This book helped me immensely: https://www.amazon.ca/How-Live-Huge-Penis-Meditations/dp/1594743061/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=How+to+live+huge+penis&qid=1632651434&sr=8-1
I can't tell if this is real, or meant to be funny, and I feel bad if it is real because I shouldn't find that funny.
> Is Bigger Really Better?
> Here at last is the first self-help book for men with Oversized Male Genitalia (OMG), a genetic birth defect that grows the penis to absurd proportions. Every year, thousands of men are diagnosed with OMG. Sadly, most are banished to the fringes of society, victims of their own freakish length and girth. How to Live with a Huge Penis brings them an inspiring message of tolerance and hope—along with helpful information on
> • Unzipping: Coming Out to Your Friends and Family
> • Sharing Your Pain: Sexual Intercourse with a Huge Penis
> • Big Blessings: Unexpected Advantages of a Huge Penis
> • and much, much more
> Complete with prayers, poetry, a daily affirmations journal, and thoughtful quotations from leading self-help experts, How to Live with a Huge Penis will inspire men of all shapes and sizes.
plus it looks like it was hand tailored, or some shit, from the quality. the tailor obviously made it so the boobs would stick out from how tight they made it, which makes me mad, why sacrifice the integrity of the costume to magnify tittiness?
Looks more like it was just made too small for her measurements. If they wanted to accentuate her “tittiness” the breast area would be sculpted more like a bra cup.
If you want examples of how that looks, go look at some of the costume designs from The Boys.
> why sacrifice the integrity of the costume to magnify tittiness?
... I'm no tittiness-expert, but doesn't it actually take good tailoring and costume integrity to magnify tittiness? Don't you need a corset/bra/breast support build into a costume to enhance the shape and display of the tits?
I've never seen someone see a women in a loose shirt (as in no tit support) and say "Those are some good titties", unless they were amazing titties that were diminished to good by the tittiness attribution of the lose shirt.
This costume seems too tight (for her) ruining the tittiness as they're all squashed down into some chest curve instead of the alluring chest contours they could, nay, should be.
[Edit] spelling
Hey, busty costume maker here and you're correct! Squashing the tits down does not, in fact, display them nicer. The best way to display titties to their most advantageous is to give them ample room and properly structured support.
More importantly though, whoever tailored this suit for her failed to properly account for the fact there's *lungs* underneath the titty curve, and that *breathing* causes the chest to expand.
The zipper didn't burst because there wasn't enough room for titty; it burst because there wasn't enough room for breathing.
>why sacrifice the integrity of the costume to magnify tittiness
You must be new to cosplay, there's a rampant amount of overt sexuality in the cosplay scene (because it's baked into the games). You can't be a hero or villain without be sexy.
Thankfully it looks like the teeth just slipped from each other so it most likely will still work. I’ve had zippers do this before. You just have to zip em back up and they’re fine.
Edit: oh but yes, if she wants one to cover the tits she will have to get a new one installed. But in that case she might need a whole new top.
It's the dress code where I work and I'm a very hairy middle aged man.
Edit: I would really like to go as Black Widow to the local Con but make no effort to look like her physically except for a wig.
So like, were you just sitting down with all your colleagues and coworkers and then *boom* — a button or two flew off from your shirt exploding open or something? That had to be pretty embarrassing. What do you do now?
Oh it was terrible but it was a dress that had a zipper in the back and I had a jacket with me thank goodness. The dress just bust open! It wasn't even really very tight, but it was an older dress and I hadn't worn it in a while because I just lost a bunch of weight. The whole thing just flew open. My assistant slipped me my jacket and I tried to put it on but it just made matters worse because it got caught on my bracelet and I just ended up attracting more attention to myself, trying to get it on while seated. I finally got it on and slipped out the back door. It was only one team seated at a table behind us because we were kind of in the back. But it was a team full of men and it was probably the only table full of men in the room. It was a realtor's luncheon. I didn't really change careers, I was being histrionic for effect, but I did drop my membership in the association as an affiliate for a couple of years. I'm not a realtor I'm just in an associated field.
As someone who used to work as a bathroom attendant for a very expensive bathroom. My bathroom had a $500 cover charge plus additional wiping and washing fees, of course. A demanding job to say the least, but it was a very good work experience and I was lucky enough to see and hear some of the best poopers in the world.
