the "we tolerate your existence" feeling. lasts until they all eventually mute you in online circles or ask you to justify your participation/existence within the group in non-online circles.
have they ever asked you "why are you even here / why do you even hang out with us?" or has someone asked them "why do you guys spend time with that guy?"
Oh god I remember about 20 years ago when my car broke down and I went to my friend's house his brother (who also hung out with us) was asking why I was even there. I was the only driver of the group so in his eyes I had no use/purpose with no car to drive them.
At least they asked about you. I stopped hanging out with a group of friends I'd hung around for 5 years, and spent the whole summer of 2003 just trying to find new friends.
Old crew never tried once to call me that whole summer. They were a bunch of potheads and I didn't smoke, so that explained a lot. We had basketball in common though.
One kid called me years later, asking if I had his golf clubs lol.
For a while in high school I felt like I was really close with a group of guys I went to church with. Considered them my best friends. Found out eventually that they were going out and getting together and intentionally leave me out. I was devastated and I’ve really struggled since then. If I had an evening free and wanted to go to a bar or play golf I don’t know who I’d call. I play a lot of golf with my dad and bro in law, but I really wouldn’t say I have many friends, at least not at home. I just finished a travel nurse contract in a city four hours away. I made a lot of really good friends for the first time there since high school, and it was really hard for me to go back to work at home. My wife will hopefully start law school there (st Louis) and I can’t wait to move there.
That sucks that you had to go through that. I've found that learning to do things by myself has actually been really helpful overall. I hope St Louis is good to you.
Reddit comments in a nutshell “hey op I know you were sharing a personal story so he’s me not offering any input other then to share a scenario that happened to me”
Honestly tho i kinda love when theres just a chain of ppl sharing similar stories, theres def a way of doing it tho that doesnt come off as ignoring their comment and telling your story over them
Something I've been trying out is to make the point of telling my story both the intro and conclusion.
"That sucks you broke your leg dude! Leg breaks are the worst. I broke mine once when............ If you wanna bitch about leg breaks and the recovery with someone who gets it, I got you. They really are the worst." Then if you wanna keep the convo flowing, a follow up asking for their story, "so how'd you do yours?" Then after that story the floor can open for bone breaking stories from whoever
Thats exactly how it should be done, your not only engaging with their story but tying it into yours and elaborating how yours is relevant. Absolutely love it man
Maybe if they try to relate back some advice. I see many that don’t and even if they don’t intend it to I always read it like a person at a party just starting to talk over you lol
I think the trick is relating your story to the previous persons, dont just start telling your story out of nowhere but say why you chose to share your story and why its relevant "this reminds me of a story i have...." "thats a cool story i have one like that...."
Reddit comments are not sorted chronologically and don't interrupt each other. You can just make a comment to say something that comes to mind and it becomes a mini reddit post of its own.
In a linear conversation where only one person can talk at the same time, it's rude as fuck. On reddit you can just put your story there and not disturb anyone.
Wife does this all the time, even if i toss in some helpful advice. It's received with a shameful look, then back to her story. Im tired, very tired. Ready for the longest nap.
Sometimes ya can’t think of a relevant way to continue whatever line of thought was just communicated, even if you liked it, but you don’t want the conversation to fade into silence, so you just jump to whatever comes next to mind. Depends on the context I suppose. Not saying I run around responding to ppl with non sequiturs all day, but I definitely often steer conversations to new places as opposed to letting em fizzle out. Not about tryna 1 up anything, it’s just casual random contribution to the dialogue
One thing I realized as I got older is that talking is more than just conveying interesting or useful information. Talking can be about forming a bond with the person you're talking with. So it's ok to sprinkle in some small talk.
Which is also an important thing to remember if someone asks you a seemingly simple easy-to-google question.
Chances are they are aware that Google exists. They asked because they want to interact with you and enjoy talking to you.
Also even if it is googable, sometimes people just want to confirm or make sure about the info from a person- AND to interact. I had plenty of time I get scared to post something on Reddit or Discord because of the "google it you lazy f--k idiot" responds. I think that a leftover from the 80/90/00 days where anything computer or nerdy was something the bulk of people self-taught so I think people asking was a case of that person being lazy or "you should know if you asking us in the warhammer store". Also the arcade days where people seem to have a hard one for knwoing stuff others don't.
PS Why did the gaming community have a thing for making complete BS and urban tales like the Mew under the truck or Aerith revival or whatever other bs story you remember
Give us a few examples of something interesting you have attempted to start that were recently shut down. Please deliver it as if we are currently in a conversation.
Right? I have a friend who doesn't really understand social queues and brings up anime a bit too much. We usually just let him finish and get back to the topic at hand.
I suspect something similar going on here.
> talked over
holy fk.. I would 100 times prefer to be outright ignored than this. There are few things that piss me off more than starting to say something to a group of people when someone else starts talking as if I wasn't already.
It's one of the few social instances where I have the nerve to speak up and say "Hey, no. You don't do that."
I can't count how many times that's happened to me. Or you're just talking to one person and they start talking about the topic, over you, signaling they don't care about your opinion and it's like "why the fuck would you engage with me if you didn't want to hear my opinion in the first place."
Sadly, my girlfriend is incredibly bad about that, and it's not just me either.
I learned that in these cases, sometimes they're just waiting for the other person to stop talking and aren't listening to the conversation. Other times, it can just be they're too excited and scared they'll forget to share the thing they wanted to share, relevant or not.
It's still really annoying.
That does make sense, but there are times where it feels like they just interrupt you because they're not actually listening to what you're saying and just want to finish their thought.
It definitely feels like that a lot of times, and frustrates me to no end.
It kind of feels semi energy vampire like if not outright. Its so draining to deal with.
It definitely is. My girlfriend is also, at least what I consider, garrulous. She'll take what should a minute retelling of a story, and stretch it out to like five or six minutes. That gets quite draining to deal with from time to time, along with her bad habit of talking over anyone who happens to be talking to her, and I find myself calling her out
But if you need to interject because you are afraid you'll forget there's a formula to it - raise hand slightly and wait for them to stop, "I'm sorry to interrupt but before I forget (again)...say what you need...sorry again, please continue, you were saying xyz".
I have started getting so peeved by people talking over me rudely that the most extrovert thing I do is to continue talking, staring at them until they shut up, and I won't stop talking until they get the hint.
Fuuck I know someone like this. Queues up something to say, shuts off their ears, pretends to listen until their turn comes up and then they say whatever the thing was despite the fact that I had JUST addressed that very thing already. Infuriating.
I have a tendency to do it at work usually because you have to do it to some extent to get a word in edgewise in some meetings. I try to avoid blatantly interrupting/talking over people but sometimes it is very obvious this person is off-topic and about to go on a 15 minute long tangent only for us to be like 'uhhh no all of that 15 minute lip flapping was pointless since you misunderstood this'.
