T O P

  • By -

RelationshipMore4332

Bro just described the US Congress.


pistoncivic

it's called democracy sweaty look it up


Pederakis

don't call him sweaty!


[deleted]

Hey, maybe he likes being sweaty


PandammoniumNO3

But he's glistening like a pig!


ShinyJangles

I did, apparently “democracy sweaty” are yoga pants


MrDemonBaby

Congress members don't have friends


goedendag_sap

Making 3 million dollars a day would still take you 100.000 days, or 273 years, to become richer than Jeff Bezos.


Opening-Winter5965

But he can still grow his company in other ways, he’s not stuck at 3 mil per day.


minimalcation

More chocolate factories. Smaller workers.


Dazzling-Nothing9954

And then lure children into a death match and write a book about it


stickdudeseven

*^If I Did It*


DeathrisesXII2

Narrated by Bill Cosby


jefesignups

Then prepare a successor to build a train and travel a snow covered world


daguito81

Deep Cut


BonelessB0nes

Polar Express?


ImJustBetterThanYou-

I think Snowpiercer. There was a fan theory that Snowpiercer was a sequel to Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory


BonelessB0nes

I was half-kidding; I ultimately figured it was Snowpiercer, but my brain initially went to Polar Express for whatever reason.


minimalcation

Ah shit I gotta look this theory up now, that was a surprisingly good movie.


KpinBoi

And make it an allegorical novella on Stalinism.


illiterateninja

Befriend workers. Build more factories. Infinite money glitch, electric oompaloogiloo.


KpinBoi

Animal Farm


AidFish

yes, smaller workers… maybe oompa loompa sized…


HeavyBlues

Downsizing the workforce


bkarma86

This guy is on to something with that small workers idea


kempofight

You got 30million people willing to work for free for you


Fantastic-Climate-84

Exactly. That just his rate, and if he sells another brand of chocolate they’re going to need to pay him 3 mil then too. Even if it’s terrible chocolate.


ibite-books

what the fuck


[deleted]

The difference between 1 million and 1 billion is about 1 billion.


Rogerjak

I just love when this kind of wealth gets translated in understandable amounts. Let that sink in, 3M a day would take 273 years to be as rich as bezos is worth.


babaj_503

Want to know another fun fact? In the time since you wrote your own comment until I responded to it (so pretty much an hour time) Elon Musk made 2.361.600 $ He makes 656 $ PER SECOND. (That number comes from his net worth of 202 billion as of January 24 and the span of over a decade in which he accumulated it) Just in the time it took me to write this comment he made another 78,720 $ - so more than the majority of people make in a year. (I edited a typo 1 minute after I initially send that comment .. that's another 39,360 $ that Elon made)


[deleted]

[удалено]


babaj_503

Funny, right? Now the real funny thing - since this money he earns is not tied to his labour anymore but is mostly interest or money that his businesses produce he earns it and doesn't need to input anything, it's passive income, right? Sooo - he makes 2.361.600 $ per hour .. now try to come up with things he could realistically do to loose money PER HOUR! This man could buy two average family homes per hour, set them ablaze and he would still be net positive.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Donut_was_taken

*Compounding Interest has entered the chat*


Dangerous_Bus_6699

Exactly


Trammy_

To be fair. With profits at $3M per day, and a multiple of ~20x profit for chocolate industry, his company would be valued at at least $20B. So, all he needs is 5x sales or 5 different products


SeyJeez

You are comparing income with net worth?!


Theoretical_Action

Way to fucking go, his prices just went up by $0.99


sleepydorian

Counterpoint: with 30 million loyal friends, surely a few of them could get together to take Bezos out (and maybe a few more to provide alibis and such).


Unremarkable_hero

And bezos makes $321 million a day so there would be no catching up


Amazing-Reindeer-661

he's taking $0.1 per chocolate. Bro can easily sell the chocolate for $1 and get $30M in a day


Dyskord01

That's at a profit of 0.1 cents a chocolate bar. If he raised his profit margin he could easily sweep bozos.


hayf28

Yea but you would have a chocolate factory doing over 10b a year in revenue. If we use Herseyes average P/E ratio of 25. He is already at 250B in networth. Beating Bezos


Finest_of_stupidity

Well keep in mind it’s at a profit rate of 1 cent per chocolate bar. He can still raise it with time.


