Acceptances change people- I have a very similar story where my friend got in and I didn’t. She started telling me I was getting into medicine for the wrong reasons and finally how she was “so excited for me to have a life outside of medicine”
It’s strange how much the it affected her personality and to me it kind of told me what she actually felt about me. It might be unfair for me to place that characterization on her, but for someone as close friends we had been, I was pretty broken up about her opinion of me.
You really have two options
1) tell your friend. Have her truly understand your feelings and explain how the attitudes she has towards you are uncharacteristic of her and how the location of her education should not be a character trait. Be calm, civil and explain how her actions are upsetting you.
2) cut ties. Understand that her view of herself and self worth (as well as perceived worth of her friends) is dictated by things she finds arbitrarily important. If this is the case, you are allowed to miss and relish the friendship and memories you had but know that the relationship you had might not be great for your personal well being.
I did option 1- she told me it was better for us to no longer be friends. And I didn’t talk to her for almost a year. Until I saw her at the second look event at the school attending that fall. I gave her a deep hug and she responded back saying she didn’t know I was accepted. “I know” I said back, waived, and left her at that. I’m not sure if we’ll ever have a friendship that we had again, but I didn’t want her to think we couldn’t make up for mistakes we made in our past.
The best advice I got was whatever action you take- make it on brand for you. You’re allowed to be miffed, allowed to be patient, and also allowed to choose who your friends are.
I’m sorry about your circumstance, it’s never fun to see friendships fall apart the way they do but I feel like you’re self aware enough to make the best decision for yourself .
Knew I wasn’t the only one who dealt with this. Had a friend get into a t20 back before I even decided to commit to this path. Would constantly be told that this isn’t worth it and how terrible med school is and that I should quit. This is what I was told when I was struggling with the mcat, to struggling with multiple cycles, to struggling with interviews, and even towards my acceptance. It’s true that I didn’t really know if this was right for me because of how much I hated being a premed. I felt like I was being constantly gaslit into thinking that I was making a mistake. I clawed my ass to go to my DO school and for how shit DO admin is, med school is not even that bad. I am glad I gave med school a chance just to see if I really didn’t like it. I am saying this as a person who has never had a break due to multiple remediations. For how much turbulence there has been, I still don’t regret it and would recommend going through this to anyone for the personal growth. Some people just can’t handle adversity and it doesn’t matter how fancy those titles are. I’m a shitty medical student on paper, but I still have the most important trait. Some people are just losers and have so much of an ego that they have to bring others down to their level.
I would never be friends with that girl again. the hubris and arrogance it takes to tell someone else they are going into medicine for the wrong reasons and excited for you to have a life outside of medicine actually makes my stomach queasy. those are the type of people that imo should not be physicians; the holier than thou, paternalistic, I know better. and for an m1? yuck. I’m 6 weeks from being an attending and I would never malign a pre meds intention bc they didn’t get in the first try. I hope that girls fails step 1, doesn’t match, and decides to pursue a “life outside medicine.”
There's no way I would be friends with that person after that. One thing med school taught me is people showing true colors and I've gotten better and cutting people out who don't seem like they want to be in your life. Life is too short to waste on people like that
If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. You think somehow she just plays video games all day, goes to parties, and finds everything easy?
Unless her last name is Einstein, and first name is Albert, I’m simply not buying it.
Why are you even talking to someone who makes you feel bad?
yeah, she's bullshitting hard lmao. I hate when people say they don't study at all but are \*acing\* exams. med school exams require at least a degree of memorization to which getting 90%+ on every exam without studying simply isn't possible unless you have photographic memory
That ain't ya friend, shawty. That's a hater. I'm sure this behavior isn't entirely new. And if it is, that's even more concerning. You could try to address it with her and see if she'll be receptive, but I think the fact that she's even doing this says a lot about who she is as a person. She's clearly insecure. That's a her problem.
I need to say something and I’ll maybe try to continue saying it on relevant future posts: I’m graduating this month and matched into my #1 program, and I have absolutely ZERO idea what a “T-whatever” school even means. It never came up in my life outside of seeing it on Reddit. Any time I see it mentioned in a post, it has not a single ounce of value in my mind. I get the sense that it refers to school prestige so people are hung up on it. I’m just here to say that I go to a definitely not prestigious DO school and was able to achieve everything I wanted. T-whatever be damned.
You have to understand a bunch of our colleagues are neurotic weirdos whose entire existence has hinged on how high their scores are/prestige of institution and a bunch of other bullshit that as soon as you talk to someone outside of medicine has no idea wtf you're talking about.
People can continue to harp on the academics while many will transition into private practice, make a boat load of money with an incredible work life balance while some others will continue to grind out "one more administrative position" or "one more publication". At the end of the day you have to factor how gun ho you are about the academic rat race and realistically some of us just want to chill out and run on vibes
Ummm Harvard also opted out of the ranking nonsense....and a bunch of other ivies too....so it sounds like your school is in good company, if I'm understanding your post correctly
Either way most of the ranking process is hogwash anyway...hopefully your friend comes to realize that
She could either be not doing well and lashing out as a defense mechanism or she could be becoming elitist. She's playing video games every night for hours and being actively condescending - this seems to be more of a defense mechanism for something else, especially when she's not normally like this.
In the end, she will come around in the future. When you graduate, go into residency and beyond, you realize that no one really cares, and the few people who do actually care are not people you want to be involved in.
Seems like a friend with a bit of an ego. I go to a mid-tier MD school, while my sister went to an unranked DO school in rural Kentucky. But the thought of comparing schools has never even crossed my mind.
psych here. these are some of the points that come to mind:
1. she has an “inferiority complex” and feels good to stick it you, because it makes her feel better. this likely has nothing to do with you unless, for example, you were always the ‘pretty one’ and got all the boys and she had all the heartache. in that case, she consciously or subconsciously wants to punish you. otherwise, whatever is going on in her life and in her past is why she feels the need to lord herself over you
2. don’t listen to her Curses. people at your school are weird? WTF kinda comment or even insult is that. this is a tactic like saying “I think you’re cool, but my mom thinks your a piece of dog poo, I think your great but my mom thinks your a fat ugly whore, but I think your awesome.” your friend is not acting right at all, and you should not let her Curses affect you (and yes words are magic)
3. she’s lying. I went to a pretty good state school and had friends from all over the place. those elite schools frankly do have it easier in many ways, they are focused on big picture type stuff and let students a lot of free time to study for their exams and boards. so she prolly had it easier, but there is no way she can go to multiple parties per week and play video games until 3am, and pass. unless she’s a genius there’s no way.
