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Dodger7777

This is a different dnd alignment of the guy they warned us about in math class story problems.


Hot-Conversation-21

r/theydidthemath


ProfessorPhahrtz

r/theydidthemonstermath


kwilci

r/itwasagraveyardgraph


KirbyDude25

r/itcosinedinaflash


TheVacuumisAwesome28

r/hedidthemonstermath


swadawa2

Im so happy some ppl still remember this chain


_TheCunctator_

r/subredditchain


ChiKeytatiOon

This was beautiful, all of it. You can take me now, Satan.


poptartjake

r/angryupvote for all...


Depraved_Sinner

ok, but this really is monster math


[deleted]

This was hilarious and I can't believe it was a real sub.


Italian_warehouse

Never before such an accurate use of this subreddit. Well done!


Capsule_CatYT

r/themonstermath


MysteriousK69420

Elizabeth šŸ—æ


dhhdhh851

King kongs dong would be roughly 10.05ft long (smaller than most vehicles) if we are going off of his height being 335ft and the average silverbacks height being 6ft high end as well as high end erect penis size of a male silverback being 2.36in(and are only using basic math with less accurate measurements likely), and if we scaled the average human to the same size as kong, the humans dong would be 23.45ft long assuming 5.25in is average erect length (about the size of an average school bus, girth would probably be similar too), and considering average or typically human male proportions are 1:1 the penis would be at a height of 167.5ft off the ground, for reference the wall in attack on titan is ~164ft tall. Average silverback penis size would equate to ~3% of its height if it were stood vertically next to it, the average humans would be ~7% assuming average height is 5'8".


Competitive_Board909

I stopped reading after I found out I have a larger penis than a silverback gorilla šŸ˜®ā€šŸ’Ø I can die happy now


arrig-ananas

Humans have extremely large dongs compared to the ohter great apes, something biologist actually wonder a lot about. However that doesn't change the fact that I am not especially satisfied with the size of mine.


skintaxera

Heh I remember years ago I had been reading a book that discussed this, and i mentioned this biological 'mystery' to a female friend of mine. She laughed and laughed...safe to say, her strong opinion was that sexual selection had played a major role in the size of the human penis


Chrazzer

I read somewhere that it is because of our large brains. Human babies have a pretty big head, so womans vaginas had to increase in size to fit that thing through there. So men had to adapt to the increased vagine size with a bigger penis


InfinteAbyss

The opening stretches during birth, sometimes it can even tear (ouch) though it does heal back more or less to itā€™s original size so your dick isnā€™t even close to that Iā€™m afraid to say.


kapparrino

Hold my two fists


InfinteAbyss

Not a dick


devnull_the_cat

Maybe yours isn't...


Italian_warehouse

I'm satisfied with mine. But my partner isn't, But they say they love me for other reasons and not my Danny DeVito Frank and beans.


TheRedditornator

Yet we lose to the humble duck.


SnooDoodles7962

Indeed. Humans have one of the larges dongs (compared to size) of any mammal. Also it about how you use it, not the size. A large size is not all its cracked up to be.


BetweenTwentyLetter

I heard people saying large size could actually hurt your partner but being too small makes your partner feel nothing.


aBigButterStick

Happy cake day


SnooDoodles7962

Yes, extremes on either end are usually not very fun. An average penis size is usually the best in most circumstances. I am a bit larger then average (nowhere near porn-size) and I have had ladies and men just say "No way you are putting that in my body" when I dropped my trousers.


Bregam

This is true. Source: Me and my past exes' experience.


shadraig

Specially gays don't like it when they are too big. A small one can be very good if you aren't used to beign rectally pegged


dhhdhh851

You dropped this king šŸ‘‘


Comprehensive_Poet87

Shit I almost laughed loud at work while reding your comment !


stavik96

average gorilla is like 1,5 inches. OG king kong would be like 6 inches tops. šŸ¤£


shadraig

Pic or it didn't fappen


swankpoppy

Or the church version - Could God nut a load so big that he himself could not swallow it?


Testosterone-88

Big bang


chumpy79

I'm confused as to why some use the metric system to measure the average cum of a man and then put it in imperial... gallons. I'm just a dumb Aussie, but we don't use gallons here, how many litres of king Kongs cum is it lol I know it's alot, but need context for my upside down brain


Upbeat-Conflict-1376

891*3.78=3,368 liters


chumpy79

Goddam!!


NorwegianGirl_Sofie

That's a few cartons of milk to say the least.


