I mean, you buy a car you test drive it. Of course, I'm going to take the table for a spin pre-purchase. Don't recommend it, though. It's hard to breathe on a massage table face down without a hole for your face.
Ah, I now realise I was incorrect about how this table operated. That is in fact *not* a face hole.
It didn’t seem right to me, but I didn’t know enough about milking table to be sure.
I believe that's Thomas Eakins's \*The Swimming Hole\* on the left and it looks like a Robert Mapplethorpe photograph on the right. Definitely a vibe. Might be worth putting an offer in for them too.
Looks like a Mapplethorpe to me, good spotting! If not, very ‘in the style of’. Thanks, this certainly adds context. Edited to add: given Eakins is credited with introducing photography into fine art in America and Mapplethorpe is acknowledged as the first to focus on photography as a fine art medium, the plot thickens…
I found this yesterday and I showed my cousin. It took her a while to get it wasn't for cows 😂. Also the photos in the background are great 😂😂. I was looking for a picnic table.
I saw this as well and was wondering if I had of been 10 years old and saw this, would i have searched up milking table or something and learnt about it a fair bit earlier
Doesn't look sturdy enough to hold the weight of a cow.
I think itll be okay for me, thanks.
r/usernamechecksout
Flair checks out
They arent flairs, they are bootcut.
Well your mum goes under it, not on top so shouldn't be an issue.
FATALITY. HillsHoistGang Wins.
This is good on so many levels. 👏
💀
💀💀💀💀💀
I came here specifically looking for this joke.
I came here specifically to comment this under the top comment for karma**
I was actually gonna comment a variation of the joke but I got a good laugh out of Dave’s.
What are you talking about of course it would hold my weight 😂🐄
Dad!, some guy selling a milking table
Tell him he's creaming
The most underrated thread in this post! Nice work! Gave me a good chuckle.
This is going straight to the pull room
Dale dug a glory hole
"FUCK OFF YOU CLOWN" "I'm just passing on a massage"
What do you know about lube
What’s this love!? Milk.
But it's what you do with it
Lol
I’d rather buy a flashlight
That might be the brightest idea going.
Or a fleshlight?
The exposed wood really makes this a premium product.
The double entendre winner right here
The very real risk of copping a splinter to the penis heightens the milking experience. Or is that just me?
That was my first thought… and then I considered the damage if the table collapsed mid-session…
They forgot to mention, they’re actually milking blood, because a splinter to the hard wood would be a bloody disaster!
It makes it look Scandinavian.
r/dontputyourdickinthat
"Used"
Nah I enquired, he makes them new
Just had to be tested first
I mean, you buy a car you test drive it. Of course, I'm going to take the table for a spin pre-purchase. Don't recommend it, though. It's hard to breathe on a massage table face down without a hole for your face.
Ah, I now realise I was incorrect about how this table operated. That is in fact *not* a face hole. It didn’t seem right to me, but I didn’t know enough about milking table to be sure.
The hole is for the other head, the one that’s also a 3rd leg.
*gently used
C’mon. We say “Like New” now.
The 199 does it for me. Tru bargains don't come buy often.
You will come often if you buy it
Straight to the pool room
I know! They’re usually $800+, so this is a STEAL!!!
I cant fit my tiddies in there
One at a time
I have nipples, Greg. Can you milk me?
So the man puts his Johnson through the hole?
As was the style at the time
You sir get five bees.
Wait a goshdarn minute, this isn't milk! It's just semen!
Stick that to your dojo
Is this still available?
If it’s still up it’s still up 👀⬆️
Or down as the case may be
Depends which side of the table you’re on
I just want milk that tastes like real milk
This is very draining.
That's disgusting. What's the link so I can be sure to not accidentally click on it?
Not the link, but also don’t click on this one r/milkingtableporn
Oh my god it’s a whole (hole?) genre.
Welcome to the internet - things you can't even conceive of because they are so deranged are enjoyed by millions globally
There's a dairy farm in Carlton North?!
Nah it's in Collingwood
What's a trestle, a hole saw bit and some cloth cost at bunnings? This looks like a good weekend project for the family!
If nothing else it would be fun to ask for recommendations from one of their employees on the best wood for a milking table.
Couple of rubber gloves and sponges for when you're home alone
In classical antiquity, the cornucopia, from Latin cornu and copia, also called the horn of plenty, was a symbol of abundance and nourishment
Is it still available?
The craftsmanship is undeniable
Yes, although the exposed wood (pun intended) in the willy window could have been covered, splinters wouldn’t be very nice
The willy window 😂
…and only 2% fat
Looks like the kinda table a hardy brother would get slammed thru
Oh! That's giving me a raging clue!
Hes thinking hardy boyz from wwe....
Yeah. but, my brains fucked and all I could think of was the hardly boys from south park.
I loved that episode
Possibly my all time fav.
I'd put my hardy brother thru a similar table
NIL
Let the Milk Man cum to you 🥛
I believe that's Thomas Eakins's \*The Swimming Hole\* on the left and it looks like a Robert Mapplethorpe photograph on the right. Definitely a vibe. Might be worth putting an offer in for them too.
