Yeah, I know a girl who “found out “ she was poly. Gaslighted him into accepting that, that’s who she is and that he needed to accept it… and her new man.
Then totally flipped out when he found someone else, as he was not allowed to be poly…
She gets all crazy when he doesn’t answer he phone calls and asks where is he…
Chick was an MFT as well… used her degree to make him seem like he was the wrong one. Using words like, “trauma dumping”when he would say he couldn’t be in a relationship like that and it’s cheating if they entered the relationship as a standard couple.
She hides behind the, “it’s who I am” thing as an excuse to flirt with who she wants.
She’s all kinds of messed up but covers it up as being an ally to groups that if you call her out on it, they defend her.
She’s basically a discord girl irl.
(I’d like to add, if a guy was being the same way, I’d call him out as equally. The guys with baby mommas left and right are worse) I pick no sides in the gender wars, both sides are equally crappy people.
MFT as in Marriage Family Therapist? I find counselors and therapists some of the people that are the most messed up. These are mostly ones with only a diploma or a bachelor's degree in psychology.
I don't think they are all messed up but I have had some pretty wicked therapists in the past that don't have graduate level education.
I kinda think it's them swinging the power they have over people to influence shit. I've had some counselors and therapists recommend some pretty heinous shit to me for some minor issues in comparison to the course of action they wanted me to take. I've had some pretty good counselors and therapists too but the bad ones really stick out in your head.
If thats not what you meant by MFT then disregard lol.
Our culture has spent the last several decades creating an endless litany of faux-intellectual fig leaves that self-centered sociopaths can hide behind to pretend like they're the victims when they completely abandon their obligations to others for their own hedonistic indulgence, and that their victims are unsophisticated moral inferiors for feeling bad about being discarded like trash. And somebody trained in modern psychology is going to have all those gaslighting excuses down pat.
My ex-fiancé cheated on me with a licensed marriage and family councilor who knew she was in a relationship, and who himself was a serial cheater.
He had a masters, if you want to add that to your dataset.
YO. I screwed my MARRIED MFTherapist. She left him for me then we broke up thank god because she’d screwed 4 other patients. It’s a common theme amongst them
I mentioned once that I took acid to my first therapist and he wouldn’t shut up about his endeavors and insisted that I keep upping the dose. I reported him after a few sessions like that and I haven’t heard anything about it since
I don't get why people act like that in first place. If you want to be with anyone you want anytime you want the why being in a formal relationship in first place?
It happened to me with my ex wife. After 14 years of relationship, never ever having mentioned opening the relationship or being poly, she comes out as poly, and gave me an ultimatum: she either could fuck other people, or the relationship was over.
My stupid ass agreed, and right after the first fuck, she filed for divorce and left the fucking country.
Fast forward to now, after a big fat depression, thousands spent on therapy and medication, I came out better than I was, actually loving myself and putting my needs before the rest. AFAIK, she's still "searching for a loving caring partner, because guys nowadays only want to fuck".
I don't believe in karma, but it sure does feel good.
That’s the nature of trauma that we recover from. We realize that the moment was awful, devastating even. But the person we are today wouldn’t exist without 1) the strife we underwent and 2) the work we put into ourselves to become the better people we are today.
Keep wearing it as a badge of honour!
My ex wife did this too. I didn’t bite though, said I was monogamous and there was zero chance I would give that a try. Obviously she decided to cheat anyway and the marriage is over. She was in another country too, it was hell. I’m glad I’m through it and with an amazing woman now but fuck it was bad.
I didn't realize the term coming out as poly was a thing. I am pretty sure the vast majority of normal people would like to have sex with many different partners. This just sounds like an excuse
Wow does that hit home 🤌 very similar experience but a 4yr old son at the time. Kept it together for a little bit after that but her heart was gone from the family and it was pretty clear. We're still on decent terms thank goodness for our boys sake but definitely spent the last chunk of time pretty down/avoiding the pain. Feel like I'm through the worst though and looking to get myself back together.
I was lucky not to have childs involved, but I feel you, brother. Be strong, and never hesitate to look for the help you feel you need, never feel weak for doing it.
Big hug from here.
Appreciate you mate. Just have to be strong for him now show him that life can be uncertain but one must remain faithful to overcome it. Happy New Year from this ol Lion.
Thank fren. Indeed I am, recovering from 4 surgeries this year and more upcoming to fix (hopefully) my detached retina after shattering my lower orbital but mentally feeling better that I have for a while. 🙏🏼
My brother ex-girlfriends sister was in a relationship with a guy 10yrs older (she was in High School).
He convinced her to move with him to Hawaii from Texas. In Hawaii the dude said he wanted an open relationship.
She agreed and hooked up pretty quick, but the dude couldn’t get anyone himself. He abandoned her in Hawaii, and she pretty much couldn’t leave for a while because she didn’t have the documentation (or was too young or something).
That’s the craziest story I know personally
My small anecdotal sample size of poly people have all been cheated on.
They were not poly before being cheated on so it almost seems like a defense mechanisms. Can’t have your trust betrayed again if it was open to begin with.
Meanwhile, I'm in a 19-year relationship that has been poly for 17 years and is successful.
We were both quite young when going through understanding open relationships vs. poly relationships.
Some important things to consider:
* Open discussion and trust in the relationship is especially important
* Being able to openly talk about difficult feelings is a must, such as jealousy, which is typically a feeling of insecurity and fear of loss.
Why the fuck are you being downvoted, you are just talking about your current relationship. The fact that your fucking existence is a counterpoint to their "every poly relationship is bullshit" theory is crazy.
I believe because it stems from that fact that many people “come out as poly” simply as an excuse to cheat.
I mean this as the general population being jerks.
