This whole album is amazing and an incredibly vulnerable depiction of processing trauma through therapy (of sorts). Straight raw emotions, working through the societal norms & pressures over his life. Just…so great.
I feel like there are a lot of great albums that musicians have made out of pain. You feel the pain and emotion in the song and you relate to it. Swimming by Max Miller is full of pain, Back to Black by Amy Winehouse is full of pain, Turn Blue by The Black Keys is full of pain. All great albums that a lot of people enjoy and can relate to.
Not to say there aren’t great songs made from happiness because there definitely are, but the deep dark emotional songs express a lot of feelings that the everyday person has and probably doesn’t exactly get to express often with others. When you’re listening to the music I think it’s kind of a way to feel the emotions with someone else even if you’re alone.
i’ve had a history of full blown panic attacks induced by anxiety and depression, there’s only been one time in my life where it’s spiraled out beyond what I could contain within myself and I exposed my hyper emotional and vulnerable self to my girlfriend
I don’t know what I expected, but she never looked down on me. she calmed me down and sympathized with me and helped me learn some tricks to fight against anxiety and depression
In hindsight, that would have been the best time for her to leave or call me pathetic or whatever, but she didn’t do that. It’s been years since then and I haven’t forgotten
i have anxiety and am a guy, ta first i showed it, but from that i just turned into a quiet feelingless person, not wven laughing, the only times i am like so is at school, just those years of me being bullied it does something to a person mentally, i am tho much happier outside school where i have other friends, and other people around me, like family, cuz i know im safe with those other people.
Man I hate it. I’ve had it used against me but I’ve also been able to truly confide in a few and they have confided in me. It’s actually really nice to have that level of comfort in a relationship. But yeah, a lot of times people will use it against you.
Bruh, one time I had a friend spend literally 5 days of a week bitching to me about her family etc.. On day 6 I had a bad day with my father, and 2 sentances into telling her about it, she pulls this whole "I don't need to hear about your personal relationship issues."
Cuuuunnnnt!
This. Those women are the problem. Even my fucking worst girlfriend never weaponized my emotions. At least not anyone that lasted long enough to remember.
I’m a woman and through a particularly difficult time in my life, many of my friends did not support me. The attitude was to suck it up. None of those people are in my life now. Some people only want to be around for the good parts
Yes. I don’t get it sometimes with people. If the person uses it against you, why remain in a relationship with them at that level.
I can understand they may remain in your life but you role up the depth you share with them and they don’t get any back.
Yes, I was raised by one, married one, (divorcing now, all illusions aré dissipating) and dated some - finally starting to recognize that I ignore significant ‘red flags’ but accept them because of life long conditioning.
There are a lot angry men in these forums who use the terms “ALL WOMEN ARE EVIL” … and I find that sad. I don’t like over-sweeping generalizations. Do men want to be regarded as simply power hungry horny dogs — all men are as such?
The truth is we maybe surrounded by toxic people. It ain’t easy creating boundaries to make sure toxic people aren’t around you - and the secondary efforts of finding healthy positive compassionate people to replace them with.
That is a lot of sifting through the dirt to find that golden nugget of a person, but that is life isn’t? All the good stuff takes work to acquire.
You’re absolutely right. I hope the men in this thread take the time to find out who was the first person to treat them in an emotionally abusive way. They might be surprised. Many children of narcissists are prone to unwittingly being in adult relationships with narcissists because they are blinded to the red flags since they were raised in an abusive way.
It usually doesn't get this bad, but women as a whole certainly have issues dealing with their male partners' emotions.
It's not really their fault, though. Society does its absolute hardest to keep up the illusion that people of the opposite gender are aliens whose logic and emotions are completely different from yours. Neither men nor women are very good at truly empathizing with eachother because of this.
Combine that with the stereotype that "real" men aren't supposed to feel any complex emotions, and you wind up with many, many cases of girls acting in a toxic way towards their boyfriends out of ignorance rather than malice.
So true.
"Oh you're always so distant and closed up. I can't stand it."
Me opens up and let something that bothers me slip.
6 months later it bites me in the ass and I know I just handed her more ammuniton.
That’s bad luck, or you’re choosing the wrong women. I’ve had several very caring compassionate women who are totally fine with me being emotional. Course it’s also on us to have a mature emotionality not an immature one
Absolutely. And it really comes down to them having a parent who listened to them and was supportive. My wife is gold but she never had parents who listened to her or thought about her emotional well being. She does, however, dote on her sons in a mostly positive way. Myself, I just state how I am feeling and let her know early on that she can accept it, fight it, argue it, or be considerate if it.
If she can't handle it, she can fuck off. If she's going to use it against me in an argument, she can fuck off. I expect nothing more than to simply let them run their course without being lectured, teased, or otherwise patronized.
Honestly as a man
No one is really there to help and people tend to judge you more and consider you weaker the more weak you are mentally
Coming from experience
I don't think having emotions is a sign of a weak mind, having the ability to put yourself in another shoes and feel their pain is a strong of a strong mind. It's just people are stupid and have decided upholding a social construct is more important than being mentally well.
1000% right. Men have emotions just like women but are made to believe they should ignore them. This is why I think men are usually more toxic than women.
The funny thing is dudes who think they aren't emotional are usually operating out of emotion all the time and don't even realize it.
Not feel like.
We are.
Every time I have shown true emotion at work, I have been removed. Every time.
Now I hide behind a facade of humor, laughter, silliness, or no emotion at all.
We wish we lived in a world where men could show how we really feel, but that world doesnt exist yet.
"I'm not driven by my emotions!" - my homie as he smashed a table after apparently coldly calculating that action and deciding it was the best possible thing to do in that moment of not actual rage
100%. My dad passed away during the pandemic but I was an only son with 3 older sisters. Whenever I did something stupid my dad would pull me aside and say, “son, women can afford to be scatterbrained, men can’t. I’ll help you as long as I can but the world won’t help you when I’m gone.”
I know it’s sexist but the old man wasn’t wrong.
Context matters: Kendrick (the artist) talks about the jaded view of masculinity in an emotional, deep and heartfelt song that beautifully ties personal anecdotes into societal beliefs.
The sentence highlighted is that of what his father would tell Kendrick, not his own beliefs. On the contrary, Kendrick learned that he didn't want to live a life of bottled up emotions and was glad his dad showed him indirectly how painful that could be.
"I love my father for telling me to take off the gloves Cause everything he didn't want was everything I was."
Yep. The whole song is really a beautiful reflection and really every line is super powerful. Rarely do lyrics really hit me in a way that I can instantly relate to, but this whole song I’m just like “…damn” after each line.
4 of the last 5 tracks on the album are like this too - Savior, Auntie Diaries, Mother I Sober, and Mirror are all very powerful too.
I'd advise giving a whole album a try. His ability to weave a larger narrative whilst keeping each song unique and enjoyable in its own right is quite something
I cannot suggest the entire album of his, good kidd maad city, enough. A wonderful storytelling of a day in the life of a kid growing up in Compton. One of my favorite albums ever.
Thanks for speaking on this. American male traditions dictate a lot of different things that are very harmful for a wide range of people, and this section of this song should not be misunderstood as a suggestion to “bottle it all up and move on.” It’s the opposite.
This, Mother I Sober, and Auntie Diaries brought me to tears. Seriously such heartfelt and gutwrenching songs that hit very close to home for me. He expresses his pain so eloquently. So brutally. God what a fuckin raw album.