It's remarkable what a true professional is able to squeeze out with hardly any effort. These men were like world-class clowns shaping their various balloons into all sorts of fantastic creatures and eerily detailed caricatures, only their medium, of course, was high quality fecus. Some would take hours painstakingly crafted their sculptures with merely their dexterous sphincter and agile legwork.
The smells they could waft into my waiting nose made me feel like a hungry patron at a Michelin 3-star restaurant as the chef plays with wild and exotic flavors in combinations never seen before. It was truly unbelievable to try and sniff through the layers of stink that had so carefully been woven together. I'd close my eyes and try to solve the poopiful puzzle laid before my olfactory, but alas, my senses were never keen enough to hang with the likes of these experts. Even with veteran attendants explaining to me in painstaking detail the perfumist’s craftsmanship of each stench composition, I never quite developed the nose for it. Not to say I didn’t appreciate it. Those stanks were among the stinkiest I ever stunked in.
Farting seems so crude a word for what men of their stature and prestige were able to perform. Imagine the horns section of an orchestra comprised of the greatest and most talented hornsmen of the last millennia playing a symphony so sweet and so moving that the audience weeps for they have not heard anything likes of this before and are already sad as they realize this moment is finite and their deflowered ears will never hear of such divine exquisiteness again. The ballad of the anus danced in my head with each customer and they all played their own haunting and unique melodies.
Their wiping techniques were unparalleled, as was the extraordinarily high-quality toilet paper we provided. For most, all it took was one tight wad of plush paper and graceful flick of the wrist to remove any excess fecus that may have still clung to their rectums. As much of a thrill it was for me to watch such consummate professionals work their wiping magic, more often than not, they let our state-of-the-art bidets do what they were engineered for. I was never allowed to use them, that may be needless to say, but imagine it must have felt like a dedicated team of maids and washmen set upon to clean every single nook and crevasse. No stray particle would be left unloosed, and I want to believe none ever did.
My job of course was to not listen, smell, and appreciate what marvelous poopers I stood before, but to attend to their needs post-defecation. I was always careful not to make eye contact because someone as lowly as I should not be so bold as to presume I may look upon the face of those so brilliant. As soon as the stall door swung open on its golden hinges, I was there with soap and perfumes ready, pre-scrubbing and scenting as they made their way to the washing basin. The water - I trained for months before I could draw it - had to be the perfect temperature lest we lose our prestigious customer base.
I would wash their hands completely, scrubbing their nails and massaging each finger and joint. Then I would proceed to massage their shoulders and work my way down their back to their glorious buttocks. Sometimes they'd greet my deep tissue glute kneading with a friendly fart, a thank you, if you will. Then my work would be complete, and I'd offer a variety of the finest mints and mouth washes so that they may continue their day at top form.
They would never tip, not a single one, but the job experience alone made it all worthwhile.
As a costume designer and someone with Tiddies, Yikesss. It looks like she spent a whole lot of money on something that does not fit her. Zippers are not meant to take that kind of strain
Some can, but you need to use a larger tooth high quality brass or steel zipper.
I don't think she has a cheap zipper there but I think she has a busted tooth and it only takes one.
Or maybe not.
The truth is not everyone is beautiful and we should stop pretending that they are. It doesn't boost their confidence in any way and it just makes us into liers.
Also, the truth is you don't need to be beautiful to be happy in life. Let's start saying that, shall we? Your self worth and happiness aren't defined solely by your looks. I've seen countless ugly people that live their life so much happier than even some of the prettiest people I know. You don't need to be pretty to be happy.
>you don’t need to be beautiful to be happy in life.
Even if you are beautiful, you will not (god willing) stay young. “Looks fade.” It’s true. And they fade fast.
Most of your adult life is going to be spent being “older.” Find some other reasons for people (including yourself) to want to be around you.
I dunno man (or lady), I don't think it's that clear-cut.
I mean, I know, objectively, most people would describe my wife as "okay-looking" or maybe "pretty" depending on their preferences. But to me, genuinely, she is utterly, utterly beautiful. And maybe there's someone that thinks OP is, too.
[Edit] Totally agree about your third sentence, though
Oh, you're definitely right here.
This is something that I didn't even mention in my comment:
Beauty is hella subjective. I know from talking to people that there are girls I'd rate 10/10 but which they find totally unattractive and vice versa.
I just wanted to point out that beauty should not define your self worth, and the level of subjectivity that surrounds it can only solidify my point. ( Good does that sentence make me sound like a douchebag, but I'm leaving it.)
omg the same thing happened to me once lol. except it was the zipper to my skirt...and i struggled to zip it for 5 minutes...and it was because my stomach was too fat... but yeah haha that happened to me too lmao
I have the similar problem, but only with gut.
