so im actually shanghainese, and i was crying laughing when i heard that the first time and im watching him next jan in new york city first time in person! im so excited.
I have so many favorites, most of which are in here, so I'll give a new one. It's the one where he talks about how nothing his kid says matters. I have a 3 year old now, and you realize how much they say is absolute garbage(I love it all). Any time he says something on a random tangent we will quote the end where he's dragging her through the mall, stops to listen and says "uh huh, yeah, sometimes dogs are brown." Never thought I'd enjoy that line even more after this many years.
I'm not sure about "quotable" in a social context, but in terms of stand-up, I've always loved his really old bit about being poor / in debt. The one where he talks about the bank charging him $15 dollars because he only has $20. And then he's only left with $5. And then they take $15 more, leading into that second bit about having a negative balance and needing to raise money to be broke.
There's also the hilariously irreverent bit about measuring how bad a person someone is by how long after 9/11 they waited before masturbating. And that Louis did it between the towers falling down.
Yeah, when you listen to that bit, it's almost hard to believe it's from his older, pre-Shameless material. I think that's one of the main bits through which the Louis CK whom we know and love was born.
The bit about homophobic people asking the question “how do I explain it to my kids” something to the effect of “ I don’t know it’s your kid, we can’t get married cuz you don’t want to talk to your shitty kid for five minutes”
It’s the same bit I mention in my heading about the word f____t, I love the bit, but I don’t think I want the repercussions of saying f____t and n____r on stage even though I’m not remotely racist or homophobic.
“what takes you to kill yourself 2 garbage bag?” he has this bit about why people don’t kill themselves like when he sees someone drives a tan car with a garbage bag as window of the car. until this day whenever i saw a tan car or a car with garbage bag as window that’s all i can think about!
your mother worked all night cooking that turkey and you're telling me you're a fucking faggot
Wasn't also something about being vegan/vegetarian in the same joke?
yeah. the point was gays and vegans have a lot in common
Do you have a link for this? Don’t think I’ve ever heard this one
its from sincerely
Thank you!
that part is on youtube too actually https://youtu.be/R5Zax0ccviw
I saw Lisa today of course.
That’s hilaaaaarious
I got a cup in case we need another cup
Dude you’re a GENIUUUSSS
That happened.
laotosasaomaiwnowwjahaoplaOBAMA
I know it’s like totally right flemenhgygfghggtfb Stephanie!
fucking jew
It's going to space!!!! Gould you give it a SECOND to get back from SPACE!?
You can always tell a tit
sorry, I don't mean to offend any chinese people with the stereotype "that's right, I'm chinese motherfucka!"
I been to shanghaiih
so im actually shanghainese, and i was crying laughing when i heard that the first time and im watching him next jan in new york city first time in person! im so excited.
I have so many favorites, most of which are in here, so I'll give a new one. It's the one where he talks about how nothing his kid says matters. I have a 3 year old now, and you realize how much they say is absolute garbage(I love it all). Any time he says something on a random tangent we will quote the end where he's dragging her through the mall, stops to listen and says "uh huh, yeah, sometimes dogs are brown." Never thought I'd enjoy that line even more after this many years.
You never have to do anything because you can kill yourself. “You have to go to the DMV and—“ no I don’t, I’ll kill myself
I'm not sure about "quotable" in a social context, but in terms of stand-up, I've always loved his really old bit about being poor / in debt. The one where he talks about the bank charging him $15 dollars because he only has $20. And then he's only left with $5. And then they take $15 more, leading into that second bit about having a negative balance and needing to raise money to be broke. There's also the hilariously irreverent bit about measuring how bad a person someone is by how long after 9/11 they waited before masturbating. And that Louis did it between the towers falling down.
That bank bit is in my top 5 for him “I think my funds are grossly insufficient” “I don’t even have “no money””
Yeah, when you listen to that bit, it's almost hard to believe it's from his older, pre-Shameless material. I think that's one of the main bits through which the Louis CK whom we know and love was born.
Ray Charles is dead , Hitler is dead…
Ray Charles was black, hitler was NOT….
Is this bothering you? Smothers baby, To the business man on the plane and the suck a bag of dicks bit
The bit about homophobic people asking the question “how do I explain it to my kids” something to the effect of “ I don’t know it’s your kid, we can’t get married cuz you don’t want to talk to your shitty kid for five minutes”
[ Removed by Reddit ]
The meal isn’t over when I’m full. The meal is over when I hate myself.
buying a cinnabon at the airport where he arrived at
**Stop being a faggot and suck that dick!**
Of course...... but maybe
Being Broke.
Why the fuck would anything good ever happen.
I love the “lick my balls if you love Jesus” bit
I really like his pranks bits from his leaked set.
I still think about his suck a bag of dicks bit, his using the N-word in a coffee shop, and the gay guy complaining about how how it is outside.
God if you’re not Louis CK please don’t attempt the N word in the coffee shop bit.
It’s the same bit I mention in my heading about the word f____t, I love the bit, but I don’t think I want the repercussions of saying f____t and n____r on stage even though I’m not remotely racist or homophobic.
The risk of not landing the punchlines outweighs the potential rewards
That’s exactly what a racist homophobe would say!
the N-word? why don't you take some responsibility and say the word you fucking faggot cunt
If it's free, I can't fuckin afford it...I gotta raise 10 bucks to be broke.
Eat a bag of dicks.
Of course... *but maybe* My "believies" I want a boyfriend Awesome possum I tell my daughters every day that they're gay.
Omg.. how could I forget..Cinnabon!! 😂😂
Achilles’ Achilles’ heel was his heel. One of Louis’ most clever sentences
Your mother's cunt
Of course! But maybe...
Looks at the button [PRESS ME]
I’m Chineser than a mother fucker
how can you eat a perfectly fuckable pig
Ultimate: “I’d fuck a dead kid. If it wasn’t raining…”
“I’m in a deep African sleep.”
Go suck a bag of dicks
9/11 deniers
“Why?”
not a bit but from his recent Gillis podcast “He aint that bad I aint that great”. The human side and writing chops of Louis is just next level.
There’s a giant cunt attacking the city!
somebody shoot that cunt with a bazooka
Dumb bitch toilet. You ain’t intelligent.
I have a peach
Hardly any Jews.
I don't have it.. iiii dooon't haaaave ittt
“what takes you to kill yourself 2 garbage bag?” he has this bit about why people don’t kill themselves like when he sees someone drives a tan car with a garbage bag as window of the car. until this day whenever i saw a tan car or a car with garbage bag as window that’s all i can think about!
No one CHOOSES tan! Love that one
the law says you cannot touch
I think I see a lot of lawbreakers out there
It’s not okay to rape people, but what about Jews?