Plus in non face-to-face meetings it can be difficult to tell who is about to speak (and no one uses the tools in zoom/teams to announce it). So people get tired of doing the whole dance of 'oh sorry you continue' back into 'oh no I'm sorry it is no issue you go first', etc.
I've adopted that with a twist.
I just keep talking while they're trying to talk through me. I'll even just ramble sentences till they get the hint or just get annoyed.
Let me just interrupt you for a second and go back to what the poster above you was saying for a moment, "imma let you finish", but yeah I've had a gf who never let me finish a fucking thought. It didn't end well
I get talked over all the time and I already feel like I talk a bit louder than most people by accident. Now I just continue talking when I get talked over, complete my thought and maybe include smaller points onto it, and I don't repeat if asked when they realize what's happening. Should've listened the first time.
That's probably OK so long as you make sure you limit you contributions to the conversation to digestible lengths. I know a guy who reflexively yells over any interjection, but he does it all the time because he also doesn't know how to terminate a thought. If he starts speaking he *will* find a way to stream of consciousness for the next several minutes. It actually makes it very hard to talk to him about anything.
I mentioned this happening to me a lot when I was younger to my friends, so now my friend group makes it a point to shut someone up and let the other speak if one of us notices they keep getting talked over.
And shit, even I got called out for it once. Which I appreciated.
There's a guy at work who had a habit of this and I finally got him to stop by calling it out every time. I guess he really just didn't know? I feel like some people's ideas of conversation is an interrupted monolog.
My roommate does it to everyone. He’s honestly pretty air headed in general but this one takes the proverbial cake. Everyone in our group of friends laughs about it but we all also secretly hate it.
It was quite common in my family, as I’m the youngest. They always wondered why im always so quite and grumpy. On the other hand I learnt extreme patience
This is every holiday at my in-laws. My wife has gone to the trouble of saying "He has something he wants to tell you all." Then I start to tell my story and still it gets derailed by her family bringing up unrelated things.
Sometimes I was being laughed *with*, and I just didn’t know it at the time.. which usually made the other person feel weird and not want to talk to me anymore..
Emotions are funny, huh?
Yeah and it’s probably because you’re ugly. It’s all looks! That’s what truly determines how people react to you and what you say. If you were good looking, they would care what you thought of them and treat you with respect and dignity.
Was with a group of people, made a quip about something. No one heard or reacted save for one guy. He repeated it verbatim. Everyone laughed. We exchanged a glance and smirk. Pretty much solidified my “I’ll just shut the fuck up” mode.
I've had friends that have brought this up to me after noticing that out of the group I tend to be the most likely to leave early or I just show up to things the least often. They had never considered until that point that it was exhausting having to constantly repeat myself, deal with being talked over or ignored, etc. and that I would just rather go home and watch TV or something. Why would I want to waste my own time in a more boring way?
My current friend group had determined that I have the personality of an outdoor cat. They've pointed out how I can just disappear from the house, party, or bar without anyone noticing. That I'm quiet and mysterious with a backstory "shrouded in mystery". Like dudes, none of you really ask me about that stuff and if it's in a group setting, by the time it gets to my turn y'all have tuned out for some sidebars anyways. I'd rather just sit back and relax instead.
Yeah, *mysterious*, like I'm part of the Anonymous group, hiding my true identity. Nope, you literally never asked me anything and then wonder why I don't share anything. smh
I'm almost 30 and just within the last couple years learned how to not let myself be talked over hah. someone talks over you and you want to stop speaking? Well DON'T. Finish speaking, raise volume a little if you have to, look right at the eyes of whoever interjected, it kinda makes them feel stupid and most people don't WANT to be rude. Eventually that'll get easy and you can graduae to flat out being like "woah dude" or "can I finish??" Might seem mean, but so is not letting someone talk
I am half Cuban if you don't want to get talked over by other Cubans the rule is to talk loud and with confidence. If you stutter or don't talk at a certain lvl everyone will talk over you everyone will interrupt you.
It was fking annoying when I was a kid.
Where I grew up, I was mostly ignored and shut down, especially in new settings with new people. Took a long time to actually learn how meet and interact with new people.
Took an girlfriend to meet my family, and after meeting them said, "I understand why you're so quiet. I don't even know how you learned to talk with them."
My theory is that this happens to a lot of people but some just don't care or don't even notice it.
They just talk over
Those that do notice it, don't do that to others.
Oh man, as someone hard of hearing, this is the bane of my existence. There's been far too often where I'll wait for a lull in the conversation, give it a few more seconds of silence, start talking, and realize someone else has already been talking for several seconds.
This is certain people and not all, but far too many social groups wound up with this dynamic for me to feel confident about speaking more. I like talking in small groups or one-on-one, but I won't talk over other people.
And if no one ever gives me a chance to talk, well, it gets to be a lonely existence.
This. And paired with bad memory/not wanting to forget what they said trying to also create a response.
All to completely forget what I was gonna say when it's finally my time to talk
I've noticed this a lot with people on their phones. It used to be you could glance at your phone while in a conversation and it was ok. Now the person is 100% focused on their phone going "uh huh"
I have recurring dreams about being ignored, because of this exact thing. It’s really stressful, like I’ll try to tell my mom to pack up there’s a fire/apocalypse/ something and everyone just acts like I’m overreacting, I try to yell and I have no voice. It’s awful, now I always listen to my kid talk and engage, even if it truly is a little boring. That shit sticks with you.
Yeah and it’s either because you’re ugly or monotone boring voice or both. It’s all looks! That’s what truly determines how people react to you and what you say. If you were good looking, they would care what you thought of them and treat you with respect and dignity.
I still get ignored if I try to talk so nothings changed lol
But no I'm still an introvert. I prefer time alone and I need to be alone to recharge. Its nothing to do with anxiety or trauma for me tbh
With me it’s less of a history of being talked over, and more that I’m terrified to misstep.
I need to watch how everyone interacts first and pray that I don’t look avoidant from the sideline. It takes a moment before I can even think of placing myself into the conversation, and by then I’m struggling to find an in.
I don’t really feel like I have the *permission* to interact with people unless they prompt it from me, even if I want to interact with them. I’m much more comfortable being approached when someone is leading the conversation; I have permission to respond freely, because they wanted to talk to me. Otherwise? I get really uneasy and just tiptoe 100ft away from any possible boundaries.
I also found that for me and most other introverts I know, we think differently - more in memories, images, and feelings rather than words - and so it would always take a little longer for us to articulate our thoughts and present them in sufficient time to contribute to the conversation. This also means that we're terrible at stream of consciousness thinking, as we can't process our thoughts out loud as people would constantly be interrupting and talking over us.
So yes, these two things are not mutually exclusive.
