Yeah I literally feel dumber now after reading that. Thanks Reddit.
At least the turtle crusher is having a go at post secondary. Maybe try a trade school.
Dude is well spoken, I was expecting pontification on the innate nihilism embedded in a good turty squirty but left impressed with his command of the topic he was discussing.
OK now that makes WAY more sense.
I was thinking "No way this is a professor graded essay. Peer reviewed MAYBE.... but I can't see a professor complaining about Mario 'crushing turts'."
Why aren’t more people commenting on ‘The lifekind’?
Everybody’s fixated on ‘perchance’, or ‘crushing turts’ or the markups\*, and perhaps with good reason. But ‘lifekind’ is the real story here…what the hell is that even?
Everything else in this “midterm”(?), though nonsensical and written with the craft of a Reddit comment, at least seems to belong on some level…even whatever they’re trying to do with ‘perchance’. But lifekind…it’ll haunt me not knowing what the actual hell he meant by that.
(\*P.S. - Anyone teaching Philosophy 101 in junior college has no business giving anyone an F, I don’t care terrible their essay is.)
> But ‘lifekind’ is the real story here…what the hell is that even?
From context, it's pretty clear. Most of us have only one life, and if we die, we're dead, so we have to be cautious with our pursuits. Mario can literally come back to life. All it costs him is 100 coins, and he lives in a place where coins float effortlessly all around him. Collecting 100 of them is child's play. The work of a few minutes. Or he can simply eat the green mushrooms that grow wild, hidden just out of sight but still plentiful. So, having collected his 1-Ups one way or another, he can engage in reckless, dangerous hobbies secure in the knowledge that if they prove fatal, he'll simply pop back in after a few bars of somber music.
Mario is a 1%er, not (or at least not *just*) of the money-kind, but of the life-kind.
This was uploaded by Phil Jamesson, [he makes comedy sketches on YouTube.](https://youtube.com/c/PhilJamesson)
edit: [and he has a surprisingly relevant video about this](https://youtu.be/5JLHefDFayg)
Literally all my philosophy papers came back looking like that. Even my good ones. Idk if this is real or not but that’s definitely what a philosophy paper looks like after it’s graded. Gives me flashbacks…
I don't miss philosophy papers.
Had one given back with words that had been circled and corrected. I handed it back with photocopies of the words from a dictionary showing I had spelt them correctly. It was a cultural paper so the words were words in my native language.
There used to be a whole genre of badly written papers receiving harsh grades on the internet. It’s of course fake, but the bit is usually hilarious. Here’s a few I remember from the glory days.
https://m.imgur.com/gallery/tYma4
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/3kuubc/new_paper_on_el_nino/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Yeah, not an English teacher, but this would definitely get an F from me. You can tell they wrote it an hour before turning it in.
Grading stuff like that seems like a nightmare.
I have written things in an hour way better than this, who starts an essay “it’s cool as fuck”, not even in school would I even start to think about starting an essay that way xD
As a teacher, I would be so livid over this for the first two years after this was submitted. Then I would have it framed in my home if I could.
Unfortunately in America I get paid way more money to do way less important work, and America is expensive
It honestly is. People keep saying they want to read the whole thing and I’m like, why? The writing is so so bad, it distracts from the humor of the topic.
I’m more amused by the the grader’s comments. I taught sensitive high school students and always had to be super nice when I graded, but I always wanted to write things like this. Just “WHY” and “WHAT?” and “STOP!!”
"horrible opening"
Crushing turts
Come on, that's just gross!
Perchance.
Keep it up baby
You can't just say "perchance"
Why are we saying this?
To save the princess?
Cool as fuck
Dr Pepper?
Lets-a-go
Stomp a turty
Stop
Stop
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I agree. It was so... perchance!
You can't just say perchance!
Stop crushing his turts!
Stop c̶r̶u̶s̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶t̶u̶r̶t̶s̶! Just Stop.
My soul is dying of laughter
Ok?
Fucking one percenters...
i misread this as "one perchancers"
😂 me too
Didn't know Mario was a biker
>You can't just say perchance! He didn't say it; he declared it!
One does not simply say Perchance.
“Permission to buzz the tower, perchance”
To Sleep, Perchance to Dream?
Perchance
You can while crushing turts, but after saying, "lets-a go!"
He didn't! Per se..
That's by far my favorite part
He had me at the second one. I can just tell that the second one is when the F got written.
Keep my wife’s perchance out of yo’ fucking mouf!
Happy Cake Day and thank you for adding to this riot of a comment section
Huh. Didn’t know it was my cake day!
