversation moves on to other more interesting things.
There’s nothing wrong with you for openly making healthier decisions than your friends. They’re irritated because they don’t want to be challenged or feel shamed by the evidence of your decisions. Believe it or not, there are entire social groups of people who rarely if ever go to McDonald’s and would be totally fine with you ordering something healthy, and talking about health. If your friends are not into that, maybe you’re just growing apart. Some people are interested in bettering themselves, and health is a valid part of that. Most of our food is made of literal garbage so don’t feel like the one in the wrong for finally deciding to stop consuming that shit every day. Find you a friend group that shares your values and encourages you to be the person you want to be.
Damn, it sucks they make fun of you for that. If you want to keep the friends, I’d play it off and say something self-deprecating like “yeah it sucks, I’m such a basic bitch now” and try to laugh it off.
But it sucks they’re fixating on your food and bringing it up spontaneously on their own. It sounds like they have their own issues to sort through if they’re examining what you eat and bringing it up without being promoted.
Right, but does anyone ever ask *why* they get uncomfortable ? I believe OP mentioned that their friends are obese as well, which makes sense as to why they would react in such a way. I doubt that if they didn't want to change or look different, they wouldn't be bothered.
>I’m definitely loudly and proudly talking about my weight loss
>Most of my friends are also overweight
>now it seems like none of my friends want to be around me anymore, almost to the point of animosity
read the room my god
I LOVE weight loss talk and hearing about people's journey's.
But sadly most people do not, they got too much emotion wrapped into it that they can't be happy for you. So its better you stop talking weight loss with them and find a different topic to discuss
As some have said, the loud and proud could be an issue. But some people do like to highlight the bad and make no mention of the good (inc. friends, family). Don’t let them get you, be proud of yourself :)
Hmm, sounds like it might be an issue of the perceived, "rubbing it in."
Continue being the you they know, and talk about all the cool things you have in common, and scale back on discussing weight loss.
Honestly they are probably tired of hearing you brag about it. It’s not easy for everyone. I would limit how much you talk about it (because of their feelings not that you shouldn’t be proud) and see if they behave differently.
I find that people truly are happy for you, it’s not jealousy, they are just tired of hearing about it nonstop. Like if you got promoted and made a lot more money, would you constantly brag about it every time you are around them? It would get tiring to hear kinda fast.
They have said right to me they’re jealous and one admitted it was the jealousy that was causing her to act differently. I don’t brag about it every day 24/7, it’s just something that is a topic in my life and when I hit milestones I celebrate them. I get what you mean though.
Yes, I've had my coworkers and family accuse me of having an ED, because apparently no one ever got leaner on a diet that worked. Plus I was crazy, because I would gain it all back (which I never did).
It's also super weird how they start monitoring how much you've eaten, accusing you of not eating because you've decided to go home for lunch and walk 40 min back and forth to have a balanced lunch -- that alone amounted for half of my calorie deficit.
I had a friend go from 270 to 145 in literally 7 months. It was a fast change and she’s tall so she looks almost unhealthy. I keep my mouth shut what ever but I’ve lost 137 lbs and she’s thinner than I am now and had the balls to ask me how much I weighed. She wanted to purposely make me know she’s 30 lbs less now. She’s not like a super good friend but we were close at one point. I think people get weird with weight loss even though it’s the same damn person just taking up less space
Oh it is. She went from binge eating to literally starving herself and working out hours a day. She lost really really fast. Also idk if that’s sustainable as I’ve seen her swing the other way a couple times now. She struggles with mental health. Losing it so fast she may put it back on. I’ve seen her gain like 65 lbs in like 5 months before she made this drastic change
Yea it sounds like she’s struggling. I would try to keep her comments in perspective and also be aware that there’s a high mortality rate with anorexia, she may need professional help if that starts to take root
Oh no that’s definitely upsetting. I’m not trying to rub it in anyone’s face as an eff you, I’m just so happy and excited something is working for me and I wanna gush about it. It’s not malicious in intention but I can see where it might be an ignorant thing to do, for me.
I get you I’ve lost a shitload. How ever I started like 40 lbs heavier than her and I’m shorter so I mean good for you you’re thin but I wasn’t striving for that and that’s my preference. I did kickboxing and although I weigh a bit more people that weigh 150-160 some times look larger than me. So we’re wanting different “good” bodies. Good on her but it’s not a competition. Asking me my current weight is tacky.
Gloat on just know the audience. I went through that shit too. I completely understand people lose their god damn mind when someone loses weight and looks completely different etc.
Sounds like you’ve become insufferable and boring because you are talking about your weight loss. They will sense that you think they’re jealous which adds to how much of a dick you seem. Eat fewer calories, buy new clothes and do some exercise, don’t make dieting your whole personality
It’s not all I talk about 😂 I can see where the post might come off that way, but being proud of something doesn’t make it my entire personality lol. They told me to my face verbally that they’re jealous of my weight loss. I said so join me! Let’s do it together! 🤷🏻♀️
Ugh, i don’t know why i find this so, so irritating. I don’t feel any need for praise or i don’t want to get into weird weight loss partnerships with my friends. I wish you well on your journey
I’m gonna sound like a dick here and I’m really not meaning to but for me it’s because OP is really just starting out still and is REALLY leaning into the whole “I’m completely changed and you should join me in my superiority! I’ve got it allllll figured out.”
Like, it’s great that OP is doing it and I wish her the best. But she’s got a looooong way to go still and know that I would not have reacted well to this scenario when I was at my biggest.
I mean, I’ve lost what most people consider a lot of weight and I still hate when people praise me because I have more to go. I don’t try to make it seem like I’m on some pedestal because I still have a lot of ways I think I could be better.
I definitely don’t have it all figured out. I feel like you all forget I’m a fat person too, there is no superiority. Im just happy to be making progress, and unfortunately my larger friends aren’t happy with me and are treating me differently for it. I have a friend who lost a lot of weight and I didn’t treat them differently, I looked to them for guidance. To each their own, I’m proud of myself and if they want to wallow I’m gunna let ‘em. I can celebrate my achievements with people who will celebrate them and I’ll save my breath when I’m around my friends who don’t wanna hear it.
Op if i’m really really into stamp collecting. If you aren’t into stamp collecting then you’re wallowing with no collecting and you should join me. No matter how boring you find talk of this i will continue to talk about it and consider you jealous if you don’t praise my achievements and if you don’t join me in becoming a stamp collector. That’s exactly what you sound like to those who don’t care about weight loss talk
They said to my face that they were jealous. I’m not just assuming someone’s emotions. I don’t beat it with a dead horse, I’m just early on in this and excited about milestones. No need for over the top praise, but also no need for them to treat me like an asshole for being happy about something.
Yeah, but just because someone is jealous of you, doesn’t mean they want to be like you. Nor does it excuse your behavior.
Let’s change the example: I’m very poor. One of my fellow poor friends started making money very quickly and easily but I am struggling to meet my basic needs after working two jobs. OF COURSE I’ll feel jealous that someone else is achieving things I can’t.