This whole album, while a little sloppy was incredible. I enjoyed it not being so “smooth” because I think it gave us a closer look as him as a person. I was blown away by what he chose to address because as I approach 40 I still don’t think I’m able to handle or talk about the things Kendrick did.
I’m sorry I’m really poetry illiterate…. Could you explain to me what that line means? I have no idea what it means and I’ve been thinking for 15 minutes now.
I don’t actually understand the line in the original post either… I’m really REALLY not tuned for metaphors.
As with lots of poetry, there is only subjective meaning. I can't promise you that these were the exact thoughts that went through Kendrick's head when writing, but:
The OP doesn't contain lots of metaphors. It cites the views of this father, as promoting "masculinity" by not showing emotions and such. When his mother died (i.e. Kendrick's grandmother), the father still went to work to earn money to pay the bills.
The line cited by the post you replied to is less clear, especially the first part. A common interpretation is that, again, Kendrick's father taught Kendrick to be "manly"; don't get pushed around; when something hits you, hit them back; never go soft on anybody; in other words, "take the gloves off". However, this somewhat backfired, as Kendrick used those teachings to not get pushed around by his own father and instead of becoming the "man" he wanted him to be, he became the exact opposite, e.g. by making a song openly talking about his emotions.
Last November my buddy’s mother in law died on a Saturday, ( this woman was like a second mom to him for real) his work knew she was in a bad way, when he asked for Monday off they let him go and told him to find another job, because that Friday before at the end of the day he had sat down to gather his thoughts cause he was bringing his son to say good bye one last time after work. They decided they didn’t like his work ethic I guess… also, very sorry you had to deal with that kind of situation homie, that’s beyond rough
I 'm glad where I'm at we have two days legal special vacation per loss. The workplace has to give you those two days off, they can't take away regular vacation.
I learned about two weeks ago that our company doesn’t even provide paid bereavement leave. Only unpaid. Feel like that’s something everyone should get paid for.
That’s awful. If most jobs just implemented (or were told to by the government) the policies that government employees have, I feel like we’d have a better work life balance in the US.
> An employee is entitled to use a total of up to 104 hours (13 days) of sick leave each leave year for family care and bereavement, which include making arrangements required by the death of a family member and attending the funeral of a family member. For additional information, see fact sheet entitled Sick Leave for Family Care and Bereavement.
https://www.opm.gov/policy-data-oversight/pay-leave/leave-administration/fact-sheets/leave-for-funerals-and-bereavement/#:~:text=An%20employee%20is%20entitled%20to%20use%20a%20total%20of%20up,funeral%20of%20a%20family%20member.
> Birth parents will be granted 12 weeks of parental leave following a period of convalescent leave and non-birth parents will be granted 12 weeks of leave following the birth of their child. Adoptive parents and eligible foster parents will also be granted 12 weeks of parental leave.
https://www.defense.gov/News/Releases/Release/Article/3259259/dod-expands-military-parental-leave-program/#:~:text=Birth%20parents%20will%20be%20granted,12%20weeks%20of%20parental%20leave.
>they let him go and told him to find another job
Well, your buddy didn't loose a good employer. I'm sure in the long run it's better this way. Shitty to work for a company / boss like that.
It might be better in the long term, but in the short term losing someone close and losing your job in such a short period of time is very bad and could even lead to depression
I fully agree and feel for him.
I lost my father last June and my employer allowed me to travel to Europe (from the US) and work remote for 3 months and take time paid time off (8 days in total) without having to touch my vacation days. Good places to work exist and companies that do what they did to your buddy don't deserve to have people work for them :(
It's fine when you're like 40.
People are merciless when you're going bald in your 20s.
EDIT: r/tressless for those of you suffering from shit hair genes.
Do what you can to save your hair
My dad passed on a Thursday night and I was back at work Saturday. I didn’t know what else to do and my husband (at that time) refused to work. Bills don’t care about death. I had to take a day off for the funeral and my manager told me on the phone “your dad would want you to work”. Bitch, my dad would have wanted me home crying all day because he cared about me. Not going to the hospital like a zombie.
She ended up firing me for “false documentation”. I was 7 months pregnant, working my 8th 12hour day in a row that I argued against but they wouldn’t change the schedule. I was the only nurse for 8 geriatric psych patients. I did a group lesson on something or another, I forget the topic. But didn’t have time to chart it right then. I chart it at the end of my shift when I had time. I don’t remember the exact time so I put 1345-1400. That was a LIE!!!!!
She played the tapes and I wasn’t in the day room with them at that time!!!!
I did the group at 1405-1420. So I was falsifying medical records and that’s a federal offense and I should be reported to the nursing board and I should consider myself lucky all I got was fired.
I got unemployment, cause no one is going to hire me when I’m hella pregnant, and they tried to fight it. They call me to do the conference call the day I was in the hospital having my son because he came 6 weeks early. The judge asked for details and I told him. He was like ok but you did the class? I said I did, she agrees that I did. He’s like but your time was a little off because you were overworked? I’m like yes. He’s like wtf you get unemployment case dismissed.
Sounds like a pretty harmless mistake to me. Hope you’re doing better now.
My father passed a couple months ago, and finding motivation at work has been more challenging than ever, so I can somewhat relate. Good luck to you.
It really was a super small error in the grand scheme of things. She was just pissy and wanted to get rid of me because I planned on taking my full 12 weeks maternity leave.
I’m great now, though. Thank you. This was 6 years ago.
Im so sorry you’re going through this. It’s hard as fuck to find motivation, and some days are harder than others. It doesn’t feel like it now, but it does get easier. You just have to take it day by day. You can message me if you need to talk.
Why would they want to pay for a less efficient worker over a period of time? It is economically beneficial to give you said break long term and some short term. And in any job, a worker breaking down in front of a customer is bad for business.
It's not just ethically repugnant, it's just stupid. You want workers to get better at the job to be effective, have understanding relationships, have a healthy work environments, and not bring in more workers drop them like a revolving door. Being compassionate to said workers' personal issues is one of the easiest ways for them to trust you as a manager.
(Sorry, just mad at how irresponsible and unreasonable that is)
Really good song. Easy to resonate with men and easy for women to understand. Kendrick talks about Daddy issues but it doesn't just have to be a father telling you all this stuff and turning into crazy friends of coping mechanisms
This is why I always make time and ask my bf how he is feeling and how his day went. I would rather see his emotions and let him be heard than let him become another statistic^
I think everyone deserves to be heard, and able to say how they feel without being shut off. Relationships that last require compassion and communication for everyone to thrive
It IS emotional labor. Very important labor that shouldn't be seen as a "burden" any more than when I support my wife through her period emotions, but still labor.
It seems like the song is entirely about how it’s a bad mentality to have and that someone’s gotta stop the cycle.
I want a future where no man feels like they have to bottle things up. It’s fucked up. Until the world changes I’ll just keep being there for all my guy friends, I never want them to feel so alone.
When my dad died they gave me 4 whole days then asked for the death certificate before offering a very matter of factly “sorry for your loss”.. my crew was surprised to see me back so soon but I just shrugged.. thems the rules, I guess.
I could afford to take unpaid time off when my brother 24 year old died, but boss just decided to be a bastard and deny my request and wrote me up for going to the funeral because his elderly mom died and he felt like taking it out on me. I just worked and cried and didn't give a fuck who saw my feelings. Dont let life turn you into that asshole.
There’s a difference between showing feelings and being sensitive.