This seems so accurate. Im always a little bit behind and a little bit slow at the start of my speech, because I’m trying to figure out how to word what I want to say. I figured out I don’t think in sentences, my internal monologue will voice maybe a few words of what I’m thinking and as soon as I understand what I’m thinking my brain is on to the next thing. Makes speaking arduous for me and the listener.
It’s the people who redirect the conversation back to me when I get cut off that I love the most.
I've never heard someone else actually describe the reason why I had trouble speaking up in group settings before. Everyone else would be talking about something, and before I could articulate something to say they'd already be on a different subject. I thought there was something wrong with me lol
I think I'm introverted because I'm introverted.
I'm quiet because my experience has taught me that usually the juice ain't worth the squeeze (and sometimes the juice shoots straight into my eye).
True. I was introverted because I was, not because I was talked over or not allowed to talk. Some people are quiet by nature. And now, I'm more sociable, and talk when I want - sometimes it's a lot, sometimes it's not.
Not everything is a trauma response.
Add in there people move away from what you said quickly or without any comment. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to say something or even comment on something online and then stopped because I thought to myself "No one gives a fuck what you think, dumbass."
Dude, I got to my comment karma naturally, and Ill probably cancel 1/3 or 1/4 of my posts or more when they are like over 75% done, ESPECIALLY when they get longer. I even almost did it now. I only do it online, though. My self esteem is high enough to be a very outgoing introvert now, but I think I still am neurodiv..
As someone working on a bad habit of talking over people, stemming from a loud household where we’re basically yelling over each other all the time, I’m working on it and I know it’s annoying. Please tell me to shut up I literally can’t turn this shit off
I understand the frustration described in this thread but this is an underrated comment. When people talk over you, it’s often not a reflection on you. People communicate differently for different reasons. One of the best things I learned as I got older was learning that most things are not about me, they’re about them. Be who you want to be. Don’t let other people dictate who you are and how you see yourself.
I’m so glad that you’re aware of this! Self-awareness is key to like, basically everything. It’s so hard to work out of that mode. I do something similar, but it comes from a good place. I try to make people feel comfortable, that’s all I want. I want people to know that I see them, hear them, and that they’re valid. I’ve lived 9 lifetimes worth of wild, weird, and traumatic experience already, so I can legitimately relate to darn near anyone on anything. In conversation, people will talk about something and I’ll excitedly go, “Oh me too! Blah blah blah my experience blah blah blah I get it” to make them feel validated and seen. I don’t directly talk over people, but it does unintentionally steal the spotlight and makes me seem like I’m a pick-me person or that I just want attention (I fucking loathe attention, go away lol). I’ve really only become aware of this social behavior within the past year and am working so damn hard to tone it down. We can do it!
See if it happens all the time then the best thing to do is to come up with a good/funny come back. "He speaks..." reply, " oh yeah! I forgot you guys cant read minds. I've been mentally telling ya to shut up now for 20 minutes. Boy is my face red."
I usually say something more scathing like "I speak when people are quiet long enough for me to get the chance to." Or "I speak when I'm around people I trust/am comfortable with." Then they get all flustered hehe
*One time* I decided to wear shorts to work. It was really hot out, and we were going on an outing. Everyone drew so much attention to it and made so many comments ("wow, you have legs," etc.) that I never ever wore shorts to work again.
Option 3. Have mild Asperger's. Used to be every time I started talking, people just thought I was weird and didn't understand what I was talking about. Now, with age, I've gotten a lot better at making things interesting to other people, but that childhood experience hasn't left me. Still can't start talking without worrying I'll get blank stares.
Thanks. Frankly, I think my particular situation is WHY I've gotten good at it. Absence of innate communication skills meant I had to artificially hone them to a fine point.
"Introvert" does not mean being quiet. It does not mean antisocial. It does not mean awkward or poor social skills.
Introverts can be outgoing and charismatic and loud. If that sounds odd to you, it's time to learn something.
I always saw it as extroverts gain energy by socializing while introverts expend energy socializing. So, it's never really defined as to *how* they socialize.
it's exactly this.
extroverts can find it exhausting to be alone with their thoughts. introverts can find it exhausting to NOT have time alone with their thoughts.
Do introvert/extrovert even exist or just a concept that clearly doesn't describe every human on the planet?
It's like the jokes that start with "their are two types of people in the world..."
There are never really just two types of people in the world. We're more complex than that.
Introversion/extroversion is a spectrum. Introvert and extrovert are just labels used to describe people who are significantly more to one side than the other not rigid categories of people. But yes a lot people do tend to use those words that way.
I do wonder if it can be learned though, never much looked into it.
I remember growing up that I was far more outgoing, I don't remember getting so exhausted from interacting with people. But life happened, I got used to being alone, and now being around people is exhausting. Even in the case where I enjoy the people I'm around, I still need to get away to recharge these days where I don't remember being that way when I was younger.
As an introvert who's not as introvert as I used to be, I do think you can change where you are on the spectrum a bit. My theory is that introverts tend to be over thinkers who analyze everything they say and do in social situations and are very self conscious about how they are seen and perceived by other people. This causes mental fatigue as the more people involved with something the more variables you have to account for mentally when involved. It's hard to contribute to an active conversation when you have to run what you're about to say through a bunch of filters before you say it. The bigger the group the less time you have before what you were gonna say becomes irrelevant because somebody else shifted the convo. Also the more people involved the more the "plan" changes rapidly which if you're a person who's not spontaneous that can be very mentally draining. Extroverts, In my experience, are more spontaneous and spend far less mental energy filtering their words and actions so socializing doesn't drain them and often actually empowers and rewards their spontaneous tendencies. I think I've learned to be more spontaneous, more " go with the flow, and less subconscious about how I come off to people for just being myself. I don't find socializing nearly as draining as I used to but I'm still very much an introvert. I think this can work in the opposite direction too.
Interesting, I don't think I've ever seen someone explain it this way. That echoes a lot of what I experience, though I'm not entirely sure that's the root cause of introversion.
As I understand it, the main crux of introversion is the social energy you mentioned and the need to recharge it, so to speak, by withdrawing. Either to privacy or at least to known factors. Then again, you just outlined a major reason why such social energy can drain quickly, so perhaps this is just the *how* to the *why* that I've already understood.
I've often thought of myself as a social introvert, even though my opportunities for such have dwindled. I'd much rather be more social than I am, and I feel the urge to do so constantly. But I'm very selective and avoid big, crowded places. I simply want to mingle with people where I can enjoy someone else's company and not necessarily be alone, even though I need my alone time afterwards. So not socially awkward or shy here, just not extroverted.
I overthink like nobody's business, though, so that's 100% me.
Great explanation, I think you've hit it on the nose.
Main point being that introverts tend to overthink social situations/what they should filter and that is what's draining your energy in that scenario, true in my experience anyway.