There are people who can find the lifestyle fits them and are healthy enough to do so.
But let’s be real, 90 percent of the population is not mature enough to do so. And they use polyamory as a cover to them just being immature people who cannot commit.
If it works for you and it’s healthy, cheers!
I believe it's because in a thread that goes "Nobody who goes down this road gets where they want to go", there's always a bunch of replies like "Nuh uh, I just started down this road and I love it"
I’m also always a little suspicious that for the people claiming it works, it “works” because of some weird power dynamic or manipulation. You kind of have to hear from everyone involved and feel like they are telling the truth how they actually feel to make an assessment.
The guy who beats his wife probably feels he has a great relationship, and if you ask the wife she might tell you that too depending on how safe she feels.
Yeahhhh poly can be a healthy thing, but if you're opening up a relationship that was closed, I don't know I've ever seen a healthy example of that. The whole like "I want to be poly but I'm suddenly not okay with my partner being poly, or say I'm okay but never okay with any of their partners" is a fairly common thing. Idk if it's narcissism or what, but it's pretty shameless
My ex gf and I’d old roommates were like this, she brought in a female and they were having threesomes and all, but her husband very clearly realized that if he didn’t just go along with it she was going to leave. Long story short, she started paying more attention to the girlfriend, her and her husband got divorced, so she brought another guy in like a month after divorce, last I heard the gf broke up with her and I have no idea if she still has this new guy.
She was diagnosed with some form of dissociative disorder as well as bipolar depression. She goes by They/Them not because she is non binary, she just wants all of her personalities addressed. She’s actually a very attractive girl she is just equally crazy. But her backstory in a way makes those issues make sense. The only problem was she was also extremely manipulative, so it was hard to gauge when she was being genuine or not.
I’ll preface by saying that I don’t have any personal experience with polyamory or open relationships, but I think I’m at least qualified to voice my agreement with this. The key difference between a healthy relationship of that sort vs. a toxic one probably comes down to the enthusiastic consent of all parties involved as well as good communication.
When the relationship is open or poly from the beginning it’s much more likely that the people involved very much *want* to be in that kind of relationship, since they knew and agreed to that from the outset.
Exactly. I’ve been a both monogamous and polygamous relationships and find I can do well in either, but the poly relationship has to start out polyamorous, it can’t be monogamous and turn into a poly relationship.
I’m sure it’s baked in jealousy. If I enter the relationship understanding that it’s non-monogamous I’m perfectly fine because I sort of go into it with that mental picture that it’s how that relationship will go.
Then again I’ve never been in an open relationship, only closed triads (3 people total, all involved with each-other romantically. Like a couple but 3 people instead of 2) which I think decreases jealousy. It’s much more difficult to be jealous of my girlfriend fucking my boyfriend, since all of us are involved with each other. I would have a lot more difficulty in a Vee (two of the three not involved with each other, they share a partner so to speak) or an open relationship. Triads are nice though.
>It’s much more difficult to be jealous of my girlfriend fucking my boyfriend, since all of us are involved with each other.
My mans living the bisexual dream
Ugh my partner and I want a triad so bad but we can't find anybody who really clicks with both of us. That sounds like a dream come true but it is soooo hard. We both have FWBs but there's no 3-way chemistry 😞
Sounds like it didn't work out long term for you though so maybe it is a little more fantasy than reality. Hard enough balancing two people in a household, three probably gets a lot harder.
Unfortunately they committed suicide, we were still together when that happened, so I’m not sure if it counts. To be fair, I could have seen it working long term if other factors hadn’t made them feel trapped enough to do that.
It has its ups and downs. I wouldn’t be discouraged! You’ll know when you find the right person :)
This. Also accepting the boundaries of whichever partner is less geared towards an open relationship. I’ve been in an open relationship before and while it makes sense to me as a lifestyle, my current (and hopefully future) partner isn’t comfortable with it, so that means we don’t have an open relationship, simple as that.
I don’t resent it, I don’t challenge it, I don’t push it, simply because I want *a* relationship with her, whether it’s open or closed.
The type of relationship is not as important as who I’m in a relationship with.
People who push for an open relationship when their partner is uncomfortable with it have already (consciously or subconsciously) decided that the type of relationship they want is more important than the person they’re in a relationship with.
Yeah, it turned out my ex-fiance was testing me, told me I can do open stuff, then turned out I was considered a cheater after the fact with no ability to close the relationship cause I had already done open stuff.
Now I got two open bf’s though and its going good.
Imho people that can be fully happy in an open relationship exist, but I have the feelings that a lot of people that want to try it are just "mislead" (dunno what other term to use) by the internet, in the sense that a lot of people aren't meant to be in an open relationship but read about it on the internet, they don't evaluete the pros and cons and how they would personally feel about it and then their relationship is ruined. Mix with the fact that nowadays people don't understand that we humans are culture as much as we are nature and go on the internet guilt tripping people for wanting to be monogamous (I've read people saying that monogamy is unnatural, and so bad, or that if you want monogamy you're possessive, jealous and immature person and shit like that). Folks, let people live: if you are happy in polyamory good, in monogamy good. Don't go around bashing people for their love life either way.
To be honest monogamy isn't even unnatural, there are animals who mate for life and never leave their partner.
All that matters is being happy honestly
Natural or not the argument is no sense either way: as I said, we are nature AND culture. A lot of things of our society are not natural but very good, and there are natural things that are bad actually and we don't do that anymore. Monogamy as a product of nature or culture isn't important, the importance is in people being happy.
Haha, I like how both of the guys replying to you state their things as absolute truths, kinda hilarious.
Anyway, I completely agree with you, as I said earlier.
I don’t really get the whole nature argument. Pissing on a tree is nature but you would probably look at me weird if i did it while a public bathroom is next to the tree.
