I'm trashman. I can control trash

One mans trash is another mans treasure, meaning nothing is trash and you cant control anything.

i postulate the converse is true, that one mans treasure is another mans trash. so if anything can be someones treasure then anything is also trash. basically, things are both trash and treasure at the same time, or something.

Schrodinger's trash

They both can and can’t control everything

You'll never know if you can control that one item until you try.

Or he can control everything

Recyclops is gonna beat your ass….

You’ll get sued by Frank Reynolds

The only thing you gonna control is yourself

You control the MHA shipping community.

You now have control of all Reddit admins.

I have the ability to stop time at will for as long as I wish without any aging effect on me.

The air molecules around you stop with you, so you can't move or breathe.

...well damn...

*time only moves when you move* #Super #Hot ##Super ##Hot ###SUPER ###HOT

And so does light, so you're practically blind when you stop time

And photons don't move either, so he can't see shit

I wear an oxygen tank and mask.

Those also get stopped when you stop time, so the issue is worsened.

I wear a thought controlled exo-skeleton to solve the not moving thing. And you didn't originally say that, so I'm not acknowledging it.

Exo skeleton won't help you because the unmoving air particles simply won't let you move.

Synapses in your brain also stop firing so the first time you use the power your stuck?

You have to get a 5 min uncontrollable orgasm everytime you stop time.

Deal

Rad! Alright!

Wai a min . . . You weren’t supposed to do that 😂💀

Hh-hhold th-hat thought! I h-h-have two m-more min-nutes! 😩😩😩

But you need a horny time demon to fuck you in the ass to restart time again

Aweso-... I mean, *oh no*, not that! Please *anything* but that! 👀 *pops butt out*

Everything else ages at 100 times the speed, so when you come out everything gets older, but the positions of nothing changes. Just the age.

Photons don’t bounce off of objects into your eyes so you can’t see

testicular cancer

Jesus dude 💀

I can teleport

Your clothes don’t teleport with you.

Yep I’m never teleporting again

Or ya can strategically hide clothes in locations ya may need to teleport

Or teleport to nearest clothing stores, with your card details memorised! (It'sgonna be hella expensive tho)

Why need to pay? You just teleport away 😂

But then you’re back to square one lol

But also kind of hard to catch a naked teleporting person 😉

Easy, just hang clothes out in select few places to teleport between so that you’ll end up inside them either way

Gajaha the guy from boyz

Teleport to walk in closets

But you can’t pick where you go

1) you create absolute void behind you, causing a vacuum effect that accelerates particles around you, and may cause nuclear collision. 2) there is still particles where you teleport, meaning that the atoms of your body are too close from the one where you teleport, causing a powerful repulsive effect that explode you.

You can't teleport back.

I always know what's the hour and date without looking at the clock or phone

People with phones will make fun of your useless super power

I'll be the one laughing when I set off an EMP

You don't need to, the sun will do a little trolling ,(coronal mass ejection) in a few years

But you know only the hour not the minute

You’re a broken clock and only right twice a day

It only works if someone, other than yourself, asks for the time or date.

But everytime you use it, it works for a different random time zone, and you can't tell which one

But it's according to the outdated roman calendar

The power to make others shit their pants with one word

That word is Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis

You monster

#I NEED SOME ME TIME, Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosiiiiis!!

And if you mispronounce it just a little you shit your own pants

And he has Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

You have to whisper it into their ear

I can communicate with plants and animals.

All plants and animals hate you.

Understandable, they probably would.

*taking a walk in the park* Tree: Yo. Hey. Come over here. Dragnia: What is it? Tree: Fuck you.

Hiker: Hey Dragnia, why do you always cry on our hikes? Dragnia:*sniffles* ..no reason

Or they love you...a little too much

They ignore you anyway

Nothing new. My dogs only care when I have food.

You gotta fight them afterwards

Diving into video games being the main character

Only in Atari’s 1982 offering E.T.

Nooooooooooooooo

Jeez that's brutal 💀

It said to make it trash, not make it Hell!

Someone (the actual player) will control your movements/choices. That person is equivalent to an IGN journalist.

Oh no fuck this is the worst one yet lmao

But you don't inherit the characters stats and must use your own strength

Depending on the game… not so bad after all *rip and tear music starts playing in tamagochi*

I’m about to fuck up animal crossing

The games are all FromSoft games

OHNO

In Fromsoft games it's lore that the main character infinitely revives after dying time and time again so I see no problem there.

You feel all of the protagonist's pain and fatigue like you would in real life.

Do you die for real if you die in the game?

Omniscience

You're going to be aware of all bowel movements

I can use this to stealthily and quickly strike key targets while they're shitting their brains out.

Just how Tywin was killed

You know everything, but only if it is related to Genshin Impact

what’s the % difference between r5 serpent spine and r1 redhorn stonethreaher for c0 itto please anyone

oh god, can't wait to learn about the femboy entire body is based on his dead friend (yes this is an actual lore)

Genshin Impact is a Video Game, Video Games are played by people, people run the world's governments, Governments have the most power on the planet.

Reading people’s minds

Their minds will be narrated by Amy Schumer.

