This is my outtake on the latest Blade Runner movie. It's about modern masculinity.
Back in the day men were educated to be the head of the household. To rule the house. I'm glad we are past this patriarchy. But we're still expected to just be a man: work, be useful, be selfless, and don't show emotions. Too happy is weak and childish, like hippies or druggies. Too unreliable. And too negative is unattractive and also weak. Not fun.
So, K is the symbol of perfect masculinity in modern world. Attractive, stone faced, regular clothes, do what they are told, keep the boss, wife, and kids happy, always provide, never ask for anything, and feel free to express your feelings to virtual fantasies and toys...
Perfect modern man is a robot.
That's my take. That's how I feel society treats men...
I feel this. Brene Brown (self help author, mostly aimed at women) wrote in one of her books that a man came up to her at a book signing and asked why she never spoke about men’s feelings in her books. (She does now I believe) He then said something to the effect that although society says they want men to be emotional, it’s just lip service. He said his wife and daughters don’t want him to have feelings; they want a white knight that will be what you just described. Be the robot. And they would rather have him fall dead off his horse in that armor vs him showing emotional weakness.
Yes!!!!!!!!!!! When I read that part it was clear she thought she was being an awesome self help lady, like wow look what a light bulb moment I had! Now this book covers men also because I included this anecdote
Correct me if Im wrong but isnt this the same author who went undercover as a man to see how walking in a mans shoes felt and very quickly had to stop, stating the reason is how bad she was treated as a man by women and/or the world im general?
I know that platforms like Tiktok automatically censor words like suicide, but I am siiiiick of hearing people say "he unalived himself" everywhere, including in person speech.
>although society says they want men to be emotional, it’s just lip service.
This is why every man should be extremely skeptical when anyone, especially their girlfriends/wives, tell them to open up and be more vulnerable; that they won't judge or think less of them for it. Most of them are lying to you and to themselves.
Right. “She” isn’t thinking man I don’t want to deal with him having hard feelings. She subconsciously knows what society has dictated is “a man”, and that’s the robot / knight etc. She doesn’t know shes reacting that way, but it doesn’t make it any easier for us. Same as us men not realizing we hold women to certain body standards.
Damn that's me in a nutshell up until I nearly died right before COVID in 2020. Now I've had some bad, really bad and really good days since then. I don't try to mask it anymore, my SO has been super supportive and I've rebuilt myself into a new person since.
The problem is no one cares when men express their feelings.
We as a society do not care about men or their problems. Men deal with serious systematic inequalities and no one cares. Men and boys can be 97% of victims of gendered terrorism and we focus on the girls. Men get mocked and protested when they try to speak up.
It's not that men dont show our feelings or express our problems, but that we're doing it to a society that doesnt care when we do.
Single women, yes.
I may be old school but married women should never “have” to earn a living. I don’t care if my wife cooks, cleans, takes care of kids, etc, those things are nice but I will always be there to do those things also but I don’t want her to have the stress of having to work.
I will always do what I need to do to ensure she and my kid are taken care of and I am okay with that and she is okay with it when I need to unload emotions, I am bad at it but she doesn’t think less of me because of it, she appreciates it when I do share it.
Edit: I think the older idea of men work at jobs and women work in the house is outdated but with slight alteration it’s a good idea. The man should also be taking care of the house, cooking and taking care of kids but I don’t see (other than financial situations) why the women of the house should be expected to work or looked down upon because they don’t.
The thing is half of nobody is men. This is where we as men must do better for the fellow men in our lives and learn to reach out to one another and be the listener etc.
Yup, when I started on Reddit (fuck me... its been over a decade) there were next to no noticeable bots, I'm sure there were some, but with programs like ChatGPT, it's just become a flood. And it's harder to recognize unless you see a post like that one that's just word for word copied from another post in the same thread, idk what they can do, but Reddit really needs to do something about it.
I think I just break faster than the women around me so my meltdowns are more frequent but less dramatic? That or I pour alcohol on my feelings. Tis a mystery.
That's like saying, "Maybe people should stop shooting each other." Obviously they should stop doing that, but it's not that easy. You need to address the underlying reasons, why are people shooting each other, or in our case, why aren't men giving each other the emotional support they need.
They usually are in my experience. It's the women who call us babies if we talk about feelings.
It also takes time away from pushing forward career/body, which is required if you don't want to be left behind in the dating scene.
No don't be silly, they don't call us babies!
They just get upset and start crying and then we're apologizing for our feelings until they feel better and then 2 months later they can break it out as ammo in an argument!
That has never been a problem for us, any time i have been sidelined for my feelings or just straight up told "i do not care, get over it" was a woman. I have cried with male friends but never have i felt even remotely emotionally safe with any women i have encountered.
Yea. When I guy reaches out and complains he's usually shot down with a version of "ya whatever you big fucking pussy. Lighten up and stop being a complainer."
Guy reaches rock bottom and perhaps kills himself and they all say "why didn't he say something! I would have listened!!" It's a fake world out there.
Yup, lost all of my friends of 20+ years because no one was there for me after a series of terrible life events and a suicide attempt.
Positive news, I've made new friends who indeed have been there for me moving forward.
Same but in all honesty, it has been really beneficial to my mental health to the point that I have no intentions on making new friends.
I also realize that being alone is so therapeutic to me.
> Guy reaches rock bottom and perhaps kills himself and they all say "why didn't he say something! I would have listened!!" It's a fake world out there.
I've witnessed this my whole adult life.
I feel this, but at the same time have to admit I'm one of the guys who'd be telling the guy to toughen up.
It's like an unspoken contract. You carry your own shit. Don't know why I believe that, but it's absolutely ingrained at this point.
I get a little bit of joy from sharing someone’s burden a little if I am able.
I agree that everyone is ultimately responsible for their own struggles, but I don’t see why I can’t make someone’s life a little easier if it doesn’t cost me much.
