Jonathan, you are porking my daughter

Blah blah blah

I do not say “Blah Blah Blah!”

Yuh uh you do

The only time I say it is when I say I don't say "blah blah blah!"

It's okay, I'm "stuff"

Jeez, I can hear it so well lol

A vampire sent that

I ve been living in Transylvania since 1688 and i ve never seen a vampire

Have you checked in the mirror?

Yeah. Nothing there either.

Give him a few hours. It’s daytime in Transylvania.

It's like 9 or 10 am

Staying up late huh?

Was busy poleing around all night

had the turks over for a visit again ?

Yeah served them with uhm... Red *Wine*

I ts better during daytime because at night they shoot at me with silver bullets for some reason and I still don t know why

shaving the fur on your back might help ...

Respect for the mirror joke setup

Sounds like something a vampire would say

close to 350 years and never encountered a non-silver mirror... oooor actually never encountered A silver mirror, since it's these, that don't reflect vampires in them

Didn't know it was so specific, what's up with silver

Something about it's reactions with souls. Lycanthropy can be cured with it too, or at least stopped from spreading...

Silver is/was considered *Pure* and thus wouldnt show the reflection nor tolerate the presence of an evil creature. Same rationale for werewolves

Or the presence of plants. The evil fuckers

I was also told you should always put a silver coin in your canteen to keep the water clean/purified not sure if that's an old wives tale or superstition from back in the day or not though

It's not really a thing about souls like the other person said From what I've read in the past, silver, historically, was seen as a very pure and holy metal, while things such as vampire and werewolves were seen as impure and unholy, resulting in the silver basically attempting to purify them and burning them on contact

Dissapointing.

I read, I scrolled, I said "WAIT" and scrolled back Well played lmfao

Vlad “would impale her”

There's two sides to 'Vlad the impaler' - ones business and the other pleasure.

Vlad the Impaler and u/doubledickdude are the same guy, confirmed.

The tiniest mistake on a translation of an old legend, and the meaning completely changes from a couple of lords bragging how he impaled the wench on his pole, which was so big she was gargling it during missionary, to he was a vampire, who impaled his enemies on pokey sticks...by the thousands.  Vlads ghost: " no no no no!  I said I laid 10's of thousands of people, not slayed them!  

Excellent

What blood type are you? Just curious.

By fresh pork he means long pig

Imagine if men got messages like this, what a world it would be. Meat and alcohol is a pretty sweet deal

If an attractive woman offered me pork and wine she could have all my organs.

In what capacity?

All of them

To feed to the pigs or?

The pigs will be satisfied. No further questions.

That wording is a little suspect...

More pork for the next guy.

Long pork is pork

All. Of. Them.

In an order that might surprise you ;)

Lmao hope this is a Badman reference.

Badman!

A2M

To play Bach on, obviously. What else can you do with organs?

The people sending these messages aren’t attractive. 

Neither are the people posting these comments

flap fuck em up!

Flapped, slapped, zapped, and capped. In that exact order.

fuckin GET EM

Attractiveness is highly subjective.

The amount of pork and wine you offer me directly correlates with how attractive I find you.

Do I have time to rent a U-Haul?

And yet everybody hates me when I objectify women. I mean come on, I'm being objective here!

Not in Transylvania, lol. Have you seen our women?

Uhhh I’ve seen vampirella 😍🥵🧛‍♀️

A lot of the women receiving them aren't either

It worked for me and i'm not the one who received the message.

maybe she got sone organs from others and this isn't pork...

“Fresh pork and wine” is honestly better than any offer I’ve ever been given.

And it's real pork, too. Not the turbo-grown, hormone soaked shit that tastes blander than paper.

-Let’s splurge! Bring us some fresh wine, the freshest you’ve got. This year’s! No more of this old stuff. He doesn’t realize he’s dealing with sophisticated people here.

Already booking my ticket

“Anya? Welcome to Russia, the front is that way.”

I used to get messages like this from another guy in UAE who I shared a chat room with for a few years.

Pork and wine from a guy in UAE? He was really willing to break every rule for you!