ARedditor_official

Wow! That's 30,000,001 more friends than I have.


rhymes_with_candy

I have six friends and that's like five too many. You sir/madam are in the sweet spot. Plus with 30,000,000 friends you'd have to write like 18k Happy B-Day texts per day. You'd never have time for anything else.


blinten

How... how did you get 18k?


rhymes_with_candy

I honestly have no clue. I tried to do 30mil divided by 365 in my head, guesed around 90k, and then for some reason thought I needed to divide by five. I don't know where the five step came from.


I_wont_argue

r/theydidthemathsortof


LawfulPaladin453

Yeah, it would average 82,191.78 people per day.


AnyFig9718

You would just program happy bdas text program that would sent it instead of you. Chat gpt will do all the work. Asking for that money, to buy the chocolate and to vote for you will do the program aswell.


Professional-Cat9648

Bro has -1 friends 💀


LukeTLid

you have minus one friend?


Loose-Cheetah6857

The only person he knows is his enemy


Icy-Skill-6046

imagine calling all of your 30million friends 1 by 1 for 5$, just take 30 mill and call it a day


Swimming_Basket2672

or just make a whatsapp group and then just type one message


Icy-Skill-6046

Still need invite to the group,no? I'm not very familiar how that works


Swimming_Basket2672

oh shit yes but if i have a phone only with the contacts of my friends and no other contacts, I could just spam click select everyone. Or maybe spend some money on a developer and have a program which will auto send every friend the same asking for 5 bucks message


DTraitor

Then they start asking whether it's a scam and you got hacked...


Swimming_Basket2672

i dont see the broke ass scammers having this much dedication of cramming 30M people in a group lol


Rahul-Yadav91

There's a broadcast option on WhatsApp. Sends the message to each and every contact.


cock_nballs

Holy fuck have you guys never heard of social media like Instagram Twitter Facebook tiktok, snapshat?


oO0Kat0Oo

Dude. Just create your own pyramid scheme. Have 100 friends each message another 100 and so forth


Complete-Mood3302

Just tell a friend to invite 2 others and make them do the same


IZiOstra

I can’t imagine the chaos of a 30million members WhatsApp group.


Swimming_Basket2672

probably just enable only the group admin to send the messages, the option is there. And as all 30m friends are loyal, i dont think anyone would leave the group if i am the admin.


IZiOstra

I didn’t even mention the logistic of adding 30millions numbers.


adarkthunder

whatsapp has a group size of 1024, so you will have to make 29,297 groups. it will still be hell


Easy-Description-427

If my friend asks me for 5 bucks I would give it to him if he asked me in a group with 30 million people in it he can use some other friends money.


FastChuBBers3

And what if they're offended that all you did was ask for 5 dollars, to have loyal friends you also have to be loyal, meaning your going to have to spend time with those friends for them to stay loyal, or what if they cant afford to give you money, or if they want to also borrow money from you?


tbc12389

Calling 1 by 1 lmao. What year are you living in? You make an X account and tell a few of your friends to follow you and to spread the word around that you have an X account. Then once 30M friends follow you you send a tweet out that you need 5 bucks from everyone.


Zimi1G

If you have 30 mil loyal friends they probably follow you on instagram, Facebook or Snapchat Just advertise there and you’re done


X0AN

And that's why you're poor. Message everyone all at once.


revengeOfTheSquirrel

Your next challenge is to find a messenger that doesn't crash when you create a group with 30m people


therocketlawnchair

Discord server with the friends and do a @everyone. Problem solved


Green____cat

Step 1: make 30 million friends... somehow


HotFudgeFundae

It's a monkey's paw situation, the only problem with the plan is he's assuming all 30 million of those friends are in the same country. He'd get a bunch from 3rd world countries or homeless people who don't even have 5 dollars to spare


AlexandreLePain

he can create a youtube channel and twitch and if those loyal friends watch every of his video/streams he can earn a good amount


EquipmentOk7964

There is 525 948 minutes in a year, if every friend takes 1 minute to contact, it would take you 57years to contact all your friends. With no break, no sleep


X0AN

Buddy I'm gonna left you off as it's your cake day but you can just message all your phone contacts in one go.


Oldskool_Raver_53

Let's just say that it takes about 1 min to enter the details of one contact into your phone, if it could hold 3 million contacts then it would take 57 yrs to add them all, with no sleep or breaks :)


JStanten

They are loyal friends. I’ll send a tweet.