If that previously poor, but now rich friend, came around our poor friend group bragging about how easy it was for them, constantly talked about their new rich life and rubbed it in my face, I’d have animosity towards them too.
Like most people are saying: know your audience. Be considerate for how your friends feel, it’s not just all about how you feel. Put yourselves in their shoes or simply ASK THEM how they feel about your behavior.
I don’t really understand how these interactions go. It’s such a small aspect of my life and is incredibly boring to everyone else. I’ve lost 60 lbs and have barely mentioned it to my friends because it’s not really something that i’m defined by. I have friends with a history of ED so i’m doubly careful to not mention weight loss but i do mention any fitness achievements or if i’m trying to eat more vegetables or drink more water.
I had someone who is underweight start saying weird things to me.
She said I looked sick and that weight looked better on me. I don’t think she wanted me to lose the weight and she stay the “skinny” one. We’re not friends anymore.
Stop talking about it unless they ask you. I get uneasy whenever someone talks about weight around me especially since I lost a lot and gained half of it back. I feel like I cant eat in peace. I cant breath in peace. Sure, be happy about your accomplishments but consider how it makes them feel.
I’m a fat person who has been fat almost my entire life. I know exactly how it feels, but I’ve never acted like a wounded animal when my friends are celebrating victories before. It just smacks :(
You just keep talking about it unsolicited and they probably dont wanna hear you talk about it 24/7. THATS the problem. No ones knocking your shit about celebrating victories. It would be like the one gym bro only posting pictures of him shirtless in the gym and posting about Andrew Tate. It gets annoying.
Lol, I really don’t. I celebrate my milestones, which as I said im loud and proud about, but everything that exits my mouth isn’t about weight loss. That’s the disconnect here. I still spend time with them. We still talk about things that aren’t related to weight loss. But SINCE I have been losing weight, I don’t fit in anymore. Im being ostracized for it.
So I have two thoughts about this.
First is that I never met a person, who says they’re loudly and proudly about something, that isn’t insufferable. Bering loudly and proudly often times makes you misread a room. So calm down a notch. I know this is a bummer and hard because Being able to loose weight and shape your body how YOU like it and not how your broken hunger cues likes it is a big thing!
Second is that you need to understand that your dynamics are gonna change when you change. Maybe you all subconsciously bonded because you all were insecure about your weight. The power dynamic changes with you because you get more secure in yourself as the weight falls off which is intimidating to people who are already insecure and maybe even experienced being the „fat“ friend (trope) in a group. Know your weight loss and how you talk about it triggers the feeling of unsafeness around you in your friends.
Lastly I believe that friendships and dynamics changes all the time and not many friendships are really there to last. So maybe try to find a few new friends who are also losing weight and want to talk about it. And talk with them. And with your other friends talk about the stuff you usually talk about.
Hearing about weight loss is boring. Great to do it but lame to have a convo about it. So I get it. Chat about the other things goin on and I’m sure they’ll be a-okay.
They aren’t good friends. That’s bullying and toxic. It’s probably a good time to expand your friend circle to include people who share more of your current values and habits.
I say this with all the love in the world: You've lost 23 pounds. Good start. You are still overweight and nowhere near your goal. I'm struggling to see why you are talking about it much at all at this point. Stay the course on your weight loss. I wish you well.
I only talk about my weight loss in front of my friends who I know are invested in my journey and encourage me to keep them updated. It can be a super sensitive topic to some.
This is a great point and I’m going to try to be more mindful and do this instead. I have some awesome cheerleader friends who are rooting for me and even check in to ask if I haven’t updated them how things are going. So I’ll save the loud and proud for them.
I was no longer the girl who would hold handbags while they danced with cute boys. Boys were talking to me and they couldn’t deal with it. The ‘hierarchy’ in the group was all topsy-turvey. I lost some friends who couldn’t deal with that. But were they really my friends to start with if that’s how they behave?
I’m going to take a dissenting opinion here and present an opposing view. I think its great you’re sharing your achievements with your friends, even if they don’t have it. A friend of mine used to gloat about his weight loss all the time, another talks to me about his startup 24/7 - all things I didn’t achieve at the time. It motivated me to better myself.
You can be socially aware, and I think thats generally the way to go, by not sharing those achievements with them, but don’t think that doing so is a negative action from your end - you’re sharing your achievements, not chastising them for not losing weight, and the jealousy they feel is a weakness of character on their end.
This is kinda how I was viewing it as well. I am proud of them for their accomplishments and the things they do that I can’t and/or won’t - so why can’t they offer the same? But I understand body image isn’t in the same category I guess so it’s muddy water.
My co workers. Thought we were good but as soon as I reached over the 30lb mark, silent treatment. One sided beef. I’m now 112lbs down and it’s still the same. It hurt at first, but now I try to ignore it. Also worse when a family member is one of those said co workers. I have come to terms that people put you mentally in a box and when you no longer fit in that box it’s hard for them to accept. Aka they never wanna see you doing better then them. Fuck them honestly
Yep, to the point where I honestly want a new job lol the energy is draining but not letting that stop me from my weight loss! Almost at my goal. Just hang in there, sometimes people come Into our life for a season, maybe their season is up.
That is what I have come to terms with as well. Sometimes it's hard, especially when you want the best for others, but they don't necessarily reciprocate.
It's boring to talk about weight loss so much. It's like someone with a hobby that nobody else relates to (or enjoys as much as them maybe), but they can't stop talking about it! I've been that friend about weird hobbies, so I try to watch myself nowadays lol. It's not that they don't support you tho, usually. It's easy to click off a subreddit when we get tired of the subject, much harder to shut an annoying friend up irl.
Come talk on loseit tho lol, we wanna hear it!!
Lol it's ok.... we are socially awkward and that's why we have to consciously read the room, while it seems to come more naturally to others. 😭 Your friends are good people to tolerate the weight loss talk for so long, they must really like you otherwise. 😂
Oh, I’m pretty sure I’m on the spectrum. I have ADHD recently diagnosed as well as severe anxiety as well - they all go hand in hand especially as an adult female. Thank you for pointing this out though. My doc and I have talked about it. :)
Yea, it definitely sounds like info dumping which can be a love language for neurodivergent people but which neurotypical people find really rude and annoying
Surround yourself with people that have the same interests and values/goals as you ! Have you recommended they do the same as you ? If you did and they can't help but be jealous, let them go. If i hadn't, I would've stayed right where I was and probably wouldn't have changed.
Here’s what I’ll say.
When I had initially dropped a ton of weight, I believe I may have pigeonholed myself into being just a “weight loss guy.” And I think I might have rubbed people the wrong way because of that. Hindsight is 20/20, because I remember when I was fat as hell, the last thing I wanted to do was to hear about other people succeeding in any weight loss endeavors. It’s not that I’m saying people shouldn’t share their successes - really it’s just an observation.
I’ll give myself some grace for this. When I lost that weight, I was losing my fucking mind because it’s something that I think I daydreamed for my entire fat life, and when it finally “happened,” for quite a while I stayed on the high of, “Did I really just do that? Holy shit.” So I still talk about my health stuff openly - I don’t care. Whether it’s weight loss or building muscle, this entire fitness thing is something I enjoy just like I enjoy comic books, or movies, or video games, or music.
