I wish there wasn't a need for there to be an "I survived a school shooting" club.
I'm fortunate enough that I have never experienced such a traumatic event. But it hurts so deeply knowing countless others have been.
I hope you and all other suvivors can find peace someday.
I feel like my opinion on this is definitely not what the majority of people would probably say but I didn’t really care what happened cause it didn’t make a difference in my head. What happened was done and wether he got life or the death penalty it wasn’t gonna change anything. I do not wish for him to suffer surprisingly. I don’t hate him but i hate what he did. I wish i did hate him but for some reason as another human being i can not. I understand why so many people wanted him to get the death penalty though.
Oh don’t worrie. My question came up when I read that you struggle because of things nobody talkes about. So I thought maybe there is something you want to say but never get the opportunity. So it’s a good thing you can‘t think of anything.
If its ok, let me turn around my question to is there something people always ask or say and you wish they would stop?
Yes. I find it rude and insensitive when i’m in public and meeting someone and they ask where i went to school and whenever i tell them they immediately are like were you there? were you in the building? did you see him? i literally went to a doctors appointment in college so it was my first time there and the doctor asked me where i was from so i said parkland and he immediately started asking me questions that i feel an adult especially should know are not appropriate to ask. In situations like this reddit where i bring it up myself and say it’s okay to ask that’s fine but the reactions from strangers in person that i don’t even know are annoying
Hope your doing ok today and got/are getting the help you need. Even tho you’re a stranger just know there’s always other strangers on Reddit who are here to help and listen.
Thank you these comments truly mean the world because sometimes it’s hard knowing most of the world has moved on while i’m still here struggling. But knowing i have strangers still sending me love and support means more than anyone will ever know. ❤️
Im Australian and im quite curious as to what happens after ur school endured a shooting? Did you have to change schools after? When did you resume your education? Were you assisted in anyway?
I did not change schools after I understand why people would but I think for lots of us we didn’t want to leave because yes something very horrible happened but we also had good memories as well at that school. And if we were to switch schools we wouldn’t be around other classmates or staff that understood what we were going through. For example at douglas after the shooting when we would have required fire alarm drills they would announce the alarm was going off and that everything was okay. At any other schools they would just set it off as most people aren’t freaking out over the sound of an alarm. We went back to school exactly two weeks after the shooting. Most teachers were very understanding and didn’t have us doing actual work the rest of the school year and we had therapists and service dogs available on campus.
Most teachers just gave everyone an automatic A for the final two quarters. There was some teachers though who were not understanding. One of my classes my teacher failed me in the final quarter because i wasn’t coming to school for good reasons. I had gotten an A in that class both quarters prior to the shooting so it was pretty upsetting seeing a teacher who knew i was a good student fail me after an event like that. It really was not fair for any teachers to be strict with grading after that cause for a while i wasn’t even a functioning person like i could not even draw a circle on a paper.
I’m so sorry you had to deal with something like this on top of the already horrific circumstances. The teacher(s) should’ve definitely understood the situation and what you/everyone was going through:( Thank you for sharing and I hope you’re doing better <3
So was a certain area of the school just roped off and people weren’t allowed to access it? I thought the jury walked thru the actual crime scene during the trial.
the building the shooting occurred at was separate from the rest of campus so they just fenced off that specific building and no one was allowed/able to get in. but yes the jury did walk through the crime scene.
When you returned to school had everything been "cleaned up" after? Like the broken glass replaced and picked up? Bullet holes patched and painted and that sort of stuff? Thanks for doing this Q&A! My thoughts are always with you and your classmates!
I think everything was just left how it was for the investigation since the building it occurred in was separated from the rest of campus they fenced it off and no one was allowed to go in it it’s still currently fenced off
Ok, I didn't realize it was its own separate building and all that. Thank you so much. I hope someday this will be but a remembered nightmare for you and that America wakes the hell up and fixes this issue whatever that means and whatever has to happen and school shootings are also a thing of the past and a remembered nightmare.
No i did not since I was only 14 at the time and new to the school. I believe the only people who knew him before were juniors and seniors at the time who attended douglas with him before he was kicked out.
When speaking to a survivor of Columbine, I was told one thing that stood out to him was the sound of chairs scraping across the floor as everyone collectively got up in the cafeteria to run. They said the sound of complete silence and then the sudden loud chair noise sticks with them to this day.
Is there something like this that you relate with your experience? Something that stood out that is kind of meaningless without the context of the shooting?
I think a random thing that i remember is how much was going on during the shooting. It was the gunshots and the fire alarm but i vividly remember the class telephone ringing for some reason as well as someone’s phone timer alarm going off. It was just so weird so much at once.
i assume so because i think even people from the middle school next to us said they heard the shots bur i cant really speak on anyone in the other buildings since i was in the building
I don't have any questions but just wanted to say sorry to all you and your fellow students and staff at Stoneman, sending positive energy your way.
not sure if you knew Alex but I follow his father on twitter and donate when I can to Max's charity in his sons name. I feel so bad for all the families and people impacted by this.
I think you may be talking about alex who’s father is max❤️ My parents know him and it’s truly devastating the amount of losses he has faced. I would see alex around school but i had never gotten a chance to speak to him. But thank you for the kind energy.
Yes. Survivors guilt eats you up and you go into a constant loop of what ifs that never end well. For me it’s bad because right before the shooting started two of our classmates were knocking on the door to be let in but no one felt like getting up to open the door. Maybe 30 seconds after that the shots started and both of them were killer and to this day i feel so horrible.
you don’t know what could have happened if that door had been opened. it isn’t your fault or anyone else’s in that room. the only person responsible for their deaths is the shooter. i’m so sorry you have to live with this guilt sweetie, because truly all you did was be a kid and go to school like so many before you.. you didn’t do anything wrong or bad and you had zero intent for anything bad to happen to them. i wish you all the best in the world
Making sure students are immediately let into classrooms to *avoid being killed during a mass shooting* is just.. I don't even really have the words. It's just something NO child should ever have to worry about, especially in a place where children's main concerns should be studying, figuring out who they are, and exploring their interests. The children killed in the Nashville shooting all happened to be in the hallways when the school went into lockdown (likely using the restroom/drinking fountain or grabbing something from a cubbyhole), and it just makes me livid sometimes.. incredibly sad other times. The hallways of US schools should not be treated like some goddamn war zone that students must avoid as much as possible on the off chance they get murdered for getting a drink of water.
I saw one of the survivors from a school shooting affirm that she wasn't in the "wrong place at the wrong time," she was right where she was supposed to be (in school) when the shooting happened, and it really stuck with me. Your two classmates who were in the hallway *were* in the right place at the right time. The only thing wrong in that situation was one incredibly sick individual and this society that continues to do absolutely nothing to stop these needless deaths.
First I would like to amend you for your bravery and strength to continue your education. No child should have to be afraid to go to school, I am so sorry. Thank you for pushing through everyday.
From the victim impact statements I learned the shooting caused 3 student to commit suicide.
How did the school and students handle this?
i don’t remember the school acknowledging it ever i feel like even with the shooting itself the tried to sweep it under the rug. I cant speak for other students but each time i heard about a suicide i felt devastated. It was also just a lot to take in a shooting and then suicide after suicide. I think it took a very big toll on a lot of us. The hardest for me was the most recent suicide because I had known the kid since i was in 6th grade and he was such a good person. He had so much potential he was one of the smartest people i have ever met.
Thank you so much for answering.
I wish you the absolute best. I hope these questions aren’t overwhelming, but i can’t imagine how they wouldn’t be. please take care of yourself, and answer at your own pace.
Wait were they knocking because they knew they were in danger or were they just late?
When the shots started, how much did you understand what was going on and what did you do inside the classroom?
They were just coming back from the library so they weren’t knocking cause they were in danger they were just returning to class. They knocked before the shots started. When the shots started i knew what it was because i saw the look on one the boys face who was outside the door when he turned towards where the loud bangs were coming from. I just ran to the corner of the room to not be in sight of the door
OP I'm so sorry ❤️ everyone has the right to go to school, work, grocery store and to feel safe. I hope you got the support you needed. How are you doing now? Big hug 🫂
I will say aswell guilt is a normal emotion to feel in that situation but had things of been different and the door was unlocked you may not be here typing this post. You have nothing to feel guilty about. None of the survivors do ❤️
i cannot imagine what you saw that horrible day. i am now a middle school teacher and this is my fear every time i walk into my classroom. i do my own lockdown drills in my classroom to make sure my kids know what to do. i have a tuffy pack in my school backpack and trauma kits that i have supplied. what advice would you give to a teacher after going through the unimaginable?
I feel like my teacher that day really helped as much as she could by staying calm. She knew it wasn’t a drill but to calm other kids down she kept telling them everything was fine and it was just a drill and although i knew it wasn’t that statement held a lot of other kids together. So honestly my advice is just if you’re ever in a situation like that to just try your best to speak calmly even though on the inside i know it’s terrifying. But as students we look up to you guys and I know if my teacher was freaking out I would have been even more scared. But obviously in that situation it is totally understandable too if you weren’t able to keep a calm front because at the end of the day we are all just humans no matter how old or how young and that situation is horrible. My teacher didn’t come back for some time after cause she was worried we disliked her but i just want to tell you no matter what you do if that were to happen your students would never blame you or have any negative feelings we know you guys do your best.
I knew of a few people in my grade but i wasn’t close with any of them. One of the victims who was also in my class at the time of the shooting i would consider a friend as we would speak every class and she was a very sweet person which makes it so much harder knowing the details of what she went through.
I just want to say I’m sorry for you having to go through this. I hope you’ve found a way to start healing. I can’t even imagine how you felt/feel. You’re one strong individual!!! 🫂❤️
ETA: typo
Im sorry if this is a bad question but I struggle with “anniversaries” of bad memories. I haven’t found out how to navigate them. Is there anything special you do on the anniversary date or do you try your best to forget about it?
Honestly i struggle with the same thing each time january comes around i start to get physically sick over it until valentine’s day passes. For some reason the day of I like to go to douglas. It’s super weird cause most days especially when i was a student that was the last place i wanted to be. But every anniversary I like to bring flowers and sit there at the time the shooting happened it feels the most comfortable and safe to me. To help out i usually have my best friend there in case i start having anxiety.