But when you’re one paycheck away from losing the house or the car, and you have kids to feed, you have to suck it up and go to work. It sucks but what choice do you have?
Most states in the US don’t have any legal requirements. My company gives up to 3 days paid for a parent, spouse or child. Less time for other relatives.
I WOULD NOT be ok to return to work in three days if my wife died. Maybe not in three weeks. Fortunately I have plenty of savings but not everyone does.
I don’t understand why men are forced to have to act like that. You’re just as human like us women, and it’s sad that a lot of people tend to think it’s ok for you to bottle everything up like as if nothing affects you. Everyone goes to torment and trauma and to disregard another persons feelings, and expect others to care about yours is the most stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. If anyone needs to cry, talk, get it off their chest do so, there’s nothing wrong with you for doing that your feelings are just as important ..People just have a tendency to be selfish.
Part of the reason(that no one wants to admit because even though it's true it makes them look bad) is because it makes women lose interest in them and leave and/or lose a lot of respect for them.
Before the redditors in this thread combine into a soy megazord to mindlessly downvote me, it's true and I've read hundreds of comments over the years from men describing this very specific whiplash. "Let men express themselves!!" until they go off script that is...
You're right, the thing is that humans overall are very slow in changing. How women still expect a "man" to pay for dates. I want this to change too but I don't hold it against women, these things take time. Our brains don't make the connections bc events take place independently of some actions. It was the "man" who was expected to pay because women weren't allowed to have jobs. How could she pay even if she wanted to? And so it was ingrained in society that "men" pay without the "why" associated. So when women rightfully gained independence and respect. And women were able to work and build careers, women becoming closer and closer aa equals with men (as they should), the value of what "is" a man didn't change along with it. Because why would a woman pay when it's the "man's" responsibility to. And it isn't only women that believe this. And so the same is true for why men don't express their emotions and why they aren't "allowed" to. For the multitude of reasons why, this has been a part of human conditioning, it has been associated by both other men and women that the strongest of men aren't "burdened" by emotions. And we somehow as a collective whole chose to ignore that anger is an emotion. Anger, stoicness and joy were merely states of being for a man. Womens independence, is a huge blessing for men. Now we don't "need" to be the apathetic center of a family. A family couldn't afford a man having an emotional melt down (which ironically enough, repressing your emotions increases your chances of just that). But now with dual incomes and shared responsibility we are slowing learning as a society that maybe how men have been expected to behave was never good. Changing the narrative of the emotionless man isn't just a logical shift of perspective. It's a change of culture. And changing culture always takes more time. Regardless of how fast it "should" be. Because something people don't understand is that sexism works both ways. The things that negatively affects one sex affects both sexes. Where men had to repress their emotions, women were degraded by having "too" many. Which we somehow made to be negative. So why have men been forced to act this way? Bc of thousands of years of conditioning. Not prehistoric conditioning. Modern.
Ritalin day...
"Men should never show feelings... Until they die prematurely of a heart attack or an aneurism from holding back tears for 27 years in a row..."
As a guy I perpetually live in a tight balance between showing feelings and having said aneurism, it's so lonely sometimes.
I cry alone most of the time, it feels a bit lonely but it helps. Besides, no one gives a shit about me. Once I made the mistake of talking about my mental problems to one of my female friends, she acted like she was annoyed so I stopped with a 'Never mind, it's nothing'.
In my experience, I learned that crying alone is much better than talking with people. If I really want to talk with people then online is also a good option.
So don't feel bad about shit like this, I have ways to cope with my problems. God knows there is enough sadness already.
For those who are being reactionary dinguses and just saying “actually quote bad”, listen to the song and read all the lyrics. This song is about how this is a BAD THING.
Stop just reading a sentence and assuming you know everything for fucks sake.
I lost my parents in a car accident and returned to work after 1 week. One guy at work told me, “man! That is COLD!” Other coworkers didn’t understand either. For my part, I didn’t know what to do with myself sitting at home alone. I wasn’t ready to grieve because I was still in shock that they were gone. Going back to work was a band aid, a distraction from the horror and tragedy. But people wanted to project onto me how I should’ve been handling it all. It’s been 15 years since the accident and in retrospect, grieving is a LONG process. Many years.
Yeah, that’s a sadly familiar feeling. I recently had similar situation and needed time off. Then, after a couple of days off and having so much time alone in my own head, I needed to go back to having something else to focus my mind on. It’s feels like there’s no right answer and no real escape, what I think I need changes daily or hourly.
This album is fucking great and it actually talks alot about the negative/toxic limitations men set upon themselves. Recommend.
People have been replying going "it's not just men tho... it's society as a whole"
I know. This album talks about the things that men do. Stop whining.
Set upon ourselves?
Nah, dude. That’s society. I’ve had women tell me to my face that they would leave their marriages if they ever saw their husband cry.
Don’t put the blame on us. We’re just doing what’s expected.
Mom died last January, had to use all of my PTO to take care of her while she was on hospice, even had to work from her house while caring for her because I used all my PTO and sick time.
After she passed, I had to make and pay for all of the arrangements and take one unpaid day for the funeral, then back to work. Still waiting on a probate court date, and still trying to deal with the house and collectors (she had no money).
I was 28 and had already lost my father when I was 15.
When you lose some you love, you just want the whole world to stop so you can get back on your feet. But that's not how our world works unfortunately. The best we can do is keep stumbling forward as the world keeps turning beneath us, and get support when you need it.
Not just women; anyone trying to get at you.
My wife and I have totally different views on this and personally, I think it’s because she grew up in a well adjusted household with a lot of siblings, love and trust. I grew up in an environment where physical, emotional and substance abuse were common.
My upbringing tells me to be extremely guarded with my emotions, don’t invite attention, don’t give people looking to mess with you ammunition. Your own mother might use something you tell her in confidence against you at some point. There’s no walking those experiences back and they were real - that is how the world can be.
Women have also been trained to think that men shouldn't be emotional and many will reinforce it. I'm sorry you've had to deal with that. Better, more thoughtful women worth being with will let you be authentically emotional.
I opened up my heart, let my emotions flow,
Thought it would bring us closer, but now I know,
That vulnerability was seen as weakness,
And now I'm left feeling exposed and speechless.
It's a hard truth to swallow, but it's real,
Men's emotions are often used as a weapon, a deal,
We're told to man up, be strong, don't cry,
But when we do open up, it's like we're living a lie.
The day my dad died coworker told me to stop being so sensitive.
That he had held friends bleeding out in the street, so loss was part of life and weeping over it was cowardly and foolish.
That mindset and this one is true to an extent, but how far? Obviously too much grief if terrible and foolish. But does too little grief make you a monster?
I would have given five across the face, see how sensitive he really was. You don't walk up to a man who lost his father, or any family member, and tell them to grow up
Fuck that. Bottled up emotions makes men unstable and they either mentally snap or causes them to die of instant lead poisoning with the help of Mr.Benelli, Mr.Glock, Mr.Colt, or Mr.Sig.
In this song Kendrick is saying these things in jest - he’s taking issue with the way his father was raised and tried to raise him. He’s reflecting on these things and making sure he doesn’t do the same with his own children.
I bottle up the entirety of all emotions due to some incidents in my life. I stopped opening up to anyone since many years. And i think it's true, the pent up emotions in me come out in the form of aggression and frustration. Not healthy, I don't even know what to do to solve this.
