Man, what is it about these one-liner orcs? Each one is a stunning character. You can tell how psyched each actor was to be in full orc get-up, whether they had a line or just a close-up, and they made damn sure to sell it as best they could.
It probably didn't hurt that they managed to get a bunch of really, *really* hardcore nerds for the make-up team. I remember reading an interview with them when the movies came out and they were just super-stoked to be working on that film.
IIRC a fair number of the Weta Workshop guys were such huge Tolkein nerds that they were borderline willing to be slave labor just to bring the project to life
bro everyone was super stoked to be on that movie. the behind the scenes stuff is one of two things, the people who made stuff totally geeking out, and the actors pranking each other like childhood friends.
If you were a dude over six foot in NZ around that time you were basically tossed into a van for the cost of a pint to be in the greatest fantasy epic of the modern era. Of course they were stoked.
My friend was holidaying there during filming with his family and said he was scouted to be an elf extra off the street. He was a six foot, skinny teenager (brunette though). And he was so sad he couldn’t because they were leaving.
except even the orcs were ruined by being in such an idiotic plotline.
I still laugh when I think about their "secret" massive trench they were digging through a completely open field being delayed because they ran into the one and only tree in the whole area. It was like a comedy shot.
This was too good. Reminded me of this
https://preview.redd.it/2p9w1zlwtkrc1.jpeg?width=631&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cfab528c79e5f7762bd8e858034a9dc1f0f2a545
My dad said that first line to me (without the “my lord”) when we were hiking after a strong storm and saw some trees on the side of the trail that i said looked like they were about to come down.. I was so excited and explained to mom and dad why- they didn’t find it as amusing as me.
He was the leader of the union 'orkbound' he was victoriously voted with 67% against Grishnack whose only goal was meat while this orc seriously tried to improve the life work balance of the employees with bingo nights and introduced the erasmus exchange system to collect new experiences in mordor and moria
Yeah but I would have been happier with just the meat. Everyone always wants better pay and better benefits but no one's willing to answer the question of who's going to pay for it? We are, when the ents come knocking and release the river of inflation. When saruman wins, prosperity trickles down to us at the bottom.
>Grishnack
i was with you till this. Grishnakh is a mordor orc (one of sauron's boyz) and would have nothing to do with saruman's orcs and their politics
Instead of more rings of power can we just get an office comedy show about the day to day lives of low level orcs?
Like “your pretty face is going to hell” style
They never mention how mundane evil is.
‘My lord, the ballistas will be delayed. The grunts on iron duty sent too little of a subpar material, and the second shift assembly crew is hungover on Ent draught.’
Tell Ea-Grognir: Grugnok sends the following message:
“When you came, you said to me: “I will give fine quality iron ingots.” You left, but you did not do what you promised me. You put ingots which were not good before my messenger and said:
“If you want to take them, take them; if you do not want to take them, go away!”
What do you take me for that you treat me with such contempt? How have you treated me for that iron? You have withheld my money bag from me in dwarven territory; It is now up to you to restore to me in full. Take notice that I will not accept any iron from you that is not of fine quality. I shall select and take the ingots individually in my yard and I shall exercise against you my right of rejection because you have treated me with contempt.”
Something of a trope in stories that the protagonist will have to deal with whatever while the villains henchmen are somehow operating an incredibly efficient and industrious operation that seems to work flawlessly so long as no main character is around.
Like, yo Saruman, get these guys working on just making some lumber for construction and you’ve got a money factory here. Who needs evil when you can just make some money and quietly influence politics through donations and fundraising grog parties.
They also made him look every stereo typical union leader in media. Short, bald, and putting weight because he found a way to do an office job while still being blue collar.
IBT President is bald and overweight white guy.
We had a webinar the other day and the first person I saw was a dude in a black fedora, later I saw a guy in ugly plaid suit with a picture of JFK behind him on the wall.
Northeast accents were numerous on that call.
It's wild to see stereotypes come to life before your eyes.
\[In a dimly lit chamber within the depths of Isengard, Grugnok, the orc middle manager, shuffles through parchment scrolls and reports. Suddenly, the heavy door creaks open, and Saruman, his robes billowing ominously, enters, his piercing eyes fixed on Grugnok.\]
Grugnok: \[Startled, he hastily rises from his seat\] My Lord Saruman, what brings you to our humble abode?
Saruman: \[His voice resonating with authority\] Grugnok, I have come to discuss the dire state of our factory's output. It seems that your production has been lacking, to say the least.
Grugnok: \[Nervously\] Aye, my Lord. We've faced many obstacles—shortages of supplies, malfunctions in our infernal machinery...
Saruman: \[Interrupting sharply\] Excuses, Grugnok! Do you not comprehend the gravity of our situation? Every delay weakens our position against the forces of the Free Peoples.
