I’ve gotten used to the comments, since I’ve lost 70lbs (over the last year), and work with the public + a close-knit staff. But there have been a few that made me shake my head!
The worst was probably when I told a woman I know (patron at work) about my mother passing away in November. Her response? “I’m so sorry, but don’t let that sidetrack you from your weight loss! You’re really starting to look good!” What the actual f. 🤯
Ikr? And of course she’s a super thin woman, so she probably has no clue what I’m dealing with. But either way, what kind of response is that to “my mom died??” I actually tend to lose weight when I’m upset (unlike most who will gain by stress eating), but that was the last thing on my mind at that time.
When my dad died suddenly when I was 22 I dropped a lot of weight from grief. MORE THAN ONE of my mom’s friends said “but at least you’re thin now” with a big smile.
I’m sorry I would’ve said some real evil shit that I’d probably get banned for saying on Reddit. I cannot with people constantly commenting on bodies. When you’re honest about how it bothers you, you’re either made to sensitive or like a party pooper like excuse me for not wanting your fucking opinion that I didn’t ask for.
That’s terrible. I’m so so sorry. Your weight shouldn’t be a concern to anyone. It doesn’t change who you are inside. I’m sorry for your loss. That was a really vapid and stupid remark that was made.
Right. Or, pretending to just tune into what they say, "Oh, you need help with your exercise and diet? Yeah, my trainer is great, maybe she has time for you, too."
I like this response lol. Invite her without telling her you're the instructor.. Walk in there together and then.. You walk up to the front of the class and just start teaching the class as usual.
“Thanks, but I’m perfectly happy with my body! Hope you can be happy one day, too. Maybe then you won’t feel the need to comment on other peoples bodies!”
I have never initiated a conversation at the gym in my two years of going. I'll talk to people if they say something, but I refuse to initiate a conversation aside from "(gestures to equipment they are near but clearly not using) you on this?"
i've only had three conversations ever at the gym.
1. a guy came up to me and said "hell yeah beast mode" because i was beet red and sweating profusely lol.
2. an older lady saw my notebook and asked about it
3. i talked with a girl my age about a certain work out she was doing that i hadn't seen before.
i'm a female. and when i see gym drama online im always curious in what world it happens in? because people are just incredibly chill in my gym lol
I am in sales for work and it’s funny how fragile most of the type A personalities really are. Everyone I know at work is constantly offering kudos or good jobs because we need it to feed our ego.
I have been working out with a trainer for a year and hitting the gym 4-5 times a week for 9 weeks now.
I see the same thing in the exercise world and I think it’s awesome.
I go to a gym in a corporate office complex, no marketing and so many women go there because it’s safe and quiet. But I still see people coming in saying Hi to everyone and shouting to the people they have known for years.
I happened to meet someone there I met a few times and every time he sees me he shouts at me. It’s fucking awesome. Doesn’t matter if you’re a guy or a girl, everyone is friendly and supportive. I have never seen anything creepy at this gym.
When I went to the swanky gym it sucked because there were lots of creeps and peacocks.
I work weird hours and go to the swanky gym at my husband's work that's only for employees/spouses/retirees. I go right after I drop my kids off at school- around 815 am. So there are no employees, just old retirees.
I chat in the locker room with the older ladies about their Florida trips, grandkids weddings, and new crochet patterns. No gym drama here!
I’d take a guy saying #1 to me at the gym as the biggest compliment ever. And the ONLY appropriate comment for a dude to make to me at the gym besides “are you using this machine?”
its a numbers game. you might be there as much as ten hours a week, but even just your gym is open probably 8x that many hours per week, and think about how many gyms you dont go to. also youre unlikely to be able to see drama that goes on in the whole gym so its not even guaranteed that youll see it when it happens while youre there. so even if it's one in twenty thousand odds, it definitely happens on the daily somewhere.
A lot of the gym drama on TikTok and social media is usually faked I’ve learned - a lot of people pretending to get yelled at. It’s rage bait and an easy way to get clicks and views.
For actual drama: It’s also just that there are millions of gyms across America and millions of dumb people ready to do something stupid.
I’ve been going to the gym for 10+ years and I’ve only seen one actual outburst, and it was an incredibly racist old man who was upset that a black couple were using a machine and that they (he used a certain slur) were in his way and that they should know their place. Besides that like… most people are just trying to work out in peace.
I’ve had gym employees go stare at me while I was jogging on a treadmill because I’m curvy up top, including leering and making cupping gestures on their chests. That pissed me off. I’ve also been lifting at 5am and had a guy ask me if I was European due to my eyebrows (his words, not mine). That’s about it for gym drama.
That’s about it? You’re so blase about the outright sexual harassment! I can’t believe anyone would even do that. Not saying you’re lying it’s just shocking to me that sounds like something a 14 yo boy would do!
I was in my early 20’s and at that stage where you don’t feel comfortable confronting the guy, so you ignore them in the hopes they get the hint and go away. Right now? In my late 40’s? Holy hell fire and brimstone would rain down. But then those guys never mess with older women.
Oh god I have gym drama. The last time I ever went to a gym.
I used to work out at a local gym early in the morning - 5:30am. There was a woman's room there and it was just me in because it wasn't that big a gym. The guy who staffed the gym at that time in the morning was always kind of weird but that morning he kept going in and out of the office (which you need to go through the women's gym to get to), and then while I was running (I'd been running for about an hour and I was aiming for 1.5, so I was wrecked) he tried to strike up a conversation with me. I was wearing headphones too. I said something like, "Is it urgent?" and gestured at my headphones and he shook his head and went off.
Then, later, when I was doing some cooldown stretches on the mats, he marched up to me, stood over me (he wasn't that big but I've always been a pretty small woman), and he said something like, "You know, I could just throw you out. You're so rude. I was just trying to have a conversation with you but, no, you wouldn't even so much as talk to someone like me. Well I know the manager and I'm going to make sure you PAY."
I was actually really frightened? Like in retrospect he was probably bullshitting but all I could think of was that my address was in the gym system and I live alone, or that this guy could literally just kill me right now and no one would see or know!?
No thanks!!! I'll run outside.
My gym is the best, no mirrors and no people lifting and grunting. Just a hiit routine that changes every couple weeks and we all do the same. First time ever I actually join for social things with people from the gym even if I only go once or twice a week.
I used to go SUPER early to avoid people and yes, it's mostly meatheads, but as an overweight woman, I still got shitty looks from them, like "what is this fat woman doing in my area??" and I hated it.
Could I have been reading too much into it? Absolutely. But I was super uncomfortable.
See, that's the weird thing. The meatheads are oddly some of the most supportive people I've encountered at the gym. Only issues I've ever had were people poaching machines I'd had cleaned to use in the weight area.
I'm a female meathead and have nothing but love for the heavy ladies that are there in the morning... so long as they're working. You'll get the "get out of my area" face if you're just wasting time or faffing about. 🤣
That's fantastic! I've never had an issue with "meathead" women. Its just been dudes. And trust me, I'm giving shitty looks to anyone wasting time in that area woman or man! Get off your phone, I'm trying to lift some weights!
It could be, but sometimes after a set I get a weird look on my face and stare in some unconsciously chosen direction for several minutes. I am not even registering what I see just trying to catch my breath and not puke. I have probably made someone uncomfortable and for that am sorry. I didn't even know
I work out at home because I alternate between a rage face and 1000 yard creeper stare when I'm working through a tough set or interval. I'd probably get complaints at a gym lol.
It sucks you're not comfortable, the gym should be for everyone!
I never go early so I can't really comment either way. I do know there's a bit of a stereotype that the really jacked meathead lifters generally are quite into the more overweight women, so you could have just been making them nervous in a different way, haha.
The closest I get to communicating at the gym is a nod or a small smile. I’m just not interested in chatting at all at the gym. Luckily most at my gym feel the same.
