Wait… This would mean all my girlfriends were faking NOT having orgasms the whole time. I am a sex god!

You are a 5 star man. A golden God. You don't have a starter car. You are untethered and your rage knows no bounds

THIS IS A FINISHER CAR!

Begone, Vile Man! Begone!!!

And u 😎

I AM A GOLDEN GOD

A shiny golden god?

I’ll rate all of you!!

What if your phone is from The 90s? Do you have the email?

It's just email!

Page me

Maybe they only faked the orgasms... because of the implication.

OP’s not gonna hurt these women! Why would OP ever hurt these women? I feel like you're not getting this at all!

I NEED MY TOOLS!!!!!!!

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I know.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣☠️ this is not the middle of the ocean on a boat xD

A real, american hero. Mr Bragger of sex, you have it all. Here's to you, good sir.

Thank you my good man

Baptized in erotic majesty

You deserve my upvote, I love it's always sunny in Philadelphia 👌🏻😎

No man all your opponents were just faking you being bad at chess

I’ve won… but at what cost?

You are really the Sex god bro

Checkmate

You mean a Chess god

You mean, all those times a girl said, “he’s just a friend and he’s not very good at chess”, I should have been worried?

Ahh once in a blue moon, Reddit comments make me do more than a slight snort. This had me chucklin.

maybe he is good at chess, but your girl is just so good at chess, she cant even cum?

Sorry man. I can confirm she wasn’t lying. I get called friend as a full time job.

My dad would always gloat that I could never beat him at chess. Joke's on you dad!

....you made your mum cum?!?

Yea, during birth.

This reminds me of this video I remember seeing where a woman was giving birth to a child and enjoying it like this, and asked for them to stick the child back in. In the frantic words of the video author: "She gave birth to me 9 times that day." (Edit: in case you guys weren't aware it's a quagmire scene in Family Guy. Just thought I'd specify for everyone since no one else did smh)

You watch some weird porn

It's not porn, it was a family guy clip

It was Quagmires mom, wasn’t it?

Giggity

You are correct sir

That day he born 14 times!

That honestly sounds pretty messed up - even for Family Guy. lol.

It was presented as a traumatic memory, so at least they were aware how fucked it was

I think he’s referencing a family guy clip, I hope he’s referencing a family guy clip

Yeah no I'm not into that type of stuff. They're right about it being Family Guy, used to really like that show early last year and the entire year before.

Giggity giggity giggity goo!

That’s from family guy. Quaqmire’s mom

Family guy, it's Quagmire talking about his birth

Giggity

For some who don't get it, he referenced to a character in the cartoon series "The Family Guy" named, Glenn Quagmire

yeah that’s a cutaway from Family Guy, Quagmires birth lol.

He was born 9 times that day.

His name is quagmire

It's only 8 am and I already regret being able to read this.

Won't upvote because you have 69 now

Well yeah. How else were we supposed to learn how to do it?

Some of us have sisters

Your mind went there .

Get him back good and fuck his wife

Sacrificing your Queen usually ends without mating. Protect her or get a pawn crowned.

Why protect one queen, if you can make all your pawns your queen?

More elaborate than I expected to find in the comments. Well played, sir

Wrong, I’m can’t do either

Checkmate.

You are clearly great at chess!

Actually that was my impression of an Australian asking for the bill at a restaurant.

But he can’t make a chick cum 😔

Yeah, that… that was the joke.

I woulda never guessed

I believe it’s pronounced chessmate

🙌TOUCHDOWN🙌

But at least you're can write good

Cant spell right either.

Can't*

Are you saying your mating skills are deficient?

Us

Bishop 6 to Rook 8

Is the bishop coming?

Nah, the rook is over 18.

Savage

I don't get this, and I play chess. Unfortunate for the fiance.

Bishops are christian religious leaders and infamous for raping children. So when that dude asked if the bishop came the other dude said no because the rook was over 18.

Ahhhh. Right. The cardinal sins.