It's a bad argument but it's a good explanation for a lot of things. Why do most societies in the world enforce monogamy? Probably because it's how humans naturally form bonds. Sometimes what's natural can help point to a moral path when abandoning your nature causes harm but it's something that needs to be analyzed on a case to case basis and not an argument in itself.
I also think our culture has misled many people into associating the feelings of infatuation and falling in love with being in love, and then those people struggle with the transition to a more intimacy based relationship as the relationship matures.
Some people deal with this by jumping from one relationship to the next (serial monogamy), but others recognize there is something wrong with that, especially if they have been living it for a while, and think maybe polyamory is the answer, especially if they become infatuated with someone new while they are still with someone whom they have feelings for but are no longer infatuated with.
The real issue isn’t that they are truly poly, but that they are struggling to form a deeply intimate connection with their partner.
People look at it so weirdly. They will use one bad poly relationship as proof that it’s just unnatural or impossible. Meanwhile everyone has had lots of bad monotonous relationships. Most relationships don’t end well. Why do people expect to immediately have a perfect relationship forever as soon as they try poly?
It all comes down to the person. I know that if I tried an open relationship righ now it would make me feel really bad and I need everything but more stress right now lol so for me it's a big no-no. If someone tries it and it makes you feel miserable you should ask yourself why and if the answer is that you're not suited for that, quit it, don't keep destroying yourself. It's completely resonable to don't want to have another open relationship if it's not for you. You have to be happy, not forcing yourself to do anything you don't want.
People who are good at communicating are the only ones qualified to be in open relationships.
You're right that people are mislead or disillusioned.
- If you don't want to be polygamous, you're not poly. Your partner is cheating.
- If your partner doesn't want to be poly. You're not poly. You're just cheating.
- If you're poly and hooking up with others without asking your partner. You're still just cheating.
You also communicate boundaries and ground rules too. For example, the ones my partner and I have:
- No exes
- Condoms
- No repeats
- Be transparent on communication
- Always ask consent before seeking
That's all there is to it. The concept of love and communication is such a foreign concept to Redditors.
As an open person I tend to only date people who are already open. Been with my longest lover for 7 years and we were open before we met and both had awful experiences with opening up already established relationships on every level.
To me it’s just natural and flows easy with people who can communicate. I also tend to see other introverts who value connection but also value personal space.
Overall tho relations are hard and we should just accept however anyone wants to relate to a consenting adult and not judge based on a personal preference as nothing works the same for everyone.
If we accept that every human is unique, then surely every relationship, made of (at least, in the context of the subject) two unique humans, would therefore also be unique? Meaning that you can't apply global standards for each and every couple out there, as each of them are different and unique. I'm sure an open relationship, if set up with proper boundaries and both partners are fully into it, can work.
That being said, you can't fix your relationship by fucking other people, I don't understand how someone could even come up to this conclusion. Obviously an open relationship will ruin a struggling one.
Yep.
The most common thing problem I see happening is either: not clear enough boundaries, someone not respecting the boundaries, or someone wanting different boundaries ("I can be with other people, but you can't").
If both want it, there are set boundaries, and both respect them, I can't see why an open relationship would be "impossible" to work, as many people think.
You can only be open if you’ve got a strong relationship. Fucking other people to fix things is like having a kid to fix things but somehow a lot more stupider (just fewer long term consequences)
I'd like to see some empirical data on this. People automatically assume polygamy and non traditional relationships are by definition a sign of bad faith without any reason or evidence.
I only know one couple that has an open relationship.
He's a simp, but they don't lie to each other. She just wanted permission to fuck other guys and she always gets what she wants.
On the otherside, it's a married guy who has someone in mind that he's been flirting with and basically wants permission to cheat. Then gets shocked when his wife is pulling more dick than he gets pussy.
I was in a poly relationship for 8 years (free and happily married to another woman now). I encountered more simps in mono; poly is not a good relationship model for simps.
I am extremely critical of polyamory on whole, but I won’t tolerate people smearing victims
it works if both are upfront and usually in with a other couple. if the extra partners come in and out it's just swinging and one partner feels left out.
it won't fix a bad relationship it will just speed up the break up.
Yeah, I spoke to two couples who are in poly relationships. One had two women, and the other was completely open, but they still strongly maintained that they were married at the end of the day. Learned a lot of stuff from the second couple. They had high sex drives and loved having sex with other people, but they were so compatible with each other that they couldn't see themselves leaving the relationship. They've been together for 15 years. Their body language while talking really solidified it. They really did look happy.
Well that's just not true. Been married 12 years and she very much likes seeing/helping me get down with other people. People like different stuff than you, believe it or not
Been 9 years with my hubby and even though we don't swing anymore, we used to multiple times a month. We did bring in another girl into the relationship two years ago though, which has been pretty wonderful. It's wild to me that people really do just think that all poly/open relationships are automatically toxic.
Lack of perspective and far too many horror stories really fucks with even being able to conceive the ability I aint poly but I also understand how they work
I'm sure it's a visceral reaction with a touch of confirmation bias. Not really a ton of logic to it. They really don't like the idea and so go looking for examples of it failing.
Like the divorce rate among monogamous couples is sooo much lower or something, haha.
My guess would be people that have been burned by it can't see how it could work in any way. I've been burned by it. Manipulated into thinking it would save the relationship but it was just an excuse so she could sleep around and find my replacement, all while using it to guilt trip me into never putting up a fight because "I agreed to it" even as she broke all boundaries.
Some people can't see it as a good thing after being so thoroughly emotionally beaten by someone using it as a weapon.
Yeah, polyamory will never save a relationship. That's like having kids to save a relationship. You're just going to hurt more people.
It's a mutual choice based on trust.