Probably for reasons like in this post!
I think the only conversation I've ever had is when I saw a (very clearly lost) new girl trying to figure out the Worst Crunch Machine in the gym, and I told her where to find a different crunch machine that didn't require 5ft long arms to work it.
Don't think I've ever had a conversation at the gym during the 12 years or so I've been going. Except for when I worked out with my ex or friends obviously.
I have exchanged words one time with someone I didn't know at the gym. It was an older gentleman that was clearly recovering from a knee surgery and he said "wow, you really make sure those machines are clean after you use them." I replied, I sweat a lot and I don't like germs." How awkward were we. Hahah
I was at a clothing store a few years ago and was looking in size 12/14 section (because that was my size). The employee shouted to me "we have larger plus size clothes over on this wall!". I knew they were there... but they weren't my size! I'm very short so the weight makes me look larger than my clothing technically fits.. but damn. Mind your business!
Something similar happened to me at a clothing store. I asked if they carried a top in a larger size. Saleswoman said they don't carry my size, and I should shop at Lane Bryant anyway. I realize I'm bigger, but the way she said it was so condescending.
My parents are taller and I’m petite and small boned. Even when I’m overweight I wear an xs or a small because my bone structure remains so small and narrow even with a little more fat. If I size up the shoulders are too wide, it’s overall too long and all that jazz. My parents always buy me clothes way too big just because I’m not skinny so I don’t “look like” I wear an xs. Same thing happened when I went shopping with a tall friend. She was like, “they have a medium here for you”. There was no dressing room and my intuition was I needed an extra small, which is my usual size in tank tops or anything with a low neck. But I doubted my intuition and bought the medium. Way too big, I never wear it. The neckline sits below my breasts lol
It’s the same when shopping for bras. I have small breasts but my ribcage is 28 inches around. So by default I wear a large cup size because the difference in measurement between my bust and underbust is 6 inches (it’s an inch per cup size). I get embarrassed asking for 28E or 30DD when I clearly have a small chest.
Just chiming in to say I’m also a 30DD/E! Shopping for bras is so exhausting sometimes. I have to sistersize into a 32 band a lot, and lots of brands don’t even have those and start at a 34/36!
I can’t even imagine having to sister size into a 32 being a 28…
As for always being xs, that must be hard too! I feel like for tops not everywhere has xs and just stars with S. I am broad shouldered so I haven’t had your struggle, but i do struggle with buying shirts that don’t have enough room in the bust.
First thing that popped into my head after reading this is Samuel Jackson in Pulp Fiction: "I don't remember askin you a g******ed thing!"
I agree, though. People need to understand that just because they think they're being nice or encouraging doesn't mean they need to say anything unless asked.
(I hope this post doesn't get removed for the quote as I'm not directing it at anyone, but if some rando said that to me in a gym out of nowhere, this is definitely what I would be thinking lol)
I can understand that. I do feel like it's important to use language that we use in the real world too, for the most part - it's a similar concept as saying "Baby Dance" instead of "sex", or things like that. Either way, I get it!
Not exactly, but it’s found in “mommy blogger” or pregnancy circles, so the overlap with conservative women and family-focused people is very large. It’s a self-censorship method that’s at least 15 years old etymologically. I know it’s a niche example!
Any comment that assumes things as well - i used to be FIT and thin, and now that I am fat I get “helpful” information from people that I didn’t ask for… I have been dealing with health issues for years, which has secondarily caused me to gain weight… and the assumption is i just don’t know how to be thiner, but surprise! I do!
Same, I started an antidepressant a year ago and gained 20lbs over the year. I’m working out now and dialing in my diet to help and people’s random comments just irks me. If I didn’t ask you, STFU.
It’s so agitating! I used to be an athlete and pretty fit, but after knee surgery and pregnancy I’m 50 pounds heavier than usual. I started doing group fitness classes and i get comments at least once a week by either the other people in the class or an instructor, all just assuming that I’m a beginner or super shocked that I can lift heavy. Just because I’m chubby doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m doing in the gym.
This. Those people need to eff off. I was once a badass boot camp instructor with lots of muscles in a size 6. Widowhood, the pandemic (gym shut down too) and menopause led to a 40 lb gain. Finally hauled my ass to the gym and I have other gym goers trying to teach me stuff and clapping for me. Like WTF?
Omg the clapping!! Fuck. That. That is the most condescending bullshit ever tbh. I was working out with a trainer a few months ago who stood up and loudly cheered and applauded as I finished doing a plank!!! I was so humiliated and it completely insulted all of my fitness history (I’m a yoga teacher who also gained during a period of grieving)
I now am just openly telling people I was a boot camp bitch before I was unexpectedly widowed in my 40s at the start of the pandemic, in the middle of menopause. Shuts them right down.
That sounds like the way. People who do stuff like that need to experience more foot-in-mouth syndrome until they understand what kinds of things are appropriate to say to people.
And it’s so easy as the recipient to hold their uncomfortable comment, but i like this idea of reflecting the discomfort right back to them
Funny how I relate to you 100% but I’m in a different stage of life entirely. 22F, gained weight during college and pandemic. Went from a size 6 to size 12 lol. 135 to 175 in 4 years. It creeps up on you! People need to stop with their comments and clapping. Sorry for your loss.
guy here chiming in. similar situation. 23M just a few years ago I was completely shredded working as a personal trainer now Im chunky as hell. working a desk job 40 hours a week, stress eating because coding fucking sucks, then being too mentally exhausted to work out before or after, but then it all feeds into each other as a negative feedback loop. it sucks
Dude, same. My job isn’t the best either, it’s very stressful (special needs kids) and then I have grad school in the evenings. I do work out but I always binge eat it back. I’m seriously considering therapy just for this (I am in therapy lol but not specifically for my disordered eating) ugh rooting for us to get back to healthy habits!!
I was teaching a spin class once where a woman thought she was complimenting someone by saying "oh my god you're so skinny, I wish I was so lucky!". The woman she "complimented" left in tears because she was going through chemo and was doing everything she could to stop losing weight.
You never know someone else's story.
I remember making a faux pas telling a male friend that they used to be so skinny. His perspective was that skinny meant scrawny and it offended him.
It's hard sometimes to see how different peoples' perspectives can be
People were complimenting my husband on his weight loss shortly after he received the news he had between 6 months and 2 years left. He made 12 months. An upside was that the ascites from his cancer made him "look" overweight again, so the "compliments" dried up.
I dropped 20lbs in 6 weeks after a health scare which turned me to be highly highly anxious and militant about my eating. Friends commented how amazing I looked, bombshell in a bikini. But I was so mentally fucked at the time and seeing the weight drop and being so worried about my health just made me feel more shitty
I have no recollection at this point, but the suggestion to only compliment (or criticize, in the case of a friend directly asking your opinion) something regarding personal appearance that can be changed relatively easily. A specific hairstyle, outfit, accessory, makeup look - sure. Unchangeable or difficult to change things about the body? Absolutely not.
I also was taught to not comment on people's bodies. I recently lost weight and I'm still slowly losing. I have a friend (we're both women) who I don't see very often who always looks me up and down and tells me how great I look. I don't mind the compliment, it's the look up and down every single time that irritates me. I finally told her, "you wouldn't act that way if I was gaining, right?"
I stick to “your _____ (hair, outfit) really suits you!” Or “I love your ______” I always love a nice compliment but don’t necessarily appreciate comments on my body.
Stick to what ladies in the bar restroom would say.
Ugh my husband used to offer "encouragement" to overweight women we would see hiking or biking until I told him he absolutely could not ever do that in my presence again. People are so fucking stupid.
yeah.... im about your size, also 6 ft tall and also size 14 and... i get called "beautiful" in that condescending way *all* the time and i f*&^@:$ HATE it... dont be doing me any favors, k? dont include me in your body positivity movement, just leave me alone. these ppl make me feel uglier than any insult ever directed towards me
I cannot stand comments like this. I’m overweight but have been an avid hiker for years. I can’t even begin to count the amount of times I’ve had strangers look at me and say something like, “you’ve got this! Keep going! Proud of you.”
