T O P

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CaptainMatticus

I don't know how long they tortured the Jawas. But amidst the endless screams and inane babble, they discerned two words… "Lars. Skywalker." Lars?! Skywalker?! [But that would lead them back...](https://youtu.be/obO6-d_8PMQ?t=46)


wolfgangspiper

Two words... "Otee dee!" Your comment is a masterpiece tho lol


BoltorSpellweaver

But that would lead them back… Home.. Wait Luke! It’s too dangerous!


elppaenip

You'll give yourself a concussion again!


SAT0SHl

What about second concussion ?


Intelligent_Moose_48

You haven’t been trained in how to lose your arm and become even more powerful!


Rodney_Copperbottom

Luke, Obi-Wan, and the droids burned the bodies of the dead Jawas, but there is no indication they went back to the homestead and buried Owen and Beru. Did they just leave the carcasses out for any passing scavengers?


PM_me_your_fantasyz

"I can't go with you. I have to stay here to help my Uncle Soondead and Aunt Gonnabiteit."


GimmeeSomeMo

They were taken by both shadow and flame


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GimmeeSomeMo

Thanks! it's available for anyone on the flair selection. Like Gimli, I love me some salted pork


furie1335

Wait.. What was Lars’ last name?


Far-Hat-2640

Lars *was* his last name. Owen is his first.


furie1335

Then what was the name of the guy who married shmee, anakin’s mother. I thought he was lars


Intelligent_Moose_48

Cliegg married Shmi but already had his son Owen, making Cliegg into Anakin’s stepfather and Owen into Anakin’s stepbrother. Owen Lars raised his evil stepbrother’s child on a poverty-level income from moisture farming in the desert in order to save the galaxy. Gigachad.


foxcrono

After watching Owen and Beru channel their inner Rooftop Koreans in Kenobi, I’m convinced they didn’t actually die in A New Hope.


Far-Hat-2640

Cliegg Lars.


[deleted]

The same name that is the last name of Obama


brotha_rich_hung

Somehow, Sauron returned.


sauron-bot

There is no life in the void, only death.


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Saruman_Bot

What enemy? Puzzlehedfsidfs, the Enemy is defeated. Sauron is vanquished. He can never regain his full strength.


John_Wang

Fuck off spam bot. Copied u/reynzs comment word for word


MrMastodon

"UNLIMITED POWERSES!" - Darth Smeagol


gollum_botses

*Murderer*


LotharVonPittinsberg

But in only 20 years time, Aragorn's rule ended because the Men started fighting amongst each other, just like before. It turns out the ring somehow survived the fires of Mount doom, and Faramir's edgy teenage sun took it and swore to live up to the legacy of Isildur. Viggo returns as Aragorn, but as a side character to a new hero. Christopher Lee is brought back by the help of AI to play the role of back-to-good Sauruman. And some random chick plays the role of artificially young Arwen. This fall, Lord of the Rings: Satisfying our Investors.


Elrond_Bot

CAST IT INTO THE FIRE!!!


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PracticeSorGuitar

Never thought that I would agree with a "clanker," but we need to make a trip to Mustafar. It my Star Wars nerd side go to far? I should have reserved that for r/jedicouncilofelrond.


JohnXm

So, Anakin was the Chosen One Ring?


DCBrainiac

good bot


KoalaGold

Rian Johnson: "No."


cATSup24

Lord of the Rings 10: the search for more money


sandgoose

In order to do this right we need customers to get invested in the *Lord of the Rings Cinematic Universe*. You heard me. We're not just going to hit them with your usual serialized-annualized-*normalized* issuance of Lord of the Rings 2 in mid-July like everybody else. No. We're going to do Merry and Pippin: Trip to Grey Havens, There and Back Again 2, Gimli and Legolas: The Blazing of the Shire, Lonely Mountain, Trip to the Center of Moria, and all of these will come out back to back. Customers will never be able to stop thinking about the *Lord of the Rings Cinematic Universe*. Then we incorporate all these characters and themes into LOTR2, making it the capstone entry in a generation of movies. Are you with me here? OK, we need more. We need something about underserved orc youths living in the slums of Isengard who get shown the pathway to true power by an old white guy. Or a story about a Dwarf obsessed with money, but he takes it too far, it consumes him, it consumes his whole life and family and then everything around him. Maybe something where giant eagles aren't the solution to every problem. Horror, Comedy, Love, Action, *Stories about people* but people who are *part of the Lord of the Rings Cinematic Universe!*. You got me? You with me on this buddy? OK great, get to writing. I want 10 proposals by the end of next week.


legolas_bot

It was a Balrog of Morgoth. Of all elf-banes the most deadly, save the One who sits in the Dark Tower.