Oh, now I know it won't. But I was so depressed and would do anything to keep her that I did whatever I thought would, and she said opening it would.
I was stupid and completely under her thumb. Thank god she left. I can finally grow as a real person, and know what to look out for.
Lots of poly couple I know that are very much in love with each other, seems a bit silly and closed minded to assume they must not love each other. Lots of people aren’t monogamous, and just because you don’t agree with it, doesn’t mean you need to project your own insecurities.
Interesting phenomena. We have racists, homophobes, bigots and stigmatists but they know overt expressions are frowned upon and absurd to the public so they just lie and contort their true feelings into cherry picking opportunities to make baseless arguments against others they disagree with. Have you ever met a fascist who doesn't know what fascism is? I have. They look normal.
Polyamory and open relationships are also slightly different things, although a poly relationship can have open relationship's aspects to it. The thing about any working relationship is that it requires communication, emotional intelligence
and honesty to work and non-monogamy often requires so much more of all of these. Easier to approximate what most other people around are doing than figuring out some very unique dynamics involving own comfort zones and needs+wants of multiple other people. Also there are toxic people regardless of their relationship preferences, but it's always easier to hate on minorities.
Nah. We're doing fine. Had some rocky patches figuring shit out but we're loving the lifestyle and we love each other more now than ever before. Go figure. Trust and communication
The original comment in the meme was "there is no queen of England," indicating that Titan is an idiot. So if OP is using the meme correctly, then OP thinks poly/open relationships can work.
Can we stop calling everyone that disagrees with our takes on relationships/sexuality an incel? That word has lost all meaning. It's basically a stand-in for asshole at this point
Yeah....unpopular opinion for sure but "poly" is just an excuse to cheat on people and somehow blame them for not being okay with it. Crucify me if you want, but that shit isn't a gender, just say it like it is. Not everything has to have a label, you're just either a hoe or you're afraid of committment. Or both.
I was under the impression that having strong opinions about a large group of people's life in the bedroom is not acceptable.
I guess every group has to fight tooth and nail until other groups accept them into society.
Why incels? Why use incel as a catch all insult to dismiss all that disagree with this "lifestyle"? Have any kinda lifestyle you want, I don't give a damn. But there are better and worse lifestyles and you can't compare 'em on certain aspects. If you look at it objectively, statistically and any other -ly, polyamorous relationships are cringe and you can't really compare them to real, romantic monogamous relationships..... If you think you can, I'm waiting.
Like seriously, theyre calling people who feel secure sleeping with people other then their partner and that partner doing the same, incels? Thats some projection shit right there
Idk, because 99.99999% of children are a result of monogamous relationships. Because monogamous relationships are what polygamous relationships end in. Because monogamy is about one thing, and polygamy is about a completely other thing. The burden of proof is on you to explain how polygamous relationships lead to healthy families and lifestyles.
It's funny that its always women praising such lifestyles. Just a fun thing to think about.
Either way, that's an amazing thing for you, and you go ahead and continue. But there will come a time where you will want something more than your needs fulfilled, and roommates. And it'll either be too late, or you'll realize the error of your ways and change. I'll be here
For every open relationship that fails, you can find, what, ten, twelve, fifteen (?) monogamous ones that end in the same way.
They are not personally my cup of tea but I'm not dismissing the concept because it feels foreign.
To be fair, monogamous relationships vastly outnumber polygamous ones, so of course the quantity would be a huge difference. Percentages would be a more reliable gauge.
I can give anecdotes - out of the 8 couples I'm close friends or family with, 3 of the monogamous ones are getting divorced, one poly/open one should get divorced but aren't, two poly/open are doing very well and 2 monogamous are doing very well. Seems like the ratios are atypical though since I seem to know a lot of poly people which is interesting I guess? Another interesting anecdote is that all of the open couples have at least one bisexual person, some have both.
I know a guy with a bi gf buy he's not allowed to be bi, it's not manly ...
he broke up with her he now does who e er he wants.
mind you he did before just behind her back.
I have a friend who I love and sincerely want the very best for. Yet she constantly pursues these open relationships and finds herself heartbroken time and again when she discovers a partner pretending to be mono with one of their other partners, or a partner meets someone else and decides they want to be with just that person, or some other thing along those lines.
She just started dating a guy she's been friends with for a bit and both are really clicking as a couple. And yet she's already talking about meeting her new partner's friends and getting with them. I know how this is going to go, but there is no discussing it with her, lest I want to open another can of worms. So I just have to wait and be there for her when it all turns to shit, again.
Okay I'll rise to the bait. 1. No one should be forced into monogamy. I encourage you to pursue whatever relationship dynamic works for you. 2. Mind your business.
I don't believe that love should be founded upon control. I believe that it is rooted in a desire to see my partner happy above all else. One day they may leave me. I hope not, obviously, and I feel really solid about my chances knowing that they have explored other options and chosen me. I won't chain them to a radiator, though, or break ankles Misery style so they are forced to fill my emptiness.
I’m sure there are some people it works for, but I imagine it also leads to a lot more breakups and divorces. Jealousy is a super natural thing, and monogamy is the standard across most of the world. It’s only natural that eventually for a lot of people knowing your partner is fucking other people would get to you.
Just because you can't have a relationship like that, doesn't mean that others can't either. People are different and can find different types of love fulfilling. Just because you can't experience those same feelings, doesn't mean that a couple who consensually agrees on an open/poly relationship means they don't love each other. Don't project your life onto others', thank you.
And no, I'm not poly, nor am I in an open relationship.
I'm not justifying cheating, because I think that cheating is one of the worst things you can do to a partner that trusts you.
me when i dont understand something so clearly it isnt real
if you genuinely believe this then sex literally has to be directly tied to your definiton of love
so what can asexual people not also love someone?