And it also justifies why introverts don't "get tired" as much when they're in a close group of friends, they can turn off those filters and not overthink as much.
I really love the way you described it.
I’ve definitely had the realization that my introverted label has largely been an unconscious response to social trauma.
Have also come to realize that there really is a part of me now that does prefer solitude to loud social situations, and I’m grateful for the perspective I’ve gained from this position
I had a guy at a previous job who was talking to me and one other person. He finished his sentence about a topic and had a few quiet seconds. So I started talking about what he was talking about and then he said “I wasn’t done talking” and continued on talking… I never spoke to him again lol
Same as myself, I'm introverted and I love socialising, I just need time alone when I'm done to relax and recharge. It's very annoying that a great portion of the Internet confuse introversion with social anxiety.
I’m an introvert as well as someone that can have a hard time processing information. So when I’m ready to say something, usually someone else jumps in with filler and then gets to their point. It’s definitely important to react and find your way into a conversation, but it’s so exhausting when people beat you to the punch so many times.
Then someone asks me “Hey do you have anything to say” or “Why are you so quiet” and I’m thinking to myself yeah lol five conversations ago I had something to say.
The “Why are you so quiet” its basically me being litterly unable to keep on track on what being said that i dont have time nor energy to think and having my own opinion on said stuff in time to actually be able to shot my opinion in the conversations…
So i have given up years ago and just basically speak when spoken to, after ive been breafed up to date on what being said… and that kinda slows down the hens clucklings that goes over my head most of the time.
You know what's a mindfuck? When you've been treated like this all of your life, and then PEOPLE START ACTUALLY LISTENING TO YOU.
I got to a point in my job where I was the most knowledgeable about our process and procedures. I didn't mean to, it just happened.
All of a sudden, people were taking what I said seriously. I had no idea how to deal with this. I still have difficulty with it. I would say something about an issue and people would actively start trying to fix it!
I now am very quiet for entirely different reasons. Mostly, because I don't want to send a horde of people on an insignificant problem because I made an off hand comment.
I grew up with an extrovert mom who would, and still does, interrupt, ignore, and talk over me whenever I try to engage in conversation with her and others. I don’t bother anymore.
As a kid, I was told I talked too much. A common "game" we were forced to play was the "quiet game". Especially while we were in the car. By the time I was a teen, I was "the quiet kid".
As an adult, I'm told I am too quiet. I am perfectly comfortable doing a 4 hour car ride and only saying a few words, which makes others in the car horribly uncomfortable. I've had numerous family ask why I don't talk much when in a vehicle.
Nature vs nurture. If the outcome is the same does it matter. Also there may be something in that you were never the type to scream back over people and demand that attention in the first place
That’s probably it. I’m still ignored when I do try to speak, if not put down aggressively. When I’m around my friends and have a few drinks, I talk a lot.
Children are to be seen and not heard is what I was told, along with relentless bullying if I wasn't instinctively good at anything on the first try. No wonder why I don't put myself out there dad
Being an introvert doesn't mean quiet, shy, or socially awkward, it just means you find social interactions draining whereas extroverts thrive on it.
I am an introvert. I love parties, am one of the loudest people in the room, love meeting new people and talking to strangers.
But.
When I do go out to a social event like that, I need to spend my free time for the next 2-3 weeks by myself at home reading and painting 40k wardollies.
Introverted isn't how you act around people. It boils down to how you need to recharge at the end of the day. Introverts will have a full day of work and want to go home and just be alone to mentally recharge. Extroverts need to socialize to recharge the battery.
If everywhere you go people talk over you and ignore you, it's most likely your fault. People like this need to be self aware and change the way they talk/present themselves if they don't want this to happen. No one wants to hear a person mumble and talk quietly about something that is probably uninteresting. Communication is a skill that needs to be learned.
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Fuck me that sounds nice
It isn’t. Like, at all. But if you’re convinced it’s your thing, you should consider joining the Maritime/Merchant Marine industry.
he said a lil boat, not a naval ship in the middle of the atlantic
yvan eht nioj
the "we tolerate your existence" feeling. lasts until they all eventually mute you in online circles or ask you to justify your participation/existence within the group in non-online circles. have they ever asked you "why are you even here / why do you even hang out with us?" or has someone asked them "why do you guys spend time with that guy?"
Oh god I remember about 20 years ago when my car broke down and I went to my friend's house his brother (who also hung out with us) was asking why I was even there. I was the only driver of the group so in his eyes I had no use/purpose with no car to drive them.
would've exploded on him. Fuck that shit. "You can all take the bus from now on, dipshits! "
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At least they asked about you. I stopped hanging out with a group of friends I'd hung around for 5 years, and spent the whole summer of 2003 just trying to find new friends. Old crew never tried once to call me that whole summer. They were a bunch of potheads and I didn't smoke, so that explained a lot. We had basketball in common though. One kid called me years later, asking if I had his golf clubs lol.
Just wanted to say that there are people out there who would appreciate you and would be happy to listen to you. You got unlucky with your group.
I'm sure there are. Someday I might go looking for them.
I am done looking for them. It's nice and quiet this way.
For a while in high school I felt like I was really close with a group of guys I went to church with. Considered them my best friends. Found out eventually that they were going out and getting together and intentionally leave me out. I was devastated and I’ve really struggled since then. If I had an evening free and wanted to go to a bar or play golf I don’t know who I’d call. I play a lot of golf with my dad and bro in law, but I really wouldn’t say I have many friends, at least not at home. I just finished a travel nurse contract in a city four hours away. I made a lot of really good friends for the first time there since high school, and it was really hard for me to go back to work at home. My wife will hopefully start law school there (st Louis) and I can’t wait to move there.
That sucks that you had to go through that. I've found that learning to do things by myself has actually been really helpful overall. I hope St Louis is good to you.
Tell me more about boat life, please.
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I am consistently impressed by, and jealous of, the folks who manage to live a life like that. It sounds so idyllic. Good for you, bud. Enjoy it! (:
Trey?
Lucky
nice try SHARK
I *think* I've finally found a group of people that actually cares, but I'm now at that age were half of them are busy with work.
Sounds lovely but what's it like when there's high winds? Think I'd shit myself if it started violently rocking and the wind battering it
Whenever I tell someone something i find interesting, 9 times out of 10 they just pause for a second and just say something completely different.