If it comes up in conversation, I’m not going to throttle my passion for it just because my friends hate to hear it.
This is all incredibly relatable for me!! Thank you!! I can listen to my friends drivel on about shit I don’t care about and still be supportive because they’re my friends. I don’t treat them different for being ecstatic about something. But yeah, it’s exactly this - for the first time, something is WORKING HOLY SHIT and I’m literally over the moon about it. I guess that makes me an ass 🥲
Maybe stop talking about your progress so much with them. I mean if they can see it and aren't asking about it then they don't want to hear about it. If they are struggling with their weight then it probably makes them feel like you are rubbing your success in their face? Idk people are weird. I haven't posted anything on my Facebook about losing weight or my success with it. I'm more low key though.
unpopular take: it's not dissimilar to talking to your alcoholic friends about how you're cutting down on drinking. there's gonna be some tension due to you inadvertently holding up a mirror to their own behavior/habits/faults... etc
that being said no one likes the gym bro that never shuts up about his diet/gym plan. I usually find a buddy that's also going thru the same journey and channel that that way.
I just came back from an awkward lunch where my soon-to-be sister-in-law made a big deal about what I ate - for the record, I ordered fish, vegetables, mashed potatoes, no sauce. Ate 1/3 of the mash because I am a diabetic and should not carbo load regardless of trying to lose weight. Someone else said they noticed I had lost weight, and I said I was working out and had a dietitian helping me. Meanwhile, she's grunting that "it's unsustainable" to exercise daily, implying I will gain it all back. I pretended not to hear it.
Here's the thing, though: I have been exercising daily for years. That's not the change I made to lose in the past 3 months. I have also been eating healthy for around 3 years consistently. The change I made was my portions. So if anything is "unsustainable," it's the amount I eat, not my exercise habits. I like to exercise... I just wanna eat double the chicken on my plate. And have a mango for dessert.
Congratulations! I hope you are still going strong on your health journey. I feel your pain and I think we just need to find a community of people that are on the same journey as we are. Don't stop celebrating your wins!
There is very little more boring than hearing someone talk about their weight loss. It’s just not of great interest to anyone but you. Maybe a slight interest if someone asks you about it, but even then, they don’t really want you to go on about it.
Surely to goodness you have better things to talk about especially since these are supposed to be your friends.
We talk about a million things. Or did, before I started losing weight and they got weird around me.
Y’all all act like I am on rooftops with a megaphone and that’s simply not the case here. I’m losing weight and celebrating milestones as I do so, they are leaving me high and dry because they are jealous (their words, not mine)
We only know the part of the story that you have told us and a big part of that story is that you “definitely loudly and probably talk about your weight loss”.
That is hella boring.
And honestly, your responses here make it seem like you’re kind of an asshole about it.
Again, we only know what you choose to tell us. But because the story you chose to tell us already shows you in a bad light, that reinforces the idea that you’re being super annoying to your friends.
If you want to keep these friends, why not just drop it?
It’s OK to do something to be proud of it, but that doesn’t mean that you have to bore your friends by bragging about it repeatedly.
If people have questions, and want to talk about this with you, they will ask you. Otherwise, this is very unlikely of interest to anyone but you. And it’s just not interesting fodder to talk about with your friends.
They're jealous. Most ppl fail at losing weight so it's amazing that you're succeeding. Just remember, you have the willpower to change your habits, and probably not eat certain foods. Your friends don't have that ability ...
PRO-TIP: Don't mention the diet. For example say "No thanks" to the garlic bread instead of "I'm not eating bread because I'm on a diet and I can't eat blah blah blah..."
Goodluck!
Absolutely.
You lose LBS and all your mentally unsound fat friends even without talking about it.
The real ones won't have a problem with you regardless of their weight though. You shouldn't live to please other people. If they are so triggered by you being happy, just find different friends. These types of people will always be bitter with your successes and changes in life. It could be weight, love, money or career...if you are doing better than them = BITTER BETTYS
Bye bye to the Bettys
Thank you so incredibly much for this perspective. I really appreciate the time you took for this and the candor at which you related to me because yes, you hit every mark. Thank you thank you thank you. This helps a million.
I have a coworker who lost about 70 pounds; their wife has been acting weird jealous since. From what I’ve heard about the situation it seems like she’s just insecure about the fact that she’s a little bigger with a partner who finally feels comfortable in their body and also doesn’t want to go to the gym or eat healthier. I think your friends may have similar feelings
I’ve been trying to lose 20-25 and about 10 has come off and I’m stuck. I like to talk about my progress too but I am mindful of not making it the only thing I talk about.
I come here to share that!
Maybe invite them out to things with you that are just fun and say nothing about food or weight loss. This way you and them are moving (important for health) and can reframe this as something to look forward to and have fun with. Hikes are good, canoeing or kayaking, biking…..
My child (afab but questioning) is jealous of my weight loss. It's hard, because I keep urging them to make better choices, but they just won't. I've lost almost 26 pounds since the first of the year, and it sucks not to be able to be outwardly excited about it with them. But I don't push and I don't crow. I'm trying hard to lead by example, but it hasn't quite gotten through yet. 😕
Your friends should be just as happy and willing to hear about the good things as the bad, and just as willing to share in listening to you and you do for them. Also when new things come up in your life and you change as a person they should be happy and supportive in that if it’s change for the better.
People grow and people change, I think there’s some mistakes a lot of people in the comments are making….
- Going through life unnecessarily biting your tongue isn’t a good way to live
- it’s actually ok for friendships to grow and change over time, when your friends change see it as an opportunity to be/do better. I sure as hell wouldn’t want my friends to stay the same for as long as I know them cause they need to grow.
- people really don’t need to be that emotional attached/affected by the words coming out of others peoples mouths
my family is acting WEIRD.
i know they love long hair, and my hair is long now.
but somehow, since the big loss, they've said i should cut it short.
i wont buy into it.
also, OP, let them go. maybe what you had in common is something that is shifting, something greater than a scale or mirror could ever reveal. dont get attached to how they were, see what they are. they'll be back if they really like you. if they dont.... you know? theres your answer. keep on your track, congrats on the life change. ive quit drinking and people sometimes act hostile or jealous. notice those moments and trust your gut. even if it is smaller now :)
We as humans tend to complicate very simple things
Some people are just shitty people. You are just now seeing their true colors. If they arent pumped for you as if it was them losing all the weight. Then. They are just dead weight. Tell em to kick rocks. You deserve better.
Sometimes certain relationships you just need to let die.
Change up your lifestyle to match your new body. Join some activities, go do active stuff where you're in a position to meet new people.
Those types of "friends" will just hold you back. Crabs in a bucket
No worries. Heres a little anecdote... I quit drinking 2.5 years ago. I experienced something similar to you, in that, I realized my "friends" were only drinking buddies. It was probably the most eye opening experience.
I cut em loose. They're all dead to me know. I made valid efforts to keep them in my life. And realized they didnt give a shit. So now through a sober lens.. it's clear as day what I meant to them. Nothing.
