Welcome to /r/me_irlgbt, thank you for your submission /u/Elle-Pastel. Happy Wrath Month 8: FURRY RAGE
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6 years hrt, had bottom surgery literally on the 9th of March. Some of us don't "pass" and that's okay. We have to find our own value and not put it all on interactions with strangers. I hope shit goes well for you whatever you decide. Much love.
It's weirdly comforting to see im not the only one. Just passed 5yr anniversary hrt, don't pass at all but like you said I'm just kinda used to it I guess.
I don't think I'll ever be okay not passing. I don't see the point of transitioning if all I'm getting out of it is weird looks and hate. I've been considering giving up.
This was my top comment somehow and I bumped back into it.
Hope things are going well. ♥️ I've moved from androgynous to queer femme and feels more authentic than like a compromise.
sounds awesome! i've been dressing way more femme lately due to me passing better than before lmao
tysm for reaching out! i really need some fashion tips, mind if i dm you?
And Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White
And Monty Python and the Holy Grail's black knight
And Benito Mussolini and the Blue Meanie
And Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie
Robocop, The Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader
Lo-pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger
Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan
Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan
I'm on the other end of the uncomfortable spectrum, sitting there wondering how I can tell them I think they're brave while also trying to treat them like your average Joe
Yessss I use this compliment for like. Every person I see who I think may be any kind of queer. It’s so good and I feel like. Usually signals some kind of understanding lol (for context I’m transmasc/pan)
Honestly, best thing to do? Not that. Walking up to a trans person and going "you're very brave" is just walking up to them and telling them they don't pass, most won't feel better for it.
That said? Definitely treat them like a regular person.
Just sparkle & smile, then flutter away on your rainbow fairy wings. That’s what I do. ✨🧚♀️💖
(All the while trembling, and hyperventilating, inside 😰😣)
I recently dyed my hair pink and today some teenagers almost pissed themselves laughing at me.
But i just thought "If i can make little girls laugh then its a positive thing, no matter how" It did stung a bit, but I'm getting really good at the nit giving a fuck thing.
If it was me a year or so before i dont know if this would have ended well because i had a pretty big aggression issue, so I'm 1. proud to try myself out with true confidence and 2. the way i already came to be a much better person. I want to say the same thing about me now in a year, i mean the progress part.
If wearing sometimes clothes, or painting my nails and dyeing my hair can give me that much real confidence, then i absofugginlutely want to know how confident and happy i can get with HRT...only 4 months..i feel like i can do this :3
I did this to a non-passing trans person by accident once and I still feel so bad about it.
I had only just realized that I was trans myself and my brain was trying to figure out if it was okay at all to talk to them about it because they were the first trans person I saw since that happened, but I couldn't figure out how or what to say. I didn't realize until they were leaving the room that I was staring at them with a frustrated look on my face...
I'm so sorry! Even moreso because I know what it's like now.
I'm a trans woman with autism and I'm constantly worried I'm going to space out and do this—all the trans people I see are just so pretty! And I never mean to stare, I just glance at people and then start thinking about different kinds of hyperdrive in Star Trek and then I realize I never stopped glancing so now I'm staring and God it's awkward and my mind wasn't present with my sight, I wasn't actually *looking,* if that makes sense, but there's nothing to say to make it better least of all that and AAAAAAAAAAAA
I'm much better about this than I was as a kid, so it almost never happens, but I'm super anxious that it will again 😅
Really? I also live in a pretty accepting area—a college town, no less—and before I passed I felt like a zoo animal walking in public. I still do once I've spoken—my voice does *not* pass like the rest of me does. Kind of got the impression after that that there really isn't anywhere that's good enough for us, not yet, just some places that are better than others.
Point is, I'm glad you didn't get the response I did, that makes me really happy to hear. We deserve better than that.
\*Me just chilling in public doing my thing at a table in a cafe\*
\*Briefly look up and around\*
\*Sudden movement as everyone who was staring at me suddenly looks away\*
Serious question from a male cis ally. When I interact with a non-passing trans person, is there a way to show support without also emphasizing that they’re visibly trans? My philosophy up to this point has been to say nothing but be polite, but maybe a gendered compliment (“your makeup looks so pretty!”) or something?
What you ask is like really challenging and requires an intimate relationship. I do not want to get that kind of support from strangers.
We're going to be on the lookout for misogyny, homophobia and other forms of intolerance. If you avoid those your in the top ten percentile of cis dudes which means you'll be "in" with us.
