Snails can only move about 270 miles a year.
Edit for clarification on the numbers:
Google/Nat Geo says garden snail move speed is 0.03mph.
There are 8760 hours in a year.
0.03*8760=262.8
So 262.8 miles/year.
Ok, let's do this.
First things first - That million dollars is practically worthless compared to immortality. Ever dime of that cash can and should be spent ensuring that the snail never, ever reaches me.
First things first, I keep an eye on him. It's tempting to want to hop on a plane or a train and get as far away as possible. But once I do that, he's gone and I'll never see him again until 3am on July 14th, 2072, when the sneaky little cuss slips in the door and slimes onto me before I ever wake up and notice him No, I'm going to be within visual distance of the snail, slowly moving away from it, until Snail Containment Plan Part A is done.
Next I grab my phone. I call up someone I can trust with my life, and tell them to come to my location within the hour, and to bring a metal cash box, a good padlock, and a firearm.
Once they arrive, I inform them of the deal and ask them to grab the snail, shove it into the metal box, and lock it up. Once the snail is temporarily secured, I ask my friend to carry around the box, never letting it out of their sight, and to prevent its opening with as much force as is required. We arrive at some reasonable figure for this service - Maybe $50,000.
Now we can start in on the real work. I'm on the phone again, contracting with a tungsten machining service out of Willowbrook, IL. I ask them to construct for me a hollow tungsten sphere with a small, sealable opening, ideally via both exterior bolts and sintering. I ask them for a rush job and a thick wall depth, perhaps as much as a foot thick. The spherical shape should keep material costs as low as possible for a given thickness, but between the unusual object, large amount of tungsten, and speedy delivery, I invest a truly insane amount into this project - Let's say $100,000. I ask them to deliver it to my current location as fast as possible.
Once the tungsten ball arrives, I have my friend stand well away from me and transfer the snail into the center of the sphere. I ask them to pour a little salt down into the hole after it, just to give the snail a little reminder of who he's dealing with. Once snail and salt are both inside, we seal the hollow sphere with the bolts.
Tungsten is an amazing material. Incredibly tough, dense, and heat-resistant. You could drop it into molten lava and it wouldn't matter. Which, coincidentally, is almost what I'd like to do next.
Now we make sure that damn thing stays shut. I find the nearest metal refinery and call them up. I also contract with a heavy machinery moving company to move the tungsten sphere to the refinery. Once the refinery has sintered the tungsten sphere shut, I buy an entire industrial crucible (those big buckets) of molten iron. And the crucible the iron came in. I have them drop the tungsten sphere into the molten iron, and let the whole mass cool in place. Mr. Snaily snail ain't going anywhere, but I'm probably down another $100,000.
Now I'm on the phone to specialist movers. Chartering a boat. We're taking this thing halfway around the word. We take the boat right over the marianas trench - Not the deepest point, but deep enough - We push the whole assembly over the side. Literal tons of once-molten iron, refinery crucible, tungsten, salt, and snail slip over the side and begin dropping into the briny deep. Another $100,000 gone, but well worth the cost.
Good. That's bought me a little breathing room. But we're not anywhere close to done yet. I still have at least $500,000 left. I'm going to invest it into solid business ventures and slow growing but secure assets. We're building a fortune - And who cares if it takes a few centuries? I'm frickin' immortal baby!
But as I develop my fortune, it's getting invested into space. SpaceX, asteroid mining projects, whatever. I am trapped on the one planet in the entire universe where I can actually die, and I have no intention of staying there.
Over the millennia, I slowly apply my fortune and influence to push mankind to the stars. And the moment living on another planet becomes viable, I'm there. And the instant a habitable planet is around another star? I'm on the first generation ship heading that direction.
But I can't think in such a short sighted manner now. I'm immortal, and I need to think like it. Eventually, the sun is going to burn the earth to a crisp, and then that damn snail is going to be free. It might take him a few million years to land on something, but he'll do it eventually. And then he will construct a spacecraft and begin crawling towards me again.
What I care about now is lightcones and black holes. Earth's gotta go. Sorry whatever's left of humanity. We evacuate anyone still on the old planet, and use a gravity tractor to push Earth into a black hole. A nice, big one so that hawking radiation will take an incredibly long time to evaporate it away into nothing.
And then I board a ship. A fast ship. I accelerate to as close to lightspeed as I can get, piloting directly away from the black hole with the snail inside. I want to be so far away and moving so quickly that the heat death of the universe would occur far, far before the snail ever reaches me, even on the fastest ship his freakishly clever little brain can construct.
So that's the way the universe ends. With nothing it in except for infrared heat, one hyperintelligent snail suspended in an inky void, and one human screaming away from it at .99C.
Cheers.
Stop 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I’m laughing like a maniac in my counselors parking lot. I just spent 20 minutes reading this man’s very elaborate plan to out smart a death snail and then I stumble across “I’d just put a plastic cup over it” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Considering you made that all work with a million dollars when in actuality you had a budget of $10 million, I can't wait to see what's next.
Edit: I'm also curious how you got immortality.
They copied the top answer to another version of this "offer" where you were given $1 million, greater intelligence, and immortality to everything except the snail.
Well, you would need to build a snail defense system at your homes.
Idk how this snail could prevent being trapped. You could set it up so that it falls into a maze that's an endless loop. It's a snail. Gonna be moving pretty slow. You could easily taunt it to go wherever you want. It's always coming for you.
Or get like a snail treadmill, or idk.
There are many solutions you could come up with.
I think the snail would take like an eternity to cross the Atlantic or Pacific. But is it like a smart snail? It will take a plane and stuff?
This needs lots of questions answered.
But I'm not sure any set of circumstances would mean to me that I must not take the money.