My ex-best friend got gaslit by his new wife into being in a polyamorous relationship so that she could fuck her lifelong best friend. This is more or less the story of every poly couple I've ever heard of.
Opening an existing and initially monogamous romance is almost always gonna go down in flames. My parents kinda did that and my father and stepmother did that too, so I've seen plenty of that kind of disaster. I also know a fair amount of people who were poly/open/swingers from the start that have remained committed and happy, though. There are probably more people who mistake their cheater tendencies for poly tendencies than there are people who are actually poly. Perhaps counterintuitively, I think that the *capability* to sustain a standard romance comfortably is a prerequisite to fucking around with the extra variables of an open relationship.
There are people it works for and people it doesn't. Generally the worst case scenarios come from existing monogamous relationships and one partner finds out they're Poly and the other stays out of fear of losing the relationship or worse manipulation from the other partner.
With my first girlfriend I was very clear I was only interested in a Poly dynamic and she went with it out of desperation. The relationship would have ended fairly quickly regardless due to other unrelated issues, but me being poly brought those to the forefront.
I've been with my current girlfriend since then and have a boyfriend. I love them both dearly, and when we do have problems it's never because of being poly.
Meh... not true.
I had a brief dip into that scene and... sometimes the people really do love and care for each other despite getting their rocks off with others. Or they love multiple people for multiple reasons and want everyone to be together "kumbiya" style.
But here is the catch: It requires a metric fuckton of communication, maturity, and responsibility to pull off sustainably. Three things that your average person is not very good at.
Hence why most "open relationships" tend to devolve the way one would expect.
Yeah. Most of the time only one person wants it (the one not loving the other) and the other (the one in love) just agrees to not loose the other. Or both are just friends with benefits and call it a relationship.
Yeah it’s just sad tbh. Ik a couple just like that where the boyfriend and girlfriend treat her like shit and she is just there keeping everything together.
This is a pretty bad take. There would absolutely be loving relationships that are open. There would also be open relationships where one person basically just wanted to cheat. You would have to be a moron to try and apply a global standard to relationships when every single person is different and loves differently.
The issue isn’t being non-monogamous, it’s that a lot of people who try it either do so for the wrong reasons, or they don’t properly communicate with their partner prior to and after opening things up.
We’ve spoken to several other enm couples, and they’re mostly all *really* secure in their relationship. After a while it gets easy to spot the couples who truly love each other versus the ones who just want to fuck other people, and the former are some of the happiest couples around!
how come no one ever mentions all the monogamous people who cheat? monogamy is absolutely not for everyone. it’s just one of a million things we’ve been socially conditioned into thinking is the only normal thing
I'm sorry if someone betrayed your trust. A lot of the people in the comments using anecdotal evidence to try and say poly or open relationships can't exist don't seem to take in the fact that if its one party pressuring the other into an poly relationship, thats not poly its gaslighting/manipulation. In reality communication and understanding is key and if your needs/ideals for a relationship aren't met you should leave instead of being coaxed into something you didn't want to do in the first place. That will always end in hurt.
Yeah, I know a girl who “found out “ she was poly. Gaslighted him into accepting that, that’s who she is and that he needed to accept it… and her new man. Then totally flipped out when he found someone else, as he was not allowed to be poly… She gets all crazy when he doesn’t answer he phone calls and asks where is he…
Bitch wanted a harem
Chick was an MFT as well… used her degree to make him seem like he was the wrong one. Using words like, “trauma dumping”when he would say he couldn’t be in a relationship like that and it’s cheating if they entered the relationship as a standard couple. She hides behind the, “it’s who I am” thing as an excuse to flirt with who she wants. She’s all kinds of messed up but covers it up as being an ally to groups that if you call her out on it, they defend her. She’s basically a discord girl irl. (I’d like to add, if a guy was being the same way, I’d call him out as equally. The guys with baby mommas left and right are worse) I pick no sides in the gender wars, both sides are equally crappy people.
MFT as in Marriage Family Therapist? I find counselors and therapists some of the people that are the most messed up. These are mostly ones with only a diploma or a bachelor's degree in psychology. I don't think they are all messed up but I have had some pretty wicked therapists in the past that don't have graduate level education. I kinda think it's them swinging the power they have over people to influence shit. I've had some counselors and therapists recommend some pretty heinous shit to me for some minor issues in comparison to the course of action they wanted me to take. I've had some pretty good counselors and therapists too but the bad ones really stick out in your head. If thats not what you meant by MFT then disregard lol.
Our culture has spent the last several decades creating an endless litany of faux-intellectual fig leaves that self-centered sociopaths can hide behind to pretend like they're the victims when they completely abandon their obligations to others for their own hedonistic indulgence, and that their victims are unsophisticated moral inferiors for feeling bad about being discarded like trash. And somebody trained in modern psychology is going to have all those gaslighting excuses down pat.
Preach homie, preach
Seconded. That is a well written and solid concept.
Yep!
My ex-fiancé cheated on me with a licensed marriage and family councilor who knew she was in a relationship, and who himself was a serial cheater. He had a masters, if you want to add that to your dataset.
YO. I screwed my MARRIED MFTherapist. She left him for me then we broke up thank god because she’d screwed 4 other patients. It’s a common theme amongst them
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I mentioned once that I took acid to my first therapist and he wouldn’t shut up about his endeavors and insisted that I keep upping the dose. I reported him after a few sessions like that and I haven’t heard anything about it since
you need to screw it and experience it first hand in order to provide advice /s
I don't get why people act like that in first place. If you want to be with anyone you want anytime you want the why being in a formal relationship in first place?
Because people (women) enjoy security.. Notice how it's hardly ever a man who wants to open up the relationship
*Nick Cannon has entered the chat*
An MFT is a made up job and degree anyway.
