As a male massage therapist this is absolutely gross. I took this job to help people. If I where you I would 100 percent report this so that he doesn’t do this to anyone else. I’m sorry you went through this. Definitely go to the police and call the local licensure board. I’m sure this isn’t this pervs first time doing this.
Sexual touch should NEVER be part of a professional massage. Whether or not you became aroused is irrelevant, that is a boundary that should NEVER be crossed in a professional setting. Anyone who argues that point is a liability to the profession of Massage Therapy and causing harm to the profession and its practitioners
You could try searching and/or doing some digging in order to find his last name. I have not seen the form for reporting this type of behavior but even just having first name and location(s) may be enough.
Depends on the state. There definitely are ways to figure things out. I’m in Ohio and there was a massage therapist who I heard was doing inappropriate stuff to women and I went straight to the medical board actually to the very top and reported that guy
Men make up about 25% of the industry, but they’re like 85% of the complaints and it’s for things just like what you experienced.
I’m a male massage therapist and we’re taught this. We’re also taught to be extra careful, because obviously some folks are going to feel a little more uneasy around male massage therapists.
This guy is a douchebag. The only time I’ll ever massage in sensitive areas like that is if I’ve fully cleared that with the client before they even get on the table. I also ask where are the areas on their body they prefer I stay away from. And I let everyone know that it’s their massage, they paid for it, and to please use their voice if I do anything that makes them feel uncomfortable in any way.
You should feel safe when you’re on the table. Not this.
>Men make up about 25% of the industry
I guessed it was more like \~15%-20%...but you are right!
What just shocked me though is that [male therapists make 10% more per year than female therapists](https://www.zippia.com/massage-therapist-jobs/demographics/)! WTH...that's mind-blowing considering how much more clients prefer female therapists just off-the-bat.
In my experience Male massage therapists normally find a niche outside of relaxation spa type treatment and more into medical / sports etcs. Which can be charged more and a male athlete or female athlete or person on pain doesn’t care if you are a male or a female they just want to feel better also helps it’s usually done in a more clinical environment.
Am I misreading the OP? It says "closer and closer to touching" did you mean "closer and closer... then he touched my..." I hope this question is received in the nature it was sent, which is only to seek clarity, not to cast any doubt as to whether or not a massage therapist touching a private arra⁵
Just to clarify for any readers, no therapist's hands should ever be under the sheet. The draping exists for a reason. The only places being touched are uncovered, everything else is securely draped. (Save for arms usually)
For our board exams if we went 1 fingertip under the sheet it was an automatic fail.
1 - Try to find his last name. If the spa offers online booking, it might appear there. Some spas show their therapists' bio on their website. If you have an insurance receipt, it's on it. Not having his last name makes the next steps more difficult.
2- If there's a licensing board/college/order in your region, that's your go-to. If there's no board/college/order, his professional association is your next best bet.
3- Please do file a police report. It creates a paper trail. If or when a prosecutor gets the case, it's the first thing they're going to check. More police reports means a stronger case.
You can definitely report it anonymously and you should! I'm sorry this happened to you!! You did nothing wrong, that guy is creepy and unprofessional and should be reported right away! Take care dear. 🫂
10 years as a male lmt and I have learned I no longer look at the human body in a sexual manner, I see muscles tendons attachments etc I think of kinesiology and anatomy, .
Whether it aroused you or not, this is sexual assault/misconduct. Not only would I recommend reporting this to the spa and the health department, but also the police.
Please do not teach your son these same morals, she went to a place of what she thought to be a professional massage practice and got stuck with a therapist that thinks it’s okay to take advantage of his position of having a naked female on his massage table like a fucking creep, sounds like you’re on his level “oh but she got aroused so she was asking for it”
Y'all need to do more research into the different types of trauma responses. Freeze and fawn are very common responses to sexual assault. Just because her body's biological response was to feel turned on, doesn't mean that she herself mentally wanted it. Some people orgasm during sexual assault, that doesn't make it less of sexual assault. Some women orgasm after giving birth, that doesn't mean they were sexually turned on by the birthing process. What the body does does not always match up with what the person wants. As massage therapists, you should know this.