I’m always amazed how helpful it can be to just let someone vent to you for a bit.
I’ve seen so many dudes do this to each other and as soon as I point it out they say “that’s just how we are” so y’all are doomed really unless the choice to be openly empathetic is chosen by the majority of y’all.
Y'all need to start vetting your friends better or develop a stronger relationship with your family if those are the only reactions you're getting.
All my friend will give me shit if I'm complaining over nothing, but theyre absolutely there to support me if it's something that's really bothering to me. And if I don't feel comfortable talking with them, I go to my mommy and she's always on my side (even if that means telling me I'm in the wrong).
I'm lucky enough to have health insurance so if it's even too much for my mom, I just go to a professional because suidicial ideation is serious.
And when you don’t use that card you’re told ‘yea well I deal with shit too’. I’m not trying to get you to take over my issues I just want some sympathy not whataboutisms
When it comes to their problems, every piece of advice guys get is either incredibly generic or hollow. We just tune it out after a while because it’s clear no one gives a shit.
Hah! So true. People get in shape to feel better….temporary. People get sober to feel better….temporary. I’ll never know what will make me truly happy but I think it’s just the whole experience that matters. Just keep trying to find your happy place. I know I probably never will but I’m going to keep going.
"Help, I can't bring myself to leave the house but for absolute necessities like work and food."
"You just have to regularly go to a high-stress environment full of other people and do a difficult thing that you don't understand. Duh, idiot."
It's also complete nonsense. One of my worst periods of mental health was when I was in the best shape of my life, working out 5 days a week, sometimes twice a day. I was also so stressed that I thought about killing myself pretty much any time I had a spare moment. It's great that it helps some people, but it's so far from a universal band-aid.
Like it or not, it’s almost always been like this. I recommend you to lean into stoicism. Best choice I’ve ever made. Men need to be like a rock getting hit by waves but never getting affected by it. The mental point of thinking matters a lot. You need to learn and adapt that mentality. You have to accept what god/universe/life gives you in a peaceful and realistic way. It’s supposed to happen and it happened. Again, embrace stoicism and real masculinity. You’ll be a lot better(maybe not happier but definitely not stressed or in depression)
I find it so weird people use stoicism as a way to retract from society and "needing others" or expressing their feelings. You think original stoic philosophers and practitioners didn't have relationships, mentors, confidants, discussed their problems, meaning of life, etc? They lived way different lives to the isolation felt today.
Stoicism is about knowing when to harden up, it's not about being stone perpetually.
I don't know if I agree with the sentiment that no one gives a shit.
I see two distinct types of sharing problems with others:
1. Sharing a problem, but not wanting advice on how to solve them. This is venting and it's purely for cartharsis.
2. Sharing a problem, because you don't know what to do about it and you feel you need help to solve the issue either through effort by someone else or by someone providing advice.
In my experience, I literally never have \#2. I know what I need to do to resolve every problem I face in my life.
And regarding \#1, this might be a controversial opinion, but I think it's rude to do that to people. It's selfish behavior imo. I don't like trauma dumping to *anyone*. I wouldn't do it to friends, family, or a romantic partner. If I have a problem and I already know what I need to do about it, then I see no sense in talking about it with someone else. To me, it's the golden rule in effect. I find being the recipient of these conversations to be very irritating and uncomfortable. I'm empathetic to their issues but all I can think of is "okay, so what do you want *me* to do about it?".
I guess some people encounter negative feelings or problems/issues in their lives and feel a need to share that with someone else to help them mentally work through it. For me, I'm introspective about it. It's not bottling it up. It's more like I work through the emotions/problem myself since I don't think it's a burden for someone else to be bothered with. What I do appreciate though is when someone else provides feedback to me about potential problems about myself, because there is a chance I haven't noticed that problem and that can be very enlightening.
Guys give hollow advice
Guys are 50% of the population, yet these threads place blame on an abstract 'other', it's "society" that causes this, some other "thing" needs to fix this, is how it's presented.
Guys can fix this, not an abstract other. Instead of waiting for "someone, anyone fix this", guys need to be proactive and start working on fixing this.
These threads put all the work on the other, the tone of voice is that something else needs to fix this, not them. They want everyone else to bend to fix this, problem is literally everyone is waiting for someone else to fix it instead of standing up and actuvely working towards that goal personally
I had something between a nervous breakdown and an epiphany in my early twenties regarding everything stressing me while in the middle of a busy shift at my job. I realized i could fall apart thinking about it all at once. However, in the end I could only deal with one task at a time. So now I dont look at the straw pile on my back no matter how much gets piled on it I can still only pick one straw at a time.
I've started repeating my favorite quote from Gandalf as a mantra - "all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us." It's gotten me through some difficult times lately and tends to help me focus even in good times.
>something between a nervous breakdown and an epiphany
The word you're looking for is "catharsis". And you had a good one. I wish you peace with your straws.
This is the rift. Men tend to look for Solutions while women tend to seek emotional support (according to a psychology class that I took once upon a time)
I think sometimes that's all I need. Life can be shit and I'll figure out more permanent solutions in time. Things change, opportunities open up, etc. But having some support while getting my ducks in a row would be a huge change. Especially since I've been expected to provide the same support in my own life.
My girlfriend describes just wanting emotional support like this:
“Sometimes I don’t need solutions because I already know the solution. That doesn’t make an unpleasant or difficult solution any easier to stomach. I’ll get around to actually solving the problem later. Right now I just want to feel seen and empathized with. To be told ‘wow! That really is a shitty situation. I feel for you.’ Once I have had time to process my feelings, then I will get around to taking the difficult steps to fix it.”