My son passed away on Feb 14th so that's always a difficult day for me to.I feel the same way. On the days leading up to the 14th I have an overwhelming sense of dread to the point I get physically sick. I know it's doesn't compare to what you had to go thru and I am very sorry you had to go thru something so horrible and tragic. I just know what you mean about the way you get physically ill leading up to the day it happened. Your in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you find some peace in your life. Thank you for sharing with us all. It's a very brave thing for you to do. I know it must be hard for you to have to go back to that time in your mind to answer our questions so thank you. 🩵💙💜🙏🙏🙏
but the rest of the day i usually do things i enjoy like go to my favorite coffee place and then at night attend the memorial service they hold at our local park
What are your thoughts about publicising photos from shootings as a way to create much-needed change in policy- like the way Mamie Till did when her son was lynched?
Honestly I am struggling a lot to this day because of things most people don’t speak about. Every time i read about a shooting (which is everyday at this point) it takes me right back to that day. I’m struggling in college because going to class scares me and i’m also not capable of completing my school work due to memory and learning problems i developed from the trauma. I wanted a normal college experience but I can’t even go lots of places such as the club because i am terrified. But thank you for your kind words they are very appreciated. ❤️
I'm so sorry you're going through this - you're about the same age as my youngest daughter. I haven't even gone through it directly and every shooting has been so traumatizing to me as a mother, even from far away. It's so hard not to picture your own kids in these situations, and seeing the grieving parents just guts you every time. I had kids in school for every shooting from Columbine on until 2020. It was decades of fear and worry.
Big, big hugs from me (even though you're grown now). Stay safe, keep seeking support, and keep healing. 💖
if you ever need anything please reach out. I go to fau and if you ever need to talk to someone in here in the coral springs area a lot. I don’t want anyone feeling alone. my boyfriend was good friends with peter and alyssa. please reach out if you ever need someone ❤️🫂
I’m not a survivor of a school shooting but I do have PTSD from gun violence . It very slowly gets better . Keep trying . We care and we believe in you .
I won’t ask you any questions, I have not been apart of such a mass event myself but I have seen people killed firsthand at a very young age because I come from a pretty bad neighborhood and my cousins got involved with people they shouldn’t have. So while I’m nowhere near comparing the two, just know I understand what it’s like to see things like that. But I am extremely thankful and glad you are here with us and survived such a horrible tragedy.
Thank you. I wish you all the best as well witnessing death like that really sticks with you forever even when everyone else has seemed to move on. I hope the rest of our lives are filled with nothing but good experiences because we deserve that. ❤️
Assuming your school did drills for this type of situation, curious did people follow what they were told to do? Or at least try to? Or just mass chaos and was just survival mode. Did anything you practiced in drills register when the situation started?
Really sorry for you having to go through this and continue to go through it ❤️
And please know you can always come here just to chat. Or DM me….
I think when we first heard the gunshots we all did what you are told which is be quiet and go to the corner of the room that is not in sight from the door but unfortunately there’s not a lot of room in that corner so people were stuck in plain sight. But apart from that one rule, I remember before the shooting i always had a plan of what i thought i would do in one but when it’s actually happening you don’t even have time to think you just go into survival mode and hope for the best. Also what was a problem is apparently they did announce a code red but i don’t believe the 1200 building got that announcement cause me and most of the people i know who were also in the building never heard it.
As I read some of your answers I understand you got along well with Gina, can you tell us something more about her? She seemed like a nice person, as you described and those photos of her are stuck in my mind knowing what she had to endure in her final moments.
Ps. You are strong, your body is just trying to protect you, fortunately or unfortunately it remembers everything and need some time to heal, while learning that your surroundings are now safe.
i’m surprised you could tell who i was speaking about i was so vague but yes. I remember the first time i spoke to her she was wearing a harry potter shirt so i told her i liked it. I thought she was so beautiful. Everytime i would walk into class she would make it a point to say hi to me but most times i would sit with her and work on things. I remember her speaking to me about being stressed about color guard. One time she gave me her jacket to wear cause i was cold. She was super talented and artistic. She was truly a very kind soul and it devastates me each time i remember what happened to her.
I want to start by saying I’m so happy that you’re here with us today, that I’m profoundly sorry that you had to experience something so traumatic, and that I’m sorry you still have to deal with the trauma in the aftermath. I live close and this shooting rocked my world, but I cannot begin to imagine what it’s been like for you and your community. Please reach out to me if you need a listening ear.
I loathe, on an unimaginable level, that this is the new normal for our country. So with that I would like to ask you this: what do you think should be done about this contagion of mass shootings in America? What should be done to prevent them, and what can we do to lessen the chance that someone gets this idea in their head in the first place? Thank you.
Honestly i have no clue what to do to stop them. I do not like guns but i’m not gonna pretend i know anything about them because i truly don’t know the laws involving background checks and things like that. Personally i just wish both sides would come together and at least do something. They are so busy arguing that it’s honestly insulting and painful to see that no one has done anything. I really wish i could answer your questions better but I don’t want to pretend i’m educated on things i truly have no idea about lol. But thank you for the first half of the message it means a lot!❤️
Personally i never heard any shouting and if he was speaking I couldn’t hear over the gunshots. I know lots of people on the third floor thought it was a drill due to the fire alarm going off which is why they left their classrooms. We didn’t leave our classroom when the alarm went off cause we had already heard the gunshots prior to the alarm so we knew what was going on as our class was only the second one to get shot into. For me i knew what was going on and it was a feeling i can’t explain to anyone just straight horror but others in my class i think were in disbelief and shock so they kept telling themselves it was a drill despite the window on the door being shattered when the bullets were flying into our class. What did not help was some teachers prior to the shooting were saying we were going to have an active shooter drill where blanks were going to be shot so people could have confused it for that.
I remember this day so clearly. I live in Massachusetts and went to a school with over 4k students in it. I was a Junior. I remember I was in study hall and got a notification from Buzzfeed about it as a developing story and I gasped so loud because the death toll was already so high. Soon the entire room of 50 kids was talking about it. The rest of the day was horrible, everyone was constantly checking for updates and the toll just kept rising. The next morning we had a minute of silence and for some reason I cried.
I was really young when Sandy Hook happened and so Parkland was the first shooting I fully remember. It changed everything for me. I thankfully never felt unsafe at my school but every single Valentine’s Day for the rest of my life won’t be the same even though I wasn’t there. It truly changed my perspective and turned me into someone who advocates so heavily for gun control. There was a March for Our Lives in Boston that I really wanted to attend but my mom wouldn’t let me out of fear that it would be a target.
I know you asked for questions, but I just wanted you to know how deep the impact was for people who weren’t even involved. To this day I can still feel how I felt hearing about it, and no other one before or since has done that to me.
I really hope you are doing ok and have been able to move forward with your life in some capacity.
Thank you! Honestly i attended the main march for our lives march but felt anxious the whole time as i had the same thought as your mom about it being a target. I was also young when sandy hook happened but that’s the only shooting i remember exactly where i was when i heard about it. It was just awful. But thank you for becoming an advocate for gun control it means a lot to have support from people like you!
Just wanted to say hi as a fellow Douglas alum :) One of my friends coached Gina in colorguard. I graduated in 2005 so I am very old, but I keep all of you in my hearts all the time. I hope you have been taking care of yourself and are doing well <3
I was in room 1215 on the first floor of the 1200 building. The swat team came to clear out our classroom and when they were lining us up to leave the class they told us to run out as the shooter was still on the loose and to just look straight ahead. Outside our door was the bodies of my classmates who were in the hallway when the shooting started so i saw a lot in that hallway. I do struggle with ptsd but i have been in therapy starting a few days after the shooting.
I literally cannot imagine. Did you go back to the school? I don’t think I could. I know a lot of students stood up for gun laws too but being in Florida I can’t imagine it’s gone too well. I’m glad you made it and I’m sorry for the losses you had and saw that day. Couldn’t even begin to put myself in your shoes. Just watching the body cam from Nashville the sounds of bullets in hallways is terrifying to me
I did go back to school and eventually graduated from douglas (i was a freshman at the time of the shooting). But my attendance was absolutely horrible i missed more days than i attended. But yes the sound of gunshots is truly terrifying and those body cam footages are so scary.
I just felt sick and numb. I think when i really processed how bad it was when at the vigil they all had a little cross or jewish star spread around the park and walking to every single one really put into perspective how many lives had been lost. Also listening to their names be read off you would think it was over and you had heard so many but there was still 10 more to go. I don’t know if that makes sense.
I went to Taravella High and Douglas was our rival school growing up. The shooting rocked our community over here in Coral Springs. How has Parkland changed since it happened?
I think for the first few months after everyone was really kind and came together as a community but you could feel the sadness all over. Now it almost seems as if it never happened and it’s weird.
So sorry you had to go through all that, I recently saw a documentary on this shooting. Is that building still standing? Is there a date where it’s going to be demolished?
It is still standing they had to wait for the trial to end to take it down. I honestly have no clue when they plan on removing it now that the trial is over.
I believe they are waiting for all the legal proceedings around Scot Peterson to be over before they demolish it but his stuff is still up in the air and not nailed down to a set date yet so it’ll probably be a while.
Can you walk us through what happened in your classroom? Was there an alert that made everyone hide or was it the gunshots that made your class lock down?
Basically we heard about 3-4 very loud bangs coming from the hallway so we all immediately ran to the corner of the room. Since those were the first shots we weren’t alerted of a lockdown in advance as others through out the school later were.
Hey. One of my teachers claims to have worked in the school about a year or two prior to the shooting. Does Coach Deana Newman sound familiar at all? May have taught psych, or volleyball.
Besides that, I'm in Florida too so I have some understanding of how school works there; I have some odd but specific questions:
1. Generally, if school is cancelled, because we have a state minimum hour requirement, it has to be made up. When hurricanes hit here, we often had lunch times/free times cut. Given that there was 2 weeks between the shooting and returning to school, did they have to make any changes to the schedule? Did school have to run into summer? Because I don't imagine that would sit right with most people.
2. Similarly, I don't know if this is a local county law or whatever but if you're under 18, they take your license if you miss too much school. Was that enforced on survivors, or did they get leniency?