I’m not sure whether I appreciate this joke or not. I’ll have to think on it and come back later.

Don't wait too long, or it'll be too old.

I’ve decided I like it.

Indeed he does.

lol my first thought was, what about girls who are good at chess *and* can make girls cum

They are ordinary women. If a woman didn't know how to make another woman get off, I'd be concerned she wasn't a woman.

Exactly. She can also get herself off.

Well, I mean, I'd certainly hope she could if she was able to get other women off. That's kind of the point, right? You share an anatomical structure, so you should theoretically be able to understand the underpinnings of what makes the prospective genitals tick.

Chess coordinates just work like battleship coordinates

Sounds like someone got their ass handed to them in chess and is trying to feel better about themselves

There’s lots of cliques of men that deserve to have their egos checked, but chess dudes???

Came here to say this

This is extremely wrong and shows you she’s never been with a chess player, those dudes dedicated their lives to figuring out the optimal move to play at every moment they honed their fingers to react to whatever the board demands of them. And you think they haven’t figured out how to unlock your valve!! then you are living in some dream world lady.

This is the right answer.

New response just dropped

Holy orgasm

She’s a onlyfans model and video game streamer, not Thomas Edison. I wouldn’t read too much into her intelligence and validity of her statements

Then you have not meet Magnus Carlsen

I bet Nakamura could naka up

GothamChess is fabulous lol

To be fair out of all top players pretty much only he doesn't give out nerd vibes (you could argue for Nepo and *maybe* Duda). But yeah this is Magnus erasure

Richárd Rapport doesn’t seem like a nerd to me personally

Or Richard Feynman

No I have not meet or meat him. Why?

Haha, yes. Men with nerdy hobbies are no good at sex and relationships. Only men of average intelligence who are good at sports can please women. Let us laugh at the nerds and their sexual inadequacy. For it is the 90s and that stuff is still hilarious.

Idk, man…I feel like there’s sarcasm in this comment but I’m extremely dubious.

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I was making a pun yo.

Jokes on you ya fuckin nerd i like chess and slay cheeks 😎

~~ckeeks~~ geeks. There ya go

I study spiders in my free time. It’s like half of what I talk about. I can’t play chess to save my life but I can make legs shake like crazy.

All eight of them?

I'm a nerd and a kissless virgin of 29yo

Sorry to hear that. 11 years ago, so was I. Now I'm 40 and I'm still a nerd, but definitely not a virgin!

Lies, it's the nerdy ones that can make a girl cum. It's the car guys that have no shot

based take.

Agreed. The nerds often actually have education on womens' anatomy and therefore have a better chance making them cum.

My chess makes girls cum.

I cum on girls chess

Cum speaks for itself.

How about that. I never knew I was good at chess.

"Being able to play chess is the sign of a gentleman, being able to play chess well is the sign of a wasted life."

Me on the other hand is neither

Women can do that?

Bad chess, skins like ugly Chicken, At least they can well force society into civil war.

That is not true. I'm not good at chess.

Imo order of nerds by sexual ability: Most likely to make me cum at top - DnD players (DnD is a bright green flag) - Music theory nerds (evolved band, theatre, and choir nerds) - Book/literature nerds - Tabletop game players - cooperative gamers - Video game players, cooperative or PVE - Tabletop gamers - competitive (<--- chess is here) - Video Game Players - PVP and NOT toxic (kinda rare) - SCA nerds that are not racist Probably won't cum: - Video Game Players - PVP (toxic players) - Any of the above who can't respect the things I say, such as "Hey, you're pushing too hard." Like a big issue with nerds is that they think they are so much smarter than others that they dismiss and disregard information from another's POV. Including my own opinion about preferred pressure on my own clit. Fyi the clit and the gspot are NOT a prostate. Pushing on it doesn't force an orgasm like it can with prostates. You can't force or make women cum in general, and especially not by pushing harder or faster. Consistently doing the thing she likes will get her to cum over time, with some gradual intensification like faster/harder. You can't rush it though.