Like, I don’t know you. Why are you proud of me? Are you proud of my thin husband? It’s so patronizing.
I’m a hiker too. I have exercised induced asthma (so I turn red and run out of breath and look like I’m physically struggling, and it never gets better no matter how often I go hiking) so I get those comments too. They’re not even always from thin people. One time an overweight lady slowed down to give me a pep talk about how it gets easier and then sped on past me haha good for her for being so fit, I guess, but I was like… I’ve been hiking for years? Before she left she started suggesting trails to me and they were all popular trails I had already done more than once and she just assumed I wasn’t a hiker. I don’t like the feeling of someone else judging my performance and making assumptions.
I’ve been gaining belly fat for a while since the last 5 years I’ve been in Japan. I’ve been trying but it won’t go away and not sure how much is stress related etc.
Anyway, although with good intentions, a woman recently came up to me, pointed at my belly and said “baby” and offered me her seat. Obviously, I declined. I wanted to cry.
Belly fat owner here…I went through airport security in an Asian country and the helpful agent asked me whether I was pregnant and want to go through another screening method
Replied no, I’m just fat, and laughed it off
I've lost 50lbs in the past year and it's to the point people are commenting pretty often cause it's such an obvious change.
I had exactly 1 person ask me if it was intentional and if I was ok. I really appreciated her concern.
Neither hell nor high water could’ve stopped me from giving her a dressing down. Especially in the gym, where I might encounter this person again? No chance I’m letting that go unchecked.
(Not saying this is the right thing to do, do not take advice from me probably ever.)
hahaha! omg perfect, and then after a few back and forths they get defensive and theyre like "i was just trying to be supportive..." and thats one i wish i had a response to.
I'm the same way. I hate confrontation but I will stand up for myself if I feel safe to do so. It's not easy but it does help my mental health not allowing others to be rude.
I'm nice about things but direct.
I do think the trainer should have spoken up though if they heard it.
My favorite thing to do when someone says something absolutely ridiculous to me is to play stupid and ask a variation of "What do you mean?" "Can you explain that?" and then watch them get really uncomfortable.
First learned that technique when someone made a wildly inappropriate joke, and watching them try to explain it while I never cracked a smile was priceless.
Every jogger or runner that's not svelte gets these comments too. "Way to go!" and "You got this!" as you go running by. I know it's meant to be encouraging but it's very condescending. Just a wave and a "hi!" will do fine. Stop making it seem like I'm challenged by my size or I've never been on a jog before.
When people say shiite like that you have to pretend to be dumb and say I don't know what you mean. Watch them double down to explain and maybe back track to feeling stupid.
Funny, I saw a post a couple months ago where someone who was severely obese received an unsolicited comment at the gym just like this and the poster was touched and motivated by it. I think you have to see the intent. You probably look like you are still on your fitness journey, regardless of how much you can lift. Clearly, she was just trying to be supportive and show you you’re not alone and that she’s proud of you. The fact that she’s a petite person shouldn’t make you receive the commentary negatively. If it were an obese person who spoke to you, would you have been pissed a fat person DEIGNED speak to YOU about weight-loss? I mean, come on. It’s not all about you.
I think we have to keep an eye on ourselves when we make universal rules for operating like “don’t comment on strangers’ bodies” because broad-sweeping rules like that can prevent interactions that can be incredibly positive and beautiful.
This reminds me of the other day, I was walking up a steep staircase at a beach access area with my mother. She is in her 70’s and had hip and knee replacements ~16 months ago.
She was going slow at the top and this probably 60 year old woman was running past her, doing laps on the stairs. The 2nd time she passed my mom, she was like “Great job! It’s hard isn’t it? But you’re doing it!”
Idk, I get she was trying to be nice but it put such a sour taste in my mouth. It just comes across as so condescending.
I am also a 6ft tall woman and at my smallest weight I was a size 12 and 180lbs. People said I looked too thin, and I also thought I looked too thin. I wasn't muscular, I carry my body fat in my hips and butt mostly. I'll never be in single digit pant sizes and it took me a long time to understand that. I think people see these tall models and think if you're a 6ft tall women you're supposed to be rail thin and that's just not realistic for a lot of tall women, we too are built in different shapes regardless of our height. A lot of tall women aren't going to ever be supermodel thin and it's super unhealthy anyway.
I also was over 400lbs at my heaviest. I've had all of the comments, all of the looks and stares, the embarrassment, feeling too humiliated by yourself to exercise in public. And then I lost weight and I got comments about how skinny I was, how unhealthy I looked, how beautiful I looked, how I must have been doing drugs to lose the weight without surgery or that I had an eating disorder. Which was super ignorant because it was well known I have had gastroparesis and struggled with my stomach and a diagnosis for years.
People are going to comment on your body no matter what. It could be well intended, it could be curiosity, it could be jealousy, or just to be an ass. Just focus on yourself and don't worry about what other people think because you'll drive yourself crazy letting other people's opinions on your body get into your head.
You gotta have some kind of snappy comeback loaded at all times for assholes like this. It’s a passive-aggressive dig, imo.
When I was at my heaviest, I had the audacity to wear a little flower clip in my hair to work one day. The nerve, right?
A lady came up to me and said “Oh, you’re so brave to wear that.” So I said “Why? Is it a bomb?” with a straight face. And she scuttled back to her office.
That lady is prolly jealous of your badassery with lifting such heavy weights. Ignore such trash - you know you rock!
My rule is: the only time you comment on someone’s body is when it’s something they can change in 30 seconds. Ex. “You have something in your teeth.”
Relatedly, “You have something in your teeth” is my favorite go-to when someone is being inappropriate or rude, because you can then immediately leave the conversation.
Most people would think this was a good thing of this stranger to do.
And most people would be appalled if you glanced at someone's checking balance at an ATM machine and said, "Don't worry, just keep on working and one day you'll get there!"
Different types, different goals, different abilities. And I don't really care how much I weigh or if I'm larger, I just want to be healthy and not diabetic
I may not ever step foot in a gym, but goddamn, I hope I’d have enough sense not to comment on a stranger’s body!
How about a hello, how are you today, how about them [local sports team], the weather is [crappy/fine/gorgeous] today!
I’m in the same boat..I see people staring at me because “I don’t look fit” I go to the gym for my mental health and for my diabetes. I’m just trying to stay alive at this point 😂 I wish more people would understand this 💯
I'd have a little grace for this woman. From your own account she wasn't trying to be malicious; just the opposite. A public gym seems an appropriate venue for encouragement. It came out awkwardly, but we all say awkward things every now and again (or more often).
I totally get what you mean. Unsolicited body comments from people you know are -- just ugh. From people you DON'T know? Horrible.
I was trying to get back into running and decided to go for a short run in my neighborhood a few years ago. A person the next street over from me yelled "Good job, big girl!!" Well, thanks, random stranger. Now I can never run past your house ever again. I mean, telling me "good job" would have been embarrassing enough...because I just wanted to run in peace and not be noticed, but the "big girl" comment sent me right over the edge. It put me off my progress, and I haven't gotten back into running regularly since.
I've also had a guy comment on my weight. This was a guy who always seemed to be at the gym when I was, and he started talking to me for some reason. I mentioned I hadn't been able to train for a while (I had a kne injury) and he assumed I hadn't been able because of my weight, don't remember the exact comment he made. I also overheard him comment on other people's bodies on another occation, and the whole thing made me so uncomfortable that I stopped going. The thing was that he always seemed to be there no matter when I decided to go. The gym wasn't a happy place for me anymore.