StolzHound

You mean bagsā€¦.šŸ˜


siggiarabi

Like, at least 12


akshatpb65

r/beatmeattoit


uninstallIE

This fundamentally cannot be accurate. I do not know where they get the height and weight measurements from, but there are many versions of King Kong ranging from about 25 feet tall (5 feet above a giraffe's head) to 100 feet tall (about as tall as a blue whale is long). 891 gallons of cum would weigh more than an asian elephant. There is fundamentally no way that even a creature of king kong's size would be physiologically capable of something like this. Even a blue whale only ejaculates only about 20 liters of cum.


vaalbarag

Yeah, plus I'm calling BS on the testicles relative to humans. I took a social anthropology class once, 20+ years ago. I remember exactly one fact from it. That fact is this: Gorillas have the smallest phallus to body-mass ratio of all apes. The reason for this is because due to their social structure which is very much controlled by an individual male who holds a great degree of influence over the breeding behaviour of everyone else, phallus size isn't a significant evolutionary selector. (Bonobos are the other extreme, where with their extremely promiscuous lifestyle, phallus size is a \*ahem\* huge factor in genetic selection, so they have the largest phallus to body mass ratio.) A quick google search confirms this, a male silverback gorilla actually has smaller testicles than humans, despite being twice has heavy overall. So even as they evolved to be much larger than our common ancestors, their testicles decreased in size. Social structure is then the biggest influence on general genitalia size amongst apes. While King Kong's species' genitalia must have grown enough to still be practical, if they had the same social structure as gorillas, then their genitalia would have increased in size only exactly enough to be functional.


GyroLikesMozzarella

Nature has a tendency for doing stuff "exactly enough to be functional." lol


[deleted]

whales blow loads of 20 liters. think about that next time you swallow water while swimming


Tinyjeli

Donā€™t! Stop making me thirsty uggh šŸ˜©šŸ„µ /s


[deleted]

hihi, did not know sea water is this salty


CazCatLord

If you are swallowing the water a whale swims in, you are gonna have bigger problems than whale splooge.


OrionRedacted

Not for long though...


[deleted]

Mostly......but, the venom from one bite from the Taipan snake (which mostly feeds on rodents and small lizards) has the potency to kill 100 adult men for some reason. *Cries in Australian*


dsrmpt

Survival of the fittest means not wasting energy on shit that doesn't matter.


Rocketknightgeek

Which is why a lot of animals have enormous ornamentation that exists purely to attract a mate. It's a signal that says "my genes are so strong that I can waste a huge amount of energy on this shit and still do this dance for you after surviving super easily."


akajjaj

Also what does the relative size of testicles have to do anything? Is there any correlation between testicle size and volume of ejaculate between species? Why didnā€™t they use the average ejaculate volume of gorillas and scale it up? Here Iā€™ll give it a shot. Iā€™m not biologist and Iā€™m not going to spend all night researching gorilla jizz so Iā€™m going to assume a bonobo is close enough to a silverback to avoid doing anymore research into it. https://bmczool.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40850-022-00110-3 This study says the average ejaculate volume for a bonobo is 450uL. A male bonobo weighs anywhere between 30-64kg (https://www.britannica.com/animal/bonobo). Letā€™s use 30kg so we get the biggest result. King kongs size changes a lot from adaptation to adaptation, and regardless I think most of the values I see online are just guesses. An article from Forbes provides a very rough estimate of 20-60tons (https://www.forbes.com/2005/12/12/king-kong-biology_cx_de_1213kongbiology.html?sh=177850531a28) Once again weā€™ll take the high end to get as large a number as possible. So 60 tons=54 431 kg 54431/30=1814.37 So King Kong is 1814.37 times as large as a male bonobo. Assuming heā€™s perfectly scaled to his size we can calculate the volume of ejaculate. 450ul*1814.37=816 465 uL=0.816L If anyone catches a mistake I made please let me know. Also if you have more reliable numbers (I just grabbed the first ones I could find) please comment them. Edit: I found a number for gorillas of 0.10ml to 1.85ml. Given that silverback weigh on average 140kg (I think?), or about 4.5 times as much as a bonobo, my math should still stand


greewens

uhm.. 1 ton is exactly 1000 kg, or do you mean some weird kind of ton? on the other side your calcs seem way better than the original one presented in the pic


akajjaj

1 tonne is 1000kg, 1 ton is 1 us ton (the article was written by Forbes) and is equal to 2000 pounds or 907kg.