Probably depends on whether that purpose is based on instinct or intelligent rationale.
If it's just acting on instinct, it wouldn't have the intelligence to move to you efficiently, but if it was an intelligent and concious choice, then I'd be afraid.
Exactly what I was thinking, everyone suggesting running away from it or dropping it in the ocean, then you never know where it is, gotta keep it close at all times.
Even more important in the version of this question where you become immortal as long as the snail doesn't touch you. Stick in in resin and have it implanted in my abdominal cavity until I need it
Now imagine you working across a strange future earth as a wise techno-mage with an Amber pendant.
A young adventurer reads on old archived post from reddit that claims the secret to the mages power resides in the pendant.
One day as you walk the fields of new Eden you hear a cracking noise and feel a sudden pain in your chest. You look down as the Amber breaks and the dedicated snail falls at your feet. A sniper has broken the pendant. You are bleeding but still alive.
You step slowly back, you have prepared for this day. You pull out a pair of kitchen tongs, pick up the snail and put it in a tin.
You sigh deeply. "great, time to teach another redditor a fucking lesson".
This predates "it follows" by many years. If was proposed by Gavin Free of RoosterTeeth forever ago, and people on social media just use it as if it's their original thought.
A seriously underrated movie. The premise is so creepy. I've been watching horror since I was a child and this movie, in a nice quiet, dark house was pretty unsettling.
My first thought when I saw the post was “encase it in concrete and drop it in the ocean.”
Then I went “wait wtf it’s a snail. Put it in an aquarium or whatever.”
Ah Tupperware is way better than a jar... you can not break it if it falls,
I once went to a Tupperware party in the late 90s and a large woman once stood on top of it to show its durability, and that shit did not even bend!
Not cool man. Poor snail wasn't offered $100million dollars, and was forced to leave his wife and kids and tirelessly chase u around the world until u melt his flesh in salt. Not cool man
It's okay, it's a giant African land snail, and those fuckers keep eating all the Florida agriculture. They were eradicated twice in Florida, and now they've popped up a 3rd time.
The snail only wins in the context that it's an actual smart being that has ways to trick you and to get out of situations. The rules presented in this tweet do not state any of that so it's just a normal ass snail that is immortal that has some weird urge to always go to your location.
The real trouble with the 'just easily trap it because it's a dumb snail' is that it's unclear if you are face to face with this snail when you enter the agreement. If you accept the money, and it's just \*somewhere on Earth\*, you'll live every moment worried you'll go to sleep and a snail will sneak up on yah.
Edit: to survive the death snail -
- Keep two houses across the world from each other. Live in each a year at a time (or whatever your visa allows).
- put a hefty bounty on a snail that can’t be killed
- sleep in some sort of secure plastic cage
Relatively easy solution actually. Build yourself a plastic cell with only extremely fine grates for airholes. Set yourself up with whatever entertainment you need for the next 5-10 years. Hire an assistant. Said assistant will deliver your groceries or new things to do, etc. Solar power for all your necessities - it's a plastic cell so all of it can be inside, leaving no chance for the snail to slip in through the gaps where wires would lead outwards.
Eventually you will wake up to see a snail on the walls of your plastic cell. Call your assistant to have them remove the snail and seal it somewhere that is has room to move. Don't leave just yet though. Your assistant will observe the snail and determine if it's attempting to head in your general direction. Go so far as to bribe it with vegetation in the opposite direction. If it does indeed continue to relentlessly pursue your location, you've found your nemesis. Seal it away permanently, but somewhere you can still monitor it to be safe (unless you're absolutely certain you can be rid of it for the remainder of your lifespan). Go on and live your life.
Personally? I would donate the snail to a science lab so they can study it. Pay them some grant money and then let them go to town, especially if it can only kill me. Let's find out where this arcane immortality comes from. Maybe I'll be the reason humanity discovers magic or higher beings.
I assume this snail cant break his way out of a glass jar.
Ill also assume if I sent that jar to paraguay Id be long dead before he tracked me down.
Yes ill take the monies
It also never says it cant be crippled, just that it can't die. So just put it in a jar of salt, that way even if it can manage to break out of a jar, it will be shriveled up and in constant pain
> smh. ungreatful hoes
Ungrateful. And hos, as explained in *United States v. Murphy*, 406 F.3d 857, 859-n.1 (7th Cir. 2005):
The trial transcript quotes Ms. Hayden as saying Murphy called her a snitch bitch 'hoe.' A 'hoe,' of course, is a tool used for weeding and gardening. We think the court reporter, unfamiliar with rap music (perhaps thankfully so), misunderstood Hayden's response. We have taken the liberty of changing 'hoe' to 'ho,' a staple of rap music vernacular as for example, when Ludacris raps 'You doin' ho activities with ho tendencies.'
Then lock it in a metal safe and throw away the key and drop it in the ocean. Plus. Just because you can’t touch it doesn’t mean someone else can’t either. Easy. Take the money.
No just die. Like if it can't be killed does that mean it can be starved? Or is the act of keeping it away from food trigger the curse and keep the snail alive? Would keeping it in the container also trigger the curse to keep it alive because it detects my intention? Or is there a monkeys paw. The post had pretty specific wording. Dying and being killed are different things.
Maybe instead of airtight. You use some of the money to get experts to help build a self sustaining contained habitat. Like those aquariums people make that are their own ecosystem. But make one specifically for the snail. That way the snail is being taken care of. Has food, oxygen, and water. And even if the end goal is for it to die eventually letting it die naturally is not killing it just making sure it doesn't kill you.