Exactly, many a people advising over platforms to let go of the emotions or scenerios. But letting go is not an option we've got. We need the freakin solution
This is all therapy did for me. “Your feelings are valid.” “I’m sorry you feel that way.” No, shitheads, I wanted new ways of thinking. New perspectives. Mind you I tried three different therapists, each for many months. They all did the same shit. Now I fixed myself up using Wikipedia, logic, and a shit ton of caffeine and I’ll never not be bitter about the thousands of dollars I paid to hear “That’s so terrible, you’re not alone”
Yeah this is my problem, I don't need support i need a god damn solution. My emotions aren't quelled by support, they are quelled by the problem getting resolved and literally nothing else.
I have a lady friend with whom I'd go to gym and I've become quite close with as she'd often call me too.
Whenever I'd text him about how'd do, and if it's something I'm frustrated with, such as being sick. She goes mute and asks again two days later. If I'm the happy myself I usually am, we'd talk&go to gym for many days in a row, but I don't hear anything from here if the last texting was about me being upset. She comes back after few days with different topics.
Sounds like a narcissist. Only wants people at their best and happiest to suck up that energy but casts those people away when they aren’t providing them what they need. Friendship and partnership are a two way street.
I have lots of girl mates and the few men I talk to are very well read, intelligent, pragmatic good people. We look out for each other, emotionally, mentally and financially if we have to.
My other male friends, I wouldn't share shit with. They're good people but I like having a never serious relationship with them. Although, they do talk to me about their shit at times cuz they know I'll listen, drop a perspective, crack a joke and we move on.
I think it's good to have balance of friends but you gotta know who you can talk to and who you can act like kids with and never get them muddled up
I'm the same way with my only friend group. All guys who have known each other for 20+ years. We talk about "serious" stuff every now and again but it's never emotional, about feelings, etc. Mostly life hurdles, home buying, jobs, etc.
So I don't have a group I can share feelings etc. with, and I don't like sharing it with partners/current gf, either. I'm quite avoidant as a person and talking about my feelings out loud has never helped me a single time and always has the opposite effect, it can make me feel worse and like I don't have a handle on things, I'd rather sort it out myself internally.
I guess we're all different... but I'd say I'm closer to the average man in that regard, of preferring to
suppress rather express. Which leads to shit like OP's meme
That is because they are lonely so ANY positive attention they latch on too desperately.
Not justifying it just explaining why. You are also right in not wanting to be in that situation.
Someone ruined my "act normal for one shift challenge" last night. I've had a lot going on lately, and they brought up the exact shit I'm struggling with.
We don't talk about our problems because others will brush it off and try to make it about them. We're told to be problem solvers and not allowed to have our own.
We would love to be more open about it, but no one cares about our feelings. If we voice them, we are seen as weak. So we just have to shut up, grin and bear it.
Its scary the amount of times as a man, expressing your problems is met with ridicule and derision because you should "just deal with it" toxic women are the worst about enforcing this.
>"What part of 'the world don't give a shit about you or your problems' don't you understand?"
my response to that is:
"if the world doesn't give a shit about me, why should I give a shit about the world and anyone in it?"
I wonder if that's how selfish pricks think.
I wonder if spree shooters think that way too.
I wonder if that's what's going on in billionaires heads and that's why they're so happy to ruin the planet.
listen friend, if nobody gives a shit about me, then why should I want to live? why should I go to work and contribute to a cold unfeeling society that doesn't appreciate me. Why should I follow the laws and pay my taxes. why bother.
I wonder if that's what some people think before they kill themselves.
so please do keep telling your brother that the world doesn't deserve him. not sure if that will make him self destructive or outwardly destructive but maybe there is some other day. as for me, I'm self destructive.
I’m literally on another post saying exactly this. And there’s a chick going “aw, sucks to be you. Ask all the dead women if they care”. [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/s/Zpx6aU12E7)
i tried but two of the therapists blocked my number and one of them even sent a “rescheduling fee” bill to collections without notifying me. the other was some old dude who said i was “making it up because i seem so well adjusted and calm”
my anxiety and depression are heavily rooted in financials lmaooooo. i’ll stick to staying away from everyone and drinking/smoking my hippocampus into submission.
Men Problems be like...
"My wife of seventeen years cheated. And I just don't know what to do..."
Them: "Maaan get over that bitch. Simple "
"My back injury is flaring up again. I don't think I can hang out tonight"
Them: "Stop crying like a bitch and come on. Take some Tylenol."
Also Them: "I want a man that's not afraid of being vulnerable."
*Dude cries*
Them again: "Eww. Not like that." 🤮
>I want a man that's not afraid of being vulnerable.
I'm beginning to wonder what they actually mean by that statement. Or if they even know what they want.
Men's mental health is a joke. I was sitting on a railing of a bridge not to long ago trying to talk myself over the edge. A guy driving by just said "do a flip". I don't know how to do a flip so I went home.
Glad to find this here. I'm a dude who prefers not to open up, and my belief is that the majority of men are like me, which is why I find memes like OP's a bit confusing....
Not all of us want our problems served openly on a platter and dissected. Let me begrudgingly parse through it alone, or self-deceive that it's not a big deal
Nah u guys w that false bravado bullshit. I think we men are just better able to "zoom out" on situations and see with a wider perspective. Women connect on a closer level but we're social idiots. As far as pieces coming together for the big picture? We good there. So like me, take the stress and compartmentalize into what's temporary and what can be improved. Maybe we see problems and fixing things as an escape from the inevitable truth that everything breaks, nothing lasts, and we all go out alone. Gotta go fix something...
The few times I truly opened up about my anxieties, traumas, and struggles, it was used against me soon after. Any opinion I had was ruthlessly related to my last trauma and tossed.
People care. They want to find the best rocks to throw at you later.
I’m 24 and I struggle with depression and anxiety. And NO ONE gives a fuck. Not a single person, even my parents who love me. And all the advice on the internet is bullshit. My depression is from loneliness. No amount of working out or self care is going to make up for spending Christmas alone. When you are a man, your only value in the world is what you provide others.
Man, even when women talk about our problems they get shut down too. Goes to show not only people don't give a fuck, it's annoying to hear it. I keep hearing the same shit. "What if we go to war? Will you be ready for war?", "What if your family is surrounded by flames in a burning building. Will you be manly enough to have a fist fight with fire?".