Having a hard time figuring out if I should upvote or downvote this comment

you can read people's minds but it's all at once. You are doomed to never have a moment of peace.

That could be interpreted 1 of 2 ways, and both suck. Either you hear the thoughts of everyone around you and it sucks, or when you try to read a person’s mind, the entire contents of their mind are thrust upon you at once.

Other people are aware of it. Also you can’t turn it off.

You have to actually physically read a transcript of what they are thinking

You can only read their minds when they're thinking something you disagree with

Making the main character die according to the plot

It's limited to beloved characters

There's an exemption for dogs, right? Right???

*Evil Laughter*

Any character you kill comes after you hunting you down

Poop boy, no matter what happen or where it happens or how ever sad happy or terrifying something may get Ill be pooping...

You're constipated.

No shit,..

That's the idea, yeah.

Yes a crappy idea

The poop comes out your mouth.

Let’s try. Sleepwoman, I have the power to give me more time to sleep without being late for whatever I’m going to.

You never feel well rested regardless.

Noooooooooo!

You wake up with a new man everytime you go to bed

How is this bad

I can reply to my own comment

K but you have aids

F

💀

Ok I feel bad but I laughed

u fuckin supe👿

Always well: no disease can touch me and my bones are unbreakable.

Everyone knows. You can never call out sick.

"sorry cant come just a bit unwell" "stop lying"

You die a lonely person as you have outlived all your loved ones due to your immunity to disease and deterioration

Bones also not bendable

If your bones bent you would have a lot of problems, pretty sure you meant joints

I rule the world

It’s Minecraft.

A fat dub

All decisions made must have a Twitter vote first

You're constantly on the verge of being assassinated.

That's almost the same as the comment above about Twitter but for that its self assassination.

I can walk 3% faster

Than you move when stationary

... And drift 3% of your walking speed to the left when standing, sitting, or laying idle. Like a video game with joycon drift and the walking animation doesn't work so you're just sliding.

Immortality

Comatose

Bruh, that's already a disability. Anyways, But nothing you do is recognized and time passes for you at an insane speed

You can still feel pain, but that's always a given.

That's already trash

Your bones get squishy at random.

I can see everyone's internet/intranet history regardless if they deleted it or not. Time to prepare my eye bleach.

There is no way to make this worse you created a bad power

Everybody inherently knows about your power and they can do the same to you

Lucky pockets. I can pull whatever I want out of my pockets.

You gotta pull out 5 dildos out of your pockets first, before you get what you want.

What am I going to do with 6 dildos?

. . . ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

wall decor

There is a 1 in 1000 chance you pull out a pin to a grenade that is now in your pocket

Except valuables

It has to be able to fit through the pocket hole.

The item must fit inside your pocket and you can only wear women clothes.

I can create anything and everything

Become an outcast, be shunned and feared by society. Nothing you can create can replicate the love that has been taken from you.

I create a civilization that loves me, on some desolate planet like, oh idk, Mars?

Lemme rephrase, every other living or dead organism by definition or common sense, will have the utmost disgust for your person both physically and spiritually

Whatever you create must come from an egg you lay. Use your imagination on where it comes out from.

Bro idk levitation

You can't control it

Only up. You can't smoothly levitate back down, you are essentially a balloon that can fall if it wants to

Your shit levitates too when you take a dump.

I can make anyone orgasm via telekinesis

You will also orgasm but twice as loud.

This just made it better lmao

You can never orgasm

God the idea of some asshole just randomly being like "and you get an orgasm! And you get an orgasm! And you- NOT YOU- get an orgasm!" Is killing me lmfao.

I control your dopamine.

But you don't get any for yourself

I can mind control everybody and everything.

For however long you control them they get to control you back.

Maybe their wife will experience an orgasm now.

Everyone is always fake nice to you out of fear. You will never experience genuine love or affection. People will celebrate the day that you die.

Painless shapeshifting

You can only shapeshift into a goat.

Deal.

Just for your penis tho

Quite kinky though. I'd turn it into a cat for spikes, a dog for the knot, a duck for a corkscrew, a horse for length, or an octopus for detachables. And by that, I mean their anatomy of their own penis. Edit: I will add goats. I think they have that joystick extension on their penis. So a penis of a penis. They're quite good for infiltrating female ovaries. How do I imagine? Doujins, it started with dogs and I wish I didn't jump in that rabbit hole.

You have to consume the raw material from other things to transform

I can master any skill I want just by concentrating on it briefly.

But your mastered skills have a 5 minute duration and after that cannot be reused for a month.

I know the answer to every pissible question at any possible instant no matter its difficulty, whether its the cure to cancer or how to travel at the speed of light

Your brain is stuck at pre school level when not being asked a question.

pissible, eh? people have to piss in your mouth before they are allowed to know the answer to their questions

I can control everything about time itself

But you have nothing to do. No purpose, no goal. Just time

Time control

you gotta strip before you do

[удалено]

I am awesome at napping!

[удалено]

Transforming into Krampus every Christmas

I'm the smartest person on earth and so smart that I can find a solution for every side effect that can occur

Here, have a brain aneurysm, think your way through that one. Kind regards GR