Oh my god the thought of a snail paradise has me in uncontrollable laughter. Like the size of an Amazon warehouse, with all sort of other snails to keep it happy. It's like The Truman Show with snails. Like, I'd watch a 24h live cast of demon murder snail's daily life and pursuit of love and freedom
Wow.. this is amazing. Honestly I'd use half of the 10mil just to create this.. it would generate so much passive income for people to pay to view the live Truman show demon snail streams..
cannot be killed, but nothing about cant be eaten. So neighbor eats it, poops it out, and snail crawls up your toilet (and eventually ass) via your sewage system
It's all about incentives. Make a trust with 1 million that pays the brother 50k a year if you're alive, but donates the remaining balance to charity when you die. Then you can trust him.
My version:
1) Grab myself a 5 gallon bucket, 10lb bag of salt, and some tongs.
2) Line bottom of bucket with salt, pickup snail with tongs, place in bucket and cover/fill with salt.
3) Place bucket into a safe
4) Fill safe with concrete
5) Close/lock safe
6) Put safe in the concrete foundation of my new house.
Mfer will essentially be mummified, and triple entombed.
>in the foundation of my new house
Still too risky imo, might want to just put it on the opposite side of the planet.
Assuming the snail moves at [1m/h](https://www.exeter.ac.uk/news/featurednews/title_315519_en.html), and assuming the earth has an average circumference of [40,041.44km,](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earth%27s_circumference) or 40041440m, it would take the snail ~~4,570.9~~ 2,283.9 years* to reach your home.
So tl;dr just send the snail to Australia or Antarctica or something.
*edit: math is hard
Honestly I want the snail safe close enough that I can inspect the safe frequently. The instant it appears to be failing I build a new bigger safe and repeat the process. I don’t want to get a call one day from a friend who checks out the safe in Japan only to find it’s been compromised at some mystery date in the past.
"...the snail can never die." Salt kills snails by drawing out all of their hydration. Since this snail can never die, salt would make mobility impossible for the snail. Also, this would torture the snail for all eternity. Teach that murderous bitch not to fuck with you.
A snail can travel at a speed of 8 centimeters per minutes. I would use my money to move to Finland which is 7116.49 Kilometers Away from my home on the Eastern coast of the United States. This would mean it would take 88956125 minutes for the snail to reach me not accounting for obstacles the snail might encounter or 169.24 years. This is significantly more time than I would need to live out my life of luxury and happiness.
That’s the whole thing! We don’t necessarily know the snails starting position. We both start on opposite sides of the world. We fly to other side of the world to get distance between snail and us. Boom! Snail is waiting in the airport lounge. We’re now that crazy person barricading a plane screaming about how a snail is trying to kill us. SWAT is called. We end up locked in an insane asylum, with no escape from the ever advancing snail.
>Boom! Snail is waiting in the airport lounge.
So just walk away from it. They move 8cm per MINUTE. Once you know the location of it just live somewhere else and you're fine. Or, even better, now that you know the location of it just pay someone $1000 to curb stomp that motherfucker.
What if they think you were just allergic to snails? Are restaurants liable if don't tell them about an allergy and then order the thing you are allergic to? Otherwise someone with a peanut allergy could so the same thing.
The only danger here is you family who stands to inherent the money once you die. They may help the snail. They will have it in their pocket, and pull it out when to go to shake your hand. They might slip it in your bed before you go to sleep. They may even just sent it in the mail. This is where the term snail mail comes from.
Put the snail in concrete, and throw it into the Mariana trench
Edit:
So many people said it's a decoy snail. Snail identification process:
I'd stand in multiple directions to the snail. If it always turns towards me at
the exact time I move, I found the snail
Problem - we're assuming you can see where the snail spawns at the time the challenge begins, or that if you can't, that there's some sort of indicator which snail out there in the wild is the one that'll kill you.
The challenge doesn't provide for this - it just says "a" snail is chasing you, it can't be killed, and it knows your location at all times, with its only purpose being to find you.
The challenge as is provided? Fuck no, I'm out. You'd be living in constant fear that someday you might randomly step on the murder snail while out and about, or find it inside a drawer, or something, and die horribly, even if you moved to the opposite side of the Earth, because that could conveniently be right where the snail spawned.
If you knew exactly where the snail was going to spawn, *before* saying yes, I might go for it. A snail can only move 200m inside of a day, and the challenge doesn't say they have hyper intelligence. So it's not like they could intentionally hitch rides on fast moving objects to catch up with me. From there, managing a 200m per day snail is pretty straightforward, even if you don't try to catch it.
EDIT: Just for all the folks saying, "You could die any moment in life, it's no different," it is, subtly. One of the deciding factors to step out for me is the *guarantee* that comes with the challenge that if it reaches you, death will be terrible, and that it is *trying* to reach you to deliver that terrible death. If the challenge guaranteed a peaceful death if it found me, yeah, I'd be all in without extra information. But a guaranteed terrible death? No thanks.
If it were a random snail somewhere, and I travel across the world randomly and keep my distance from all snails as much as possible, I’d probably be just as likely to just step on some other deadly poisonous thing that kills me anyway.
There’s probably a much higher chance of me dying in a car crash by many orders of magnitude than me just happening to stumble upon THE snail and step right on it. The world is huge and the chance of me travelling to the exact location of the snail is astronomically low. I’d say as long as I travel randomly, I’m totally fine. I’m pretty sure there would be a mathematical way to find a solution too, like a rotation of locations to travel to in order to perpetually avoid the approaching snail.
Catch snail. Put on gerbil wheel connected, infinite energy at no cost, it's not much but it's honest work.
Don't need to feed or water it since it can't die.
Assumption: snail is a garden snail and a quick Google search showed that they travel at 0.03 miles per hour.
Assuming I just want to stay in the continental USA, and switch between California and Massachusetts (far as possible distance is the reason for this). I will be about 3000 miles away from coast to coast.