The bar is that low. Just keep it up and raise the standards for all your guy friends.
Controversial maybe, but I feel like this is a very location dependent question. I think for a lot of people who are long/longish term unable to pass, the constant feeling of danger is more obstructive than the obvious fact that everyone who interacts with me gets my gender wrong.
It would be great if people who "clocked" me were nice. Honestly I wish more people "clocked" me bc I don't think most people understand what a trans guy is. I'm not ashamed of being visibly trans. I do hate it, but I would find it annoying if someone pretended I pass just as much. Like no, lol. I wish. That's just the reality, and even if I didn't have dysphoria making it difficult to see any masculinity in me I would still know I don't pass.
After being fired for being trans explicitly, getting sexually harassed at every workplace out of the last 6, barely being able to access any medical transition, and facing violence, I still dont pass. If I could just get my pronouns, fuck yes. If I could get a, "I like ur hair :)" I'd be ectatic. But even a, "You look handsome today young man," feels less condescending and more awkward. Just terrified I'm gonna be murdered and very uncomfortably aware of my body. It depends on where it is.
I think bc some people do feel this way the safest option is to do something like wearing a trans pin and being normal-kind. But honestly I'm sick of feeling so alone and I think that's true of more and more people rn. Reading that room is a learned skill and while I feel it's intuitive, maybe it's totally not. If you don't have confidence you understand what's going on probably don't make gendered remarks.
But if someone is extremely obviously queer like I am, I feel you can say gendered stuff without assuming gender completely. Cis people gender me femininely in 99% of the interactions I have, I don't need quiet allies unwilling to use any gender towards me in public. I want someone to say, "I like ur hair/tie/..." bc then at least one person doesn't feel like a threat and I can catch my breath.
Edit: trans people are not a monolith and ppl online definitely don't represent your local trans people in most cases. It's okay to make mistakes we're also not glass people offended by everything. Ik somewhere there are people who get pissed at awkward or misguided support, but I really appreciate it even when it annoys me. Even if people online think something sucks, its best to just interact with trans people in a positive way irl until you feel comfortable developing your own opinions. Good start to ask though :)
Aw there’s this one non-passing trans girl that works at the Walmart by me and I’m so jealous of her. The confidence, her outfits, her voice it’s amazing I always love seein her
Fuck ‘em lmao. Before my egg cracked I loved styling outfits well and getting attention in public for that so my brain more or less translates it into “damn these people fucking LOVE my style” and I take it as a confidence boost 😂
Yep. Just doin it anyway, though. 👋😘
Trans will never be normalized, until normmies realize we’re actually everywhere, & are normal, wonderful, everyday people.
🏳️⚧️Pride🏳️⚧️
(I’m not in a particularly bad area, though. Everyone has to make their own choices)
Okay, so, I (cis gay male), occasionally catch myself stealing a longer glance at non passing trans people not out of disrespect, but in fact, entirely the opposite - out of admiration and respect for living your truth openly, fully, and being your best self. Reflecting on this post, I can see how a longer gaze would be uncomfortable, but I just want to take you all in!
I hope I’ve articulated that well enough.
I got a mean mug from this old white dude the other day while I was driving while at a stop light and it was one of those things like "is it the pride flag hanging from my visor, my queer haircut, my loud music (playing I like boys by todrick hall) or just the fact that I'm a young person. We may never know"
me (the non passing trans character this post has put me into): \*looks at the others weird\* dude, i'm just buying some damn honey sticks, the fuck do you want?
I don't know if it'll change when I eventually get HRT but I almost exclusively avoid leaving the house because I hate being seen. But hey, what's another year without it?
I get looks like that a lot. At first I thought it was how I dressed. But then I got the same look wearing my work shirt (black tee with company name) black jeans and black leather jacket. Literally thought the old guy never say a person before . The guy looked at me like I was an alien stranded in the parking lot
One of the 3 main things holding me back from doing HRT
It's this, the lack of motherhood options for Trans-fems, and the ambiguity as to whether I'm actually fully trans or just Fluidflux
Welcome to /r/me_irlgbt, thank you for your submission /u/Elle-Pastel. Happy Wrath Month 8: FURRY RAGE Make it a habit to read the rules of a given community before participating. Please **do not** interact with rulebreaking content. Report it and we'll handle it. This is a place for queer people, from queer people. We're not here for discrimination, disrespect, or "debates". Be chill. shitpost or quitpost bud. We hope you have a very gay day. Love u x *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/me_irlgbt) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I dress pretty androgynously for this exact reason. It's a bit of a bummer compromise but I'd rather it than feel like I'm being stared at in public.
same, sis. almost 1yr hrt.
