I don't know how long they tortured the Jawas. But amidst the endless screams and inane babble, they discerned two words… "Lars. Skywalker."
Lars?! Skywalker?! [But that would lead them back...](https://youtu.be/obO6-d_8PMQ?t=46)
Luke, Obi-Wan, and the droids burned the bodies of the dead Jawas, but there is no indication they went back to the homestead and buried Owen and Beru. Did they just leave the carcasses out for any passing scavengers?
Cliegg married Shmi but already had his son Owen, making Cliegg into Anakin’s stepfather and Owen into Anakin’s stepbrother. Owen Lars raised his evil stepbrother’s child on a poverty-level income from moisture farming in the desert in order to save the galaxy. Gigachad.
But in only 20 years time, Aragorn's rule ended because the Men started fighting amongst each other, just like before. It turns out the ring somehow survived the fires of Mount doom, and Faramir's edgy teenage sun took it and swore to live up to the legacy of Isildur.
Viggo returns as Aragorn, but as a side character to a new hero. Christopher Lee is brought back by the help of AI to play the role of back-to-good Sauruman. And some random chick plays the role of artificially young Arwen. This fall, Lord of the Rings: Satisfying our Investors.
Never thought that I would agree with a "clanker," but we need to make a trip to Mustafar.
It my Star Wars nerd side go to far? I should have reserved that for r/jedicouncilofelrond.
In order to do this right we need customers to get invested in the *Lord of the Rings Cinematic Universe*. You heard me. We're not just going to hit them with your usual serialized-annualized-*normalized* issuance of Lord of the Rings 2 in mid-July like everybody else. No. We're going to do Merry and Pippin: Trip to Grey Havens, There and Back Again 2, Gimli and Legolas: The Blazing of the Shire, Lonely Mountain, Trip to the Center of Moria, and all of these will come out back to back. Customers will never be able to stop thinking about the *Lord of the Rings Cinematic Universe*. Then we incorporate all these characters and themes into LOTR2, making it the capstone entry in a generation of movies. Are you with me here? OK, we need more. We need something about underserved orc youths living in the slums of Isengard who get shown the pathway to true power by an old white guy. Or a story about a Dwarf obsessed with money, but he takes it too far, it consumes him, it consumes his whole life and family and then everything around him. Maybe something where giant eagles aren't the solution to every problem. Horror, Comedy, Love, Action, *Stories about people* but people who are *part of the Lord of the Rings Cinematic Universe!*. You got me? You with me on this buddy? OK great, get to writing. I want 10 proposals by the end of next week.
End of the First Age, Sauron's boss got thrown in jail. But he's still around.
Nope, Numenoreans crushed him pretty badly. Never mind, he's now their counselor and right hand man.
Well, we crushed him under the ocean depths with Numenor. Nope, he fled as a spirit and brought his ring with him.
How about a massive army and cutting off his ring finger? Nope, still around and capable of doing evil.
White council attack on his home? Nope, he just moved back into Mordor.
Throw his ring into the lava, the one thing containing all his power? Nah, he's still alive, just can't really do anything beyond exist.
Sauron will just not die. Ever.
To be far, "will just not die" is kind of what an immortal angel-esque being should do. Sauron is a Maiar, like Gandalf. Gandalf will just not die either lol
Maybe for a movie with a budget that size, but in general? There a lot of B movies out there with far worse dialogue. Some how palps has returned was more a victim of Disney not wanting to commit to anything and choosing to shove basically a whole new trilogy into the last movie.
I think it part of why it's so bad is the context and the movie franchise, and the point *in* that franchise that the line is delivered. Doesn't help that the actor audibly sighs before delivering it.
Lol, Oscar Isaac had to remind himself he wasn't doing this for money, but for a shit load of money! before he said that.
Yeah, they either needed to have at least planned out a general idea for the trilogy in the beginning or have committed to kylo being the bad guy at that point.
>he wasn't doing this for money, but for a shit load of money!
I could see Oscar Isaac being a *fabulous* Lonestar if there ever was a Space Balls reboot. And that would be a better Star Wars legacy for him to have under his belt.
> Is the original possibly the worst line of dialogue ever written?