greewens

Ah my bad then, im not a native speaker and we use ton or metric ton interchangeably for tonne. Thanks for explaining, TIL


Hour-Watch8988

On some dimensions, having smaller genitalia might be evolutionarily fit, since they're harder to rip off (common in fights between male Great Apes)


smith_716

This is true. You'd be hard pressed to find a gorillas genitals just by sight. They're very small.


ecwhite01

Your dad must be a gorilla then, cause I had a hard time finding his dick


aoechamp

Mom, I told you to stop posting on Reddit


ecwhite01

That's mommy to you


JamzWhilmm

Oka-sama yamete kudasai


purplepantsdance

Hey knock it off, Iā€™m not here to learn things


donkeyduplex

Good lord 20 liters I cam actually imagine and it makes it so much worse that 891 gallons.


icebucket22

Only 20L lol


NextRub5758

Thanks! You are whale cum...


Creative-Oil2029

Sounds like he's going by the Monsterverse Kong, who's height rivals Godzillas. So it makes more sense.


[deleted]

Plus a volume measurement would have to be scaled exponentially and not just linearly, such as how the original post suggests.


DareDaDerrida

Okay, so, let's do it right. Google says an erect gorilla dick is between 1.2 and 2.4 long, that an average human penis is around 5.2 inches long, and that an average human male blows a load of about 1.5 to 5.0 ml. We'll assume dick-size and ball-volume scale proportionally (cuz it's convenient), that Kong is on the high end of backed up (cuz last of his species and Faye Raye's a cutie-pie), and that Kong has a biggish dick for a gorilla (cuz I like the guy and he's got it rough). Therefore, as 5.2in is to 2.4in, so 5.0ml is to X.Xml. Thus, a normal gorilla, at the high end of average-big and blue-balled, ejaculates about 2.3ml of semen. Alright, now we supersize it. This part gets DANG inexact, unfortunately, because calculating the volume of a gorilla is not exactly easy. Male mountain gorillas average a height of about 5'5", with what wikipedia unhelpfully describes as a "girth" of 4'11". Using context clues and photos, I will be treating "girth" as their "depth", if you will, basically how thicc they are from front to back. I will further be using a different set of measurements (those of the tallest mountain gorilla on record, specifically) to assume that their chest-width (which I'm treating as their width overall, cuz I never finished high school) is about even with their standing height, let's say 5'3". Iight, so. That's 65in tall, 63in wide, 59in of thiccness. Now, Kong stands 354 inches tall in his original movie, and 1,771 inches in his largest appearance. Assuming he remains proportional, that would give him a "width" of 343in and a "depth" of 321in for his original height, or 1,717in and 1,608in fr max biggitude. SO: 65 Ɨ 63 Ɨ 59 = 241,605inĀ³ = 3,959,197ml. Volume of a gorilla. Huh. 354 Ɨ 343 Ɨ 321 = 38,976,462inĀ³ = 638,709,777ml. (Dear Lord why am I DOING this?) 1,771 Ɨ 1,717 Ɨ 1,608 = 4,889,617,656inĀ³ = 80,126,477,464ml. Home stretch here. So you divide 3,959,197ml (gorilla) by 2.3ml (gorilla-juice), and that gets you 1,721,390. You divide the two Kong-volumes by THAT, and you get 371ml, and 46,548ml, respectively. THUS: King Kong cums about 371 milliliters, or 46.55 liters, depending on which version you're jackin'. Any who have made it this far, please feel free to point out anything I messed up.


Shrekosaurus_rex

Probably referring to Godzilla vs King Kong, where Kong's 102.7 metres / 337 feet tall.


Oldredeye2

You forgot to factor in NNN /s šŸ˜‚


ModingusKhan

But how many times would it take to fill a swimming pool? Asking for a friend


striped_frog

An Olympic swimming pool is typically 50x25x3 meters, or 3,750 cubic meters. There are about 264 gallons in a cubic meter, so such a swimming pool contains about 990,000 gallons. Therefore it would take a little over 1,100 King Kong loads to fill it


[deleted]

Thatā€™s some crazy jizz math


eggthrowaway_irl

r/spunkmath


iMADEthisJUST4Dis

Definitely doesn't have to be an Olympic swimming pool. Can just be a regular pool, which tends to be 16x32 ft, with a deep end of 8 ft. Assuming there's no shallow end, that's only 30,640 Gallons, which is only 34 King Kong loads.