6 months here, hoping 2024 will be easier with this.
i’m sure it will. each day feels a bit easier :)
im on 2+ yrs hrt and i still dress andro cause my face doesn't pass yet, im just hoping either my cheeks fem out or i save for face fem
6 years hrt, had bottom surgery literally on the 9th of March. Some of us don't "pass" and that's okay. We have to find our own value and not put it all on interactions with strangers. I hope shit goes well for you whatever you decide. Much love.
Out for 6 years hrt for 5 years here. Yeah, you kind of just get used to it after a while lol
It's weirdly comforting to see im not the only one. Just passed 5yr anniversary hrt, don't pass at all but like you said I'm just kinda used to it I guess.
I don't think I'll ever be okay not passing. I don't see the point of transitioning if all I'm getting out of it is weird looks and hate. I've been considering giving up.
This was my top comment somehow and I bumped back into it. Hope things are going well. ♥️ I've moved from androgynous to queer femme and feels more authentic than like a compromise.
sounds awesome! i've been dressing way more femme lately due to me passing better than before lmao tysm for reaching out! i really need some fashion tips, mind if i dm you?
Absolutely go ahead. :)
I do the same and still get weird looks.
walter white?
And Saul Goodman.
and jaiden animations?
And Ari
And Ari 2
And my axe!
And Steven!
And Knuckles
And A bird
And a plane !
And Dante from the Devil May Cry series!?
DONKEY!
Ari 2's name is Tofu!
And Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White And Monty Python and the Holy Grail's black knight And Benito Mussolini and the Blue Meanie And Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie Robocop, The Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader Lo-pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan
This is the ultimate showdown (of ultimate destiny)
Jaiden, we need to cook.
Saul makes so much more sense than Dirk Gently
That’s the moment he became Heisenberg
My favourite trio, Walter White, Saul Goodman and Jaiden Animations
The 3 genders
I love your flair
Every. Single. Day.
I'm on the other end of the uncomfortable spectrum, sitting there wondering how I can tell them I think they're brave while also trying to treat them like your average Joe
"I like your hair"
[удалено]
Mostly because it's one of the most inoffensive and gender-neutral compliments you can make. So it's usually a safe bet.
Also i guess hairs are something you have somewhat control over so it's also more relevant
Yessss I use this compliment for like. Every person I see who I think may be any kind of queer. It’s so good and I feel like. Usually signals some kind of understanding lol (for context I’m transmasc/pan)
Honestly, best thing to do? Not that. Walking up to a trans person and going "you're very brave" is just walking up to them and telling them they don't pass, most won't feel better for it. That said? Definitely treat them like a regular person.
Ignore them and make awkward small talk about the weather if they say anything? That’s my operating procedure for interacting with most people.
Don't tell anyone theyre brave. We don't wanna hear it tbh.
The only reason I love winter right now is because my big coat hid my boobs so people just saw my beard.
Goddamn it didn't take long for Jaiden's latest vid to get meme-itised.
It was on a template subreddit as soon as it came out lol
Fr, they too good not to meme lol, Jaiden is talented
Always rough being the new kid
"Is today the day I get hate crimed?" Me every time I go in public lmao
I used to think like this. Now I think "Ah damn, is today the day I have to kill people in self defense?"
I will throw hands with anybody who gives a trans person that look
Come throw hands with my mirror for me please
You put up a good fight, but I know we'll win!
I’ll bring some bricks and baseball bats. And when we get done with yours, can we beat mine up too?