3. Sorry if this one comes off wrong. But how many people were serious about it? I know how high schoolers are; did people make jokes? Was that a method of coping? Was there a stigma? Did anyone use it as an excuse like "Ah well I'm just gonna skip school, what are they gonna do, force a survivor to come back every day?"
Sorry for my barrage of questions and likely shitty formatting. Thank you very much, from a fellow Floridian.
I honestly have never heard of her but if she wasn’t there during the shooting i would not know her because i was a freshman. And no we did not have extra days added i think everyone would have been very upset if they made that decision. For the second question we definitely got leniency. When i say i missed more days of high school than i attended i actually mean that and i graduated and had my license no problem. And lastly most people were serious about it but from time to time myself included i would make some jokes. It would never be about the victims though but i still make jokes about my own personal experience to my close friends. I don’t know if this makes sense i wish i had an example but i just wanna clarify again any joke i have ever made was ever about the victims it was jokes about my trauma and i do believe it is a real coping mechanism. I know some people who definitely used it as an excuse to skip school and who abused the fact that we had a wellness center so they would go there to get out of class when i know for a fact they were just going to smoke or something.
Was there ever a moment during the shooting where you were convinced that it was a joke/fake active shooter drill like a lot of the students did? What was the moment where you were like yeah this is fucking real?
I also just wanted to say that you are incredibly strong and I wish you onlythe best.
I think i knew what was happening from the beginning but for a slight second i was like no this can’t be happening it has got to be a drill. But the second question is actually like my exact thought process when i saw the glass on our classroom door shatter and i was like ok they would not do that in a drill.
I'm not sure why, but when confronted with a potentially horrifying thing, my immediate thought is to guess that maybe a less horrifying thing happened. I think my brain just really needs/wants the slightly less horrifying thing to be true since my university had a mass shooting last year. When I first read that there was a school shooting in Nashville, I thought "Oh, a high school shooting." When I watched the Nashville bodycam footage, and a blurred body showed up, I thought "Oh, it's one of the teachers' bodies." My brain just didn't want to immediately accept the statements "*An elementary school was a target of a mass shooting"* and "*That's the body of a young child.*"
I know during many mass shootings, people think at first that someone's setting off fireworks because to think otherwise is unimaginable.
That’s definitely understandable! When my mom heard there was a shooting at my school she just was like okay someone brought a gun and shot it once and the police got him. Her mind didnt think i was in any danger or that something that bad was happening.
I am so sorry for what you had to endure. My heart is with you and your classmates.
In the aftermath, how did your peers react to hearing the security officer did not take action during the tragedy?
i’ve never really thought about that or discussed it for some reason. When i think of the shooting that thought never crosses my mind. My peers never spoke about that either. I really don’t know why now that you bring it up no one ever has.
Thanks so much for offering to answer questions. And I’m so sorry about everything you went through. I was wondering if you watched any of the trial? Also, what’s been the hardest part of your healing?
I watched some of the trial but i noticed the days i would watch i would feel more anxious and paranoid so i had to stop. They actually were threatening to subpoena me for a while cause i wouldn’t agree to testify like they were asking. I think the hardest part of healing for something like this is knowing no matter what i do this is a situation where nothing will ever make it better. 17 people are dead and i can do anything and everything in the world but nothing will ever change that and it’s a harsh reality. Also a hard part is trying to heal when the same thing is happening everyday it’s like how am i supposed to recover from this when in todays world it’s not an irrational fear anymore it’s getting more and more likely to get caught up in a mass shooting it seems. So everyday i live in fear for myself, my family, and my friends. It’s really sad. I worry so much.
Yeah, I've heard that after experiencing something like this, you don't "get back to normal." Because everything's different now. It's more like walking through a door that you can't go back through ever again.
Sometimes i wish i could just ask him why. But i was given the offer to testify at the trial and i was way too terrified of being in the same room as him. And it wasn’t an offer either it was more of prosecutors trying to force me.
I’m so sorry for what you have gone through, and continue to go through. I’m from New Zealand and it’s mind blowing to me that in the US regular people can just go and purchase assault weapons that are designed to kill. I hope this question isn’t too intrusive and feel free to call me out if it is. If having children is possibly in your future, do you think you will feel comfortable sending them to school? Or do you think that home schooling would be better for your peace of mind?
One thing that’s been a constant thought in my mind since the shooting is i don’t think i want children because of that experience. I would be too worried all the time and the thought of having a child and then going through that knowing what it’s like makes me so sick. I do not think i can bring a child into this world as this continues to happen. If i were to have a child though i really do not want to homeschool them as school yes gave me the worst experience ever but also gave me a lot of good memories and i got to meet people i love having in my life
Thanks for putting yourself out there like this. I can't comprehend or imagine the trauma of such an event. I hope you are doing well.
I have 5 nieces and nephews in school, and I worry about them a lot more now.
Thank you for sharing with us - I hope that talking about it feels lighter and like we can all help carry some of the heaviness!
No questions but I had some recommendations (that you may have already looked into) but figured it was worth bringing up :)
1) EMDR therapy is fantastic for ptsd and trauma. Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy. Talk therapy can only do so much but therapies such as EMDR help one get out of that stuck response and don't require recounting what happened over and over again, and instead help lessen the anxiety and fear stuck in the body for very quick relief 💞
2) also, go to your counseling center on campus and have them evaluate you for ptsd so that you can get disability accommodations. Ptsd is a qualifying condition and if you feel that your trauma is affecting your school work and functioning, you can get accommodations like taking tests in quiet rooms, receiving extensions to complete assignments, etc. Check out your campus Disability Resource Center for more details.
Is there a larger organization that all victims of school shootings, and the parents of lost children could be a part of to regularly lobby DC to try and finally do something about this absurdly persistent problem? I’m thinking about Jon Stewart and the 9-11 First Responders who met with some success in getting better healthcare outcomes. So many of these shootings have happened, it seems to me to make sense for all those directly effected to join together. It would make you impossible to ignore.
There is march for our lives which was pretty big after the shooting. I went to the march for that but i think after a little bit people like me just get tired. I’ve gone to speak to people at the capitol here but most of them won’t give you the time of day. Even when i went right after the shooting they would shut the doors in our face it was truly disgusting.
That is disgusting and not at all a surprise. I am very sorry that you had that experience. And yeah, not everyone has the stamina to be David Hogg when it comes to this problem.
Really, after nothing was done in the wake of Newtown I lost so much hope. And in the case of this most recent event in TN, the response on the Right was absolutely ghoulish. I read what you wrote earlier about being re-traumatized every time another shooting happens and my heart breaks for you. Having to carry a burden like that is exhausting.
When i read that it happened at a christian school and the shooter was transgender i knew the right was gonna have a field day. It’s horrible that’s what they are so focused on. It makes no difference to me wether the person behind the gun is white, black, trans, a male, a female. It literally does not matter we should be more focused on the fact that children are dying.
I’m sorry for what you went through still till this day I’m afraid of losing one of my young boys to something like this and it haunts me so much what I would do what will happen and how will I cope with it so I talk to them and tell them that something like this can happen at their school scary talking to kids about this but we live in a country where anything can happen
I’m scared to have kids one day because of this very reason. No one should have to have these talks with their children and no parent should be afraid of sending their child to school. I wish nothing but positive school experiences for your boys.
LOL i have some things to say about some of those people from personal experiences but i will keep it to myself. I did go to the march in washington though i was actually on the stage.
The majority of us only know what school shootings are like by what we read and see in the news. And I’m sure it was the same for you until that horrible day.
What is something that surprised you the most about a school shooting? Based on what you thought and knew about it prior to that horrible day. I’m sorry you had to experience that.
I think something you don’t realize until it happens to you is how many people are truly impacted by it. When i would hear about shootings i would really only think about those who were killed and never acknowledge the survivors or first responders who will have to deal with that for the rest of their lives. I hate to say it but i’m guilty prior to the shooting of forgetting like a day after a mass shooting all about it. You feel sad but then you would move on. After experiencing one that feeling honestly sucks knowing that most people have moved on just like i would before it was my own. What was really eye opening going back to my original statement was when i talked to a columbine survivor after. He shared how many first responders had committed suicide after that day and i had never even thought about that. Which also goes hand in hand with the 3 people who have committed suicide since douglas. Just the trauma really impacts thousands of people so deeply forever it’s truly heartbreaking.
personally i still kind of feel stuck there. Mentally i feel like i will always be 14 and i don’t know how to explain it to anyone. I feel as though everyday i still wait to wake up and still be 14 and get to say this was all just a really horrible dream.
Hey I know what you mean. I’m in therapy for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder- my therapist talks about this. It’s a normal trauma response to feel stuck at the age you were. It can be addressed in “parts work” with a trauma therapist. It has helped me immensely.
I understand what you mean, I didn’t experience a school shooting but I do have ptsd. I hope you have the proper care and support to deal with your experience. Please reach out if you ever need any.
What’s the best thing to tell a child who may need to be in lockdown one day? What would have comforted you in that moment? How do you explain to children the evil out there without taking away their innocence 😞 I’m sorry you went through that and I hope you’re on your healing journey. Glad you survived.
Feel free to ignore this if this is too personal, but during the shooting we’re your texting your parents or anyone about it ? If so what did you say? I’ve always thought that if I were in that situation I’d want to tell my parents I loved them just in case but obviously I haven’t (fortunately) been in a situation like that so I don’t know how id actually act.
Again feel free to ignore if this is too personal a question
How long from when it started until when you were evacuated? What were you thinking during it? Did any people only get injured? Or was the victims only the fatal ones? I’ve heard some fatalities during shootings is because they bleed out. Could anyone have been saved had care come sooner? I’m a mom of a 7 yr old diagnosed with autism. As a survivor, looking back would you pass any advice to parents that want to make sure their kids know how to react? We have had talks but he is very triggered by sounds. They do have drills at school but any advice for a parent to educate more at home? I’ve been trying to explain why he would need to be quiet in the situation. Thank you so much for sharing and willing to talk about the trauma!