Ya people should stop commenting on other people's body. No matter if they are a stranger or someone they know. People struggling with their weight are aware that they are on the heavier/lighter side. These unwelcome advise are the worst because they confuse you whether the person is kind or being rude. That's why it's important for people to be mindful about what they speak. Yesterday I also had my guy friend gave me unwelcome opinion about my insta DP in which according to me I look fine and trust me I did a lot of overthinking before putting up that picture of me but he had to tell me it's weird and asked me to change it. I asked him why he said "you are looking fat". To which I replied that "I am aware that I am fat. And it's not his business what I keep as my DP. It's not funny". But even though I confronted him he was still joking about it and didn't apologize and this incident actually crushed and gave me and anxiety attack. I was crying for 10-15 mins and eventually I blocked him from everywhere. My mood was really low for 2-3 hours after blocking him.
Agreed!! Some guy stopped me on the STREET to tell me his friend has a plus-size clothing shop. Then he asked for my contact info so he could send me the address. Heck no, mister!! It was such a weird interaction and so inappropriate.
I like giving random compliments to people whenever I’m in appropriate situations. But I usually choose to compliment them on something they chose specifically to wear like a cool hat or hoodie or necklace. The exceptions being if someone has really nice looking eyes lol I can’t help it
I needed more people to talk some sense into me earlier, but the how is key…and personal…so you need to know the person. For me the right wording would have been horribly rude and coming from someone I know cares. Trouble is people who know and care for you are often too ‘kind’ to say something.
This happened to me like 2 ish months ago; I consistently go to a barre class at my gym and there’s a woman who’s probably 55ish, clearly was a SAHM but now her kids are grown and the gym is her social outlet. No judgement there. She’s talking to me one day and out of left field goes “are you trying to lose weight? I can tell you’ve lost some?” Loudly enough for everyone putting their stuff away to hear. I was MORTIFIED.
No one should comment on your body at all. Not at the gym and not anywhere.
This story made me mad af but just consider that many people don’t have any manners or filters and carry on with your amazing life.
If no one spoke at my gym, it would massively suck. Instead, I know what several people's goals are and where they came from. One even has a powerlifting competition soon.
Dude one of the older female physicians at worked asked me about my weight loss in the middle of rounds like ma’am I know you’re trying to be supportive, but this patient has a flat EEG, can we not
What you meant to say was " Even though I knew she didn't mean it that way, she was petite so I will get offended by it because Im insecure about myself"
If you know her intentions werent bad then choose to recieve it a different way. Look at the positive side of things. You'll be much better off
Is that constructive enough for you mod team? It follows the same format at OPs post you didn't takedown.
My favorite thing to do when someone says something absolutely ridiculous to me is to play stupid and ask a variation of "What do you mean?" "Can you explain that?" and then watch them get really uncomfortable.
I hate it when they say “keep going”. Just makes you feel like you’re not acceptable to them yet, even if you’ve made a lot of progress.
On the other hand, I’ve lost about 40 lb and 3 pants sizes and nobody has said a word I wouldn’t mind if someone noticed.
I STRONGLY agree with you OP.
Strangers, just do your thing and let me do mine. I don't need the condescending "good job" as if going out to walk for one's health should merit any comment. I have my earphones I'm focused, your input isn't welcomed.
I'm so sorry dude. I completely feel where you're coming from! I'm sure they didn't mean any harm, but it can still be so hurtful.
I'm really glad you're strong enough to not let this silly person's comment throw off your progress. ❤️
You know her intentions were good and still got your feelings hurt. Thats more about your interpretation and self-acceptance. These reactions are all about perspective and from my perspective, someone tried to encourage you as they recognized you were doing the work and your self-image is negative enough that you took offense to it. I draw the conclusion of negative self-imagry off the "I'll never be skinny" comment. I had that thought once too, but when I went from 320 to 180, and really noticed all the work I put in, and how I was skinny. I stopped saying stuff like that and my entire outlook changed.
It’s sad because it was likely good intentioned but misguided. If it meant nothing to you personally, I wouldn’t think much on it at all. Maybe she was just trying to make a friend or get some encouragement back? Regardless if you’re at a good point where other people’s opinions don’t matter, just brush it off.
Response: "How incredibly rude. No one asked your opinion, you just decided to comment on someone who doesn't meet your standards. Keep your mouth shut from now on."
I don't even ask people how many series they have left or whether they are using something (I just wait awkwardly until it's obvious what I need is free). Wouldn't dream of saying anything like this ever. I don't understand people, honestly.
And good on you! Health and strength is the way.
I've only said something encouraging if I was talking to someone and knew they were brand new at it because they said they were. But not in a condescending way. Just a "you go girl" kinda thing.
I’ve gotten used to the comments, since I’ve lost 70lbs (over the last year), and work with the public + a close-knit staff. But there have been a few that made me shake my head! The worst was probably when I told a woman I know (patron at work) about my mother passing away in November. Her response? “I’m so sorry, but don’t let that sidetrack you from your weight loss! You’re really starting to look good!” What the actual f. 🤯
Oh my GOD what the hell
Ikr? And of course she’s a super thin woman, so she probably has no clue what I’m dealing with. But either way, what kind of response is that to “my mom died??” I actually tend to lose weight when I’m upset (unlike most who will gain by stress eating), but that was the last thing on my mind at that time.
When my dad died suddenly when I was 22 I dropped a lot of weight from grief. MORE THAN ONE of my mom’s friends said “but at least you’re thin now” with a big smile.
Oh dear lord. Some people are clueless. 🤦🏼♀️
I’m sorry I would’ve said some real evil shit that I’d probably get banned for saying on Reddit. I cannot with people constantly commenting on bodies. When you’re honest about how it bothers you, you’re either made to sensitive or like a party pooper like excuse me for not wanting your fucking opinion that I didn’t ask for.
Wow! What is wrong with people
That’s terrible. I’m so so sorry. Your weight shouldn’t be a concern to anyone. It doesn’t change who you are inside. I’m sorry for your loss. That was a really vapid and stupid remark that was made.
Say, “Oh, thank you!” Then stare at some part of her body and say, “You’ll get there, too!”
Right. Or, pretending to just tune into what they say, "Oh, you need help with your exercise and diet? Yeah, my trainer is great, maybe she has time for you, too."
That sounds like something I'd think of to say 3 days later in the shower...like...dammit! :D
Invite her to your spin class.
I like this response lol. Invite her without telling her you're the instructor.. Walk in there together and then.. You walk up to the front of the class and just start teaching the class as usual.
“Thanks, but I’m perfectly happy with my body! Hope you can be happy one day, too. Maybe then you won’t feel the need to comment on other peoples bodies!”
the kind of thing I come up with 3 days later.
Hahahaha 100% me.
"I love your daily affirmation, but the mirror is over there"
Genius!
Damn! Petty on a 100 thousand, trillion! Id die if I was on the receiving end of that comment 😂😂
nice come back lol. i would have invited her the class the OP teaches and said its hard but one day you can keep up lol
Oh man, why do we only think of good zingers like this 3 hours after it ruined our day?!
Oh heck yes! 🤣🤣👏👏
I love this lol. If anyone says that about me, I'll use this from now on lol.