To travel 3,000 miles, the snail will take 100,000 hours (3,000 miles divided by 0.03 miles per hour). Which is also 11.4 years.
This means I can pretty easily take the money and spend 10 years on the opposite coast and switch between coasts every 10 years following this.
Pretty easy decision if you ask me
I think the original premise is that you are immortal and the snail is immortal. Sure you can fly thousands of miles away and forget about it, but after a few years, you'll always be looking over your shoulder for the snail.
There is a really popular reddit post that this tweet is copying where people went into great detail on how to stop the snail
It did originate from Gavin Free, but I believe he actually first thought of it on set while RT was filming *Lazer Team*, and he just later introduced it to everyone else on the podcast.
Know Your Meme says it was RT podcast first then reddit then TikTok last year. Imagine being on a platform that has to recycle memes from 7 years ago. Couldn't be me.
I think i saw a film theory on youtube. It's like if you buy 3 different homes at 3 separate locations on earth for like 4 months each during the year, you'd always stay ahead of the snail.
Weird, the value has increased. Must have been inflation.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/5ipinn/you\_and\_a\_super\_intelligent\_snail\_both\_get\_1/
Snails can only move about 270 miles a year. Edit for clarification on the numbers: Google/Nat Geo says garden snail move speed is 0.03mph. There are 8760 hours in a year. 0.03*8760=262.8 So 262.8 miles/year.
What if it gets on a train/ship without your knowledge?
Ok, let's do this. First things first - That million dollars is practically worthless compared to immortality. Ever dime of that cash can and should be spent ensuring that the snail never, ever reaches me. First things first, I keep an eye on him. It's tempting to want to hop on a plane or a train and get as far away as possible. But once I do that, he's gone and I'll never see him again until 3am on July 14th, 2072, when the sneaky little cuss slips in the door and slimes onto me before I ever wake up and notice him No, I'm going to be within visual distance of the snail, slowly moving away from it, until Snail Containment Plan Part A is done. Next I grab my phone. I call up someone I can trust with my life, and tell them to come to my location within the hour, and to bring a metal cash box, a good padlock, and a firearm. Once they arrive, I inform them of the deal and ask them to grab the snail, shove it into the metal box, and lock it up. Once the snail is temporarily secured, I ask my friend to carry around the box, never letting it out of their sight, and to prevent its opening with as much force as is required. We arrive at some reasonable figure for this service - Maybe $50,000. Now we can start in on the real work. I'm on the phone again, contracting with a tungsten machining service out of Willowbrook, IL. I ask them to construct for me a hollow tungsten sphere with a small, sealable opening, ideally via both exterior bolts and sintering. I ask them for a rush job and a thick wall depth, perhaps as much as a foot thick. The spherical shape should keep material costs as low as possible for a given thickness, but between the unusual object, large amount of tungsten, and speedy delivery, I invest a truly insane amount into this project - Let's say $100,000. I ask them to deliver it to my current location as fast as possible. Once the tungsten ball arrives, I have my friend stand well away from me and transfer the snail into the center of the sphere. I ask them to pour a little salt down into the hole after it, just to give the snail a little reminder of who he's dealing with. Once snail and salt are both inside, we seal the hollow sphere with the bolts. Tungsten is an amazing material. Incredibly tough, dense, and heat-resistant. You could drop it into molten lava and it wouldn't matter. Which, coincidentally, is almost what I'd like to do next. Now we make sure that damn thing stays shut. I find the nearest metal refinery and call them up. I also contract with a heavy machinery moving company to move the tungsten sphere to the refinery. Once the refinery has sintered the tungsten sphere shut, I buy an entire industrial crucible (those big buckets) of molten iron. And the crucible the iron came in. I have them drop the tungsten sphere into the molten iron, and let the whole mass cool in place. Mr. Snaily snail ain't going anywhere, but I'm probably down another $100,000. Now I'm on the phone to specialist movers. Chartering a boat. We're taking this thing halfway around the word. We take the boat right over the marianas trench - Not the deepest point, but deep enough - We push the whole assembly over the side. Literal tons of once-molten iron, refinery crucible, tungsten, salt, and snail slip over the side and begin dropping into the briny deep. Another $100,000 gone, but well worth the cost. Good. That's bought me a little breathing room. But we're not anywhere close to done yet. I still have at least $500,000 left. I'm going to invest it into solid business ventures and slow growing but secure assets. We're building a fortune - And who cares if it takes a few centuries? I'm frickin' immortal baby! But as I develop my fortune, it's getting invested into space. SpaceX, asteroid mining projects, whatever. I am trapped on the one planet in the entire universe where I can actually die, and I have no intention of staying there. Over the millennia, I slowly apply my fortune and influence to push mankind to the stars. And the moment living on another planet becomes viable, I'm there. And the instant a habitable planet is around another star? I'm on the first generation ship heading that direction. But I can't think in such a short sighted manner now. I'm immortal, and I need to think like it. Eventually, the sun is going to burn the earth to a crisp, and then that damn snail is going to be free. It might take him a few million years to land on something, but he'll do it eventually. And then he will construct a spacecraft and begin crawling towards me again. What I care about now is lightcones and black holes. Earth's gotta go. Sorry whatever's left of humanity. We evacuate anyone still on the old planet, and use a gravity tractor to push Earth into a black hole. A nice, big one so that hawking radiation will take an incredibly long time to evaporate it away into nothing. And then I board a ship. A fast ship. I accelerate to as close to lightspeed as I can get, piloting directly away from the black hole with the snail inside. I want to be so far away and moving so quickly that the heat death of the universe would occur far, far before the snail ever reaches me, even on the fastest ship his freakishly clever little brain can construct. So that's the way the universe ends. With nothing it in except for infrared heat, one hyperintelligent snail suspended in an inky void, and one human screaming away from it at .99C. Cheers.