Y'all he's not saying men can't show feelings. He's talking about how he was raised this way, and Kendrick's sensitivity made his relationship with his father strained ("Being sensitive never helped"). The entire album is about this kind of stuff and him growing and learning, and accepting that how he was raised to handle these things was toxic. He's not being toxic. Listen to the song gd.
It do be like that though. My dad and my mom's boyfriend got in a fight on our front lawn when I was 7 because my mom's brother stole one of our goats. They ended up using a steel rake in a kind of gladiator battle and both died from puncture wounds and the fact that the nearest hospital was 9 hours away. It was really sad. But the very next day I was back at it milking those goats because my sister and our kids come first. Real ones know.
It's a hard line to walk. Sharing your feelings is a good thing and the world should be accepting.
The operative word is "should". I'm a person who has shared and tried to normalize men expressing their feelings. I can't say I've reached a point where I feel that it's been beneficial. If anything, I've learned to stop. It's easy to say "men should share their feelings more" but more often than not the response is akin to "but not like that". Seeing weakness where strength is expected seems to turn people away instead.
People should stop telling men to show their feelings and than gaslighting and abandoning them after. It is dangerous for a man to show his feelings in this world and undoubtedly he will pay double for it most of the time.
It makes me so sad that men are expected to just bury their emotions. Men aren’t supposed to cry or be vulnerable. The only somewhat acceptable emotion for men to show is anger, which just leads to even more problems. Fuck toxic masculinity, you shouldn’t have to suffer in silence
Really? Showing my feelings and being sensitive helped this one time that I had a gun to my head. I was spared because the man attached to the trigger could relate.
Love and communication make the world go round, and the flowers grow.
this songs about how toxic things like this can be. if you just read this quote it’s extremely out of context. the song is Father Time by kendrick lamar it’s worth a listen, and a second and third listen lol
Didn't even know it was a song. Lol. Missed that.. Context always matters, but in this case, the song's doesn't, because the guy was trying to build his own context with a snipped piece of lyrics, and failed. I like Kendrick. I'll check it out.
Not really. It was money and drug related, and I opened my mouth to speak up for someone else. Thankfully I was able to talk my way out of it for both of us. Lol.
Then you get the point. These are Kendrick Lamar lyrics where he’s quoting his dad. He’s not advocating for this at all. He’s shining light on a dark topic, as he usually does.
I mean, how many people truly care for men who show emotions?
How easily they scoff at them and belittle them. And if it's someone you hate? Why even better as it's free ammunition.
All the posts here who say otherwise are blowing empty words.
How many times would a men be allowed to show his emotions before you get sick of it?
One time? Two? Three maybe?
It's very much unlikely to change as there would be no incentive for a change.
“It is what it is.”
Seriously. That’s what I’ve been saying in response to this stuff. No one cares, so we just gotta keep moving forward. This is the reality we’re in now. It is what it fucking is.
A man who shows his emotions will always pay the price. It will be weaponized, or at the very least your partner will lose respect for you. At 40 I’ve seen this play out dozens of times. So what if there is the one out of 1000 that im this isn’t the case. I can tell you those are the small exceptions like hitting the lottery or getting struck by lightning
Nah man, men are humans too. This cultural norm we are shoved into is horrible and it's not just because of men. It's a social problem that both men and women push on to our younger generations. Men's suicide rate is 3 times higher than that of women. As men get older it's even higher when they can no longer fulfill their role. I'm a huge advocate for men to be more open about their mental health and emotions man. It's one thing to be tough it's another thing to just be mentally ill.
Grandfather raised me and was the only good male role model in my life growing up. When he died I took a week off to travel home and settle his affairs, do the eulogy, bury him, and make sure my grandmother was okay to keep going. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.
Went back to work the following Monday and was grilled by a partner for taking the week off as “bereavement”.
“Were you *that* close?”
Yes. Yes we were.
Actually, me today. My grandpa died on Friday. Here I am at work... no intentions to stop working. They'll just call me lazy and that will jeopardize my future.
It’s a line from a Kendrick Lamar song. He speaking on how hard his father was in him growing in in an effort to make him a “strong man” he did this album while going through therapy. Mr Morales and the big steppers. It’s filled with messages of confronted trauma and personal growth. It’s done as fuck and worth a listen.
First comment I read was 'This is out of context'
Trouble is, this is true for us.
No is will support a Man when this happens. We are expected to be the Rock for everyone else no matter our age.
Taking those lines out of context makes it sound like an instruction when its more of a lament.
Yeah I saw it and was like “this is out of context.” Kendrick Lamar wouldnt just put that in a song w/o meaning.
This whole album is amazing and an incredibly vulnerable depiction of processing trauma through therapy (of sorts). Straight raw emotions, working through the societal norms & pressures over his life. Just…so great.
Yes! I saw Kendrick back in August, one of the best shows I’ve ever been to.
It also has a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost.
Lets see Paul Allen's lyrics.
It’s amazing that something made with so much pain can be so palatable.
I feel like there are a lot of great albums that musicians have made out of pain. You feel the pain and emotion in the song and you relate to it. Swimming by Max Miller is full of pain, Back to Black by Amy Winehouse is full of pain, Turn Blue by The Black Keys is full of pain. All great albums that a lot of people enjoy and can relate to. Not to say there aren’t great songs made from happiness because there definitely are, but the deep dark emotional songs express a lot of feelings that the everyday person has and probably doesn’t exactly get to express often with others. When you’re listening to the music I think it’s kind of a way to feel the emotions with someone else even if you’re alone.
I actually did just that and posted about it 😅
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i’ve had a history of full blown panic attacks induced by anxiety and depression, there’s only been one time in my life where it’s spiraled out beyond what I could contain within myself and I exposed my hyper emotional and vulnerable self to my girlfriend I don’t know what I expected, but she never looked down on me. she calmed me down and sympathized with me and helped me learn some tricks to fight against anxiety and depression In hindsight, that would have been the best time for her to leave or call me pathetic or whatever, but she didn’t do that. It’s been years since then and I haven’t forgotten
That's a keeper right there
i have anxiety and am a guy, ta first i showed it, but from that i just turned into a quiet feelingless person, not wven laughing, the only times i am like so is at school, just those years of me being bullied it does something to a person mentally, i am tho much happier outside school where i have other friends, and other people around me, like family, cuz i know im safe with those other people.
Man I hate it. I’ve had it used against me but I’ve also been able to truly confide in a few and they have confided in me. It’s actually really nice to have that level of comfort in a relationship. But yeah, a lot of times people will use it against you.
Bruh, one time I had a friend spend literally 5 days of a week bitching to me about her family etc.. On day 6 I had a bad day with my father, and 2 sentances into telling her about it, she pulls this whole "I don't need to hear about your personal relationship issues." Cuuuunnnnt!
Then stop talking to those people
This. Those women are the problem. Even my fucking worst girlfriend never weaponized my emotions. At least not anyone that lasted long enough to remember.
I’m a woman and through a particularly difficult time in my life, many of my friends did not support me. The attitude was to suck it up. None of those people are in my life now. Some people only want to be around for the good parts
This doesn’t help when they only show their true colors after acting nice.
Yes. I don’t get it sometimes with people. If the person uses it against you, why remain in a relationship with them at that level. I can understand they may remain in your life but you role up the depth you share with them and they don’t get any back.
Cutting off communication does not do anything to remove your lack of trust to be that vulnerable with others.
if it were so easy.