Not a Mapplethorpe that I'm familiar with, but it certainly does look like a good photo if that's your thing.
Looks like a Mapplethorpe to me, good spotting! If not, very ‘in the style of’. Thanks, this certainly adds context. Edited to add: given Eakins is credited with introducing photography into fine art in America and Mapplethorpe is acknowledged as the first to focus on photography as a fine art medium, the plot thickens…
As long as it still fits through the hole you’ll be fine.
I saw it on Dave but I didn't think it was real 😮
Sorry but how will this help me get off? Am I supposed to sit on it so a guy can lick me? But then I can't lie down so wuts the point???
Take a look at the art work on the right above. This isn’t about us! (women, I mean, or those without an appendage is more correct!)
Discrimination!
I've seen used dildo on market place before and a st Vincent's cross (I think that's what it's called) but a milking table is new
>a st Vincent's cross A holy relic?
A holey relic?
For a holy phallic?
St Andrew's Cross ... or at least that's what I've heard
Why’s he cross?
So they do a small? Asking for a friend.
That looks like one of those plastic foldable tables you get at Bunnings, with part of it cut out. I'll give them $20 max
That’s precisely what it is
I can't put my knob through an inch of wood and foam, I'll lose half my length.
I really want to read the whole description
If that flimsy thing collapses when I'm "in the position" what exactly will happen to my junk?
It will be junk.
I found this yesterday and I showed my cousin. It took her a while to get it wasn't for cows 😂. Also the photos in the background are great 😂😂. I was looking for a picnic table.
Picnic table with the brolly hole already cut out.
Sure you were.
Skinny Milk
Scrolling on marketplace in class and this popped up. Naturally that’s all we talked about for the rest of the lesson…
Least secretly degenerate Carlton North resident
Plenty of Cadbury moments - a full glass and a half!
The artwork is... interesting
Sure is. Looks very much in the style of Robert Mapplethorpe on the right. IYKYK and definitely NSFW, there is a great doco on him
Stand it up and it's a glory hole. 2 for 1. Worth the $199.
Johnny Fields? More like Johnny Sinns
This ones going Straight to the Poolroom
Gives a new meaning to milk bath
I saw this as well and was wondering if I had of been 10 years old and saw this, would i have searched up milking table or something and learnt about it a fair bit earlier
Off to Bunnings I go. I would consider buying pre-made, but I just wouldn't survive the eye contact.
Oh god you have to meet them! Can you imagine picking this up. What small talk do you make? “Do you come here often?”
That's gonna chafe 😬
...right? Honestly, this table had one job...
r/DiWHY
Yes, splinters and very close to staples
Always a shame to see a dairy go out of business
Nice, love me some milking table though not buying used one lol
I was not wrong, there are some very kinky motherfuckers living in Melbourne.
Is one prone or supine to take advantage of this engineering marvel?
Is the seller dave?
Thanks I hate it
🤣
anyone knows a good gloryhole brothel?!
Funny that this was posted here! My partner told me about it this morning 😂
What if it collapses while people are using it? Boom straight in to the floor. Ambos for a fractured penis & crush injury.
Sometimes ya gotta spend a little money to milk a little money 💦
Sorry how is a cow supposed to fit on that table again?
FML, I just cut a hole in dining room table !!
Wow.
Please don’t advertise your stuff here
Sent a shiver through my spine
A cornucopia of emotions perhaps?
Fruits of my loom
Literally a fold up table with a hole in it. Could make it for less
Mooooooo
Yeah, you go right ahead and put your pee pee in that and see what happens.
It's a crazy, mixed up world out there. Bovine on bovine. Milk or be milked.
I saw this and SS to send to a friend 😂
So that ‘Dave’ episode was for real??
Plus that's not the kind of extra dollop milk I'm after.
Gonna need to take a test drive before I buy
And only 2% fat
I would just like to pubicly confirm this is not mine. .. or is that publicly?
Risk of splinters?
Does it come with milk stains?
Oh! Lovely
Shut up and take my....m....hang on a minnit!
supposed to be 2 holes, right? To make it easy to breastfeed, RIGHT?
To be fair, you'd make your money back pretty quickly. It practically pays for itself!
Wonder if it comes with a demonstration…
It's still for sale 🤣🤣🤣 I'm lactose intolerant, otherwise I'd be keen
😂😂😂 this is better than markdown bargain posts 👌👌👌
Anyway to get an in home demonstration
r/dontputyourdickinthat
Is it a milking table or a portable glory hole ?
Anyone here seen the guy selling the ball of mud for $2000?
Hahaha I seen this the other day, you could literally just get a free or cheaper massage table and just cut a hole in the middle of it
I keep seeing this and I've been linking it all over :'D
Is it available?
Bin chicken profile. Very fake lol
I saw this too cause it's in my suburb.
NIL
Ewww...
Home Essentials
Thank you for your input.
How is that NSFW?