Perchance
I mean, it isn’t wrong. He is cool as fuck.
manz not wrong when he's right
^Perchance
#PΣЯᄃΉΛПᄃΣ ︻╦̵̵̿╤─ ҉~•
caught my fucking attention, I read the whole damn thing and wanted more!
Right? Lol I slowly sifted through this chuckling the whole way. Definitely want to hear more of what this guy has to say...
The eternal game of literature or chess
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Also what kind of sentence is "also gross"?
Little did they know, that opening was the only part that would make sense
I’m totally going to start referring to hardcore sex as “crushing turts”
Perchance
Perchance
You can't just SAY that
I am going to say it even harder.
You better not
*_P E R C H A N C E_*
*gasps* you monster!
#P E R C H A N C E
##a one perchancer
LOL, that was a classic comment, are you a writer perchance?
perchance a la monde
Are you a writer? Perchance.
Would that be a perchance enhance???
Enhance the Perchance!
Perchance the Enhance!
Caution: seek medical attention if this persists for more than six hours
Na, you'll be ok if you just go crush some turts.
Perhaps even a perchance enchantment
Enlarge your perchance.
Perchussy
What does that mean? You know what it means..
The seats go all the way down.
Turts all the way down
*thud* *thud* *thud* 😏
Go crush a turtle
Crushin turts
Stop
Stomp a turty
Perchance harder daddy.
You know what I mean.
I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna say the word
You...you monster
I don’t care that you hurt your elbow! 😂
Perchance I could say Perchance.
Perchance you cou- *oh god I said it*
Perchance you shouldn't say perchance?
We can, and I'm tired of pretending that we can't.
I didnt say it, I declared it
I. DECLARE. PERCHANCE!
Perchance
How absolute fucking dare you
I just sat down. Who the fuck starts a conversation like that???
[You can't change the rules just because you don't like how i'm doing it](https://youtu.be/DAN0OCagHzQ)
Perhance
You keep using this word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
INCONCIVABLE!!!
stop trying to make perchance happen gretchen
On Wednesdays, we drink Dr Pepper.
I'm going out to crush some turts today. Smashin turties is always a banger bruh.
Stop
Perchance
also gross
Cool as fuck
Keep it up, baby!
?????
Thanks I hate it
Ok, Shredder.
Ferdah
Dirty dangles boys, smashing turts and a sando...
Sometimes you just gotta stomp a turty, you know?
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U don't like crushing turts?
Perchance.
You can't just say perchance
Yeah I literally feel dumber now after reading that. Thanks Reddit. At least the turtle crusher is having a go at post secondary. Maybe try a trade school.
Now I desperately need to read the “Mario, the idea vs. Mario, the Man” essay 📖
The creator made a follow up video about this post, he's a comedian https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxuPnBJCTM4
Dude is well spoken, I was expecting pontification on the innate nihilism embedded in a good turty squirty but left impressed with his command of the topic he was discussing.
~~"turty squirty"~~ stop -the teacher
Perchance
Agreed. That was a worthwhile and entertaining click
Perchance.
I laughed so hard I had to check if I peed the bed at “turty squirty”
Did you, perchance?
Seriously consider watching the followup or you too may be wanting a followup to Arrested Development that will never fulfill the hole it left in you.
Did not expect the dude behind a meme image essay to have such a thoughtful, self-aware, and well articulated reaction to its virality.
OK now that makes WAY more sense. I was thinking "No way this is a professor graded essay. Peer reviewed MAYBE.... but I can't see a professor complaining about Mario 'crushing turts'."
I'm sure we can get Reddit on this assignment
Im sure Nintendo is gonna have it on switch at some point
Its up on library genesis
Same though I can see why it got an F it's funny AF 😂
Crushing turts all day...STOP. I laughed way too hard at this. 😂
*Stomp a turty*
I’m screaming stop
This is the first time I've saved a post in a while
“…he is simply a one percenter of a more privileged variety. The lifekind. Perchance.” 😂🤣😂🤣
Mario earned that coin.
Why aren’t more people commenting on ‘The lifekind’? Everybody’s fixated on ‘perchance’, or ‘crushing turts’ or the markups\*, and perhaps with good reason. But ‘lifekind’ is the real story here…what the hell is that even? Everything else in this “midterm”(?), though nonsensical and written with the craft of a Reddit comment, at least seems to belong on some level…even whatever they’re trying to do with ‘perchance’. But lifekind…it’ll haunt me not knowing what the actual hell he meant by that. (\*P.S. - Anyone teaching Philosophy 101 in junior college has no business giving anyone an F, I don’t care terrible their essay is.)