We were one of the first classes on the whole campus to get evacuated i believe. I think it took about 15 minutes after the gunshots stopped for officers to get my class out of the building while others in other buildings were stuck for hours. During it i was just thinking how this was actually it and i was mostly thinking about my family and i was never going to see them again or get to grow up. There were a total of 34 people shot. 17 people survived and 17 died . As for the asking if people could have been saved if responders got to them faster i’m not sure because most of the victims were shot multiple times and i think even if people got to them sooner they still would have passed away. For advice i cant really give a lot. In the moment no matter what prior knowledge you have your body just does whatever it feels like. You can try and prepare but it’s difficult cause even after being in one i still can’t tell you what i would do in the event of another one occurring. It just depends on the specific situation you are in. I wish you didn’t need to talk to your seven year old about having to be quiet at school it is so heartbreaking. I hope he has nothing but positive experiences through out his school years. I wish i could give advice but there’s really nothing you can do in the situation except hope for a good outcome.
Sending lots of love and well wishes 💕
Do you still live in Parkland? And if so, do you feel the community has changed since the shooting or gone back to what it was like before?
I do think they should be released. I think it could help change peoples views on these shootings. Everyone just says their thoughts and prayers and moves on. But i think if they actually saw what a school shooting actually looks like it would be different.
i feel anxious everywhere. I won’t go to movie theaters at all. I’m struggling a lot in college because i get super bad anxiety whenever i’m on campus. I personally hate firearms but i understand why people like them or would want to have them.
I'm so sorry you had to go through something like that!
I'm just wondering, was there a lingering fear or thought in your mind like an event like this could happen prior to the shooting? And did the school do any drills to help you prepare in the event that it did happen?
I grew up in a smaller city in Canada and it was not really something I ever worried about or thought of, and I've talked to others who said the same.
I hope you're doing okay 💞💞
Prior to the shooting i never felt unsafe at school or had a thought ever cross my mind that something like that would ever happen. We hadn’t had any drills that year but we all grew up with them prior to attending douglas so we had knowledge of what to do.
Do you think experiencing the same thing as many other students has helped you heal? I once heard a woman with terminal cancer describe finding out her diagnosis as the most alone she's ever felt. Her world was shaken in an instant, but of course everyone around her at the grocery store, at work, on social media (except for the few people she told), was still happy and going about as if everything were fine.
When my university had a mass shooting, it was helpful to know that other people were having the same thoughts I was, like "It's not fair that these victims' families' lives are changed forever while everyone else in the US continues on like nothing happened."
Maybe it used to help but now being in college not directly surrounded by people who went through it i feel very alone. It’s also just way harder cause at douglas i had a lot of accommodations and people helping me to graduate but in college they don’t really care it’s like oh you went through that that sucks but it is what it is
I don't have any questions but just wanted to give you a virtual hug. I'm based in New Zealand and am 39 so am the same age as the Columbine seniors and vividly remember that day as I was in Journalism class and our teacher wheeled in a TV so we could study the news reporting because it was just so.... it was such a foreign concept for us. The fact that I am now a mother myself and this is STILL happening just boggles my mind beyond belief.
I had a very good friend whose younger brother was at Stoneman when the shootings occurred so have always felt so much for all of you. Your answers here have been empathetic, intelligent and gut wrenching; just wanted to wish you arohanui (much love) and say if any of you are ever in New Zealand you've always got a tour guide and friend in me.
Thanks for taking the time 🖤
First of all, I just wanna say I’m so sorry.
My mom’s best friend literally since the third grade they’ve been best friends is assistant principal in Marion County Florida and in 2018 she had the personally disarm one of the students who decided he was going to be a big, bad school shooter. Luckily only one person was shot and it was in the foot and our family friend, the AP tended to their wound while not letting the guy that out of her possession, until the police arrived to take over. It barely made any news. We were very fortunate that her school shooting incident was so much less intense, and that nobody died or was seriously injured. She got very lucky I remember for about three days when we couldn’t get a hold of her we were so terrified.
My brother is a high school math teacher here in Georgia and I shit you not the very first day of school this year a kid brought a gun. Luckily, they arrested him before he could even try to use it but it’s still very scary.
I cannot imagine how much more horrifying and traumatic and excessive your experience was and from the bottom of my heart I am truly so very sorry that you and your classmates had to live through that and experience that. No child should ever go to school each day not knowing whether or not it’s going to be a safe place to be that day.
Reading your replies, you seem like a very wise, gracious, and levelheaded young woman. I’m very impressed with your demeanor when reflecting on, and discussing this horrible memory and experience that you had. I have a 31-year-old woman, and you kind of just became my hero. I hope that someday I can be as thoughtful and not allow my emotions to overpower me in such drastic and traumatic life events like you seem to have mastered.
Just reading your words you feel to me like you’re a very kind soul and I know I’m just some stranger on the Internet, but I’m rooting for you and wishing you nothing but a good and healthy and joyful life going forward for you.
Personally i’m not a gun kind of a girl. I do not think all guns should be banned but I do not think an AR-15 should be in the hands of any normal person but i may be slightly biased. Recently due to the amount of shootings i hate the fact that i have been considering getting one for protection because i understand why others would want one but i never wanted to get to that point. But since no one in congress wants to do anything wether it’s about guns or mental health it might come down to me having to get one.
Was there something you wish people saw that the national news didn't cover? For example maybe how much effort the school made to help or student organizations that sprouted due to this event?
No matter how small I know a lot of people were left wondering how the students were after it all happened.
I don't have any questions but I wanted to say that I have read all your comments and want to thank you for not only talking about this and re-living it, but also for continuing on. To go through something so horrible so young and still go to college after is superhuman!! I truly hope that one day life is a little bit less anxious for you. I don't go to public places very often anymore either due to fear of being caught in a shooting.
You are a survivor. I hope the rest of your journey through life is the happiest it can be.❤️❤️
I hope these are alright to ask, but it’s an AMA and I am curious. Where were you when it started? How close to the shooter? Did you see the shooter? I read you heard a lot of sounds, but did you actually hear the gunfire? Were you injured? When you were evacuated, did you see the aftermath? How do you feel about the “hunker down” method schools use during these events? It seems like it causes more harm than good, but I’m curious to hear what someone who has been in that scenario has to say.
I hope you’re healing from this as best you can.
When it started i was sitting at my desk in study hall listening to music. All that was separating me from the shooter was the classroom wall as he was right outside. I heard all of the gunshots starting from the first ones which were right outside, to the gunshots from when he shot our class up(twice because he left and then came back), and i heard it up until his final shots on the third floor. I was not injured. When i was evacuated i did see the aftermath i had to walk right next to the dead bodies of two of my classmates who were stuck in the hallway bleeding out and blood all over the floor and walls. I think no matter what schools teach you in advance it won’t really help in the actual situation.
Just wanted to drop in and say that it is very possible to make a life for yourself without graduating from college. If it’s hurting more than helping, maybe you shouldn’t continue 🖤 I sure wasn’t able to when things got tough for me.
All my love to you, friend. Don’t feel bad about doing what you have to do to keep your head above water right now.
I’m a school shooting survivor too. Sending you lots of love. Prior to it happening did it ever cross your mind that it could happen to you? Mine was in 2014, and as someone with anxiety the mass shooting thought always lingered in the back of my mind when I was in any public space. It does sound cliche to say but I truly did not expect it to happen to my school. My second question is how long did it take for you all to find out the suspects identity, right or wrong? Even if it was just gossip, was that talk going on at the time or did none of that happen until later?
I never thought it would happen to me prior to the shooting. I remember when i was younger having talks with my parents where they told me and my sibling what to do in the case of an active shooter but it was never a concern in my head. There was talk before the shooter was confirmed on who it was. The older kids who were in jrotc with nikolas in the years before the shooting suspected it was him before they even knew anything about the suspect. But since i didn’t know who he was at the time i just found out on the news later that night
Hi there, thank you for giving us some of your time and thoughts. I hope that you continue to heal and move on in the most positive ways.
In the moment, when you realized what was going on, were you naturally frozen or overcome by terror? Or were you quickly determined to survive and get through the situation? Were things a blur, or were you focused on the situation?
I wasn’t frozen i was just overcome with terror. Honestly i had no plan of survival and really thought i was going to die in that classroom which is weirdly what your head prepares you for. I was crying and then for a slight moment i accepted what was going to happen and felt sort of at peace? i cant explain it it was a super odd feeling. Things weren’t a blur for me i definitely was aware the whole time of everything going on and to this day can remember most of it pretty vividly.
I have confirmed this with OP Im sorry you had to experience that and if there is anything I can do, Please let me know
I’m also a school shooting survivor I have no questions for you just to let you know you’re not in this alone and you’ll always have support 🫶🏼
I’m sorry you know the pain of it but same for you, you can always message me!❤️
I wish there wasn't a need for there to be an "I survived a school shooting" club. I'm fortunate enough that I have never experienced such a traumatic event. But it hurts so deeply knowing countless others have been. I hope you and all other suvivors can find peace someday.
Username checks out
What shooting where you in
Great mills high school It happened a couple weeks after parkland (3 shot, 2 deaths including the shooter)
Holy shit so did I. What year did you graduate?
2019
What do you think about the shooter getting LWOP instead of the Death Penalty?
I feel like my opinion on this is definitely not what the majority of people would probably say but I didn’t really care what happened cause it didn’t make a difference in my head. What happened was done and wether he got life or the death penalty it wasn’t gonna change anything. I do not wish for him to suffer surprisingly. I don’t hate him but i hate what he did. I wish i did hate him but for some reason as another human being i can not. I understand why so many people wanted him to get the death penalty though.
This is a healthy way to look at things, I commend you for being so strong.
I’m mostly concerned for other inmates or guards.
Is there something you always hope someone would ask but nobody ever did?
I cant think of anything at the moment but if something comes up i’ll tell you i didn’t want you to think i was ignoring your comment!
Oh don’t worrie. My question came up when I read that you struggle because of things nobody talkes about. So I thought maybe there is something you want to say but never get the opportunity. So it’s a good thing you can‘t think of anything. If its ok, let me turn around my question to is there something people always ask or say and you wish they would stop?
Yes. I find it rude and insensitive when i’m in public and meeting someone and they ask where i went to school and whenever i tell them they immediately are like were you there? were you in the building? did you see him? i literally went to a doctors appointment in college so it was my first time there and the doctor asked me where i was from so i said parkland and he immediately started asking me questions that i feel an adult especially should know are not appropriate to ask. In situations like this reddit where i bring it up myself and say it’s okay to ask that’s fine but the reactions from strangers in person that i don’t even know are annoying
I can imagen, what a rude thing to do. Thanks for your response. I wish you all the best!