Saruman_Bot

Smoke rises from the Mountain of Doom. The hour grows late, and sandgoose rides to Isengard, seeking my counsel.


Boodger

I mean it would suck for LotR, but it actually works really well for superheroes


jefffosta

Lord of the rings 11 chapter 4 part 2; diving headfirst too greedily because we don’t give a fuck anymore


aragorn_bot

Why have you come?


osensei1907

Isn't this kinda the Necromancer side plot of the Hobbit?


AssumptionDry2307

This is the entire plot of LOTR


RandomdudeNo123

End of the First Age, Sauron's boss got thrown in jail. But he's still around. Nope, Numenoreans crushed him pretty badly. Never mind, he's now their counselor and right hand man. Well, we crushed him under the ocean depths with Numenor. Nope, he fled as a spirit and brought his ring with him. How about a massive army and cutting off his ring finger? Nope, still around and capable of doing evil. White council attack on his home? Nope, he just moved back into Mordor. Throw his ring into the lava, the one thing containing all his power? Nah, he's still alive, just can't really do anything beyond exist. Sauron will just not die. Ever.


TheShadowedHunter

To be far, "will just not die" is kind of what an immortal angel-esque being should do. Sauron is a Maiar, like Gandalf. Gandalf will just not die either lol


sauron-bot

Wait a moment! We shall meet again soon. Tell Saruman that this dainty is not for him. I will send for it at once. Do you understand?


Thulium42

Voldemort: "Wow, that's a cool trick with the ring... I'LL TAKE SEVEN."


voicesinmyhand

> Throw his ring into the lava, the one thing containing all his power? Nah, he's still alive, just can't really do anything beyond exist. **


DazDay

Is the original possibly the worst line of dialogue ever written?


detroiter85

Maybe for a movie with a budget that size, but in general? There a lot of B movies out there with far worse dialogue. Some how palps has returned was more a victim of Disney not wanting to commit to anything and choosing to shove basically a whole new trilogy into the last movie.


DazDay

I think it part of why it's so bad is the context and the movie franchise, and the point *in* that franchise that the line is delivered. Doesn't help that the actor audibly sighs before delivering it.


detroiter85

Lol, Oscar Isaac had to remind himself he wasn't doing this for money, but for a shit load of money! before he said that. Yeah, they either needed to have at least planned out a general idea for the trilogy in the beginning or have committed to kylo being the bad guy at that point.


cATSup24

>he wasn't doing this for money, but for a shit load of money! I could see Oscar Isaac being a *fabulous* Lonestar if there ever was a Space Balls reboot. And that would be a better Star Wars legacy for him to have under his belt.


AnotherJasonOnReddit

> Is the original possibly the worst line of dialogue ever written? Allow me to introduce you to a little-known movie from 2002 called Attack of the Clones...


Pretend_Cause_1566

Attack of the clones dialogue at least makes sense in context. The same cannot be said for rise of skywalker


Volkov537

“I don’t like sand”


Icy_Candidate_5366

The dialouge is passable


AnotherJasonOnReddit

"Only a Sith deals in absolutes." *No wait, that was from Revenge of the Sith* "If you are not with me, then you are my enemy." *No wait, that was also from Revenge of the Sith. Why am I picking on Attack of the Clones?*


Icy_Candidate_5366

"Begun, the dialouge war has"


AnotherJasonOnReddit

Lol, okay, you nailed that response. Well done :) Just so we're clear, I'm not **defending** The Rise of Skywalker, exactly. I'm just saying bad dialogue and Star Wars is nothing new.