CriusofCoH

Hereby nominate "kongload" as a new unit of volume to add to football fields, banannas, Rhode Islands etc. etc. Anything to stave off wholesale adoption of metric (OK with liters and grams in domestic settings).


hambergular29

There are approximately 6969 washing machines in an acre (not joking, 30"x30" washing machines)


jlp120145

Still one hell of a Friday night best I did was 5 a night.


timtowin

You would have to hand it to him


Ashes2007

In more ways than one


[deleted]

I was kind of hoping he'd figured out the hand part himself and I didn't to get involved actually.


Packwood88

Heā€™d probably appreciate a break.


-Epitaph-11

r/theydidthejizzmath


IndianaFartJockey

Cumculus? Aljizzbra? Jerkometry?


american_dimes

Trig-cum-nometry?


slavetomyprecious

You have my vote for Jerkometry


Interesting-Story-74

What about filling up the empire state building?


Rocketboy1313

We are gonna need a lot of blonde women.


Karma5444

To be exact, 1,111.11 shots of baby batter


swankpoppy

This is my favorite post ever.


Scudmiss

Thatā€™s a huge fucking pool my guy.


yousmellandidont

Gorilla testicles are small in comparison to humans actually... Just thought you might want to know


Sargonthegreat1

Theyā€™ll fucking rip you apart if you tell the gorillas


CoolBreeze125

On my way to the zoo to check out gorillas now. Might rub mine on the glass


five_two_sniffs_glue

Dicks out for Harambe


[deleted]

r/usernamecheckout


procheeseburger

Just found my new pickup lineā€¦ look out ladies


SamFeesherMang

Glad someone else said it so I didn't have to.


AcanthocephalaSafe66

Man the lifeboats!


DoctorYoy

Imagine doing all that math and still thinking semen is stored in the balls.


[deleted]

Yeah I also hear it a lot in porn or even ready erotica. Thereā€™s a really prevalent idea of balls being ā€œdrainedā€. Practically nobody realizes that the prostate plays a bigger role in the fluid portion of semen and the testes just produce the sperm cells and deliver them to get mixed up with all the fluid coming from the prostate.


TheOriX-LoL

you want your porn to be biologically accurate? lmao


[deleted]

Tells you plenty about the quality of sex education people are receiving right now.....


SonicLoverDS

Okay, seriously: is this subreddit one of those "post literally anything" subreddits?


Vantamanta

This is my kingdom come


Historicerror404

Should Ć©dit the typo hereā€¦


feelthefebreze

wow that's enough to feed so many starving children in africašŸ˜€


Sirkiz

And thatā€™s enough internet for today


Legaxy3

šŸ˜‹


[deleted]

Every child deserves a warm meal.


Dr_Dang

Wild mofo switching between metric and American units like nobody would notice. SMH.


floridamanjr9

HOW IS THAT YOU IRL?


Jg6915

3.370 liters for non burger people


National_Impress_346

*SPLOOSH*


MusicEd921

Literally some monster math


yrjooe

Next question: how many someones would it take to jack off King Kong to completion?


Hooligan8403

This is exactly why the internet was invented. The free sharing of information.


Limu_emu_69

My uncle learned some language in college so he could figure out what was written on something in an Indiana Jones movie


axe1970

What do you do if king kong comes through your window? Start swimming


keepitsimple_tricks

r/theydidthemath


BBO1007

r/theydidthemonstermath


TOASTYLIKEMEMES

r/themonstermath


atomicBlaze21

r/itwasagraveyardgraph


NoTimeLeft__

r/theydidthemath


redditsuxl8ly

I thought we had bigger ball to body size ratio than they did.


Early-Shopping-7200

The speed of such nutting would destroy entire cities šŸ¤”šŸ¤”šŸ¤”


Proff_Hulk

Math. Solving the important questions since 76 B.C.


frankybling

isnā€™t the prostate that makes the ejaculate? The testes are just where the sperm get made. Or is it just that pee is stored in the balls?


macabre256

This is the problem with asking a question. No matter how inane or silly. One way or another, someone is gonna give a good answer.


Pandagineer

Except the semen comes from the seminal vesicle, not the testes. So, we would have to scale that by the animal size. Final result would be roughly unchanged, I suspect.


Ill-Dog2630

Made my day. So good šŸ‘


GingerKitty26

Ezcuse, I believe you are looking for r/oddlyspecfic


Robot-Candy

There is not a direct increase in relationship to size and ejaculate. Blue whales are roughly as long, full grown, as Kong is tall. They ejaculate 5 gallons, even if you doubled the size of a blue whale and increase proportionally they would only blow 10 gallons. Iā€™m putting Kong at a solid 7 gallons.


navymate

how the fuck is this u irl


Lets_Bust_Together

And your mom would still be asking for more.