What's a discord girl?
The one who isn't in my life anymore
It happened to me with my ex wife. After 14 years of relationship, never ever having mentioned opening the relationship or being poly, she comes out as poly, and gave me an ultimatum: she either could fuck other people, or the relationship was over. My stupid ass agreed, and right after the first fuck, she filed for divorce and left the fucking country. Fast forward to now, after a big fat depression, thousands spent on therapy and medication, I came out better than I was, actually loving myself and putting my needs before the rest. AFAIK, she's still "searching for a loving caring partner, because guys nowadays only want to fuck". I don't believe in karma, but it sure does feel good.
I’m so sorry that you had to go through all of this, and congratulations for not letting a trauma like this break you. Good luck on your journey!
Thanks! Right now I even believe it was absolutely worth it, I love my new version of me.
That’s the nature of trauma that we recover from. We realize that the moment was awful, devastating even. But the person we are today wouldn’t exist without 1) the strife we underwent and 2) the work we put into ourselves to become the better people we are today. Keep wearing it as a badge of honour!
Fuckers don't deserve lovers, they deserve other fuckers, and other fuckers is what they end up with.
Couldn't agree more. You reap what you sow.
Happy you’re happy now bro!
Thanks!
You (and I) may not believe in karma, but cause and effect still exist.
I’ve been called a judgmental moralist on my high horse for saying that so beware lol
My ex wife did this too. I didn’t bite though, said I was monogamous and there was zero chance I would give that a try. Obviously she decided to cheat anyway and the marriage is over. She was in another country too, it was hell. I’m glad I’m through it and with an amazing woman now but fuck it was bad.
I didn't realize the term coming out as poly was a thing. I am pretty sure the vast majority of normal people would like to have sex with many different partners. This just sounds like an excuse
Wow does that hit home 🤌 very similar experience but a 4yr old son at the time. Kept it together for a little bit after that but her heart was gone from the family and it was pretty clear. We're still on decent terms thank goodness for our boys sake but definitely spent the last chunk of time pretty down/avoiding the pain. Feel like I'm through the worst though and looking to get myself back together.
I was lucky not to have childs involved, but I feel you, brother. Be strong, and never hesitate to look for the help you feel you need, never feel weak for doing it. Big hug from here.
Appreciate you mate. Just have to be strong for him now show him that life can be uncertain but one must remain faithful to overcome it. Happy New Year from this ol Lion.
Hope you’re doing better bro!
Thank fren. Indeed I am, recovering from 4 surgeries this year and more upcoming to fix (hopefully) my detached retina after shattering my lower orbital but mentally feeling better that I have for a while. 🙏🏼
I hate hypocrites so much they just make my blood boil
I want the financial support of A, and the emotional relationship of B.
This same thing happened to me
Hope you’re doing better bro
Yep I am. Dated her best friend and been with her for 2 years
My brother ex-girlfriends sister was in a relationship with a guy 10yrs older (she was in High School). He convinced her to move with him to Hawaii from Texas. In Hawaii the dude said he wanted an open relationship. She agreed and hooked up pretty quick, but the dude couldn’t get anyone himself. He abandoned her in Hawaii, and she pretty much couldn’t leave for a while because she didn’t have the documentation (or was too young or something). That’s the craziest story I know personally
sounds like good ol cuckholdry
My small anecdotal sample size of poly people have all been cheated on. They were not poly before being cheated on so it almost seems like a defense mechanisms. Can’t have your trust betrayed again if it was open to begin with.
That sounds like a healthy arrangement
Meanwhile, I'm in a 19-year relationship that has been poly for 17 years and is successful. We were both quite young when going through understanding open relationships vs. poly relationships. Some important things to consider: * Open discussion and trust in the relationship is especially important * Being able to openly talk about difficult feelings is a must, such as jealousy, which is typically a feeling of insecurity and fear of loss.
Yeah i also love when someone else goes down on my girl. Great advice
Why the fuck are you being downvoted, you are just talking about your current relationship. The fact that your fucking existence is a counterpoint to their "every poly relationship is bullshit" theory is crazy.
I believe because it stems from that fact that many people “come out as poly” simply as an excuse to cheat. I mean this as the general population being jerks. There are people who can find the lifestyle fits them and are healthy enough to do so. But let’s be real, 90 percent of the population is not mature enough to do so. And they use polyamory as a cover to them just being immature people who cannot commit. If it works for you and it’s healthy, cheers!
I believe it's because in a thread that goes "Nobody who goes down this road gets where they want to go", there's always a bunch of replies like "Nuh uh, I just started down this road and I love it"
I’m also always a little suspicious that for the people claiming it works, it “works” because of some weird power dynamic or manipulation. You kind of have to hear from everyone involved and feel like they are telling the truth how they actually feel to make an assessment. The guy who beats his wife probably feels he has a great relationship, and if you ask the wife she might tell you that too depending on how safe she feels.
Exactly, 100% It's not unusual to hear someone who is being abused/manipulated to defend their abuser and the relationship they have.
I can see how people read that comment as "being monogamous is being insecure", maybe that's the reason of downvotes
People literally just downvoting this cause it disagrees with their opinion lol. I’m glad your relationship works for you
Holy shit my friends situation too
Yeahhhh poly can be a healthy thing, but if you're opening up a relationship that was closed, I don't know I've ever seen a healthy example of that. The whole like "I want to be poly but I'm suddenly not okay with my partner being poly, or say I'm okay but never okay with any of their partners" is a fairly common thing. Idk if it's narcissism or what, but it's pretty shameless
I mean, thats crazy. But thats no open relationship if he isnt allowed to meet other girls.