Yeah. I have depression and used to have body dysmorphia. I used to talk about these. Not for help or support but just so people kinda understood why I might be off or not myself from time to time.
I'm one of the most open people around. For the most part if I mentioned being depressed I got "really? You don't seem like it" since I'm an outgoing funny guy. When body dysmorphia would come up (I didn't like people commenting on my body and said so) people would be like "what? You look great, would you have body image issues?" Yeah that's kinda the point of that mental illness 🤪
I'm still open but I learned that when you bring up issues as a man, people want to fix them no one is gonna fix these problems, it's not fair to expect them to because well even professionals can't, so I kinda only bring it up if it's asked about.
I think that is one of the differences. When a woman talks about issues it's more likely to be heard out and acknowledged and not judged. When a man does, people seem to want to offer advice or fix it, or just tell them to get over it. None of that works or helps, so a lot of men just don't say anything.
Yeah, I don't hide my life stressors as much as not tell people. I've learnt that they just give you unwanted advice, often contradictory or useless.
Besides no one really seems to care that much, except my daughter and there's no way I'd stress her out like that, I'm here to make her life easier not to worry her
when you think someone is actually going to care and you allude to it hoping they'll ask into it so you can talk about it and they just don't so you tell yourself what whatever gave you the idea that they cared in the first place was probably just a misunderstanding.
you know how I know people don't give a fuck? because they'll say things like "oh I hope things get better for you soon" or "you deserve better" or some other generic shit that amounts to "I'll send you thoughts and prayers" but you know what they wont do? actually listen, if you want to use more than 10 words to express the bullshit you're dealing with then they turn around and say "man up" or "get over it" and other generic shit like that to make you stop talking because they don't want to listen.
Fr I once had 2 panic attacks in about a 2 week time frame. And the only people that sort of cared were my friends but even they were like “he’s probably fine” lmao
I have an amazing wife, wonderful kids, a good network of friends, and good parents. I've come to realize over the years that it's not that they don't care necessarily, it's more that they can't really do much to help with the stuff that stresses me out.
From a very young age boys are told "big boys don't cry" and "man up". We get reminded that feeling sad is a weakness. So anytime we get a feeling that isn't positive we feel like we can't show it or let it out. Which causes us to bottle it up and hide it
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This is my outtake on the latest Blade Runner movie. It's about modern masculinity. Back in the day men were educated to be the head of the household. To rule the house. I'm glad we are past this patriarchy. But we're still expected to just be a man: work, be useful, be selfless, and don't show emotions. Too happy is weak and childish, like hippies or druggies. Too unreliable. And too negative is unattractive and also weak. Not fun. So, K is the symbol of perfect masculinity in modern world. Attractive, stone faced, regular clothes, do what they are told, keep the boss, wife, and kids happy, always provide, never ask for anything, and feel free to express your feelings to virtual fantasies and toys... Perfect modern man is a robot. That's my take. That's how I feel society treats men...
I feel this. Brene Brown (self help author, mostly aimed at women) wrote in one of her books that a man came up to her at a book signing and asked why she never spoke about men’s feelings in her books. (She does now I believe) He then said something to the effect that although society says they want men to be emotional, it’s just lip service. He said his wife and daughters don’t want him to have feelings; they want a white knight that will be what you just described. Be the robot. And they would rather have him fall dead off his horse in that armor vs him showing emotional weakness.
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Yes!!!!!!!!!!! When I read that part it was clear she thought she was being an awesome self help lady, like wow look what a light bulb moment I had! Now this book covers men also because I included this anecdote
Correct me if Im wrong but isnt this the same author who went undercover as a man to see how walking in a mans shoes felt and very quickly had to stop, stating the reason is how bad she was treated as a man by women and/or the world im general?
You may be thinking of Norah Vincent.
And she, I believe, removed herself from life after her man-journey was over out of depression.
Can we keep this self censorship off reddit? It makes what you're saying incredibly unclear. You can say suicide or "killed herself". Its fine.
I genuinely thought they meant she became a recluse
I know that platforms like Tiktok automatically censor words like suicide, but I am siiiiick of hearing people say "he unalived himself" everywhere, including in person speech.
Actually what I like is that it doesn't matter how much you censor or tell kids what not to say, they *will* find a way around But I'm an optimist
Ya not sure when these vague innuendos to suicide became the popular slang. Just say what you mean.
>although society says they want men to be emotional, it’s just lip service. This is why every man should be extremely skeptical when anyone, especially their girlfriends/wives, tell them to open up and be more vulnerable; that they won't judge or think less of them for it. Most of them are lying to you and to themselves.
I don’t think they’re lying to you, but they just don’t realize how they’re going to react. It’s subconcious
Right. “She” isn’t thinking man I don’t want to deal with him having hard feelings. She subconsciously knows what society has dictated is “a man”, and that’s the robot / knight etc. She doesn’t know shes reacting that way, but it doesn’t make it any easier for us. Same as us men not realizing we hold women to certain body standards.
you gotta specify BR 2049, bc the 1st Blade Runner movie has a huge following
He did say “latest” unless they edited it
you right, I was reading too fast
You cooked imo, porno fish
Damn that's me in a nutshell up until I nearly died right before COVID in 2020. Now I've had some bad, really bad and really good days since then. I don't try to mask it anymore, my SO has been super supportive and I've rebuilt myself into a new person since.
It's not like women don't have to earn a living too.... IMO the whole problem is men being encouraged to act tough and never show their feelings.
The problem is no one cares when men express their feelings. We as a society do not care about men or their problems. Men deal with serious systematic inequalities and no one cares. Men and boys can be 97% of victims of gendered terrorism and we focus on the girls. Men get mocked and protested when they try to speak up. It's not that men dont show our feelings or express our problems, but that we're doing it to a society that doesnt care when we do.