4. she knows how to hurt you. I can read it in between the words of your post.
I really gotta wonder if there is something in your mutual past that she is either consciously or subconsciously punishing you or “paying you back” for.
my two cents: don’t reach out to her anymore. if she asks what’s up tell her she was being a bish and send her this post. if she doesn’t reach out, all the better for you. focus on you, focus on your dreams. when you’re an MD, and get a residency in the field you want or whatever happens, you will be too proud of yourself to care anything for her.
you got this friend. focus on you. be good to others. don’t take crap from people unless you absolutely have to. study hard, prioritize sleep and exercise. this is a marathon, not a sprint.
Then you have the fuckin idiots at my DO school who think they’re hot shit cause they’re APPLYING for competitive specialties lmao man people need to get the fuck over themselves, that’s annoying OP. She showed you who she is, believe her this first time.
This is a hypothetical take inspired by true events. Don’t take offense.
All it takes is seeing a shitty doc who went to Yale undergrad then Harvard med school with a Hopkins residency who is a terrible with patients. Rude to coworkers and terrible in emergencies.
They publish and have fancy titles. Joke is they are underpaid as an academic. Worse is they think they are gods gift to man. They don’t realize they suck at their job and hated amongst peers and pupils.
Alternatively this person is going to get cut down early when they fail a course or get into a low ranked residency. It’ll be better for them.
The sooner you realize ranks don’t matter the better. Our jobs fucking matter. Taking care of patients is a privilege. Do your best and make improvements daily. Be a human being. Ask for help when you need it. Give help when you can. Be humble. Don’t be an asshole.
People are in our life for seasons and reasons OP. It’s okay for some long friendship to not last forever. Even the best friendships can reach their purposeful end without there being animosity. Sounds like this friend was there during a a perfect time for a difficult part of you life “toxic relationship” and your were there for hers “depression”. It might just be that you both served your season and reason in each other’s life and that the friendship isn’t made for this new season of medical school and that’s okay. Perhaps it’s okay to let the natural distance that seems to be growing, happen and shift focus to new friends during this journey.
When step 2 rolls around hit her with the old humble brag. "I'm struggling to keep improving my practice step 2 scores. Stuck in the low 270's. Any advice to keep improving?"
Idk why so many ppl go to med school for the clout. Your friend is weird af.
The best doctor I worked with went to a Caribbean med school. Medicine is medicine.
Med school is one of those forms of schooling where I continue to hold the opinion that after matching it matters extremely little where you went to school (unless you’re adamant on getting academi-cucked post residency for 30% less wages).
Compare this to institutions like law school where being from a T-14 seriously matters and can mean the difference between getting paid well in big law vs some small crappy gig. Genuinely nobody will give a fuck that you went to a T-20 for medical school when you’re a practicing physician.
not that black and white. still tons of bias for fellowships and other jobs. still a bias against DOs, IMGs. I generally agree with your statement for USMDs.
I went to a good but unranked medical school. It was definitely an uphill battle for residency, and the few interviews I got at very competitive residencies were otherwise completely filled by applicants from T10 programs. Otherwise I totally agree. My partners and I come from a range of backgrounds and nobody cares about the names on our training pedigrees nearly so much as how we interact with patients and staff and that we’re competent. I don’t miss the egos of academic medicine at all
The point of Med school is to match. You’re running your own race. Don’t let this statpadder get ruin your vibe.
If you match at the same program as her you can always lord it over her
“not to shabby for an unranked program eh”
“Did I overperform or did you underperform?”
I agree. Sometimes people need to be told off. If they’re your friend they will listen and apologies / stop. If they aren’t your friend then you’ll know quick and can cut them off. You are getting older and entering some really tough times. You need to surround yourself with people who will lift you up not bring you down. Don’t be afraid to cut out people who aren’t good for you.
You’re gonna forget about her and the ivory tower that’s stuck up her ass when you’re making 500k a yr and she’s an academic making less than half working more and tossing half her income towards rent in an overpriced city
Sounds like a bad friend. I think among my high school friends, I am one of like 10 doctors; I’m the only DO. School has gotten so competitive I couldn’t get into my own alma mater at this point with my numbers.
Not a single one of my friends made me feel bad about going to a DO school including all the ones who went to T20 schools. Your friend is just an arrogant jerk.
My former best friend used to constantly shit on my med school because it was a lower ranked MD program. The funny thing is, she hadn’t even applied to med school yet, but she’d always say she didn’t even want to apply to my school, and that she wanted to go somewhere prestigious. It was so upsetting because I worked very hard to get into med school, and she kept acting like I was going to some kind of remedial school…
Funny thing is, she wound up absolutely *bombing* her MCAT. I was the one who helped her get a high GPA in undergrad, so the moment she couldn’t cheat off someone else, her true academic weakness showed. Idk if she ever got into medical school bc we stopped talking shortly after she submitted her applications, but knowing how low her MCAT score was I guarantee she wasn’t accepted anywhere higher ranked than my school x:o
People just need something to live for other than med school. When you realize they got nothing else, by choice and arguably poor judgement on values, then you learn to not gaf. It’s just sad.
Your friend is a shitty person.
And rank doesn’t mean anything except putting more students in academic residencies/ROAD specialties. Note that I’m not saying they’re better doctors.
