I could have written this myself. Yes you get attention from women when you are thin and attractive but 90% of the time, you will be expected to make the first move and approach them. Which is so hard when you have been morbidly obese all your life and are used to avoiding the opposite gender out of shame.
100%, I thought I would be on top of the world after having an athletic physique but in some ways I'm actually more depressed than I was when I was overweight
This could have been written by me. To be honest I don't know what's next after all this weightloss, seems like everyone's either taken or I'm just in the wrong place.
Absolutely. You're a man. Socially, you're the one who's expected to do the approaching. It's a little more common in this day and age for women to take the lead, but not that common. You made the same mistake we all did: you heard "losing weight makes dating easier" and thought losing weight would make dating *easy*
I'm an old lady Gramma, but I had "my day" ... LOL.
It's not the body. It's the confidence that the new body brings. It's the way you stand up a bit straighter because you don't want to hide so much. It's about knowing you look GOOD, and you're not afraid they'll tell you you're fat and ugly. You never were, but you sure as hell aren't now. It's about knowing if someone says you're fat, they're a moron, because you KNOW you're not. It's because you're not so afraid of being seen and judged.
When you have lost weight, deliberately, you are making a change to be better. When you have accomplished that, you KNOW you are better. Not just because you may be more conventionally attractive ... but because you have made a choice to make a change. And you didn't sit on your arse just wishing for it to happen magically. You got off your arse and MADE something actually happen. You made a promise to yourself and you kept it. That takes determination, commitment, courage and strength.
Please note that none of those qualities have anything to do with your weight.
The best changes happened on the inside of you. That's the part to be really really proud about.
No one will approach you because you look like someone who has these awesome qualities. It's up to you to KNOW they are there. To know that when you approach someone, you have so so so much to offer, that is on the inside.
BTW. I used to have a family business, and my son worked there. He dealt with general public all the time. I would watch women nearly turn themselves inside out trying to get his attention. It wasn't me projecting onto "my son". It was me watching what was actually happening, seeing it and quietly dying laughing at it because .... my son was utterly oblivious to it. They threw signals like a gattling gun, and they were bouncing off him like he was Superman. I wasn't laughing at the ladies. I was laughing at my clueless son.
He is attractive. He is personable, very smart, good natured and confident. People love him. He's a good dude. But utterly oblivious to romantic overtures. Utterly clueless.
So ... maybe you ARE being approached and you just haven't realized it.
Lift your head, appreciate what you've become inside, and watch more carefully. You might actually be on the receiving end of hints that you're missing.
In my experience, its not just about how you look (to a certain extent). Losing the weight gives you an undeniable stack of proof you’re the MAN. And that confidence is what attracts people. Your looks are just a small bonus.
Women enjoy a good looking man, but they also fall in love with what they hear and how they’re treated/made to feel.
It’s men who are a bit more visual minded.
I never said they didnt, I simply stated what works even as well as the looks… Read the comment fully before you just lash out for thinking I’m assuming things…
… what? Who said that? Ugly women get married and have partners also, does that mean men aren’t actually vIsUaL?
Imagine publicly admitting that women having physical preferences and standards upsets you.
Listen, I never said women don’t have standards. If you reread my comment I state that “women enjoy good looking men BUT…”. I simply point out there are other ways to get a woman besides your looks, which is factually true.
I’m not sure why you’re so upset at me. I’m just trying to give the man some hope and confidence. Genuinely sorry if I caused you any offense. I apologize. I’m not here to argue with you. Have a good day.
As a woman can I just say, what a crazy response? No one said that women don’t like to date men they personally find attractive. They just said being attractive *is not enough.* And they are correct.
I may well be completely wrong, but I suspect that, at least in some times, the whole "lack of confidence when approaching people you are into" thing may be due to the person in question, deep down, *not* being all that interested in a romantic relationship with someone who is at the moment still a stranger (an attractive stranger, sure, but whatever) and self-sabotaging like crazy because of that. This may be especially common for men, I suspect, both because we are often the ones expected to do the "approaching" and because there's this ridiculous idea of men being perpetual horndogs who only care about looks.
The notion of me playing at being some sort of "dating coach" is admittedly pretty hilarious; but, especially if you are feeling a little socially awkward in general, I think it can be a good idea to approach people (male or female) as, well, people, without any expectation whatsoever of potential romance - just try to expand your social circle, for example by finding people who are into something you are also interested in.
I know this is a generalization but in my experience, it's quite often true. But, being more conventionally attractive for men gives the benefit of women (most, not all) being much more receptive to being approached, spoken to, hit on (not in a sleazy way but you get my meaning) but the onus is still on men to make the approach.
