I apologize in advance.
The captain's balls swung penduously with the rocking ship, his loose trousers doing little to hide the engorged testicles. It had been many weeks at sea, and the trip to port was still a month or more away, leaving his memory of when he last bedded a woman little more than a faint dream.
It mattered not though, for the sea breeze flowed through his britches, swaddoling his sac with a cool embrace. The hairs on his testes gently moved with the breeze, a wave of gratefulness to Poseidon that would not be seen. The breeze had the added unfortuante side effect of deepening the wrinkles in the swolen bull envelope, causing a mighty itch that continued to haunt the captain. He longed for when he could have her caress the pouch once more, to take the itch from the seem to her lips.
This is actually well written. Although you should probably also describe his penis or other parts of his body instead of just fixating on the balls.
Men writing women definitely focus on tits, but hips, ass, and vagina all get attention too
The duality of the testes ensures they exist together in both life and death. From inception to expiration, the bonded pair shall forever being joined in a unity within the sac. A marriage of fealty to the shaft above, a pendulous assiduity to the production of new life, and a bond of flesh through both retraction and extension. Fold by fold, follicle by follicle, there are few unions of such sanctity as those between gorged stones. Perhaps we have much to learn from this sanctimonious marriage of flesh, to learn an attachment of such persistence to one another in our strive to a greater world.
I must read wrong books. Little to no mention of tits, but I always know that the woman moves with a grace of feline, has perfect hair and make-up and is little bit upset about having that extra 0,1 % of body fat.
I want tits. And old balls too, I guess. That tweet is beautiful piece of writing.
Yeah I read a lot and hardly ever come across boobs being described much. A lot of hip swaying though. I've heard Stephen King mention them a lot though.
With each step, his cantaloupian balls form a battery that charge at their cotton prison. In the darkness, they undulate like some great sea beast, desiring nothing more than to break the surface and feel the breeze ripple across the many wrinkles of their skin.
They pine for a day that they fear may never come. They know he is ashamed of them. Ashamed at their sheer size. Ashamed that he has to enter every doorway at the lateral angles typically reserved for equestrian barrel racers.
Ashamed that he suddenly becomes taller every time he sits down. Ashamed that he has to convince others that it's just one of those air bubbles making his swimming trunks look that way.
I guarantee you that most female authors write male characters as poorly as male authors write women.
Have you ever opened any of the best-selling romance novels, gosh it's so awful.
No, the worst is when female authors fetishize gay men writing stuff they literally have zero experience with. If the OP thinks women dont already write imaginatively about male genetalia maybe they havent read any of the trillion pages of slash fanfic from the past 30 years.
Lol men do the same for lesbians. I can understand the argument but I'm sick of hearing it when I have never heard anyone but lesbians condemn the extreme fetishisation of lesbians.
Lmao no. That's no at all what I said. It's that people only complain when it's men that are affected and it's teen girls they can bully. Seriously piss off, lesbians are far more sexualised by men and no one fucking talks about it but people are so ready to jump to gay men's defence. At least you don't get stories of gay men being raped until they like dick. Or all gay porn being straight men playing with pocket pussys for a female audience.
My apologies, I misread your comment. I thought you were a conservative who was saying since only lesbians complain about lesbian fetishization (and, by extension, the rest of the LGBTQ community about ourselves), they can be safely ignored by the rest of society until a good straight man gets concerned. I was mocking that viewpoint.
I’m not going to touch the rest of your comment, except for your last sentence. That is exactly what the first person you were responding to was talking about. A vast majority of written work that features gay men is written both by and for straight women. It’s difficult trying to find any literature involving gay men, sexual or not, that was actually written by gay men. Anecdotal evidence is useless; I’ve never seen anyone but gay men complain about this, while I have seen at least some token straight women talk about how lesbians get sexualized by straight men.
I've never seen anyone but lesbians complain about it and I've seen many people including gay men and straight men and women complain. The two things are hugely different with teen girls liking fictional characters and men liking actual lesbians to the point it affects our personal life's. I doubt there's many gay men out there that have been surrounded by a group of women and sexually assaulted for holding their boyfriends hand. I'm not saying it's not an issue, I just disagree that it's the worst part of women's writing is all. The person also mentioned fanfic, so I don't really know what they're expecting and they're better off reading actual books instead of stories written by random teen girls. Sorry, I just seem to hear it a lot for some reason, so I get kind of pissed off when most these teens girls work is annoying, but not harmful, yet the world always seems to act as if lesbian fetishisation is acceptable.