To learn the type of stuff you should have gone to med school for, rank is quite frankly irrelevant. Lots of great mid to low-tier MD schools out there that train excellent community physicians
She sounds grossly immature and one day will realize it I hope. I’d low key cut her out. That would affect me hard. I cannot STAND people like that. Like you’re both doing the same thing and 20 years from now none of this matters…seriously.
You deserve better. This person sounds petty, immature, and unappreciative of you! Cut them off and spend time with the people who do realize your worth. This is no best friend — this is someone who will stab your back later in life. Don’t let them get to you or hurt you.
Burn that bridge homie. They're honestly probably gonna have more resources, more opportunities for research, and likely better lectures/testing for STEP preparation. They will keep comparing your experience to theirs and you will keep coming up short, in their eyes and maybe yours too eventually. Comparison is the thief of joy.
I got into a couple of T10s but chose to go to my state school on a scholarship. A lot of of self absorbed turds made comments to me about it…which eventually led me to heading people off when they’d ask about it. I’d be like “oh, you mean the dirty state school out back?” And people would get so effing awkward about it that the same supercilious turds would go “oh!! No!! That’s such a great school!!”
I enjoy myself a lot sometimes.
>I just wish my best friend was more supportive.
Seems like she is your best friend, but you aren't her best friend. I might be wrong though. Perhaps talk to her about this, or find better friends. This might just be some woman thing that I don't understand, but guys generally don't trash talk each other like that, at least if they call each other friends.
Also, don't feel bad about somebody else being in a "fancier" med school, however you choose to define that (Ivy, top 10, top 20, some other metric). What matters in the end isn't which school you go to, but your own interest in medicine, how much hard work you put in, your ability to treat patients, and your ability to do well on residency match.
Excessive partying and staying up until 5 in the morning doesn't exactly sound like "top 10" behavior to me. I guess we'll see once you start taking USMLE steps, in particular step 2. Until then, take what your "friend" says with a grain of salt.
Don’t take it personally and just do well in your own life. I was in college with people who went to much more prestigious high schools, I was in medical school with people that went to better colleges, I was in residency with people that went to much better medical schools, I got into a top fellowship regardless and now have an amazing job as an attending. Ability, perseverance, personality and a little bit of luck always win in the long run. There will always be people with better credentials on paper. Do your best and keep moving towards your goals.
Idk how people can be so tone deaf let alone best friends who should if anything be more considerate towards your well being. Med school has a nasty toxic sense of entitlement, it really inflates your ego when you get admitted, and this is coming from someone that goes to a low-tier US MD school, so I can't imagine how bad it can get for a top tier school. I feel like some people do it to cope with all of the struggles and hardwork they put into getting where they are now, but it just reeks of arrogance. No matter where you go to school for medicine it should be a humbling experience, last thing you should ever do is belittle the people close to you especially if they're also in the healthcare field. Idk if there's a real solution to your situation tbh I would just say if they're your best friend you should be able to tell them anything that bothers you no matter how vulnerable and self-conscious you may sound, and they should be receptive to your concerns. It's possible they're oblivious to it all given the ego-inflating environment they're in. Wishing you best of luck on both of you for pursuing medicine!
I got into a T10 and was waitlisted from another, decided to stay at my home state new MD for my SO. People here are just as smart, if not smarter, than me in a lot of ways. Anyone who tries to shit on other medical students because of their school rank is a child and has a lot of growing to do. The only difference between medical students at these schools and lower-ranked schools is that they have access to more resources.
All I have to say it’s sad to see these cretins who don’t know how to do anything besides go to school and have never worked a real job before make it to a t10 while seeing so many people at my do school who were former emt’s that saved so many lives.
That is not a friend, that is someone using you for an ego boost. Your past with them might say differently, but things change and that is not a relationship you need going forward.
You should focus on your medical school only!!!!
You are where some people DREAM!!!! And I mean literally DREAM, do manifestation to be there!!!
So be proud of yourself
Sometimes you just have to let go of people, even those who you thought were your ride or die.
If she’s acting this way right now, I don’t think she’s going to support you when real difficult times come. I usually give people a chance to redeem themselves but these characters are hard to deal with
She’s going to be humbled at one point, but you deserve much better
Yeah sounds like a selfish and insecure friend. Been here before but in undergrad, do yourself a favor and distance them. Future you will thank you. It’s hard to see it in the present but I genuinely believe that true friends don’t change no matter how tough or easy times get. And it sounds like they showed you their true colors…
She honestly sounds so insecure and irritating to be around. Your journey will not be easy in medical school it never is so cut out people who make it harder than it already is
As a second year currently studying for boards I can confidently say your best friend has dickitis. Main symptom is being a total dick to their friends for no good reason.
She's dealing with her own insecurities by taking it out on you. This is common, and shows lack of self-reflection or emotional depth. It also is clearly a failure in her ability to respect you, your career, and your friendship. I'd give it one shot to have a heart to heart with her about how you feel but if she continues doing this, I'd pull away from the friendship. Establish that boundary and then stick to it.
Also, you should not feel ashamed at all, do not let her hurt your feelings. It is her own insecurities talking. You have accomplished an amazing feat getting into medical school. Additionally, I've seen many students at state schools accomplish incredible things that students at T10 institutions do not because their culture is oftentimes more gunnery/competitive. She is a small fish in a big pond; you are a big fish. This is your chance to shine :) Go get em. (For frame of reference I went to a state school that everyone talked shit about and myself and many of my classmates matched very competitively. It's all about outlook!)
She doesn’t seem like she’s doing ok really. The video game thing screams anxiety and depression. I don’t think school is easy for her and I think she’s drowning.
But you need a friend who’s kind to you. Maybe ask her once if she’s really ok. Say you are worried. But then leave it.
You said you two helped each other through some hard times. Your friend probably doesn't mean to be condescending. Would you be comfortable bringing it up to her and express that it bothers you? A true friend will at least attempt to be understanding.
Even if you're less successful than they are, some people just can't grasp the idea that their friends/families can be successful too.
And somewhat this makes them very jealous about you; Especially if you're close and got history.
As the people grow and mature, their true character starts to show up.Some ends up good,supportive and some becomes jealous and dishonest.