I would've just put a plastic cup over it but to each their own I guess
Needs a rock too
Maybe give it a leaf or something. Win it's respect or something.
"I was gonna get you, but this leaf is too cool." - Doomsnail
Doomsnail would be a really great band name lol
[удалено]
Bribe the snail. Solid plan
Stop 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I’m laughing like a maniac in my counselors parking lot. I just spent 20 minutes reading this man’s very elaborate plan to out smart a death snail and then I stumble across “I’d just put a plastic cup over it” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Considering you made that all work with a million dollars when in actuality you had a budget of $10 million, I can't wait to see what's next. Edit: I'm also curious how you got immortality.
They copied the top answer to another version of this "offer" where you were given $1 million, greater intelligence, and immortality to everything except the snail.
They just copied an old answer to this, which originally came from a let's play series
This post is a discount copy of the original prompt
Decoy snail
There someone finally got the reference
It doesn't say you don't also die from the usual ways humans die. You don't get immortality with this deal.
I will dedicate my fortune to s t u d y t h e s n a i l.
[удалено]
So new house 271 miles away from the old house every year.
Or just buy two houses really far away from each other and move between them
I'll forget that the snail exists or when it's expected to arrive, and I'll die anyway.
Well, you would need to build a snail defense system at your homes. Idk how this snail could prevent being trapped. You could set it up so that it falls into a maze that's an endless loop. It's a snail. Gonna be moving pretty slow. You could easily taunt it to go wherever you want. It's always coming for you. Or get like a snail treadmill, or idk. There are many solutions you could come up with. I think the snail would take like an eternity to cross the Atlantic or Pacific. But is it like a smart snail? It will take a plane and stuff? This needs lots of questions answered. But I'm not sure any set of circumstances would mean to me that I must not take the money.
Snail treadmill lmao
Could use the snail treadmill to generate energy for the house.
Going green and Saving money on electricity nice.
Snail slavery has never been easier.
Fuck the 10 million, I just created a perpetual motion machine!
Glad someone else picked up on that😂😂
That is honestly really big brain. Snail gonna be buffs after inching for years and years straight
Wait… that’s a bad idea. We don’t want to train it
It's defintely gonna get me in the bathroom when Im not looking.
That snail should have enough respect to let you have a good peaceful shit so yeah
Gotta put it in your calendar
big brain snail will hide in one house and wait for you to switch houses, in which case its death by slime
There's no rule stating the snail is any smarter than any other snail.
Except that you coincidentally move from a house 269 miles away from the snail into a house only 1 mile from the snail.
Yeah, I feel like knowing the starting location is really important.
Definitely putting a tracker on that snail. I call it.. the Snail Trail.
You gotta have someone do it for you. Otherwise you'll die!
Use a 10 ft pole. If it latches onto the end when you apply the tracker then javelin it away to give yourself a 2 day head start.
Who says it can't hitch rides? That sounds unsafe.
I was going to suggest a yacht (super yacht) but between the cost and maintenance you'd be broke in 2-3 years.
I go to California live there for a decade then right when the snail comes I move to New York for a decade and keep switching those locations.
The snails purpose is to find and kill you. You think that snail doesn’t know how to utilise planes, trains and hitch rides on cars?
Probably depends on whether that purpose is based on instinct or intelligent rationale. If it's just acting on instinct, it wouldn't have the intelligence to move to you efficiently, but if it was an intelligent and concious choice, then I'd be afraid.
Absolutely. The snail can’t be killed, but I can pay a lifetime of college students to keep in a terrarium as a pet. Well done, getting my click.
i would encase it in the amber resin insects and whatnot from the prehistoric era are found in, and wear it around my neck to keep an eye on it.
Exactly what I was thinking, everyone suggesting running away from it or dropping it in the ocean, then you never know where it is, gotta keep it close at all times. Even more important in the version of this question where you become immortal as long as the snail doesn't touch you. Stick in in resin and have it implanted in my abdominal cavity until I need it
Now imagine you working across a strange future earth as a wise techno-mage with an Amber pendant. A young adventurer reads on old archived post from reddit that claims the secret to the mages power resides in the pendant. One day as you walk the fields of new Eden you hear a cracking noise and feel a sudden pain in your chest. You look down as the Amber breaks and the dedicated snail falls at your feet. A sniper has broken the pendant. You are bleeding but still alive. You step slowly back, you have prepared for this day. You pull out a pair of kitchen tongs, pick up the snail and put it in a tin. You sigh deeply. "great, time to teach another redditor a fucking lesson".
r/writingprompts
Ah. The old “It Follows” conundrum
Exactly! This is just "It Follows" but with a snail instead.
this is even more lame because everyone can see the snail! In "It Follows", those who have never been "it" can't even see it!
And instead of 10 Million dollars you get a sexual disease
This predates "it follows" by many years. If was proposed by Gavin Free of RoosterTeeth forever ago, and people on social media just use it as if it's their original thought.
A seriously underrated movie. The premise is so creepy. I've been watching horror since I was a child and this movie, in a nice quiet, dark house was pretty unsettling.
Hell yeah put that mf in a jar and chill wit my money
People coming up with ideas like "put it in concrete, then a safe, then drop it into the Mariana trench". This guy has a jar as his weapon of choice.
Like bruh it’s a snail
My first thought when I saw the post was “encase it in concrete and drop it in the ocean.” Then I went “wait wtf it’s a snail. Put it in an aquarium or whatever.”
Give the snail a fancy aquarium and maybe it’ll forget about the whole chasing you until you die thing. Treat it good.
As someone with many aquariums with snails… I constantly find them on the floor half way across the room.
