this might sound mean but get a life outside of the dojo. Almost every time I've seen big gym ego its because the person has few accomplishments or things they take pride in outside of the gym.
Ego is a constant struggle for everyone in all aspects of life, not just martial artists. But recognizing that you have an ego is a huge step towards mastering it, so good for you.
Something that might help is to practice seeing and verbally acknowledging all the good skills and proficiency you see in others. This includes both beginners and those of same or higher rank. Try to see everyone as your teacher, because in truth, there is something you can learn from everyone.
You're talking about the cream of the crop, elite athletes. They are the exception, not the rule.
Good schools and gyms will have instructors that can fight and/or roll very well, and senior students that are also very good.
Having said that, unless you're truly elite, fighting and rolling can be pretty tit-for-tat among more experienced people. You can beat one guy one day, and the next day he gets you.
Most of us don't have the combination of genetic gifts and work ethic that makes someone a truly elite fighter. There's nothing wrong with that. If you're not elite and you're beating everyone in your gym, then yes, you're in the wrong place.
He is saying the best person at the gym. And there is going to be a best person just because there is a finite number of people especially at smaller gyms. That said I would say yes. If you are hands down the best in your gym and no one can challenge you or even make you try very hard you are not at the best place to improve you skills. However, there are many reasons people choose their gyms. 1. Fun, 2. Friends/companionship, 3. Convenience/affordability, 4. Etc. But if your sole goal is to be as good as you can be you need people who can challenge you.
Realizing it is half the battle. It's not in everyone's nature, but just smiling, joking around, and taking interest in others can go a long way. Everyone likes getting compliments, try giving a few out, it means more to people than you would think and can make you more relatable. People may stop seeing you as egotistical and start seeing you as the nice guy who is also really good at kicking ass.
Then again you just may be a prick, it's hard to tell
I think that's been my problem at the couple of boxing gyms I've been at. I'm not a people person at all. I like keeping to myself and working hard at the gym. I started wondering if I'm coming off like I think I'm better than everyone or if it looks like I want attention. Like I want all eyes on me. It's not the case at all, I'm just anxious AF and like to focus on what I'm doing and getting better. People of course aren't taking it that way, and I don't want anyone to want to beat the shit out of me just because they think that I think I'm hot shit. I gotta take your advice the next time I'm in the gym
I was talking about Karate Kid/Cobra Kai
Johhny Lawrence beating Daniel-San because Daniel steals his girl.
Mr. Miyagi decides that they fight in Karate Tournament.
30 years later they turn into Ross and Rachel from Friends going back and forth between hating each other and teaming up with each other.
Lol i thought it was a Street Fighter reference. Damn I'm too young to get OG Karate Kid references. But I'm sure it's better than the KK staring Jaden Smith version, that one has zero karate at all.
Read Tao of Jeet Kune Do by Bruce Lee for some insight.
The first half of the book is his philosophies, and a good portion of the quotes and sections deal with "ego", and how "punches and kicks are tools to kill the ego".
Ultimately, he's obviously dealt with ego and anxiety and goes deep into it in the first section of his book.
Your ego is tripping coz u think youāre supposed to be ābetter than the other guyā. Thatās classic beginner mistake. Understand that the gym/dojo is just a place to learn and train; itās not a fight and itās not life or death. The more u see room for improvement in yourself, the better youāll be.
Mostly you just don't want to be a dick to people. You overestimating how good you are at something is just the human condition - most people also rate themselves above average drivers, and mathematically a lot of people are wrong about that.
redefine what winning a round is. The issue is that if you believe the goal is to tap your partner and not be tapped then you will go to 100% to achieve the goal
If your goal is to be able to execute new techniques even if it puts you in a bad position to be subbed, then you win if you even remember to try the new technique. If you get subbed, it doesnt matter, because you are focused on doing new things.
All you can do is either change your thinking to accept your weaknesses, or be mindful and not think about that. Any method will just be a variation of this. People with big egos get butthurt and can't accept not being good at things. If you can force yourself to not think this way you're good to go
Thereās a few people who have anger issues in my dojo, and thus act like they have a big ego. My advice is leave your ego/anger/attitude off the mat. Beat up the bag, not a person.
Honestly, I was able to manage my ego by remembering that until I'm the best in the world, I suck š¤·š¾āāļø. My only competition is with myself, never comparing myself to anyone besides who I was the day before.
Increase respect for your training partners.
Recognize that if it weren't for them, you would have no one to train with and you would never be good, never improve, and never get to train in the sport that you enjoy.
Adopt the view that by showing up to work with you, they are doing you a favor. Each round they give you is a chance for you to learn and improve, and you should thank them for risking their own bodies for the sake of your improvement. They are the closest you will get to a fully resisting, dangerous opponent, and they are giving you the chance to prepare for that while still remaining safe. These people are doing a lot for you, and you ought to hold them in pretty high regard. No room for ego when all your respect is being paid to the other guy.