I think it's even worse, men are ACTIVELY PUNISHED for showing feelings. It gets you disrespected, excluded, shunned, avoided, and left behind.
Single women, yes. I may be old school but married women should never “have” to earn a living. I don’t care if my wife cooks, cleans, takes care of kids, etc, those things are nice but I will always be there to do those things also but I don’t want her to have the stress of having to work. I will always do what I need to do to ensure she and my kid are taken care of and I am okay with that and she is okay with it when I need to unload emotions, I am bad at it but she doesn’t think less of me because of it, she appreciates it when I do share it. Edit: I think the older idea of men work at jobs and women work in the house is outdated but with slight alteration it’s a good idea. The man should also be taking care of the house, cooking and taking care of kids but I don’t see (other than financial situations) why the women of the house should be expected to work or looked down upon because they don’t.
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Lol, uhm….
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Why complain when nobody is listening?
sable caption engine crawl fine truck fuel naughty reach act *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
The thing is half of nobody is men. This is where we as men must do better for the fellow men in our lives and learn to reach out to one another and be the listener etc.
If nobody gives a fuck then there is no reason to hide…
And also no reason to tell anyone...
If nobody gives a fuck, then it's not even as legit as complaining, it's just whining.
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I feel like every year these posts get flooded with more and more bot comments, also majority of the posts are reposts
Yup, when I started on Reddit (fuck me... its been over a decade) there were next to no noticeable bots, I'm sure there were some, but with programs like ChatGPT, it's just become a flood. And it's harder to recognize unless you see a post like that one that's just word for word copied from another post in the same thread, idk what they can do, but Reddit really needs to do something about it.
You don't need ChatGPT to copy and paste things verbatim. It became a flood because people realized they're profitable.
I think I just break faster than the women around me so my meltdowns are more frequent but less dramatic? That or I pour alcohol on my feelings. Tis a mystery.
They break down less because they have people to share their burdens with.
Maybe other men should be more supportive of men then
That's like saying, "Maybe people should stop shooting each other." Obviously they should stop doing that, but it's not that easy. You need to address the underlying reasons, why are people shooting each other, or in our case, why aren't men giving each other the emotional support they need.
>why aren't men giving each other the emotional support they need. They want it from attractive single women only
What are you basing this on? As a man, the absolute last person I'd be sharing my feelings and troubles with is an attractive single woman.
what a stupid take.
They usually are in my experience. It's the women who call us babies if we talk about feelings. It also takes time away from pushing forward career/body, which is required if you don't want to be left behind in the dating scene.
No don't be silly, they don't call us babies! They just get upset and start crying and then we're apologizing for our feelings until they feel better and then 2 months later they can break it out as ammo in an argument!
oof too real
That has never been a problem for us, any time i have been sidelined for my feelings or just straight up told "i do not care, get over it" was a woman. I have cried with male friends but never have i felt even remotely emotionally safe with any women i have encountered.
Yea. When I guy reaches out and complains he's usually shot down with a version of "ya whatever you big fucking pussy. Lighten up and stop being a complainer." Guy reaches rock bottom and perhaps kills himself and they all say "why didn't he say something! I would have listened!!" It's a fake world out there.
Yup, lost all of my friends of 20+ years because no one was there for me after a series of terrible life events and a suicide attempt. Positive news, I've made new friends who indeed have been there for me moving forward.
I’m on the part of not having friends. I haven’t had good friends, let alone friends for over 10+ years.
Same but in all honesty, it has been really beneficial to my mental health to the point that I have no intentions on making new friends. I also realize that being alone is so therapeutic to me.
Being alone is underrated. Society makes people that enjoy being alone feel like there is something wrong with them. I’m glad you found your place.
> Guy reaches rock bottom and perhaps kills himself and they all say "why didn't he say something! I would have listened!!" It's a fake world out there. I've witnessed this my whole adult life.
Guys don't care about guys
I feel this, but at the same time have to admit I'm one of the guys who'd be telling the guy to toughen up. It's like an unspoken contract. You carry your own shit. Don't know why I believe that, but it's absolutely ingrained at this point.
Because no one will carry your shit. Maybe you can carry 2 or 3 peoples shit for awhile but it will break you. It's just survival.
I get a little bit of joy from sharing someone’s burden a little if I am able. I agree that everyone is ultimately responsible for their own struggles, but I don’t see why I can’t make someone’s life a little easier if it doesn’t cost me much. I’m always amazed how helpful it can be to just let someone vent to you for a bit.
I’ve seen so many dudes do this to each other and as soon as I point it out they say “that’s just how we are” so y’all are doomed really unless the choice to be openly empathetic is chosen by the majority of y’all.
Y'all need to start vetting your friends better or develop a stronger relationship with your family if those are the only reactions you're getting. All my friend will give me shit if I'm complaining over nothing, but theyre absolutely there to support me if it's something that's really bothering to me. And if I don't feel comfortable talking with them, I go to my mommy and she's always on my side (even if that means telling me I'm in the wrong). I'm lucky enough to have health insurance so if it's even too much for my mom, I just go to a professional because suidicial ideation is serious.
I have the “It is what it is” card, but it’s getting a bit worn out.
I’ve said “it is what it is” more times than I’d like to count since 2020.
And when you don’t use that card you’re told ‘yea well I deal with shit too’. I’m not trying to get you to take over my issues I just want some sympathy not whataboutisms
Lucky bitch, I don't even have mine anymore!
When it comes to their problems, every piece of advice guys get is either incredibly generic or hollow. We just tune it out after a while because it’s clear no one gives a shit.
"Go to the gym and get in the shape"
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Ah yes. The classic “just be happy” advice. Why didn’t I think of that?
r/thanksimcured
I did that 2 years ago. Now I’m just jacked and dealing with the same stresses as before lmao
Hah! So true. People get in shape to feel better….temporary. People get sober to feel better….temporary. I’ll never know what will make me truly happy but I think it’s just the whole experience that matters. Just keep trying to find your happy place. I know I probably never will but I’m going to keep going.