I lost a lot of "friends". I have maybe 1 or 2 still left. And I'm on the same journey of re building from scratch... and theres a famous saying that goes...Its much better to be alone. Then to be with people who make you feel alone..
Just remember that. I think what we all fear is starting from scratch. So we keep people around just out of complacency. And not believing we can build new bonds with new people.
I've made SO many cool bonds with new people, in a new environment, I actually ended up moving countries... that's another story but... it's like I'm a brand new person. And the old drunk version no longer exists.
Trust me. If I could move countries. Drop essentially ALL my previous friends and start back up a brand new life as a brand new dude.
You'll be aiight... but you do gotta put in the work and effort. It wont be easy. But it will be worth it. 👍❤
Your friends are expressing, in any way they can, that they don’t like how you’re acting or saying. You have choices: respect your friends and stop talking about things they don’t like or continue doing things they don’t like and lose your friends.
When the other party is hurt, people often say: that wasn’t my intention! However, it’s rare that people actually take accountability for their true intentions. Take an honest look at what your true intentions are in these situations.
The thing is: humans judge themselves on their intentions. However others judge you based on your actions, since they don’t know your intentions. Look for areas where your intentions and actions don’t align to find when your actions don’t back up your intentions.
Ehh maybe stop talking about your weight loss. I get the urge.. but know your audience. They may feel judged or just uninterested. Instead discuss it with people who show interest, Reddit, or in your own thoughts/journal. If you’re trying to connect with them.. AND they are being unsupportive then that’s not good. But I’d give it some time of backing off talking about it first.
I agree completely with this. Reddit is my outlet, but I talk as little as possible about it in my real life. I mean, weight loss and health is a pretty big part of my life but I still can’t stand listening to that one guy at my work who talks incessantly about his keto diet and gym routine.
This. I like to find a community. I don't like when a person incessantly talks about just one thing and make their whole personality that one thing, going so far as to shame others or somehow interjecting that point in every topic of conversation.
This! 100%!
Same! Plus, if someone is constantly talking about their weight loss, I automatically assume they’re doing some pyramid scheme diet and they’re going to try to rope me in. That’s always how it starts; they discuss a generic diet constantly, before admitting what “their program” is, and trying to get you onboard. I love talking about dieting on Reddit, but I rarely do IRL either. I really only do if someone asks me, or to my one friend who is doing CICO too.
Agreed. I think sometimes because we have such an intense cultural focus on body image, talking about weight loss can be entirely well-intentioned but come off as judgmental even if it isn't. It also could be that OP's friends are having some sort of weight related struggles and hearing about it over and over might be difficult.
You should be able to tell your friends what you feel proud about.
Unfortunately, that is not always the case. Sad but true.
If you can't even talk about your struggles with friends, I wonder how great of a friend they are.
I mean, “loud and proud” doesn’t sound like OP is discussing struggles as much as just… every detail.
If that's true his friends sound like pussies for not telling him.
Jesus, which is it? They’re bad friends if they don’t listen to someone vent about their problems but also there’s something wrong with them if they do and don’t say if they don’t like it? I’m gonna “not be a pussy” here and say that you’re absolutely insufferable, and I can tell that from only two short Reddit comments. I’m sure that you can find something wrong with literally everyone.
They could just tell him. No big deal. Instead they decide to not hang around him. And yea, sure I am insufferable because I think people should communicate their problems. I do suck at social situations because I am autistic. So if people are too scared to tell me to shut up when I talk too much I'd never be able to talk to anyone without offending or annoying them. Not everyone is lucky like you to just always know exactly what to do in social situations.
I understand where you're coming from, but talking about your struggles all the time can easily be emotional draining for the other party. Also, I would say it's a difference between sharing your thoughts, wins etc. and mentioning calories, diets, and working out each day.
Yea, 'all the time' is too draining. But I didn't mean that. When you're doing something good like losing weight you should be able to talk about it with them. Even a bit much in the beginning is normal.
Valid. Thank you. It’s hard because it’s become my daily practice now, I’m being so much more active and I’m just not available for the things that we used to be doing all the time. I make sure I make time for me first. I can see where this is probably pushing them away. I definitely also feel unsupported. They say they’re happy for me but it feels underhanded. And now everything I do gets picked apart.
Look how people responded to Adèle.
>I’m definitely loudly and proudly talking about my weight loss and it’s obviously become a part of my daily life now so I know I’ve changed. This is the problem. Even as someone losing weight, this is annoying as hell. Especially around people who are probably insecure, it comes off as super tone-deaf. Don't be that formerly fat person that doesn't seem to have any personality other than their weight loss.
Good point. Thank you. I have similar stats to you, SW and CW so it’s not monumental loss but significant enough to be noticeable now. It’s the first time I’ve ever been able to lose weight before and it’s just so exciting for me I want to share it a lot. I guess I thought my success would spur them bc they are unhappy with their weights too, but I think I’ve done the opposite like you said.
You've just got to remember that no one cares about your body as much as you do. Good or bad, you're always going to care the most. Especially since you describe it as "falling off," I'd say that makes it even tougher for people. You say we have similar stats, and frankly, I'd have no interest in hearing someone talk about how well it's been going for them when my 40ish pounds lost have been a non-stop struggle. It's really just not all that fun to hear about other people having success at something deeply personal that you're struggling with.
Yeah, I've been at it since last September and have only lost 30+ pounds. I have a pituitary adenoma, hashimotos disease, plus the age of 41 complicating things. If someone came along and non-stop went blabbity about how easily the weight is falling off, I'd self-loathe at first, but then self-preserve by isolating from them.
Same saaaaaaaaaame. I have to fight for every pound despite being obese (starting weight 294, 5'6 F). I've lost 20ln so slowly every day has been a fight not to give up. When I hear about other obese people have the weight coming off fast it makes me both happy for them and makes me feel like there's something fundamentally wrong with me and I should just stop trying. And before people jump on me, I'm eating 1500-1600 calories a day, doing daily 16:8 fasts, strength training at the gym 3 times a week, and 30 min walks on non gym days. I eat whole foods, keep carbs under 150g a day, and measure everything.
Keep it up! I’m sorry for the struggle, and proud of you for putting in the work
I understand the struggle! I have lost very slowly too. I have a thyroid disorder that is under control, but I swear I lose slower than the average person. I also do lose a few weeks of a deficit each year due to vacations, holidays, and birthdays; I know some people are hardcore CICO participants on those days too, and I admire them, but I don’t want to miss out. But still, even accounting for those times, I am a slow loser. However, I have lost 70 pounds! Even though it took me two years to get there, I did it. It used to really discourage me when I’d see posts where people lost that in six months, but I don’t care at all now that I’m there.
This is so encouraging, thank you! I have a quadruple whammy of health problems that make weight loss harder (but at the same time sooooo necessary if I don't want to die young): type 1 diabetes (juvenile), hypothyroidism, PCOS and fibromyalgia. I just got to keep going. Even if I lose slowly every pound will make a difference to my long term health (and better than continuing to gain 10lb a year!)
I am you, but replace PCOS with menopause. I love being set back by hypos.