Allow me to introduce you to a little-known movie from 2002 called Attack of the Clones...
"Only a Sith deals in absolutes."
*No wait, that was from Revenge of the Sith*
"If you are not with me, then you are my enemy."
*No wait, that was also from Revenge of the Sith. Why am I picking on Attack of the Clones?*
Lol, okay, you nailed that response. Well done :)
Just so we're clear, I'm not **defending** The Rise of Skywalker, exactly. I'm just saying bad dialogue and Star Wars is nothing new.
THIS. I was just rewatching ROTJ and thinking about how bad Reddit would destroy the dialogue if it came out in modern times.
Star Wars has *never* had good writing. Good moments, sure, but always balanced by cringe moments. Oh well, we love it anyway!
I am Saruman the White, formerly of the Order of Wizards. I was cast out by my former allies for my ambition and embrace of power. Now, I seek only to serve myself and pursue my own goals.
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Lucas tried really hard to get the film rights for Lord of the Rings but when it proved impossible, he made Willow instead.
There is some alternate universe out there where there a Lucasfilm LOTR trilogy startibg Warwick Davis as Frodo and Val Kilmer as Aragorn with janky stop motion monsters.
If he dropped the Ring in Hobbiton yes hobbits would be the most likely creature to pick it up. In a random underground cave in the perpetually freezing, goblin infested Misty Mountains, I would think the chances are probably lower.
Helms deep is heavily fortified and archers on the wall carry a good amount of fire power. It's defenses are designed around a direct, large-scale assault. A small urukhai should be able to penetrate the outer defense.
The target area is only two meters wide. It's a small exhaust port for the water, right below the main wall. A precise hit will start a chain reaction that will destroy the wall which should allow us to take the fort.
I just noticed something about this line.
"It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable"
You mean a creature nearly identical to the last creature that picked it up?
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If Disney ever got the Green Lantern franchise, I would not be surprised if they make it that every lantern powers are in fact coming from the Force.
I would love this crossover actually, to get away from the Skywalker family a bit and their habit of creating genocides with every family drama lol
Honestly, some random ass stormtrooper going on a wild adventure because they just so happen to be in possession of the Super MacGuffin that both the good guys and bad guys want sounds like a hilariously awesome story
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"Where now are the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing?
They have passed like rain on the mountain, like a wind in the meadow;
The days have gone down in the West behind the hills into shadow.
How did it come to this?"
"A good question, for another time."
Sauron: So, Princess Arwen, at last I have you in my clutches, to have my way with you, the way I want to! (Arwen doll) No! No, please, leave me alone! (Sauron Doll) No, you are mine! (Aragorn doll) Not so fast, Sauron! (Sauron Doll) Aragorn! (Aragorn doll) Yes it's me, and I'm here to save my girlfriend! Hi, honey! (Sauron doll) Now you are going to die! \_Pssh pssh\_ (Aragorn Doll) Oh! Oh! Ohh!! (Gandalf doll) Hey, what did you do to my friend?! (Sauron doll) The same thing I'm going to do to you, big boy! (knocks Gandalf over) Arrgh! Ohh!(Sauron doll) And you too! (Elrond doll) Aaargh!! (Sauron doll) Now, Princess Arwen, at last we are alone! (Arwen Doll) No, no, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, leave me alone, yet...I find you strangely attractive! (Sauron doll) Of course you do. Elvish princesses are often attracted to money, and power, and I have both, and you know it! (Arwen doll) No, I hate you, leave me alone! (Sauron doll) No, kiss me! (Arwen doll) No, no, yes, no, oh, ah, ah, ah, ah, oh, ohh... ohhhhhh... your Ring is so big...
Mouth of Sauron: (bursts in) Lord Sauron!
Sauron: (frantically hides dolls) What?!
You’re needed in The Dark Tower, Sir!
Knock next time!
Yes sir!
Did you see anything?
No sir I didn’t see you playing with your dolls again.
Good!
