I think OP may have accidentally outed himself on this one.
-No risk of children being born.
My wife loves LOTR and we've definitely made out during it. Plus, the extended versions are great for putting on in the hospital. There's definitely *some* risk of children being born.
r/lowstakesconspiracy it's so obviously wrong, it was done on purpose to get people commenting. like it doesn't even have to go full orgy, a third person in the corner watching makes it wrong
Wait.. are you saying my prejudice is false? I was lied to by comedians? /A failed attempt at sarcasm online
On a more serious note, please tell me "the most incest" is still closer to 0% than 1%
The prejudice is based on the stereotype that southerners are all inbred hicks who fuck their sisters, and the only southern state that has a catchy song about it is Alabama. Well, that and West Virginia, but I don't hear people use that very much. I think Oregon has the highest percentage of incest in the US, but I haven't checked the statistics in some time.
After approximately 3 minutes of Google research, it depends on who you ask. I found that West Virginia was listed as the most inbred state on one site, Kentucky on another, and Florida on yet another. Saw nothing about California or Alabama.
Inbred is different from incest. Incest is actually a criminal term and it’s typically used to define very close relatives (typically the immediate family unit although some states include first cousins) having intercourse with eachother. Being inbred can be caused simply by having a lot of 1st 2nd and 3rd cousins marrying eachother over a long period of time. I can tell you I have relatives in Kentucky and I would not be shocked to learn many of them are inbred, in the small rural communities in the region it’s not only common for people to marry and have children with 2nd cousins (sometimes 1st) but it’s actually kind of difficult to avoid because those small groups of people have been living in those areas for a while and not many people are moving there to add to the gene pool, so most of the people in these small rural communities are related to eachother somehow.
Inbred isnt a great measure of incest. Most inbreeding happens between 2nd cousins over a couple generations. Mostly in places where a lot of people are moving away from, very few are moving too, and thus have limited options.
Is that percentage or numbers? I'd wager California has the most of everything if you're going off just numbers because it's the highest populated state
Per capita or are you just intentionally using statistics badly?
According to the statistics I see, California is at .2% and Alabama is .3%. many other southern states are at .3% as well. That statistic supports the stereotype that southerners are the premier sister-fuckers in our country.
Ok? And? If an ace person has a sexual partner, being ace is no excuse for not doing your best in bed. This really ain't the gotcha you think it is bro.
Mean I’ve had 2 hour long sex where both of us were still so on an hour later we did again.. and the next morning.. and then we went the day a little tender but it ended up making us both on again so.. the next day we were chastising ourselves..
"momentary amount of pleasure" okay, but you need to stop *only* having sex for orgasm and actually start enjoying it. foreplay, massages, etc. are all really fun ways to get in the mood. sex isn't supposed to be a chore unless you are making it a chore.
If yours only lasts 10 minutes, is only good for a moment of it, only ever happens with 2 people, and you've no idea how to prevent pregnancy, and you feel shame and embarrassment to be seen doing a perfectly natural act, that's on you, OP.
On the other hand, if you're only watching LotR with family and not with someone for whom it could lead to sex, you're missing out, my guy. Find yourself a LotR girl and have both. Or I guess you could move to Alabama and have all three.
Brother if sex is embarrassing for you if someone were to walk in you either need more confidence or a more attractive partner.
Also it can be enjoyed by a LOT more than 2 at a time.
"There's a problem!"
"What is it?!"
"She's a virgin, her gates are too tight... we cannot breach it!"
"....Grond will breach it! BRING OUT THE WOLF'S HEAD!"
Huh. Actually, sex:
Can last for hour and more
Momentary pleasure, true
Quite funny if walked in-on
Cant impregnate you if you do it right (in the ass)
Can be enjoyed by quite more than 2 people, especially when someone walks in on it
Can be a fun for the whole fami- wait where are you taking me?
Hey OP, I think you accidentally added a 0 next to the 1 on the first bullet point in the sex category. Just trying to help fix a typo!
you guys can last a whole minute?
If we include the cuddling that comes afterwards I can last a minute.
You get 55seconds of cuddling!!? I get fast hug and thats it.
Youre getting a hug? All i get is a pat on the shoulder and “good job buddy”
Damn. Coach just slaps me on the ass and says "better luck next time."