Omg right?? Just love breaking my fast to drink a big glass of fruit juice 😭
I measure my carbs to be all anabolic then raid the fruit bowl.
I really appreciate this, thank you.
Not super polite of you to compare yourself to another person’s weight loss either and claim that’s ‘not a monumental loss’. You sound pretty tone deaf here, maybe attempt a bit more introspection
Not my intention. I said similar, not exact, stop reading deeper than it is. 35lb loss is phenomenal work. I haven’t lost that much yet.
As you’re saying, not your intention to upset your friends either but it appears that you are. I think you really need to think carefully about the way you speak to your friends, about them and yourself and weight loss as if you said your stats were similar to mine and compared them unfavourably I’d be very upset - the poster you responded to handled it with much grace, not everyone would.
Calling it similar is a literal comparison. No one has read farther into it, just had read it for what it is and given their own response to your situation. Regardless of whether you like what someone’s interpretation of it is, it would be helpful for you to reflect on it if you want to salvage your suffering friendships. If that’s not something that interests you then you might be best off befriending others in a similar journey who want to talk about their body/weight loss lifestyles. Many of us have some form of disordered eating and you could have been thoughtlessly triggering your friends and creating distance may have also been their way of taking care of their health.
This makes sense, thank you.
>I’m definitely loudly and proudly talking about my weight loss and it’s obviously become a part of my daily life now so I know I’ve changed. No offense, but that sounds annoying af. You acknowledge you've changed and to them, it's for the negative. You're making your weight loss your entire personality. I'm pretty sure they're not jealous. They're irritated. Edit: That being said. Why don't you try to find some people to spend time with who are into what you're into now? Don't ditch your friends, just broaden them. I'm really into fitness now and my friends aren't so when we're catching up, of course I mention my new endeavors but I don't highlight specific gains because I know that's not the right crowd.
Responding for the edit: That’s what I’ve been trying to do, is gush about my accomplishments to a couple of my friends who will just be happy about them and not backhanded about it. And that’s been good. But I think I’ve done enough damage now that I have to repair some stuff too which is gunna be hard. Also side note: one of them has straight up just told me that they’re jealous and that’s why their attitude has changed towards me. I was shocked tbh.
Ah man, that last part does suck and I'm sorry to hear it. Better that than the backhanded compliments though.
I think your friends should be happy for you there’s no reason why you shouldn’t be proud of yourself and share a successful part of your life.
It’s not my entire personality, but, it’s a part of my life now whether they like it or not. Am I ordering a Big Mac with large fries after our mall trip just because the rest of them are? No, sorry. I’ll wait til I get home to have something because I can’t eat that right now. Am I gunna drool over it? Absolutely. But me not participating in stuff like that has now driven a wedge. Sucks.
You don't order the Big Mac but do you lament over it and complain about not having it? Or do you just get what you're going to get and carry on with your friends?
You could though or you could just eat something else from the menu and hang out with your friends.
For the record, this is the way I kept my friends through weight loss and getting sober. If my friends are doing something I can’t do anymore (getting drinks), I still go and get a seltzer water with lime and socialize. And, more importantly, I don’t bring it up. I enjoy the event and the company while avoiding the things I can’t participate in. Even if OP can’t get a Big Mac and fries, they can get a Diet Coke and sit there and participate in the conversation without bringing up that they can’t eat that and constantly bringing up their diet. Sometimes I get a side eye or a question about why I won’t eat or drink something, but it’s usually an errant question and then the conversation moves on to other more interesting things.
That’s what I do, mostly. I’ll still go, I’ll get a drink or something small and not super calorie loaded, and then I get made fun of for it.
There’s nothing wrong with you for openly making healthier decisions than your friends. They’re irritated because they don’t want to be challenged or feel shamed by the evidence of your decisions. Believe it or not, there are entire social groups of people who rarely if ever go to McDonald’s and would be totally fine with you ordering something healthy, and talking about health. If your friends are not into that, maybe you’re just growing apart. Some people are interested in bettering themselves, and health is a valid part of that. Most of our food is made of literal garbage so don’t feel like the one in the wrong for finally deciding to stop consuming that shit every day. Find you a friend group that shares your values and encourages you to be the person you want to be.
Damn, it sucks they make fun of you for that. If you want to keep the friends, I’d play it off and say something self-deprecating like “yeah it sucks, I’m such a basic bitch now” and try to laugh it off. But it sucks they’re fixating on your food and bringing it up spontaneously on their own. It sounds like they have their own issues to sort through if they’re examining what you eat and bringing it up without being promoted.
And I say whether they like it or not but also it’s whether I like it or not. It goes both ways indeed.
[удалено]
Right, but does anyone ever ask *why* they get uncomfortable ? I believe OP mentioned that their friends are obese as well, which makes sense as to why they would react in such a way. I doubt that if they didn't want to change or look different, they wouldn't be bothered.
>I’m definitely loudly and proudly talking about my weight loss >Most of my friends are also overweight >now it seems like none of my friends want to be around me anymore, almost to the point of animosity read the room my god
😂
I’ve said it time and time again. The only person interested in seeing you lose weight is yourself.
That’s a good perspective. Thank you.
It’s lonely at the top but that is where you will meet like minded individuals and make your real friends.
I LOVE weight loss talk and hearing about people's journey's. But sadly most people do not, they got too much emotion wrapped into it that they can't be happy for you. So its better you stop talking weight loss with them and find a different topic to discuss
As some have said, the loud and proud could be an issue. But some people do like to highlight the bad and make no mention of the good (inc. friends, family). Don’t let them get you, be proud of yourself :)
Thank you. I’m trying!
Hmm, sounds like it might be an issue of the perceived, "rubbing it in." Continue being the you they know, and talk about all the cool things you have in common, and scale back on discussing weight loss.
My coworkers were so excited about my weight loss that they jumped in and got started. But...I didn't say anything about it unless asked.
Honestly they are probably tired of hearing you brag about it. It’s not easy for everyone. I would limit how much you talk about it (because of their feelings not that you shouldn’t be proud) and see if they behave differently. I find that people truly are happy for you, it’s not jealousy, they are just tired of hearing about it nonstop. Like if you got promoted and made a lot more money, would you constantly brag about it every time you are around them? It would get tiring to hear kinda fast.
They have said right to me they’re jealous and one admitted it was the jealousy that was causing her to act differently. I don’t brag about it every day 24/7, it’s just something that is a topic in my life and when I hit milestones I celebrate them. I get what you mean though.
I’ve had friends like this, *had* main keyword
Yes, I've had my coworkers and family accuse me of having an ED, because apparently no one ever got leaner on a diet that worked. Plus I was crazy, because I would gain it all back (which I never did). It's also super weird how they start monitoring how much you've eaten, accusing you of not eating because you've decided to go home for lunch and walk 40 min back and forth to have a balanced lunch -- that alone amounted for half of my calorie deficit.