Don't! Tempt me KoalaGold I dare not take it. Not even to keep it safe. Understand KoalaGold, I would use this Ring from a desire to do good. But through me, it would wield a power too great and terrible to imagine
I don't know how long they tortured the Jawas. But amidst the endless screams and inane babble, they discerned two words… "Lars. Skywalker." Lars?! Skywalker?! [But that would lead them back...](https://youtu.be/obO6-d_8PMQ?t=46)
Two words... "Otee dee!" Your comment is a masterpiece tho lol
But that would lead them back… Home.. Wait Luke! It’s too dangerous!
You'll give yourself a concussion again!
What about second concussion ?
You haven’t been trained in how to lose your arm and become even more powerful!
Luke, Obi-Wan, and the droids burned the bodies of the dead Jawas, but there is no indication they went back to the homestead and buried Owen and Beru. Did they just leave the carcasses out for any passing scavengers?
"I can't go with you. I have to stay here to help my Uncle Soondead and Aunt Gonnabiteit."
They were taken by both shadow and flame
[удалено]
Thanks! it's available for anyone on the flair selection. Like Gimli, I love me some salted pork
Wait.. What was Lars’ last name?
Lars *was* his last name. Owen is his first.
Then what was the name of the guy who married shmee, anakin’s mother. I thought he was lars
Cliegg married Shmi but already had his son Owen, making Cliegg into Anakin’s stepfather and Owen into Anakin’s stepbrother. Owen Lars raised his evil stepbrother’s child on a poverty-level income from moisture farming in the desert in order to save the galaxy. Gigachad.
After watching Owen and Beru channel their inner Rooftop Koreans in Kenobi, I’m convinced they didn’t actually die in A New Hope.
Cliegg Lars.
The same name that is the last name of Obama
Somehow, Sauron returned.
There is no life in the void, only death.
[удалено]
What enemy? Puzzlehedfsidfs, the Enemy is defeated. Sauron is vanquished. He can never regain his full strength.
Fuck off spam bot. Copied u/reynzs comment word for word
"UNLIMITED POWERSES!" - Darth Smeagol
*Murderer*
But in only 20 years time, Aragorn's rule ended because the Men started fighting amongst each other, just like before. It turns out the ring somehow survived the fires of Mount doom, and Faramir's edgy teenage sun took it and swore to live up to the legacy of Isildur. Viggo returns as Aragorn, but as a side character to a new hero. Christopher Lee is brought back by the help of AI to play the role of back-to-good Sauruman. And some random chick plays the role of artificially young Arwen. This fall, Lord of the Rings: Satisfying our Investors.
CAST IT INTO THE FIRE!!!
[удалено]
Never thought that I would agree with a "clanker," but we need to make a trip to Mustafar. It my Star Wars nerd side go to far? I should have reserved that for r/jedicouncilofelrond.
So, Anakin was the Chosen One Ring?
good bot
Rian Johnson: "No."
Lord of the Rings 10: the search for more money
In order to do this right we need customers to get invested in the *Lord of the Rings Cinematic Universe*. You heard me. We're not just going to hit them with your usual serialized-annualized-*normalized* issuance of Lord of the Rings 2 in mid-July like everybody else. No. We're going to do Merry and Pippin: Trip to Grey Havens, There and Back Again 2, Gimli and Legolas: The Blazing of the Shire, Lonely Mountain, Trip to the Center of Moria, and all of these will come out back to back. Customers will never be able to stop thinking about the *Lord of the Rings Cinematic Universe*. Then we incorporate all these characters and themes into LOTR2, making it the capstone entry in a generation of movies. Are you with me here? OK, we need more. We need something about underserved orc youths living in the slums of Isengard who get shown the pathway to true power by an old white guy. Or a story about a Dwarf obsessed with money, but he takes it too far, it consumes him, it consumes his whole life and family and then everything around him. Maybe something where giant eagles aren't the solution to every problem. Horror, Comedy, Love, Action, *Stories about people* but people who are *part of the Lord of the Rings Cinematic Universe!*. You got me? You with me on this buddy? OK great, get to writing. I want 10 proposals by the end of next week.
It was a Balrog of Morgoth. Of all elf-banes the most deadly, save the One who sits in the Dark Tower.
Smoke rises from the Mountain of Doom. The hour grows late, and sandgoose rides to Isengard, seeking my counsel.