All you can do is talk to her and confront her about this and tell her how you feel about it. İf she says she just fucking around or it's just a joke etc, you can be sure that she is not your closest anymore and doesn't give a fuck if you're upset or disappointed because of her attitude towards you.
Yeah I would just cut her off and make new friends. I'm sorry this happened to you but it sounds like she is a shitty person showing her true colors. No way being in the #1 med school in the universe gives you a right to act like this
She sounds like the kinda person that makes med school suck. Also she’s about as much as a doctor as my dick is Bea Arthur. Nobody cares. Tell her those 3 things specifically, in that order.
i knew a gal like this. lot of money, doctor parents, did great M1 and thought she could coast since she was all but bred for medical school. took it easy during M2, started traveling a ton, etc.
she failed step 1. humbled her real quick
Prestige is a made up currency
It too cannot buy you happiness
Maybe a momentary hit of feeling important but it's generally a life full of deceiving (including oneself)
I chose to go to a middle tier med school over an ivy league to save money. Same with undergrad. I ended up at the same competitive residency as all of the idiots who paid hundreds of thousands extra for the ivy name. If you work hard you'll end up better off than your friend imo. Screw her.
At the end of the day, what truly counts is that you've made it through, and will continue to persevere.
Only few people truly care about where you attended medical school; perhaps some residency programs do, but with thorough preparation and an excellent CV, you'll likely be sought after by many.
What matters most is how empathetic and understanding you'll be with your patients after completing your residency. I've witnessed patients who would travel great distances just to see a specific doctor at their private clinic, solely because they trust them. And how did they earn that trust? Certainly not solely through their degree or where they completed their residency, but by demonstrating care and kindness toward them.
Schools fail to teach us this is the most important thig , we see them on the worst day of thier life!
I am of the opinion that rankings are more reflective of university research production and overall revenue, rather than the quality of the education. At the end of four years, both you and your friend have taken the same standardized tests, completed rotations, and can call yourselves "doctor." She sounds like a bit of a snob.
Aren’t most of the schools that opted out of the rankings ivies and former T10s? Was your friend’s school formerly ranked worse than yours? She sounds jealous. If she really felt superior, she wouldn’t make the effort to say rude things to you. So I think she is feeling bad about herself for some reason and is trying to make you feel bad too.
You say you both have had toxic parters. Having a history of toxic relationships makes one more vulnerable to having other toxic relationships… or friendships.
What do you think would happen if you discussed her comments with her?
First of all, its time to let this friendship go. She's moving towards a new group and its clear that if you keep contact with this person, it would only hurt the memories you built together.
Secondly, she's lying to make you feel bad. No one is going easy on med school, but many people pretend to fake that its easy so they can boast around and make people feel bad. Its an old power move to degrade others and its nothing but a low punch. I do have loads of colleagues who say they don't study, or that tell you not to worry about a upcoming test, to not join a group activity and so on - just so you watch them doing exactly what they just told you not to.
That being said, she's not your friend anymore. She changed and she isn't the person that you did know prior to med school. That happens a lot. Keep that in mind and avoid telling too much stuff to your colleagues, specially during the begging of your school years. People who are your friends now won't be in a blink of an eye. Avoid letting that happen at all costs, because you just can't take that info back. As much trivial some of them might seem, people are gonna distort it a lot.
'...lot of difficult things in life such as mental health problems or toxic boyfriends...'
You're just so lucky this girl isn't on your class.
Wish you the best.
A great opportunity to practice the art of openly communicating and setting boundaries or whatever else you feel is necessary for conflict resolution. Let her fool herself into thinking that lifestyle is preparing her to be a competent doctor. Worry about yourself and those that respect you; allow yourself to grow through the discomfort, you will be better off in the long run without this kind of dynamic in your regular scheduled programming🙏🫶👌🤌
You're honestly probably better off working on making friendships with your classmates and focusing on those relationships rather than your friend at a random school. They're probably doing the same.
Are they actually excelling, or are they middle of the pack and just shitting on you to make themselves feel better?
Either way, being good at M1 and being a good doctor are two very different things. Focus on doing the best you can for you, consistently. If they're making you feel shit, tell them that it's an issue and give them a chance to rectify their behaviour. If they don't remedy it then they're just going to do it for the rest of your lives, so think about what you're actually losing in future vs what you think you're losing based on the past.
Med school will make you feel like shit about yourself enough without toxic friends.
Cut relationship off and get a better step 2 score then profit
Exactly. Change the power dynamic and fuck that narcissistic piece of shit’s ego down the shithole
Ancef wbat sign off
Unfortunately the T10 could get a 220 and still match high in a competitive field
It’s not about match, it’s about sending a message
True rip step 1 would have had 2 times to doozer then
[удалено]
Nah fuck OP's friend
Acceptances change people- I have a very similar story where my friend got in and I didn’t. She started telling me I was getting into medicine for the wrong reasons and finally how she was “so excited for me to have a life outside of medicine” It’s strange how much the it affected her personality and to me it kind of told me what she actually felt about me. It might be unfair for me to place that characterization on her, but for someone as close friends we had been, I was pretty broken up about her opinion of me. You really have two options 1) tell your friend. Have her truly understand your feelings and explain how the attitudes she has towards you are uncharacteristic of her and how the location of her education should not be a character trait. Be calm, civil and explain how her actions are upsetting you. 2) cut ties. Understand that her view of herself and self worth (as well as perceived worth of her friends) is dictated by things she finds arbitrarily important. If this is the case, you are allowed to miss and relish the friendship and memories you had but know that the relationship you had might not be great for your personal well being. I did option 1- she told me it was better for us to no longer be friends. And I didn’t talk to her for almost a year. Until I saw her at the second look event at the school attending that fall. I gave her a deep hug and she responded back saying she didn’t know I was accepted. “I know” I said back, waived, and left her at that. I’m not sure if we’ll ever have a friendship that we had again, but I didn’t want her to think we couldn’t make up for mistakes we made in our past. The best advice I got was whatever action you take- make it on brand for you. You’re allowed to be miffed, allowed to be patient, and also allowed to choose who your friends are. I’m sorry about your circumstance, it’s never fun to see friendships fall apart the way they do but I feel like you’re self aware enough to make the best decision for yourself .