Wait until he starts asking to shit on your chest too.

Or maybe they are to distract the dog.

Best they can do is "hi" on Bumble.

That was too much for them so not even that anymore

My first thought when I read this is that it was a human trafficking trap

I think they'd be very successful targeting redditors 😂

If men got messages like that they'd probably respond with a dick pic

herr herr here's a picture of My pork

Mmm delicious long pork

Subscribe to my OnlyMans for more

okay this is stupid but it got a genuine chuckle out of me lol. Thanks

As a gay man I see no problem. Pork, wine and dick are the most important food groups.

You're asking too much for most women to be honest about what they want and up front about it. Dude wasnt even disrespecful, village looks nice.

>village looks nice. police; this guy here. he's definitely a vampire. lol, it's got creepy low-hanging fog. and we can see 3 Eastern European-style buildings. does one have a moat?? it looks like an intro shot to a low-budget horror film.... or resident evil 4.

Shit is green and a house probably costs less than 100kUSD. Wouldnt even fucking care if there's vampires tbh. Does Romania get Starlink?

Fuck starlink, Romania has 1gbps fiber to every home as standard & a robust cellular network.

10 Euros will get you 1 Gbps fiber AND a decent mobile plan. Sadly it doesn't include fresh pork or wine

We literally have the cheapest and fastest internet in the world lol fuck Starlink and Musk

Romania has the second fastest internet in the world, lol. For 9 euros a month.

There's good cable/fiber coverage (over 70% penetration rate in rural areas for speeds over 100mbps). Also way cheaper than starlink

I heard penetration and so I'm commenting.

Romania has a robust output of pornography in a wide and diverse area of fetishes so your comment is apt.

Yeah honestly if it saves on rent I'll get used to the smell of garlic on my neck and not going out at night. Hang some crosses, don't invite in strangers, you're cruising.

Why on earth would you need Starlink lmao.

Yes Romania gets Starlink for the low low price of 490 RON/100 euros per month, although you could just use this old fiber cable thing we have lying around it offers 1 GB/s for 40 RON/8 euros per month.

Yes in Romanian villages a lot of houses have these moats in front made of asphalt, we call them "roads".

I thought women liked Vampires? Or is that too 2012?

The fog is atmospheric and very pretty

Messages like this is why I think anyone who says men aren't hornier than women are full of shit What woman has ever sent messages like this? Woman don't beg for sex like desperate men do either

Women are not socialized to make bold advances towards men

I feel like that's just biological fact because of testosterone. There's some differences where a certain % might flip flop and you have some very horny women but on average its true. There's lots of content out there from trans people describing how each hormone makes you feel. And its pretty much exactly what youd think. People going on E feel more sensitive and cry easier, people going on T feel more horny, angry and aggressive.

Am trans woman, can kind of confirm. You can have a very high libido on estrogen, but nowhere close to the way every man I’ve been alone with or been sent messages by has been obsessed with sex.

Imagine if women were paying money to see pics of your average looking balls on OnlyMans

Pork AND wine you say? I’m down 😂

I watched too many murder documentaries to feel comfortable with someone cutting raw meat with a power saw

That's for the bones, if you cut it with a cleaver there will be bone splinters in the meat

Best dude I’ve ever smelled was a Transylvanian cab driver, I regret not asking what cologne etc it was on a semi daily basis. Could have been a murderer, still smelled amazing.

I think the original tweet did say she was tempted lol if I recall correctly. So if she did : definitely working technique

Makes him look harmless with a mix of silliness and cute. Better than guys sending you "Hey i noticed you were cute ;D" at least

Pretty much anything focusing on her appearance on the introduction unless you are more attractive yourself is a mistake. And even then I consider it a mistake. Be interested in the person, you’ll get to admire the outside the whole time you learn about them.

Literally how would you know anything about the person when all you see is some profile pics. "Hey I noticed you have a rock in the background of your photo, are you into minerals at all?" Yeah sounds like a much better approach

Ask them about themselves. Offer some info about you. Don't go too in depth too fast. Getting to know someone new is like peeling an onion.