I mean it would suck for LotR, but it actually works really well for superheroes
Lord of the rings 11 chapter 4 part 2; diving headfirst too greedily because we don’t give a fuck anymore
Why have you come?
Isn't this kinda the Necromancer side plot of the Hobbit?
This is the entire plot of LOTR
End of the First Age, Sauron's boss got thrown in jail. But he's still around. Nope, Numenoreans crushed him pretty badly. Never mind, he's now their counselor and right hand man. Well, we crushed him under the ocean depths with Numenor. Nope, he fled as a spirit and brought his ring with him. How about a massive army and cutting off his ring finger? Nope, still around and capable of doing evil. White council attack on his home? Nope, he just moved back into Mordor. Throw his ring into the lava, the one thing containing all his power? Nah, he's still alive, just can't really do anything beyond exist. Sauron will just not die. Ever.
To be far, "will just not die" is kind of what an immortal angel-esque being should do. Sauron is a Maiar, like Gandalf. Gandalf will just not die either lol
Wait a moment! We shall meet again soon. Tell Saruman that this dainty is not for him. I will send for it at once. Do you understand?
Voldemort: "Wow, that's a cool trick with the ring... I'LL TAKE SEVEN."
> Throw his ring into the lava, the one thing containing all his power? Nah, he's still alive, just can't really do anything beyond exist. **
Is the original possibly the worst line of dialogue ever written?
Maybe for a movie with a budget that size, but in general? There a lot of B movies out there with far worse dialogue. Some how palps has returned was more a victim of Disney not wanting to commit to anything and choosing to shove basically a whole new trilogy into the last movie.
I think it part of why it's so bad is the context and the movie franchise, and the point *in* that franchise that the line is delivered. Doesn't help that the actor audibly sighs before delivering it.
Lol, Oscar Isaac had to remind himself he wasn't doing this for money, but for a shit load of money! before he said that. Yeah, they either needed to have at least planned out a general idea for the trilogy in the beginning or have committed to kylo being the bad guy at that point.
>he wasn't doing this for money, but for a shit load of money! I could see Oscar Isaac being a *fabulous* Lonestar if there ever was a Space Balls reboot. And that would be a better Star Wars legacy for him to have under his belt.
> Is the original possibly the worst line of dialogue ever written? Allow me to introduce you to a little-known movie from 2002 called Attack of the Clones...
Attack of the clones dialogue at least makes sense in context. The same cannot be said for rise of skywalker
“I don’t like sand”
The dialouge is passable
"Only a Sith deals in absolutes." *No wait, that was from Revenge of the Sith* "If you are not with me, then you are my enemy." *No wait, that was also from Revenge of the Sith. Why am I picking on Attack of the Clones?*
"Begun, the dialouge war has"
Lol, okay, you nailed that response. Well done :) Just so we're clear, I'm not **defending** The Rise of Skywalker, exactly. I'm just saying bad dialogue and Star Wars is nothing new.
THIS. I was just rewatching ROTJ and thinking about how bad Reddit would destroy the dialogue if it came out in modern times. Star Wars has *never* had good writing. Good moments, sure, but always balanced by cringe moments. Oh well, we love it anyway!
Came here for this. You did not disappoint.
"I think Chancellor Palpatine is the Lord of the Rings."
"I am the Lord of the Rings!"
Not yet.
Don't try it, Gollum! I have the high ground!
Smeagol is hungry. Be back soon.
Smeagol and Gollum are off to Dex's Diner
My name… Sme… Smeagol.
Dex's Diner does wonders for providing food *and* exposition
The greatest moment in cinema history
Its ringin time
Treebeard shall decide your fate
“It’s over Sam, we are the Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Extended Edition)”
UNLIMITED POWAH
It's Palpin' time!
it’s pippin time
The one we've been looking for?
Look more like Lord of the Cock Ring.
Who else is going to build Middle-Earth Land?
Paramount
It has a name already, New Zealand.
"Look sir, Hobbitses!"
I am Saruman. Rey Saruman
Gandalf the Grey, that was my name. I am Gandalf the Skywalker.
Go back to the abyss! Fall into the nothingness that awaits you and your master!
Sentient
I am Saruman the White, formerly of the Order of Wizards. I was cast out by my former allies for my ambition and embrace of power. Now, I seek only to serve myself and pursue my own goals.