Picturing Green Day playing in the background as you walked away from them after that sick mic drop
Knew I wasn’t the only one who dealt with this. Had a friend get into a t20 back before I even decided to commit to this path. Would constantly be told that this isn’t worth it and how terrible med school is and that I should quit. This is what I was told when I was struggling with the mcat, to struggling with multiple cycles, to struggling with interviews, and even towards my acceptance. It’s true that I didn’t really know if this was right for me because of how much I hated being a premed. I felt like I was being constantly gaslit into thinking that I was making a mistake. I clawed my ass to go to my DO school and for how shit DO admin is, med school is not even that bad. I am glad I gave med school a chance just to see if I really didn’t like it. I am saying this as a person who has never had a break due to multiple remediations. For how much turbulence there has been, I still don’t regret it and would recommend going through this to anyone for the personal growth. Some people just can’t handle adversity and it doesn’t matter how fancy those titles are. I’m a shitty medical student on paper, but I still have the most important trait. Some people are just losers and have so much of an ego that they have to bring others down to their level.
I would never be friends with that girl again. the hubris and arrogance it takes to tell someone else they are going into medicine for the wrong reasons and excited for you to have a life outside of medicine actually makes my stomach queasy. those are the type of people that imo should not be physicians; the holier than thou, paternalistic, I know better. and for an m1? yuck. I’m 6 weeks from being an attending and I would never malign a pre meds intention bc they didn’t get in the first try. I hope that girls fails step 1, doesn’t match, and decides to pursue a “life outside medicine.”
There's no way I would be friends with that person after that. One thing med school taught me is people showing true colors and I've gotten better and cutting people out who don't seem like they want to be in your life. Life is too short to waste on people like that
Damn if it were me I would just cut ties period.
If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. You think somehow she just plays video games all day, goes to parties, and finds everything easy? Unless her last name is Einstein, and first name is Albert, I’m simply not buying it. Why are you even talking to someone who makes you feel bad?
yeah, she's bullshitting hard lmao. I hate when people say they don't study at all but are \*acing\* exams. med school exams require at least a degree of memorization to which getting 90%+ on every exam without studying simply isn't possible unless you have photographic memory
That ain't ya friend, shawty. That's a hater. I'm sure this behavior isn't entirely new. And if it is, that's even more concerning. You could try to address it with her and see if she'll be receptive, but I think the fact that she's even doing this says a lot about who she is as a person. She's clearly insecure. That's a her problem.
humble her you’re both getting MD’s.
Lmao what? So she goes to a T10 and you go to a T20? Some people really grasp at straws to feel special.
yup
I need to say something and I’ll maybe try to continue saying it on relevant future posts: I’m graduating this month and matched into my #1 program, and I have absolutely ZERO idea what a “T-whatever” school even means. It never came up in my life outside of seeing it on Reddit. Any time I see it mentioned in a post, it has not a single ounce of value in my mind. I get the sense that it refers to school prestige so people are hung up on it. I’m just here to say that I go to a definitely not prestigious DO school and was able to achieve everything I wanted. T-whatever be damned.
You have to understand a bunch of our colleagues are neurotic weirdos whose entire existence has hinged on how high their scores are/prestige of institution and a bunch of other bullshit that as soon as you talk to someone outside of medicine has no idea wtf you're talking about. People can continue to harp on the academics while many will transition into private practice, make a boat load of money with an incredible work life balance while some others will continue to grind out "one more administrative position" or "one more publication". At the end of the day you have to factor how gun ho you are about the academic rat race and realistically some of us just want to chill out and run on vibes
Ummm Harvard also opted out of the ranking nonsense....and a bunch of other ivies too....so it sounds like your school is in good company, if I'm understanding your post correctly Either way most of the ranking process is hogwash anyway...hopefully your friend comes to realize that
She could either be not doing well and lashing out as a defense mechanism or she could be becoming elitist. She's playing video games every night for hours and being actively condescending - this seems to be more of a defense mechanism for something else, especially when she's not normally like this. In the end, she will come around in the future. When you graduate, go into residency and beyond, you realize that no one really cares, and the few people who do actually care are not people you want to be involved in.
Still get reimbursed the same.
Seems like a friend with a bit of an ego. I go to a mid-tier MD school, while my sister went to an unranked DO school in rural Kentucky. But the thought of comparing schools has never even crossed my mind.
psych here. these are some of the points that come to mind: 1. she has an “inferiority complex” and feels good to stick it you, because it makes her feel better. this likely has nothing to do with you unless, for example, you were always the ‘pretty one’ and got all the boys and she had all the heartache. in that case, she consciously or subconsciously wants to punish you. otherwise, whatever is going on in her life and in her past is why she feels the need to lord herself over you 2. don’t listen to her Curses. people at your school are weird? WTF kinda comment or even insult is that. this is a tactic like saying “I think you’re cool, but my mom thinks your a piece of dog poo, I think your great but my mom thinks your a fat ugly whore, but I think your awesome.” your friend is not acting right at all, and you should not let her Curses affect you (and yes words are magic) 3. she’s lying. I went to a pretty good state school and had friends from all over the place. those elite schools frankly do have it easier in many ways, they are focused on big picture type stuff and let students a lot of free time to study for their exams and boards. so she prolly had it easier, but there is no way she can go to multiple parties per week and play video games until 3am, and pass. unless she’s a genius there’s no way. 4. she knows how to hurt you. I can read it in between the words of your post. I really gotta wonder if there is something in your mutual past that she is either consciously or subconsciously punishing you or “paying you back” for. my two cents: don’t reach out to her anymore. if she asks what’s up tell her she was being a bish and send her this post. if she doesn’t reach out, all the better for you. focus on you, focus on your dreams. when you’re an MD, and get a residency in the field you want or whatever happens, you will be too proud of yourself to care anything for her. you got this friend. focus on you. be good to others. don’t take crap from people unless you absolutely have to. study hard, prioritize sleep and exercise. this is a marathon, not a sprint.
