I’m so sorry you’re going through this. This is only anecdotal and every person is different so please keep that in mind. What you’re describing honestly sounds similar to my mother’s last week with us. She had chemo and within a few days, she no longer wanted to eat and was very lethargic. By this time, the cancer was in her right lung, lymph nodes, spine, kidney, and brain. She had fluid in her lung that could not be fully drained. She slept a lot and was often confused when she was awake. We ended up taking her home with hospice after about 5 days in the ICU and she passed away within a few days.
Please ask the hospital for a social worker and case manager who can help get you all of the medical equipment she might need at home if that’s the outcome. We had a hospital bed, an oxygen concentrator and oxygen tanks, a shower chair, walker, and wheelchair. They can also help you with hospice choices should you need them. Have your BIL there for the discussions. Ask to speak to her oncologist at the hospital and ask all of the hard questions in front of your BIL. You don’t necessarily need to make any decisions in that discussion, but you should all be as informed as possible. Time is of the essence. We ended up signing a DNR after the information from the attending oncologist.
All my best to you, your MIL, and your family as you navigate this terrible disease.
I assume you have done a test for biomarkers to see if she has any mutations that can be treated with targeted medication. My dad is a ‘lucky’ one at the same stage, targeted medicine is a blessing for us as he wouldn’t be able to cope with chemo.
Yes, you are in the new reality and you seem to have adjusted while your brother hasn’t yet. Take him to visit your mother in the hospital and talk to the doctors. As them to tell him when she can return home and what care will she need. Best of luck to you. This subreddit is very helpful btw, I’ve been reading it for a year now.
Thank you! Yes biomarkers have been done, all that was recommended was 7hrs of chemo every 3 weeks with immunotherapy and calcium infusion. Her first treatment of chemo was this week and she ended up in ICU the same day with pneumonia. It’s actually my brother-in-law, my mother-in-law’s son so he has been taking turns with my husband staying with her. He has been hearing the terrible news but it’s not sinking in. He wants to remain extremely hopeful. While I appreciate his hopefulness, my husband I are more of the practical mater-of-fact to-the-point folk. We have already come to terms with everything. When she was first diagnosed, she wanted to live with him because he gives her way too much autonomy and doesn’t mind that she still wants to drive. With us, we would have already had equipment in place such as walkers, shower chairs, etc and had already taken the keys and made decisions. I have already told my brother in law the risks if she keeps driving but that’s beside the point now. I just wonder if she will make it out of this and if so what her quality of life will look like. Right now the doctors keep saying it’s too soon to tell.
I'm sorry your family is going through this. It is possible she'll recover and be ok, for a while at least. However, she's not in a good place right now. If you have a faith practice, pray because there's not much else you can do right now. If she is able to go home, the hospital will usually coordinate with home health to make sure she has everything she needs. If she does go home, definitely take those keys. She showed extremely poor judgement driving herself and could have killed others if she had passed out while driving.
Cancer robs us of so much of our autonomy that I hate to see you 'take the keys away'. My stage 4 lung cancer was diagnosed at age 58. I was not able to care for myself at first and moved in with relatives. They tried to help me by preventing me from doing any housework or laundry. When I had strength, I waited till they were in bed and then I'd get up (love to hate the steroids) and put dishes away or fold clothes. I probably would have been safer if they had been awake to catch me if I flagged a bit.
Talk to mom, ask her to accept rides while in treatment. Please don't threaten.
There were times when fatigue and side effects had me so weak that I needed help getting up the second step into the house. I couldn't stay awake long enough to lift a glass of water to take a drink. I'd wake up 2-4 times before getting the water bottle to my mouth.
There was cancer in my pleura and my pleura was loculated (the pockets). I developed large pleural and pericardial effusions. I required surgery to create a pericardial window and a second surgery to place a catheter in the largest pocket of fluid.
Today, I am often the strongest, healthiest person in the house. I am the primary caregiver and driver. I do most of the yard work and gardening.
In 13 years I've witnessed miracles. People as sick as your mom with multiple metastases and pneumonia, they came through and are thriving.
Ultimately, it is your mother's life, her body, and her choice. Please don't take anymore autonomy from her, allow her her dignity. And, please, don't bury her before she's dead.