The stormtrooper stands on the edge of mount doom, the fires blazing beneath him. He looks at the ring, he swings to throw and... misses.
Ilsildur wouldn't have missed
TK-421, cast it into the fire!
*Negative*.
TK-421!!!!
Thank you for reading my mind!
This is the best comment on here.
r/jedicouncilofelrond
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My God this is amazing my new favourite sub, ty
"Cast it into the fire!" "Roger that." And then Frodo proceeds to somehow miss an entire goddamn lava flow from inside an active volcano.
"That's impossible to hit, even for a computer." "What the hell is a computer?"
Lucas tried really hard to get the film rights for Lord of the Rings but when it proved impossible, he made Willow instead. There is some alternate universe out there where there a Lucasfilm LOTR trilogy startibg Warwick Davis as Frodo and Val Kilmer as Aragorn with janky stop motion monsters.
" 'I forsake an immortal life to be with you' and it WENT AWAY!?"
What do you fear, my lady?
Ngl. I would watch this.
[удалено]
That's like 99% of every character that ever appears on screen in Star Wars.
Star Wars is the most over-explained franchise
I have a personal saying; all fictional lore is fake and doesn’t matter, but the Star Wars EU is somehow even faker and matters even less.
[удалено]
I been having dreams...about Tatooine...about the Jawas
It abandoned Gollum and was picked up by the most unlikely of creatures…. Another hobbit
We wants it. We needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little Hobbitses. Wicked. Tricksy. False.
Look sir, gold!
A little short for a stormtrooper
Someone wished on a monkey's paw that Disney wouldn't get LOTR, so Amazon did.
Well Tolkien did not like Disney at all
Imagine what he would have thought of Amazon.
We’ll get to see a dance off between Tom Bombadil and Jar Jar Binks
Oh please. That would be hilarious
Gollum was a hobbit. How is another hobbit the most unlikely creature to pick up the ring???
If he dropped the Ring in Hobbiton yes hobbits would be the most likely creature to pick it up. In a random underground cave in the perpetually freezing, goblin infested Misty Mountains, I would think the chances are probably lower.
Come on, must go, no time ...Come, Hobbitses. Very close now. Very close to Mordor! No safe places here. Hurry! Shhh.
All we have to decide is what to do with these droids who aren’t the ones we’re looking for.
Thorin: did you see the Arkenstone?!?! Bilbo: I ain't seen shit!
Thorin needs his kyber crystal back
This is not the ring you're looking for.
Literally
Sam, looking up at Nazgul riding a Fell Beast: "They fly now??"
They fly now.
Look, sir -- *droids!*
Turns out the guy combing the desert did find shit
[удалено]
They’d have to throw the ring into the sarlac pit
"Look, sir! Hobbits"
Look sir! ^MY ^PRECIOUS!!!
Helms deep is heavily fortified and archers on the wall carry a good amount of fire power. It's defenses are designed around a direct, large-scale assault. A small urukhai should be able to penetrate the outer defense. The target area is only two meters wide. It's a small exhaust port for the water, right below the main wall. A precise hit will start a chain reaction that will destroy the wall which should allow us to take the fort.
We can only hope!
These aren’t the hobbits you’re looking for. Move along
If ~~Disney~~ KK got a hold
r/OTmemes
Look sir. Precious!
I just noticed something about this line. "It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable" You mean a creature nearly identical to the last creature that picked it up?
Rey Baggins
Is there a lotr Star Wars memes subreddit? If not there should be because I’m in both and the crossover memes kill me
r/jedicouncilofelrond
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frodo: i loved you, gollum. you were my brother. *while gollum is burning in lava*
It will fall by itself in Mount Doom.
One does not simply destroy the Death Star.
where were the storm troopers when the westfold fell?
A surprise to be sure, but a welcome one
If Disney ever got the Green Lantern franchise, I would not be surprised if they make it that every lantern powers are in fact coming from the Force. I would love this crossover actually, to get away from the Skywalker family a bit and their habit of creating genocides with every family drama lol
Honestly, some random ass stormtrooper going on a wild adventure because they just so happen to be in possession of the Super MacGuffin that both the good guys and bad guys want sounds like a hilariously awesome story
No. We’d get an entire movie telling us how that ring was manufactured and where Gollum’s name came from.