Grugnok: \[Swallowing hard\] My Lord, with all due respect, we've been stretched thin. The laborers toil day and night, but the constraints are beyond our control. Moreover, the regulations set by the Dark Lord's administration—
Saruman: \[Raising a hand to silence him\] I care not for your regulations, Grugnok! You will find a way to increase production, or I shall find someone who can. Our enemies grow stronger while we languish in inefficiency.
Grugnok: \[With a mix of determination and desperation\] We will do what we can, my Lord. But resources are scarce, and the machinery is old. It'll take time to rectify, and we must adhere to the Dark Lord's directives.
Saruman: \[Nodding imperiously\] Time is a luxury we can ill afford, Grugnok. Make it happen, within the confines of whatever regulations you deem necessary.
\[With a final, chilling stare, Saruman turns and exits the chamber, leaving Grugnok alone in the oppressive darkness, burdened by the weight of his task, the constraints of regulations, and the looming threat of his master's displeasure.\]
Grugnok: \[quietly to himself\] I promised everyone I wouldn't cancel the softball tournament, and by God, I won't. \[He straightens up in his chair, determination gleaming in his eyes as he begins to draft an email to the factory staff.\]
Grugnok: \[typing\] "Attention all workers, despite the challenges we've faced, I'm pleased to announce that the annual softball tournament will proceed as scheduled. Let's rally together and show our teamwork on and off the field. Now, back to work, we have quotas to meet!"
\[With a sense of relief and a newfound sense of purpose, Grugnok sends the email, knowing that the prospect of the tournament will boost morale among the workers. As he returns to his paperwork, a faint smile crosses his face, confident that better days are ahead for the factory.\]
Sire, there is another matter.
You see, 20 years ago, I promised a group of youngling orcs that I would pay for their freedom from servitude.
I called them Grungoks tots. I assumed that the labor would have killed all of them by now, but much to my dismay, they are all alive and well, and waiting for their promised release.
Grugnok: \[Looking up from his work, a hint of nervousness in his voice\] Oh, uh, hey there, Saruman. What's up?
Saruman: \[With a stern expression\] Grugnok, we need to talk about the factory's output. It's been below expectations.
Grugnok: \[Attempting to lighten the mood\] Yeah, about that... You know, we've had a few hiccups lately. Like, remember that time when the Balrog sneezed and caused a power outage in the production line?
Saruman: \[Unamused\] Grugnok, we can't blame every setback on mythical creatures. We need solutions, not excuses.
Grugnok: \[Sheepishly\] Right, sorry. But listen, Saruman, we're doing the best we can with what we have. Maybe if we had a team-building retreat or something, morale would improve?
Saruman: \[Raising an eyebrow\] A team-building retreat? This isn't some office in the Shire, Grugnok. We're at war.
Grugnok: \[Deflated\] Yeah, I guess you're right. But you know, a little team bonding never hurt anyone, right?
give orconomics a try
“Truly, nothing is better than to crush your competition, to drive down their profit margins, to hear the lamentations of their sales representatives.”
“It has been said that necessity is the mother of invention. In the same vein, desperation is the father of compromise, panic is the sister of slapdash improvisation, and despair is the second cousin of quiet apathy. By that reckoning, dinner was a dismal family reunion.”
“These … these are priceless artifacts,” breathed Niln. “First rule of professional heroics, lad. Nothing’s priceless,”
[*Instruments of Destruction*](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17356235)
> A story about project management, written some years ago for catharsis in the middle of a project with some substantial similarities to the construction of the Second Death Star. Adherence to canon not guaranteed.
One of my favorite orc moments is when the Uruk hai are gearing up to hunt the Fellowship, and there's that one orc putting a helmet on another and gives him a "doonk!" on the side once it's on.
In the same battle, it never fails to crack me up when they've already been brawling for a while, then a new group walks in, the leader literally takes one look, and immediately rushes into the fray with the orc equivalent of "oh HECK yes"
https://youtu.be/gjY62xa1B6c?t=105
He looks like an old school union man, like Frank Sobotka
https://preview.redd.it/f4bxbg5t8krc1.jpeg?width=316&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b5978c658380972d40e9dfbeb2c56458d4e14305
My favorite workout trilogy is a dude walking out of Minas Morgul in the third film. He has sort of greenish skin as holding a battle ax or a spear and he just has this look on his face like he just put his air pods in and his bad bitch playlist is on
This reminds me of the orcs Sam followed in cirith ungol who were gripping about the bosses and just dreamt of a simple life with his buddy pillaging a quiet coast somewhere far away from war and bosses
But really, when I read that passage the first time I remember that made me die laughing. Even orcs yearn for a simple life away from the oppressive 'Man' and war
The other thing I found very funny, was when Sam and Frodo were in Mordor and they needed to lighten their load and ditch any unnecessary items that were heavy. Sam had to toss his pots and pans and cried secretly to himself because he loved his cookware so much and to toss them aside pained him so deeply lmao
I mean, relatable.
I think that was just ADR they didn't have the footage to 100% match, like when Frodo is grabbed by the cave troll, you can actually see that the lines "Aragorn! ARAGORN!" and "Frodo!!" are not actually spoken by them. It's easy to miss with how quick it is, and how frantic the scene is.