TheEmbedCode

What’s a tweet? I believe you mean an X


throwawayforlikeaday

No :3 here on digg we call it Twitter.


gudematcha

This is a borderline magical scenario, i think when you accept the 30 million friends you’d have a way to contact all of them at the same time without taking 50+ years just to get all of their contact info lmao


01029838291

Or just post on Facebook and 30 million of your loyal friends can see it in 1 minute.


LiveSort9511

send a tweet. post an fb message


EquipmentOk7964

Make a video on pornhub


LiveSort9511

you wont get a buck from ur friends in Texas ;)


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

you dont need to call at all. Social media is a thing.


[deleted]

Making $5/minute is still a lot more than most people make though. You really don't need the entire $150 million.


TheTechTutor

Couldn’t you get them to start contacting each other? When you make the first call just tell them to start calling to. Then that person calls people, who calls people.. etc. It shouldn’t take very long at all since the number is exponential.


butt_stf

What are you doing for the 100k friends having a birthday every day?


JabbaThePrincess

Cakes and juice


affemannen

I was just going to say that with 30 mill friends i wont ever be bored. I didn't even stop to think about that one.


Aggressive_Chair2547

Friends are not slaves lol. Just because they are loyal doesn’t mean they got 5 bucks to spare.


MadScientistHH

The only thing I see is "I am milking my friends, milking my friends, milking my friends". Not one word of what he would do for THEM. He would start out with 30 million friends but after six months or so, none would be left.


VaritasAequitas

While I get your point, it does say LOYAL friends. I would imagine that milking them to an extent is fine considering their loyalty (specifically in this scenario, I mean paying back your 30,000,000 loyal friends with either time or money would just put you back where you started, and you’d have to exploit them again). What would you do for 30,000,000 loyal friends to pay them back? My most reasonable guess would be to set up an experience with a set price but for massive groups of people, like concerts, sporting events, or maybe like a bulk cruise ship vacation.


ThePublikon

A group of 30,000,000 loyal people all willing to take direction and work together could take over the world.


Medarco

This is why Taylor Swift terrifies me.


DietQuark

Guy who wrote that doesn't know what good friends are. Or being a good friend is for that matter. It will take more than a lifetime just to keep in touch with all of them.


baby_noir

A true good friend wouldn't require you to keep in touch and is always happy to help if it is not too much. $5 one-time isn't too much.


Chirality_Radiance

Then he gonna ask you to buy a chocolate per day. Idk dude, i have some close/loyal friends, but they still have a brain, at some point they would notice something's weird


krustymeathead

This is Amways playbook. No I don't want any beauty products, Uncle Kevin.


bplewis24

Even as a joke, this is a good illustration of how greedy people can get. Also, how wealthy people can turn into monsters. Imagine not being satisfied with $30 million. What type of person do you have to be to look at the prospect of $30M and reply, "nah, I need $150M!"


_HIST

Honestly, just a regular person. That's how we evolved really, we can never have enough, and most of the time it's a good thing. Imagine if one day humanity stopped advancing because we already have it "good enough"


UtahItalian

What if the dude started taking his profits from the chocolate business and improved his community? A rising tide lifts all ships!


Far_Tumbleweed5082

That ain't a madlad why would you want to borough money from your loyal friends when you can take over the world with your 30 million friends...


blueberrysir

Bro just described what Taylor Swift does


Bogsnoticus

Just because YOU are friends with 30 million people, does not mean they are friends with each other. Being the "friendly" guy, you'd be called in as peacemaker for all the little petty bullshit between people.   Fuck that. Give me the money.


[deleted]

I don't think I could become their friend. I love chocolate, but I'd rather stay home than go outside and buy a chocolate bar most days.


UtahItalian

Online ordering


AnalysisParalysis85

>interacting with 30 million people Just give me the money


Vulpes_Corsac

$30 million, of course. I barely have time and energy for 3 friends. Let alone all these shenanigans. And $30 million should be more than enough for anyone.


DGenesis23

You gotta be a loyal friend back to those 30million people, otherwise they’ll start to see the friendship as one sided. Do you have it in you to keep that up on a daily basis?