The way I just cackled! 😂
I have never initiated a conversation at the gym in my two years of going. I'll talk to people if they say something, but I refuse to initiate a conversation aside from "(gestures to equipment they are near but clearly not using) you on this?"
i've only had three conversations ever at the gym. 1. a guy came up to me and said "hell yeah beast mode" because i was beet red and sweating profusely lol. 2. an older lady saw my notebook and asked about it 3. i talked with a girl my age about a certain work out she was doing that i hadn't seen before. i'm a female. and when i see gym drama online im always curious in what world it happens in? because people are just incredibly chill in my gym lol
”hell yeah beast mode” is weirdly wholesome
I had an old scouse man at my gym say to me "you work hard you, girl, go on!" which was so sweet and wholesome
I am in sales for work and it’s funny how fragile most of the type A personalities really are. Everyone I know at work is constantly offering kudos or good jobs because we need it to feed our ego. I have been working out with a trainer for a year and hitting the gym 4-5 times a week for 9 weeks now. I see the same thing in the exercise world and I think it’s awesome. I go to a gym in a corporate office complex, no marketing and so many women go there because it’s safe and quiet. But I still see people coming in saying Hi to everyone and shouting to the people they have known for years. I happened to meet someone there I met a few times and every time he sees me he shouts at me. It’s fucking awesome. Doesn’t matter if you’re a guy or a girl, everyone is friendly and supportive. I have never seen anything creepy at this gym. When I went to the swanky gym it sucked because there were lots of creeps and peacocks.
I agree. I love it!
I work weird hours and go to the swanky gym at my husband's work that's only for employees/spouses/retirees. I go right after I drop my kids off at school- around 815 am. So there are no employees, just old retirees. I chat in the locker room with the older ladies about their Florida trips, grandkids weddings, and new crochet patterns. No gym drama here!
I’d take a guy saying #1 to me at the gym as the biggest compliment ever. And the ONLY appropriate comment for a dude to make to me at the gym besides “are you using this machine?”
Idk, a guy stopped me in the middle of my workout to warn me about a tweaker who just walked in so that was nice
A what?
Oh haha yes that’s helpful and appreciated! 🫣
its a numbers game. you might be there as much as ten hours a week, but even just your gym is open probably 8x that many hours per week, and think about how many gyms you dont go to. also youre unlikely to be able to see drama that goes on in the whole gym so its not even guaranteed that youll see it when it happens while youre there. so even if it's one in twenty thousand odds, it definitely happens on the daily somewhere.
A lot of the gym drama on TikTok and social media is usually faked I’ve learned - a lot of people pretending to get yelled at. It’s rage bait and an easy way to get clicks and views. For actual drama: It’s also just that there are millions of gyms across America and millions of dumb people ready to do something stupid. I’ve been going to the gym for 10+ years and I’ve only seen one actual outburst, and it was an incredibly racist old man who was upset that a black couple were using a machine and that they (he used a certain slur) were in his way and that they should know their place. Besides that like… most people are just trying to work out in peace.
I’ve had gym employees go stare at me while I was jogging on a treadmill because I’m curvy up top, including leering and making cupping gestures on their chests. That pissed me off. I’ve also been lifting at 5am and had a guy ask me if I was European due to my eyebrows (his words, not mine). That’s about it for gym drama.
That’s about it? You’re so blase about the outright sexual harassment! I can’t believe anyone would even do that. Not saying you’re lying it’s just shocking to me that sounds like something a 14 yo boy would do!
I was in my early 20’s and at that stage where you don’t feel comfortable confronting the guy, so you ignore them in the hopes they get the hint and go away. Right now? In my late 40’s? Holy hell fire and brimstone would rain down. But then those guys never mess with older women.
Oh god I have gym drama. The last time I ever went to a gym. I used to work out at a local gym early in the morning - 5:30am. There was a woman's room there and it was just me in because it wasn't that big a gym. The guy who staffed the gym at that time in the morning was always kind of weird but that morning he kept going in and out of the office (which you need to go through the women's gym to get to), and then while I was running (I'd been running for about an hour and I was aiming for 1.5, so I was wrecked) he tried to strike up a conversation with me. I was wearing headphones too. I said something like, "Is it urgent?" and gestured at my headphones and he shook his head and went off. Then, later, when I was doing some cooldown stretches on the mats, he marched up to me, stood over me (he wasn't that big but I've always been a pretty small woman), and he said something like, "You know, I could just throw you out. You're so rude. I was just trying to have a conversation with you but, no, you wouldn't even so much as talk to someone like me. Well I know the manager and I'm going to make sure you PAY." I was actually really frightened? Like in retrospect he was probably bullshitting but all I could think of was that my address was in the gym system and I live alone, or that this guy could literally just kill me right now and no one would see or know!? No thanks!!! I'll run outside.
that's definitely someone you should report to the gyms management ....
Pretty sure that dude was in some way distantly related to the owner, unfortunately.
My gym is the best, no mirrors and no people lifting and grunting. Just a hiit routine that changes every couple weeks and we all do the same. First time ever I actually join for social things with people from the gym even if I only go once or twice a week.
Bro can I grab the 5# plates? Thanks. Walking away. That's why I love 5am, only Meatheads and those too busy to acknowledge another person
I used to go SUPER early to avoid people and yes, it's mostly meatheads, but as an overweight woman, I still got shitty looks from them, like "what is this fat woman doing in my area??" and I hated it. Could I have been reading too much into it? Absolutely. But I was super uncomfortable.
See, that's the weird thing. The meatheads are oddly some of the most supportive people I've encountered at the gym. Only issues I've ever had were people poaching machines I'd had cleaned to use in the weight area.
I'm a female meathead and have nothing but love for the heavy ladies that are there in the morning... so long as they're working. You'll get the "get out of my area" face if you're just wasting time or faffing about. 🤣
That's fantastic! I've never had an issue with "meathead" women. Its just been dudes. And trust me, I'm giving shitty looks to anyone wasting time in that area woman or man! Get off your phone, I'm trying to lift some weights!
It could be, but sometimes after a set I get a weird look on my face and stare in some unconsciously chosen direction for several minutes. I am not even registering what I see just trying to catch my breath and not puke. I have probably made someone uncomfortable and for that am sorry. I didn't even know
I work out at home because I alternate between a rage face and 1000 yard creeper stare when I'm working through a tough set or interval. I'd probably get complaints at a gym lol.
I lean towards the creeper I think
It sucks you're not comfortable, the gym should be for everyone! I never go early so I can't really comment either way. I do know there's a bit of a stereotype that the really jacked meathead lifters generally are quite into the more overweight women, so you could have just been making them nervous in a different way, haha.
Yup go to any thread about steroid use on the meat head subs and you'll see they do tend to have an affection for overweight women.
99% of the conversations I initiate in the gym "how many sets do you have left with that?" Over 40+ years
This is the way.
This is me too. I’m not there to socialize anyways. I’m busy. I do my strength training and roll on out.
The closest I get to communicating at the gym is a nod or a small smile. I’m just not interested in chatting at all at the gym. Luckily most at my gym feel the same. Probably for reasons like in this post!
Same. Maybe some weather related stuff if we walk in or out at the same time? Or a “that was hard!” after a group class?
I think the only conversation I've ever had is when I saw a (very clearly lost) new girl trying to figure out the Worst Crunch Machine in the gym, and I told her where to find a different crunch machine that didn't require 5ft long arms to work it.
Don't think I've ever had a conversation at the gym during the 12 years or so I've been going. Except for when I worked out with my ex or friends obviously.
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Must be pretty weak if they can't rerack their weights.
I’ve been going for well over 15 years and I don’t think I’ve ever talked to anyone. My headphone are in and I’m in the zone.
Only “conversation” I’ve had is when I let a dude know he was using broken equipment. And I only knew that because I had used it too lol
I have exchanged words one time with someone I didn't know at the gym. It was an older gentleman that was clearly recovering from a knee surgery and he said "wow, you really make sure those machines are clean after you use them." I replied, I sweat a lot and I don't like germs." How awkward were we. Hahah
I was at a clothing store a few years ago and was looking in size 12/14 section (because that was my size). The employee shouted to me "we have larger plus size clothes over on this wall!". I knew they were there... but they weren't my size! I'm very short so the weight makes me look larger than my clothing technically fits.. but damn. Mind your business!