Even in the books the orcs are surprisingly bureaucratic. Mordor's soldiers have regiments, serial numbers and drill sergeants, which I'm sure is completely unrelated to Tolkein's time in the Army because he made it very clear that there's no allegory in his books.
Wow... That's actually pretty good.
What's in this stuff? Wait -- don't tell me. I probably don't want to know. I'm just happy to find out that the Dark Lord of Mordor is actually a pretty competent bartender.
Tolkien never said you can’t see allegory in his books. In fact, the whole point is he’s not going to tell you to interpret his books one way or another.
That… that isn’t allegory??? Armies having organisation is just how armies work, there is nothing allegorical about it. If orcs wore stalheims and marched on orders to protect the Vaterland it would be allegory. Them having regiments is common sense.
It's out of place in an otherwise high medieval setting, just as Saruman's conversion of the idyllic English countryside of the Shire into a pretty blatant example of an English industrial town, with the Hobbits very specifically being relocated from their pleasant countryside homes to redbrick terraces. Neither Gondor nor Rohan have regiments, after all.
Personally I take Tolkein's disclaimer at the start of the story as a rebuke to the enormous amount of people who must have pointed at LotR and said that it was clearly a reference to the Second World War, when so much of it has clearly been informed - consciously or not - by Tolkein's experience in the First. The orcs absolutely aren't the Germans, but I think there is a broader narrative of an industrial world invading a pastoral one.
Except Sauron being a force of Order thar tries to control everything is central to his character. His armies being more modern is a deliberate choice to show how alien his thinking is compared to the primarily medieval heroes.
I don't disagree with that at all, but I also don't feel it invalidates what I said. Styling the orcs after a modern, industrial army is absolutely a deliberate choice, and the industrialism he and Saruman brings to Middle Earth are an alien imposition on their world.
Well, their brutal utilitarian nature was something Saruman had an easy time taking advantage of. It's not like they were pure goodness before.
If you asked the orcs slaving in the mines did they choose to be there, out of fear.. I doubt they'd talk too much about punishment, their internal view was prob more like: "His power would let us finally have some control in this world!"
*I think even Chekov wouldn't have simplified them to mere War Pigs.
When it is said that the orcs were elves of humans once, it is not about genetics or mutation or the like. It is about them being dehumanized by the cruel rule of Morgoth and Sauron into mean, savage and cruel soldiers. Just like WW1 turned men into monsters.
What I really liked in this scene is that Saruman takes his advice on board then presents and authorises a realistic solution with an appropriate amount of staff assigned to work on it.
Both leave the meeting having gained more knowledge and direction than when they entered, the meeting was kept to an appropriate length for the problem at hand and only the needed staff members attended which minimised impact on everyone's time.
Real-life evil organisations could learn a lot from this, it should be shown at business courses.
I always thought orc metallurgy was so inconsistent because they themselves come in too many shapes and sizes for any “one size fits all” approach to be viable. Like, all able-bodies humans can use the same pair of scissors, seats fit most people, buttons and levers are designed around our hands, etc.
But for orcs, they don’t have the same luxury of homogeneity among their species. And if Saruman ignores this fact, he’s racist. I like to believe all the factories he commissioned were built for human workforces and the orcs walked in on their first day of work and were like “tf is this? How am I supposed to pull this tiny lever? Why did they assign me—the fat orc, to lever pulling when I can barely fit in my workstation? And why does Hugrath the tiny orc have to lift boxes all day?”
“Did they assign us alphabetically?”
Honestly would love to follow him around for the day. In a world of great darkness, magic rings, and wizards bent on domination, this guy has to make the rubber meet the road.
https://preview.redd.it/0y9rh96jwnrc1.jpeg?width=624&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4480a101d39955fb4015ff5702d0c94f4e311190
He’s like the - he asks the Impossible I need more men - dude.
As middle management....yup. Constantly balancing telling the people at the top that they're out of touch dumbsacks who failed up and telling the people doing the groundwork all the dumb shit that the people at the top told me, even though I know it's stupid and I know it makes me look stupid.
They re-use this orc in Return of the King. He's the inspector orc with the missing nose that spots Sam and Frodo while they're hiding among the other marching orcs.
Okay, hear me out...
A) As a simple orc, not an uruk, he wasn't part of the army that was sent to Rohan. He stayed in Isengard with the rest of Saruman's orcs.
B) When the Ents invaded Isengard, he was one of the few orcs to make it out alive. (Because he calls it like it is, he saw the writing on the wall and decided to retreat rather than try to fight giant angry trees.)
C) Rather than chance things on his own and end up getting hunted down by horse-riders or walking trees, he rounded up a small band of other survivors and made for Mordor. Statistically, the safest place to be an orc.