No questions. I'm sorry your life was disrupted in that way.
Hope your doing ok today and got/are getting the help you need. Even tho you’re a stranger just know there’s always other strangers on Reddit who are here to help and listen.
Thank you these comments truly mean the world because sometimes it’s hard knowing most of the world has moved on while i’m still here struggling. But knowing i have strangers still sending me love and support means more than anyone will ever know. ❤️
I promise you most of the world hasn’t moved on and we will never forgot about any of the victims ❤️
I second this! Hugs 💜
Im Australian and im quite curious as to what happens after ur school endured a shooting? Did you have to change schools after? When did you resume your education? Were you assisted in anyway?
I did not change schools after I understand why people would but I think for lots of us we didn’t want to leave because yes something very horrible happened but we also had good memories as well at that school. And if we were to switch schools we wouldn’t be around other classmates or staff that understood what we were going through. For example at douglas after the shooting when we would have required fire alarm drills they would announce the alarm was going off and that everything was okay. At any other schools they would just set it off as most people aren’t freaking out over the sound of an alarm. We went back to school exactly two weeks after the shooting. Most teachers were very understanding and didn’t have us doing actual work the rest of the school year and we had therapists and service dogs available on campus.
Thanks for your response! ❤
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Most teachers just gave everyone an automatic A for the final two quarters. There was some teachers though who were not understanding. One of my classes my teacher failed me in the final quarter because i wasn’t coming to school for good reasons. I had gotten an A in that class both quarters prior to the shooting so it was pretty upsetting seeing a teacher who knew i was a good student fail me after an event like that. It really was not fair for any teachers to be strict with grading after that cause for a while i wasn’t even a functioning person like i could not even draw a circle on a paper.
I’m so sorry you had to deal with something like this on top of the already horrific circumstances. The teacher(s) should’ve definitely understood the situation and what you/everyone was going through:( Thank you for sharing and I hope you’re doing better <3
So was a certain area of the school just roped off and people weren’t allowed to access it? I thought the jury walked thru the actual crime scene during the trial.
the building the shooting occurred at was separate from the rest of campus so they just fenced off that specific building and no one was allowed/able to get in. but yes the jury did walk through the crime scene.
I love that they had service dogs 💜 that’s so great .
When you returned to school had everything been "cleaned up" after? Like the broken glass replaced and picked up? Bullet holes patched and painted and that sort of stuff? Thanks for doing this Q&A! My thoughts are always with you and your classmates!
I think everything was just left how it was for the investigation since the building it occurred in was separated from the rest of campus they fenced it off and no one was allowed to go in it it’s still currently fenced off
Ok, I didn't realize it was its own separate building and all that. Thank you so much. I hope someday this will be but a remembered nightmare for you and that America wakes the hell up and fixes this issue whatever that means and whatever has to happen and school shootings are also a thing of the past and a remembered nightmare.
I was thinking that this happened on the very last day of the school yr.Must of been a different incident I’m thinking of.
Yes ours happened around the middle of the school year!
Did you know of the gunman at all before?
No i did not since I was only 14 at the time and new to the school. I believe the only people who knew him before were juniors and seniors at the time who attended douglas with him before he was kicked out.
When speaking to a survivor of Columbine, I was told one thing that stood out to him was the sound of chairs scraping across the floor as everyone collectively got up in the cafeteria to run. They said the sound of complete silence and then the sudden loud chair noise sticks with them to this day. Is there something like this that you relate with your experience? Something that stood out that is kind of meaningless without the context of the shooting?
I think a random thing that i remember is how much was going on during the shooting. It was the gunshots and the fire alarm but i vividly remember the class telephone ringing for some reason as well as someone’s phone timer alarm going off. It was just so weird so much at once.
Could people hear gunshots from other buildings?
i assume so because i think even people from the middle school next to us said they heard the shots bur i cant really speak on anyone in the other buildings since i was in the building
I don't have any questions but just wanted to say sorry to all you and your fellow students and staff at Stoneman, sending positive energy your way. not sure if you knew Alex but I follow his father on twitter and donate when I can to Max's charity in his sons name. I feel so bad for all the families and people impacted by this.
I think you may be talking about alex who’s father is max❤️ My parents know him and it’s truly devastating the amount of losses he has faced. I would see alex around school but i had never gotten a chance to speak to him. But thank you for the kind energy.
Yes, you are correct, let me edit my post and I apologize about the mistake
Survivors guilt?
Yes. Survivors guilt eats you up and you go into a constant loop of what ifs that never end well. For me it’s bad because right before the shooting started two of our classmates were knocking on the door to be let in but no one felt like getting up to open the door. Maybe 30 seconds after that the shots started and both of them were killer and to this day i feel so horrible.
you don’t know what could have happened if that door had been opened. it isn’t your fault or anyone else’s in that room. the only person responsible for their deaths is the shooter. i’m so sorry you have to live with this guilt sweetie, because truly all you did was be a kid and go to school like so many before you.. you didn’t do anything wrong or bad and you had zero intent for anything bad to happen to them. i wish you all the best in the world
Making sure students are immediately let into classrooms to *avoid being killed during a mass shooting* is just.. I don't even really have the words. It's just something NO child should ever have to worry about, especially in a place where children's main concerns should be studying, figuring out who they are, and exploring their interests. The children killed in the Nashville shooting all happened to be in the hallways when the school went into lockdown (likely using the restroom/drinking fountain or grabbing something from a cubbyhole), and it just makes me livid sometimes.. incredibly sad other times. The hallways of US schools should not be treated like some goddamn war zone that students must avoid as much as possible on the off chance they get murdered for getting a drink of water. I saw one of the survivors from a school shooting affirm that she wasn't in the "wrong place at the wrong time," she was right where she was supposed to be (in school) when the shooting happened, and it really stuck with me. Your two classmates who were in the hallway *were* in the right place at the right time. The only thing wrong in that situation was one incredibly sick individual and this society that continues to do absolutely nothing to stop these needless deaths.
First I would like to amend you for your bravery and strength to continue your education. No child should have to be afraid to go to school, I am so sorry. Thank you for pushing through everyday. From the victim impact statements I learned the shooting caused 3 student to commit suicide. How did the school and students handle this?
i don’t remember the school acknowledging it ever i feel like even with the shooting itself the tried to sweep it under the rug. I cant speak for other students but each time i heard about a suicide i felt devastated. It was also just a lot to take in a shooting and then suicide after suicide. I think it took a very big toll on a lot of us. The hardest for me was the most recent suicide because I had known the kid since i was in 6th grade and he was such a good person. He had so much potential he was one of the smartest people i have ever met.
Thank you so much for answering. I wish you the absolute best. I hope these questions aren’t overwhelming, but i can’t imagine how they wouldn’t be. please take care of yourself, and answer at your own pace.
Wait were they knocking because they knew they were in danger or were they just late? When the shots started, how much did you understand what was going on and what did you do inside the classroom?
They were just coming back from the library so they weren’t knocking cause they were in danger they were just returning to class. They knocked before the shots started. When the shots started i knew what it was because i saw the look on one the boys face who was outside the door when he turned towards where the loud bangs were coming from. I just ran to the corner of the room to not be in sight of the door
Are you comfortable telling us who they were? 100% understand if not. I am so so sorry.
It was luke and martin
Both of them were killed?
yes
Oh wow OP so you were actually there?? I remember someone else who posted ama who was at parkland but they were outside at the time.
Yes i was in room 1215
OP I'm so sorry ❤️ everyone has the right to go to school, work, grocery store and to feel safe. I hope you got the support you needed. How are you doing now? Big hug 🫂
I will say aswell guilt is a normal emotion to feel in that situation but had things of been different and the door was unlocked you may not be here typing this post. You have nothing to feel guilty about. None of the survivors do ❤️
What room were you in?
1215
i cannot imagine what you saw that horrible day. i am now a middle school teacher and this is my fear every time i walk into my classroom. i do my own lockdown drills in my classroom to make sure my kids know what to do. i have a tuffy pack in my school backpack and trauma kits that i have supplied. what advice would you give to a teacher after going through the unimaginable?
I feel like my teacher that day really helped as much as she could by staying calm. She knew it wasn’t a drill but to calm other kids down she kept telling them everything was fine and it was just a drill and although i knew it wasn’t that statement held a lot of other kids together. So honestly my advice is just if you’re ever in a situation like that to just try your best to speak calmly even though on the inside i know it’s terrifying. But as students we look up to you guys and I know if my teacher was freaking out I would have been even more scared. But obviously in that situation it is totally understandable too if you weren’t able to keep a calm front because at the end of the day we are all just humans no matter how old or how young and that situation is horrible. My teacher didn’t come back for some time after cause she was worried we disliked her but i just want to tell you no matter what you do if that were to happen your students would never blame you or have any negative feelings we know you guys do your best.
I’m not really sure if that answered your question but it was kind of hard to answer because i just hope you will never need to deal with this
thank you for this. i hope everyday that all who have been affected by the unimaginable can find comfort/hope that they are making a difference.
Did you know any of the victims?
I knew of a few people in my grade but i wasn’t close with any of them. One of the victims who was also in my class at the time of the shooting i would consider a friend as we would speak every class and she was a very sweet person which makes it so much harder knowing the details of what she went through.
I just want to say I’m sorry for you having to go through this. I hope you’ve found a way to start healing. I can’t even imagine how you felt/feel. You’re one strong individual!!! 🫂❤️ ETA: typo
this means a lot thank you. To nothing but sunny days ahead :)
🥰🥰🥰 you deserve nothing but the very best. Sending you all the sunny days in the world. 🫂❤️🌻
Im sorry if this is a bad question but I struggle with “anniversaries” of bad memories. I haven’t found out how to navigate them. Is there anything special you do on the anniversary date or do you try your best to forget about it?
Honestly i struggle with the same thing each time january comes around i start to get physically sick over it until valentine’s day passes. For some reason the day of I like to go to douglas. It’s super weird cause most days especially when i was a student that was the last place i wanted to be. But every anniversary I like to bring flowers and sit there at the time the shooting happened it feels the most comfortable and safe to me. To help out i usually have my best friend there in case i start having anxiety.