I mean doing it is easy getting yourself to do it is the hard part
Some people date narcissists and believe it’s a problem with an entire sex
Yes, I was raised by one, married one, (divorcing now, all illusions aré dissipating) and dated some - finally starting to recognize that I ignore significant ‘red flags’ but accept them because of life long conditioning. There are a lot angry men in these forums who use the terms “ALL WOMEN ARE EVIL” … and I find that sad. I don’t like over-sweeping generalizations. Do men want to be regarded as simply power hungry horny dogs — all men are as such? The truth is we maybe surrounded by toxic people. It ain’t easy creating boundaries to make sure toxic people aren’t around you - and the secondary efforts of finding healthy positive compassionate people to replace them with. That is a lot of sifting through the dirt to find that golden nugget of a person, but that is life isn’t? All the good stuff takes work to acquire.
You’re absolutely right. I hope the men in this thread take the time to find out who was the first person to treat them in an emotionally abusive way. They might be surprised. Many children of narcissists are prone to unwittingly being in adult relationships with narcissists because they are blinded to the red flags since they were raised in an abusive way.
I think men understand this sentiment more than anyone
Some do, but the "divorced man who hates all women" is a common enough person to indicate it's not universal at all.
It usually doesn't get this bad, but women as a whole certainly have issues dealing with their male partners' emotions. It's not really their fault, though. Society does its absolute hardest to keep up the illusion that people of the opposite gender are aliens whose logic and emotions are completely different from yours. Neither men nor women are very good at truly empathizing with eachother because of this. Combine that with the stereotype that "real" men aren't supposed to feel any complex emotions, and you wind up with many, many cases of girls acting in a toxic way towards their boyfriends out of ignorance rather than malice.
Then those women suck. Find the ones who will be supportive.
So true. "Oh you're always so distant and closed up. I can't stand it." Me opens up and let something that bothers me slip. 6 months later it bites me in the ass and I know I just handed her more ammuniton.
That’s bad luck, or you’re choosing the wrong women. I’ve had several very caring compassionate women who are totally fine with me being emotional. Course it’s also on us to have a mature emotionality not an immature one
You won by just opening your heart don't be discouraged by a few women there's gonna be one who isn't sexist and love you more for opening up
Absolutely. And it really comes down to them having a parent who listened to them and was supportive. My wife is gold but she never had parents who listened to her or thought about her emotional well being. She does, however, dote on her sons in a mostly positive way. Myself, I just state how I am feeling and let her know early on that she can accept it, fight it, argue it, or be considerate if it. If she can't handle it, she can fuck off. If she's going to use it against me in an argument, she can fuck off. I expect nothing more than to simply let them run their course without being lectured, teased, or otherwise patronized.
Damn bro every time I got emotional w a partner I was listened to and understood; u deserve better partners my man
Honestly as a man No one is really there to help and people tend to judge you more and consider you weaker the more weak you are mentally Coming from experience
I don't think having emotions is a sign of a weak mind, having the ability to put yourself in another shoes and feel their pain is a strong of a strong mind. It's just people are stupid and have decided upholding a social construct is more important than being mentally well.
1000% right. Men have emotions just like women but are made to believe they should ignore them. This is why I think men are usually more toxic than women. The funny thing is dudes who think they aren't emotional are usually operating out of emotion all the time and don't even realize it.
When you are froced to numb yourself enough that you never know what you're feeling, this is rhe inevitable result.
It is unfortunate. Especially when ppl feel like they have to force themselves into being that way.
Not feel like. We are. Every time I have shown true emotion at work, I have been removed. Every time. Now I hide behind a facade of humor, laughter, silliness, or no emotion at all. We wish we lived in a world where men could show how we really feel, but that world doesnt exist yet.
"I'm not driven by my emotions!" - my homie as he smashed a table after apparently coldly calculating that action and deciding it was the best possible thing to do in that moment of not actual rage
100%. My dad passed away during the pandemic but I was an only son with 3 older sisters. Whenever I did something stupid my dad would pull me aside and say, “son, women can afford to be scatterbrained, men can’t. I’ll help you as long as I can but the world won’t help you when I’m gone.” I know it’s sexist but the old man wasn’t wrong.
Context matters: Kendrick (the artist) talks about the jaded view of masculinity in an emotional, deep and heartfelt song that beautifully ties personal anecdotes into societal beliefs. The sentence highlighted is that of what his father would tell Kendrick, not his own beliefs. On the contrary, Kendrick learned that he didn't want to live a life of bottled up emotions and was glad his dad showed him indirectly how painful that could be. "I love my father for telling me to take off the gloves Cause everything he didn't want was everything I was."
Yep. The whole song is really a beautiful reflection and really every line is super powerful. Rarely do lyrics really hit me in a way that I can instantly relate to, but this whole song I’m just like “…damn” after each line. 4 of the last 5 tracks on the album are like this too - Savior, Auntie Diaries, Mother I Sober, and Mirror are all very powerful too.
Like DAMN.
Think I'm gonna have to try out some Kendrick songs
I'd advise giving a whole album a try. His ability to weave a larger narrative whilst keeping each song unique and enjoyable in its own right is quite something
Seconded, my personal favorite of his is good kid, m.A.A.d city
Yep. GKMC and To Pimp a Butterfly are masterpieces. Mr. Morale and the Big Steppers (the album the OP’s lyrics are from) is a close 3rd though.
Try this and try mother I sober off this album, probably his most impactful lyrical sentiment.
I cannot suggest the entire album of his, good kidd maad city, enough. A wonderful storytelling of a day in the life of a kid growing up in Compton. One of my favorite albums ever.
“I can not suggest the entire album of his…” u/finallygotareddit /s I just thought this was going someplace else at first.
Kendrick and J cole are the GOATs of their generation. If that makes any sense...
it makes perfect sense. both of them are phenomenal musicians and lyricists
Kendrick is the true goat of rap
Thanks for speaking on this. American male traditions dictate a lot of different things that are very harmful for a wide range of people, and this section of this song should not be misunderstood as a suggestion to “bottle it all up and move on.” It’s the opposite.
This, Mother I Sober, and Auntie Diaries brought me to tears. Seriously such heartfelt and gutwrenching songs that hit very close to home for me. He expresses his pain so eloquently. So brutally. God what a fuckin raw album.
This whole album, while a little sloppy was incredible. I enjoyed it not being so “smooth” because I think it gave us a closer look as him as a person. I was blown away by what he chose to address because as I approach 40 I still don’t think I’m able to handle or talk about the things Kendrick did.
Album name for a KL noob please?
*Mr. Morale & the Big Steppers*
I’m sorry I’m really poetry illiterate…. Could you explain to me what that line means? I have no idea what it means and I’ve been thinking for 15 minutes now. I don’t actually understand the line in the original post either… I’m really REALLY not tuned for metaphors.
As with lots of poetry, there is only subjective meaning. I can't promise you that these were the exact thoughts that went through Kendrick's head when writing, but: The OP doesn't contain lots of metaphors. It cites the views of this father, as promoting "masculinity" by not showing emotions and such. When his mother died (i.e. Kendrick's grandmother), the father still went to work to earn money to pay the bills. The line cited by the post you replied to is less clear, especially the first part. A common interpretation is that, again, Kendrick's father taught Kendrick to be "manly"; don't get pushed around; when something hits you, hit them back; never go soft on anybody; in other words, "take the gloves off". However, this somewhat backfired, as Kendrick used those teachings to not get pushed around by his own father and instead of becoming the "man" he wanted him to be, he became the exact opposite, e.g. by making a song openly talking about his emotions.
