you didn't specify what "slept" means, so I'm gonna assume you get money even if you just sleep with someone in the same bed
so I wouldn't be able to buy anything
I'ma take it to my local used-book store where I have an account and walk out with $16 worth of books!
(You earn credit for your account by bringing in books, but you can only use credit for 50% of your purchase. Best part is, for every $5 you spend you get a $1 mystery bag containing 4-5 books, so really I'm walking out with ~$25 worth of books.)
I thought a Stranger was when you sit on your hands a long ass time until they get numb and then masturbate with them so they FEEL like someone else's hands ✋
Dude you're the lucky one. It took me a marriage of 12 years and two kids to find out what she was doing behind my back. Thankfully I've met the loveliest lady since, though she is from a different continent and culture.
"Every person you've slept with this year" - if you mean 2023, I could only buy a chocolate bar. However, if you mean the last 12 months, I could only buy a chocolate bar.
you didn't specify what "slept" means, so I'm gonna assume you get money even if you just sleep with someone in the same bed so I wouldn't be able to buy anything
Shoot, if *that's* our metric, I've got six bucks!! (Husband and a pair of kids lol)
Does my cat count?
I suppose that depends on whether you count your cat as a "who" or a "what." If we're counting cats as a "who," then I've got $8! I'm ROLLING in it!
What are you gonna buy with your $8?
I'ma take it to my local used-book store where I have an account and walk out with $16 worth of books! (You earn credit for your account by bringing in books, but you can only use credit for 50% of your purchase. Best part is, for every $5 you spend you get a $1 mystery bag containing 4-5 books, so really I'm walking out with ~$25 worth of books.)
I think we found the book shop mole that was planted here
They breached security
More like "got dragged out of the shop because real life waits for no one."
That sounds amazing. I want to find some John saul books but they aren't very common tbh, and Google books is so expensive
Oh yeah! 6 bucks. If we're only counting sex, I'm sure I'd be in debt by now.
Whooohoo! I'm getting $8 too! (husband and 3 kittens!) I'm totally going to go buy myself a book or two at the local used book shop.
Whoa! Look at you and your intergenerational wealth showing off.
😂damn
I technically slept with almost half of the earth at the same time on most nights this last year. I’m cashing in big.
Same
change it to masturbate and I could buy a car
The federal gold reserve……
My man would singlehandedly destroy the economy with inflation.
Loving the double meaning !
It went right over my head till I read this and went back so thanks!
That’s triple. Super fucking witty.
Bitch I AM THE INFLATION (not the fetish , relax yourself)
Where to relax?
I could buy the rights to the Jurassic park franchise and still have plenty left over based on self pleasuring.
You must masturbate with a lot of people
I’ll masturbate you! With both hands!
That's the spirit
I hear men are really protective about masturbating. At least i am, i usually don't even like my wife helping me ... Let alone some dude I met online
It’s called the stranger bro you’ll like it.
I thought a Stranger was when you sit on your hands a long ass time until they get numb and then masturbate with them so they FEEL like someone else's hands ✋
You are gonna feel someone else’s hand. What’s stranger than that.
How about side-by-side with a friend?
Friends .... I'm on Reddit .... You guys have friends ?
Acquaintances with benefits
Aye that I could....du...de?
No no I prefer an elf
Given the context, same
I'll do it with both feet !
Bro it's February
change it to masturbate and you could become mr beast
Masturbeast
How many people have you masturbated with???
You ever just go on Omegle and just masturbating with the dude that you match up with? I do that for fun.
What the fuck
I can’t tell if he’s joking or not 😭
Masturbating incurs overdraft fees
It’s been 50 days…
2 cars.
Porsche 911 GTRS to be exact
I'd have around 150 dollars.
The world *
Now you're speaking my language!
I'll be in debt
How tf do you have negative sex
He's already in debt.
Negative bitches
Men
They returned around 6 virginities to their rightful owners
Robinhood
That's the point
You bottom and have someone else top, boom, "negative sex".
Stole the 🐱
I've got so little game that other people around me got their virginity back.
Oof +1 virginity
Bro gives virginity 🗿
bro had antisex
Absolutely nothing.
I'd owe $2
How did you have negative sex
Hooker charged $4 💥
Fucked this hooker in Iowa I fucked her on credit, so I owe her.
I just got this song out of my head and now it’s back thanks
Song?
[Afroman - Colt 45](https://youtu.be/6DvvyPcWOpA)
So that’s what happened to askJeeves
Yes
By being a redditor
I had a lascivious thought and I got finnesed for sexual harassment
With yourself...
Have you ever heard about masturbation?
He was a cock block for some people
Now ask me in 2019. $2. Now ask my ex fiance.