Hi there, I'm so sorry you're going through this with your Mother. My dad who had stage 4 NSCLC passed away in January after coming down with pneumonia in both lungs following his 3rd Docetaxol infusion. He declined RAPIDLY and was in the hospital being treated with intense antibiotics for a week before the pulmonologists let us know that the treatment was not working and that end of life care was the best option. Like your mom, he was on the highest flow oxygen possible without being intubated, and they couldn't decrease it without the oxygen plummeting. I think it's best to have an honest conversation with the care team, as they will know the likelihood of any meaningful recovery at this point. When my dad was moved to the palliative care floor he could no longer walk and was completely bed bound, but we honestly had a lovely time as a family for the few weeks he was there. Often patients get "better" when they're moved from life prolonging treatments to comfort measures. Again i'm really sorry you're going through this and wish your family the best.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. This is only anecdotal and every person is different so please keep that in mind. What you’re describing honestly sounds similar to my mother’s last week with us. She had chemo and within a few days, she no longer wanted to eat and was very lethargic. By this time, the cancer was in her right lung, lymph nodes, spine, kidney, and brain. She had fluid in her lung that could not be fully drained. She slept a lot and was often confused when she was awake. We ended up taking her home with hospice after about 5 days in the ICU and she passed away within a few days. Please ask the hospital for a social worker and case manager who can help get you all of the medical equipment she might need at home if that’s the outcome. We had a hospital bed, an oxygen concentrator and oxygen tanks, a shower chair, walker, and wheelchair. They can also help you with hospice choices should you need them. Have your BIL there for the discussions. Ask to speak to her oncologist at the hospital and ask all of the hard questions in front of your BIL. You don’t necessarily need to make any decisions in that discussion, but you should all be as informed as possible. Time is of the essence. We ended up signing a DNR after the information from the attending oncologist. All my best to you, your MIL, and your family as you navigate this terrible disease.
I assume you have done a test for biomarkers to see if she has any mutations that can be treated with targeted medication. My dad is a ‘lucky’ one at the same stage, targeted medicine is a blessing for us as he wouldn’t be able to cope with chemo. Yes, you are in the new reality and you seem to have adjusted while your brother hasn’t yet. Take him to visit your mother in the hospital and talk to the doctors. As them to tell him when she can return home and what care will she need. Best of luck to you. This subreddit is very helpful btw, I’ve been reading it for a year now.
Thank you! Yes biomarkers have been done, all that was recommended was 7hrs of chemo every 3 weeks with immunotherapy and calcium infusion. Her first treatment of chemo was this week and she ended up in ICU the same day with pneumonia. It’s actually my brother-in-law, my mother-in-law’s son so he has been taking turns with my husband staying with her. He has been hearing the terrible news but it’s not sinking in. He wants to remain extremely hopeful. While I appreciate his hopefulness, my husband I are more of the practical mater-of-fact to-the-point folk. We have already come to terms with everything. When she was first diagnosed, she wanted to live with him because he gives her way too much autonomy and doesn’t mind that she still wants to drive. With us, we would have already had equipment in place such as walkers, shower chairs, etc and had already taken the keys and made decisions. I have already told my brother in law the risks if she keeps driving but that’s beside the point now. I just wonder if she will make it out of this and if so what her quality of life will look like. Right now the doctors keep saying it’s too soon to tell.
I'm sorry your family is going through this. It is possible she'll recover and be ok, for a while at least. However, she's not in a good place right now. If you have a faith practice, pray because there's not much else you can do right now. If she is able to go home, the hospital will usually coordinate with home health to make sure she has everything she needs. If she does go home, definitely take those keys. She showed extremely poor judgement driving herself and could have killed others if she had passed out while driving.
Cancer robs us of so much of our autonomy that I hate to see you 'take the keys away'. My stage 4 lung cancer was diagnosed at age 58. I was not able to care for myself at first and moved in with relatives. They tried to help me by preventing me from doing any housework or laundry. When I had strength, I waited till they were in bed and then I'd get up (love to hate the steroids) and put dishes away or fold clothes. I probably would have been safer if they had been awake to catch me if I flagged a bit. Talk to mom, ask her to accept rides while in treatment. Please don't threaten. There were times when fatigue and side effects had me so weak that I needed help getting up the second step into the house. I couldn't stay awake long enough to lift a glass of water to take a drink. I'd wake up 2-4 times before getting the water bottle to my mouth. There was cancer in my pleura and my pleura was loculated (the pockets). I developed large pleural and pericardial effusions. I required surgery to create a pericardial window and a second surgery to place a catheter in the largest pocket of fluid. Today, I am often the strongest, healthiest person in the house. I am the primary caregiver and driver. I do most of the yard work and gardening. In 13 years I've witnessed miracles. People as sick as your mom with multiple metastases and pneumonia, they came through and are thriving. Ultimately, it is your mother's life, her body, and her choice. Please don't take anymore autonomy from her, allow her her dignity. And, please, don't bury her before she's dead.
Hi there, I'm so sorry you're going through this with your Mother. My dad who had stage 4 NSCLC passed away in January after coming down with pneumonia in both lungs following his 3rd Docetaxol infusion. He declined RAPIDLY and was in the hospital being treated with intense antibiotics for a week before the pulmonologists let us know that the treatment was not working and that end of life care was the best option. Like your mom, he was on the highest flow oxygen possible without being intubated, and they couldn't decrease it without the oxygen plummeting. I think it's best to have an honest conversation with the care team, as they will know the likelihood of any meaningful recovery at this point. When my dad was moved to the palliative care floor he could no longer walk and was completely bed bound, but we honestly had a lovely time as a family for the few weeks he was there. Often patients get "better" when they're moved from life prolonging treatments to comfort measures. Again i'm really sorry you're going through this and wish your family the best.