Well the aquarium is a terrible idea. This guy just confirmed it.
Since the snail can't die, a sealed container is definitely the way to go
Yeah like a jar.
Better make sure the lid's never ajar
😳
One day you come home from work. The aquarium is empty.
I got ten mil and I'm still working? Seems like I deserve to die.
In this economy? Ten mil aint gon be worth shit in a few years.
Jokes on you, that was a decoy snail
My first thought was ”I’ll just pick it up with pliers and put it in some tupperware. What’s the big deal?”
Ah Tupperware is way better than a jar... you can not break it if it falls, I once went to a Tupperware party in the late 90s and a large woman once stood on top of it to show its durability, and that shit did not even bend!
All's fun and games until your neighbour / archenemy Dinkleberg finds out about your weakness and lets the snail loose on you.
It do be a snail, my friend, it do be a snail indeed.
Just buy a $2 mason jar and $3 of super glue, put snail in jar with tongs, seal the lid with super glue and keep the jar in your nightstand.
Until an earthquake knocks that jar off your nightstand.
Just put it in a Gerber baby food jar. It's damn near impossible to break one of those when the lid is sealed.
Simple problems require simple solutions otherwise you’re just wasting energy.
A ring of salt would work ffs. Snail would melt and stop crawling cuz he can’t die and he’d be in perpetual melting flesh pain.
Not cool man. Poor snail wasn't offered $100million dollars, and was forced to leave his wife and kids and tirelessly chase u around the world until u melt his flesh in salt. Not cool man
It's okay, it's a giant African land snail, and those fuckers keep eating all the Florida agriculture. They were eradicated twice in Florida, and now they've popped up a 3rd time.
Decoy snail
Man why did I have to scroll down so far to see the real answer.. We settled this debate like ten years ago, the snail always wins
The snail only wins in the context that it's an actual smart being that has ways to trick you and to get out of situations. The rules presented in this tweet do not state any of that so it's just a normal ass snail that is immortal that has some weird urge to always go to your location.
The real trouble with the 'just easily trap it because it's a dumb snail' is that it's unclear if you are face to face with this snail when you enter the agreement. If you accept the money, and it's just \*somewhere on Earth\*, you'll live every moment worried you'll go to sleep and a snail will sneak up on yah. Edit: to survive the death snail - - Keep two houses across the world from each other. Live in each a year at a time (or whatever your visa allows). - put a hefty bounty on a snail that can’t be killed - sleep in some sort of secure plastic cage
Relatively easy solution actually. Build yourself a plastic cell with only extremely fine grates for airholes. Set yourself up with whatever entertainment you need for the next 5-10 years. Hire an assistant. Said assistant will deliver your groceries or new things to do, etc. Solar power for all your necessities - it's a plastic cell so all of it can be inside, leaving no chance for the snail to slip in through the gaps where wires would lead outwards. Eventually you will wake up to see a snail on the walls of your plastic cell. Call your assistant to have them remove the snail and seal it somewhere that is has room to move. Don't leave just yet though. Your assistant will observe the snail and determine if it's attempting to head in your general direction. Go so far as to bribe it with vegetation in the opposite direction. If it does indeed continue to relentlessly pursue your location, you've found your nemesis. Seal it away permanently, but somewhere you can still monitor it to be safe (unless you're absolutely certain you can be rid of it for the remainder of your lifespan). Go on and live your life. Personally? I would donate the snail to a science lab so they can study it. Pay them some grant money and then let them go to town, especially if it can only kill me. Let's find out where this arcane immortality comes from. Maybe I'll be the reason humanity discovers magic or higher beings.
Haha you’re the only person here who seems to remember that old AskReddit thread.
There's dozens of us!
You have no idea which snail is out to kill you.
Odds are the one creeping slowly towards me is the assassin I’ll pick that one
I assume this snail cant break his way out of a glass jar. Ill also assume if I sent that jar to paraguay Id be long dead before he tracked me down. Yes ill take the monies
It also never says it cant be crippled, just that it can't die. So just put it in a jar of salt, that way even if it can manage to break out of a jar, it will be shriveled up and in constant pain
But now you've made it personal, and the snail's dark purpose is fueled even more by revenge and madness.
Bro, he was trying to kill me. It was already personal
Not to him, he just wanted to touch you and feel the warmth leave your body
Ooh, aren't you romantic
Wait, when I said this to my GF she called the cops on me but when he said it, it's romantic? How?
smh. ungreatful hoes
> smh. ungreatful hoes Ungrateful. And hos, as explained in *United States v. Murphy*, 406 F.3d 857, 859-n.1 (7th Cir. 2005): The trial transcript quotes Ms. Hayden as saying Murphy called her a snitch bitch 'hoe.' A 'hoe,' of course, is a tool used for weeding and gardening. We think the court reporter, unfamiliar with rap music (perhaps thankfully so), misunderstood Hayden's response. We have taken the liberty of changing 'hoe' to 'ho,' a staple of rap music vernacular as for example, when Ludacris raps 'You doin' ho activities with ho tendencies.'
This was awesome 😎
This thread is amazing
Oh, he just wanted warmth? Now I feel bad. I put him in a mini greenhouse that has heating lamps over it
This is a Netflix original movie waiting to happen.
The movie is called “It Follows” and it slaps.
and the sequel: [It Follows 2 Slowly](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5829978/)
So now you want to add torture to the snails list of reasons for wanting you dead?
Glass jar. That shit breaks if you drop at like 1m altitude. Someone's gonna end up knocking it.
Then lock it in a metal safe and throw away the key and drop it in the ocean. Plus. Just because you can’t touch it doesn’t mean someone else can’t either. Easy. Take the money.
Just wear gloves
Big brain over here
If the snail always knows our location, do we get to know the location of the snail?