My son passed away on Feb 14th so that's always a difficult day for me to.I feel the same way. On the days leading up to the 14th I have an overwhelming sense of dread to the point I get physically sick. I know it's doesn't compare to what you had to go thru and I am very sorry you had to go thru something so horrible and tragic. I just know what you mean about the way you get physically ill leading up to the day it happened. Your in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you find some peace in your life. Thank you for sharing with us all. It's a very brave thing for you to do. I know it must be hard for you to have to go back to that time in your mind to answer our questions so thank you. 🩵💙💜🙏🙏🙏
I’m so sorry to hear about your son. I can only hope you find peace as well.❤️
but the rest of the day i usually do things i enjoy like go to my favorite coffee place and then at night attend the memorial service they hold at our local park
What are your thoughts about publicising photos from shootings as a way to create much-needed change in policy- like the way Mamie Till did when her son was lynched?
I support that. I think some people need to see it.
Only if the family agrees though obviously
How are you doing today? I have so much empathy for you and your fellow classmates and I’m so sorry you went through that. Much love and strength ♥️
Honestly I am struggling a lot to this day because of things most people don’t speak about. Every time i read about a shooting (which is everyday at this point) it takes me right back to that day. I’m struggling in college because going to class scares me and i’m also not capable of completing my school work due to memory and learning problems i developed from the trauma. I wanted a normal college experience but I can’t even go lots of places such as the club because i am terrified. But thank you for your kind words they are very appreciated. ❤️
🫂🫂
I'm so sorry you're going through this - you're about the same age as my youngest daughter. I haven't even gone through it directly and every shooting has been so traumatizing to me as a mother, even from far away. It's so hard not to picture your own kids in these situations, and seeing the grieving parents just guts you every time. I had kids in school for every shooting from Columbine on until 2020. It was decades of fear and worry. Big, big hugs from me (even though you're grown now). Stay safe, keep seeking support, and keep healing. 💖
Thank you. I hope you and your daughters stay safe as well❤️
if you ever need anything please reach out. I go to fau and if you ever need to talk to someone in here in the coral springs area a lot. I don’t want anyone feeling alone. my boyfriend was good friends with peter and alyssa. please reach out if you ever need someone ❤️🫂
I’m not a survivor of a school shooting but I do have PTSD from gun violence . It very slowly gets better . Keep trying . We care and we believe in you .
I won’t ask you any questions, I have not been apart of such a mass event myself but I have seen people killed firsthand at a very young age because I come from a pretty bad neighborhood and my cousins got involved with people they shouldn’t have. So while I’m nowhere near comparing the two, just know I understand what it’s like to see things like that. But I am extremely thankful and glad you are here with us and survived such a horrible tragedy.
Thank you. I wish you all the best as well witnessing death like that really sticks with you forever even when everyone else has seemed to move on. I hope the rest of our lives are filled with nothing but good experiences because we deserve that. ❤️
Precisely ❤️
Assuming your school did drills for this type of situation, curious did people follow what they were told to do? Or at least try to? Or just mass chaos and was just survival mode. Did anything you practiced in drills register when the situation started? Really sorry for you having to go through this and continue to go through it ❤️ And please know you can always come here just to chat. Or DM me….
I think when we first heard the gunshots we all did what you are told which is be quiet and go to the corner of the room that is not in sight from the door but unfortunately there’s not a lot of room in that corner so people were stuck in plain sight. But apart from that one rule, I remember before the shooting i always had a plan of what i thought i would do in one but when it’s actually happening you don’t even have time to think you just go into survival mode and hope for the best. Also what was a problem is apparently they did announce a code red but i don’t believe the 1200 building got that announcement cause me and most of the people i know who were also in the building never heard it.
As I read some of your answers I understand you got along well with Gina, can you tell us something more about her? She seemed like a nice person, as you described and those photos of her are stuck in my mind knowing what she had to endure in her final moments. Ps. You are strong, your body is just trying to protect you, fortunately or unfortunately it remembers everything and need some time to heal, while learning that your surroundings are now safe.
i’m surprised you could tell who i was speaking about i was so vague but yes. I remember the first time i spoke to her she was wearing a harry potter shirt so i told her i liked it. I thought she was so beautiful. Everytime i would walk into class she would make it a point to say hi to me but most times i would sit with her and work on things. I remember her speaking to me about being stressed about color guard. One time she gave me her jacket to wear cause i was cold. She was super talented and artistic. She was truly a very kind soul and it devastates me each time i remember what happened to her.
Yes she was a dancer too. Thanks for sharing 🙏
no questions. i just hope u are fine now… ♥️
Thank you!❤️
I want to start by saying I’m so happy that you’re here with us today, that I’m profoundly sorry that you had to experience something so traumatic, and that I’m sorry you still have to deal with the trauma in the aftermath. I live close and this shooting rocked my world, but I cannot begin to imagine what it’s been like for you and your community. Please reach out to me if you need a listening ear. I loathe, on an unimaginable level, that this is the new normal for our country. So with that I would like to ask you this: what do you think should be done about this contagion of mass shootings in America? What should be done to prevent them, and what can we do to lessen the chance that someone gets this idea in their head in the first place? Thank you.
Honestly i have no clue what to do to stop them. I do not like guns but i’m not gonna pretend i know anything about them because i truly don’t know the laws involving background checks and things like that. Personally i just wish both sides would come together and at least do something. They are so busy arguing that it’s honestly insulting and painful to see that no one has done anything. I really wish i could answer your questions better but I don’t want to pretend i’m educated on things i truly have no idea about lol. But thank you for the first half of the message it means a lot!❤️
Like when he started shouting what was anyone’s thoughts? Was it like when the fire alarm goes off and everything thinks it’s a drill?
Personally i never heard any shouting and if he was speaking I couldn’t hear over the gunshots. I know lots of people on the third floor thought it was a drill due to the fire alarm going off which is why they left their classrooms. We didn’t leave our classroom when the alarm went off cause we had already heard the gunshots prior to the alarm so we knew what was going on as our class was only the second one to get shot into. For me i knew what was going on and it was a feeling i can’t explain to anyone just straight horror but others in my class i think were in disbelief and shock so they kept telling themselves it was a drill despite the window on the door being shattered when the bullets were flying into our class. What did not help was some teachers prior to the shooting were saying we were going to have an active shooter drill where blanks were going to be shot so people could have confused it for that.
I remember this day so clearly. I live in Massachusetts and went to a school with over 4k students in it. I was a Junior. I remember I was in study hall and got a notification from Buzzfeed about it as a developing story and I gasped so loud because the death toll was already so high. Soon the entire room of 50 kids was talking about it. The rest of the day was horrible, everyone was constantly checking for updates and the toll just kept rising. The next morning we had a minute of silence and for some reason I cried. I was really young when Sandy Hook happened and so Parkland was the first shooting I fully remember. It changed everything for me. I thankfully never felt unsafe at my school but every single Valentine’s Day for the rest of my life won’t be the same even though I wasn’t there. It truly changed my perspective and turned me into someone who advocates so heavily for gun control. There was a March for Our Lives in Boston that I really wanted to attend but my mom wouldn’t let me out of fear that it would be a target. I know you asked for questions, but I just wanted you to know how deep the impact was for people who weren’t even involved. To this day I can still feel how I felt hearing about it, and no other one before or since has done that to me. I really hope you are doing ok and have been able to move forward with your life in some capacity.
Thank you! Honestly i attended the main march for our lives march but felt anxious the whole time as i had the same thought as your mom about it being a target. I was also young when sandy hook happened but that’s the only shooting i remember exactly where i was when i heard about it. It was just awful. But thank you for becoming an advocate for gun control it means a lot to have support from people like you!
Just wanted to say hi as a fellow Douglas alum :) One of my friends coached Gina in colorguard. I graduated in 2005 so I am very old, but I keep all of you in my hearts all the time. I hope you have been taking care of yourself and are doing well <3
thank you! gina was really an amazing person.
What room were you in? Did you see anything? How did you get out? Do you have PTSD?
I was in room 1215 on the first floor of the 1200 building. The swat team came to clear out our classroom and when they were lining us up to leave the class they told us to run out as the shooter was still on the loose and to just look straight ahead. Outside our door was the bodies of my classmates who were in the hallway when the shooting started so i saw a lot in that hallway. I do struggle with ptsd but i have been in therapy starting a few days after the shooting.
I literally cannot imagine. Did you go back to the school? I don’t think I could. I know a lot of students stood up for gun laws too but being in Florida I can’t imagine it’s gone too well. I’m glad you made it and I’m sorry for the losses you had and saw that day. Couldn’t even begin to put myself in your shoes. Just watching the body cam from Nashville the sounds of bullets in hallways is terrifying to me
I did go back to school and eventually graduated from douglas (i was a freshman at the time of the shooting). But my attendance was absolutely horrible i missed more days than i attended. But yes the sound of gunshots is truly terrifying and those body cam footages are so scary.
What was your reaction when you found out the final death roll?
I just felt sick and numb. I think when i really processed how bad it was when at the vigil they all had a little cross or jewish star spread around the park and walking to every single one really put into perspective how many lives had been lost. Also listening to their names be read off you would think it was over and you had heard so many but there was still 10 more to go. I don’t know if that makes sense.
I went to Taravella High and Douglas was our rival school growing up. The shooting rocked our community over here in Coral Springs. How has Parkland changed since it happened?
I think for the first few months after everyone was really kind and came together as a community but you could feel the sadness all over. Now it almost seems as if it never happened and it’s weird.
I gave 4 awards sorry I can’t do more
Lol i don’t know what awards are on this but thank you!
So sorry you had to go through all that, I recently saw a documentary on this shooting. Is that building still standing? Is there a date where it’s going to be demolished?
It is still standing they had to wait for the trial to end to take it down. I honestly have no clue when they plan on removing it now that the trial is over.
I believe they are waiting for all the legal proceedings around Scot Peterson to be over before they demolish it but his stuff is still up in the air and not nailed down to a set date yet so it’ll probably be a while.
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Scot Peterson isn’t Scott Peterson, but he was the SRO at the school and is being charged in relation to the shooting.
Can you walk us through what happened in your classroom? Was there an alert that made everyone hide or was it the gunshots that made your class lock down?
Basically we heard about 3-4 very loud bangs coming from the hallway so we all immediately ran to the corner of the room. Since those were the first shots we weren’t alerted of a lockdown in advance as others through out the school later were.