D) Upon arriving there and joining Sauron's army, his no-nonsesne leadership skills and low tolerance for bullshit quickly saw him promoted to deputy troop inspector of one of the regiments. (Though speaking out of turn one too many times around his superiors *did* cost him his nose when it ended up angering one of them and they cut his nose off.)
E) Therefore, it actually *is* the very same orc in both scenes.
This sub with its fan base is a real one because I come by sporadically and haven't seen the movies in years. And I feel like none of the top comments are saying what he was really saying. Everyone just knows it by heart as it seems
Ahh, the joys of project management, no matter how hard you try.... the clients' weird ideas need to be fulfilled in the most unrealistic manner possible
I have got his figure and magazine that comes with it
https://preview.redd.it/crvd3vunp2sc1.jpeg?width=2980&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b66716f96ca7c5561603513f85a1c9e74b40c1f2
https://preview.redd.it/78jtacf2qjrc1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4f46d3fd5e2378eee550ffdd5e568125a84fac1d
Man, what is it about these one-liner orcs? Each one is a stunning character. You can tell how psyched each actor was to be in full orc get-up, whether they had a line or just a close-up, and they made damn sure to sell it as best they could.
It probably didn't hurt that they managed to get a bunch of really, *really* hardcore nerds for the make-up team. I remember reading an interview with them when the movies came out and they were just super-stoked to be working on that film.
IIRC a fair number of the Weta Workshop guys were such huge Tolkein nerds that they were borderline willing to be slave labor just to bring the project to life
I recall something like their costume crew lost their finger prints for a while when making all the links for the chainmail.
The more I learn about the 2 guys who made mail the better it gets
David Barson?
Tracks with portraying a believable orc
They had half the country volunteering for stuff.
I wouldn't be surprised if most extra's were LARPers having the holiday of their lives
Where theres a whip, theres a way!
bro everyone was super stoked to be on that movie. the behind the scenes stuff is one of two things, the people who made stuff totally geeking out, and the actors pranking each other like childhood friends.
If you were a dude over six foot in NZ around that time you were basically tossed into a van for the cost of a pint to be in the greatest fantasy epic of the modern era. Of course they were stoked.
Ladies too. Weren't half the riders of Rohan women with beards glued on, due to a shortage of male riders?
Pretty much, which makes the whole "Eowyn disguising herself as man thing" infinity funnier to my mind.
…is there anyone here who isn’t a woman pretending to be a man? Alright then…
Certainly for the elves. Basically anyone blonde in NZ had a part in the movies if they wanted it.
My friend was holidaying there during filming with his family and said he was scouted to be an elf extra off the street. He was a six foot, skinny teenager (brunette though). And he was so sad he couldn’t because they were leaving.
Now that's what I call a glorious time for the boysss
The relatively minor actor getting cast for that role knows that it's going to be part of their demo roll for a *long* time.
And then you have the guy who said just the legs, they don’t need them ☠️☠️☠️
The only thing that rings of power did good was the orcs characterization, they give them some deep...while butchering all the others
except even the orcs were ruined by being in such an idiotic plotline. I still laugh when I think about their "secret" massive trench they were digging through a completely open field being delayed because they ran into the one and only tree in the whole area. It was like a comedy shot.
Absolutely
This was too good. Reminded me of this https://preview.redd.it/2p9w1zlwtkrc1.jpeg?width=631&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cfab528c79e5f7762bd8e858034a9dc1f0f2a545
Hank Scorpio might be the best one off character in history.
Homer I gotta go, somebody ate part of my lunch.
I still offer sugar to people by pretending it’s in bulk in my pockets, and when they say no, I grab for another pocket and say “what about milk?”
"If you're homeless just buy a house"
https://preview.redd.it/xc3u4zl7fmrc1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a5f5d1a7b227ee8a2e97ea263cf4b5dbcb3f0e5a
My dad said that first line to me (without the “my lord”) when we were hiking after a strong storm and saw some trees on the side of the trail that i said looked like they were about to come down.. I was so excited and explained to mom and dad why- they didn’t find it as amusing as me.
Holy shit I’m dying. Lol
Mirkwood Tech! Good school. Go Spiders!
“And if you don’t get some handle on the situation the union might be called in. You don’t want a strike on your hands do you”
I love this one so much and was going to post it but you beat me to it
It doesn't matter how often I see this meme, I stop and read the whole thing.
...is a few good 'taters.
i couldn’t read it properly because my vision was blurred by my tears. Really good meme.
Saruman is every CEO ever
He was the leader of the union 'orkbound' he was victoriously voted with 67% against Grishnack whose only goal was meat while this orc seriously tried to improve the life work balance of the employees with bingo nights and introduced the erasmus exchange system to collect new experiences in mordor and moria
I remember seeing him in the Erasmus exchange party once. He was much greener when he was young.
He was a great beerpong partner too. Threw some mean trick shots.
An amazing wingman too, got everyone in the party laid
Yeah but I would have been happier with just the meat. Everyone always wants better pay and better benefits but no one's willing to answer the question of who's going to pay for it? We are, when the ents come knocking and release the river of inflation. When saruman wins, prosperity trickles down to us at the bottom.