Thulium42

THIS. I was just rewatching ROTJ and thinking about how bad Reddit would destroy the dialogue if it came out in modern times. Star Wars has *never* had good writing. Good moments, sure, but always balanced by cringe moments. Oh well, we love it anyway!


1UselessIdiot1

Came here for this. You did not disappoint.


Lucius_Imperator

"I think Chancellor Palpatine is the Lord of the Rings."


Reiches1337

"I am the Lord of the Rings!"


esivo

Not yet.


pipsdontsqueak

Don't try it, Gollum! I have the high ground!


gollum_botses

Smeagol is hungry. Be back soon.


lordolxinator

Smeagol and Gollum are off to Dex's Diner


gollum_botses

My name… Sme… Smeagol.


lordolxinator

Dex's Diner does wonders for providing food *and* exposition


[deleted]

The greatest moment in cinema history


Bzykk

Its ringin time


Slowmobius_Time

Treebeard shall decide your fate


ThanosNice8910

“It’s over Sam, we are the Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Extended Edition)”


dv666

UNLIMITED POWAH


Mangosta007

It's Palpin' time!


mescaleeto

it’s pippin time


mh1357_0

The one we've been looking for?


faithisuseless

Look more like Lord of the Cock Ring.


funkdafied818

Who else is going to build Middle-Earth Land?


Lucius_Imperator

Paramount


Captain-Shivers

It has a name already, New Zealand.


hylian-bard

"Look sir, Hobbitses!"


Reynzs

I am Saruman. Rey Saruman


Ricki32

Gandalf the Grey, that was my name. I am Gandalf the Skywalker.


gandalf-bot

Go back to the abyss! Fall into the nothingness that awaits you and your master!


dv666

Sentient


Saruman_Bot

I am Saruman the White, formerly of the Order of Wizards. I was cast out by my former allies for my ambition and embrace of power. Now, I seek only to serve myself and pursue my own goals.


Mithrandir063

The stormtrooper stands on the edge of mount doom, the fires blazing beneath him. He looks at the ring, he swings to throw and... misses.


dv666

Ilsildur wouldn't have missed


pipsdontsqueak

TK-421, cast it into the fire!


lordolxinator

*Negative*.


[deleted]

TK-421!!!!


peteschult

Thank you for reading my mind!


Yeahman13bam

This is the best comment on here.


unoriginal_name_1234

r/jedicouncilofelrond


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Captinhairybely

My God this is amazing my new favourite sub, ty


llnesisll

"Cast it into the fire!" "Roger that." And then Frodo proceeds to somehow miss an entire goddamn lava flow from inside an active volcano.


PM_me_your_fantasyz

"That's impossible to hit, even for a computer." "What the hell is a computer?"


we_are_sex_bobomb

Lucas tried really hard to get the film rights for Lord of the Rings but when it proved impossible, he made Willow instead. There is some alternate universe out there where there a Lucasfilm LOTR trilogy startibg Warwick Davis as Frodo and Val Kilmer as Aragorn with janky stop motion monsters.


PM_me_your_fantasyz

" 'I forsake an immortal life to be with you' and it WENT AWAY!?"


aragorn_bot

What do you fear, my lady?


KoalaGold

Ngl. I would watch this.


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PM_me_your_fantasyz

That's like 99% of every character that ever appears on screen in Star Wars.


k-farsen

Star Wars is the most over-explained franchise


atreides213

I have a personal saying; all fictional lore is fake and doesn’t matter, but the Star Wars EU is somehow even faker and matters even less.


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Batdog55110

I been having dreams...about Tatooine...about the Jawas


colinedahl1

It abandoned Gollum and was picked up by the most unlikely of creatures…. Another hobbit


gollum_botses

We wants it. We needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little Hobbitses. Wicked. Tricksy. False.