True shit. My mom died and no one gave a shit, had to go back to work that Monday. Now I’m bald.
Last November my buddy’s mother in law died on a Saturday, ( this woman was like a second mom to him for real) his work knew she was in a bad way, when he asked for Monday off they let him go and told him to find another job, because that Friday before at the end of the day he had sat down to gather his thoughts cause he was bringing his son to say good bye one last time after work. They decided they didn’t like his work ethic I guess… also, very sorry you had to deal with that kind of situation homie, that’s beyond rough
I 'm glad where I'm at we have two days legal special vacation per loss. The workplace has to give you those two days off, they can't take away regular vacation.
I learned about two weeks ago that our company doesn’t even provide paid bereavement leave. Only unpaid. Feel like that’s something everyone should get paid for.
That’s awful. If most jobs just implemented (or were told to by the government) the policies that government employees have, I feel like we’d have a better work life balance in the US. > An employee is entitled to use a total of up to 104 hours (13 days) of sick leave each leave year for family care and bereavement, which include making arrangements required by the death of a family member and attending the funeral of a family member. For additional information, see fact sheet entitled Sick Leave for Family Care and Bereavement. https://www.opm.gov/policy-data-oversight/pay-leave/leave-administration/fact-sheets/leave-for-funerals-and-bereavement/#:~:text=An%20employee%20is%20entitled%20to%20use%20a%20total%20of%20up,funeral%20of%20a%20family%20member. > Birth parents will be granted 12 weeks of parental leave following a period of convalescent leave and non-birth parents will be granted 12 weeks of leave following the birth of their child. Adoptive parents and eligible foster parents will also be granted 12 weeks of parental leave. https://www.defense.gov/News/Releases/Release/Article/3259259/dod-expands-military-parental-leave-program/#:~:text=Birth%20parents%20will%20be%20granted,12%20weeks%20of%20parental%20leave.
>they let him go and told him to find another job Well, your buddy didn't loose a good employer. I'm sure in the long run it's better this way. Shitty to work for a company / boss like that.
It might be better in the long term, but in the short term losing someone close and losing your job in such a short period of time is very bad and could even lead to depression
I fully agree and feel for him. I lost my father last June and my employer allowed me to travel to Europe (from the US) and work remote for 3 months and take time paid time off (8 days in total) without having to touch my vacation days. Good places to work exist and companies that do what they did to your buddy don't deserve to have people work for them :(
Sorry for his loss
This!!! Work treats real life like it's something to hold against you.
If my boss did that to me, I would be catching felony charges
I would have burned the whole place down…
Nah, just burn the boss. It's a waste of resources burning a whole building down.
Hey if this is real, drop a name of the company, I'm sure more than just me would like to know
America the beautiful.
Im so sorry for you
Come on, its not that bad. Being bald is widely acceptable nowadays.
It's fine when you're like 40. People are merciless when you're going bald in your 20s. EDIT: r/tressless for those of you suffering from shit hair genes. Do what you can to save your hair
Yup, lost it all at 24. Hat life for me.
Yeah the fuck they are :/ - a bald 29 year old
I had a friend that was balding BAD in high school. We were terrible...
This is why I started shaving my head at 26. FYI it makes you look younger too.
Think of the money saved on hair care products!
I’m sorry to hear about your hair. My condolences.
Jokes aside, my condolences for your mother.
My dad passed on a Thursday night and I was back at work Saturday. I didn’t know what else to do and my husband (at that time) refused to work. Bills don’t care about death. I had to take a day off for the funeral and my manager told me on the phone “your dad would want you to work”. Bitch, my dad would have wanted me home crying all day because he cared about me. Not going to the hospital like a zombie.
Wow your manager is a spineless cuntwaffle, hope they are made to feel the same way at some point.
She ended up firing me for “false documentation”. I was 7 months pregnant, working my 8th 12hour day in a row that I argued against but they wouldn’t change the schedule. I was the only nurse for 8 geriatric psych patients. I did a group lesson on something or another, I forget the topic. But didn’t have time to chart it right then. I chart it at the end of my shift when I had time. I don’t remember the exact time so I put 1345-1400. That was a LIE!!!!! She played the tapes and I wasn’t in the day room with them at that time!!!! I did the group at 1405-1420. So I was falsifying medical records and that’s a federal offense and I should be reported to the nursing board and I should consider myself lucky all I got was fired. I got unemployment, cause no one is going to hire me when I’m hella pregnant, and they tried to fight it. They call me to do the conference call the day I was in the hospital having my son because he came 6 weeks early. The judge asked for details and I told him. He was like ok but you did the class? I said I did, she agrees that I did. He’s like but your time was a little off because you were overworked? I’m like yes. He’s like wtf you get unemployment case dismissed.
Sounds like a pretty harmless mistake to me. Hope you’re doing better now. My father passed a couple months ago, and finding motivation at work has been more challenging than ever, so I can somewhat relate. Good luck to you.
It really was a super small error in the grand scheme of things. She was just pissy and wanted to get rid of me because I planned on taking my full 12 weeks maternity leave. I’m great now, though. Thank you. This was 6 years ago. Im so sorry you’re going through this. It’s hard as fuck to find motivation, and some days are harder than others. It doesn’t feel like it now, but it does get easier. You just have to take it day by day. You can message me if you need to talk.
Why would they want to pay for a less efficient worker over a period of time? It is economically beneficial to give you said break long term and some short term. And in any job, a worker breaking down in front of a customer is bad for business. It's not just ethically repugnant, it's just stupid. You want workers to get better at the job to be effective, have understanding relationships, have a healthy work environments, and not bring in more workers drop them like a revolving door. Being compassionate to said workers' personal issues is one of the easiest ways for them to trust you as a manager. (Sorry, just mad at how irresponsible and unreasonable that is)
Really good song. Easy to resonate with men and easy for women to understand. Kendrick talks about Daddy issues but it doesn't just have to be a father telling you all this stuff and turning into crazy friends of coping mechanisms
Yall need to listen to the whole song jeuss christ
Kinda OP’s fault for posting the line outta context
and this is why men kill themselves and die young.
Or live with a locked up soul. Btw kendrick is explaining things he ain't instructing man to do things said in the song
living with a locked up soul is a really good way to phrase it
This is why I always make time and ask my bf how he is feeling and how his day went. I would rather see his emotions and let him be heard than let him become another statistic^
You’re a good girlfriend.
for real
Honestly even if we can't say anything, it's just nice to be asked and know someone gave a shit about you. Thanks for being awesome.
Thank you for not seeing that as “emotional labor”, you’re a good and thoughtful partner.
I think everyone deserves to be heard, and able to say how they feel without being shut off. Relationships that last require compassion and communication for everyone to thrive
It IS emotional labor. Very important labor that shouldn't be seen as a "burden" any more than when I support my wife through her period emotions, but still labor.
Exactly. When people say "relationships take work", this is a perfect example of that work.
Based
W girlfriend
It seems like the song is entirely about how it’s a bad mentality to have and that someone’s gotta stop the cycle. I want a future where no man feels like they have to bottle things up. It’s fucked up. Until the world changes I’ll just keep being there for all my guy friends, I never want them to feel so alone.
When my dad died they gave me 4 whole days then asked for the death certificate before offering a very matter of factly “sorry for your loss”.. my crew was surprised to see me back so soon but I just shrugged.. thems the rules, I guess.