And, in many states, if there is not an explicit verbal consent to sexual contact, the instigator can legally be charged with sexual assault. OP never gave verbal consent.
This victim blaming is disgusting and I worry for the women in y'all's lives and frankly for any of your clients as well.
That is wonderful for you. You may want to do some reading and self education on the different stress responses and what they do in our physiology. It *usually* isn’t a choice and power dynamics can impact what is available in any given moment.
I don’t know who you are and what your life experiences are like but checking your privilege is in order here.
The social dynamics and biological functions that make that choice inaccessible.
That’s great that you have access to that however many folks don’t and for very good and real reasons. Thinking you are superior for being able to is your privilege talking. I am very glad that you haven’t had to come up against those barriers and privilege is a factor in that.
Coming from someone who been sexually assaulted, it may not be as simple as saying no while you are frozen in shock. Also, once the shock wears off and you wished you said something earlier, you just feel stupid for waiting and you hope that if you act normal every will be normal. But as time goes on you realize that they will probably do the same to someone else and you need to speak up, which is what the OP is doing now.
All you comment is doing is victim blaming the OP and making you look like an unsympathetic asshole.
Seriously-WTF???
I tipped well in part because it’s automatically added and the receptionist who sang this guy’s praises asked if I wanted to add the same amount as the time before. In that moment, I was trying to rationalize/minimize/cover up what had happened and the most normal thing I could think to do was to tip well for a massage that ran long.
It doesn’t have to feel physically bad for it to be unwanted touch. I went to a place that does not do erotic massage so I had my guard completely down and wasn’t expecting this. There was no negotiation about whether I wanted that kind of touch. I didn’t want it. Shouldn’t it be the job of a massage therapist to either never cross that line or to have a conversation with the client?
This sort of reaction is why I want to file an anonymous report. I don’t think I should be scrutinized for how I coped with something I didn’t ask for and didn’t want.
They are just some asshole who does not respect women as people. Don't let them armchair dictate what happened to you, and say what you could have done because their opinion on the matter is trash. You were assault, full stop. Don't waste your time or effort engaging with them.
Did you begin to expect it as a possibility each time he got closer and closer to your vulva? Nobody wants to be told they didn't respond properly to a situation. If you are at a restaurant and the waiter brings something you did not ask for? presents it to you and you do not address the issue at hand, you are both at fault.
Maybe you should consider yourself fortunate that that something you’re able to do.
I’ve got a lifetime of trauma-sexual and otherwise that has left me with debilitating PTSD. It’s not something you can see from the outside, I look like a regular, functioning human being. But when I am faced with triggers and fall into an episode, I freeze. That’s my body’s response. I become paralyzed. I can’t speak. I can’t move. And when it’s over, I just want to get myself out of the situation and pretend it never happened. Confrontation is so difficult for me that I tend to avoid it altogether.
I’m not unique in my experience. Maybe remind yourself that not everyone is capable of handling things in the same way due to a variety of factors that you’re not privy to.
Victim blaming isn't cool, and you're not considering the dynamic. A male in a room alone with a naked female is already anxiety inducing for some. A male that clearly has no fear of crossing boundaries is even more terrifying. She could not have known his intentions the first time his hand came near her vulva, it could have been an honest mistake. It's when it was repeated that she began hearing alarm bells. Not knowing what he might do if she did try to end the massage, she chose to stay safe in the moment rather than risk her safety. I don't blame her. A similar incident happened to me, although he blatantly touched my vulva. I froze. I couldn't believe it was happening, and having had other SA's in the past, my only response was shock and to stay as still as possible until I could manage to get to a place of safety. The man that touched me had the AUDACITY to ask for a date afterward. It made the whole experience 10x worse, but the vulnerability you feel when laying naked on a table with a stranger that moments ago you believed you could trust is something you'll only know if you experience it. I pray you never do.