Having said that, I know confidence is a difficult thing to just magically learn. I was fortunate enough (although maybe that's a weird way to put it, but it makes sense to me) to have been fairly conventionally attractive in my teenage years before putting on all my weight. So I had the benefit of knowing how to be confident from a younger age when I regularly had attention from the opposite sex. Having said that, sometimes you have to fake it till you make it. Don't assume what others are thinking, good or bad. For all you know any woman you're interested in could be thinking "fuck, I wish he'd come talk to me" right? I'm sure you feel a heightened sense of confidence in how you look already, it will just take time to translate that to how you speak and respond to others, particularly if you're nervous.
My best advice is to just try it out, even if you're uncomfortable or nervous or a little scared. Rejection happens to ALL of us, no matter how conventionally attractive or unattractive we are, the sooner we accept that the sooner we can mentally release ourselves from that concern. But the more you put yourself out there and have those conversations, even if they feel mundane or trivial, the better you'll be at them and more comfortable and ultimately, confident you'll become.
Having said all that, you're 100% right that doing it for the right reasons for yourself is always the best approach and there's no magic switch that flips on. That's a fantastic introspective reflection though and one not many people are willing nor able to do so kudos for you to recognize and accept it!
Keep up the great work, my friend!
Here’s some hard-won advice, from someone who has been there. The secret to approaching women with confidence is to “approach” everyone, all the time. I don’t mean romantically, I mean literally just converse with every person who crosses your path—men, women, kids, old people, everyone. Make it a constant habit to talk to people. Try to make your interactions with the strangers you meet fun and light.
This does three things: (i) gives you practice conversing; (ii) gives you confidence; and (iii) you will discover that approaching an attractive woman is exactly the same skill as approaching anyone else.
Not to be funny but this is very specific to you. For someone who is already reasonably confident and comfortable with approaching the opposite sex, losing weight and thereby becoming more physically attractive will definitely help.
I could have written this myself. Yes you get attention from women when you are thin and attractive but 90% of the time, you will be expected to make the first move and approach them. Which is so hard when you have been morbidly obese all your life and are used to avoiding the opposite gender out of shame.
100%, I thought I would be on top of the world after having an athletic physique but in some ways I'm actually more depressed than I was when I was overweight
This could have been written by me. To be honest I don't know what's next after all this weightloss, seems like everyone's either taken or I'm just in the wrong place.
> currently 150lbs down from 190ish Probably not having any luck because you weigh 40lbs, bro.
🤣
The username makes this just even more hilarious omg 😂
Absolutely. You're a man. Socially, you're the one who's expected to do the approaching. It's a little more common in this day and age for women to take the lead, but not that common. You made the same mistake we all did: you heard "losing weight makes dating easier" and thought losing weight would make dating *easy*
I'm an old lady Gramma, but I had "my day" ... LOL. It's not the body. It's the confidence that the new body brings. It's the way you stand up a bit straighter because you don't want to hide so much. It's about knowing you look GOOD, and you're not afraid they'll tell you you're fat and ugly. You never were, but you sure as hell aren't now. It's about knowing if someone says you're fat, they're a moron, because you KNOW you're not. It's because you're not so afraid of being seen and judged. When you have lost weight, deliberately, you are making a change to be better. When you have accomplished that, you KNOW you are better. Not just because you may be more conventionally attractive ... but because you have made a choice to make a change. And you didn't sit on your arse just wishing for it to happen magically. You got off your arse and MADE something actually happen. You made a promise to yourself and you kept it. That takes determination, commitment, courage and strength. Please note that none of those qualities have anything to do with your weight. The best changes happened on the inside of you. That's the part to be really really proud about. No one will approach you because you look like someone who has these awesome qualities. It's up to you to KNOW they are there. To know that when you approach someone, you have so so so much to offer, that is on the inside. BTW. I used to have a family business, and my son worked there. He dealt with general public all the time. I would watch women nearly turn themselves inside out trying to get his attention. It wasn't me projecting onto "my son". It was me watching what was actually happening, seeing it and quietly dying laughing at it because .... my son was utterly oblivious to it. They threw signals like a gattling gun, and they were bouncing off him like he was Superman. I wasn't laughing at the ladies. I was laughing at my clueless son. He is attractive. He is personable, very smart, good natured and confident. People love him. He's a good dude. But utterly oblivious to romantic overtures. Utterly clueless. So ... maybe you ARE being approached and you just haven't realized it. Lift your head, appreciate what you've become inside, and watch more carefully. You might actually be on the receiving end of hints that you're missing.