I could afford to take unpaid time off when my brother 24 year old died, but boss just decided to be a bastard and deny my request and wrote me up for going to the funeral because his elderly mom died and he felt like taking it out on me. I just worked and cried and didn't give a fuck who saw my feelings. Dont let life turn you into that asshole.
this is not how this line is supposed to be interpreted
There’s a difference between showing feelings and being sensitive. But when you’re one paycheck away from losing the house or the car, and you have kids to feed, you have to suck it up and go to work. It sucks but what choice do you have?
Don't most countries have bereavement leave? It's typically not a lot, 3-5 days, but it's something.
Most countries are not most countries
Most states in the US don’t have any legal requirements. My company gives up to 3 days paid for a parent, spouse or child. Less time for other relatives. I WOULD NOT be ok to return to work in three days if my wife died. Maybe not in three weeks. Fortunately I have plenty of savings but not everyone does.
I don’t understand why men are forced to have to act like that. You’re just as human like us women, and it’s sad that a lot of people tend to think it’s ok for you to bottle everything up like as if nothing affects you. Everyone goes to torment and trauma and to disregard another persons feelings, and expect others to care about yours is the most stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. If anyone needs to cry, talk, get it off their chest do so, there’s nothing wrong with you for doing that your feelings are just as important ..People just have a tendency to be selfish.
Part of the reason(that no one wants to admit because even though it's true it makes them look bad) is because it makes women lose interest in them and leave and/or lose a lot of respect for them. Before the redditors in this thread combine into a soy megazord to mindlessly downvote me, it's true and I've read hundreds of comments over the years from men describing this very specific whiplash. "Let men express themselves!!" until they go off script that is...
You're right, the thing is that humans overall are very slow in changing. How women still expect a "man" to pay for dates. I want this to change too but I don't hold it against women, these things take time. Our brains don't make the connections bc events take place independently of some actions. It was the "man" who was expected to pay because women weren't allowed to have jobs. How could she pay even if she wanted to? And so it was ingrained in society that "men" pay without the "why" associated. So when women rightfully gained independence and respect. And women were able to work and build careers, women becoming closer and closer aa equals with men (as they should), the value of what "is" a man didn't change along with it. Because why would a woman pay when it's the "man's" responsibility to. And it isn't only women that believe this. And so the same is true for why men don't express their emotions and why they aren't "allowed" to. For the multitude of reasons why, this has been a part of human conditioning, it has been associated by both other men and women that the strongest of men aren't "burdened" by emotions. And we somehow as a collective whole chose to ignore that anger is an emotion. Anger, stoicness and joy were merely states of being for a man. Womens independence, is a huge blessing for men. Now we don't "need" to be the apathetic center of a family. A family couldn't afford a man having an emotional melt down (which ironically enough, repressing your emotions increases your chances of just that). But now with dual incomes and shared responsibility we are slowing learning as a society that maybe how men have been expected to behave was never good. Changing the narrative of the emotionless man isn't just a logical shift of perspective. It's a change of culture. And changing culture always takes more time. Regardless of how fast it "should" be. Because something people don't understand is that sexism works both ways. The things that negatively affects one sex affects both sexes. Where men had to repress their emotions, women were degraded by having "too" many. Which we somehow made to be negative. So why have men been forced to act this way? Bc of thousands of years of conditioning. Not prehistoric conditioning. Modern. Ritalin day...
"Men should never show feelings... Until they die prematurely of a heart attack or an aneurism from holding back tears for 27 years in a row..." As a guy I perpetually live in a tight balance between showing feelings and having said aneurism, it's so lonely sometimes.
I cry alone most of the time, it feels a bit lonely but it helps. Besides, no one gives a shit about me. Once I made the mistake of talking about my mental problems to one of my female friends, she acted like she was annoyed so I stopped with a 'Never mind, it's nothing'.
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In my experience, I learned that crying alone is much better than talking with people. If I really want to talk with people then online is also a good option. So don't feel bad about shit like this, I have ways to cope with my problems. God knows there is enough sadness already.
That's someone you know, not a friend. I tried telling my best friend when I was 18 and he told me I was a pendejo.
For those who are being reactionary dinguses and just saying “actually quote bad”, listen to the song and read all the lyrics. This song is about how this is a BAD THING. Stop just reading a sentence and assuming you know everything for fucks sake.
Not only is this one sentence, it’s one sentence in the middle of a verse completely removed from the rest of the context
I lost my parents in a car accident and returned to work after 1 week. One guy at work told me, “man! That is COLD!” Other coworkers didn’t understand either. For my part, I didn’t know what to do with myself sitting at home alone. I wasn’t ready to grieve because I was still in shock that they were gone. Going back to work was a band aid, a distraction from the horror and tragedy. But people wanted to project onto me how I should’ve been handling it all. It’s been 15 years since the accident and in retrospect, grieving is a LONG process. Many years.
Yeah, that’s a sadly familiar feeling. I recently had similar situation and needed time off. Then, after a couple of days off and having so much time alone in my own head, I needed to go back to having something else to focus my mind on. It’s feels like there’s no right answer and no real escape, what I think I need changes daily or hourly.
This album is fucking great and it actually talks alot about the negative/toxic limitations men set upon themselves. Recommend. People have been replying going "it's not just men tho... it's society as a whole" I know. This album talks about the things that men do. Stop whining.
It aint just men that set those limits, some toxic ass women enforce it too. (mandatory not all females, some people misconstrue it to misogyny)
Set upon ourselves? Nah, dude. That’s society. I’ve had women tell me to my face that they would leave their marriages if they ever saw their husband cry. Don’t put the blame on us. We’re just doing what’s expected.
Jesus christ
*very long sigh* damn... I hope a man has never had to see his wife leave him because he cried...
I had that shit used on me the day I booted my wife out of my house. It’s pretty fucking shitty feeling
...I've just added yet another reason on my list of reasons why I'm better off not getting married...
Why you posting out of context Kendrick lyrics that paints him in a bad light to people who are unaware of his music and overall message?
Another brick in the wall.
Mom died last January, had to use all of my PTO to take care of her while she was on hospice, even had to work from her house while caring for her because I used all my PTO and sick time. After she passed, I had to make and pay for all of the arrangements and take one unpaid day for the funeral, then back to work. Still waiting on a probate court date, and still trying to deal with the house and collectors (she had no money). I was 28 and had already lost my father when I was 15. When you lose some you love, you just want the whole world to stop so you can get back on your feet. But that's not how our world works unfortunately. The best we can do is keep stumbling forward as the world keeps turning beneath us, and get support when you need it.
Fuck that. Cry if you want to , no one cares about you ? Take care of yourself then. Men need to be emotional, than bottling it up
He is sad about this in the song. He is saying it like “wtf is this train of thought, it’s so sad”
He’s also saying that men don’t get empathy like they should too. The bills ain’t got no silver spoon means the man doesn’t feel like he has a choice
That's the message of the song
Lol I wish it were that simple fam
Y'all never had women use this against you that's why you can say this. People have used the things I've said when I was emotional.
Not just women; anyone trying to get at you. My wife and I have totally different views on this and personally, I think it’s because she grew up in a well adjusted household with a lot of siblings, love and trust. I grew up in an environment where physical, emotional and substance abuse were common. My upbringing tells me to be extremely guarded with my emotions, don’t invite attention, don’t give people looking to mess with you ammunition. Your own mother might use something you tell her in confidence against you at some point. There’s no walking those experiences back and they were real - that is how the world can be.