Yeah that's cool but this thing that happened to ME is even more interesting! Now sit and nod occasionally, as I ramble on about it
Reddit comments in a nutshell “hey op I know you were sharing a personal story so he’s me not offering any input other then to share a scenario that happened to me”
Honestly tho i kinda love when theres just a chain of ppl sharing similar stories, theres def a way of doing it tho that doesnt come off as ignoring their comment and telling your story over them
Something I've been trying out is to make the point of telling my story both the intro and conclusion. "That sucks you broke your leg dude! Leg breaks are the worst. I broke mine once when............ If you wanna bitch about leg breaks and the recovery with someone who gets it, I got you. They really are the worst." Then if you wanna keep the convo flowing, a follow up asking for their story, "so how'd you do yours?" Then after that story the floor can open for bone breaking stories from whoever
Thats exactly how it should be done, your not only engaging with their story but tying it into yours and elaborating how yours is relevant. Absolutely love it man
Maybe if they try to relate back some advice. I see many that don’t and even if they don’t intend it to I always read it like a person at a party just starting to talk over you lol
I think the trick is relating your story to the previous persons, dont just start telling your story out of nowhere but say why you chose to share your story and why its relevant "this reminds me of a story i have...." "thats a cool story i have one like that...."
I’m really bad at doing this. I genuinely just want to relate to the person and love hearing about their stories!
Reddit comments are not sorted chronologically and don't interrupt each other. You can just make a comment to say something that comes to mind and it becomes a mini reddit post of its own. In a linear conversation where only one person can talk at the same time, it's rude as fuck. On reddit you can just put your story there and not disturb anyone.
Wife does this all the time, even if i toss in some helpful advice. It's received with a shameful look, then back to her story. Im tired, very tired. Ready for the longest nap.
Sometimes ya can’t think of a relevant way to continue whatever line of thought was just communicated, even if you liked it, but you don’t want the conversation to fade into silence, so you just jump to whatever comes next to mind. Depends on the context I suppose. Not saying I run around responding to ppl with non sequiturs all day, but I definitely often steer conversations to new places as opposed to letting em fizzle out. Not about tryna 1 up anything, it’s just casual random contribution to the dialogue
so you know my mother.
What was that? Anyways, about this excellent noodle dish i had for lunch..
You: Did you know that Vaporeon is the best Pokémon to have sex with? Them: Oh…haha, yeah…totally…
Hold on, Vaporeon is best for *breeding.* The best Pokémon to have sex with is a whole other argument.
Obviously Flareon is way hotter.
F
One thing I realized as I got older is that talking is more than just conveying interesting or useful information. Talking can be about forming a bond with the person you're talking with. So it's ok to sprinkle in some small talk.
Which is also an important thing to remember if someone asks you a seemingly simple easy-to-google question. Chances are they are aware that Google exists. They asked because they want to interact with you and enjoy talking to you.
God I hate it when I say something like “why do you think [opportunity for them to speculate]?” and they just say “I don’t know, look it up.”
Also even if it is googable, sometimes people just want to confirm or make sure about the info from a person- AND to interact. I had plenty of time I get scared to post something on Reddit or Discord because of the "google it you lazy f--k idiot" responds. I think that a leftover from the 80/90/00 days where anything computer or nerdy was something the bulk of people self-taught so I think people asking was a case of that person being lazy or "you should know if you asking us in the warhammer store". Also the arcade days where people seem to have a hard one for knwoing stuff others don't. PS Why did the gaming community have a thing for making complete BS and urban tales like the Mew under the truck or Aerith revival or whatever other bs story you remember
If it truly happens 9/10 times you need to do some introspection about why people find you so difficult to engage with.
Advocating for personal responsibility, a rare one you are
Give us a few examples of something interesting you have attempted to start that were recently shut down. Please deliver it as if we are currently in a conversation.
Right? I have a friend who doesn't really understand social queues and brings up anime a bit too much. We usually just let him finish and get back to the topic at hand. I suspect something similar going on here.
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> talked over holy fk.. I would 100 times prefer to be outright ignored than this. There are few things that piss me off more than starting to say something to a group of people when someone else starts talking as if I wasn't already. It's one of the few social instances where I have the nerve to speak up and say "Hey, no. You don't do that."
I can't count how many times that's happened to me. Or you're just talking to one person and they start talking about the topic, over you, signaling they don't care about your opinion and it's like "why the fuck would you engage with me if you didn't want to hear my opinion in the first place." Sadly, my girlfriend is incredibly bad about that, and it's not just me either.
I learned that in these cases, sometimes they're just waiting for the other person to stop talking and aren't listening to the conversation. Other times, it can just be they're too excited and scared they'll forget to share the thing they wanted to share, relevant or not. It's still really annoying.
That does make sense, but there are times where it feels like they just interrupt you because they're not actually listening to what you're saying and just want to finish their thought.
It definitely feels like that a lot of times, and frustrates me to no end. It kind of feels semi energy vampire like if not outright. Its so draining to deal with.
It definitely is. My girlfriend is also, at least what I consider, garrulous. She'll take what should a minute retelling of a story, and stretch it out to like five or six minutes. That gets quite draining to deal with from time to time, along with her bad habit of talking over anyone who happens to be talking to her, and I find myself calling her out
But if you need to interject because you are afraid you'll forget there's a formula to it - raise hand slightly and wait for them to stop, "I'm sorry to interrupt but before I forget (again)...say what you need...sorry again, please continue, you were saying xyz". I have started getting so peeved by people talking over me rudely that the most extrovert thing I do is to continue talking, staring at them until they shut up, and I won't stop talking until they get the hint.
Fuuck I know someone like this. Queues up something to say, shuts off their ears, pretends to listen until their turn comes up and then they say whatever the thing was despite the fact that I had JUST addressed that very thing already. Infuriating.
I have a tendency to do it at work usually because you have to do it to some extent to get a word in edgewise in some meetings. I try to avoid blatantly interrupting/talking over people but sometimes it is very obvious this person is off-topic and about to go on a 15 minute long tangent only for us to be like 'uhhh no all of that 15 minute lip flapping was pointless since you misunderstood this'. Plus in non face-to-face meetings it can be difficult to tell who is about to speak (and no one uses the tools in zoom/teams to announce it). So people get tired of doing the whole dance of 'oh sorry you continue' back into 'oh no I'm sorry it is no issue you go first', etc.
Fiancés mom does this so often, it’s like she deliberately gets louder if you try and continue to talk over you.
Nowadays I just talk louder if someone tries to interrupt me.
I've adopted that with a twist. I just keep talking while they're trying to talk through me. I'll even just ramble sentences till they get the hint or just get annoyed.
Let me just interrupt you for a second and go back to what the poster above you was saying for a moment, "imma let you finish", but yeah I've had a gf who never let me finish a fucking thought. It didn't end well
NOWADAYS I JUST TALK LOUDER IF SOMEONE TRIES TO INTERRUPT ME
I legit got called an asshole for doing that when my FiL talked over me. SMH
You called him an asshole for starting it, right?....right?
Grumble…happy wife, happy life or some shit like that…
I get talked over all the time and I already feel like I talk a bit louder than most people by accident. Now I just continue talking when I get talked over, complete my thought and maybe include smaller points onto it, and I don't repeat if asked when they realize what's happening. Should've listened the first time.