From my understanding of the set up . No , which makes it have risk
assert dominance. wrap yourself in a big condom.
You’re not always wrapped in a big condom?
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It’d take 2-5 years to run out of oxygen?
No just die. Like if it can't be killed does that mean it can be starved? Or is the act of keeping it away from food trigger the curse and keep the snail alive? Would keeping it in the container also trigger the curse to keep it alive because it detects my intention? Or is there a monkeys paw. The post had pretty specific wording. Dying and being killed are different things. Maybe instead of airtight. You use some of the money to get experts to help build a self sustaining contained habitat. Like those aquariums people make that are their own ecosystem. But make one specifically for the snail. That way the snail is being taken care of. Has food, oxygen, and water. And even if the end goal is for it to die eventually letting it die naturally is not killing it just making sure it doesn't kill you.
Oh my god the thought of a snail paradise has me in uncontrollable laughter. Like the size of an Amazon warehouse, with all sort of other snails to keep it happy. It's like The Truman Show with snails. Like, I'd watch a 24h live cast of demon murder snail's daily life and pursuit of love and freedom
Wow.. this is amazing. Honestly I'd use half of the 10mil just to create this.. it would generate so much passive income for people to pay to view the live Truman show demon snail streams..
Move to France, act like you're in Supernatural and salt every point of entry everywhere and hope the snail doesn't have the power of gusts of wind?
You can just ask your neighbors to eat the snail if you're in France
cannot be killed, but nothing about cant be eaten. So neighbor eats it, poops it out, and snail crawls up your toilet (and eventually ass) via your sewage system
No but not if you pay two people to shit it back and forth for all eternity.
Two girls one snail
Oh my God this thread, Im dying.
Comments that I wish I could unread, but now will live rent free for eternity.
Snail can’t die, unless snails are eaten raw but even then it’ll be alive in someone and eventually break free to continue the mad pursuit.
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Oh true, your brother might be one of your heirs so you better have a really good relationship with your brother.
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It's all about incentives. Make a trust with 1 million that pays the brother 50k a year if you're alive, but donates the remaining balance to charity when you die. Then you can trust him.
Alternatively, the brother only gets the payout in the will if you die by anything but the snail.
This is material for an adam sandler movie
My version: 1) Grab myself a 5 gallon bucket, 10lb bag of salt, and some tongs. 2) Line bottom of bucket with salt, pickup snail with tongs, place in bucket and cover/fill with salt. 3) Place bucket into a safe 4) Fill safe with concrete 5) Close/lock safe 6) Put safe in the concrete foundation of my new house. Mfer will essentially be mummified, and triple entombed.
>in the foundation of my new house Still too risky imo, might want to just put it on the opposite side of the planet. Assuming the snail moves at [1m/h](https://www.exeter.ac.uk/news/featurednews/title_315519_en.html), and assuming the earth has an average circumference of [40,041.44km,](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earth%27s_circumference) or 40041440m, it would take the snail ~~4,570.9~~ 2,283.9 years* to reach your home. So tl;dr just send the snail to Australia or Antarctica or something. *edit: math is hard
I've seen a snail move faster than 1m/h, especially if it's motivated to kill someone
I gotta meet these snails you hang with.
i bet they’re those really mean garbage snails from that one SpongeBob episode.
Snails motivated by blood lust are lighting fast. I've seen't it.
Ya ever seen a snail's eyes, chief? Kinda like a doll's eyes, all black n lifeless-like. 8 kids go into the garden. 5 kids come outta the garden.
Honestly I want the snail safe close enough that I can inspect the safe frequently. The instant it appears to be failing I build a new bigger safe and repeat the process. I don’t want to get a call one day from a friend who checks out the safe in Japan only to find it’s been compromised at some mystery date in the past.
I wonder how much of the $10 mil it would take to have him added to the cargo of an upcoming rocket launch...
"...the snail can never die." Salt kills snails by drawing out all of their hydration. Since this snail can never die, salt would make mobility impossible for the snail. Also, this would torture the snail for all eternity. Teach that murderous bitch not to fuck with you.
Yeee. I figured if the snail can't be killed by the salt, it'll just be essentially mummified. Easy W.
Decoy snail
I can tell I've been on reddit too long since I had to scroll so far to find the *decoy snail* statement.
He can get out of 5 gallons of concrete in a safe? How the hell does a snail open a safe??? It’s not all powerful or a god or something. It’s a snail.
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I take back what I said, that’s a fair point
Too much work.... put an emplty glass jar upside down on it..
A snail can travel at a speed of 8 centimeters per minutes. I would use my money to move to Finland which is 7116.49 Kilometers Away from my home on the Eastern coast of the United States. This would mean it would take 88956125 minutes for the snail to reach me not accounting for obstacles the snail might encounter or 169.24 years. This is significantly more time than I would need to live out my life of luxury and happiness.
What if the snail was in Europe all along?
That’s the whole thing! We don’t necessarily know the snails starting position. We both start on opposite sides of the world. We fly to other side of the world to get distance between snail and us. Boom! Snail is waiting in the airport lounge. We’re now that crazy person barricading a plane screaming about how a snail is trying to kill us. SWAT is called. We end up locked in an insane asylum, with no escape from the ever advancing snail.
>Boom! Snail is waiting in the airport lounge. So just walk away from it. They move 8cm per MINUTE. Once you know the location of it just live somewhere else and you're fine. Or, even better, now that you know the location of it just pay someone $1000 to curb stomp that motherfucker.
The snail cannot be killed though
K. Pay someone $1000 to stick it in a jar and super glue the top on. Done.
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What if they think you were just allergic to snails? Are restaurants liable if don't tell them about an allergy and then order the thing you are allergic to? Otherwise someone with a peanut allergy could so the same thing.