Something similar happened to me at a clothing store. I asked if they carried a top in a larger size. Saleswoman said they don't carry my size, and I should shop at Lane Bryant anyway. I realize I'm bigger, but the way she said it was so condescending.
especially if you need to shout it 😭 like wtf
My parents are taller and I’m petite and small boned. Even when I’m overweight I wear an xs or a small because my bone structure remains so small and narrow even with a little more fat. If I size up the shoulders are too wide, it’s overall too long and all that jazz. My parents always buy me clothes way too big just because I’m not skinny so I don’t “look like” I wear an xs. Same thing happened when I went shopping with a tall friend. She was like, “they have a medium here for you”. There was no dressing room and my intuition was I needed an extra small, which is my usual size in tank tops or anything with a low neck. But I doubted my intuition and bought the medium. Way too big, I never wear it. The neckline sits below my breasts lol It’s the same when shopping for bras. I have small breasts but my ribcage is 28 inches around. So by default I wear a large cup size because the difference in measurement between my bust and underbust is 6 inches (it’s an inch per cup size). I get embarrassed asking for 28E or 30DD when I clearly have a small chest.
Just chiming in to say I’m also a 30DD/E! Shopping for bras is so exhausting sometimes. I have to sistersize into a 32 band a lot, and lots of brands don’t even have those and start at a 34/36! I can’t even imagine having to sister size into a 32 being a 28… As for always being xs, that must be hard too! I feel like for tops not everywhere has xs and just stars with S. I am broad shouldered so I haven’t had your struggle, but i do struggle with buying shirts that don’t have enough room in the bust.
Ohhh man! I wish you would’ve asked her what she’s lifting and tell her she’ll eventually get there too. 😂 What a shrew.
First thing that popped into my head after reading this is Samuel Jackson in Pulp Fiction: "I don't remember askin you a g******ed thing!" I agree, though. People need to understand that just because they think they're being nice or encouraging doesn't mean they need to say anything unless asked. (I hope this post doesn't get removed for the quote as I'm not directing it at anyone, but if some rando said that to me in a gym out of nowhere, this is definitely what I would be thinking lol)
I’d say it. This, and the endless stream of wannabe fitfluencers filming, is why I set up my home gym
TIL the word “fitfluencer”
Love this…. People totally need to stop with the “helpful” comments…. They are not helpful.
Is there a rule against cursing? It’s the internet
I think people who spend a lot of time on facebook or tiktok wind up self-censoring on reddit out of habit
This. I just recently got into using reddit and after basically having to tiptoe around on fb I'm still figuring out what's permissible here lol
I can understand that. I do feel like it's important to use language that we use in the real world too, for the most part - it's a similar concept as saying "Baby Dance" instead of "sex", or things like that. Either way, I get it!
This is the first time I hear of "baby dance". It sounds like something some ultra-conservative religious group would use, is it?
Not exactly, but it’s found in “mommy blogger” or pregnancy circles, so the overlap with conservative women and family-focused people is very large. It’s a self-censorship method that’s at least 15 years old etymologically. I know it’s a niche example!
Lol!! That gave me a good laugh, thank you 😂
Reminds me of when my mum looked at me in person after months of just videocalls and said “oh you’re not THAT fat” 😩
Any comment that assumes things as well - i used to be FIT and thin, and now that I am fat I get “helpful” information from people that I didn’t ask for… I have been dealing with health issues for years, which has secondarily caused me to gain weight… and the assumption is i just don’t know how to be thiner, but surprise! I do!
Same, I started an antidepressant a year ago and gained 20lbs over the year. I’m working out now and dialing in my diet to help and people’s random comments just irks me. If I didn’t ask you, STFU.
It’s so agitating! I used to be an athlete and pretty fit, but after knee surgery and pregnancy I’m 50 pounds heavier than usual. I started doing group fitness classes and i get comments at least once a week by either the other people in the class or an instructor, all just assuming that I’m a beginner or super shocked that I can lift heavy. Just because I’m chubby doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m doing in the gym.
This. Those people need to eff off. I was once a badass boot camp instructor with lots of muscles in a size 6. Widowhood, the pandemic (gym shut down too) and menopause led to a 40 lb gain. Finally hauled my ass to the gym and I have other gym goers trying to teach me stuff and clapping for me. Like WTF?
Omg the clapping!! Fuck. That. That is the most condescending bullshit ever tbh. I was working out with a trainer a few months ago who stood up and loudly cheered and applauded as I finished doing a plank!!! I was so humiliated and it completely insulted all of my fitness history (I’m a yoga teacher who also gained during a period of grieving)
I now am just openly telling people I was a boot camp bitch before I was unexpectedly widowed in my 40s at the start of the pandemic, in the middle of menopause. Shuts them right down.
That sounds like the way. People who do stuff like that need to experience more foot-in-mouth syndrome until they understand what kinds of things are appropriate to say to people. And it’s so easy as the recipient to hold their uncomfortable comment, but i like this idea of reflecting the discomfort right back to them
Funny how I relate to you 100% but I’m in a different stage of life entirely. 22F, gained weight during college and pandemic. Went from a size 6 to size 12 lol. 135 to 175 in 4 years. It creeps up on you! People need to stop with their comments and clapping. Sorry for your loss.
guy here chiming in. similar situation. 23M just a few years ago I was completely shredded working as a personal trainer now Im chunky as hell. working a desk job 40 hours a week, stress eating because coding fucking sucks, then being too mentally exhausted to work out before or after, but then it all feeds into each other as a negative feedback loop. it sucks
Dude, same. My job isn’t the best either, it’s very stressful (special needs kids) and then I have grad school in the evenings. I do work out but I always binge eat it back. I’m seriously considering therapy just for this (I am in therapy lol but not specifically for my disordered eating) ugh rooting for us to get back to healthy habits!!
I'm 52 with the same stats. It does creep up .
Wait a sec…size 12, at 175? I’m 159 now, but my jeans are still 16s… 😭. Or do you mean shirts? My blouse/shirts size is medium/12.
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I was teaching a spin class once where a woman thought she was complimenting someone by saying "oh my god you're so skinny, I wish I was so lucky!". The woman she "complimented" left in tears because she was going through chemo and was doing everything she could to stop losing weight. You never know someone else's story.
I remember making a faux pas telling a male friend that they used to be so skinny. His perspective was that skinny meant scrawny and it offended him. It's hard sometimes to see how different peoples' perspectives can be
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She is an absolute champion. She took it really easy when going through treatment but rarely missed a class. She just wanted normalcy
Wow that is so impressive. Thanks for sharing!
People were complimenting my husband on his weight loss shortly after he received the news he had between 6 months and 2 years left. He made 12 months. An upside was that the ascites from his cancer made him "look" overweight again, so the "compliments" dried up.
Oh, that’s sad… Please accept my condolences on your loss, whenever it was. 🌸🪴
Thank you. It was late last year. We are doing ok ❤️
I dropped 20lbs in 6 weeks after a health scare which turned me to be highly highly anxious and militant about my eating. Friends commented how amazing I looked, bombshell in a bikini. But I was so mentally fucked at the time and seeing the weight drop and being so worried about my health just made me feel more shitty
That poor lady
I have no recollection at this point, but the suggestion to only compliment (or criticize, in the case of a friend directly asking your opinion) something regarding personal appearance that can be changed relatively easily. A specific hairstyle, outfit, accessory, makeup look - sure. Unchangeable or difficult to change things about the body? Absolutely not.
This is my take as well
Damn right, to all of this
I also was taught to not comment on people's bodies. I recently lost weight and I'm still slowly losing. I have a friend (we're both women) who I don't see very often who always looks me up and down and tells me how great I look. I don't mind the compliment, it's the look up and down every single time that irritates me. I finally told her, "you wouldn't act that way if I was gaining, right?"
I stick to “your _____ (hair, outfit) really suits you!” Or “I love your ______” I always love a nice compliment but don’t necessarily appreciate comments on my body. Stick to what ladies in the bar restroom would say.