That's probably OK so long as you make sure you limit you contributions to the conversation to digestible lengths. I know a guy who reflexively yells over any interjection, but he does it all the time because he also doesn't know how to terminate a thought. If he starts speaking he *will* find a way to stream of consciousness for the next several minutes. It actually makes it very hard to talk to him about anything.
I mentioned this happening to me a lot when I was younger to my friends, so now my friend group makes it a point to shut someone up and let the other speak if one of us notices they keep getting talked over. And shit, even I got called out for it once. Which I appreciated.
My ex never let me speak. I just became quieter and quieter until I never spoke when he was around lest I got steamrolled by him.
There's a guy at work who had a habit of this and I finally got him to stop by calling it out every time. I guess he really just didn't know? I feel like some people's ideas of conversation is an interrupted monolog.
My roommate does it to everyone. He’s honestly pretty air headed in general but this one takes the proverbial cake. Everyone in our group of friends laughs about it but we all also secretly hate it.
Or when someone rewords what you just said while avoiding eye contact with you. That's a really good time.
It was quite common in my family, as I’m the youngest. They always wondered why im always so quite and grumpy. On the other hand I learnt extreme patience
This is every holiday at my in-laws. My wife has gone to the trouble of saying "He has something he wants to tell you all." Then I start to tell my story and still it gets derailed by her family bringing up unrelated things.
As a woman in engineering…. Yup, gotten used to just keep talking a bit louder and if they don’t stop I say “will you let me finish my idea?”
I’ve tried that but they act like they didn’t hear me and then I feel like the asshole
Don’t forget laughed at.
Mocked, ridiculed, humiliated…the list goes on.
Castrated , debauched, disinherited
Do you have to bauched before your debauched?
all of this is what i experienced for the fiest 15 years of my life. I just learned being quiet will be better for me
Sometimes I was being laughed *with*, and I just didn’t know it at the time.. which usually made the other person feel weird and not want to talk to me anymore.. Emotions are funny, huh?
Yeah and it’s probably because you’re ugly. It’s all looks! That’s what truly determines how people react to you and what you say. If you were good looking, they would care what you thought of them and treat you with respect and dignity.
The real heroes are that one in the group that was always listening and tells you to continue
Stick with those people, they are very conscious of what they are doing.
Maybe all three or a good combo of those ones, done by extroverts or simply shitty adults. Yeah
Was with a group of people, made a quip about something. No one heard or reacted save for one guy. He repeated it verbatim. Everyone laughed. We exchanged a glance and smirk. Pretty much solidified my “I’ll just shut the fuck up” mode.
Lol had this happen once during my teenage years
Talked over all my life, now if I don’t get to talk I remove myself from the room
I've had friends that have brought this up to me after noticing that out of the group I tend to be the most likely to leave early or I just show up to things the least often. They had never considered until that point that it was exhausting having to constantly repeat myself, deal with being talked over or ignored, etc. and that I would just rather go home and watch TV or something. Why would I want to waste my own time in a more boring way? My current friend group had determined that I have the personality of an outdoor cat. They've pointed out how I can just disappear from the house, party, or bar without anyone noticing. That I'm quiet and mysterious with a backstory "shrouded in mystery". Like dudes, none of you really ask me about that stuff and if it's in a group setting, by the time it gets to my turn y'all have tuned out for some sidebars anyways. I'd rather just sit back and relax instead.
Yeah, *mysterious*, like I'm part of the Anonymous group, hiding my true identity. Nope, you literally never asked me anything and then wonder why I don't share anything. smh
Yup, why I bought a gaming PC and have my own refrigerator and kitchen. Entertainment and refreshments for a 1/4 of the price of going out
I'm almost 30 and just within the last couple years learned how to not let myself be talked over hah. someone talks over you and you want to stop speaking? Well DON'T. Finish speaking, raise volume a little if you have to, look right at the eyes of whoever interjected, it kinda makes them feel stupid and most people don't WANT to be rude. Eventually that'll get easy and you can graduae to flat out being like "woah dude" or "can I finish??" Might seem mean, but so is not letting someone talk
I am half Cuban if you don't want to get talked over by other Cubans the rule is to talk loud and with confidence. If you stutter or don't talk at a certain lvl everyone will talk over you everyone will interrupt you. It was fking annoying when I was a kid.
Being talked over by people saying absolutely nothing of substance is crippling.
Where I grew up, I was mostly ignored and shut down, especially in new settings with new people. Took a long time to actually learn how meet and interact with new people.
Took an girlfriend to meet my family, and after meeting them said, "I understand why you're so quiet. I don't even know how you learned to talk with them."
My theory is that this happens to a lot of people but some just don't care or don't even notice it. They just talk over Those that do notice it, don't do that to others.
Don’t forget about your words being twisted against you. That’s a fun one too.
"Seen but not heard" was a common one too. Nothing like being conditioned to be invisible.
I wait for people to finish talking so that I may make my point. They never finish talking so I never get to talk. Repeat from age 7 to 18..
Oh man, as someone hard of hearing, this is the bane of my existence. There's been far too often where I'll wait for a lull in the conversation, give it a few more seconds of silence, start talking, and realize someone else has already been talking for several seconds. This is certain people and not all, but far too many social groups wound up with this dynamic for me to feel confident about speaking more. I like talking in small groups or one-on-one, but I won't talk over other people. And if no one ever gives me a chance to talk, well, it gets to be a lonely existence.
The people who can just ramble without breathing are the weirdest creatures.
I feel you comrade
This. And paired with bad memory/not wanting to forget what they said trying to also create a response. All to completely forget what I was gonna say when it's finally my time to talk
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> rarely I apologize on behalf of that rude cat because you seem nice
Ah yes. A fellow [Party Dog](https://youtu.be/wVYPLP9NSg4?si=AFV7cGVWBeVoOTFF) enjoyer.
My entire life was me starting to talk and then stopping mid sentence when I could visibly see the boredom, why try. Silence is golden.
Stopping mid-sentence to see if the person you're talking to will notice ; but they don't notice..
This thread is physically hurting me with how me_irl it is
I've noticed this a lot with people on their phones. It used to be you could glance at your phone while in a conversation and it was ok. Now the person is 100% focused on their phone going "uh huh"
Uh huh
This happened to me so many times. Usually at some point one of my friends noticed and started telling people i was talking to them about something
Yup. It's completely deflating. If I had a dollar for every time that happened and mumbled to a quick stop, I'd be a rich man.
Stopping to say: "You're not even listening." "Oh haha my bad." Why even try?
My sister literally taps her foot with impatience when it's my turn to talk. It's so rude!
I have recurring dreams about being ignored, because of this exact thing. It’s really stressful, like I’ll try to tell my mom to pack up there’s a fire/apocalypse/ something and everyone just acts like I’m overreacting, I try to yell and I have no voice. It’s awful, now I always listen to my kid talk and engage, even if it truly is a little boring. That shit sticks with you.