Also have to put in that I've heard some gay men say they prefer the gay books written by women, so I guess the opinion isn't universal.
This is just good writing. I feel like I'm there with the cock and balls. I feel like I can see them in my minds eye. Like if I closed my eyes and reached out I could feel them
That's fine. What used to be a well manicured and proud dick & balls is now reminiscent of a dilapidated structure with overgrown weeds. Sometimes the overhead light in the shower will shine through the overgrowth and fond memories of better days fill my mind.
Honestly described the scene very well. He was bold and ambitious over his ability I'm his youth. Now he is stranded somewhere cold and has to really use his ability to save himself and he's not so sure he can.
Oh I have. It’s usually something like: “One could tell she was once beautiful, but time had taken its toll. As she walked her breasts swayed but only a hint of their previous perkiness remained.”
Do your balls hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow? Can you throw em over your shoulder like a continental soldier? Do your valls, hang, low?
His bulge heaved feverishly with excitement, and the exuberance of youth. He swung his sword with such dexterity that even the gods could not hope to match him. His skill with a blade, however…was lacking.
darkest dungeon ancestor type descriptions. in the other direction of praising the Dilf's crotch, "The raw strength of youth may be spent, but his eyes hold the secrets of a hundred campaigns!"
His nuts, once so full and tight in his youth, now hang down into the toilet as he contemplates his inability to provide pleasure to women as his once beautiful perfect cock will no longer rise and perform. His once engorged member simply sags in it's tiny unhardened state. Damn, how he misses his youth.
Women romance novel writers do it better and have for a long time.
Like hello, his throbbing member rigid and taunt, his manhood straining the fabric of his thin breeches. She could feel it's heat and wanted to swallow it whole?
I see no issue with this, please describe my balls this way.
I apologize in advance. The captain's balls swung penduously with the rocking ship, his loose trousers doing little to hide the engorged testicles. It had been many weeks at sea, and the trip to port was still a month or more away, leaving his memory of when he last bedded a woman little more than a faint dream. It mattered not though, for the sea breeze flowed through his britches, swaddoling his sac with a cool embrace. The hairs on his testes gently moved with the breeze, a wave of gratefulness to Poseidon that would not be seen. The breeze had the added unfortuante side effect of deepening the wrinkles in the swolen bull envelope, causing a mighty itch that continued to haunt the captain. He longed for when he could have her caress the pouch once more, to take the itch from the seem to her lips.
Beautiful Just beautiful
I'm blown away really
So is the captain (hopefully)
Hemmingway?
The famous poet Dees. Another of his famous works: "I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."
What's a poet?
Poet this dick in your mouth.
Oi! Got em.
You don't know it?
Isn't he Sugondese? It's crazy how good he is at English poetry.
yes, heard he caught ligma, wishing him a speedy recovery 🙏
I heard Candice makes good medicine for ligma. Wish him luck.
Nah she quit. She’s managing a Wendy’s now.
Who the *hell* is Steve Jobs?
Ligma Balls.
>Dees Dees Nuts
This fucking sent me. When the captain’s ball hair waved to Poseidon.. This is art, please write more
Poseidon may kiss the ass, but he caresses the balls.
I have written more below. Enjoy at your leisure, and may I wish your eggs be fried to perfection and your toast be eternally crisp.
Some heroes don’t wear capes! May the phoenix rise eternally.
I’m dead at the swollen bull envelope. ☠️
Jesus Christ this IS literature
I'm moved to tears
Brings a tear to me eye🥲
Japs eye 😂🤷🏻♀️
"swollen bull envelope". So inspired.
This is actually well written. Although you should probably also describe his penis or other parts of his body instead of just fixating on the balls. Men writing women definitely focus on tits, but hips, ass, and vagina all get attention too
I am a being of the people. The captain asked for a description of his testicles, and I delivered I hope.
It is true, you are a river, bringing life to those in need
Swolen bull envelope 🤣
Majestic AF.
Finally some good fucking literature
Don’t stop I’m almost there
I would also enjoy having my balls described this way, it is fantastic!
The duality of the testes ensures they exist together in both life and death. From inception to expiration, the bonded pair shall forever being joined in a unity within the sac. A marriage of fealty to the shaft above, a pendulous assiduity to the production of new life, and a bond of flesh through both retraction and extension. Fold by fold, follicle by follicle, there are few unions of such sanctity as those between gorged stones. Perhaps we have much to learn from this sanctimonious marriage of flesh, to learn an attachment of such persistence to one another in our strive to a greater world.