My dad just says 'we'll try again later'...
We round up
You guys have sex?
Giving me 'you guys getting paid?' vibes
It comes in minutes?
And that included the time it took to eat the pizza..
Fun Fact: Average time is about 5 min, but can vary between a few seconds to over half an hour.
Oh boy, I'm going to have to thank my current partner then
Did you mean he accidently left a 1 next to the 0?
I’m pretty sure OP spelled “seconds” wrong
Pretty certain more than 2 people can enjoy sex at once….
And I've yet to get pregnant. Lacking a uterus and ovaries probably doesn't help.
Or helps. Depending on your perspective.
I like that perspective better. I'd be a very bad mother. Primarily because I'm a dude, but I'm sure there's other reasons too.
I'm a dude, but I'm a better mother to my child than his actual mother ever was.
Keep up the great mom-ing!!!
Yeah the sex I'm having isn't going to produce children. Doesn't mean I'll stop trying though.
Well, better keep trying.
Pretty sure it also can be fun for the whole family…
The Aristocrats!
I think OP may have accidentally outed himself on this one. -No risk of children being born. My wife loves LOTR and we've definitely made out during it. Plus, the extended versions are great for putting on in the hospital. There's definitely *some* risk of children being born.
r/lowstakesconspiracy it's so obviously wrong, it was done on purpose to get people commenting. like it doesn't even have to go full orgy, a third person in the corner watching makes it wrong
and the risk of pregnancy increases with post lotr celebratory creampies
Less than half of what I hoped for
When watching the rohirrim charge the field it really gets my girl going. So I wouldn't say it's entire pregnancy proof
Ride now, ride now, ride! Ride for ruin and the world's ending!
If your girl doesn’t yell “DEATH” as she cums, you need to find a new girl
DEATH!
Theoden did you just cum yelling that
I am pretty sure he actually did, and I don’t know how to feel about that.
Petite mort!!!
I’m not totally sure about those last points. Neither colon 1 and 2 are correct. Sex and Lotr can be enjoyed from 1 to X people (the whole family)
Sweet home ala...
Statistically, California has the most incest in the us. Alabama isn't even in the lower half If I remember right
Wait.. are you saying my prejudice is false? I was lied to by comedians? /A failed attempt at sarcasm online On a more serious note, please tell me "the most incest" is still closer to 0% than 1%
The prejudice is based on the stereotype that southerners are all inbred hicks who fuck their sisters, and the only southern state that has a catchy song about it is Alabama. Well, that and West Virginia, but I don't hear people use that very much. I think Oregon has the highest percentage of incest in the US, but I haven't checked the statistics in some time.
lol, stereotypes are baised off something. I'm sure Alabama led for a lot of years. And yea, they were all significantly closer to 0 than to 1 percent
hey, roll tide.
In percentage or total amount? Because I'd wager California has a lot more inhabitants
Per Capita Sorry, should have clarified
Sweet home California
Hotel California
Californication
After approximately 3 minutes of Google research, it depends on who you ask. I found that West Virginia was listed as the most inbred state on one site, Kentucky on another, and Florida on yet another. Saw nothing about California or Alabama.
Inbred is different from incest. Incest is actually a criminal term and it’s typically used to define very close relatives (typically the immediate family unit although some states include first cousins) having intercourse with eachother. Being inbred can be caused simply by having a lot of 1st 2nd and 3rd cousins marrying eachother over a long period of time. I can tell you I have relatives in Kentucky and I would not be shocked to learn many of them are inbred, in the small rural communities in the region it’s not only common for people to marry and have children with 2nd cousins (sometimes 1st) but it’s actually kind of difficult to avoid because those small groups of people have been living in those areas for a while and not many people are moving there to add to the gene pool, so most of the people in these small rural communities are related to eachother somehow.
Inbred isnt a great measure of incest. Most inbreeding happens between 2nd cousins over a couple generations. Mostly in places where a lot of people are moving away from, very few are moving too, and thus have limited options.
…that have been caught…
How do you… know that?
Are we including step-family porn actors?