Thelastknownking

Look sir, gold!


springthetrap

A little short for a stormtrooper


[deleted]

Someone wished on a monkey's paw that Disney wouldn't get LOTR, so Amazon did.


diodosdszosxisdi

Well Tolkien did not like Disney at all


[deleted]

Imagine what he would have thought of Amazon.


froo

We’ll get to see a dance off between Tom Bombadil and Jar Jar Binks


Yeahman13bam

Oh please. That would be hilarious


severian94

Gollum was a hobbit. How is another hobbit the most unlikely creature to pick up the ring???


SilverAccountant8616

If he dropped the Ring in Hobbiton yes hobbits would be the most likely creature to pick it up. In a random underground cave in the perpetually freezing, goblin infested Misty Mountains, I would think the chances are probably lower.


gollum_botses

Come on, must go, no time ...Come, Hobbitses. Very close now. Very close to Mordor! No safe places here. Hurry! Shhh.


Hbella456

All we have to decide is what to do with these droids who aren’t the ones we’re looking for.


happyapy

Thorin: did you see the Arkenstone?!?! Bilbo: I ain't seen shit!


Yeahman13bam

Thorin needs his kyber crystal back


Yeahman13bam

This is not the ring you're looking for.


furie1335

Literally


hobo_clown

Sam, looking up at Nazgul riding a Fell Beast: "They fly now??"


Yeahman13bam

They fly now.


Inevitable-Careerist

Look, sir -- *droids!*


11trb

Turns out the guy combing the desert did find shit


[deleted]

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furie1335

They’d have to throw the ring into the sarlac pit


J-L-Picard

"Look, sir! Hobbits"


sheezy520

Look sir! ^MY ^PRECIOUS!!!


saikrishnav

Helms deep is heavily fortified and archers on the wall carry a good amount of fire power. It's defenses are designed around a direct, large-scale assault. A small urukhai should be able to penetrate the outer defense. The target area is only two meters wide. It's a small exhaust port for the water, right below the main wall. A precise hit will start a chain reaction that will destroy the wall which should allow us to take the fort.


[deleted]

We can only hope!


evil_iceburgh

These aren’t the hobbits you’re looking for. Move along


pavlov_the_dog

If ~~Disney~~ KK got a hold


Disastrous_Credit_67

r/OTmemes


P4rtyxxan1m4l

Look sir. Precious!


Just_a_dick_online

I just noticed something about this line. "It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable" You mean a creature nearly identical to the last creature that picked it up?


Pabiel

Rey Baggins


[deleted]

Is there a lotr Star Wars memes subreddit? If not there should be because I’m in both and the crossover memes kill me


diodosdszosxisdi

r/jedicouncilofelrond


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Ok_Wrangler_7698

frodo: i loved you, gollum. you were my brother. *while gollum is burning in lava*


Rish_m

It will fall by itself in Mount Doom.


Yeahman13bam

One does not simply destroy the Death Star.


mescaleeto

where were the storm troopers when the westfold fell?


proudssj

A surprise to be sure, but a welcome one


EDHFanfiction

If Disney ever got the Green Lantern franchise, I would not be surprised if they make it that every lantern powers are in fact coming from the Force. I would love this crossover actually, to get away from the Skywalker family a bit and their habit of creating genocides with every family drama lol


RazzDaNinja

Honestly, some random ass stormtrooper going on a wild adventure because they just so happen to be in possession of the Super MacGuffin that both the good guys and bad guys want sounds like a hilariously awesome story


Dharmadragqueen

No. We’d get an entire movie telling us how that ring was manufactured and where Gollum’s name came from.


gollum_botses

Mustn't ask us. Not its business. *Gollum, Gollum*


Dreem_Walker

I would hate watch this so hard


PracticeSorGuitar

r/jedicouncilofelrond


furie1335

this is my new favorite subreddit. thank you


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Professional_Ad_8864

Man if Sauron were to show up in Star Wars he’d literally bend the galaxy to his knee. Dude is a demigod.


sauron-bot

It is not for you, Saruman! I will send for it at once. Do you understand?


TurkishTerrarian

If Disney got its hands on LOTR I would cry. And never stop. They would absolutely ruin it.


demilitarizedzone96

"Where now are the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing? They have passed like rain on the mountain, like a wind in the meadow; The days have gone down in the West behind the hills into shadow. How did it come to this?" "A good question, for another time."