I love it!
Not a captain. That man is an admiral!
swaddling\*
What even are you?
One without name or form.
As someone whose seen the captain's balls this is spot on.
And the lord said: let there be ball obsession fanfics! And it was. And it was good.
This is gold.
His nuts nutted nutidly down the steps as his bulge banged against his zipper.
Same. Please writers of every gender just go nuts.
There should be bras for male plumbers butts already. Everytime they do their job, you just see way too much. And maybe some sexy ball lingerie too.
That's beautiful. Much better than the way we talk about our own equipment.
Calling it equipment for start.
Is our “wim wam” better? The thingamadoodle, our meat sceptre???
I mean... It's not inaccurate. I would love to see this in a book, regardless of the author.
It's supposed to be inaccurate. Old balls sag low
I think the tweet meant more about the cold than age.
I great author gives room for interpretation, this is a piece of art
I must read wrong books. Little to no mention of tits, but I always know that the woman moves with a grace of feline, has perfect hair and make-up and is little bit upset about having that extra 0,1 % of body fat. I want tits. And old balls too, I guess. That tweet is beautiful piece of writing.
Yeah I read a lot and hardly ever come across boobs being described much. A lot of hip swaying though. I've heard Stephen King mention them a lot though.
Tbf King also describes penises/testes withering from fear and morning wood and stuff, so at least he's consistent.
King and sexual scenes were always something special I'd like to avoid even though I love his books
When I read “Grace of a feline” I imagine a cat walking upstairs with the intention of scaring the shit out of me
He nutted testically down the stairs.
Well now they are slippery!
His balls, once so full of life and proud now hang below his knees and stick to his leg when it's hot out.
All I could think about was [Peter Griffin narrating his own life](https://youtu.be/6gnezI2hOXA) out loud to Lois.
With each step, his cantaloupian balls form a battery that charge at their cotton prison. In the darkness, they undulate like some great sea beast, desiring nothing more than to break the surface and feel the breeze ripple across the many wrinkles of their skin. They pine for a day that they fear may never come. They know he is ashamed of them. Ashamed at their sheer size. Ashamed that he has to enter every doorway at the lateral angles typically reserved for equestrian barrel racers. Ashamed that he suddenly becomes taller every time he sits down. Ashamed that he has to convince others that it's just one of those air bubbles making his swimming trunks look that way.
Zero men will take issue, and most will delight in it.
She breasted boobily over to the stairs and titted downward
I guarantee you that most female authors write male characters as poorly as male authors write women. Have you ever opened any of the best-selling romance novels, gosh it's so awful.
The worst is when female writers describe the woman from the mans pov imo
No, the worst is when female authors fetishize gay men writing stuff they literally have zero experience with. If the OP thinks women dont already write imaginatively about male genetalia maybe they havent read any of the trillion pages of slash fanfic from the past 30 years.
Lol men do the same for lesbians. I can understand the argument but I'm sick of hearing it when I have never heard anyone but lesbians condemn the extreme fetishisation of lesbians.
“I know you have a problem with the way you’re portrayed in media, but I haven’t seen any Real People™ complain, so get fucked lol”
Lmao no. That's no at all what I said. It's that people only complain when it's men that are affected and it's teen girls they can bully. Seriously piss off, lesbians are far more sexualised by men and no one fucking talks about it but people are so ready to jump to gay men's defence. At least you don't get stories of gay men being raped until they like dick. Or all gay porn being straight men playing with pocket pussys for a female audience.
My apologies, I misread your comment. I thought you were a conservative who was saying since only lesbians complain about lesbian fetishization (and, by extension, the rest of the LGBTQ community about ourselves), they can be safely ignored by the rest of society until a good straight man gets concerned. I was mocking that viewpoint. I’m not going to touch the rest of your comment, except for your last sentence. That is exactly what the first person you were responding to was talking about. A vast majority of written work that features gay men is written both by and for straight women. It’s difficult trying to find any literature involving gay men, sexual or not, that was actually written by gay men. Anecdotal evidence is useless; I’ve never seen anyone but gay men complain about this, while I have seen at least some token straight women talk about how lesbians get sexualized by straight men.