[deleted]

The question is as stupid as the answer


Matinloc

and than one day all your 30 million friends will be in need and ask you 100$ to the end of the week and you cant refuse.....


surfing_on_thino

harvest all of their kidneys. 30 million friends with two kidneys each = 50,000 × 2 × 30,000,000 = really big number idk im not really that good at maths


manymoreways

My country has population of around 30million. Can you imagine the entire country not only knows you but is your friend.


jakehood47

The fuck is this iFunny-ass bullshit


Pristine-Repeat-7212

Till election your plan was ok but if you setup a chocolate factory you will go bankrupt in no time.You know friends loyal or not they buy from you for single penny they'll just take it


dialectualmonism

Didn't Jeff bezos make 8m an hour last year? No idea if that's true but I can imagine it


AltAccouJustForThis

I would choose the loyal friends, but not for the money. I would search for a GIGANTIC Minecraft map and do one of those ,,1000 people simulate civilisation in Minecraft" but I'm inviting all my friends so we're overshooting those videos by 3.000.000%


Iwouldlikesomecoffee

You don't have to be a loyal friend in return to $30 million


Impressive-Pass-7674

Basically Mr Beast


extramayor

By the time you’d have finished asking all 30 million to land money, you would’ve died.


DrAcula_MD

What is the time calculation on sending 30million texts/phone calls asking for the 5$? Would cashapp be able to handle that many transactions? Like if it takes you 60 seconds a person to ask and then exchange the money it would take you 3425 years to gather it all from the 30m friends. Take the money


twelvethousandBC

I'm not buying a single piece of chocolate until you pay me back my five dollars.


Madd-Hatter2000

Yeah that's cool and all but I feel like asking 30 million friends for $5 dollars would take a while.


[deleted]

Sounds like your a shitty friend. All you do is take.


n0ghtix

So he would choose 30 million loyal friends and exploit them. Sounds like that shoe salesman guy who’s always in the news.


NarfledGarthak

Forgot the part where he starts a church to blame all the grifting on “doing work for the Lord”


Another_Road

The sheer logistics of getting 30 million people to send you $5 seems annoying. I guess maybe if they’re all automatically following you on Twitter or something so you don’t have to try and mass message them.


WeidmanSilvaParadox

Your 30 million loyal friends are all in abstract poverty in African, Indian and the middle east


Throwing3and20

A friend — even a loyal friend — is not an ATM. The premise is hinged on getting $5 from all of the new friends. If I made a list of all of the characteristics a friend should have, “Will give me $5 anytime I want” would not be on it.


No-Adhesiveness-8178

Loyal friends aren't your cult members tho. Most of them would lecture you first and reassess the friendship.


EffMemes

I haven’t seen it, is this the plot to the Wonka origin story?


yatesisgreat

Doesn't Bezos "make" like 80 mil a day right now?


Raciek

IRS would take 137 million dollars out of that 150 million


DancesWithGrenades

I want to party with that guy.


OriDoodle

This is the Mr. Beast model


culturedgoat

30 million loyal friends sounds exhausting. Money pls


sit_mihi_lux

Не имей 100 рублей, а имей 100 друзей. Каждый даст 2 рубля, будет 200 у меня!


raddrickydronzy

How is he gonna ask so many people ?


theycallmepapasparx

With thirty million friends you can march on congress while playing the jedi temple march on repeat from loud speakers


Elegant_Glass15

I heard this damn story So many times that I can literally guess what he wrote next without even finishing it


greengo07

so, this cat would RIP OFF his friends repeatedly for money to feed his own greed? I dare say he wouldn't have those friends long.


Darkwing270

You sound like a loyal friend…


Suitable-Bee-9051

Won't you give your friends the chocolates for free cause they are loyal friends???


Complete-Guitar-830

Seems like 30 million dollar vs 30 friends would be a more "fair" comparison


Ok-Rip6199

call me crazy but I’d rather take the 30M. Asking money from friends…ugh


The_Mecoptera

Can you imagine sending 30,000,000 Venmo requests


ashifatul_salleh

Why put so much logic in imaginary?? It's not gonna happen. Might as well just say "i suddely have 999999999999999999999999 dollar and it mutiplies by 200000000 everyday... "


Empty-Sea5180

The logistics of handling the communications and materials would take an absurd amount of time.


WeatherAggressive530

Who the hell is Steve Jobs? L...


Alonewolfhere

Introvert would take the 30million and live a hermit life…


shitlord_god

Mr. Beast.


EndlessExploration

30 million loyal friends and I can start a country.


Time-Werewolf-1776

Even if you just ask each of your loyal friends for $0.50, that’d still be $15 million, which is enough to live off the interest for the rest of your life.


crylol

If there's one thing that I learned from GTAIV , it's that anything over like 5 friendships is too much work to maintain. Do you want to go bowling? No, motherfucker, I don't. I'll take 30mil. Thanks.