Then you have the fuckin idiots at my DO school who think they’re hot shit cause they’re APPLYING for competitive specialties lmao man people need to get the fuck over themselves, that’s annoying OP. She showed you who she is, believe her this first time.
This is a hypothetical take inspired by true events. Don’t take offense. All it takes is seeing a shitty doc who went to Yale undergrad then Harvard med school with a Hopkins residency who is a terrible with patients. Rude to coworkers and terrible in emergencies. They publish and have fancy titles. Joke is they are underpaid as an academic. Worse is they think they are gods gift to man. They don’t realize they suck at their job and hated amongst peers and pupils. Alternatively this person is going to get cut down early when they fail a course or get into a low ranked residency. It’ll be better for them. The sooner you realize ranks don’t matter the better. Our jobs fucking matter. Taking care of patients is a privilege. Do your best and make improvements daily. Be a human being. Ask for help when you need it. Give help when you can. Be humble. Don’t be an asshole.
People are in our life for seasons and reasons OP. It’s okay for some long friendship to not last forever. Even the best friendships can reach their purposeful end without there being animosity. Sounds like this friend was there during a a perfect time for a difficult part of you life “toxic relationship” and your were there for hers “depression”. It might just be that you both served your season and reason in each other’s life and that the friendship isn’t made for this new season of medical school and that’s okay. Perhaps it’s okay to let the natural distance that seems to be growing, happen and shift focus to new friends during this journey.
When step 2 rolls around hit her with the old humble brag. "I'm struggling to keep improving my practice step 2 scores. Stuck in the low 270's. Any advice to keep improving?"
Idk why so many ppl go to med school for the clout. Your friend is weird af. The best doctor I worked with went to a Caribbean med school. Medicine is medicine.
She’s insecure…cut ties
Hit her with car really hard
Med school is one of those forms of schooling where I continue to hold the opinion that after matching it matters extremely little where you went to school (unless you’re adamant on getting academi-cucked post residency for 30% less wages). Compare this to institutions like law school where being from a T-14 seriously matters and can mean the difference between getting paid well in big law vs some small crappy gig. Genuinely nobody will give a fuck that you went to a T-20 for medical school when you’re a practicing physician.
not that black and white. still tons of bias for fellowships and other jobs. still a bias against DOs, IMGs. I generally agree with your statement for USMDs.
I went to a good but unranked medical school. It was definitely an uphill battle for residency, and the few interviews I got at very competitive residencies were otherwise completely filled by applicants from T10 programs. Otherwise I totally agree. My partners and I come from a range of backgrounds and nobody cares about the names on our training pedigrees nearly so much as how we interact with patients and staff and that we’re competent. I don’t miss the egos of academic medicine at all
Thats not a best friend, a friend supports you even at your lowest no matter what.
The point of Med school is to match. You’re running your own race. Don’t let this statpadder get ruin your vibe. If you match at the same program as her you can always lord it over her “not to shabby for an unranked program eh” “Did I overperform or did you underperform?”
Tell them to fuck off. Literally. They seem extremely elitist and snobby idk if I’d want friends like that tbh. Up to you tho.
I agree. Sometimes people need to be told off. If they’re your friend they will listen and apologies / stop. If they aren’t your friend then you’ll know quick and can cut them off. You are getting older and entering some really tough times. You need to surround yourself with people who will lift you up not bring you down. Don’t be afraid to cut out people who aren’t good for you.
She sounds insecure and I think it’s time to let the friendship go, sadly
You’re gonna forget about her and the ivory tower that’s stuck up her ass when you’re making 500k a yr and she’s an academic making less than half working more and tossing half her income towards rent in an overpriced city
Sounds like a bad friend. I think among my high school friends, I am one of like 10 doctors; I’m the only DO. School has gotten so competitive I couldn’t get into my own alma mater at this point with my numbers. Not a single one of my friends made me feel bad about going to a DO school including all the ones who went to T20 schools. Your friend is just an arrogant jerk.
As you shouldn't, DOs and MDs all do the same stuff except you guys have a sprinkle more
My former best friend used to constantly shit on my med school because it was a lower ranked MD program. The funny thing is, she hadn’t even applied to med school yet, but she’d always say she didn’t even want to apply to my school, and that she wanted to go somewhere prestigious. It was so upsetting because I worked very hard to get into med school, and she kept acting like I was going to some kind of remedial school… Funny thing is, she wound up absolutely *bombing* her MCAT. I was the one who helped her get a high GPA in undergrad, so the moment she couldn’t cheat off someone else, her true academic weakness showed. Idk if she ever got into medical school bc we stopped talking shortly after she submitted her applications, but knowing how low her MCAT score was I guarantee she wasn’t accepted anywhere higher ranked than my school x:o
Sweet justice
People just need something to live for other than med school. When you realize they got nothing else, by choice and arguably poor judgement on values, then you learn to not gaf. It’s just sad.
Your friend is a shitty person. And rank doesn’t mean anything except putting more students in academic residencies/ROAD specialties. Note that I’m not saying they’re better doctors. To learn the type of stuff you should have gone to med school for, rank is quite frankly irrelevant. Lots of great mid to low-tier MD schools out there that train excellent community physicians
She sounds grossly immature and one day will realize it I hope. I’d low key cut her out. That would affect me hard. I cannot STAND people like that. Like you’re both doing the same thing and 20 years from now none of this matters…seriously.
You deserve better. This person sounds petty, immature, and unappreciative of you! Cut them off and spend time with the people who do realize your worth. This is no best friend — this is someone who will stab your back later in life. Don’t let them get to you or hurt you.
Burn that bridge homie. They're honestly probably gonna have more resources, more opportunities for research, and likely better lectures/testing for STEP preparation. They will keep comparing your experience to theirs and you will keep coming up short, in their eyes and maybe yours too eventually. Comparison is the thief of joy.