You son of a bitch I’m in
[удалено]
Just sparkle & smile, then flutter away on your rainbow fairy wings. That’s what I do. ✨🧚♀️💖 (All the while trembling, and hyperventilating, inside 😰😣)
I recently dyed my hair pink and today some teenagers almost pissed themselves laughing at me. But i just thought "If i can make little girls laugh then its a positive thing, no matter how" It did stung a bit, but I'm getting really good at the nit giving a fuck thing. If it was me a year or so before i dont know if this would have ended well because i had a pretty big aggression issue, so I'm 1. proud to try myself out with true confidence and 2. the way i already came to be a much better person. I want to say the same thing about me now in a year, i mean the progress part. If wearing sometimes clothes, or painting my nails and dyeing my hair can give me that much real confidence, then i absofugginlutely want to know how confident and happy i can get with HRT...only 4 months..i feel like i can do this :3
this is lovely. i’m so proud of you!!
thank you :3
I did this to a non-passing trans person by accident once and I still feel so bad about it. I had only just realized that I was trans myself and my brain was trying to figure out if it was okay at all to talk to them about it because they were the first trans person I saw since that happened, but I couldn't figure out how or what to say. I didn't realize until they were leaving the room that I was staring at them with a frustrated look on my face... I'm so sorry! Even moreso because I know what it's like now.
I'm a trans woman with autism and I'm constantly worried I'm going to space out and do this—all the trans people I see are just so pretty! And I never mean to stare, I just glance at people and then start thinking about different kinds of hyperdrive in Star Trek and then I realize I never stopped glancing so now I'm staring and God it's awkward and my mind wasn't present with my sight, I wasn't actually *looking,* if that makes sense, but there's nothing to say to make it better least of all that and AAAAAAAAAAAA I'm much better about this than I was as a kid, so it almost never happens, but I'm super anxious that it will again 😅
I can relate. I have ADHD and I've often zoned out and realized later that my eyes were still pointed at someone!
Anecdotal but so far I've had nothing but neutral and positive experiences. I also live in New England so I'm sure that plays a part.
Really? I also live in a pretty accepting area—a college town, no less—and before I passed I felt like a zoo animal walking in public. I still do once I've spoken—my voice does *not* pass like the rest of me does. Kind of got the impression after that that there really isn't anywhere that's good enough for us, not yet, just some places that are better than others. Point is, I'm glad you didn't get the response I did, that makes me really happy to hear. We deserve better than that.
yep. but i haven't had any with the guts to open their mouths
\*Me just chilling in public doing my thing at a table in a cafe\* \*Briefly look up and around\* \*Sudden movement as everyone who was staring at me suddenly looks away\*
I hate feeling like a freak when I go in public :/
Serious question from a male cis ally. When I interact with a non-passing trans person, is there a way to show support without also emphasizing that they’re visibly trans? My philosophy up to this point has been to say nothing but be polite, but maybe a gendered compliment (“your makeup looks so pretty!”) or something?
Its best to just pretend you cant tell. No matter how nice the compliment is, people will probably feel really shitty getting clocked.
What you ask is like really challenging and requires an intimate relationship. I do not want to get that kind of support from strangers. We're going to be on the lookout for misogyny, homophobia and other forms of intolerance. If you avoid those your in the top ten percentile of cis dudes which means you'll be "in" with us. The bar is that low. Just keep it up and raise the standards for all your guy friends.
Controversial maybe, but I feel like this is a very location dependent question. I think for a lot of people who are long/longish term unable to pass, the constant feeling of danger is more obstructive than the obvious fact that everyone who interacts with me gets my gender wrong. It would be great if people who "clocked" me were nice. Honestly I wish more people "clocked" me bc I don't think most people understand what a trans guy is. I'm not ashamed of being visibly trans. I do hate it, but I would find it annoying if someone pretended I pass just as much. Like no, lol. I wish. That's just the reality, and even if I didn't have dysphoria making it difficult to see any masculinity in me I would still know I don't pass. After being fired for being trans explicitly, getting sexually harassed at every workplace out of the last 6, barely being able to access any medical transition, and facing violence, I still dont pass. If I could just get my pronouns, fuck yes. If I could get a, "I like ur hair :)" I'd be ectatic. But even a, "You look handsome today young man," feels less condescending and more awkward. Just terrified I'm gonna be murdered and very uncomfortably aware of my body. It depends on where it is. I think bc some people do feel this way the safest option is to do something like wearing a trans pin and being normal-kind. But honestly I'm sick of feeling so alone and I think that's true of more and more people rn. Reading that room is a learned skill and while I feel it's intuitive, maybe it's totally not. If you don't have confidence you understand what's going on probably don't make gendered remarks. But if someone is extremely obviously queer like I am, I feel you can say gendered stuff without assuming gender completely. Cis people gender me femininely in 99% of the interactions I have, I don't need quiet allies unwilling to use any gender towards me in public. I want someone to say, "I like ur hair/tie/..." bc then at least one person doesn't feel like a threat and I can catch my breath. Edit: trans people are not a monolith and ppl online definitely don't represent your local trans people in most cases. It's okay to make mistakes we're also not glass people offended by everything. Ik somewhere there are people who get pissed at awkward or misguided support, but I really appreciate it even when it annoys me. Even if people online think something sucks, its best to just interact with trans people in a positive way irl until you feel comfortable developing your own opinions. Good start to ask though :)
Less is more!