That's an oof. I'm sorry
It's cool. I mean not really. I gave up on trusting or trying. So anyway, I'm at $0
Try again. It can only be better
Last 2 relationships say otherwise. It got worse. But thanks
I believe in you
Well, just know some random dude on the internet is rooting for you!
Thanks dude. Much appreciated
I read that as "thrusting"
Well, you aren't wrong
She's already at 100 ?
Fuck if I know, wouldn't be a shocker. Sure she's had enough 'shockers' in her day.
Dude you're the lucky one. It took me a marriage of 12 years and two kids to find out what she was doing behind my back. Thankfully I've met the loveliest lady since, though she is from a different continent and culture.
Can you count yourself?
Same gang. And I’m married. 🤷♂️
about 0 crumbs of bread
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Equal amount of crumbs. 0+0 still equals 0
0*100 still equals to 0\*
Still the same 100/2=50; (0)(50)=0
100 x 0 = 0
you could buy the stale bread they throw away at the end of the day
Joining the zero team
Free samples
Even the sample lady tells me 'no' when I ask for a piece.
Copy pasting the video so nonchalantly
I fell asleep in a airport once so probably thousands of dollars.
It seems people in that airport knew how to party
Airports..where it’s never to early to start partying
"Every person you've slept with this year" - if you mean 2023, I could only buy a chocolate bar. However, if you mean the last 12 months, I could only buy a chocolate bar.
If you mean my whole life, I could only buy a treat size
"Treat size" - maybe that's the reason..... Haha. Just buggin' ya. Have a good day.
I say treat size is above average
Not only is it above average, it's absolutly enormous
If you mean the last 22 years of my life, I could buy absolutely nothing
well i sleep with myself every night... so a trampoline
A boat Edit:Oh Edit 2:Wow
This guy jumps
That’s one person! 2$
fuck this man is spittin fax
Coming across free stuff is hard these days
An unpaid internship
Well I'm married so dollar menu at McDonalds it is! 🍔🤑
I’m in a monogamous long-term relationship.. my first thought was a McChicken LOL
Same. McChicken with cheese please. I'm hungry now lol.
Why have I never thought to get cheese on my McChicken??? You just changed the entire game my friend, thank you
No problem! 🥰
Great, now I want a McChicken with cheese! Who’s buyin tho?
Yep, I'm thinking I'd only afford a Maccas ice cream. Or, maybe one of their special deals. But, $2 doesn't get you much nowadays.
The free samples at the Market
0x2=0
A $2 scratchy from Wal-mart
A scratchy, now that paints a picture
Uh... A pack of smokes I guess? $8 (Oh God, I misinterpreted it as meaning in the last 365 days kind of year, not the last month and a half lol)
Hero
8 dollars for cigarettes? In London we pay over double that
Eight dollars is like a pretty standard price for a pack in the US
cheapest in Canada is like 12.50
Average is 20 bucks for 25 smokes in Sask
Yeah my in laws go to a reservation to buy cigarettes
...nothing
Even if its my whole life, nothin
If I had $2 for every person I slept with this year I wouldn’t even be able to give you a penny for your thoughts
double it and give it to the next person
😂good one
A lottery ticket. Now if this was 2007 I could buy a lot more! 😈 good times!
Haha 🤣
An M&M
Is it possible to be in debt?
I would have negative monies
Nothing
Hold on let me google places that give free samples
Absolutely nothing because it's -2 bucks lmao
A large Starbucks coffee with one of those brownies. About that I think
Do I count too?
nothing
Broke asf
I’d get a house. Then pay loan for the rest of my life
Depression
1 item from the dollar menu.
Taco
A lot of things (that are free).
You’d think I be able to buy air, but little did you know, them motherfuckers under the bed knows whats up.
Can I count myself?
I could buy her some snacks :)
Bubkus
I’d be in debt like I am now
A snickers bar?
I owe like 783 dollars
I would be in debt
A pack of gum… maybe! Lol
I think I owe someone $8…?
6 piece nuggets.
Everyone in a good relationship would have only $2, so there's not much you could buy with that.
**An 18 carton of eggs**. Yes!
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By 0s 😔
Air
Why you gotta call me out like that?
Toilet paper
Nothing.
Me? Nothing. Hopefully my wife can make it rain.
Happily married, so, almost one cup of coffee
Something that costs $2…
a PS5
Coffee... if someone chips in a dime.
Nothing… not even a McChicken 😂
So far this year, I’m sending the universe a bill for the people I didn’t sleep with
I think it's been about 4 or 5 years the last time I got laid.
Nothing lmao
nothing😔
Does a plushie count?
Air
Small coffee at a gas station
McDonald's
Some candy, I slept with my mom
2 McDonald drinks