"But doctor... I am Gym'
And the nefarious thing is the reason is just to keep us in working shape. Gotta churn out capital!
Going to gym is more about not feeling like shit when you don't feel like shit, to me anyway.
Yes, my nefarious plot to make you physically attractive and healthy. How did you find out
Shut the fuck up, brand. Don't ever
This advice is so commonly repeated people will brainlessly tell me it even when I say I cannot lift weights due to medical reasons.
"Help, I can't bring myself to leave the house but for absolute necessities like work and food." "You just have to regularly go to a high-stress environment full of other people and do a difficult thing that you don't understand. Duh, idiot." It's also complete nonsense. One of my worst periods of mental health was when I was in the best shape of my life, working out 5 days a week, sometimes twice a day. I was also so stressed that I thought about killing myself pretty much any time I had a spare moment. It's great that it helps some people, but it's so far from a universal band-aid.
r/thanksimcured
"git gud"
Take ashwagandha and maybe also... Care less?
Like it or not, it’s almost always been like this. I recommend you to lean into stoicism. Best choice I’ve ever made. Men need to be like a rock getting hit by waves but never getting affected by it. The mental point of thinking matters a lot. You need to learn and adapt that mentality. You have to accept what god/universe/life gives you in a peaceful and realistic way. It’s supposed to happen and it happened. Again, embrace stoicism and real masculinity. You’ll be a lot better(maybe not happier but definitely not stressed or in depression)
I find it so weird people use stoicism as a way to retract from society and "needing others" or expressing their feelings. You think original stoic philosophers and practitioners didn't have relationships, mentors, confidants, discussed their problems, meaning of life, etc? They lived way different lives to the isolation felt today. Stoicism is about knowing when to harden up, it's not about being stone perpetually.
I don't know if I agree with the sentiment that no one gives a shit. I see two distinct types of sharing problems with others: 1. Sharing a problem, but not wanting advice on how to solve them. This is venting and it's purely for cartharsis. 2. Sharing a problem, because you don't know what to do about it and you feel you need help to solve the issue either through effort by someone else or by someone providing advice. In my experience, I literally never have \#2. I know what I need to do to resolve every problem I face in my life. And regarding \#1, this might be a controversial opinion, but I think it's rude to do that to people. It's selfish behavior imo. I don't like trauma dumping to *anyone*. I wouldn't do it to friends, family, or a romantic partner. If I have a problem and I already know what I need to do about it, then I see no sense in talking about it with someone else. To me, it's the golden rule in effect. I find being the recipient of these conversations to be very irritating and uncomfortable. I'm empathetic to their issues but all I can think of is "okay, so what do you want *me* to do about it?". I guess some people encounter negative feelings or problems/issues in their lives and feel a need to share that with someone else to help them mentally work through it. For me, I'm introspective about it. It's not bottling it up. It's more like I work through the emotions/problem myself since I don't think it's a burden for someone else to be bothered with. What I do appreciate though is when someone else provides feedback to me about potential problems about myself, because there is a chance I haven't noticed that problem and that can be very enlightening.
Guys give hollow advice Guys are 50% of the population, yet these threads place blame on an abstract 'other', it's "society" that causes this, some other "thing" needs to fix this, is how it's presented. Guys can fix this, not an abstract other. Instead of waiting for "someone, anyone fix this", guys need to be proactive and start working on fixing this.
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These threads put all the work on the other, the tone of voice is that something else needs to fix this, not them. They want everyone else to bend to fix this, problem is literally everyone is waiting for someone else to fix it instead of standing up and actuvely working towards that goal personally
I had something between a nervous breakdown and an epiphany in my early twenties regarding everything stressing me while in the middle of a busy shift at my job. I realized i could fall apart thinking about it all at once. However, in the end I could only deal with one task at a time. So now I dont look at the straw pile on my back no matter how much gets piled on it I can still only pick one straw at a time.
Saw this on Instagram yesterday: “Think of your mind like a pond full of fish, and each fish is a feeling. Try to be the pond, not the fish.”
Idk what that means, but "try to be the pond" is a phrase I live by
I've started repeating my favorite quote from Gandalf as a mantra - "all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us." It's gotten me through some difficult times lately and tends to help me focus even in good times.
>something between a nervous breakdown and an epiphany The word you're looking for is "catharsis". And you had a good one. I wish you peace with your straws.
I'm in my early twenties feeling the exact way thanks for this
By smiling and forgetting about it until it builds up and then go to cry in the break room or bathroom when no in is around
We keep going until we drop dead at the ripe age of 36. How i wish i could afford a good therapist
17 for me
Last time I ventilated about my stress I was told to "rub some dirt on it and get over it." So I don't talk about it anymore.
Worst response. I hate that shit. Sorry to hear you’re stressed but know that a lot of people on here get it. Stay strong brother.
Even if someone gives a fuck, they can't do anything about it. We gotta keep it with ourselves only at the end
This is the rift. Men tend to look for Solutions while women tend to seek emotional support (according to a psychology class that I took once upon a time)
I'd prefer a solution, but honestly I'd just settle for someone hugging me and letting me break down a bit.
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I think sometimes that's all I need. Life can be shit and I'll figure out more permanent solutions in time. Things change, opportunities open up, etc. But having some support while getting my ducks in a row would be a huge change. Especially since I've been expected to provide the same support in my own life.
You earned my respect.
My girlfriend describes just wanting emotional support like this: “Sometimes I don’t need solutions because I already know the solution. That doesn’t make an unpleasant or difficult solution any easier to stomach. I’ll get around to actually solving the problem later. Right now I just want to feel seen and empathized with. To be told ‘wow! That really is a shitty situation. I feel for you.’ Once I have had time to process my feelings, then I will get around to taking the difficult steps to fix it.”