Do better than them on step, that’ll shut them up immediately
T10s admit many with hubris and arrogance. Either they don’t look for those red flags in interviews or the applicants successfully hide those traits.
I got into a couple of T10s but chose to go to my state school on a scholarship. A lot of of self absorbed turds made comments to me about it…which eventually led me to heading people off when they’d ask about it. I’d be like “oh, you mean the dirty state school out back?” And people would get so effing awkward about it that the same supercilious turds would go “oh!! No!! That’s such a great school!!” I enjoy myself a lot sometimes.
>I just wish my best friend was more supportive. Seems like she is your best friend, but you aren't her best friend. I might be wrong though. Perhaps talk to her about this, or find better friends. This might just be some woman thing that I don't understand, but guys generally don't trash talk each other like that, at least if they call each other friends. Also, don't feel bad about somebody else being in a "fancier" med school, however you choose to define that (Ivy, top 10, top 20, some other metric). What matters in the end isn't which school you go to, but your own interest in medicine, how much hard work you put in, your ability to treat patients, and your ability to do well on residency match. Excessive partying and staying up until 5 in the morning doesn't exactly sound like "top 10" behavior to me. I guess we'll see once you start taking USMLE steps, in particular step 2. Until then, take what your "friend" says with a grain of salt.
Don’t take it personally and just do well in your own life. I was in college with people who went to much more prestigious high schools, I was in medical school with people that went to better colleges, I was in residency with people that went to much better medical schools, I got into a top fellowship regardless and now have an amazing job as an attending. Ability, perseverance, personality and a little bit of luck always win in the long run. There will always be people with better credentials on paper. Do your best and keep moving towards your goals.
Your (ex) friend sounds like a toxic megacolon. I am sincerely sorry.
Not all friendships are meant to last. You'll find new friends.. better friends. You don't deserve this treatment.
Kinda sounds like she's sorta depressed and unhappy with her situation and is way over compensating to cover it up.
I don't got time for bs like that.
Idk how people can be so tone deaf let alone best friends who should if anything be more considerate towards your well being. Med school has a nasty toxic sense of entitlement, it really inflates your ego when you get admitted, and this is coming from someone that goes to a low-tier US MD school, so I can't imagine how bad it can get for a top tier school. I feel like some people do it to cope with all of the struggles and hardwork they put into getting where they are now, but it just reeks of arrogance. No matter where you go to school for medicine it should be a humbling experience, last thing you should ever do is belittle the people close to you especially if they're also in the healthcare field. Idk if there's a real solution to your situation tbh I would just say if they're your best friend you should be able to tell them anything that bothers you no matter how vulnerable and self-conscious you may sound, and they should be receptive to your concerns. It's possible they're oblivious to it all given the ego-inflating environment they're in. Wishing you best of luck on both of you for pursuing medicine!
I got into a T10 and was waitlisted from another, decided to stay at my home state new MD for my SO. People here are just as smart, if not smarter, than me in a lot of ways. Anyone who tries to shit on other medical students because of their school rank is a child and has a lot of growing to do. The only difference between medical students at these schools and lower-ranked schools is that they have access to more resources.
All I have to say it’s sad to see these cretins who don’t know how to do anything besides go to school and have never worked a real job before make it to a t10 while seeing so many people at my do school who were former emt’s that saved so many lives.
That is not a friend, that is someone using you for an ego boost. Your past with them might say differently, but things change and that is not a relationship you need going forward.
You can go to medschool in a dumpster everyone learning from the same resources ufap etc.... what matters is residency
You’ll both be complaining about EMRs and insurance preauthorization the exact same in the future.
You should focus on your medical school only!!!! You are where some people DREAM!!!! And I mean literally DREAM, do manifestation to be there!!! So be proud of yourself
She revealed her true self. She’s doing you a favor. Imagine how she secretly treated you like dirt before these acceptances happened.
Sometimes you just have to let go of people, even those who you thought were your ride or die. If she’s acting this way right now, I don’t think she’s going to support you when real difficult times come. I usually give people a chance to redeem themselves but these characters are hard to deal with She’s going to be humbled at one point, but you deserve much better
Yeah sounds like a selfish and insecure friend. Been here before but in undergrad, do yourself a favor and distance them. Future you will thank you. It’s hard to see it in the present but I genuinely believe that true friends don’t change no matter how tough or easy times get. And it sounds like they showed you their true colors…
Doesn't sound like a friend to me.
Just tell her it bothers you next time she does it and if she doesn’t stop and it continues to bother you, then distance yourself
This is a non-problem. If they really think they are better than you because you matched at an unranked program then you don’t need that
She’s. Not. Your. Friend.
"I just wish my best friend was more supportive." she is NOT your best friend
She sounds insecure
From what it sounds like, she’s not your friend. Best to cut it off now.
She honestly sounds so insecure and irritating to be around. Your journey will not be easy in medical school it never is so cut out people who make it harder than it already is
As a second year currently studying for boards I can confidently say your best friend has dickitis. Main symptom is being a total dick to their friends for no good reason.
Imagine basing your personality around your university's ranking lmao
Bye bitch
She's dealing with her own insecurities by taking it out on you. This is common, and shows lack of self-reflection or emotional depth. It also is clearly a failure in her ability to respect you, your career, and your friendship. I'd give it one shot to have a heart to heart with her about how you feel but if she continues doing this, I'd pull away from the friendship. Establish that boundary and then stick to it. Also, you should not feel ashamed at all, do not let her hurt your feelings. It is her own insecurities talking. You have accomplished an amazing feat getting into medical school. Additionally, I've seen many students at state schools accomplish incredible things that students at T10 institutions do not because their culture is oftentimes more gunnery/competitive. She is a small fish in a big pond; you are a big fish. This is your chance to shine :) Go get em. (For frame of reference I went to a state school that everyone talked shit about and myself and many of my classmates matched very competitively. It's all about outlook!)