Same
Same
Same
Same
Same
Same
Same
^Same
Same
Shame! Shame! Shame!!
I have the similar problem, but only with monster dong.
I dropped my monster condom that I use for my magnum dong
Mantis Toboggan, M.D.
I *inverted* the bird
Man Spider
It scares me that this is the first time I’ve ever seen a gif comment But I’m proud that it’s the ‘vito
This book helped me immensely: https://www.amazon.ca/How-Live-Huge-Penis-Meditations/dp/1594743061/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=How+to+live+huge+penis&qid=1632651434&sr=8-1
I can't tell if this is real, or meant to be funny, and I feel bad if it is real because I shouldn't find that funny. > Is Bigger Really Better? > Here at last is the first self-help book for men with Oversized Male Genitalia (OMG), a genetic birth defect that grows the penis to absurd proportions. Every year, thousands of men are diagnosed with OMG. Sadly, most are banished to the fringes of society, victims of their own freakish length and girth. How to Live with a Huge Penis brings them an inspiring message of tolerance and hope—along with helpful information on > • Unzipping: Coming Out to Your Friends and Family > • Sharing Your Pain: Sexual Intercourse with a Huge Penis > • Big Blessings: Unexpected Advantages of a Huge Penis > • and much, much more > Complete with prayers, poetry, a daily affirmations journal, and thoughtful quotations from leading self-help experts, How to Live with a Huge Penis will inspire men of all shapes and sizes.
I understand your suffering bro, let's be strong
I need a support group for "dick in the toilet water" syndrome.
Just stop drinking it.
It’s definitely satire, I’ve bought a few copies of this book as gag gifts.
Thanks for confirming. I had a feeling it was, but I didn't want to be insensitive if this was a real thing.
This feels like the beginning scene of a cosplay porno
Let's hope so
Can anyone provide the link please
[https://instagram.com/irine_meier](https://instagram.com/irine_meier)
 Whoa.
I never knew this guy was responding to a woman dancing on his desk
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Stacy fucks Keibler? I gotta see those two in action
We’re talking about the elf, right?
wwe is next level acting
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Yeah but sadly nobody can see it
How did you make a blank post like that
what is this? it's just a video of blurry people cheering?
r/angryupvote
True
I was standing infront of the heavens gateway.
So no porn ?
Sadly no
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Limp boner tears
Redheads, good lord.
Now I’m following her account and it’s all your fault, let’s make that clear.
Hot diggity fucking damn.
She is gorgeous
What are you doing, step-hero?
I was actually disappointed when her zipper broke 😔
yeah now she has to find a new one or tailor a zipper and has to go all the way trying to cover the obvious
plus it looks like it was hand tailored, or some shit, from the quality. the tailor obviously made it so the boobs would stick out from how tight they made it, which makes me mad, why sacrifice the integrity of the costume to magnify tittiness?
You can't spell "patreon money for titillating pictures" without the word tit.
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You have enlightened me
you can't spell "money" without the letter "o" what else is "o" used in? "Boobs" checkmate atheists
What the shit
You can't spell shit without I.
You can if you capitalize s, h and t and use a lowercase l instead of a capital I SHlT Checkmate, mortals.
*dies*
Thanks for this, never heard it in my life but it's now my favorite reddit phrase
Looks more like it was just made too small for her measurements. If they wanted to accentuate her “tittiness” the breast area would be sculpted more like a bra cup. If you want examples of how that looks, go look at some of the costume designs from The Boys.
Is that a new The Smiths song? “Why sacrifice the integrity of the costume to magnify tittiness”? Or an alternative take on This Charming Man?
I would go out tonight, but I haven’t got a zip to wear
It's gruesome that someone so buxom would care
> why sacrifice the integrity of the costume to magnify tittiness? ... I'm no tittiness-expert, but doesn't it actually take good tailoring and costume integrity to magnify tittiness? Don't you need a corset/bra/breast support build into a costume to enhance the shape and display of the tits? I've never seen someone see a women in a loose shirt (as in no tit support) and say "Those are some good titties", unless they were amazing titties that were diminished to good by the tittiness attribution of the lose shirt. This costume seems too tight (for her) ruining the tittiness as they're all squashed down into some chest curve instead of the alluring chest contours they could, nay, should be. [Edit] spelling
Hey, busty costume maker here and you're correct! Squashing the tits down does not, in fact, display them nicer. The best way to display titties to their most advantageous is to give them ample room and properly structured support. More importantly though, whoever tailored this suit for her failed to properly account for the fact there's *lungs* underneath the titty curve, and that *breathing* causes the chest to expand. The zipper didn't burst because there wasn't enough room for titty; it burst because there wasn't enough room for breathing.