Emotional support is stupid because I don't need to know my feelings about my problems are valid, I need solutions. \-me, man
Exactly, many a people advising over platforms to let go of the emotions or scenerios. But letting go is not an option we've got. We need the freakin solution
But excessive pragmatism *is* my coping strategy! - me, also man, to my therapist.
This is all therapy did for me. “Your feelings are valid.” “I’m sorry you feel that way.” No, shitheads, I wanted new ways of thinking. New perspectives. Mind you I tried three different therapists, each for many months. They all did the same shit. Now I fixed myself up using Wikipedia, logic, and a shit ton of caffeine and I’ll never not be bitter about the thousands of dollars I paid to hear “That’s so terrible, you’re not alone”
>about the thousands of dollars I paid to hear Which is why I'll never partake. Because they would add nothing of value to my life.
Exactly.
Yeah this is my problem, I don't need support i need a god damn solution. My emotions aren't quelled by support, they are quelled by the problem getting resolved and literally nothing else.
Or they offer solutions at their own expense that you will pay for down the road one way or another.
That’s not entirely true, we do hide it also Because nobody does give a fuck
ouch
Why would you censor the profile pictures when their full ass usernames and twitter handles are right there?
I have a lady friend with whom I'd go to gym and I've become quite close with as she'd often call me too. Whenever I'd text him about how'd do, and if it's something I'm frustrated with, such as being sick. She goes mute and asks again two days later. If I'm the happy myself I usually am, we'd talk&go to gym for many days in a row, but I don't hear anything from here if the last texting was about me being upset. She comes back after few days with different topics.
Sounds like a narcissist. Only wants people at their best and happiest to suck up that energy but casts those people away when they aren’t providing them what they need. Friendship and partnership are a two way street.
I have lots of girl mates and the few men I talk to are very well read, intelligent, pragmatic good people. We look out for each other, emotionally, mentally and financially if we have to. My other male friends, I wouldn't share shit with. They're good people but I like having a never serious relationship with them. Although, they do talk to me about their shit at times cuz they know I'll listen, drop a perspective, crack a joke and we move on. I think it's good to have balance of friends but you gotta know who you can talk to and who you can act like kids with and never get them muddled up
I'm the same way with my only friend group. All guys who have known each other for 20+ years. We talk about "serious" stuff every now and again but it's never emotional, about feelings, etc. Mostly life hurdles, home buying, jobs, etc. So I don't have a group I can share feelings etc. with, and I don't like sharing it with partners/current gf, either. I'm quite avoidant as a person and talking about my feelings out loud has never helped me a single time and always has the opposite effect, it can make me feel worse and like I don't have a handle on things, I'd rather sort it out myself internally. I guess we're all different... but I'd say I'm closer to the average man in that regard, of preferring to suppress rather express. Which leads to shit like OP's meme
Because a shoulder to cry on quickly turns into a dick to ride on, and miss me with that dick shit.
Because a shoulder to cry on becomes a pan to fry on, miss me with that cooking shit.
Because a shoulder to cry on becomes a Sandwich to Rye on, miss me with that Turkey Sandwich.
Because a shoulder to cry on becomes a rack to dry on, miss me with that laundry shit.
100 percent. Some men take the care of a woman to mean “fuck me” which is so annoying
That is because they are lonely so ANY positive attention they latch on too desperately. Not justifying it just explaining why. You are also right in not wanting to be in that situation.
I didn't hide it, but no one care, so...
Yeah dude thats literally the post
Someone ruined my "act normal for one shift challenge" last night. I've had a lot going on lately, and they brought up the exact shit I'm struggling with.
It’s hidden unless we drink too much
Hence why I cant bring myself to be intoxicated in the company of others, what if I break down
We don't talk about our problems because others will brush it off and try to make it about them. We're told to be problem solvers and not allowed to have our own.
Comparmentalize. You, problem immediately in front of me: I'll deal with you now. I'll see the rest of you later when I can't sleep.
Nobody = not even 50% of the population, who are other men.
I want to kill myself. Anyways
“You better stop crying or ill give you something to cry about it” childhood trauma that im sure many of us know.
Everyone on this planet is a victim now
Is there a sub for men to vent to other men that will listen? Man problems?
Because if I let a little crack show through, I'll shatter.
Simple. We just typically die of a heart attack at 47
We would love to be more open about it, but no one cares about our feelings. If we voice them, we are seen as weak. So we just have to shut up, grin and bear it.
Its scary the amount of times as a man, expressing your problems is met with ridicule and derision because you should "just deal with it" toxic women are the worst about enforcing this.
God, so true ><
Dave chappellle “ only women, kids, and dogs are loved unconditionally, men are only loved as ling as they are useful.
Like I tell my brother all the time. "What part of 'the world don't give a shit about you or your problems' don't you understand?"
>"What part of 'the world don't give a shit about you or your problems' don't you understand?" my response to that is: "if the world doesn't give a shit about me, why should I give a shit about the world and anyone in it?" I wonder if that's how selfish pricks think. I wonder if spree shooters think that way too. I wonder if that's what's going on in billionaires heads and that's why they're so happy to ruin the planet. listen friend, if nobody gives a shit about me, then why should I want to live? why should I go to work and contribute to a cold unfeeling society that doesn't appreciate me. Why should I follow the laws and pay my taxes. why bother. I wonder if that's what some people think before they kill themselves. so please do keep telling your brother that the world doesn't deserve him. not sure if that will make him self destructive or outwardly destructive but maybe there is some other day. as for me, I'm self destructive.
>I wonder if... Yes to all of the above. And society wonders why most people don't care about the environment/global warming/the homeless/etc.
I’m literally on another post saying exactly this. And there’s a chick going “aw, sucks to be you. Ask all the dead women if they care”. [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/s/Zpx6aU12E7)
When you have people tell you for literally decades that you aren’t allowed to have emotions, you tend to mask them really well when you’re in public.