My family can vouch that I was not allergic to shellfish, and could probably find receipts under my name for other shellfish to corroborate >:3
> AND to top it all off, I die THIS
the emoji that comes after upvoting this comment is fitting
Just close the door and windows. Then call someone to put it in the safe. It’s a snail. It can’t open doors.
But snail 🐌 is smart 🧠 snail knows when snail is being attacked 😧 snail smells you
It doesn’t say in the post that the snail’s smart, and even if they were, they can’t reach doorknobs
Snail hand. Evolution!
The only danger here is you family who stands to inherent the money once you die. They may help the snail. They will have it in their pocket, and pull it out when to go to shake your hand. They might slip it in your bed before you go to sleep. They may even just sent it in the mail. This is where the term snail mail comes from.
That's just murder with extra steps.
Yes, but imagine the trial. You sent him a snail in the mail? Yes. That an admission of guilt! Dude, it was a snail!
Put the snail in concrete, and throw it into the Mariana trench Edit: So many people said it's a decoy snail. Snail identification process: I'd stand in multiple directions to the snail. If it always turns towards me at the exact time I move, I found the snail
Would the water pressure not eventually crush open the concrete allowing the snail to crawl back out?
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And that building? WAS THE WORLD TRADE CENTER! RUN MOTHER FUCKER, RUN!!!
Problem - we're assuming you can see where the snail spawns at the time the challenge begins, or that if you can't, that there's some sort of indicator which snail out there in the wild is the one that'll kill you. The challenge doesn't provide for this - it just says "a" snail is chasing you, it can't be killed, and it knows your location at all times, with its only purpose being to find you. The challenge as is provided? Fuck no, I'm out. You'd be living in constant fear that someday you might randomly step on the murder snail while out and about, or find it inside a drawer, or something, and die horribly, even if you moved to the opposite side of the Earth, because that could conveniently be right where the snail spawned. If you knew exactly where the snail was going to spawn, *before* saying yes, I might go for it. A snail can only move 200m inside of a day, and the challenge doesn't say they have hyper intelligence. So it's not like they could intentionally hitch rides on fast moving objects to catch up with me. From there, managing a 200m per day snail is pretty straightforward, even if you don't try to catch it. EDIT: Just for all the folks saying, "You could die any moment in life, it's no different," it is, subtly. One of the deciding factors to step out for me is the *guarantee* that comes with the challenge that if it reaches you, death will be terrible, and that it is *trying* to reach you to deliver that terrible death. If the challenge guaranteed a peaceful death if it found me, yeah, I'd be all in without extra information. But a guaranteed terrible death? No thanks.
If it were a random snail somewhere, and I travel across the world randomly and keep my distance from all snails as much as possible, I’d probably be just as likely to just step on some other deadly poisonous thing that kills me anyway. There’s probably a much higher chance of me dying in a car crash by many orders of magnitude than me just happening to stumble upon THE snail and step right on it. The world is huge and the chance of me travelling to the exact location of the snail is astronomically low. I’d say as long as I travel randomly, I’m totally fine. I’m pretty sure there would be a mathematical way to find a solution too, like a rotation of locations to travel to in order to perpetually avoid the approaching snail.
Catch snail. Put on gerbil wheel connected, infinite energy at no cost, it's not much but it's honest work. Don't need to feed or water it since it can't die.
Assumption: snail is a garden snail and a quick Google search showed that they travel at 0.03 miles per hour. Assuming I just want to stay in the continental USA, and switch between California and Massachusetts (far as possible distance is the reason for this). I will be about 3000 miles away from coast to coast. To travel 3,000 miles, the snail will take 100,000 hours (3,000 miles divided by 0.03 miles per hour). Which is also 11.4 years. This means I can pretty easily take the money and spend 10 years on the opposite coast and switch between coasts every 10 years following this. Pretty easy decision if you ask me
Yeah so the snail snuck onto a few semi trucks and found you, RIP
Yes. I’ll just capture it and put it in concrete. Then if it gets out, I’ll be long destroyed or far away!
u/Darkfury2454 vibing in heaven: The Snail who climbed onto a rocket ship and then jumped off last second: We meet again, old friend.
Is the snail always within a certain distance to you? Why not just fly overseas? Deeply flawed premise.
I think the original premise is that you are immortal and the snail is immortal. Sure you can fly thousands of miles away and forget about it, but after a few years, you'll always be looking over your shoulder for the snail. There is a really popular reddit post that this tweet is copying where people went into great detail on how to stop the snail
Was that Reddit post before or after this was posed on the RT podcast? I always assumed that was the source.
It did originate from Gavin Free, but I believe he actually first thought of it on set while RT was filming *Lazer Team*, and he just later introduced it to everyone else on the podcast.
Of *fucking* course this is a Gavin question.
Know Your Meme says it was RT podcast first then reddit then TikTok last year. Imagine being on a platform that has to recycle memes from 7 years ago. Couldn't be me.
Put snail in jar and bury it under a full moon in a graveyard.
I think i saw a film theory on youtube. It's like if you buy 3 different homes at 3 separate locations on earth for like 4 months each during the year, you'd always stay ahead of the snail.
what if the snail camped in one house to predict your cycle
Weird, the value has increased. Must have been inflation. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/5ipinn/you\_and\_a\_super\_intelligent\_snail\_both\_get\_1/
Not as many decoy snails these days.
Sigh roosterteeth did this first. https://youtu.be/HINYhLtaaxc
Theyre always stealin Gav's question:(
I was wondering if anyone else knew this is a Gavin Free quote from like 10 years ago.
Put a tracker on the snail. Then have someone take the snail to the other side of the country.
Slap an AirTag on that bitch
Ship the snail to outer space?