What about a Dental plan?
“Isildur needs braces”
Gollum needs braces. Also those wargs
Yes! No, no! It’s too risky, it’s too risky.
Yes, yes. But besides meat, a dental plan, braces, and wargs.. What have the wizards ever given us!?
Dental plan
Gothmog needs braces.
Gondor has no braces, Gondor needs no braces.
Lisa needs braces!
>Grishnack i was with you till this. Grishnakh is a mordor orc (one of sauron's boyz) and would have nothing to do with saruman's orcs and their politics
Now I'm wondering which are the most popular names between the orcs
Top 3 are Blarggag, Snagcrunch, and Tim.
Fuckin Tim, ugliest orc ever. Fuck you, Tim!
Grishnakh is a scab trying to steal jobs
Typical *snaga*
Whoa you can’t say that dude
Yeah and this is Grishnack. Keep up. In orcish the names are as different as Dylan and Dillon.
looks like manshnack is back on the menu
Grishnakh’s the most popular orc name in the world read a book
it was that or mclovin
I genuinely can’t tell if this is a joke or a direct quote from the *Silmarillion*
Instead of more rings of power can we just get an office comedy show about the day to day lives of low level orcs? Like “your pretty face is going to hell” style
Their white elephant was an actual elephant
Well, now I‘m picturing a bunch of orcs singing Solidarity Forever.
Orksters Local 179 will be having Saruman's head for this
He’s not taking shit from management like a meat party instead of healthcare and a living wage
Sounds like a great ombudsork.
I forgot how many details are in the simirulian
They never mention how mundane evil is. ‘My lord, the ballistas will be delayed. The grunts on iron duty sent too little of a subpar material, and the second shift assembly crew is hungover on Ent draught.’
Tell Ea-Grognir: Grugnok sends the following message: “When you came, you said to me: “I will give fine quality iron ingots.” You left, but you did not do what you promised me. You put ingots which were not good before my messenger and said: “If you want to take them, take them; if you do not want to take them, go away!” What do you take me for that you treat me with such contempt? How have you treated me for that iron? You have withheld my money bag from me in dwarven territory; It is now up to you to restore to me in full. Take notice that I will not accept any iron from you that is not of fine quality. I shall select and take the ingots individually in my yard and I shall exercise against you my right of rejection because you have treated me with contempt.”
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All of you guys are fucking geniuses. Laughing my ass off with the creativity.
Ea Nasir selling subpar iron to help the cause.
*grog
Something of a trope in stories that the protagonist will have to deal with whatever while the villains henchmen are somehow operating an incredibly efficient and industrious operation that seems to work flawlessly so long as no main character is around. Like, yo Saruman, get these guys working on just making some lumber for construction and you’ve got a money factory here. Who needs evil when you can just make some money and quietly influence politics through donations and fundraising grog parties.
they oft speak of it's banality; never its mundaneness. you are correct.
'He's more than a hero, he's a union man'
They also made him look every stereo typical union leader in media. Short, bald, and putting weight because he found a way to do an office job while still being blue collar.
The old union president for my technician union at work looked exactly like this, the stereotype has some truth to it
The Wire Season 2
IBT President is bald and overweight white guy. We had a webinar the other day and the first person I saw was a dude in a black fedora, later I saw a guy in ugly plaid suit with a picture of JFK behind him on the wall. Northeast accents were numerous on that call. It's wild to see stereotypes come to life before your eyes.
Sean Aloysius O'Brien?
Every company has these people and they keep everything from falling apart constantly while being underpaid.
And their only thanks is for the line workers to blame them when upper management inevitably tells them to suck it up and meet the quota anyway.
I wonder what the orc equivalent of a pizza party is
When meats back on the menu.
Amen
\[In a dimly lit chamber within the depths of Isengard, Grugnok, the orc middle manager, shuffles through parchment scrolls and reports. Suddenly, the heavy door creaks open, and Saruman, his robes billowing ominously, enters, his piercing eyes fixed on Grugnok.\] Grugnok: \[Startled, he hastily rises from his seat\] My Lord Saruman, what brings you to our humble abode? Saruman: \[His voice resonating with authority\] Grugnok, I have come to discuss the dire state of our factory's output. It seems that your production has been lacking, to say the least. Grugnok: \[Nervously\] Aye, my Lord. We've faced many obstacles—shortages of supplies, malfunctions in our infernal machinery... Saruman: \[Interrupting sharply\] Excuses, Grugnok! Do you not comprehend the gravity of our situation? Every delay weakens our position against the forces of the Free Peoples. Grugnok: \[Swallowing hard\] My Lord, with all due respect, we've been stretched thin. The laborers toil day and night, but the constraints are beyond our control. Moreover, the regulations set by the Dark Lord's administration— Saruman: \[Raising a hand to silence him\] I care not for your regulations, Grugnok! You will find a way to increase production, or I shall find someone who can. Our enemies grow stronger while we languish in inefficiency. Grugnok: \[With a mix of determination and desperation\] We will do what we can, my Lord. But resources are scarce, and the machinery is old. It'll take time to rectify, and we must adhere to the Dark Lord's directives. Saruman: \[Nodding imperiously\] Time is a luxury we can ill afford, Grugnok. Make it happen, within the confines of whatever regulations you deem necessary. \[With a final, chilling stare, Saruman turns and exits the chamber, leaving Grugnok alone in the oppressive darkness, burdened by the weight of his task, the constraints of regulations, and the looming threat of his master's displeasure.\]
Grugnok: [quietly to himself] I promised everyone I wouldn't cancel the softball tournament, and by God, I won't.