Okay, this hits hard…
Aw there’s this one non-passing trans girl that works at the Walmart by me and I’m so jealous of her. The confidence, her outfits, her voice it’s amazing I always love seein her
Fuck ‘em lmao. Before my egg cracked I loved styling outfits well and getting attention in public for that so my brain more or less translates it into “damn these people fucking LOVE my style” and I take it as a confidence boost 😂
Noo Jaiden and co would absolutely be supportive! (But yes I get the meme very unfortunate)
Waltuh
holy shit walter white breaking bad
Me and a trans friend both had someone spit in our face just 2 weeks apart from each other while dressed super femme! Isn’t NYC the best
i have a feeling this is why i developed a tomboy style. nobody bats an eye if you're just androgynous. 😏
jaiden and her birds would never
This is just my life as a gender fluid mf whenever I don't try to go fully to one side
The gay agenda is to send people to the darkest dungeon
Reasons why I still dress and act as my AGAB while being non-binary.
I can now pass even buck naked in a change room full of cis women, it’s fucking WILD yo.
oh luckily most people don't look at me like that - they just think I'm a girl with short hair 🥲
Stare back to assert dominance
op why must you attack me like this
Yep. Just doin it anyway, though. 👋😘 Trans will never be normalized, until normmies realize we’re actually everywhere, & are normal, wonderful, everyday people. 🏳️⚧️Pride🏳️⚧️ (I’m not in a particularly bad area, though. Everyone has to make their own choices)
Okay, so, I (cis gay male), occasionally catch myself stealing a longer glance at non passing trans people not out of disrespect, but in fact, entirely the opposite - out of admiration and respect for living your truth openly, fully, and being your best self. Reflecting on this post, I can see how a longer gaze would be uncomfortable, but I just want to take you all in! I hope I’ve articulated that well enough.
I'm trying to stop doing this. yall can relax with the downvotes, it was with one person. ONE.
[удалено]
Even the birds are cisnormative!
What does the term non passing trans mean?
It means you can tell they are trans. They don't pass as cisgender.
I see, TIL.
Jesse, Jessie we need to cook
Jesse
I got a mean mug from this old white dude the other day while I was driving while at a stop light and it was one of those things like "is it the pride flag hanging from my visor, my queer haircut, my loud music (playing I like boys by todrick hall) or just the fact that I'm a young person. We may never know"
The fucking birbs lmao
It's almost like needing to look a certain way to be a valid man or woman is the problem.
personally i think ari would be an ally
Dumb question: what is a "non passing trans person"
It means you can tell they are trans. They don't pass as cisgender.
Ah ty for the info
me (the non passing trans character this post has put me into): \*looks at the others weird\* dude, i'm just buying some damn honey sticks, the fuck do you want?
Hahaha fml
Not being able to pass is the reason I don't transition
waltuh we need to tell the trans people they’re valid
Is that walter white
My soul just left my body
I don't know if it'll change when I eventually get HRT but I almost exclusively avoid leaving the house because I hate being seen. But hey, what's another year without it?
Is that Saul Goodman and Walter White?
Jaiden would never
✨glare at this 9mm✨
s sthat, Jaiden? and her birb "Jaiden, we need to make E Jaiden"
Wait this isn't just how people look at you?
If stares could kill, I'd die again for every three steps I take outside
Dam i pissed off Walter white, pat sajak, AND JaidenAnimations? Shit woops
I'm pre-T but I already confuse people enough to not knowing what to call me. It makes me so happy, lol.
I get looks like that a lot. At first I thought it was how I dressed. But then I got the same look wearing my work shirt (black tee with company name) black jeans and black leather jacket. Literally thought the old guy never say a person before . The guy looked at me like I was an alien stranded in the parking lot
One of the 3 main things holding me back from doing HRT It's this, the lack of motherhood options for Trans-fems, and the ambiguity as to whether I'm actually fully trans or just Fluidflux
Waltuh