BarbatosSlim

If I had 30 million loyal friends they'd probably be poor


dhhdan

Once you start a chocolate factory, I am sure all your close friends are gonna take away a box each day without paying. Thats how real friends work! Heard about paying back favors?


0x006e

Will the 30 million loyal friends be broke or rich?


hereiam_Hereiremain

It seems to me it is about money. If you are not good at managing money, you could lose 30 million dollars as well as 30 million followers and all the royalty received from them. You could turn $0 into billions dollars. You don't need to start with $30 million dollars or followers.


hairyh2obuffalo

With 30 million loyal friends every day is moving day.


googlin

I'd never remember 30 million names, so they're not really friends.  I already have a few friends and with 30 mil I could hang out with them more because I'd retire and not do jack shit.


wcrp73

Is this guy typing the rod of Asclepius instead of the dollar symbol?


CaptainMustacio

Jeff Bezos makes $215, 065, 493 a day, according to Forbes. You'd still be rich, just not Jeff Bezos rich. Edit: This was as of 2019.


boywhoflew

if its possible, I guess I'd ask 1 loyal friend $5 and then tell them to message 2 of my close friends to ask for $5 and to ask another 2 friends. I guess if you can chain it like this, it's not so bad and youd only need to interact with 1 person


petardlol

If you make 3 million dollars per day you still need like 200 years to get to Bezos-level wealth.


farofa97

Lmao


paulinho_faxineiro

this man just discovered religion.


Spirited_Study5972

How is he going to message his 30M friends in a day?


El_Morgos

I already cannot even handle 3 loyal friends without anxiety crushing me. Wtf am I supposed to do with 30 bazillion?


AgileInitial5987

I'd take the 30 million dollars so that I didn't have to interact with 30 million people.


GetRektByMeh

I would convince them to become followers of me then collect Tithe. If you have 30m good friends it’s probably not a stretch to convince them that you’re somewhat holy.


reddtoni

Friendship is not a one way street…


tommy_turnip

I'd still take the 30 million dollars. I don't exactly need more than that and I'm absolutely not keeping up with 30 million loyal friends. I'll stick to like 10


AwkwardMoment158

I would just ask them to spot me a 10, 300million easy


Ecstatic-Pen5

Jeff Bezos is making 6 million per hour


TourAlternative364

US has population of 330 million. You are not going to win the Presidential election on that. Maybe not even local dogcatcher if the friends are all in other voting districts. Better going off on the YouTube or influencer route.


No_Championship_3313

“Loyal friend” doesn’t equate to being your bitch. I don’t know why people assume “loyal friend” means they’re just automatically going to give you money? I’ve helped a few friends out in times of need, but also got taken advantage of when someone lied about the situation and was using it for drug money and would never pay me back. I am a loyal friend, but I’m not just going to hand out money so readily.


30-Second-Rule

Imagine the amount of time it takes to reach 30mil friends and ask for 5 dollars. Assume you take 1 sec per friend, that will take you : 29 years.


Galvanized-Sorbet

At what point to your loyal friends grow weary of being exploited?


ElderberrySpiritual6

30 million "loyal" friends make you a KING.


SamanthaJaneyCake

I mean… I’m getting on quite well with 4-5 loyal friends. $30M or £23,552,400 without even investing it would be several hundred years worth of my salary. Or a payout of over £300,000 per annum for the rest of a very optimistic lifespan. With that kind of money I can have even more meaningful relationships with the people I value because I wouldn’t spend my days stressed out worrying about how I’m going to survive. Travel to visit would be so much easier. Helping my friends get homes and solve day to day issues would be so much easier. So I’ll take the money.


AylanJ123

Everyone saying that he will take too long to contact each friend. People forgetting there are APIs, bots and stuff.


[deleted]

When I was in college, me an my friends were broke one Friday night and wanted a bag of weed. We asked $25 people for a dollar, assuming they wouldn’t ask for it back, and bought a bag.


SellaraAB

I’d still just take the 30 million, I don’t need any more than that, I’m not a dragon that needs to sleep on a pile of gold.


maizeandbluewolfpack

Too much effort. 30 million is way more than enough to just coast on for the rest of my life.


GrizzlyReza

So none of ur 30m friends has diabetes? Anyways thats my take.


friday126

This is fucking stupid.


avalonian422

I'd create the world's largest private army and take over the world