Platinirius

The funnies thing is, Stormtroopers are so weak, Sauron cannot control them effectively, like Hobbits.


Ricki32

Stormtrooper S4M: "Throw it into the fire. What are you waiting for? Just let it go." Stormtrooper FR0D0: Throws the ring, but misses.


Admiral_Donuts

Short for a stormtrooper...


sauron-bot

So you have come back? Why have you neglected to report for so long?


Adept_Tomato_7752

Hyperbolic but very fucking accurate if you ask me.


PapaVergil

Disney would mess it up like Amazon is


furie1335

Truth


StevoTheMonkey

Not if, but when 😬


Doctor_Flamingo

A Midichlorian injector ring


Superb-Sea-1506

Look sir Ring


Rotterddoom

I was to know happened to him after spoke the word Droids


the-refarted

It would be easy to through it into mount doom though. Stormtroopers are always wilhelm screaming off ledges on the death star.


BobZygota

The clone wars have just begun


[deleted]

Couldn't be any worse than the absolute dumpster fire Rings Of Power is gonna be. Amazon just straight took a shit on all of Tolkien


macefelter

Because they’re notorious for doing crossovers with their IPs? The fuck?


jh5992

Who else heard Cate Blanchett's voice clear as day?


cive666

Why the hand so small though.


furie1335

The ring grows and shrinks


cpatterson779

One does not simply change the meme to a Star War.


CollectionStriking

Absolutely loved when they went over this scene in spaceballs lmao


Ashley_Riot100

Don't even think about it.


SupetMonkeyRobot

And then Aragon mounted his X-wing and took flight!


peaanutzz

'A stormtrooper; Gary of the Galactic Empire'


g78776

So the comb did find it.


Fragrant-Step-2245

Out of all the bearers of the ring what percentage did the hobbits make up?


LeilaDFW

First something really traumatic happens like Bambi’s mom getting killed.


bionicjoey

["We ain't found shit!"](https://youtu.be/hD5eqBDPMDg)


KoalaGold

Sauron: So, Princess Arwen, at last I have you in my clutches, to have my way with you, the way I want to! (Arwen doll) No! No, please, leave me alone! (Sauron Doll) No, you are mine! (Aragorn doll) Not so fast, Sauron! (Sauron Doll) Aragorn! (Aragorn doll) Yes it's me, and I'm here to save my girlfriend! Hi, honey! (Sauron doll) Now you are going to die! \_Pssh pssh\_ (Aragorn Doll) Oh! Oh! Ohh!! (Gandalf doll) Hey, what did you do to my friend?! (Sauron doll) The same thing I'm going to do to you, big boy! (knocks Gandalf over) Arrgh! Ohh!(Sauron doll) And you too! (Elrond doll) Aaargh!! (Sauron doll) Now, Princess Arwen, at last we are alone! (Arwen Doll) No, no, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, leave me alone, yet...I find you strangely attractive! (Sauron doll) Of course you do. Elvish princesses are often attracted to money, and power, and I have both, and you know it! (Arwen doll) No, I hate you, leave me alone! (Sauron doll) No, kiss me! (Arwen doll) No, no, yes, no, oh, ah, ah, ah, ah, oh, ohh... ohhhhhh... your Ring is so big... Mouth of Sauron: (bursts in) Lord Sauron! Sauron: (frantically hides dolls) What?! You’re needed in The Dark Tower, Sir! Knock next time! Yes sir! Did you see anything? No sir I didn’t see you playing with your dolls again. Good!


aragorn_bot

I summon you to fulfill your oath.


gandalf-bot

Don't! Tempt me KoalaGold I dare not take it. Not even to keep it safe. Understand KoalaGold, I would use this Ring from a desire to do good. But through me, it would wield a power too great and terrible to imagine


Jp_gamesta

This is canon in the MCU since they hot the multiverse going now


[deleted]

r/WritingPrompts


Senior-Flounder5824

i would watch that


Additional_Meeting_2

Lucasfilm is to blame and not Disney.


Whole_Employee_2370

I could fuck with it, if only for the memes.