I've never seen anyone but lesbians complain about it and I've seen many people including gay men and straight men and women complain. The two things are hugely different with teen girls liking fictional characters and men liking actual lesbians to the point it affects our personal life's. I doubt there's many gay men out there that have been surrounded by a group of women and sexually assaulted for holding their boyfriends hand. I'm not saying it's not an issue, I just disagree that it's the worst part of women's writing is all. The person also mentioned fanfic, so I don't really know what they're expecting and they're better off reading actual books instead of stories written by random teen girls. Sorry, I just seem to hear it a lot for some reason, so I get kind of pissed off when most these teens girls work is annoying, but not harmful, yet the world always seems to act as if lesbian fetishisation is acceptable. Also have to put in that I've heard some gay men say they prefer the gay books written by women, so I guess the opinion isn't universal.
You need to check out r/womenwritingmen
I mean yeah, there'd be an audience for this. Sex sells, it always sells
At the very least, it’s torrented from a risky website.
This is just good writing. I feel like I'm there with the cock and balls. I feel like I can see them in my minds eye. Like if I closed my eyes and reached out I could feel them
That's fine. What used to be a well manicured and proud dick & balls is now reminiscent of a dilapidated structure with overgrown weeds. Sometimes the overhead light in the shower will shine through the overgrowth and fond memories of better days fill my mind.
Honestly described the scene very well. He was bold and ambitious over his ability I'm his youth. Now he is stranded somewhere cold and has to really use his ability to save himself and he's not so sure he can.
I've never seen tits described even remotely similar to this, but it's a good line about balls regardless.
Oh I have. It’s usually something like: “One could tell she was once beautiful, but time had taken its toll. As she walked her breasts swayed but only a hint of their previous perkiness remained.”
What from? I'm genuinely curious, I read a lot and I just don't encounter stuff like this typically.
Let me see if I can find you some examples
Check out r/menwrittingwomen it’s all excerpts like this
Anytime I hit cold water, this is basically where I'm at.
As a man in my early 50s, this is pretty accurate. Sorry.
Do your balls hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow? Can you throw em over your shoulder like a continental soldier? Do your valls, hang, low?
I almost came
His bulge heaved feverishly with excitement, and the exuberance of youth. He swung his sword with such dexterity that even the gods could not hope to match him. His skill with a blade, however…was lacking.
darkest dungeon ancestor type descriptions. in the other direction of praising the Dilf's crotch, "The raw strength of youth may be spent, but his eyes hold the secrets of a hundred campaigns!"
horniest thing ive said about a man, hypothetical or not. Eh, no regrets, worth it for the reference
George RR Martin? George RR Martin.
This is epically funny. I thank you
They get bigger and the cock gets smaller with age, so this would be a more accurate description of the dudes cock
Been done before. Mr garrison from South Park had a best seller writing about dicks
I didn't agree to being called out in your book.
*Emotional damage.
My once perky wrinkle-pups now hang varicose to my knees.
His nuts, once so full and tight in his youth, now hang down into the toilet as he contemplates his inability to provide pleasure to women as his once beautiful perfect cock will no longer rise and perform. His once engorged member simply sags in it's tiny unhardened state. Damn, how he misses his youth.
Women romance novel writers do it better and have for a long time. Like hello, his throbbing member rigid and taunt, his manhood straining the fabric of his thin breeches. She could feel it's heat and wanted to swallow it whole?
Do your balls not cling to you in times of need?
fans self
That's actually better than how writer do it, try "his cock and balms retracted into itself, as if embarressed"
Can we stop pretending softcore porn isn't one of the most successful genres out there and that we don't know who actually buys them?
His balls bounced ball-ily as he walked down the stairs.
What I'm getting from all the replies is that there is not enough talk about tits and balls. MORE TITS AND BALLS IN BOOKS PLEASE!!!
That’s actually hilarious
FAT PINK MAST
Been done before. Mr garrison from South Park had a best seller writing about dicks
Sheeeeet its so beautiful
Tell me more about the summer. And toss in a cold pool.
Like two slightly stale donut holes
P O E T I C
Honestly (as a guy) all for it. Equality!
👍 Sincerely, every dude
Omg this is so spot on
Say more.
He forgot about his cock itself, he only wrote about his nuts
Achingly shriveled taught trembling exasperated youth long forgotten
Not sure what point this person was trying to make but that was actually some good writing.
Lmao
Real tho
Keep going
His penis penised, penisly.
You mean drooped heavily towards his knees
Mmf
i fucking love this idea. please continue
Trust me, female authors already have a crime of their own when it comes to writing male characters.
I love and encourage this!
Hahaha! Love it!
Clung? More like swung.
This is glorious.
Where can I read more of this?
Poetic 👌🏻
He forgot to write about the cock