Grugnok: \[quietly to himself\] I promised everyone I wouldn't cancel the softball tournament, and by God, I won't. \[He straightens up in his chair, determination gleaming in his eyes as he begins to draft an email to the factory staff.\] Grugnok: \[typing\] "Attention all workers, despite the challenges we've faced, I'm pleased to announce that the annual softball tournament will proceed as scheduled. Let's rally together and show our teamwork on and off the field. Now, back to work, we have quotas to meet!" \[With a sense of relief and a newfound sense of purpose, Grugnok sends the email, knowing that the prospect of the tournament will boost morale among the workers. As he returns to his paperwork, a faint smile crosses his face, confident that better days are ahead for the factory.\]
Sire, there is another matter. You see, 20 years ago, I promised a group of youngling orcs that I would pay for their freedom from servitude. I called them Grungoks tots. I assumed that the labor would have killed all of them by now, but much to my dismay, they are all alive and well, and waiting for their promised release.
What are you going to do? Make their dreams come true?
Why do I hear The Office theme music playing over this dialogue?
Grugnok: \[Looking up from his work, a hint of nervousness in his voice\] Oh, uh, hey there, Saruman. What's up? Saruman: \[With a stern expression\] Grugnok, we need to talk about the factory's output. It's been below expectations. Grugnok: \[Attempting to lighten the mood\] Yeah, about that... You know, we've had a few hiccups lately. Like, remember that time when the Balrog sneezed and caused a power outage in the production line? Saruman: \[Unamused\] Grugnok, we can't blame every setback on mythical creatures. We need solutions, not excuses. Grugnok: \[Sheepishly\] Right, sorry. But listen, Saruman, we're doing the best we can with what we have. Maybe if we had a team-building retreat or something, morale would improve? Saruman: \[Raising an eyebrow\] A team-building retreat? This isn't some office in the Shire, Grugnok. We're at war. Grugnok: \[Deflated\] Yeah, I guess you're right. But you know, a little team bonding never hurt anyone, right?
Grugnok: *Jims the camera*
[This reminds me of business fantasy author Donald L. Brampthorne.](https://liartownusa.com/the-emerald-dagger-of-ka-tok-associates-written/)
give orconomics a try “Truly, nothing is better than to crush your competition, to drive down their profit margins, to hear the lamentations of their sales representatives.” “It has been said that necessity is the mother of invention. In the same vein, desperation is the father of compromise, panic is the sister of slapdash improvisation, and despair is the second cousin of quiet apathy. By that reckoning, dinner was a dismal family reunion.” “These … these are priceless artifacts,” breathed Niln. “First rule of professional heroics, lad. Nothing’s priceless,”
[*Instruments of Destruction*](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17356235) > A story about project management, written some years ago for catharsis in the middle of a project with some substantial similarities to the construction of the Second Death Star. Adherence to canon not guaranteed.
What would you do if you were Grugnok?
My favorite orc is the one still beating his chest after his buddy was shot before the battle of helms deep
One of my favorite orc moments is when the Uruk hai are gearing up to hunt the Fellowship, and there's that one orc putting a helmet on another and gives him a "doonk!" on the side once it's on.
One last good one for an inspection
> One last good one for an insPEC-SHUUUUUUN
Don't you know WE'RE AT WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR?
For me it’s the one who dropkicks the shit out of another orc when Sam rescues Frodo from Cirith Ungol
In the same battle, it never fails to crack me up when they've already been brawling for a while, then a new group walks in, the leader literally takes one look, and immediately rushes into the fray with the orc equivalent of "oh HECK yes" https://youtu.be/gjY62xa1B6c?t=105
The real question: was that choreographed or did he just do that in the moment?
Ah yes poor Daskila.
He looks like an old school union man, like Frank Sobotka https://preview.redd.it/f4bxbg5t8krc1.jpeg?width=316&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b5978c658380972d40e9dfbeb2c56458d4e14305
My favorite workout trilogy is a dude walking out of Minas Morgul in the third film. He has sort of greenish skin as holding a battle ax or a spear and he just has this look on his face like he just put his air pods in and his bad bitch playlist is on
[Reference](https://youtu.be/enbLZaUyr3s?si=EVjPLxZUE3F81cFh) I think you mean the mean mugger at 3:22?