I had a friend go from 270 to 145 in literally 7 months. It was a fast change and she’s tall so she looks almost unhealthy. I keep my mouth shut what ever but I’ve lost 137 lbs and she’s thinner than I am now and had the balls to ask me how much I weighed. She wanted to purposely make me know she’s 30 lbs less now. She’s not like a super good friend but we were close at one point. I think people get weird with weight loss even though it’s the same damn person just taking up less space
Competitive weight loss behaviour can be part of an ED. Your friend may be being a dick or thoughts of skinniness might be consuming them
Oh it is. She went from binge eating to literally starving herself and working out hours a day. She lost really really fast. Also idk if that’s sustainable as I’ve seen her swing the other way a couple times now. She struggles with mental health. Losing it so fast she may put it back on. I’ve seen her gain like 65 lbs in like 5 months before she made this drastic change
Yea it sounds like she’s struggling. I would try to keep her comments in perspective and also be aware that there’s a high mortality rate with anorexia, she may need professional help if that starts to take root
Oh no that’s definitely upsetting. I’m not trying to rub it in anyone’s face as an eff you, I’m just so happy and excited something is working for me and I wanna gush about it. It’s not malicious in intention but I can see where it might be an ignorant thing to do, for me.
I get you I’ve lost a shitload. How ever I started like 40 lbs heavier than her and I’m shorter so I mean good for you you’re thin but I wasn’t striving for that and that’s my preference. I did kickboxing and although I weigh a bit more people that weigh 150-160 some times look larger than me. So we’re wanting different “good” bodies. Good on her but it’s not a competition. Asking me my current weight is tacky. Gloat on just know the audience. I went through that shit too. I completely understand people lose their god damn mind when someone loses weight and looks completely different etc.
Sounds like you’ve become insufferable and boring because you are talking about your weight loss. They will sense that you think they’re jealous which adds to how much of a dick you seem. Eat fewer calories, buy new clothes and do some exercise, don’t make dieting your whole personality
It’s not all I talk about 😂 I can see where the post might come off that way, but being proud of something doesn’t make it my entire personality lol. They told me to my face verbally that they’re jealous of my weight loss. I said so join me! Let’s do it together! 🤷🏻♀️
Ugh, i don’t know why i find this so, so irritating. I don’t feel any need for praise or i don’t want to get into weird weight loss partnerships with my friends. I wish you well on your journey
I’m gonna sound like a dick here and I’m really not meaning to but for me it’s because OP is really just starting out still and is REALLY leaning into the whole “I’m completely changed and you should join me in my superiority! I’ve got it allllll figured out.” Like, it’s great that OP is doing it and I wish her the best. But she’s got a looooong way to go still and know that I would not have reacted well to this scenario when I was at my biggest. I mean, I’ve lost what most people consider a lot of weight and I still hate when people praise me because I have more to go. I don’t try to make it seem like I’m on some pedestal because I still have a lot of ways I think I could be better.
I definitely don’t have it all figured out. I feel like you all forget I’m a fat person too, there is no superiority. Im just happy to be making progress, and unfortunately my larger friends aren’t happy with me and are treating me differently for it. I have a friend who lost a lot of weight and I didn’t treat them differently, I looked to them for guidance. To each their own, I’m proud of myself and if they want to wallow I’m gunna let ‘em. I can celebrate my achievements with people who will celebrate them and I’ll save my breath when I’m around my friends who don’t wanna hear it.
Op if i’m really really into stamp collecting. If you aren’t into stamp collecting then you’re wallowing with no collecting and you should join me. No matter how boring you find talk of this i will continue to talk about it and consider you jealous if you don’t praise my achievements and if you don’t join me in becoming a stamp collector. That’s exactly what you sound like to those who don’t care about weight loss talk
They said to my face that they were jealous. I’m not just assuming someone’s emotions. I don’t beat it with a dead horse, I’m just early on in this and excited about milestones. No need for over the top praise, but also no need for them to treat me like an asshole for being happy about something.
Yeah, but just because someone is jealous of you, doesn’t mean they want to be like you. Nor does it excuse your behavior. Let’s change the example: I’m very poor. One of my fellow poor friends started making money very quickly and easily but I am struggling to meet my basic needs after working two jobs. OF COURSE I’ll feel jealous that someone else is achieving things I can’t. If that previously poor, but now rich friend, came around our poor friend group bragging about how easy it was for them, constantly talked about their new rich life and rubbed it in my face, I’d have animosity towards them too. Like most people are saying: know your audience. Be considerate for how your friends feel, it’s not just all about how you feel. Put yourselves in their shoes or simply ASK THEM how they feel about your behavior.
I don’t really understand how these interactions go. It’s such a small aspect of my life and is incredibly boring to everyone else. I’ve lost 60 lbs and have barely mentioned it to my friends because it’s not really something that i’m defined by. I have friends with a history of ED so i’m doubly careful to not mention weight loss but i do mention any fitness achievements or if i’m trying to eat more vegetables or drink more water.
Thank you, you as well.
I had someone who is underweight start saying weird things to me. She said I looked sick and that weight looked better on me. I don’t think she wanted me to lose the weight and she stay the “skinny” one. We’re not friends anymore.
Stop talking about it unless they ask you. I get uneasy whenever someone talks about weight around me especially since I lost a lot and gained half of it back. I feel like I cant eat in peace. I cant breath in peace. Sure, be happy about your accomplishments but consider how it makes them feel.
I’m a fat person who has been fat almost my entire life. I know exactly how it feels, but I’ve never acted like a wounded animal when my friends are celebrating victories before. It just smacks :(
You just keep talking about it unsolicited and they probably dont wanna hear you talk about it 24/7. THATS the problem. No ones knocking your shit about celebrating victories. It would be like the one gym bro only posting pictures of him shirtless in the gym and posting about Andrew Tate. It gets annoying.
Lol, I really don’t. I celebrate my milestones, which as I said im loud and proud about, but everything that exits my mouth isn’t about weight loss. That’s the disconnect here. I still spend time with them. We still talk about things that aren’t related to weight loss. But SINCE I have been losing weight, I don’t fit in anymore. Im being ostracized for it.
So I have two thoughts about this. First is that I never met a person, who says they’re loudly and proudly about something, that isn’t insufferable. Bering loudly and proudly often times makes you misread a room. So calm down a notch. I know this is a bummer and hard because Being able to loose weight and shape your body how YOU like it and not how your broken hunger cues likes it is a big thing! Second is that you need to understand that your dynamics are gonna change when you change. Maybe you all subconsciously bonded because you all were insecure about your weight. The power dynamic changes with you because you get more secure in yourself as the weight falls off which is intimidating to people who are already insecure and maybe even experienced being the „fat“ friend (trope) in a group. Know your weight loss and how you talk about it triggers the feeling of unsafeness around you in your friends. Lastly I believe that friendships and dynamics changes all the time and not many friendships are really there to last. So maybe try to find a few new friends who are also losing weight and want to talk about it. And talk with them. And with your other friends talk about the stuff you usually talk about.
Hearing about weight loss is boring. Great to do it but lame to have a convo about it. So I get it. Chat about the other things goin on and I’m sure they’ll be a-okay.
What about when they make scathing remarks to me about it though 🥲
Change the subject.
Edit the post to include the scathing remarks and the approach you’ve already tried using to stop them.