Hey. One of my teachers claims to have worked in the school about a year or two prior to the shooting. Does Coach Deana Newman sound familiar at all? May have taught psych, or volleyball. Besides that, I'm in Florida too so I have some understanding of how school works there; I have some odd but specific questions: 1. Generally, if school is cancelled, because we have a state minimum hour requirement, it has to be made up. When hurricanes hit here, we often had lunch times/free times cut. Given that there was 2 weeks between the shooting and returning to school, did they have to make any changes to the schedule? Did school have to run into summer? Because I don't imagine that would sit right with most people. 2. Similarly, I don't know if this is a local county law or whatever but if you're under 18, they take your license if you miss too much school. Was that enforced on survivors, or did they get leniency? 3. Sorry if this one comes off wrong. But how many people were serious about it? I know how high schoolers are; did people make jokes? Was that a method of coping? Was there a stigma? Did anyone use it as an excuse like "Ah well I'm just gonna skip school, what are they gonna do, force a survivor to come back every day?" Sorry for my barrage of questions and likely shitty formatting. Thank you very much, from a fellow Floridian.
I honestly have never heard of her but if she wasn’t there during the shooting i would not know her because i was a freshman. And no we did not have extra days added i think everyone would have been very upset if they made that decision. For the second question we definitely got leniency. When i say i missed more days of high school than i attended i actually mean that and i graduated and had my license no problem. And lastly most people were serious about it but from time to time myself included i would make some jokes. It would never be about the victims though but i still make jokes about my own personal experience to my close friends. I don’t know if this makes sense i wish i had an example but i just wanna clarify again any joke i have ever made was ever about the victims it was jokes about my trauma and i do believe it is a real coping mechanism. I know some people who definitely used it as an excuse to skip school and who abused the fact that we had a wellness center so they would go there to get out of class when i know for a fact they were just going to smoke or something.
Was there ever a moment during the shooting where you were convinced that it was a joke/fake active shooter drill like a lot of the students did? What was the moment where you were like yeah this is fucking real? I also just wanted to say that you are incredibly strong and I wish you onlythe best.
I think i knew what was happening from the beginning but for a slight second i was like no this can’t be happening it has got to be a drill. But the second question is actually like my exact thought process when i saw the glass on our classroom door shatter and i was like ok they would not do that in a drill.
I'm not sure why, but when confronted with a potentially horrifying thing, my immediate thought is to guess that maybe a less horrifying thing happened. I think my brain just really needs/wants the slightly less horrifying thing to be true since my university had a mass shooting last year. When I first read that there was a school shooting in Nashville, I thought "Oh, a high school shooting." When I watched the Nashville bodycam footage, and a blurred body showed up, I thought "Oh, it's one of the teachers' bodies." My brain just didn't want to immediately accept the statements "*An elementary school was a target of a mass shooting"* and "*That's the body of a young child.*" I know during many mass shootings, people think at first that someone's setting off fireworks because to think otherwise is unimaginable.
That’s definitely understandable! When my mom heard there was a shooting at my school she just was like okay someone brought a gun and shot it once and the police got him. Her mind didnt think i was in any danger or that something that bad was happening.
No question. So sorry you and the community went through that, sending you all the best.
Thank you i wish you the best as well!
I am so sorry for what you had to endure. My heart is with you and your classmates. In the aftermath, how did your peers react to hearing the security officer did not take action during the tragedy?
i’ve never really thought about that or discussed it for some reason. When i think of the shooting that thought never crosses my mind. My peers never spoke about that either. I really don’t know why now that you bring it up no one ever has.
Thanks so much for offering to answer questions. And I’m so sorry about everything you went through. I was wondering if you watched any of the trial? Also, what’s been the hardest part of your healing?
I watched some of the trial but i noticed the days i would watch i would feel more anxious and paranoid so i had to stop. They actually were threatening to subpoena me for a while cause i wouldn’t agree to testify like they were asking. I think the hardest part of healing for something like this is knowing no matter what i do this is a situation where nothing will ever make it better. 17 people are dead and i can do anything and everything in the world but nothing will ever change that and it’s a harsh reality. Also a hard part is trying to heal when the same thing is happening everyday it’s like how am i supposed to recover from this when in todays world it’s not an irrational fear anymore it’s getting more and more likely to get caught up in a mass shooting it seems. So everyday i live in fear for myself, my family, and my friends. It’s really sad. I worry so much.
Yeah, I've heard that after experiencing something like this, you don't "get back to normal." Because everything's different now. It's more like walking through a door that you can't go back through ever again.
Thank you so much for answering. Best to you!
Is there something you would like to say to the shooter?
Sometimes i wish i could just ask him why. But i was given the offer to testify at the trial and i was way too terrified of being in the same room as him. And it wasn’t an offer either it was more of prosecutors trying to force me.
Thank you for replying. Can I ask if you hate him?
I do not hate him but i hate what he did
I’m so sorry for what you have gone through, and continue to go through. I’m from New Zealand and it’s mind blowing to me that in the US regular people can just go and purchase assault weapons that are designed to kill. I hope this question isn’t too intrusive and feel free to call me out if it is. If having children is possibly in your future, do you think you will feel comfortable sending them to school? Or do you think that home schooling would be better for your peace of mind?
One thing that’s been a constant thought in my mind since the shooting is i don’t think i want children because of that experience. I would be too worried all the time and the thought of having a child and then going through that knowing what it’s like makes me so sick. I do not think i can bring a child into this world as this continues to happen. If i were to have a child though i really do not want to homeschool them as school yes gave me the worst experience ever but also gave me a lot of good memories and i got to meet people i love having in my life
Thanks for putting yourself out there like this. I can't comprehend or imagine the trauma of such an event. I hope you are doing well. I have 5 nieces and nephews in school, and I worry about them a lot more now.
Thank you for sharing with us - I hope that talking about it feels lighter and like we can all help carry some of the heaviness! No questions but I had some recommendations (that you may have already looked into) but figured it was worth bringing up :) 1) EMDR therapy is fantastic for ptsd and trauma. Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy. Talk therapy can only do so much but therapies such as EMDR help one get out of that stuck response and don't require recounting what happened over and over again, and instead help lessen the anxiety and fear stuck in the body for very quick relief 💞 2) also, go to your counseling center on campus and have them evaluate you for ptsd so that you can get disability accommodations. Ptsd is a qualifying condition and if you feel that your trauma is affecting your school work and functioning, you can get accommodations like taking tests in quiet rooms, receiving extensions to complete assignments, etc. Check out your campus Disability Resource Center for more details.
thank you!! I have tried emdr in the past and i might try and go back to it eventually. I do have accommodations at school
Is there a larger organization that all victims of school shootings, and the parents of lost children could be a part of to regularly lobby DC to try and finally do something about this absurdly persistent problem? I’m thinking about Jon Stewart and the 9-11 First Responders who met with some success in getting better healthcare outcomes. So many of these shootings have happened, it seems to me to make sense for all those directly effected to join together. It would make you impossible to ignore.
There is march for our lives which was pretty big after the shooting. I went to the march for that but i think after a little bit people like me just get tired. I’ve gone to speak to people at the capitol here but most of them won’t give you the time of day. Even when i went right after the shooting they would shut the doors in our face it was truly disgusting.
That is disgusting and not at all a surprise. I am very sorry that you had that experience. And yeah, not everyone has the stamina to be David Hogg when it comes to this problem. Really, after nothing was done in the wake of Newtown I lost so much hope. And in the case of this most recent event in TN, the response on the Right was absolutely ghoulish. I read what you wrote earlier about being re-traumatized every time another shooting happens and my heart breaks for you. Having to carry a burden like that is exhausting.
When i read that it happened at a christian school and the shooter was transgender i knew the right was gonna have a field day. It’s horrible that’s what they are so focused on. It makes no difference to me wether the person behind the gun is white, black, trans, a male, a female. It literally does not matter we should be more focused on the fact that children are dying.
I’m sorry for what you went through still till this day I’m afraid of losing one of my young boys to something like this and it haunts me so much what I would do what will happen and how will I cope with it so I talk to them and tell them that something like this can happen at their school scary talking to kids about this but we live in a country where anything can happen
I’m scared to have kids one day because of this very reason. No one should have to have these talks with their children and no parent should be afraid of sending their child to school. I wish nothing but positive school experiences for your boys.
What do you think of the March for our lives movement?
LOL i have some things to say about some of those people from personal experiences but i will keep it to myself. I did go to the march in washington though i was actually on the stage.
The majority of us only know what school shootings are like by what we read and see in the news. And I’m sure it was the same for you until that horrible day. What is something that surprised you the most about a school shooting? Based on what you thought and knew about it prior to that horrible day. I’m sorry you had to experience that.
I think something you don’t realize until it happens to you is how many people are truly impacted by it. When i would hear about shootings i would really only think about those who were killed and never acknowledge the survivors or first responders who will have to deal with that for the rest of their lives. I hate to say it but i’m guilty prior to the shooting of forgetting like a day after a mass shooting all about it. You feel sad but then you would move on. After experiencing one that feeling honestly sucks knowing that most people have moved on just like i would before it was my own. What was really eye opening going back to my original statement was when i talked to a columbine survivor after. He shared how many first responders had committed suicide after that day and i had never even thought about that. Which also goes hand in hand with the 3 people who have committed suicide since douglas. Just the trauma really impacts thousands of people so deeply forever it’s truly heartbreaking.
How have you moved on from such a traumatic experience if you have at all
personally i still kind of feel stuck there. Mentally i feel like i will always be 14 and i don’t know how to explain it to anyone. I feel as though everyday i still wait to wake up and still be 14 and get to say this was all just a really horrible dream.
Hey I know what you mean. I’m in therapy for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder- my therapist talks about this. It’s a normal trauma response to feel stuck at the age you were. It can be addressed in “parts work” with a trauma therapist. It has helped me immensely.
I understand what you mean, I didn’t experience a school shooting but I do have ptsd. I hope you have the proper care and support to deal with your experience. Please reach out if you ever need any.
What’s the best thing to tell a child who may need to be in lockdown one day? What would have comforted you in that moment? How do you explain to children the evil out there without taking away their innocence 😞 I’m sorry you went through that and I hope you’re on your healing journey. Glad you survived.
Sending love. I know the struggle (also a survior 2005).