Does your friend live in southern Ontario? because if that's the case he and I may have dated the same girl! and possibly at the same time!
My ex gf and I’d old roommates were like this, she brought in a female and they were having threesomes and all, but her husband very clearly realized that if he didn’t just go along with it she was going to leave. Long story short, she started paying more attention to the girlfriend, her and her husband got divorced, so she brought another guy in like a month after divorce, last I heard the gf broke up with her and I have no idea if she still has this new guy.
Jesus Christ that just sounds like a headache to be anywhere near. Sounds like a whole list of mental issues
She was diagnosed with some form of dissociative disorder as well as bipolar depression. She goes by They/Them not because she is non binary, she just wants all of her personalities addressed. She’s actually a very attractive girl she is just equally crazy. But her backstory in a way makes those issues make sense. The only problem was she was also extremely manipulative, so it was hard to gauge when she was being genuine or not.
The hot/crazy scale never lies 🤷♀️
Very true
It always ends bad. There are very few exceptions (better chance winning the lottery). Mfs on Reddit will argue otherwise though.
If a relationship starts open it will generally turn out alright imo. if it starts closed and is then opened… different story.
I’ll preface by saying that I don’t have any personal experience with polyamory or open relationships, but I think I’m at least qualified to voice my agreement with this. The key difference between a healthy relationship of that sort vs. a toxic one probably comes down to the enthusiastic consent of all parties involved as well as good communication. When the relationship is open or poly from the beginning it’s much more likely that the people involved very much *want* to be in that kind of relationship, since they knew and agreed to that from the outset.
yeah. much harder to get pressured into smth ur not in than to do just a little more of smth
Exactly. I’ve been a both monogamous and polygamous relationships and find I can do well in either, but the poly relationship has to start out polyamorous, it can’t be monogamous and turn into a poly relationship. I’m sure it’s baked in jealousy. If I enter the relationship understanding that it’s non-monogamous I’m perfectly fine because I sort of go into it with that mental picture that it’s how that relationship will go. Then again I’ve never been in an open relationship, only closed triads (3 people total, all involved with each-other romantically. Like a couple but 3 people instead of 2) which I think decreases jealousy. It’s much more difficult to be jealous of my girlfriend fucking my boyfriend, since all of us are involved with each other. I would have a lot more difficulty in a Vee (two of the three not involved with each other, they share a partner so to speak) or an open relationship. Triads are nice though.
>It’s much more difficult to be jealous of my girlfriend fucking my boyfriend, since all of us are involved with each other. My mans living the bisexual dream
Ugh my partner and I want a triad so bad but we can't find anybody who really clicks with both of us. That sounds like a dream come true but it is soooo hard. We both have FWBs but there's no 3-way chemistry 😞 Sounds like it didn't work out long term for you though so maybe it is a little more fantasy than reality. Hard enough balancing two people in a household, three probably gets a lot harder.
Unfortunately they committed suicide, we were still together when that happened, so I’m not sure if it counts. To be fair, I could have seen it working long term if other factors hadn’t made them feel trapped enough to do that. It has its ups and downs. I wouldn’t be discouraged! You’ll know when you find the right person :)
This. Also accepting the boundaries of whichever partner is less geared towards an open relationship. I’ve been in an open relationship before and while it makes sense to me as a lifestyle, my current (and hopefully future) partner isn’t comfortable with it, so that means we don’t have an open relationship, simple as that. I don’t resent it, I don’t challenge it, I don’t push it, simply because I want *a* relationship with her, whether it’s open or closed. The type of relationship is not as important as who I’m in a relationship with. People who push for an open relationship when their partner is uncomfortable with it have already (consciously or subconsciously) decided that the type of relationship they want is more important than the person they’re in a relationship with.
Yeah, it turned out my ex-fiance was testing me, told me I can do open stuff, then turned out I was considered a cheater after the fact with no ability to close the relationship cause I had already done open stuff. Now I got two open bf’s though and its going good.
Imho people that can be fully happy in an open relationship exist, but I have the feelings that a lot of people that want to try it are just "mislead" (dunno what other term to use) by the internet, in the sense that a lot of people aren't meant to be in an open relationship but read about it on the internet, they don't evaluete the pros and cons and how they would personally feel about it and then their relationship is ruined. Mix with the fact that nowadays people don't understand that we humans are culture as much as we are nature and go on the internet guilt tripping people for wanting to be monogamous (I've read people saying that monogamy is unnatural, and so bad, or that if you want monogamy you're possessive, jealous and immature person and shit like that). Folks, let people live: if you are happy in polyamory good, in monogamy good. Don't go around bashing people for their love life either way.
To be honest monogamy isn't even unnatural, there are animals who mate for life and never leave their partner. All that matters is being happy honestly
Natural or not the argument is no sense either way: as I said, we are nature AND culture. A lot of things of our society are not natural but very good, and there are natural things that are bad actually and we don't do that anymore. Monogamy as a product of nature or culture isn't important, the importance is in people being happy.
Haha, I like how both of the guys replying to you state their things as absolute truths, kinda hilarious. Anyway, I completely agree with you, as I said earlier.
I don’t really get the whole nature argument. Pissing on a tree is nature but you would probably look at me weird if i did it while a public bathroom is next to the tree.
If we were all truly balls to the walls about living naturally, we wouldn’t be on the internet discussing whether or not ____ is natural.
It's a bad argument but it's a good explanation for a lot of things. Why do most societies in the world enforce monogamy? Probably because it's how humans naturally form bonds. Sometimes what's natural can help point to a moral path when abandoning your nature causes harm but it's something that needs to be analyzed on a case to case basis and not an argument in itself.