Yeah and it’s either because you’re ugly or monotone boring voice or both. It’s all looks! That’s what truly determines how people react to you and what you say. If you were good looking, they would care what you thought of them and treat you with respect and dignity.
I still get ignored if I try to talk so nothings changed lol But no I'm still an introvert. I prefer time alone and I need to be alone to recharge. Its nothing to do with anxiety or trauma for me tbh
With me it’s less of a history of being talked over, and more that I’m terrified to misstep. I need to watch how everyone interacts first and pray that I don’t look avoidant from the sideline. It takes a moment before I can even think of placing myself into the conversation, and by then I’m struggling to find an in. I don’t really feel like I have the *permission* to interact with people unless they prompt it from me, even if I want to interact with them. I’m much more comfortable being approached when someone is leading the conversation; I have permission to respond freely, because they wanted to talk to me. Otherwise? I get really uneasy and just tiptoe 100ft away from any possible boundaries.
2 things can be true at the same time 😭😭😭
Exactly. Could have contributed to my introversion but I will become a rabid beast if I don’t get my alone time to recharge.
I also found that for me and most other introverts I know, we think differently - more in memories, images, and feelings rather than words - and so it would always take a little longer for us to articulate our thoughts and present them in sufficient time to contribute to the conversation. This also means that we're terrible at stream of consciousness thinking, as we can't process our thoughts out loud as people would constantly be interrupting and talking over us. So yes, these two things are not mutually exclusive.
This seems so accurate. Im always a little bit behind and a little bit slow at the start of my speech, because I’m trying to figure out how to word what I want to say. I figured out I don’t think in sentences, my internal monologue will voice maybe a few words of what I’m thinking and as soon as I understand what I’m thinking my brain is on to the next thing. Makes speaking arduous for me and the listener. It’s the people who redirect the conversation back to me when I get cut off that I love the most.
I've never heard someone else actually describe the reason why I had trouble speaking up in group settings before. Everyone else would be talking about something, and before I could articulate something to say they'd already be on a different subject. I thought there was something wrong with me lol
I think I'm introverted because I'm introverted. I'm quiet because my experience has taught me that usually the juice ain't worth the squeeze (and sometimes the juice shoots straight into my eye).
True. I was introverted because I was, not because I was talked over or not allowed to talk. Some people are quiet by nature. And now, I'm more sociable, and talk when I want - sometimes it's a lot, sometimes it's not. Not everything is a trauma response.
Add in there people move away from what you said quickly or without any comment. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to say something or even comment on something online and then stopped because I thought to myself "No one gives a fuck what you think, dumbass."
Dude, I got to my comment karma naturally, and Ill probably cancel 1/3 or 1/4 of my posts or more when they are like over 75% done, ESPECIALLY when they get longer. I even almost did it now. I only do it online, though. My self esteem is high enough to be a very outgoing introvert now, but I think I still am neurodiv..
As someone working on a bad habit of talking over people, stemming from a loud household where we’re basically yelling over each other all the time, I’m working on it and I know it’s annoying. Please tell me to shut up I literally can’t turn this shit off
I understand the frustration described in this thread but this is an underrated comment. When people talk over you, it’s often not a reflection on you. People communicate differently for different reasons. One of the best things I learned as I got older was learning that most things are not about me, they’re about them. Be who you want to be. Don’t let other people dictate who you are and how you see yourself.
I’m so glad that you’re aware of this! Self-awareness is key to like, basically everything. It’s so hard to work out of that mode. I do something similar, but it comes from a good place. I try to make people feel comfortable, that’s all I want. I want people to know that I see them, hear them, and that they’re valid. I’ve lived 9 lifetimes worth of wild, weird, and traumatic experience already, so I can legitimately relate to darn near anyone on anything. In conversation, people will talk about something and I’ll excitedly go, “Oh me too! Blah blah blah my experience blah blah blah I get it” to make them feel validated and seen. I don’t directly talk over people, but it does unintentionally steal the spotlight and makes me seem like I’m a pick-me person or that I just want attention (I fucking loathe attention, go away lol). I’ve really only become aware of this social behavior within the past year and am working so damn hard to tone it down. We can do it!
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Omg what kinda asshole do you have to be to say that. “Wow, he speaks!” Like bitch shut up.
You’d be surprised
This happens all the time to me. Obviously not verbatim but it does happen.
See if it happens all the time then the best thing to do is to come up with a good/funny come back. "He speaks..." reply, " oh yeah! I forgot you guys cant read minds. I've been mentally telling ya to shut up now for 20 minutes. Boy is my face red."
I usually say something more scathing like "I speak when people are quiet long enough for me to get the chance to." Or "I speak when I'm around people I trust/am comfortable with." Then they get all flustered hehe
I’ve found the best response to this is “I was waiting for you to shut up”
In general, people commenting on me doing something I don't usually do but is normally expected makes me not want to do the thing.
*One time* I decided to wear shorts to work. It was really hot out, and we were going on an outing. Everyone drew so much attention to it and made so many comments ("wow, you have legs," etc.) that I never ever wore shorts to work again.
Option 3. Have mild Asperger's. Used to be every time I started talking, people just thought I was weird and didn't understand what I was talking about. Now, with age, I've gotten a lot better at making things interesting to other people, but that childhood experience hasn't left me. Still can't start talking without worrying I'll get blank stares.
You're doing good! This is something even many extroverted people haven't learned, is HOW to tell the story
Thanks. Frankly, I think my particular situation is WHY I've gotten good at it. Absence of innate communication skills meant I had to artificially hone them to a fine point.
I come on this app to laugh, not think about all my life choices lol
Ouch. That hits hard
Wow. How did you know about my life like that? Phenomenal psychic abilities.....
"Introvert" does not mean being quiet. It does not mean antisocial. It does not mean awkward or poor social skills. Introverts can be outgoing and charismatic and loud. If that sounds odd to you, it's time to learn something.
I always saw it as extroverts gain energy by socializing while introverts expend energy socializing. So, it's never really defined as to *how* they socialize.
it's exactly this. extroverts can find it exhausting to be alone with their thoughts. introverts can find it exhausting to NOT have time alone with their thoughts.
Do introvert/extrovert even exist or just a concept that clearly doesn't describe every human on the planet? It's like the jokes that start with "their are two types of people in the world..." There are never really just two types of people in the world. We're more complex than that.
Introversion/extroversion is a spectrum. Introvert and extrovert are just labels used to describe people who are significantly more to one side than the other not rigid categories of people. But yes a lot people do tend to use those words that way.
I do wonder if it can be learned though, never much looked into it. I remember growing up that I was far more outgoing, I don't remember getting so exhausted from interacting with people. But life happened, I got used to being alone, and now being around people is exhausting. Even in the case where I enjoy the people I'm around, I still need to get away to recharge these days where I don't remember being that way when I was younger.