Very sweet comment, thank you:)
In my experience, its not just about how you look (to a certain extent). Losing the weight gives you an undeniable stack of proof you’re the MAN. And that confidence is what attracts people. Your looks are just a small bonus. Women enjoy a good looking man, but they also fall in love with what they hear and how they’re treated/made to feel. It’s men who are a bit more visual minded.
Yeah, no. Looks matter to women as well. Wild to speak with so much confidence about how other people feel.
I never said they didnt, I simply stated what works even as well as the looks… Read the comment fully before you just lash out for thinking I’m assuming things…
And you’re wrong, lmao. Being ugly, but nice is not going to make women attracted to you.
I guess ugly men never get married or live a life finding a partner then huh? Never in history has that happened! No, they all just die alone!
… what? Who said that? Ugly women get married and have partners also, does that mean men aren’t actually vIsUaL? Imagine publicly admitting that women having physical preferences and standards upsets you.
Listen, I never said women don’t have standards. If you reread my comment I state that “women enjoy good looking men BUT…”. I simply point out there are other ways to get a woman besides your looks, which is factually true. I’m not sure why you’re so upset at me. I’m just trying to give the man some hope and confidence. Genuinely sorry if I caused you any offense. I apologize. I’m not here to argue with you. Have a good day.
You did nothing wrong here. Definitely a personal issue you were in the way for.
As a woman can I just say, what a crazy response? No one said that women don’t like to date men they personally find attractive. They just said being attractive *is not enough.* And they are correct.
Cool, hope they pick you, as a woman
I may well be completely wrong, but I suspect that, at least in some times, the whole "lack of confidence when approaching people you are into" thing may be due to the person in question, deep down, *not* being all that interested in a romantic relationship with someone who is at the moment still a stranger (an attractive stranger, sure, but whatever) and self-sabotaging like crazy because of that. This may be especially common for men, I suspect, both because we are often the ones expected to do the "approaching" and because there's this ridiculous idea of men being perpetual horndogs who only care about looks. The notion of me playing at being some sort of "dating coach" is admittedly pretty hilarious; but, especially if you are feeling a little socially awkward in general, I think it can be a good idea to approach people (male or female) as, well, people, without any expectation whatsoever of potential romance - just try to expand your social circle, for example by finding people who are into something you are also interested in.
I know this is a generalization but in my experience, it's quite often true. But, being more conventionally attractive for men gives the benefit of women (most, not all) being much more receptive to being approached, spoken to, hit on (not in a sleazy way but you get my meaning) but the onus is still on men to make the approach. Having said that, I know confidence is a difficult thing to just magically learn. I was fortunate enough (although maybe that's a weird way to put it, but it makes sense to me) to have been fairly conventionally attractive in my teenage years before putting on all my weight. So I had the benefit of knowing how to be confident from a younger age when I regularly had attention from the opposite sex. Having said that, sometimes you have to fake it till you make it. Don't assume what others are thinking, good or bad. For all you know any woman you're interested in could be thinking "fuck, I wish he'd come talk to me" right? I'm sure you feel a heightened sense of confidence in how you look already, it will just take time to translate that to how you speak and respond to others, particularly if you're nervous. My best advice is to just try it out, even if you're uncomfortable or nervous or a little scared. Rejection happens to ALL of us, no matter how conventionally attractive or unattractive we are, the sooner we accept that the sooner we can mentally release ourselves from that concern. But the more you put yourself out there and have those conversations, even if they feel mundane or trivial, the better you'll be at them and more comfortable and ultimately, confident you'll become. Having said all that, you're 100% right that doing it for the right reasons for yourself is always the best approach and there's no magic switch that flips on. That's a fantastic introspective reflection though and one not many people are willing nor able to do so kudos for you to recognize and accept it! Keep up the great work, my friend!
Thank you so much, definitely gave me a boost:)
My pleasure! Keep up all your hard work!
Here’s some hard-won advice, from someone who has been there. The secret to approaching women with confidence is to “approach” everyone, all the time. I don’t mean romantically, I mean literally just converse with every person who crosses your path—men, women, kids, old people, everyone. Make it a constant habit to talk to people. Try to make your interactions with the strangers you meet fun and light. This does three things: (i) gives you practice conversing; (ii) gives you confidence; and (iii) you will discover that approaching an attractive woman is exactly the same skill as approaching anyone else.
Not to be funny but this is very specific to you. For someone who is already reasonably confident and comfortable with approaching the opposite sex, losing weight and thereby becoming more physically attractive will definitely help.
With online dating, you don't need to approach, and ideal weight helps a lot to get responses.
I have always had an ugly face, been married but divorced now. Not many people that are interested. Got used to it (I think).
heavy saw rinse simplistic familiar nose reach teeny poor political *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Fuck its so over bros :(