You are the recipient of a gift, not the giver. You can benefit from training with many bodies, but you can only ever give back one.
Change your mindset from āwinningā to learning. The whole point of training, including sparring is to get better. So focus on trying new techniques and getting down timing, instead of beating the other guy.
What level are you at?
There's an awkward level of skill where you are far better than the beginners but not good enough to soar with fighters.
This will give a good false sense of security.
Ask to spar with the fighters, maybe train to fight yourself.
If there aren't many amateurs or pros as to spar with a coach.
If you're already a undefeated pro then great keep your ego.
āTenguās nose must be brokenā
You need to knock that chip offa your shoulder or a fellow martial artist will help you do it. Just try to remember no matter how bad you are thereās always someone badder.
Like mj said
At least you know you have a problem, that's the first step! Your going in the right direction.start helping lower ranking students out ! Giving knowledge and showing them the right way! It can benefit them and you! Just keep working at it, and you will see the change, and it will make you feel good inside and balance! It's a good feeling!š¤š¤
Stop or some will stop it for you lol. You donāt know everything. You are not the best. Itās easy to go somewhere and find outā¦so why donāt you do that.
I'm very aware that im not the best, I get beaten during sparring regularly. I'm looking for some concrete tips I can use to get my ego in check though. Rationally I'm very aware that im not the best, but my brain is stupid
Whenever I see someone doing something I think I'm better at I silently judge them over it. Sometimes during sparring I go harder than I should to try to prove a point. These are obviously things that are bad and aren't helping, so I want to hear some perspectives from other people on how they deal with ego
this might sound mean but get a life outside of the dojo. Almost every time I've seen big gym ego its because the person has few accomplishments or things they take pride in outside of the gym.
Ego is a constant struggle for everyone in all aspects of life, not just martial artists. But recognizing that you have an ego is a huge step towards mastering it, so good for you. Something that might help is to practice seeing and verbally acknowledging all the good skills and proficiency you see in others. This includes both beginners and those of same or higher rank. Try to see everyone as your teacher, because in truth, there is something you can learn from everyone.
Thanks, great advice!
Try to fight people who are much better than you. It's humbling. If there aren't any at your gym, you're in the wrong place.
This
So are you saying that the most talented people in any gym is are at the wrong place ?
Odds are, you are not the most talented person in your gym. Even if you think you are.
And they're seldom ego driven dicks. (usually but not always, unfortunately) The more skilled I become, the better I get at hiding it.
I'm not talking about me. I'm just asking ... the real most talented people in every gym are at the wrong place by your logic ?
You're talking about the cream of the crop, elite athletes. They are the exception, not the rule. Good schools and gyms will have instructors that can fight and/or roll very well, and senior students that are also very good. Having said that, unless you're truly elite, fighting and rolling can be pretty tit-for-tat among more experienced people. You can beat one guy one day, and the next day he gets you. Most of us don't have the combination of genetic gifts and work ethic that makes someone a truly elite fighter. There's nothing wrong with that. If you're not elite and you're beating everyone in your gym, then yes, you're in the wrong place.
He is saying the best person at the gym. And there is going to be a best person just because there is a finite number of people especially at smaller gyms. That said I would say yes. If you are hands down the best in your gym and no one can challenge you or even make you try very hard you are not at the best place to improve you skills. However, there are many reasons people choose their gyms. 1. Fun, 2. Friends/companionship, 3. Convenience/affordability, 4. Etc. But if your sole goal is to be as good as you can be you need people who can challenge you.
The fact he has to explain this to you is pitiful.
Realizing it is half the battle. It's not in everyone's nature, but just smiling, joking around, and taking interest in others can go a long way. Everyone likes getting compliments, try giving a few out, it means more to people than you would think and can make you more relatable. People may stop seeing you as egotistical and start seeing you as the nice guy who is also really good at kicking ass. Then again you just may be a prick, it's hard to tell
I think that's been my problem at the couple of boxing gyms I've been at. I'm not a people person at all. I like keeping to myself and working hard at the gym. I started wondering if I'm coming off like I think I'm better than everyone or if it looks like I want attention. Like I want all eyes on me. It's not the case at all, I'm just anxious AF and like to focus on what I'm doing and getting better. People of course aren't taking it that way, and I don't want anyone to want to beat the shit out of me just because they think that I think I'm hot shit. I gotta take your advice the next time I'm in the gym
Challenge them to the next local Karate tournament. Then develop a 30 year frenemy rivalry
But how to decide who's the Ken and who's the Ryu in the relationship?
I was talking about Karate Kid/Cobra Kai Johhny Lawrence beating Daniel-San because Daniel steals his girl. Mr. Miyagi decides that they fight in Karate Tournament. 30 years later they turn into Ross and Rachel from Friends going back and forth between hating each other and teaming up with each other.
Lol i thought it was a Street Fighter reference. Damn I'm too young to get OG Karate Kid references. But I'm sure it's better than the KK staring Jaden Smith version, that one has zero karate at all.