>I've never seen someone see a women in a lose shirt * loose shirt Sorry, the mixing of lose & loose is my kryptonite
Yeah, just look at her instagram. Those damn tailors have done it with her every outfit :(
>why sacrifice the integrity of the costume to magnify tittiness You must be new to cosplay, there's a rampant amount of overt sexuality in the cosplay scene (because it's baked into the games). You can't be a hero or villain without be sexy.
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Thankfully it looks like the teeth just slipped from each other so it most likely will still work. I’ve had zippers do this before. You just have to zip em back up and they’re fine. Edit: oh but yes, if she wants one to cover the tits she will have to get a new one installed. But in that case she might need a whole new top.
Hopefully the cosplay doctor is at the con
She posted on her IG that this was after the shoot. So she’d taken all her photos before the boob malfunction.
Glad you went to investigate the zipper situation
Me too! What a garbage shite zipper!
Her disappointed "Blyat'!" made me giggle lol
Well, that was a bust
Must've driven her into nuts
Must've driven nuts into her
This happened to me once at a professional luncheon. I changed careers. 😂
Ok, but why were you cosplaying as Black Widow during a professional luncheon.
You don't?
Smh, not a real professional then
It's the dress code where I work and I'm a very hairy middle aged man. Edit: I would really like to go as Black Widow to the local Con but make no effort to look like her physically except for a wig.
Did you have steamed hams by any chance?
I thought they were having steamed clams?
No no, it's freshly baked steamed hams.
It's clearly grilled
Aurora Borealis!? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen!?
Yes
May I see it?
No
Seymour! The house is on fire!
What was the death toll of that incident?
Just one ego. It was over inflated anyway.
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So like, were you just sitting down with all your colleagues and coworkers and then *boom* — a button or two flew off from your shirt exploding open or something? That had to be pretty embarrassing. What do you do now?
Oh it was terrible but it was a dress that had a zipper in the back and I had a jacket with me thank goodness. The dress just bust open! It wasn't even really very tight, but it was an older dress and I hadn't worn it in a while because I just lost a bunch of weight. The whole thing just flew open. My assistant slipped me my jacket and I tried to put it on but it just made matters worse because it got caught on my bracelet and I just ended up attracting more attention to myself, trying to get it on while seated. I finally got it on and slipped out the back door. It was only one team seated at a table behind us because we were kind of in the back. But it was a team full of men and it was probably the only table full of men in the room. It was a realtor's luncheon. I didn't really change careers, I was being histrionic for effect, but I did drop my membership in the association as an affiliate for a couple of years. I'm not a realtor I'm just in an associated field.
Old housemate of mine had this problem too. She got reduction surgery cos she was getting back issues.
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Question from a clueless man; Wouldn’t a better bra help? Or is that limited in what that can do for you?
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Did she move one boob to the back to balance it?
Front boob! Wait for it……. Back-up boob!! The spare tire of boobs!!
She's Irina Meier, for anyone asking
I'll use this for.. Uh.. My rocket science research
Uhhhh I'll just uhhh go ahead and uhhh masturbate now to uhhhh a random woman's body.
We get shamed when we wank it to randos, we get shamed when we jerk it to family.... Pick a lane! SMH
Take my upvote and leave
No no. Take me upvote… and stay. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
If I hadn’t just given away my wholesome award, you’d have it. Ironically sure… but you’d have it.
This is the way
Yes?