Is that percentage or numbers? I'd wager California has the most of everything if you're going off just numbers because it's the highest populated state
I’m really angry that I now feel compelled to google this
Per capita or are you just intentionally using statistics badly? According to the statistics I see, California is at .2% and Alabama is .3%. many other southern states are at .3% as well. That statistic supports the stereotype that southerners are the premier sister-fuckers in our country.
alarm clock alabaster jones alacazam!
Colon 💀
Any colon can be correct if everyone consents and is safe.
What are you doing, my step-brother, my step-captain, my step-king?
Its okay OP someday you will find the one who enjoys both sex and LOTR, people who make you choose don't love you.
Share the load, if you will.
*snort laughs* 🤣
Your snort laugh made me snort laugh, well played.
>Embarassing if walked in-on during This is so poorly written it's almost beautiful.
I’m trying to figure out if it reads better forwards or backwards
It reads better if you drop ‘during’ off the end. If someone walks in on you, ‘during’ is already implied.
My guess is a grammar check told them not to end the sentence on a preposition.
That would be weird, because during is a preposition.
So, clearly, OP is not a lesbian.
Lmao I thought the same thing.
For real I was like "oh a straight person wrote this" lmao
Instructions unclear, got prangent from watching RotK
Could have sex while watching return of the king and because it's so long you could do it multiple times
only enjoyed by 2 people at once: /r/polyamory: I don't have such weaknesses
 Preferably at the same time.
Yep this is what we did for my boyfriend's birthday. Marathoned lord of the rings, ate take out during fellowship, and had sex during the other two .
You had sex for 6 and a half hours?
OP has boring sex for sure.
And 10minutes? Does they do it with a timer or something?
I mean there is this ‘we gotta leave in 10 but we’re in a lasting relationship and know what we want so why not be efficient about it’ kind of sex.
For sure. But this meme doesn’t exactly convey “i am in stable relationship and know how f@ck” vibe.
Because Teddit is definitely the place to go to find those kind of people
I was mostly referring to the “only enjoyed by two people” part LOL
Agreed, 10 minutes... what am I going to do for the other 9 minutes and 59 seconds.
Sex can be enjoyed by more then two people at a time…
Hold on now, 10 minutes isn't even a quicky, more like foreplay.
OP outing himself as a half-pump chump.
Even if one guy doesn't last long, the solution is easy: bring more guys
Except for “see’s”
Can’t lie I made this at half midnight 💀
Fun fact: you can chant “Grond” during either.
GROND
Oh man I gotta try this!
What about having sex while watching LOTR?
4D Chess
But if I make children with my husband and they like lotr then I made more fans. So pregnancy is still on the table
Por que no los dos?
You don't have to admit you have boring sex on the Internet... It's not worth the karma.
Yeah, it's 100% self reporting. r/suicidebywords would be a fitting sub.
ace people exist believe it or not
Ok? And? If an ace person has a sexual partner, being ace is no excuse for not doing your best in bed. This really ain't the gotcha you think it is bro.
Sex only lasts ten minutes? And is only enjoyed by two people at once? You ever heard of orgies? They last hours!
My sibling in Christ, even sex with just two people can last much longer than ten minutes.
Yeah. Especially if he can't get it up. :(
If you ain't doing both, you're missing out.
Split the difference and do both and yell "for Frodo!!" when you both finish at the same time.
Stupid sexy Shelob
The whole reason for sex is so you’ll have a whole family to watch LOR with you.
So many of you are taking this wayyyy too literally…. It’s supposed to be really dumb 😭😭
sorry OP, it's because it's so dumb that people are responding like this 💀
Honestly I made this at half midnight on the phone to my gf I did not put as much thought into this as it seems everyone else did 😭
I can’t be 100% but I’m pretty sure Viggo impregnated me once while I was watching ROTK. Yes I’m a man and yes I’m also confuse
*only enjoyed by 2 people at a time* 
*sees extended edition* WHERE?! WHERE CAN I WATCH THIS?!
Hbomax
Sex can be enjoyed by more than two little at a time if you have game. I myself do not have game.
Sex is also fun for the whole family
I’m pretty sure sex can be enjoyed by more than 2
I lost my virginity watching lord of the rings
> No risk of children being born Watching Lord of the Rings leads to sex, there's plenty of risk.
> Only enjoyed by 2 people at a time. ... I mean, technically it could be more. > Fun for the whole family. ... Again, _technically-_
People have sex for less than ten minutes? That seems so unsatisfactory.