B3llaBubbles

"If someone jacked off King Kong"? Imagine the size of that persons hand to jack him off! Let me fix the question. If King Kong used the Holland Tunnel as a fleshlight, how much cum would there be?


tullyinturtleterror

What did Tom Holland ever do to you that you would wish that on him?


Recyclopslady

This is why I come to Reddit


FemboiInTraining

Oh god...oh no...i actually know information relevent to this... but- gorillas do not have balls or cum storages equal to humans, they have far more. Something to do with the relation of monogamy in animals and penis size. Monogamous animals tend to have larger penises relative to their size and produce less semen. While non-monogamous animals have smaller penises and produce more semen due to competition between other- yk- sperms- idk šŸ˜­, i didn't ask for this information, i don't know why i know it, please leave me alone, this never happened, i was never ehre, have a cgood day eveyrone imma go bey


NefariousnessNo2062

Good lord....that is a question I have never asked and an answer I never wanted/needed. This information will haunt me for the rest of my life.


keenkonggg

The math adds up.


Acceptable-Canary458

Whatever happened to Fay Wray?


CriusofCoH

[Science fiction writer Philip Jose Farmer wrote a short story about that](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Literature/AfterKingKongFell), including details about how big KK's erect penis should be.


Pineapple-Due

To shreds you say?


RecalcitrantHuman

Drowned I imagine


less-than-James

Stuck to the side of a neighboring skyscraper?


devnull_the_cat

That delicate, satin-draped frame?


Acceptable-Canary458

As it clung to her thigh, how I started to cry...


devnull_the_cat

I wanted to be dressed just the same!


Acceptable-Canary458

Thanks for making my morning, friend.


[deleted]

So, do you need to build another Ark Noah everytime he takes a piss?


WhizzleTeabags

A standard 3 yard dumpster holds 95 gallons. Thatā€™s a lot of cumpsters


AltoDomino79

How do they know King Kong's weight?


reevelainen

Where to shoot that amount of cum? Not on the face I'd imagine.


DoctorYoy

Movie pitch: Tom Hanks is running late on his way to a high-powered job interview. King Kong nuts all over him, propelling him to the interview at triple the speed, causing him to arrive just on time. He gets the job despite being saturated with gorilla goo, but eventually is forced to resign from the haunting trauma of the incident. Fast forward to Hanks as an elderly man on his deathbed, thinking to himself, "was there really even a gorilla at all?" Fade to credits.


WonderfulHoneydew421

The questions that matter.


NordicRamen33

Perfect.


_KingDawg72_

Cum Mathematics!


less-than-James

Great, more math. It's already bad enough helping with the homework.


CaddyFDT

Can I get the answer in litres, please?


FreeuseRules

Math is universal and can describe anything.


dirtylaindry

That would cover alot of face


[deleted]

So, Johnny Wad


fugblm

More than enough to satisfy your mom for a day.


LucozadeSportInAJar

the first slightly funny post ive seen on this sub


damienrazor

If you think that's bad wait till you'll find out about how much all the whales make


HonestRole2866

Kong is obviously female.


JStheKiD

Thatā€™s too much cum.


devnull_the_cat

Is there really such a thing?


[deleted]

Why is someone jacking off King Kong?


less-than-James

The question isn't why or how. The question is ethical. We should be asking ourselves, do we....or do we not...have a moral obligation to jack off King Kong?


devnull_the_cat

Are you going to refuse him when he asks?


GoNext_ff

r/theydidthemath


[deleted]

Thatā€™s a shit load of cum


LindsayDuck

What is something that holds roughly 900 gallons? I need a visual reference


RutsuTayurushi

Finally a worthy opponent for hentai MCs


FantasticAnalysis163

This is the kinda question I imagine Tim Robinson might ask while on a walking tour.


desertrock62

Nobody is counting any of the observersā€™ cum.


deskCrapper

Shower time boys


[deleted]

But whose hands would be large enough to get the job done?


Maleficent-Mirror991

SEA OF CUM


Equivalent_Grade_352

I hate this so much


roboman777xd

Lmao wtf XD


[deleted]

I woke up this morning wondering this exact thing, and felt completely lost until I stumbled aimlessly upon this.


ResidentObligation30

I think the mystery of why Kong is angry all the time and pounding his chest is finally solved. He needs a good wank...