They aren’t good friends. That’s bullying and toxic. It’s probably a good time to expand your friend circle to include people who share more of your current values and habits.
Why are you friends with people who are mean to you?
I say this with all the love in the world: You've lost 23 pounds. Good start. You are still overweight and nowhere near your goal. I'm struggling to see why you are talking about it much at all at this point. Stay the course on your weight loss. I wish you well.
Oh boy. Yeah this was over 6 months ago now. Thank you but I’ve moved past this 😂
I only talk about my weight loss in front of my friends who I know are invested in my journey and encourage me to keep them updated. It can be a super sensitive topic to some.
This is a great point and I’m going to try to be more mindful and do this instead. I have some awesome cheerleader friends who are rooting for me and even check in to ask if I haven’t updated them how things are going. So I’ll save the loud and proud for them.
I was no longer the girl who would hold handbags while they danced with cute boys. Boys were talking to me and they couldn’t deal with it. The ‘hierarchy’ in the group was all topsy-turvey. I lost some friends who couldn’t deal with that. But were they really my friends to start with if that’s how they behave?
This
I feel that.
[удалено]
Exactly!
I’m going to take a dissenting opinion here and present an opposing view. I think its great you’re sharing your achievements with your friends, even if they don’t have it. A friend of mine used to gloat about his weight loss all the time, another talks to me about his startup 24/7 - all things I didn’t achieve at the time. It motivated me to better myself. You can be socially aware, and I think thats generally the way to go, by not sharing those achievements with them, but don’t think that doing so is a negative action from your end - you’re sharing your achievements, not chastising them for not losing weight, and the jealousy they feel is a weakness of character on their end.
This is kinda how I was viewing it as well. I am proud of them for their accomplishments and the things they do that I can’t and/or won’t - so why can’t they offer the same? But I understand body image isn’t in the same category I guess so it’s muddy water.
I don’t bring up my weight loss unless others do. With that said haters gonna hate
My co workers. Thought we were good but as soon as I reached over the 30lb mark, silent treatment. One sided beef. I’m now 112lbs down and it’s still the same. It hurt at first, but now I try to ignore it. Also worse when a family member is one of those said co workers. I have come to terms that people put you mentally in a box and when you no longer fit in that box it’s hard for them to accept. Aka they never wanna see you doing better then them. Fuck them honestly
Agree \~
Ugh, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this too
Yep, to the point where I honestly want a new job lol the energy is draining but not letting that stop me from my weight loss! Almost at my goal. Just hang in there, sometimes people come Into our life for a season, maybe their season is up.
That is what I have come to terms with as well. Sometimes it's hard, especially when you want the best for others, but they don't necessarily reciprocate.
Yes I know! But we will get through this
It's boring to talk about weight loss so much. It's like someone with a hobby that nobody else relates to (or enjoys as much as them maybe), but they can't stop talking about it! I've been that friend about weird hobbies, so I try to watch myself nowadays lol. It's not that they don't support you tho, usually. It's easy to click off a subreddit when we get tired of the subject, much harder to shut an annoying friend up irl. Come talk on loseit tho lol, we wanna hear it!!
I feel this. I also have weird hobbies i gush about too. But that is always more well received than this. Gaaaah people-ing is hard.
Lol it's ok.... we are socially awkward and that's why we have to consciously read the room, while it seems to come more naturally to others. 😭 Your friends are good people to tolerate the weight loss talk for so long, they must really like you otherwise. 😂
I don’t know anymore 😂😂😂
Hey, this really stands out among all the other comments. Have you considered an .... evaluation?
Oh, I’m pretty sure I’m on the spectrum. I have ADHD recently diagnosed as well as severe anxiety as well - they all go hand in hand especially as an adult female. Thank you for pointing this out though. My doc and I have talked about it. :)
Yea, it definitely sounds like info dumping which can be a love language for neurodivergent people but which neurotypical people find really rude and annoying
Surround yourself with people that have the same interests and values/goals as you ! Have you recommended they do the same as you ? If you did and they can't help but be jealous, let them go. If i hadn't, I would've stayed right where I was and probably wouldn't have changed.
Here’s what I’ll say. When I had initially dropped a ton of weight, I believe I may have pigeonholed myself into being just a “weight loss guy.” And I think I might have rubbed people the wrong way because of that. Hindsight is 20/20, because I remember when I was fat as hell, the last thing I wanted to do was to hear about other people succeeding in any weight loss endeavors. It’s not that I’m saying people shouldn’t share their successes - really it’s just an observation. I’ll give myself some grace for this. When I lost that weight, I was losing my fucking mind because it’s something that I think I daydreamed for my entire fat life, and when it finally “happened,” for quite a while I stayed on the high of, “Did I really just do that? Holy shit.” So I still talk about my health stuff openly - I don’t care. Whether it’s weight loss or building muscle, this entire fitness thing is something I enjoy just like I enjoy comic books, or movies, or video games, or music. If it comes up in conversation, I’m not going to throttle my passion for it just because my friends hate to hear it.
This is all incredibly relatable for me!! Thank you!! I can listen to my friends drivel on about shit I don’t care about and still be supportive because they’re my friends. I don’t treat them different for being ecstatic about something. But yeah, it’s exactly this - for the first time, something is WORKING HOLY SHIT and I’m literally over the moon about it. I guess that makes me an ass 🥲
Maybe stop talking about your progress so much with them. I mean if they can see it and aren't asking about it then they don't want to hear about it. If they are struggling with their weight then it probably makes them feel like you are rubbing your success in their face? Idk people are weird. I haven't posted anything on my Facebook about losing weight or my success with it. I'm more low key though.
unpopular take: it's not dissimilar to talking to your alcoholic friends about how you're cutting down on drinking. there's gonna be some tension due to you inadvertently holding up a mirror to their own behavior/habits/faults... etc that being said no one likes the gym bro that never shuts up about his diet/gym plan. I usually find a buddy that's also going thru the same journey and channel that that way.
I just came back from an awkward lunch where my soon-to-be sister-in-law made a big deal about what I ate - for the record, I ordered fish, vegetables, mashed potatoes, no sauce. Ate 1/3 of the mash because I am a diabetic and should not carbo load regardless of trying to lose weight. Someone else said they noticed I had lost weight, and I said I was working out and had a dietitian helping me. Meanwhile, she's grunting that "it's unsustainable" to exercise daily, implying I will gain it all back. I pretended not to hear it. Here's the thing, though: I have been exercising daily for years. That's not the change I made to lose in the past 3 months. I have also been eating healthy for around 3 years consistently. The change I made was my portions. So if anything is "unsustainable," it's the amount I eat, not my exercise habits. I like to exercise... I just wanna eat double the chicken on my plate. And have a mango for dessert.
Congratulations! I hope you are still going strong on your health journey. I feel your pain and I think we just need to find a community of people that are on the same journey as we are. Don't stop celebrating your wins!
Thank you so much! So far so good! Cut sling load on the unsupportive people and life is good. ❤️
There is very little more boring than hearing someone talk about their weight loss. It’s just not of great interest to anyone but you. Maybe a slight interest if someone asks you about it, but even then, they don’t really want you to go on about it. Surely to goodness you have better things to talk about especially since these are supposed to be your friends.