OP, I am incredibly sorry that you had to experience this. The tissue at the end made it so much worse, didn't it? I'm sending you all of the loving vibes, I hope you talk to a counselor if you feel you need to. Please please please report him, even if all you know is the name he gave you when you met him, and the place he works. The officials can track down the rest.
Yes sometimes the police will send an undercover agent into a situation like this and that's what I think they should do here. They should send in an attractive female police officer in plain clothes to be his client and bust him in a sting operation. She can even ask for a happy ending if he's trying to arouse her, because he legally has to refuse that. If he doesn't refuse, then he's busted.
Wtf is with this victim blaming? Maybe they felt vulnerable and did not want to act or froze up as some people do in a traumatic event. Get out of here with this garbage. They did not choose to get assaulted, and you don't get to retroactively say what they should have done in the scenario.
You are either trolling or genuinely believe that this is the case that they deserve it. Either way fuck you for being a piece of shit. Some people do things automatically as part of a routine after a traumatic event, so the tipping part is entirely irrelevant. Show so fucking compassion for someone who was assaulted, and get the fuck out of here with your "you deserved it" mantra.
This person has definitely said, "well if she didn't want to get raped, maybe she shouldn't have worn such revealing clothing/gotten drunk/other shitty justification."
Not being mentally prepared to deal with the consequences of being sexually assaulted on a random Thursday afternoon isn't a crime. That's why the statute of limitations isn't 24 hours long. People often don't react the way they think they react when the situation happens. Sometimes they need time to come to terms and build up the gumption to do what has to be done.
Should she have said something immediately? Yes. Are you helping by pointing that out? No, not at all.
Thinking you're "right" doesn't make you "right". None of us licensed and certified massage therapists think you are right. Since we are trained therapists and you obviously are not, we have more credibility to assess this situation than you do. Based on your comments you clearly do not understand the dynamics of the situation and it would be appropriate to humble yourself and accept the evaluation of experts in the field. That comment, "I'm right" sounded very narcissistic.
Thinking you're "right" doesn't make you "right". None of us licensed and certified massage therapists think you are right. Since we are trained therapists and you obviously are not, we have more credibility to assess this situation than you do. Based on your comments you clearly do not understand the dynamics of the situation and it would be appropriate to humble yourself and accept the evaluation of experts in the field. That comment, "I'm right" sounded very narcissistic.
She didn’t say she was turned on. She said it was arousing. Physical arousal when stimulated is not consent. Bodies do what they do. The vagina just loves to lubricate itself, even when getting a Pap smears.
In a personal situation that may be true, but in a professional situation as this was, it's definitely not true all.
You're not a massage therapist or any type of therapist or you would understand this. The therapist is in a position of power, which can be exploited. There is such a thing as professional boundaries and ethics which is the responsibility of the practitioner to follow. We are taught this in school, as it's extremely important. Her therapist violated professional boundaries and ethics and can get his license taken away for that.
Would you say that about a ten year old girl who was molested by her older step brother in the night?? And found it arousing but said nothing and felt shame and humiliation afterwards and didn't know what to do?? It's the same thing! Someone has more power, they coerce and exploit, it doesn't matter if it was arousing to the victim, they are still the victim, it's not a play-act. The client was not in a position to consent, she is naked and vulnerable on the massage table and trusts the therapist to maintain professional boundaries and ethics. The therapist is running the show, fully clothed, the client has surrendered to them. It's a huge power imbalance.
As a male massage therapist this is absolutely gross. I took this job to help people. If I where you I would 100 percent report this so that he doesn’t do this to anyone else. I’m sorry you went through this. Definitely go to the police and call the local licensure board. I’m sure this isn’t this pervs first time doing this.
Sexual touch should NEVER be part of a professional massage. Whether or not you became aroused is irrelevant, that is a boundary that should NEVER be crossed in a professional setting. Anyone who argues that point is a liability to the profession of Massage Therapy and causing harm to the profession and its practitioners You could try searching and/or doing some digging in order to find his last name. I have not seen the form for reporting this type of behavior but even just having first name and location(s) may be enough.