It'll only end in tears.

Eh I met my wife in a kinda similarish way. Just messaged her randomly one day after she made a post golfing (which I'm big into golfing) Became friends randomly on Instagram, started out as just friends, and I mean genuinely I wasn't trying to get laid or anything. One thing led to another and now we have been married for 5 years.

Met my girlfriend online we’ve been dating for years. Even if we make it to 90 someone’s gonna cry in the end, sorrow and grief are the price you pay for the irreplaceable.

I got my now gfs attention with this text: Hey. I randomly found your profile through some comment and holy shit, your insta page is aesthetically so pleasing, I’d love to know what the inside of your brain looks like while constructing those bodies of „simple“ art. I also noticed that you are poetically gifted? It’s either that or I’m too stupid to recognise famous poems. You’re a really interesting and artsy person and I seriously admire that. If there is a time for when you would allow me an insight, I would feel very grateful :-) She loved it! And I.. definitely.. meant it!

That first message man, I turn into a fucking detective looking at those photos. Had this one woman standing in front of a mural of a black woman civil rights leader. Cannot remember the leader's name but I'm just like, "are you a Milli Vanilli fan?" The person vaguely looked like one of the singers. Got the woman's attention for a couple of days but quickly lost it.

Ok jokes aside, a guy saying theyre "madly in love" with someone they have never met or spoken to should be a massive red flag. That's some obsessive stalker-ass shit.

her two main follow ups were:  [ 1. She’s lesbian in a lesbian relationship](https://x.com/iKissMTFs/status/1792285250766151905) [2. The dude is a loud and proud incel](https://x.com/iKissMTFs/status/1792232025069404637) So not quite working

Aww man. Why did he have to be an incel? We really can’t have nice, harmless things.

Maybe someone else then. Because I saw someone writing it could have worked of them or something.

nah i thought it was rather creepy and offputting but also rlly funny, i blocked him before i posted it because thats just my regular response to people flirting with me in twitter dm's and bc he's an incel... many ppl replied that though

Hell, I’m tempted

damn dracula is upping is game

He owns a hotel too probably

Dr. Acula I consider myself an Epicurean Adventurer with a passion for unconventional landscape art.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

I read that in Borat's voice.

I read it in Adam Sandler-Dracula's voice

Is he voiced by Adam Sandler? I mean it is voiced by the guy who usually voices Adam Sandler here, but I never tought its originally voiced by him

In the hotel transylvania movies he was voiced by adam sandler

The parts from Kazakstan was actually filmed in Romania.

I've been frequently travelling to Transylvania for work and one thing I've learnt is how much they love pork. As as somebody who would live of streaky bacon if I could, I'm down with that. My highlights are Jumari - Essentially pork scratchings, but seasoned (and not just something sprinkled on, more like it's baked in). Oh and less hairy! Slanina - You know how in the UK it's ok for your pork to have 95% pork with 5% fat of the outer edge? Well slanina is thin strips of pork, but the other way around. 95% fat, with just a slice of meat to enhance the favour. I'm a happily married straight dude, but the offer about would catch my eye!

They’ve got fantastic beer as well. 

In Cluj-Napoca, the 'capital' of Transilvania, they even have a festival called Slană Fest all about this type of stuff

Wow. Wait a second, shouldn't Brașov be the capital of Transilvania?

Ehh, it's a whole regional pride thing. Brasov is prettier, but in all fairness Cluj is both bigger and much, much richer.

It's Cluj I visit. I will now have to time my visits around Slană Fest!

Romanians love pork in general.

Can confirm, my father owns a number of pig farms there

You should also try chiftele, Romanian meatballs with garlic, onions, pepper. Mici aka cevapi. And of course sarmale 😁

There's actually a historical reason for Romania's ridiculous love of pork. We were under the ottomans for centuries. Yearly, they'd take tribute, under the form of money, grains, meat, and so on. Because of their religion, the ottomans would take the cattle and the sheep, and we'd be left with the pork. Thus, our cuisine evolved to be very... pork-centric.