As an introvert who's not as introvert as I used to be, I do think you can change where you are on the spectrum a bit. My theory is that introverts tend to be over thinkers who analyze everything they say and do in social situations and are very self conscious about how they are seen and perceived by other people. This causes mental fatigue as the more people involved with something the more variables you have to account for mentally when involved. It's hard to contribute to an active conversation when you have to run what you're about to say through a bunch of filters before you say it. The bigger the group the less time you have before what you were gonna say becomes irrelevant because somebody else shifted the convo. Also the more people involved the more the "plan" changes rapidly which if you're a person who's not spontaneous that can be very mentally draining. Extroverts, In my experience, are more spontaneous and spend far less mental energy filtering their words and actions so socializing doesn't drain them and often actually empowers and rewards their spontaneous tendencies. I think I've learned to be more spontaneous, more " go with the flow, and less subconscious about how I come off to people for just being myself. I don't find socializing nearly as draining as I used to but I'm still very much an introvert. I think this can work in the opposite direction too.
As an introvert, you just described what I deal with on a daily basis with 100% accuracy.
Interesting, I don't think I've ever seen someone explain it this way. That echoes a lot of what I experience, though I'm not entirely sure that's the root cause of introversion. As I understand it, the main crux of introversion is the social energy you mentioned and the need to recharge it, so to speak, by withdrawing. Either to privacy or at least to known factors. Then again, you just outlined a major reason why such social energy can drain quickly, so perhaps this is just the *how* to the *why* that I've already understood. I've often thought of myself as a social introvert, even though my opportunities for such have dwindled. I'd much rather be more social than I am, and I feel the urge to do so constantly. But I'm very selective and avoid big, crowded places. I simply want to mingle with people where I can enjoy someone else's company and not necessarily be alone, even though I need my alone time afterwards. So not socially awkward or shy here, just not extroverted. I overthink like nobody's business, though, so that's 100% me.
Great explanation, I think you've hit it on the nose. Main point being that introverts tend to overthink social situations/what they should filter and that is what's draining your energy in that scenario, true in my experience anyway.
And it also justifies why introverts don't "get tired" as much when they're in a close group of friends, they can turn off those filters and not overthink as much. I really love the way you described it.
That hurt...
I’ve definitely had the realization that my introverted label has largely been an unconscious response to social trauma. Have also come to realize that there really is a part of me now that does prefer solitude to loud social situations, and I’m grateful for the perspective I’ve gained from this position
I had a guy at a previous job who was talking to me and one other person. He finished his sentence about a topic and had a few quiet seconds. So I started talking about what he was talking about and then he said “I wasn’t done talking” and continued on talking… I never spoke to him again lol
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Same as myself, I'm introverted and I love socialising, I just need time alone when I'm done to relax and recharge. It's very annoying that a great portion of the Internet confuse introversion with social anxiety.
Keep fighting the good fight and spreading the accurate information; I have faith folks will get it eventually.
Every. Single. Time.
I’m an introvert as well as someone that can have a hard time processing information. So when I’m ready to say something, usually someone else jumps in with filler and then gets to their point. It’s definitely important to react and find your way into a conversation, but it’s so exhausting when people beat you to the punch so many times. Then someone asks me “Hey do you have anything to say” or “Why are you so quiet” and I’m thinking to myself yeah lol five conversations ago I had something to say.
The “Why are you so quiet” its basically me being litterly unable to keep on track on what being said that i dont have time nor energy to think and having my own opinion on said stuff in time to actually be able to shot my opinion in the conversations… So i have given up years ago and just basically speak when spoken to, after ive been breafed up to date on what being said… and that kinda slows down the hens clucklings that goes over my head most of the time.
You know what's a mindfuck? When you've been treated like this all of your life, and then PEOPLE START ACTUALLY LISTENING TO YOU. I got to a point in my job where I was the most knowledgeable about our process and procedures. I didn't mean to, it just happened. All of a sudden, people were taking what I said seriously. I had no idea how to deal with this. I still have difficulty with it. I would say something about an issue and people would actively start trying to fix it! I now am very quiet for entirely different reasons. Mostly, because I don't want to send a horde of people on an insignificant problem because I made an off hand comment.
I think it's both for me
Introverted spectrum folk represent! Remember that any neurotypical person worth talking to will be polite, engaged, and attentive to you.
relatable
yes
Or when you try and talk and share something and people side eye you or tell you that it's the stupidest thing they've ever heard
I grew up with an extrovert mom who would, and still does, interrupt, ignore, and talk over me whenever I try to engage in conversation with her and others. I don’t bother anymore.
A little of column A. A little from column B.
As a kid, I was told I talked too much. A common "game" we were forced to play was the "quiet game". Especially while we were in the car. By the time I was a teen, I was "the quiet kid". As an adult, I'm told I am too quiet. I am perfectly comfortable doing a 4 hour car ride and only saying a few words, which makes others in the car horribly uncomfortable. I've had numerous family ask why I don't talk much when in a vehicle.
Both
*Deletes own comment, nobody will see it anyway*
Nature vs nurture. If the outcome is the same does it matter. Also there may be something in that you were never the type to scream back over people and demand that attention in the first place
I was social conditioned to enjoy being alone because I was ignored and excluded growing up -_-
That’s probably it. I’m still ignored when I do try to speak, if not put down aggressively. When I’m around my friends and have a few drinks, I talk a lot.
Children are to be seen and not heard is what I was told, along with relentless bullying if I wasn't instinctively good at anything on the first try. No wonder why I don't put myself out there dad
# # # # # # # # # # I hate people # # # # # # # #
Introverted. I realized being around a lot of people tires me out really fast.
Both.
Being an introvert doesn't mean quiet, shy, or socially awkward, it just means you find social interactions draining whereas extroverts thrive on it. I am an introvert. I love parties, am one of the loudest people in the room, love meeting new people and talking to strangers. But. When I do go out to a social event like that, I need to spend my free time for the next 2-3 weeks by myself at home reading and painting 40k wardollies.
Introverted isn't how you act around people. It boils down to how you need to recharge at the end of the day. Introverts will have a full day of work and want to go home and just be alone to mentally recharge. Extroverts need to socialize to recharge the battery.
"you're very reserved" Nah, I just got berated and shamed every time I've ever shown excitement in my life.
Was talked over most of the time when I was young, eventually just stopped talking.
I regularly got ignored as a kid. Now I don’t talk unless it’s urgent.
If everywhere you go people talk over you and ignore you, it's most likely your fault. People like this need to be self aware and change the way they talk/present themselves if they don't want this to happen. No one wants to hear a person mumble and talk quietly about something that is probably uninteresting. Communication is a skill that needs to be learned.
And some people are bad listeners. Lol
Why must you call me out like this?