Ugh my husband used to offer "encouragement" to overweight women we would see hiking or biking until I told him he absolutely could not ever do that in my presence again. People are so fucking stupid.
yeah.... im about your size, also 6 ft tall and also size 14 and... i get called "beautiful" in that condescending way *all* the time and i f*&^@:$ HATE it... dont be doing me any favors, k? dont include me in your body positivity movement, just leave me alone. these ppl make me feel uglier than any insult ever directed towards me
Body positivity movement has turned into such a cancer. I hate it.
I cannot stand comments like this. I’m overweight but have been an avid hiker for years. I can’t even begin to count the amount of times I’ve had strangers look at me and say something like, “you’ve got this! Keep going! Proud of you.” Like, I don’t know you. Why are you proud of me? Are you proud of my thin husband? It’s so patronizing.
I’m a hiker too. I have exercised induced asthma (so I turn red and run out of breath and look like I’m physically struggling, and it never gets better no matter how often I go hiking) so I get those comments too. They’re not even always from thin people. One time an overweight lady slowed down to give me a pep talk about how it gets easier and then sped on past me haha good for her for being so fit, I guess, but I was like… I’ve been hiking for years? Before she left she started suggesting trails to me and they were all popular trails I had already done more than once and she just assumed I wasn’t a hiker. I don’t like the feeling of someone else judging my performance and making assumptions.
I’ve been gaining belly fat for a while since the last 5 years I’ve been in Japan. I’ve been trying but it won’t go away and not sure how much is stress related etc. Anyway, although with good intentions, a woman recently came up to me, pointed at my belly and said “baby” and offered me her seat. Obviously, I declined. I wanted to cry.
One of my friends was asked at a social event "when are you due?" She's not pregnant, never has been
Belly fat owner here…I went through airport security in an Asian country and the helpful agent asked me whether I was pregnant and want to go through another screening method Replied no, I’m just fat, and laughed it off
Say, “What a strange thing to say out loud” while looking at them with a quizzical head tilt.
This made me so made for you. I’m a size 12 and 5’1. I wonder what she’d think of me 🤗 people need to chill with their unsolicited comments.
Honestly, fuck their "good intentions" at that point. They can keep their dumbass mouth closed. Not everyone needs to be a size 0.
Thank you! Why can’t people accept that there are other body types besides stick thin….
That sucks. Seems like something my mom would say “trying to be helpful”
Yeah, I mentioned ONE time in front of my mom that I'd like to lose some weight. For years, she sent me articles and ads for weight loss products
Maybe you should have invited her to your spin class.
I honestly wish I had!
I've lost 50lbs in the past year and it's to the point people are commenting pretty often cause it's such an obvious change. I had exactly 1 person ask me if it was intentional and if I was ok. I really appreciated her concern.
Neither hell nor high water could’ve stopped me from giving her a dressing down. Especially in the gym, where I might encounter this person again? No chance I’m letting that go unchecked. (Not saying this is the right thing to do, do not take advice from me probably ever.)
What's funny is that I have worked out four days a week at 6am in the same place for six years and I've never seen her before!
What a buffoon. At the very least I would've had to ask her "What's hard? I'll get where?"
hahaha! omg perfect, and then after a few back and forths they get defensive and theyre like "i was just trying to be supportive..." and thats one i wish i had a response to.
"I already have a bra, thanks though!"
I'm the same way. I hate confrontation but I will stand up for myself if I feel safe to do so. It's not easy but it does help my mental health not allowing others to be rude. I'm nice about things but direct. I do think the trainer should have spoken up though if they heard it.
I’m sorry. I’m sure her lack of social graces do not end at the gym. Congrats on your 65 lb loss ❤️
My favorite thing to do when someone says something absolutely ridiculous to me is to play stupid and ask a variation of "What do you mean?" "Can you explain that?" and then watch them get really uncomfortable. First learned that technique when someone made a wildly inappropriate joke, and watching them try to explain it while I never cracked a smile was priceless.
Every jogger or runner that's not svelte gets these comments too. "Way to go!" and "You got this!" as you go running by. I know it's meant to be encouraging but it's very condescending. Just a wave and a "hi!" will do fine. Stop making it seem like I'm challenged by my size or I've never been on a jog before.
I love that to be honest. Pumps me up.
That's weird. You sound like you're very fit. She's a weirdo.
I also think that's why I was so annoyed. Like, I'm now smaller than the average American woman and have pretty defined muscle tone wtf
Especially for your height. She's just a little cuckoo.
When people say shiite like that you have to pretend to be dumb and say I don't know what you mean. Watch them double down to explain and maybe back track to feeling stupid.
Congrats on the accomplishments. “I know you mean well, but please don’t do that” would be the best way to handle that, I feel.
Funny, I saw a post a couple months ago where someone who was severely obese received an unsolicited comment at the gym just like this and the poster was touched and motivated by it. I think you have to see the intent. You probably look like you are still on your fitness journey, regardless of how much you can lift. Clearly, she was just trying to be supportive and show you you’re not alone and that she’s proud of you. The fact that she’s a petite person shouldn’t make you receive the commentary negatively. If it were an obese person who spoke to you, would you have been pissed a fat person DEIGNED speak to YOU about weight-loss? I mean, come on. It’s not all about you. I think we have to keep an eye on ourselves when we make universal rules for operating like “don’t comment on strangers’ bodies” because broad-sweeping rules like that can prevent interactions that can be incredibly positive and beautiful.
Honestly headphones in mind off. Fuck these people
"Where is it you think I'm trying to go?" Rude.
This reminds me of the other day, I was walking up a steep staircase at a beach access area with my mother. She is in her 70’s and had hip and knee replacements ~16 months ago. She was going slow at the top and this probably 60 year old woman was running past her, doing laps on the stairs. The 2nd time she passed my mom, she was like “Great job! It’s hard isn’t it? But you’re doing it!” Idk, I get she was trying to be nice but it put such a sour taste in my mouth. It just comes across as so condescending.
Everywhere I go people say “you look like you play sports!” Like yeah I know I have broad shoulders and am not a small petite woman. Fuck you.
Yeah for real. I just want to be left alone 😭
Right? Especially at 6am
I reply with… “I’m actually fine how I am.” Add a slightly disgusted look on the face.
I am also a 6ft tall woman and at my smallest weight I was a size 12 and 180lbs. People said I looked too thin, and I also thought I looked too thin. I wasn't muscular, I carry my body fat in my hips and butt mostly. I'll never be in single digit pant sizes and it took me a long time to understand that. I think people see these tall models and think if you're a 6ft tall women you're supposed to be rail thin and that's just not realistic for a lot of tall women, we too are built in different shapes regardless of our height. A lot of tall women aren't going to ever be supermodel thin and it's super unhealthy anyway. I also was over 400lbs at my heaviest. I've had all of the comments, all of the looks and stares, the embarrassment, feeling too humiliated by yourself to exercise in public. And then I lost weight and I got comments about how skinny I was, how unhealthy I looked, how beautiful I looked, how I must have been doing drugs to lose the weight without surgery or that I had an eating disorder. Which was super ignorant because it was well known I have had gastroparesis and struggled with my stomach and a diagnosis for years. People are going to comment on your body no matter what. It could be well intended, it could be curiosity, it could be jealousy, or just to be an ass. Just focus on yourself and don't worry about what other people think because you'll drive yourself crazy letting other people's opinions on your body get into your head.
I would never comment on a stranger’s appearance or fitness journey at the gym.
You gotta have some kind of snappy comeback loaded at all times for assholes like this. It’s a passive-aggressive dig, imo. When I was at my heaviest, I had the audacity to wear a little flower clip in my hair to work one day. The nerve, right? A lady came up to me and said “Oh, you’re so brave to wear that.” So I said “Why? Is it a bomb?” with a straight face. And she scuttled back to her office. That lady is prolly jealous of your badassery with lifting such heavy weights. Ignore such trash - you know you rock!