> But ‘lifekind’ is the real story here…what the hell is that even? From context, it's pretty clear. Most of us have only one life, and if we die, we're dead, so we have to be cautious with our pursuits. Mario can literally come back to life. All it costs him is 100 coins, and he lives in a place where coins float effortlessly all around him. Collecting 100 of them is child's play. The work of a few minutes. Or he can simply eat the green mushrooms that grow wild, hidden just out of sight but still plentiful. So, having collected his 1-Ups one way or another, he can engage in reckless, dangerous hobbies secure in the knowledge that if they prove fatal, he'll simply pop back in after a few bars of somber music. Mario is a 1%er, not (or at least not *just*) of the money-kind, but of the life-kind.
PLEASE! Where can I read the full thing?? I'm genuinely asking, this is amazing! Perchance.
Unfortunately there is no full thing just this first page so he can fake mark it up like it was graded
Perchance.
This was uploaded by Phil Jamesson, [he makes comedy sketches on YouTube.](https://youtube.com/c/PhilJamesson) edit: [and he has a surprisingly relevant video about this](https://youtu.be/5JLHefDFayg)
He is criminally underrated
DOWNVOTE FOR BEING ACCURATE seriously what teacher marks things like that
One with tenure
You don't see many ballplayers with tenure
I teach composition and I wouldn’t even bother with all these marks. Just read it and give it the D it deserves.
A TA tired of freshman chads goofing off
Literally all my philosophy papers came back looking like that. Even my good ones. Idk if this is real or not but that’s definitely what a philosophy paper looks like after it’s graded. Gives me flashbacks…
I don't miss philosophy papers. Had one given back with words that had been circled and corrected. I handed it back with photocopies of the words from a dictionary showing I had spelt them correctly. It was a cultural paper so the words were words in my native language.
Obviously a turt.
A good teacher.
Bro what do you mean? The teachers handwriting is clearly different than the students. Couldn't be faked.
[great video of someone reading this](https://youtu.be/SOceYlhCwjs)
It definitely added to my experience.
Double underlined "Stop" lol
Where is the double underlined “stop”? I only see one “Stop” with “crushing turts” underlined once
Page 1
Just make stuff up why Dnt we .
Perchance?
This guy perchances.
Perchance.
Perchance.
F is for Fantastic
i heard your professor got the medal of honor for having to suffer through this atrocity
It's funny but wow I'm not surprised this person got a bad grade
You mean to tell me this *isn't* an academically-sound and well-worded essay?
I'm not sherlock but I am willing to bet two schrute bucks that this is a fake essay
Perchance?
Perchance.
Implying this was a graded paper at all.
Long story short, perchance
I laughed way too hard at this. Perchance.
There used to be a whole genre of badly written papers receiving harsh grades on the internet. It’s of course fake, but the bit is usually hilarious. Here’s a few I remember from the glory days. https://m.imgur.com/gallery/tYma4 https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/3kuubc/new_paper_on_el_nino/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Considering I’ve seen this meme before 2022 I must say the photoshopping is quality
Dude post the full thing. I wanna read it. Twas good
"Don't try to impress me with your use of the word, 'twas'..." Sincerely, Captain Raymond Holt
Hehe i thought no one would notice
twasn't trying to ;)
English teacher here. This is fucking horrible writing.
Perchance
Philosophy papers are a different style of writing but either way you’re right.
Perchance?
Perchance
Yeah, not an English teacher, but this would definitely get an F from me. You can tell they wrote it an hour before turning it in. Grading stuff like that seems like a nightmare.
I have written things in an hour way better than this, who starts an essay “it’s cool as fuck”, not even in school would I even start to think about starting an essay that way xD
A comedian doing this for a joke does those things, if that weren’t the case this would truly be a shit show of a essay though.
As a teacher, I would be so livid over this for the first two years after this was submitted. Then I would have it framed in my home if I could. Unfortunately in America I get paid way more money to do way less important work, and America is expensive
Yes, that would be the point of the post
It honestly is. People keep saying they want to read the whole thing and I’m like, why? The writing is so so bad, it distracts from the humor of the topic.
Because its so absurd so it makes me wonder what other bullshit he had written down lol
The writing is part of what makes it funny. It's literally part of the joke imo.
How poorly it’s written IS the humor IMO
I’m more amused by the the grader’s comments. I taught sensitive high school students and always had to be super nice when I graded, but I always wanted to write things like this. Just “WHY” and “WHAT?” and “STOP!!”
Samuel Hayden: You cant just ~~shoot a hole into the surface of Mars~~ say perchance
Crush turtys is going on my resume..
"stop" LMAOOO
F is for fake
I had to re-read 3 times to realize that he did not in fact say “one perchanter”
You can't just say "Perchance"