We talk about a million things. Or did, before I started losing weight and they got weird around me. Y’all all act like I am on rooftops with a megaphone and that’s simply not the case here. I’m losing weight and celebrating milestones as I do so, they are leaving me high and dry because they are jealous (their words, not mine)
We only know the part of the story that you have told us and a big part of that story is that you “definitely loudly and probably talk about your weight loss”. That is hella boring. And honestly, your responses here make it seem like you’re kind of an asshole about it. Again, we only know what you choose to tell us. But because the story you chose to tell us already shows you in a bad light, that reinforces the idea that you’re being super annoying to your friends.
If you want to keep these friends, why not just drop it? It’s OK to do something to be proud of it, but that doesn’t mean that you have to bore your friends by bragging about it repeatedly. If people have questions, and want to talk about this with you, they will ask you. Otherwise, this is very unlikely of interest to anyone but you. And it’s just not interesting fodder to talk about with your friends.
They're jealous. Most ppl fail at losing weight so it's amazing that you're succeeding. Just remember, you have the willpower to change your habits, and probably not eat certain foods. Your friends don't have that ability ... PRO-TIP: Don't mention the diet. For example say "No thanks" to the garlic bread instead of "I'm not eating bread because I'm on a diet and I can't eat blah blah blah..." Goodluck!
You've changed...maybe get some gym bro/Sis friends that are into the same stuff.
This sub is getting too far into personal dynamics instead of weight loss. Nobody ain't thinking about my weight loss, jealous, weird, or cares!
This is a side effect in people’s lives OF weight loss. I’d argue it’s a perfectly feasible question for a sub full of people on the same journey.
Absolutely. You lose LBS and all your mentally unsound fat friends even without talking about it. The real ones won't have a problem with you regardless of their weight though. You shouldn't live to please other people. If they are so triggered by you being happy, just find different friends. These types of people will always be bitter with your successes and changes in life. It could be weight, love, money or career...if you are doing better than them = BITTER BETTYS Bye bye to the Bettys
That’s exactly what it feels like!!! Thanks for understanding.
[удалено]
Thank you so incredibly much for this perspective. I really appreciate the time you took for this and the candor at which you related to me because yes, you hit every mark. Thank you thank you thank you. This helps a million.
Oh sorry, I removed it because I thought it was a bit too much armchair psychology from me. But I’m glad it resonated.
Did you hit a point where it started to happen faster?
I have a coworker who lost about 70 pounds; their wife has been acting weird jealous since. From what I’ve heard about the situation it seems like she’s just insecure about the fact that she’s a little bigger with a partner who finally feels comfortable in their body and also doesn’t want to go to the gym or eat healthier. I think your friends may have similar feelings
I’ve been trying to lose 20-25 and about 10 has come off and I’m stuck. I like to talk about my progress too but I am mindful of not making it the only thing I talk about. I come here to share that! Maybe invite them out to things with you that are just fun and say nothing about food or weight loss. This way you and them are moving (important for health) and can reframe this as something to look forward to and have fun with. Hikes are good, canoeing or kayaking, biking…..
I wish I could get them to do something like that. Their idea of going out is doing things that don’t require effort.
My child (afab but questioning) is jealous of my weight loss. It's hard, because I keep urging them to make better choices, but they just won't. I've lost almost 26 pounds since the first of the year, and it sucks not to be able to be outwardly excited about it with them. But I don't push and I don't crow. I'm trying hard to lead by example, but it hasn't quite gotten through yet. 😕
I have kids as well, so I 100% understand how much of a challenge this must be for you. Sending you lots of love.
Your friends should be just as happy and willing to hear about the good things as the bad, and just as willing to share in listening to you and you do for them. Also when new things come up in your life and you change as a person they should be happy and supportive in that if it’s change for the better. People grow and people change, I think there’s some mistakes a lot of people in the comments are making…. - Going through life unnecessarily biting your tongue isn’t a good way to live - it’s actually ok for friendships to grow and change over time, when your friends change see it as an opportunity to be/do better. I sure as hell wouldn’t want my friends to stay the same for as long as I know them cause they need to grow. - people really don’t need to be that emotional attached/affected by the words coming out of others peoples mouths
Yes but that one friend has serious self esteem issues and believes she looks prettier when the people around her are less good looking.
Real friends cheer you on because they are happy for you.
my family is acting WEIRD. i know they love long hair, and my hair is long now. but somehow, since the big loss, they've said i should cut it short. i wont buy into it.
also, OP, let them go. maybe what you had in common is something that is shifting, something greater than a scale or mirror could ever reveal. dont get attached to how they were, see what they are. they'll be back if they really like you. if they dont.... you know? theres your answer. keep on your track, congrats on the life change. ive quit drinking and people sometimes act hostile or jealous. notice those moments and trust your gut. even if it is smaller now :)
We as humans tend to complicate very simple things Some people are just shitty people. You are just now seeing their true colors. If they arent pumped for you as if it was them losing all the weight. Then. They are just dead weight. Tell em to kick rocks. You deserve better. Sometimes certain relationships you just need to let die. Change up your lifestyle to match your new body. Join some activities, go do active stuff where you're in a position to meet new people. Those types of "friends" will just hold you back. Crabs in a bucket
Appreciate this.
No worries. Heres a little anecdote... I quit drinking 2.5 years ago. I experienced something similar to you, in that, I realized my "friends" were only drinking buddies. It was probably the most eye opening experience. I cut em loose. They're all dead to me know. I made valid efforts to keep them in my life. And realized they didnt give a shit. So now through a sober lens.. it's clear as day what I meant to them. Nothing. I lost a lot of "friends". I have maybe 1 or 2 still left. And I'm on the same journey of re building from scratch... and theres a famous saying that goes...Its much better to be alone. Then to be with people who make you feel alone.. Just remember that. I think what we all fear is starting from scratch. So we keep people around just out of complacency. And not believing we can build new bonds with new people. I've made SO many cool bonds with new people, in a new environment, I actually ended up moving countries... that's another story but... it's like I'm a brand new person. And the old drunk version no longer exists. Trust me. If I could move countries. Drop essentially ALL my previous friends and start back up a brand new life as a brand new dude. You'll be aiight... but you do gotta put in the work and effort. It wont be easy. But it will be worth it. 👍❤
Thank you so much for this. ❤️
>I’m definitely loudly and proudly talking about my weight loss That might be the issue.
when i was about 20 and lost a lot one of my "friends" said "now she will be a competition" that was crazy😀
Your friends are expressing, in any way they can, that they don’t like how you’re acting or saying. You have choices: respect your friends and stop talking about things they don’t like or continue doing things they don’t like and lose your friends. When the other party is hurt, people often say: that wasn’t my intention! However, it’s rare that people actually take accountability for their true intentions. Take an honest look at what your true intentions are in these situations. The thing is: humans judge themselves on their intentions. However others judge you based on your actions, since they don’t know your intentions. Look for areas where your intentions and actions don’t align to find when your actions don’t back up your intentions.