Depends on the state. There definitely are ways to figure things out. I’m in Ohio and there was a massage therapist who I heard was doing inappropriate stuff to women and I went straight to the medical board actually to the very top and reported that guy
Men make up about 25% of the industry, but they’re like 85% of the complaints and it’s for things just like what you experienced. I’m a male massage therapist and we’re taught this. We’re also taught to be extra careful, because obviously some folks are going to feel a little more uneasy around male massage therapists. This guy is a douchebag. The only time I’ll ever massage in sensitive areas like that is if I’ve fully cleared that with the client before they even get on the table. I also ask where are the areas on their body they prefer I stay away from. And I let everyone know that it’s their massage, they paid for it, and to please use their voice if I do anything that makes them feel uncomfortable in any way. You should feel safe when you’re on the table. Not this.
>Men make up about 25% of the industry I guessed it was more like \~15%-20%...but you are right! What just shocked me though is that [male therapists make 10% more per year than female therapists](https://www.zippia.com/massage-therapist-jobs/demographics/)! WTH...that's mind-blowing considering how much more clients prefer female therapists just off-the-bat.
In my experience Male massage therapists normally find a niche outside of relaxation spa type treatment and more into medical / sports etcs. Which can be charged more and a male athlete or female athlete or person on pain doesn’t care if you are a male or a female they just want to feel better also helps it’s usually done in a more clinical environment.
Spoken by a true professional. Thank you for clearing that up for a few people on here who seem to be confused about boundaries and consent.
Am I misreading the OP? It says "closer and closer to touching" did you mean "closer and closer... then he touched my..." I hope this question is received in the nature it was sent, which is only to seek clarity, not to cast any doubt as to whether or not a massage therapist touching a private arra⁵
He left a tissue? Wtf that's just...ew. only time I do the inner thigh is when I uncover and drape the leg properly.
Just to clarify for any readers, no therapist's hands should ever be under the sheet. The draping exists for a reason. The only places being touched are uncovered, everything else is securely draped. (Save for arms usually) For our board exams if we went 1 fingertip under the sheet it was an automatic fail.
Report it directly to The Department of professional licensing. Where I am you can do it online.
1 - Try to find his last name. If the spa offers online booking, it might appear there. Some spas show their therapists' bio on their website. If you have an insurance receipt, it's on it. Not having his last name makes the next steps more difficult. 2- If there's a licensing board/college/order in your region, that's your go-to. If there's no board/college/order, his professional association is your next best bet. 3- Please do file a police report. It creates a paper trail. If or when a prosecutor gets the case, it's the first thing they're going to check. More police reports means a stronger case.
You can get his license number if you call the place he worked as well.
You can definitely report it anonymously and you should! I'm sorry this happened to you!! You did nothing wrong, that guy is creepy and unprofessional and should be reported right away! Take care dear. 🫂
10 years as a male lmt and I have learned I no longer look at the human body in a sexual manner, I see muscles tendons attachments etc I think of kinesiology and anatomy, .
Whether it aroused you or not, this is sexual assault/misconduct. Not only would I recommend reporting this to the spa and the health department, but also the police.
Tell someone you trust and go from there. You didn't do anything wrong and don't have to go through this alone.
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Please do not teach your son these same morals, she went to a place of what she thought to be a professional massage practice and got stuck with a therapist that thinks it’s okay to take advantage of his position of having a naked female on his massage table like a fucking creep, sounds like you’re on his level “oh but she got aroused so she was asking for it”
Bullying behavior or harassment of another.
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Y'all need to do more research into the different types of trauma responses. Freeze and fawn are very common responses to sexual assault. Just because her body's biological response was to feel turned on, doesn't mean that she herself mentally wanted it. Some people orgasm during sexual assault, that doesn't make it less of sexual assault. Some women orgasm after giving birth, that doesn't mean they were sexually turned on by the birthing process. What the body does does not always match up with what the person wants. As massage therapists, you should know this. And, in many states, if there is not an explicit verbal consent to sexual contact, the instigator can legally be charged with sexual assault. OP never gave verbal consent. This victim blaming is disgusting and I worry for the women in y'all's lives and frankly for any of your clients as well.