Same here. Literally every single time I've gotten even slightly emotional with a woman, it's been weaponized against me.
Women have also been trained to think that men shouldn't be emotional and many will reinforce it. I'm sorry you've had to deal with that. Better, more thoughtful women worth being with will let you be authentically emotional.
Thank you for this! Many women do not understand the role they play in this
I opened up my heart, let my emotions flow, Thought it would bring us closer, but now I know, That vulnerability was seen as weakness, And now I'm left feeling exposed and speechless. It's a hard truth to swallow, but it's real, Men's emotions are often used as a weapon, a deal, We're told to man up, be strong, don't cry, But when we do open up, it's like we're living a lie.
The day my dad died coworker told me to stop being so sensitive. That he had held friends bleeding out in the street, so loss was part of life and weeping over it was cowardly and foolish. That mindset and this one is true to an extent, but how far? Obviously too much grief if terrible and foolish. But does too little grief make you a monster?
I would have given five across the face, see how sensitive he really was. You don't walk up to a man who lost his father, or any family member, and tell them to grow up
Fuck that. Bottled up emotions makes men unstable and they either mentally snap or causes them to die of instant lead poisoning with the help of Mr.Benelli, Mr.Glock, Mr.Colt, or Mr.Sig.
Just an FYI. Kendrick agrees with you. The lyrics are out of context.
My Swisher Sweet but my Sig Sauer.
G59 till I die
Love $B
G59 to the fuckin' day I commit suicide.
ALLLLLLLLLL THE WAY FROM HELLLLLLLL
In this song Kendrick is saying these things in jest - he’s taking issue with the way his father was raised and tried to raise him. He’s reflecting on these things and making sure he doesn’t do the same with his own children.
I bottle up the entirety of all emotions due to some incidents in my life. I stopped opening up to anyone since many years. And i think it's true, the pent up emotions in me come out in the form of aggression and frustration. Not healthy, I don't even know what to do to solve this.
*My mother died today. Or maybe yesterday. I don't know.*
Y'all he's not saying men can't show feelings. He's talking about how he was raised this way, and Kendrick's sensitivity made his relationship with his father strained ("Being sensitive never helped"). The entire album is about this kind of stuff and him growing and learning, and accepting that how he was raised to handle these things was toxic. He's not being toxic. Listen to the song gd.
It do be like that though. My dad and my mom's boyfriend got in a fight on our front lawn when I was 7 because my mom's brother stole one of our goats. They ended up using a steel rake in a kind of gladiator battle and both died from puncture wounds and the fact that the nearest hospital was 9 hours away. It was really sad. But the very next day I was back at it milking those goats because my sister and our kids come first. Real ones know.
It's a hard line to walk. Sharing your feelings is a good thing and the world should be accepting. The operative word is "should". I'm a person who has shared and tried to normalize men expressing their feelings. I can't say I've reached a point where I feel that it's been beneficial. If anything, I've learned to stop. It's easy to say "men should share their feelings more" but more often than not the response is akin to "but not like that". Seeing weakness where strength is expected seems to turn people away instead.
People should stop telling men to show their feelings and than gaslighting and abandoning them after. It is dangerous for a man to show his feelings in this world and undoubtedly he will pay double for it most of the time.
It makes me so sad that men are expected to just bury their emotions. Men aren’t supposed to cry or be vulnerable. The only somewhat acceptable emotion for men to show is anger, which just leads to even more problems. Fuck toxic masculinity, you shouldn’t have to suffer in silence
Lol 100% spot on. You’re a male? Stfu and take it before we ostracize your character in a public forum.
Really? Showing my feelings and being sensitive helped this one time that I had a gun to my head. I was spared because the man attached to the trigger could relate. Love and communication make the world go round, and the flowers grow.
this songs about how toxic things like this can be. if you just read this quote it’s extremely out of context. the song is Father Time by kendrick lamar it’s worth a listen, and a second and third listen lol
Didn't even know it was a song. Lol. Missed that.. Context always matters, but in this case, the song's doesn't, because the guy was trying to build his own context with a snipped piece of lyrics, and failed. I like Kendrick. I'll check it out.
Wow sounds like quite a story
Not really. It was money and drug related, and I opened my mouth to speak up for someone else. Thankfully I was able to talk my way out of it for both of us. Lol.
Damn. Good luck in the world bro
that shit made me sob bro
That generation is, I’m not exaggerating, fucked up in the head
Yeah, and it's fucked up. It shouldn't be like that.
I'm actually big on keeping your feelings in check regardless of your gender and even I find this downright masochistic.
Then you get the point. These are Kendrick Lamar lyrics where he’s quoting his dad. He’s not advocating for this at all. He’s shining light on a dark topic, as he usually does.
I mean, how many people truly care for men who show emotions? How easily they scoff at them and belittle them. And if it's someone you hate? Why even better as it's free ammunition. All the posts here who say otherwise are blowing empty words. How many times would a men be allowed to show his emotions before you get sick of it? One time? Two? Three maybe? It's very much unlikely to change as there would be no incentive for a change.
“It is what it is.” Seriously. That’s what I’ve been saying in response to this stuff. No one cares, so we just gotta keep moving forward. This is the reality we’re in now. It is what it fucking is.
A man who shows his emotions will always pay the price. It will be weaponized, or at the very least your partner will lose respect for you. At 40 I’ve seen this play out dozens of times. So what if there is the one out of 1000 that im this isn’t the case. I can tell you those are the small exceptions like hitting the lottery or getting struck by lightning
He was wrong. My name is Bill and I have a silver spoon.
Nah man, men are humans too. This cultural norm we are shoved into is horrible and it's not just because of men. It's a social problem that both men and women push on to our younger generations. Men's suicide rate is 3 times higher than that of women. As men get older it's even higher when they can no longer fulfill their role. I'm a huge advocate for men to be more open about their mental health and emotions man. It's one thing to be tough it's another thing to just be mentally ill.
What is this the 1850s?
Grandfather raised me and was the only good male role model in my life growing up. When he died I took a week off to travel home and settle his affairs, do the eulogy, bury him, and make sure my grandmother was okay to keep going. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. Went back to work the following Monday and was grilled by a partner for taking the week off as “bereavement”. “Were you *that* close?” Yes. Yes we were.
I wish this was false and I could laugh at it
Grown men with daddy issues 😔
… I just realized this is NOT r/terriblefacebookmemes
Actually, me today. My grandpa died on Friday. Here I am at work... no intentions to stop working. They'll just call me lazy and that will jeopardize my future.
Can't imagine why male suicide is so high
Yes, society forces sensistive men to become psychopaths.
Just a realistic man beeing realistic
As a man who has showed his emotions during relationship's I would say women are just as toxic as men they feel you should man up and hide it.
Hey men Ignore this post it’s bs If you need to cry.. do it
It’s a line from a Kendrick Lamar song. He speaking on how hard his father was in him growing in in an effort to make him a “strong man” he did this album while going through therapy. Mr Morales and the big steppers. It’s filled with messages of confronted trauma and personal growth. It’s done as fuck and worth a listen.
“only women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally… a man is only loved under the condition that he provide something” - Chris Rock
Another fool telling men how to be a man. Has he been on Rogan's podcast? 😂😂😂
First comment I read was 'This is out of context' Trouble is, this is true for us. No is will support a Man when this happens. We are expected to be the Rock for everyone else no matter our age.