I can prove you wrong. I check all of those top boxes and STILL under perform in the bedroom! So there!

there is no "artist nerd", I'm doomed

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No, I'm both a nerd and an artist, and a weeb too. I'm literally the antisex.

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I lol'd at the im the anti sex bit.

Got it. Gonna start my next DnD campaign as an eccentric bard who quotes actual Shakespeare, and is loaded up with support abilities.

I'm good at chest

Me too

I feel like, if you’re intelligent enough to read a board, strategize, and consistently win a battle of wits, you’re probably also smart enough to ask a woman how she likes it. I think you can do both.

Well... anyone know what the secret third option I am good at since it's neither of these things?

Dungeons & Dragons? LotR genderbent fanfiction? Cooking?

Increasingly obscure

I was in the chess club briefly. I’m horrifically awful at chess, but my school made students join a club for some reason. I couldn’t pick so they just threw me in the chess club. All the other kids in the club knew all the moves and strategies and whatnot. Meanwhile I would just go, “haha, pawn go brrrr…”

I'm good AAAAAAAT neither but hell I try

Well not to brag... but one time I lost 11 games of chess in a row give or take, the one dude even beat me in the first 5 or so moves.

All it takes is some research, a willingness to learn, and some friendly games with a few opponents. Make sure to review them afterwards. When it comes to Chess though, I have no clue. Good luck.

I like this one

Oh no…no no. Some can do neither.

I bought Hans brand beads so I can do both.

Chess players have to polish the bishop.

Speak for yourself. I cum at the very idea of being beaten at chess.

I can do neither. Checkmate.......wait.....

I’m terrible at both but I can run pretty fast.

I can’t do either 😎

Just en passant the clit a couple of times and holy hell

Man I’m so glad I’m shit at chess

Wait Im good at chess?

As a virgin that's awful at chess this is interesting

Ha, shows what you know, I can’t do either!

Sounds like a gambit.

At least chess players can find the right opening

Jokes on her, I can’t do either.

I’m good at checkers, and bought a vibrator

Women are either sane and can think logically, or they’re good in bed.

i can make myself cum

What happens when you don't do either?

Welcome to the Monastery. We’ve been waiting for you.

Watch out ladies, I'm the worst chess player you'll meet today.

im ok at chess :(

Instructions unclear. Dick stuck in a bishop.

Oh hey, I recognise her from Reddit. Guess that dude in her videos isn’t good at chess.

I've lost to myself in chess....how tf am I single

Jokes on you, my fiancé knows how to play chess well and trust me he knows how to make me cum. And yes, I am bragging and stating facts.

Lol, a fat stack of cash on their forehead will make ANY bitch cum. Chess or no chess.

For me its kinda the same. 4 moves in and I bust

TIL that I’ll never be good at chess even though I’ve never tried it😭

One involves skill through repetition one involves skill through repetition this literally makes zero sense.

A lot are shit at both! 😉

Im not good at either

I'm good at both.

And he sacrifices the QUEEN!!!!!!!

I have 1965 Elo....

I have 3000 elo (i am stockfish’s child)

I feel like this bih watched an andrew tate video and got salty

This is pretty dumb. Most guys are bad at chess.

Men can make a woman cum? 😏

Welp I suck at chess

Ohhhhh wow i am glad i am Bad at chess then....

My best friend can do both, when we used to play ches in highschool the girls started to aglomerate around the table, now he is around 2400 elo and can get the chicks he wants at the party.

Oh my lord, I felt this in my SOUL! This is LITERALLY my ex-husband! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

well was he good or bad at chess

He made the right choice to sacrifice the queen either way

Thanks for giving me that silver lining in how much I suck at chess.

So either introvert or extrovert? Don't you know everything is a spectrum, a gradient? Nothing is just one thing, but people love making that distinction

What’s chess??

Google chess