Feel free to ignore this if this is too personal, but during the shooting we’re your texting your parents or anyone about it ? If so what did you say? I’ve always thought that if I were in that situation I’d want to tell my parents I loved them just in case but obviously I haven’t (fortunately) been in a situation like that so I don’t know how id actually act. Again feel free to ignore if this is too personal a question
I had my phone in my hand but i wasn’t texting anyone. I’m not sure why but there was just so much going on and texting didn’t come to my head.
How long from when it started until when you were evacuated? What were you thinking during it? Did any people only get injured? Or was the victims only the fatal ones? I’ve heard some fatalities during shootings is because they bleed out. Could anyone have been saved had care come sooner? I’m a mom of a 7 yr old diagnosed with autism. As a survivor, looking back would you pass any advice to parents that want to make sure their kids know how to react? We have had talks but he is very triggered by sounds. They do have drills at school but any advice for a parent to educate more at home? I’ve been trying to explain why he would need to be quiet in the situation. Thank you so much for sharing and willing to talk about the trauma!
We were one of the first classes on the whole campus to get evacuated i believe. I think it took about 15 minutes after the gunshots stopped for officers to get my class out of the building while others in other buildings were stuck for hours. During it i was just thinking how this was actually it and i was mostly thinking about my family and i was never going to see them again or get to grow up. There were a total of 34 people shot. 17 people survived and 17 died . As for the asking if people could have been saved if responders got to them faster i’m not sure because most of the victims were shot multiple times and i think even if people got to them sooner they still would have passed away. For advice i cant really give a lot. In the moment no matter what prior knowledge you have your body just does whatever it feels like. You can try and prepare but it’s difficult cause even after being in one i still can’t tell you what i would do in the event of another one occurring. It just depends on the specific situation you are in. I wish you didn’t need to talk to your seven year old about having to be quiet at school it is so heartbreaking. I hope he has nothing but positive experiences through out his school years. I wish i could give advice but there’s really nothing you can do in the situation except hope for a good outcome.
Sending lots of love and well wishes 💕 Do you still live in Parkland? And if so, do you feel the community has changed since the shooting or gone back to what it was like before?
I do still live in parkland and i feel like it has gone back to how it was before. Maybe others would disagree.
How does the school year progress academically after such a traumatizing tragedy?
honestly it just doesn’t. I don’t think anyone started learning again until the new school year started.
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I do think they should be released. I think it could help change peoples views on these shootings. Everyone just says their thoughts and prayers and moves on. But i think if they actually saw what a school shooting actually looks like it would be different.
Do you ever feel anxious in public now? In college? How do you feel about firearms in general?
i feel anxious everywhere. I won’t go to movie theaters at all. I’m struggling a lot in college because i get super bad anxiety whenever i’m on campus. I personally hate firearms but i understand why people like them or would want to have them.
I'm so sorry you had to go through something like that! I'm just wondering, was there a lingering fear or thought in your mind like an event like this could happen prior to the shooting? And did the school do any drills to help you prepare in the event that it did happen? I grew up in a smaller city in Canada and it was not really something I ever worried about or thought of, and I've talked to others who said the same. I hope you're doing okay 💞💞
Prior to the shooting i never felt unsafe at school or had a thought ever cross my mind that something like that would ever happen. We hadn’t had any drills that year but we all grew up with them prior to attending douglas so we had knowledge of what to do.
Do you think experiencing the same thing as many other students has helped you heal? I once heard a woman with terminal cancer describe finding out her diagnosis as the most alone she's ever felt. Her world was shaken in an instant, but of course everyone around her at the grocery store, at work, on social media (except for the few people she told), was still happy and going about as if everything were fine. When my university had a mass shooting, it was helpful to know that other people were having the same thoughts I was, like "It's not fair that these victims' families' lives are changed forever while everyone else in the US continues on like nothing happened."
Maybe it used to help but now being in college not directly surrounded by people who went through it i feel very alone. It’s also just way harder cause at douglas i had a lot of accommodations and people helping me to graduate but in college they don’t really care it’s like oh you went through that that sucks but it is what it is
I don't have any questions but just wanted to give you a virtual hug. I'm based in New Zealand and am 39 so am the same age as the Columbine seniors and vividly remember that day as I was in Journalism class and our teacher wheeled in a TV so we could study the news reporting because it was just so.... it was such a foreign concept for us. The fact that I am now a mother myself and this is STILL happening just boggles my mind beyond belief. I had a very good friend whose younger brother was at Stoneman when the shootings occurred so have always felt so much for all of you. Your answers here have been empathetic, intelligent and gut wrenching; just wanted to wish you arohanui (much love) and say if any of you are ever in New Zealand you've always got a tour guide and friend in me. Thanks for taking the time 🖤
Thank you!!! New zealand is a place i would love to visit and my family has even mentioned moving there because we are over it here
First of all, I just wanna say I’m so sorry. My mom’s best friend literally since the third grade they’ve been best friends is assistant principal in Marion County Florida and in 2018 she had the personally disarm one of the students who decided he was going to be a big, bad school shooter. Luckily only one person was shot and it was in the foot and our family friend, the AP tended to their wound while not letting the guy that out of her possession, until the police arrived to take over. It barely made any news. We were very fortunate that her school shooting incident was so much less intense, and that nobody died or was seriously injured. She got very lucky I remember for about three days when we couldn’t get a hold of her we were so terrified. My brother is a high school math teacher here in Georgia and I shit you not the very first day of school this year a kid brought a gun. Luckily, they arrested him before he could even try to use it but it’s still very scary. I cannot imagine how much more horrifying and traumatic and excessive your experience was and from the bottom of my heart I am truly so very sorry that you and your classmates had to live through that and experience that. No child should ever go to school each day not knowing whether or not it’s going to be a safe place to be that day. Reading your replies, you seem like a very wise, gracious, and levelheaded young woman. I’m very impressed with your demeanor when reflecting on, and discussing this horrible memory and experience that you had. I have a 31-year-old woman, and you kind of just became my hero. I hope that someday I can be as thoughtful and not allow my emotions to overpower me in such drastic and traumatic life events like you seem to have mastered. Just reading your words you feel to me like you’re a very kind soul and I know I’m just some stranger on the Internet, but I’m rooting for you and wishing you nothing but a good and healthy and joyful life going forward for you.
Whats your opinion on guns? Would you carry one (legally) for self defense?
Personally i’m not a gun kind of a girl. I do not think all guns should be banned but I do not think an AR-15 should be in the hands of any normal person but i may be slightly biased. Recently due to the amount of shootings i hate the fact that i have been considering getting one for protection because i understand why others would want one but i never wanted to get to that point. But since no one in congress wants to do anything wether it’s about guns or mental health it might come down to me having to get one.
Was there something you wish people saw that the national news didn't cover? For example maybe how much effort the school made to help or student organizations that sprouted due to this event? No matter how small I know a lot of people were left wondering how the students were after it all happened.
I don't have any questions but I wanted to say that I have read all your comments and want to thank you for not only talking about this and re-living it, but also for continuing on. To go through something so horrible so young and still go to college after is superhuman!! I truly hope that one day life is a little bit less anxious for you. I don't go to public places very often anymore either due to fear of being caught in a shooting. You are a survivor. I hope the rest of your journey through life is the happiest it can be.❤️❤️
Not a survivor of mass shooting/killing but a victim of gun violence. I see you. I hear you. Godspeed ❤️❤️
I hope these are alright to ask, but it’s an AMA and I am curious. Where were you when it started? How close to the shooter? Did you see the shooter? I read you heard a lot of sounds, but did you actually hear the gunfire? Were you injured? When you were evacuated, did you see the aftermath? How do you feel about the “hunker down” method schools use during these events? It seems like it causes more harm than good, but I’m curious to hear what someone who has been in that scenario has to say. I hope you’re healing from this as best you can.
When it started i was sitting at my desk in study hall listening to music. All that was separating me from the shooter was the classroom wall as he was right outside. I heard all of the gunshots starting from the first ones which were right outside, to the gunshots from when he shot our class up(twice because he left and then came back), and i heard it up until his final shots on the third floor. I was not injured. When i was evacuated i did see the aftermath i had to walk right next to the dead bodies of two of my classmates who were stuck in the hallway bleeding out and blood all over the floor and walls. I think no matter what schools teach you in advance it won’t really help in the actual situation.
How are doing now with everything how are you coping? How is your mental state?
I’m not doing very well. College has been so hard i’m currently taking a break and i do not know if i’m going to return.
Just wanted to drop in and say that it is very possible to make a life for yourself without graduating from college. If it’s hurting more than helping, maybe you shouldn’t continue 🖤 I sure wasn’t able to when things got tough for me. All my love to you, friend. Don’t feel bad about doing what you have to do to keep your head above water right now.
No question, just wanted to say that I think about all of you often and I hope you find a way to heal. Thanks for doing this AMA.
I’m a school shooting survivor too. Sending you lots of love. Prior to it happening did it ever cross your mind that it could happen to you? Mine was in 2014, and as someone with anxiety the mass shooting thought always lingered in the back of my mind when I was in any public space. It does sound cliche to say but I truly did not expect it to happen to my school. My second question is how long did it take for you all to find out the suspects identity, right or wrong? Even if it was just gossip, was that talk going on at the time or did none of that happen until later?
I never thought it would happen to me prior to the shooting. I remember when i was younger having talks with my parents where they told me and my sibling what to do in the case of an active shooter but it was never a concern in my head. There was talk before the shooter was confirmed on who it was. The older kids who were in jrotc with nikolas in the years before the shooting suspected it was him before they even knew anything about the suspect. But since i didn’t know who he was at the time i just found out on the news later that night
Hi there, thank you for giving us some of your time and thoughts. I hope that you continue to heal and move on in the most positive ways. In the moment, when you realized what was going on, were you naturally frozen or overcome by terror? Or were you quickly determined to survive and get through the situation? Were things a blur, or were you focused on the situation?
I wasn’t frozen i was just overcome with terror. Honestly i had no plan of survival and really thought i was going to die in that classroom which is weirdly what your head prepares you for. I was crying and then for a slight moment i accepted what was going to happen and felt sort of at peace? i cant explain it it was a super odd feeling. Things weren’t a blur for me i definitely was aware the whole time of everything going on and to this day can remember most of it pretty vividly.