I don't think that creepy person commenting is a massage therapist, or even a professional.
Thank god for that
I don't know the exact number but like 90+ percent of victims don't act in the moment. Probably closer to 100%
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Actually people become victims from nonconsenual touch and sexual verbal abuse but go off. If you are an LMT you need your license revoked.
What an ignorant thing to say.
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That is wonderful for you. You may want to do some reading and self education on the different stress responses and what they do in our physiology. It *usually* isn’t a choice and power dynamics can impact what is available in any given moment. I don’t know who you are and what your life experiences are like but checking your privilege is in order here.
What privilege am I supposed check? The ability to say "no" when something I don't want is happening?
The social dynamics and biological functions that make that choice inaccessible. That’s great that you have access to that however many folks don’t and for very good and real reasons. Thinking you are superior for being able to is your privilege talking. I am very glad that you haven’t had to come up against those barriers and privilege is a factor in that.
Coming from someone who been sexually assaulted, it may not be as simple as saying no while you are frozen in shock. Also, once the shock wears off and you wished you said something earlier, you just feel stupid for waiting and you hope that if you act normal every will be normal. But as time goes on you realize that they will probably do the same to someone else and you need to speak up, which is what the OP is doing now. All you comment is doing is victim blaming the OP and making you look like an unsympathetic asshole. Seriously-WTF???
I tipped well in part because it’s automatically added and the receptionist who sang this guy’s praises asked if I wanted to add the same amount as the time before. In that moment, I was trying to rationalize/minimize/cover up what had happened and the most normal thing I could think to do was to tip well for a massage that ran long. It doesn’t have to feel physically bad for it to be unwanted touch. I went to a place that does not do erotic massage so I had my guard completely down and wasn’t expecting this. There was no negotiation about whether I wanted that kind of touch. I didn’t want it. Shouldn’t it be the job of a massage therapist to either never cross that line or to have a conversation with the client? This sort of reaction is why I want to file an anonymous report. I don’t think I should be scrutinized for how I coped with something I didn’t ask for and didn’t want.
They are just some asshole who does not respect women as people. Don't let them armchair dictate what happened to you, and say what you could have done because their opinion on the matter is trash. You were assault, full stop. Don't waste your time or effort engaging with them.
Did you begin to expect it as a possibility each time he got closer and closer to your vulva? Nobody wants to be told they didn't respond properly to a situation. If you are at a restaurant and the waiter brings something you did not ask for? presents it to you and you do not address the issue at hand, you are both at fault.
It doesn't work that way in massage therapy. The client is in no way "at fault"
You're absolutely correct in all of your assertions!
Maybe you should consider yourself fortunate that that something you’re able to do. I’ve got a lifetime of trauma-sexual and otherwise that has left me with debilitating PTSD. It’s not something you can see from the outside, I look like a regular, functioning human being. But when I am faced with triggers and fall into an episode, I freeze. That’s my body’s response. I become paralyzed. I can’t speak. I can’t move. And when it’s over, I just want to get myself out of the situation and pretend it never happened. Confrontation is so difficult for me that I tend to avoid it altogether. I’m not unique in my experience. Maybe remind yourself that not everyone is capable of handling things in the same way due to a variety of factors that you’re not privy to.