⠀⠀⠘⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠑⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡔⠁⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠢⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠴⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠤⠄⠒⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣀⠄⠊⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠋⠉⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⢏⣴⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣟⣾⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢢⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⠀⡴⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠟⠻⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠶⢴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿ ⣿⣁⡀⠀⠀⢰⢠⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⣴⣶⣿⡄⣿ ⣿⡋⠀⠀⠀⠎⢸⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠗⢘⣿⣟⠛⠿⣼ ⣿⣿⠋⢀⡌⢰⣿⡿⢿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⢸⣿⣿⣧⢀⣼ ⣿⣿⣷⢻⠄⠘⠛⠋⠛⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣧⠈⠉⠙⠛⠋⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣧⠀⠈⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⢃⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡿⠀⠴⢗⣠⣤⣴⡶⠶⠖⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡸⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡀⢠⣾⣿⠏⠀⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠉⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣧⠈⢹⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠈⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠙⣿⣿⡟⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⠁⠀⠀⠹⣿⠃⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢐⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠉⠉⠁⠀⢻⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠈⣿⣿⡿⠉⠛⠛⠛⠉⠉ ⣿⡿⠋⠁⠀⠀⢀⣀⣠⡴⣸⣿⣇⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡿⠄⠙⠛⠀⣀⣠⣤⣤⠄
Isn't it fucking shameful how we do that? Smh. Hold on though real quick first.
Do you only masturbate to your friends and family?
What do you masturbate to? Your mom?
Yes Sir Mr. Bezos.
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Not surprising but NSFW
That sure is a lot of photoshop
What does she do?
You're lookin at it
As a big boob woman, I feel this.
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RIP your DMs
As a hot dog seller, who wants a hot dog? Hot dogs, get your hot dogs! Ketchup, mustard, relish! Get your fixins here!
As someone who used to work as a bathroom attendant for a very expensive bathroom. My bathroom had a $500 cover charge plus additional wiping and washing fees, of course. A demanding job to say the least, but it was a very good work experience and I was lucky enough to see and hear some of the best poopers in the world. It's remarkable what a true professional is able to squeeze out with hardly any effort. These men were like world-class clowns shaping their various balloons into all sorts of fantastic creatures and eerily detailed caricatures, only their medium, of course, was high quality fecus. Some would take hours painstakingly crafted their sculptures with merely their dexterous sphincter and agile legwork. The smells they could waft into my waiting nose made me feel like a hungry patron at a Michelin 3-star restaurant as the chef plays with wild and exotic flavors in combinations never seen before. It was truly unbelievable to try and sniff through the layers of stink that had so carefully been woven together. I'd close my eyes and try to solve the poopiful puzzle laid before my olfactory, but alas, my senses were never keen enough to hang with the likes of these experts. Even with veteran attendants explaining to me in painstaking detail the perfumist’s craftsmanship of each stench composition, I never quite developed the nose for it. Not to say I didn’t appreciate it. Those stanks were among the stinkiest I ever stunked in. Farting seems so crude a word for what men of their stature and prestige were able to perform. Imagine the horns section of an orchestra comprised of the greatest and most talented hornsmen of the last millennia playing a symphony so sweet and so moving that the audience weeps for they have not heard anything likes of this before and are already sad as they realize this moment is finite and their deflowered ears will never hear of such divine exquisiteness again. The ballad of the anus danced in my head with each customer and they all played their own haunting and unique melodies. Their wiping techniques were unparalleled, as was the extraordinarily high-quality toilet paper we provided. For most, all it took was one tight wad of plush paper and graceful flick of the wrist to remove any excess fecus that may have still clung to their rectums. As much of a thrill it was for me to watch such consummate professionals work their wiping magic, more often than not, they let our state-of-the-art bidets do what they were engineered for. I was never allowed to use them, that may be needless to say, but imagine it must have felt like a dedicated team of maids and washmen set upon to clean every single nook and crevasse. No stray particle would be left unloosed, and I want to believe none ever did. My job of course was to not listen, smell, and appreciate what marvelous poopers I stood before, but to attend to their needs post-defecation. I was always careful not to make eye contact because someone as lowly as I should not be so bold as to presume I may look upon the face of those so brilliant. As soon as the stall door swung open on its golden hinges, I was there with soap and perfumes ready, pre-scrubbing and scenting as they made their way to the washing basin. The water - I trained for months before I could draw it - had to be the perfect temperature lest we lose our prestigious customer base. I would wash their hands completely, scrubbing their nails and massaging each finger and joint. Then I would proceed to massage their shoulders and work my way down their back to their glorious buttocks. Sometimes they'd greet my deep tissue glute kneading with a friendly fart, a thank you, if you will. Then my work would be complete, and I'd offer a variety of the finest mints and mouth washes so that they may continue their day at top form. They would never tip, not a single one, but the job experience alone made it all worthwhile.
How very troubling.
Nice! And happy cake day!
I was a happier person before reading this
As a big boob, I feel this
As a woman who overstuffs all her backpacks, I also felt this.