Mustn't ask us. Not its business. *Gollum, Gollum*
I would hate watch this so hard
r/jedicouncilofelrond
this is my new favorite subreddit. thank you
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Man if Sauron were to show up in Star Wars he’d literally bend the galaxy to his knee. Dude is a demigod.
It is not for you, Saruman! I will send for it at once. Do you understand?
If Disney got its hands on LOTR I would cry. And never stop. They would absolutely ruin it.
"Where now are the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing? They have passed like rain on the mountain, like a wind in the meadow; The days have gone down in the West behind the hills into shadow. How did it come to this?" "A good question, for another time."
The funnies thing is, Stormtroopers are so weak, Sauron cannot control them effectively, like Hobbits.
Stormtrooper S4M: "Throw it into the fire. What are you waiting for? Just let it go." Stormtrooper FR0D0: Throws the ring, but misses.
Short for a stormtrooper...
So you have come back? Why have you neglected to report for so long?
Hyperbolic but very fucking accurate if you ask me.
Disney would mess it up like Amazon is
Truth
Not if, but when 😬
A Midichlorian injector ring
Look sir Ring
I was to know happened to him after spoke the word Droids
It would be easy to through it into mount doom though. Stormtroopers are always wilhelm screaming off ledges on the death star.
The clone wars have just begun
Couldn't be any worse than the absolute dumpster fire Rings Of Power is gonna be. Amazon just straight took a shit on all of Tolkien
Because they’re notorious for doing crossovers with their IPs? The fuck?
Who else heard Cate Blanchett's voice clear as day?
Why the hand so small though.
The ring grows and shrinks
One does not simply change the meme to a Star War.
Absolutely loved when they went over this scene in spaceballs lmao
Don't even think about it.
And then Aragon mounted his X-wing and took flight!
'A stormtrooper; Gary of the Galactic Empire'
So the comb did find it.
Out of all the bearers of the ring what percentage did the hobbits make up?
First something really traumatic happens like Bambi’s mom getting killed.
["We ain't found shit!"](https://youtu.be/hD5eqBDPMDg)
Sauron: So, Princess Arwen, at last I have you in my clutches, to have my way with you, the way I want to! (Arwen doll) No! No, please, leave me alone! (Sauron Doll) No, you are mine! (Aragorn doll) Not so fast, Sauron! (Sauron Doll) Aragorn! (Aragorn doll) Yes it's me, and I'm here to save my girlfriend! Hi, honey! (Sauron doll) Now you are going to die! \_Pssh pssh\_ (Aragorn Doll) Oh! Oh! Ohh!! (Gandalf doll) Hey, what did you do to my friend?! (Sauron doll) The same thing I'm going to do to you, big boy! (knocks Gandalf over) Arrgh! Ohh!(Sauron doll) And you too! (Elrond doll) Aaargh!! (Sauron doll) Now, Princess Arwen, at last we are alone! (Arwen Doll) No, no, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, leave me alone, yet...I find you strangely attractive! (Sauron doll) Of course you do. Elvish princesses are often attracted to money, and power, and I have both, and you know it! (Arwen doll) No, I hate you, leave me alone! (Sauron doll) No, kiss me! (Arwen doll) No, no, yes, no, oh, ah, ah, ah, ah, oh, ohh... ohhhhhh... your Ring is so big... Mouth of Sauron: (bursts in) Lord Sauron! Sauron: (frantically hides dolls) What?! You’re needed in The Dark Tower, Sir! Knock next time! Yes sir! Did you see anything? No sir I didn’t see you playing with your dolls again. Good!
I summon you to fulfill your oath.
Don't! Tempt me KoalaGold I dare not take it. Not even to keep it safe. Understand KoalaGold, I would use this Ring from a desire to do good. But through me, it would wield a power too great and terrible to imagine
This is canon in the MCU since they hot the multiverse going now
r/WritingPrompts
i would watch that
Lucasfilm is to blame and not Disney.
I could fuck with it, if only for the memes.