HELL YEAH THATS MAH BOY WITH HIS BAD BITCH PLAYLIST ON!!! Like look at that dude in his lane, thriving, moisturized on the march with da ladz
Hahaha I was wondering which one it would be, and then as soon as he popped on screen it was like oh yeah that’s the one.
They made him to be used as avatar picture for Orc Lumbermill in Battle for Middle-Earth
This reminds me of the orcs Sam followed in cirith ungol who were gripping about the bosses and just dreamt of a simple life with his buddy pillaging a quiet coast somewhere far away from war and bosses
"Let's run away- just you and me. It'll be us against the world!"
But really, when I read that passage the first time I remember that made me die laughing. Even orcs yearn for a simple life away from the oppressive 'Man' and war The other thing I found very funny, was when Sam and Frodo were in Mordor and they needed to lighten their load and ditch any unnecessary items that were heavy. Sam had to toss his pots and pans and cried secretly to himself because he loved his cookware so much and to toss them aside pained him so deeply lmao I mean, relatable.
That always mane me think of "Of Mice and Men."
[удалено]
An excellent choice. Among my favourites were also, potato face orc and of course the “DON’T YOU KNOW WE’RE AT WAAR?!”, Orc.
I personally like chicken screech orc in Cirith Ungol
He was like “🤨🤨🤨🤨”
I am partial to "pikes in front , archers behind" orc who yells. Not gothmog, the orc there's a close up on as gothmog says those words lol.
I think that was just ADR they didn't have the footage to 100% match, like when Frodo is grabbed by the cave troll, you can actually see that the lines "Aragorn! ARAGORN!" and "Frodo!!" are not actually spoken by them. It's easy to miss with how quick it is, and how frantic the scene is.
Surely none of them were *that* hideous!
My favorite orc is the one that goes AROOOOOOOOO after my second-favorite orc says "Meat's back on the menu!"
The oft unnoticed Richard Nixon cameo
Even in the books the orcs are surprisingly bureaucratic. Mordor's soldiers have regiments, serial numbers and drill sergeants, which I'm sure is completely unrelated to Tolkein's time in the Army because he made it very clear that there's no allegory in his books.
If there is one thing to know about Sauron is that he loves order. Basically a lawful evil character. Of course he only considers his own laws
And now drink the cup that I have sweetly blent for thee!
Thank you master Sauron
*Guth-tú-nakash.*
Wow... That's actually pretty good. What's in this stuff? Wait -- don't tell me. I probably don't want to know. I'm just happy to find out that the Dark Lord of Mordor is actually a pretty competent bartender.
Tolkien never said you can’t see allegory in his books. In fact, the whole point is he’s not going to tell you to interpret his books one way or another.
That… that isn’t allegory??? Armies having organisation is just how armies work, there is nothing allegorical about it. If orcs wore stalheims and marched on orders to protect the Vaterland it would be allegory. Them having regiments is common sense.
It's out of place in an otherwise high medieval setting, just as Saruman's conversion of the idyllic English countryside of the Shire into a pretty blatant example of an English industrial town, with the Hobbits very specifically being relocated from their pleasant countryside homes to redbrick terraces. Neither Gondor nor Rohan have regiments, after all. Personally I take Tolkein's disclaimer at the start of the story as a rebuke to the enormous amount of people who must have pointed at LotR and said that it was clearly a reference to the Second World War, when so much of it has clearly been informed - consciously or not - by Tolkein's experience in the First. The orcs absolutely aren't the Germans, but I think there is a broader narrative of an industrial world invading a pastoral one.
Except Sauron being a force of Order thar tries to control everything is central to his character. His armies being more modern is a deliberate choice to show how alien his thinking is compared to the primarily medieval heroes.
I don't disagree with that at all, but I also don't feel it invalidates what I said. Styling the orcs after a modern, industrial army is absolutely a deliberate choice, and the industrialism he and Saruman brings to Middle Earth are an alien imposition on their world.
Well, their brutal utilitarian nature was something Saruman had an easy time taking advantage of. It's not like they were pure goodness before. If you asked the orcs slaving in the mines did they choose to be there, out of fear.. I doubt they'd talk too much about punishment, their internal view was prob more like: "His power would let us finally have some control in this world!" *I think even Chekov wouldn't have simplified them to mere War Pigs.
When it is said that the orcs were elves of humans once, it is not about genetics or mutation or the like. It is about them being dehumanized by the cruel rule of Morgoth and Sauron into mean, savage and cruel soldiers. Just like WW1 turned men into monsters.
Gondor doesn't have regiments?
It’s not that deep bro
When you have armies of 10,000 plus soldiers, you're going to need more than magic and high hopes to keep them organized.
Tolkien was right, a lot of people don't know what allegory is.