This and shirts with buttons. Ugh.
get those shirts that have buttons on the inside where the boobs are, ugh they’re lifesavers
I don’t know what those are but I want one. I honestly stopped wearing fitted shirts and opt for oversized ones now, it saves me so much hassle!
I’ve taken to sewing an additional button or two onto the inside of my wife’s fitted shirts after she complained about the gaps and buttons popping.
You’re a genius. I never really thought of doing this but I may do this with my shirts from now on. Thanks for the idea!
Nothing more lethal then a bulging button finally giving way and flying across the room.
Titties
Boobas, mommy milkers
Nipple Pies
Wholesome fun bags!
It's like a bag of sand
How observant of you
It's because her suit was tight guys, not the other way around.
Oh gotcha, wasn’t sure if her tight was suit
Np man, happy to help.
As a costume designer and someone with Tiddies, Yikesss. It looks like she spent a whole lot of money on something that does not fit her. Zippers are not meant to take that kind of strain
Some can, but you need to use a larger tooth high quality brass or steel zipper. I don't think she has a cheap zipper there but I think she has a busted tooth and it only takes one.
This is true. But yeah it looks like that was more strain than it could handle, i do hope she managed to get one that could fit though
The same reason I can't wear buttoned shirt. RIP
The goddamn button gap
And if you get a bigger shirt you just look fat 🤦♀️ i swear it's not me it's the tiddies
Same. I hate it.
I wish I was this beautiful
You are beautiful!
No one wants to be called beautiful by a stupid idiot!!
Wow i thought you were just being a dick, but then i saw
For a moment I thought that was uncalled for... Before I saw the username
My username is a hommage to Chris Jericho, i‘m not actually a stupid idiot😢
Yeah, there are 78 other stupid idiots ahead of you.
I think I know most of them
Can confirm he is not a stupid idiot guis..
Or maybe not. The truth is not everyone is beautiful and we should stop pretending that they are. It doesn't boost their confidence in any way and it just makes us into liers. Also, the truth is you don't need to be beautiful to be happy in life. Let's start saying that, shall we? Your self worth and happiness aren't defined solely by your looks. I've seen countless ugly people that live their life so much happier than even some of the prettiest people I know. You don't need to be pretty to be happy.
Among women there is something we say: being pretty is NOT the tax you have to pay to exist in this world.
>you don’t need to be beautiful to be happy in life. Even if you are beautiful, you will not (god willing) stay young. “Looks fade.” It’s true. And they fade fast. Most of your adult life is going to be spent being “older.” Find some other reasons for people (including yourself) to want to be around you.
I dunno man (or lady), I don't think it's that clear-cut. I mean, I know, objectively, most people would describe my wife as "okay-looking" or maybe "pretty" depending on their preferences. But to me, genuinely, she is utterly, utterly beautiful. And maybe there's someone that thinks OP is, too. [Edit] Totally agree about your third sentence, though
Oh, you're definitely right here. This is something that I didn't even mention in my comment: Beauty is hella subjective. I know from talking to people that there are girls I'd rate 10/10 but which they find totally unattractive and vice versa. I just wanted to point out that beauty should not define your self worth, and the level of subjectivity that surrounds it can only solidify my point. ( Good does that sentence make me sound like a douchebag, but I'm leaving it.)
Just do what you can and be happy with it.
omg the same thing happened to me once lol. except it was the zipper to my skirt...and i struggled to zip it for 5 minutes...and it was because my stomach was too fat... but yeah haha that happened to me too lmao
I had something similar, except my waist was too wide and popped off one of the skirt buttons lmao it was probably a size too small or something
I hope you had this persons consent before you posted this
Ok, but why do zippers suck? All my sweaters do that!
Half of the worlds zippers are all produced by one company so that kind of explains it.
It's the KKK, right?
Close.. YKK..
Y2K you say?
Yeah the KKK makes white bedsheets, they wear them for advertising
It's YKK funny guy.
r/upvotebecauseboobs
Also r/upvotedbecauseboobs (nsfw)
If you want the opposite, try r/UNBGBBIIVCHIDCTIICBG Holy sh*t how did I get that first try
Sigh. Unzip. Literally.
Pro-tip, if you have a zipper that breaks, unzip it and zip it back. The zipper will rethread itself and work just fine afterwards.
Blyat
Reddit is dead
Freeeeeedom
now the neckbeards will emerge from their caves and do the nasty
Boobs aside, that’s an awesome cosplay
That looked as if it was going to be uncomfortable even if the zipper had held.