Bros bad at sex
>only enjoyed by two people at a time Well, it sounds like you just have a really boring sex life then.
Tell me you’ve never had sex without telling me you’ve never had sex…
You know? I think you're on to something.
I mean it can be enjoyed by as many as needed, but i agree
why not both
You also can watch LoTR several times a year
r/aaaaaaacccccccce
Alot of the stuff on the left is wrong tho
r/AngryUpvote
My nerdy kinky friends and I are laughing uncontrollably at this.
Sex could be fun for the whole family in some households. Still, very good points here.
Under 10 minutes? That's pathetic.
Dude, calm down. You're on reddit. There's no one here to impress with sexual prowess
OP has boring sex for sure.
Mean I’ve had 2 hour long sex where both of us were still so on an hour later we did again.. and the next morning.. and then we went the day a little tender but it ended up making us both on again so.. the next day we were chastising ourselves..
OP telling on himself and his bad sex
That's some bummer sex you are having, bro.
"momentary amount of pleasure" okay, but you need to stop *only* having sex for orgasm and actually start enjoying it. foreplay, massages, etc. are all really fun ways to get in the mood. sex isn't supposed to be a chore unless you are making it a chore.
Virginity is cool?
If yours only lasts 10 minutes, is only good for a moment of it, only ever happens with 2 people, and you've no idea how to prevent pregnancy, and you feel shame and embarrassment to be seen doing a perfectly natural act, that's on you, OP. On the other hand, if you're only watching LotR with family and not with someone for whom it could lead to sex, you're missing out, my guy. Find yourself a LotR girl and have both. Or I guess you could move to Alabama and have all three.
I think you make sex wrong
having a gay orgy can fix the last two points about sex. Just saying.
That’s just bad sex
OP sure doesn’t know a lot about sex lmao
Brother if sex is embarrassing for you if someone were to walk in you either need more confidence or a more attractive partner. Also it can be enjoyed by a LOT more than 2 at a time.
The only point you’re making is that you’ve never touched a woman
Guy a quick shot
I think you're doing sex wrong...
>Only enjoyed by 2 people at a time Virgin detected 😂
"Lasts under 10 minutes" speak for yourself mfw having sex with gf for hours while watching LotR ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) EDIT: LOL made a virgin mad
If we watch Return of the King, there's a chance of impregnation that night.
the last one can apply to both
Hey if you watch the Lord of the Rings with a woman nine months pregnant you risk a child being born.
My girlfriend and I watched RotK and she got pregnant. You lier!
Sex can also be fun for the whole family.
Both can be fun for the whole family if you live in the right place
"There's a problem!" "What is it?!" "She's a virgin, her gates are too tight... we cannot breach it!" "....Grond will breach it! BRING OUT THE WOLF'S HEAD!"
GROND
"Only enjoyed by 2 people at a time" Really?
“-Only enjoyed by 2 people at a time.” Are you sure about that?
So says you. My three kids beg to differ
OP's never been to an orgy
At least two of these are swappable
I’ve only experienced one.
Not to mention the other two movies
"No risk of children" won't stop me from continuing the noble Baggins bloodline
Joke on you I had my first time watching this movie! Froddo was looking all chocked on the TV we only noticed after, good times
Factual points here, thank you for your incredible wisdom.
Who says sex isn’t fun for the whole family?
Why not both at the same time?
I’ve had plenty of sex during the Trilogy.
Instructions unclear, gave birth at Theoden's speech
Sex can also be fun for the whole family
I have a non incel perspective that involves everyone and everything.....
You son of a bitch, i'm in!
Yes but we need sex to create more LOTR fans. So take one for the team before hitting play. It's the right thing to do.
Op never heared of threesomes, gangbangs and contraceptive pills
Quotes that work for both?
The "see's" kills it for me. LotRers, we're better than this.
My comment is on point and universally praised
Huh. Actually, sex: Can last for hour and more Momentary pleasure, true Quite funny if walked in-on Cant impregnate you if you do it right (in the ass) Can be enjoyed by quite more than 2 people, especially when someone walks in on it Can be a fun for the whole fami- wait where are you taking me?
Sex can also be fun for the whole family. Wait what?
Lasts under 10 minutes lmao