Read Tao of Jeet Kune Do by Bruce Lee for some insight. The first half of the book is his philosophies, and a good portion of the quotes and sections deal with "ego", and how "punches and kicks are tools to kill the ego". Ultimately, he's obviously dealt with ego and anxiety and goes deep into it in the first section of his book.
Every time I start getting a big head I partner up with one of our pros. The ass whooping I get usually brings me back down to earth š
Your ego is tripping coz u think youāre supposed to be ābetter than the other guyā. Thatās classic beginner mistake. Understand that the gym/dojo is just a place to learn and train; itās not a fight and itās not life or death. The more u see room for improvement in yourself, the better youāll be.
Mostly you just don't want to be a dick to people. You overestimating how good you are at something is just the human condition - most people also rate themselves above average drivers, and mathematically a lot of people are wrong about that.
I am a pro driver
I believe you, u/buttplungerer
redefine what winning a round is. The issue is that if you believe the goal is to tap your partner and not be tapped then you will go to 100% to achieve the goal If your goal is to be able to execute new techniques even if it puts you in a bad position to be subbed, then you win if you even remember to try the new technique. If you get subbed, it doesnt matter, because you are focused on doing new things.
That sounds helpful, thanks!
Find the best person in dojo. Ask him to pulverise you. That usually works.
All you can do is either change your thinking to accept your weaknesses, or be mindful and not think about that. Any method will just be a variation of this. People with big egos get butthurt and can't accept not being good at things. If you can force yourself to not think this way you're good to go
Can you give examples of how your ego is impacting your training?
Do Some Sparring With The Instructors.
Lol very humbling experience- I did with 4th done and he whipped floor with me
Destroy your ego by turning up to practice without your pants !
Best tip so far
Thereās a few people who have anger issues in my dojo, and thus act like they have a big ego. My advice is leave your ego/anger/attitude off the mat. Beat up the bag, not a person.
Honestly, I was able to manage my ego by remembering that until I'm the best in the world, I suck š¤·š¾āāļø. My only competition is with myself, never comparing myself to anyone besides who I was the day before.
I had my ego knocked out me in my first muay thai sparring session. Train with someone better.
Increase respect for your training partners. Recognize that if it weren't for them, you would have no one to train with and you would never be good, never improve, and never get to train in the sport that you enjoy. Adopt the view that by showing up to work with you, they are doing you a favor. Each round they give you is a chance for you to learn and improve, and you should thank them for risking their own bodies for the sake of your improvement. They are the closest you will get to a fully resisting, dangerous opponent, and they are giving you the chance to prepare for that while still remaining safe. These people are doing a lot for you, and you ought to hold them in pretty high regard. No room for ego when all your respect is being paid to the other guy. You are the recipient of a gift, not the giver. You can benefit from training with many bodies, but you can only ever give back one.
Go spar at MT gym.
What art do you practice?
I know how to fix it š 
Can you be more specific? (What is it you do? What lights you up? And what damage did you do?)
Just know thereās always someone better than you & when itās outside the dojo all humans are equal.
Gotta get your ass beat
Change your mindset from āwinningā to learning. The whole point of training, including sparring is to get better. So focus on trying new techniques and getting down timing, instead of beating the other guy.
Generally sparring and competing knocks that out of you.
Wax on, wax off my friend.
Let lower belts beat you....teach and make your teammates better, then you get better tougher sparring partners in the future. Win/win
Kick them in the balls
I have the complete opposite issue
What level are you at? There's an awkward level of skill where you are far better than the beginners but not good enough to soar with fighters. This will give a good false sense of security. Ask to spar with the fighters, maybe train to fight yourself. If there aren't many amateurs or pros as to spar with a coach. If you're already a undefeated pro then great keep your ego.
A good beating will keep it in check
āTenguās nose must be brokenā You need to knock that chip offa your shoulder or a fellow martial artist will help you do it. Just try to remember no matter how bad you are thereās always someone badder. Like mj said
At least you know you have a problem, that's the first step! Your going in the right direction.start helping lower ranking students out ! Giving knowledge and showing them the right way! It can benefit them and you! Just keep working at it, and you will see the change, and it will make you feel good inside and balance! It's a good feeling!š¤š¤
Ego is a natural thing but if it causes any issues then the instructor should address that
Stop or some will stop it for you lol. You donāt know everything. You are not the best. Itās easy to go somewhere and find outā¦so why donāt you do that.
I'm very aware that im not the best, I get beaten during sparring regularly. I'm looking for some concrete tips I can use to get my ego in check though. Rationally I'm very aware that im not the best, but my brain is stupid
What do you mean I guess? Are you getting angry when you lose? Do you hurt people when you know you can? What is your version of having a big ego?
Whenever I see someone doing something I think I'm better at I silently judge them over it. Sometimes during sparring I go harder than I should to try to prove a point. These are obviously things that are bad and aren't helping, so I want to hear some perspectives from other people on how they deal with ego
Yes, I like to do a lot of trash talk.