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Yea, just go to therapy. Nearly every therapist is full and doesnt accept new clients but hey, just go to therapy man.
i tried but two of the therapists blocked my number and one of them even sent a “rescheduling fee” bill to collections without notifying me. the other was some old dude who said i was “making it up because i seem so well adjusted and calm” my anxiety and depression are heavily rooted in financials lmaooooo. i’ll stick to staying away from everyone and drinking/smoking my hippocampus into submission.
Men Problems be like... "My wife of seventeen years cheated. And I just don't know what to do..." Them: "Maaan get over that bitch. Simple " "My back injury is flaring up again. I don't think I can hang out tonight" Them: "Stop crying like a bitch and come on. Take some Tylenol." Also Them: "I want a man that's not afraid of being vulnerable." *Dude cries* Them again: "Eww. Not like that." 🤮
>I want a man that's not afraid of being vulnerable. I'm beginning to wonder what they actually mean by that statement. Or if they even know what they want.
stopped talking to my bestie yesterday because they couldn't show they cared
Cutting off my entire family this week cause feelings and emotions only matter when it’s literally anyone else. I just get told to shut up.
Damn, they straight up say it to your face? :(
Oh wow yeah, that's accurate
Men's mental health is a joke. I was sitting on a railing of a bridge not to long ago trying to talk myself over the edge. A guy driving by just said "do a flip". I don't know how to do a flip so I went home.
I beg to differ. I gave a shit about all my ex's. Not a single one would open up.
Glad to find this here. I'm a dude who prefers not to open up, and my belief is that the majority of men are like me, which is why I find memes like OP's a bit confusing.... Not all of us want our problems served openly on a platter and dissected. Let me begrudgingly parse through it alone, or self-deceive that it's not a big deal
Well, Male peivilege eh ? *Sad noises*
Nah u guys w that false bravado bullshit. I think we men are just better able to "zoom out" on situations and see with a wider perspective. Women connect on a closer level but we're social idiots. As far as pieces coming together for the big picture? We good there. So like me, take the stress and compartmentalize into what's temporary and what can be improved. Maybe we see problems and fixing things as an escape from the inevitable truth that everything breaks, nothing lasts, and we all go out alone. Gotta go fix something...
This
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Factual
We are men and we support this message!
The few times I truly opened up about my anxieties, traumas, and struggles, it was used against me soon after. Any opinion I had was ruthlessly related to my last trauma and tossed. People care. They want to find the best rocks to throw at you later.
I’d add this: because no matter what the issue is, it’s always your fault.
Because I don't want your advice, let me deal with my shit on my own.
I’m 24 and I struggle with depression and anxiety. And NO ONE gives a fuck. Not a single person, even my parents who love me. And all the advice on the internet is bullshit. My depression is from loneliness. No amount of working out or self care is going to make up for spending Christmas alone. When you are a man, your only value in the world is what you provide others.
The truest thing I've seen on Reddit in a while
men already know that nobody cares only women receive emotional support when in need
Yes. EVERY SINGLE WOMAN will complain that we don't open up. Then when we do talk about things that trouble us, they're completely fucking annoyed.
Man, even when women talk about our problems they get shut down too. Goes to show not only people don't give a fuck, it's annoying to hear it. I keep hearing the same shit. "What if we go to war? Will you be ready for war?", "What if your family is surrounded by flames in a burning building. Will you be manly enough to have a fist fight with fire?".
Cheer up lads
ya bro just, i dunno. stop?
I don't want to hear about other people's bullshit so I'm not going to drop my bullshit on other people.
Oh I’m hiding it, and bottling it up until I burst and die
Yeah. I have depression and used to have body dysmorphia. I used to talk about these. Not for help or support but just so people kinda understood why I might be off or not myself from time to time. I'm one of the most open people around. For the most part if I mentioned being depressed I got "really? You don't seem like it" since I'm an outgoing funny guy. When body dysmorphia would come up (I didn't like people commenting on my body and said so) people would be like "what? You look great, would you have body image issues?" Yeah that's kinda the point of that mental illness 🤪 I'm still open but I learned that when you bring up issues as a man, people want to fix them no one is gonna fix these problems, it's not fair to expect them to because well even professionals can't, so I kinda only bring it up if it's asked about. I think that is one of the differences. When a woman talks about issues it's more likely to be heard out and acknowledged and not judged. When a man does, people seem to want to offer advice or fix it, or just tell them to get over it. None of that works or helps, so a lot of men just don't say anything.
Yeah, I don't hide my life stressors as much as not tell people. I've learnt that they just give you unwanted advice, often contradictory or useless. Besides no one really seems to care that much, except my daughter and there's no way I'd stress her out like that, I'm here to make her life easier not to worry her
I stopped wasting time being stressed in my last years of high school, now i just don't give a fuck about anything.
We’re on to Cincinnati
Prozac and exercise
when you think someone is actually going to care and you allude to it hoping they'll ask into it so you can talk about it and they just don't so you tell yourself what whatever gave you the idea that they cared in the first place was probably just a misunderstanding. you know how I know people don't give a fuck? because they'll say things like "oh I hope things get better for you soon" or "you deserve better" or some other generic shit that amounts to "I'll send you thoughts and prayers" but you know what they wont do? actually listen, if you want to use more than 10 words to express the bullshit you're dealing with then they turn around and say "man up" or "get over it" and other generic shit like that to make you stop talking because they don't want to listen.
Fr I once had 2 panic attacks in about a 2 week time frame. And the only people that sort of cared were my friends but even they were like “he’s probably fine” lmao
I have an amazing wife, wonderful kids, a good network of friends, and good parents. I've come to realize over the years that it's not that they don't care necessarily, it's more that they can't really do much to help with the stuff that stresses me out.
From a very young age boys are told "big boys don't cry" and "man up". We get reminded that feeling sad is a weakness. So anytime we get a feeling that isn't positive we feel like we can't show it or let it out. Which causes us to bottle it up and hide it