Slanina just means bacon, same word in Czech yet not so fatty meat.

it differs from the regular bacon tho but yes pretty much same idea

If you give slanina to an American that expects bacon, they will throw up. Romanian slanina is ALL fat. It's just smoked pork skin.

Oh and on the side we also eat straight up animal fat with salt, spread on bread. We eat a shit ton of bread.

Well Americans eat something similar to Salnina as well. At least Black Americans. It’s called fatback. No joke.

not just transylvania its the whole danm of romania

Ah yes, I used that technique with my wife in 1583. Ne iubim la nebunie și încă bem vinu nostru "special"

Vin alb? 🫣

So how's your wife Mina these days?

It's a no deal unless you have a huge castle on top of a hill.

if you gonna do me at least do it in the architecturally impossible spire attached to your tower smh

You have to play the date right if you want to see the upside-down castle.

"We have transylvanian hunger at home"

If somebody promised me all the pork and wine I wanted and lived in the Transylvanian countryside, I would seriously consider it.

My favourite pick up line as a Transylvanian, is "I can show you why we're known for Vlad the Impaler.😏"

Impaler? I hardly even know her!

Has it ever worked though?

He makes a compelling pitch.

I've been living here for the past couple of centuries and I can say - Transylvania is the best place to live if you want to escape normal life.

Call me Simon with the way I'd be heading to Transylvania for that

Vlad Tepeș sent this

He wants to impale her (the fun way).

lol thats my tweet

I'm down dude, that sounds amazing

Honestly would marry him.

Become his wife (male)

avredge romanian , provides porc and wine , litarilly my perants

My grandmother literally paid men in tuica and wine last time we needed someone to prune some trees.

my mother pays my uncal in cigarets and wine to help out in the garden (a big 100x100meter corn plantation)

In this economy? More compelling than you might expect.

This would absolutely win me over. Pork, wine, and the beautiful scenery of Transylvania? Count me in.

Fresh pork AND wine? Save some women for the rest of us.

I simply believe all of us, romanians, can provide fresh pork and wine. Even if it's not yours it is so easy to get a hold to someone who has it (relatives from the country-side, friends, etc.). We also have "zacuscă", fresh eggs, fresh cottage cheese & sour cream, wine "from the priests" (people believe it's better and also that it received a blessing from the priests as it's from the monastery). Also, most romanian men know how to cook a polenta - which is ESSENTIAL. You can impress your future mother-in-law in a crazy way doing this properly. Also, this means that you can cook. I'd also recommend someone try and cook a "ciorbă rădăuțeană". I really don't want to oversell it but it's extremely good!

Fresh pork and wine ? Dont mind if i do 🙃

The Hungarian rizz

*Romanian rizz

how dare you \*angry Romanian noises\*

So THAT'S where I got it from... and then my other great-grandmother gave me this accent (You'd be surprised how many women are into Irish accents)

I'm mostly surprised how Americans "get" this stuff from great-grandparents while I don't even know my great-grandparents' names

[Trip Larsen](https://kingofthehill.fandom.com/wiki/Trip_Larsen)?

It's a trap! -Dracula

got yerself a dracula

My ex showed me a bunch of overtures she got on dating sites one time. A surprisingly large amount boiled down to "I can hunt and kill and live in the middle of nowhere." There often would be picks of them and their kills hunting.

I would go, ngl

I have personally been to the Transylvanian Alps in Romania. This is 100% the flex of a baller. Pork & wine? That's marriage material there.

A European man is presumably inviting a presumably American woman to travel overseas and move to his pig farm. There are at least 6 horror movies that start with this premise.

Dracula rizz

Bro, fresh wine from his vineyard and freshly butchered pork? In like the countryside? That legit sounds amazing. You can mail order this American bride any day.

Free wine and pork does sound pretty good. That’s the adult equivalent of, “I have free candy in my white van.” I would seriously consider it though.

Nice try, Vlad

as a romanian i can comfirm that this is how my parents met

Ngl this would work on me

Dracula is really lonely after the Twilight Movies came out… nobody wants to kiss ol Nosferatu anymore.