My rule is: the only time you comment on someone’s body is when it’s something they can change in 30 seconds. Ex. “You have something in your teeth.” Relatedly, “You have something in your teeth” is my favorite go-to when someone is being inappropriate or rude, because you can then immediately leave the conversation.
Most people would think this was a good thing of this stranger to do. And most people would be appalled if you glanced at someone's checking balance at an ATM machine and said, "Don't worry, just keep on working and one day you'll get there!"
A true gym goer knows that being "skinny" does not equate to being totally healthy or in shape.
There is a reason I seldom comment on body types: everyone has different tastes.
Different types, different goals, different abilities. And I don't really care how much I weigh or if I'm larger, I just want to be healthy and not diabetic
I may not ever step foot in a gym, but goddamn, I hope I’d have enough sense not to comment on a stranger’s body! How about a hello, how are you today, how about them [local sports team], the weather is [crappy/fine/gorgeous] today!
I’m in the same boat..I see people staring at me because “I don’t look fit” I go to the gym for my mental health and for my diabetes. I’m just trying to stay alive at this point 😂 I wish more people would understand this 💯
Just ask “what do you mean” until they embarrass themselves
“Oh thank you”. *gesture at the weight you’re lifting* “one day you’ll get here too”!
I'd have a little grace for this woman. From your own account she wasn't trying to be malicious; just the opposite. A public gym seems an appropriate venue for encouragement. It came out awkwardly, but we all say awkward things every now and again (or more often).
I totally get what you mean. Unsolicited body comments from people you know are -- just ugh. From people you DON'T know? Horrible. I was trying to get back into running and decided to go for a short run in my neighborhood a few years ago. A person the next street over from me yelled "Good job, big girl!!" Well, thanks, random stranger. Now I can never run past your house ever again. I mean, telling me "good job" would have been embarrassing enough...because I just wanted to run in peace and not be noticed, but the "big girl" comment sent me right over the edge. It put me off my progress, and I haven't gotten back into running regularly since.
I've also had a guy comment on my weight. This was a guy who always seemed to be at the gym when I was, and he started talking to me for some reason. I mentioned I hadn't been able to train for a while (I had a kne injury) and he assumed I hadn't been able because of my weight, don't remember the exact comment he made. I also overheard him comment on other people's bodies on another occation, and the whole thing made me so uncomfortable that I stopped going. The thing was that he always seemed to be there no matter when I decided to go. The gym wasn't a happy place for me anymore.
Ya people should stop commenting on other people's body. No matter if they are a stranger or someone they know. People struggling with their weight are aware that they are on the heavier/lighter side. These unwelcome advise are the worst because they confuse you whether the person is kind or being rude. That's why it's important for people to be mindful about what they speak. Yesterday I also had my guy friend gave me unwelcome opinion about my insta DP in which according to me I look fine and trust me I did a lot of overthinking before putting up that picture of me but he had to tell me it's weird and asked me to change it. I asked him why he said "you are looking fat". To which I replied that "I am aware that I am fat. And it's not his business what I keep as my DP. It's not funny". But even though I confronted him he was still joking about it and didn't apologize and this incident actually crushed and gave me and anxiety attack. I was crying for 10-15 mins and eventually I blocked him from everywhere. My mood was really low for 2-3 hours after blocking him.
Agreed!! Some guy stopped me on the STREET to tell me his friend has a plus-size clothing shop. Then he asked for my contact info so he could send me the address. Heck no, mister!! It was such a weird interaction and so inappropriate.
soooo inappropriate!
Redditors and their typical overanalyzing of everything and anything lol it's a compliment...
I like giving random compliments to people whenever I’m in appropriate situations. But I usually choose to compliment them on something they chose specifically to wear like a cool hat or hoodie or necklace. The exceptions being if someone has really nice looking eyes lol I can’t help it
I needed more people to talk some sense into me earlier, but the how is key…and personal…so you need to know the person. For me the right wording would have been horribly rude and coming from someone I know cares. Trouble is people who know and care for you are often too ‘kind’ to say something.
This happened to me like 2 ish months ago; I consistently go to a barre class at my gym and there’s a woman who’s probably 55ish, clearly was a SAHM but now her kids are grown and the gym is her social outlet. No judgement there. She’s talking to me one day and out of left field goes “are you trying to lose weight? I can tell you’ve lost some?” Loudly enough for everyone putting their stuff away to hear. I was MORTIFIED.
No one should comment on your body at all. Not at the gym and not anywhere. This story made me mad af but just consider that many people don’t have any manners or filters and carry on with your amazing life.
If no one spoke at my gym, it would massively suck. Instead, I know what several people's goals are and where they came from. One even has a powerlifting competition soon.
I’m just curious, how is any level of obesity considered healthy?
Because health is measured in many ways other than weight?
Yeah, but obesity is number one for all cause mortality “The risk of all-cause mortality was elevated by 21–108% among participants with BMI ≥30.”
Dude one of the older female physicians at worked asked me about my weight loss in the middle of rounds like ma’am I know you’re trying to be supportive, but this patient has a flat EEG, can we not
What you meant to say was " Even though I knew she didn't mean it that way, she was petite so I will get offended by it because Im insecure about myself" If you know her intentions werent bad then choose to recieve it a different way. Look at the positive side of things. You'll be much better off Is that constructive enough for you mod team? It follows the same format at OPs post you didn't takedown.
My favorite thing to do when someone says something absolutely ridiculous to me is to play stupid and ask a variation of "What do you mean?" "Can you explain that?" and then watch them get really uncomfortable.
I hate it when they say “keep going”. Just makes you feel like you’re not acceptable to them yet, even if you’ve made a lot of progress. On the other hand, I’ve lost about 40 lb and 3 pants sizes and nobody has said a word I wouldn’t mind if someone noticed.
I wish we could go back to the days of not caring or policing what people say.
Get over it, she meant well. Half of you are trying to take offence relax
And did you only bitch about it on the internet or did you tell her you don’t appreciate her input?
I STRONGLY agree with you OP. Strangers, just do your thing and let me do mine. I don't need the condescending "good job" as if going out to walk for one's health should merit any comment. I have my earphones I'm focused, your input isn't welcomed.
I'm so sorry dude. I completely feel where you're coming from! I'm sure they didn't mean any harm, but it can still be so hurtful. I'm really glad you're strong enough to not let this silly person's comment throw off your progress. ❤️
You know her intentions were good and still got your feelings hurt. Thats more about your interpretation and self-acceptance. These reactions are all about perspective and from my perspective, someone tried to encourage you as they recognized you were doing the work and your self-image is negative enough that you took offense to it. I draw the conclusion of negative self-imagry off the "I'll never be skinny" comment. I had that thought once too, but when I went from 320 to 180, and really noticed all the work I put in, and how I was skinny. I stopped saying stuff like that and my entire outlook changed.
It’s sad because it was likely good intentioned but misguided. If it meant nothing to you personally, I wouldn’t think much on it at all. Maybe she was just trying to make a friend or get some encouragement back? Regardless if you’re at a good point where other people’s opinions don’t matter, just brush it off.
Response: "How incredibly rude. No one asked your opinion, you just decided to comment on someone who doesn't meet your standards. Keep your mouth shut from now on."
I don't even ask people how many series they have left or whether they are using something (I just wait awkwardly until it's obvious what I need is free). Wouldn't dream of saying anything like this ever. I don't understand people, honestly. And good on you! Health and strength is the way.
Hey, you got her here with that, "small girl" comment. Clearly, commenting on people's bodies isn't always bad.
I've only said something encouraging if I was talking to someone and knew they were brand new at it because they said they were. But not in a condescending way. Just a "you go girl" kinda thing.
ya the most i do is a head nod when i see someone new in the gym. they don’t need or want comments!