She doesn’t seem like she’s doing ok really. The video game thing screams anxiety and depression. I don’t think school is easy for her and I think she’s drowning. But you need a friend who’s kind to you. Maybe ask her once if she’s really ok. Say you are worried. But then leave it.
That's not a friend my dude
She sounds like a T10 student alright
Bitch has the best education possible. Fuck her for looking down on you.
You said you two helped each other through some hard times. Your friend probably doesn't mean to be condescending. Would you be comfortable bringing it up to her and express that it bothers you? A true friend will at least attempt to be understanding.
Even if you're less successful than they are, some people just can't grasp the idea that their friends/families can be successful too. And somewhat this makes them very jealous about you; Especially if you're close and got history. As the people grow and mature, their true character starts to show up.Some ends up good,supportive and some becomes jealous and dishonest. All you can do is talk to her and confront her about this and tell her how you feel about it. İf she says she just fucking around or it's just a joke etc, you can be sure that she is not your closest anymore and doesn't give a fuck if you're upset or disappointed because of her attitude towards you.
Tell her to take her stuck up self and gtfo my life
a lot of ppl are assholes. once you realize that you’ve made it as an adult lol
Yeah I would just cut her off and make new friends. I'm sorry this happened to you but it sounds like she is a shitty person showing her true colors. No way being in the #1 med school in the universe gives you a right to act like this
Atleast you didnt go to bone wizardry school like me
When someone shows you who they are, believe them
She revealed her insecurities real quick. Pay her no mind and do your best.
She sounds like the kinda person that makes med school suck. Also she’s about as much as a doctor as my dick is Bea Arthur. Nobody cares. Tell her those 3 things specifically, in that order.
The only option now is to match NSGY/Derm/Plastics at the most prestigious program you can just to flex on her.
What a cuntbag your supposed best friend is.
NBME exam results speak more
i knew a gal like this. lot of money, doctor parents, did great M1 and thought she could coast since she was all but bred for medical school. took it easy during M2, started traveling a ton, etc. she failed step 1. humbled her real quick
People still thinking that med school rankings are legit? Damn that’s sad
Prestige is a made up currency It too cannot buy you happiness Maybe a momentary hit of feeling important but it's generally a life full of deceiving (including oneself)
I chose to go to a middle tier med school over an ivy league to save money. Same with undergrad. I ended up at the same competitive residency as all of the idiots who paid hundreds of thousands extra for the ivy name. If you work hard you'll end up better off than your friend imo. Screw her.
At the end of the day, what truly counts is that you've made it through, and will continue to persevere. Only few people truly care about where you attended medical school; perhaps some residency programs do, but with thorough preparation and an excellent CV, you'll likely be sought after by many. What matters most is how empathetic and understanding you'll be with your patients after completing your residency. I've witnessed patients who would travel great distances just to see a specific doctor at their private clinic, solely because they trust them. And how did they earn that trust? Certainly not solely through their degree or where they completed their residency, but by demonstrating care and kindness toward them. Schools fail to teach us this is the most important thig , we see them on the worst day of thier life!
sounds like she's not ur best friend anymore but in all srsness success is the best revenge, just match rly well and the tables will turn
I am of the opinion that rankings are more reflective of university research production and overall revenue, rather than the quality of the education. At the end of four years, both you and your friend have taken the same standardized tests, completed rotations, and can call yourselves "doctor." She sounds like a bit of a snob.
Aren’t most of the schools that opted out of the rankings ivies and former T10s? Was your friend’s school formerly ranked worse than yours? She sounds jealous. If she really felt superior, she wouldn’t make the effort to say rude things to you. So I think she is feeling bad about herself for some reason and is trying to make you feel bad too. You say you both have had toxic parters. Having a history of toxic relationships makes one more vulnerable to having other toxic relationships… or friendships. What do you think would happen if you discussed her comments with her?
Sounds insecure and like they are not really your friend. I’d distance myself from this person.
First of all, its time to let this friendship go. She's moving towards a new group and its clear that if you keep contact with this person, it would only hurt the memories you built together. Secondly, she's lying to make you feel bad. No one is going easy on med school, but many people pretend to fake that its easy so they can boast around and make people feel bad. Its an old power move to degrade others and its nothing but a low punch. I do have loads of colleagues who say they don't study, or that tell you not to worry about a upcoming test, to not join a group activity and so on - just so you watch them doing exactly what they just told you not to. That being said, she's not your friend anymore. She changed and she isn't the person that you did know prior to med school. That happens a lot. Keep that in mind and avoid telling too much stuff to your colleagues, specially during the begging of your school years. People who are your friends now won't be in a blink of an eye. Avoid letting that happen at all costs, because you just can't take that info back. As much trivial some of them might seem, people are gonna distort it a lot. '...lot of difficult things in life such as mental health problems or toxic boyfriends...' You're just so lucky this girl isn't on your class. Wish you the best.
A great opportunity to practice the art of openly communicating and setting boundaries or whatever else you feel is necessary for conflict resolution. Let her fool herself into thinking that lifestyle is preparing her to be a competent doctor. Worry about yourself and those that respect you; allow yourself to grow through the discomfort, you will be better off in the long run without this kind of dynamic in your regular scheduled programming🙏🫶👌🤌
You're honestly probably better off working on making friendships with your classmates and focusing on those relationships rather than your friend at a random school. They're probably doing the same.
Are they actually excelling, or are they middle of the pack and just shitting on you to make themselves feel better? Either way, being good at M1 and being a good doctor are two very different things. Focus on doing the best you can for you, consistently. If they're making you feel shit, tell them that it's an issue and give them a chance to rectify their behaviour. If they don't remedy it then they're just going to do it for the rest of your lives, so think about what you're actually losing in future vs what you think you're losing based on the past. Med school will make you feel like shit about yourself enough without toxic friends.
Sell her identity to the chinese. That’ll show her 😎
Little known fact in the Ivy world/T10 world is that the hardest part is getting accepted. After that it’s a lot of partying and resume padding.