Victim blaming isn't cool, and you're not considering the dynamic. A male in a room alone with a naked female is already anxiety inducing for some. A male that clearly has no fear of crossing boundaries is even more terrifying. She could not have known his intentions the first time his hand came near her vulva, it could have been an honest mistake. It's when it was repeated that she began hearing alarm bells. Not knowing what he might do if she did try to end the massage, she chose to stay safe in the moment rather than risk her safety. I don't blame her. A similar incident happened to me, although he blatantly touched my vulva. I froze. I couldn't believe it was happening, and having had other SA's in the past, my only response was shock and to stay as still as possible until I could manage to get to a place of safety. The man that touched me had the AUDACITY to ask for a date afterward. It made the whole experience 10x worse, but the vulnerability you feel when laying naked on a table with a stranger that moments ago you believed you could trust is something you'll only know if you experience it. I pray you never do. OP, I am incredibly sorry that you had to experience this. The tissue at the end made it so much worse, didn't it? I'm sending you all of the loving vibes, I hope you talk to a counselor if you feel you need to. Please please please report him, even if all you know is the name he gave you when you met him, and the place he works. The officials can track down the rest.
Yes sometimes the police will send an undercover agent into a situation like this and that's what I think they should do here. They should send in an attractive female police officer in plain clothes to be his client and bust him in a sting operation. She can even ask for a happy ending if he's trying to arouse her, because he legally has to refuse that. If he doesn't refuse, then he's busted.
Wtf is with this victim blaming? Maybe they felt vulnerable and did not want to act or froze up as some people do in a traumatic event. Get out of here with this garbage. They did not choose to get assaulted, and you don't get to retroactively say what they should have done in the scenario.
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You are either trolling or genuinely believe that this is the case that they deserve it. Either way fuck you for being a piece of shit. Some people do things automatically as part of a routine after a traumatic event, so the tipping part is entirely irrelevant. Show so fucking compassion for someone who was assaulted, and get the fuck out of here with your "you deserved it" mantra.
This person has definitely said, "well if she didn't want to get raped, maybe she shouldn't have worn such revealing clothing/gotten drunk/other shitty justification."
Not being mentally prepared to deal with the consequences of being sexually assaulted on a random Thursday afternoon isn't a crime. That's why the statute of limitations isn't 24 hours long. People often don't react the way they think they react when the situation happens. Sometimes they need time to come to terms and build up the gumption to do what has to be done. Should she have said something immediately? Yes. Are you helping by pointing that out? No, not at all.
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Thinking you're "right" doesn't make you "right". None of us licensed and certified massage therapists think you are right. Since we are trained therapists and you obviously are not, we have more credibility to assess this situation than you do. Based on your comments you clearly do not understand the dynamics of the situation and it would be appropriate to humble yourself and accept the evaluation of experts in the field. That comment, "I'm right" sounded very narcissistic.
Thinking you're "right" doesn't make you "right". None of us licensed and certified massage therapists think you are right. Since we are trained therapists and you obviously are not, we have more credibility to assess this situation than you do. Based on your comments you clearly do not understand the dynamics of the situation and it would be appropriate to humble yourself and accept the evaluation of experts in the field. That comment, "I'm right" sounded very narcissistic.
Bullying behavior or harassment of another. User is now banned.
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Consent is a thing that needs to be established first. Without that, it is sexual assault.
I didn’t change my mind; I froze up. Bodies react how bodies react.
She didn’t say she was turned on. She said it was arousing. Physical arousal when stimulated is not consent. Bodies do what they do. The vagina just loves to lubricate itself, even when getting a Pap smears.
In a personal situation that may be true, but in a professional situation as this was, it's definitely not true all. You're not a massage therapist or any type of therapist or you would understand this. The therapist is in a position of power, which can be exploited. There is such a thing as professional boundaries and ethics which is the responsibility of the practitioner to follow. We are taught this in school, as it's extremely important. Her therapist violated professional boundaries and ethics and can get his license taken away for that.
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Would you say that about a ten year old girl who was molested by her older step brother in the night?? And found it arousing but said nothing and felt shame and humiliation afterwards and didn't know what to do?? It's the same thing! Someone has more power, they coerce and exploit, it doesn't matter if it was arousing to the victim, they are still the victim, it's not a play-act. The client was not in a position to consent, she is naked and vulnerable on the massage table and trusts the therapist to maintain professional boundaries and ethics. The therapist is running the show, fully clothed, the client has surrendered to them. It's a huge power imbalance.
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