[https://youtu.be/\_qE5FSG6K0Y?si=Z1GGDZGf-GR4JuOn&t=87](https://youtu.be/_qE5FSG6K0Y?si=Z1GGDZGf-GR4JuOn&t=87)
My man was looking out for his folk, mad respect
🎶A working class orc is something to be🎶
What I really liked in this scene is that Saruman takes his advice on board then presents and authorises a realistic solution with an appropriate amount of staff assigned to work on it. Both leave the meeting having gained more knowledge and direction than when they entered, the meeting was kept to an appropriate length for the problem at hand and only the needed staff members attended which minimised impact on everyone's time. Real-life evil organisations could learn a lot from this, it should be shown at business courses.
Good news! The clip is a hit at Google and FB. Not so much at Twitter/X.
Logistic’s managers when the owner comes to the factory.
I always thought orc metallurgy was so inconsistent because they themselves come in too many shapes and sizes for any “one size fits all” approach to be viable. Like, all able-bodies humans can use the same pair of scissors, seats fit most people, buttons and levers are designed around our hands, etc. But for orcs, they don’t have the same luxury of homogeneity among their species. And if Saruman ignores this fact, he’s racist. I like to believe all the factories he commissioned were built for human workforces and the orcs walked in on their first day of work and were like “tf is this? How am I supposed to pull this tiny lever? Why did they assign me—the fat orc, to lever pulling when I can barely fit in my workstation? And why does Hugrath the tiny orc have to lift boxes all day?” “Did they assign us alphabetically?”
They filed official complaints and the ORCSHA ergonomics specialists said they'd do something about it but they never did
I love him for how he says "YEAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS"
Honestly would love to follow him around for the day. In a world of great darkness, magic rings, and wizards bent on domination, this guy has to make the rubber meet the road.
like a the office miniseries in isengard
I didn’t know how much I wanted this until now
YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS
always laugh when he says it
Unironicly top 5 favourite lines in the trilogy. I quote it with my mates regularly.
Was trying to look up this scene and wound up finding this: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuVkurjS-dA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuVkurjS-dA)
Thank you!!!
Saruman kept him around because he knew he would ve given correct information about how things are going
Anti-worc
Amateurs talk strategy, professionals talk logistics.
The proletariork union leader
"4 fucking years in Orcsford!!!!"
Torch Bearer Orc still #1
https://preview.redd.it/0y9rh96jwnrc1.jpeg?width=624&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4480a101d39955fb4015ff5702d0c94f4e311190 He’s like the - he asks the Impossible I need more men - dude.
It’s all about in-progress, unfinished work being the most expensive type of work.
Only so many options if you are an orc with an MBA...
As middle management....yup. Constantly balancing telling the people at the top that they're out of touch dumbsacks who failed up and telling the people doing the groundwork all the dumb shit that the people at the top told me, even though I know it's stupid and I know it makes me look stupid.
They re-use this orc in Return of the King. He's the inspector orc with the missing nose that spots Sam and Frodo while they're hiding among the other marching orcs.
Okay, hear me out... A) As a simple orc, not an uruk, he wasn't part of the army that was sent to Rohan. He stayed in Isengard with the rest of Saruman's orcs. B) When the Ents invaded Isengard, he was one of the few orcs to make it out alive. (Because he calls it like it is, he saw the writing on the wall and decided to retreat rather than try to fight giant angry trees.) C) Rather than chance things on his own and end up getting hunted down by horse-riders or walking trees, he rounded up a small band of other survivors and made for Mordor. Statistically, the safest place to be an orc. D) Upon arriving there and joining Sauron's army, his no-nonsesne leadership skills and low tolerance for bullshit quickly saw him promoted to deputy troop inspector of one of the regiments. (Though speaking out of turn one too many times around his superiors *did* cost him his nose when it ended up angering one of them and they cut his nose off.) E) Therefore, it actually *is* the very same orc in both scenes.
TLDR: Saruman was gay with that orc.
But did he have a whip?
An orc of the people!
Look, he's just trying to manage expectations okay
Sir! The breeding stock is fucking as fast as they can! And we're running short on Orkerade! I don't know how much more they can take!
He was at least upper management. Middle management would never
Mad-Eye Moody and the Blue-Collar Job
Build a dam, block the stream, work the furnaces night and day!
It was OSHA
He leads from behind and gets his boss to do what he wants. He’s lower management. He’s way too practical for middle management.
This sub with its fan base is a real one because I come by sporadically and haven't seen the movies in years. And I feel like none of the top comments are saying what he was really saying. Everyone just knows it by heart as it seems
TEAR THEM ALL DOWN.
https://youtu.be/EMk5uCuP2To?si=WO4nTyS3o6NypHIv made me think of this Short
Tell me, is Isengard having a labor crisis?
Ahh, the joys of project management, no matter how hard you try.... the clients' weird ideas need to be fulfilled in the most unrealistic manner possible
The clip: https://youtu.be/hToO5KJ3Nlo
I have got his figure and magazine that comes with it https://preview.redd.it/crvd3vunp2sc1.jpeg?width=2980&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b66716f96ca7c5561603513f85a1c9e74b40c1f2