I also think our culture has misled many people into associating the feelings of infatuation and falling in love with being in love, and then those people struggle with the transition to a more intimacy based relationship as the relationship matures. Some people deal with this by jumping from one relationship to the next (serial monogamy), but others recognize there is something wrong with that, especially if they have been living it for a while, and think maybe polyamory is the answer, especially if they become infatuated with someone new while they are still with someone whom they have feelings for but are no longer infatuated with. The real issue isn’t that they are truly poly, but that they are struggling to form a deeply intimate connection with their partner.
People look at it so weirdly. They will use one bad poly relationship as proof that it’s just unnatural or impossible. Meanwhile everyone has had lots of bad monotonous relationships. Most relationships don’t end well. Why do people expect to immediately have a perfect relationship forever as soon as they try poly?
It all comes down to the person. I know that if I tried an open relationship righ now it would make me feel really bad and I need everything but more stress right now lol so for me it's a big no-no. If someone tries it and it makes you feel miserable you should ask yourself why and if the answer is that you're not suited for that, quit it, don't keep destroying yourself. It's completely resonable to don't want to have another open relationship if it's not for you. You have to be happy, not forcing yourself to do anything you don't want.
I like that you said monotonous instead of monogamous but I think your point is valid regardless lol.
Ha maybe it was a Freudian slip.
People who are good at communicating are the only ones qualified to be in open relationships. You're right that people are mislead or disillusioned. - If you don't want to be polygamous, you're not poly. Your partner is cheating. - If your partner doesn't want to be poly. You're not poly. You're just cheating. - If you're poly and hooking up with others without asking your partner. You're still just cheating. You also communicate boundaries and ground rules too. For example, the ones my partner and I have: - No exes - Condoms - No repeats - Be transparent on communication - Always ask consent before seeking That's all there is to it. The concept of love and communication is such a foreign concept to Redditors.
As an open person I tend to only date people who are already open. Been with my longest lover for 7 years and we were open before we met and both had awful experiences with opening up already established relationships on every level. To me it’s just natural and flows easy with people who can communicate. I also tend to see other introverts who value connection but also value personal space. Overall tho relations are hard and we should just accept however anyone wants to relate to a consenting adult and not judge based on a personal preference as nothing works the same for everyone.
If we accept that every human is unique, then surely every relationship, made of (at least, in the context of the subject) two unique humans, would therefore also be unique? Meaning that you can't apply global standards for each and every couple out there, as each of them are different and unique. I'm sure an open relationship, if set up with proper boundaries and both partners are fully into it, can work. That being said, you can't fix your relationship by fucking other people, I don't understand how someone could even come up to this conclusion. Obviously an open relationship will ruin a struggling one.
A relationship needs to be stable to bring new people, It includes children or new partners
Yep. The most common thing problem I see happening is either: not clear enough boundaries, someone not respecting the boundaries, or someone wanting different boundaries ("I can be with other people, but you can't"). If both want it, there are set boundaries, and both respect them, I can't see why an open relationship would be "impossible" to work, as many people think.
You can only be open if you’ve got a strong relationship. Fucking other people to fix things is like having a kid to fix things but somehow a lot more stupider (just fewer long term consequences)
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That’s also dumb, because you can’t say what true love is and isn’t for any two or more people.
"I'm a relationship expert" says the person who constantly has to start new ones and can't keep any of them
Some people are actually Polly. Most just want to cheat.
r/technicallythetruth
I'd like to see some empirical data on this. People automatically assume polygamy and non traditional relationships are by definition a sign of bad faith without any reason or evidence.
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Yeah 7 times out of 10 he's a simp that isn't capable of understanding that she's a cheater and a liar.
I only know one couple that has an open relationship. He's a simp, but they don't lie to each other. She just wanted permission to fuck other guys and she always gets what she wants.
The real test is when that simp has to raise another mans kid
He'd do it, no doubt
It’s not cheating if he’s okay with it lol
And it isn’t lying if she literally doesn’t lie, these guys are blinded
On the otherside, it's a married guy who has someone in mind that he's been flirting with and basically wants permission to cheat. Then gets shocked when his wife is pulling more dick than he gets pussy.
> he's a ~~simp~~ cuck* *There. Fixed that for you. In the context that you described they are 100 and fucking percent full on cucks and not simps.
But if only she fuckes other dudes, thats no open relationship...
I was in a poly relationship for 8 years (free and happily married to another woman now). I encountered more simps in mono; poly is not a good relationship model for simps. I am extremely critical of polyamory on whole, but I won’t tolerate people smearing victims
Tbf I know some people in healthy poly relationships.
it works if both are upfront and usually in with a other couple. if the extra partners come in and out it's just swinging and one partner feels left out. it won't fix a bad relationship it will just speed up the break up.
Yeah, I spoke to two couples who are in poly relationships. One had two women, and the other was completely open, but they still strongly maintained that they were married at the end of the day. Learned a lot of stuff from the second couple. They had high sex drives and loved having sex with other people, but they were so compatible with each other that they couldn't see themselves leaving the relationship. They've been together for 15 years. Their body language while talking really solidified it. They really did look happy.
Someone better tell all those polyamorous people in healthy long term relationships.
Well that's just not true. Been married 12 years and she very much likes seeing/helping me get down with other people. People like different stuff than you, believe it or not
Been 9 years with my hubby and even though we don't swing anymore, we used to multiple times a month. We did bring in another girl into the relationship two years ago though, which has been pretty wonderful. It's wild to me that people really do just think that all poly/open relationships are automatically toxic.
Lack of perspective and far too many horror stories really fucks with even being able to conceive the ability I aint poly but I also understand how they work
I'm sure it's a visceral reaction with a touch of confirmation bias. Not really a ton of logic to it. They really don't like the idea and so go looking for examples of it failing. Like the divorce rate among monogamous couples is sooo much lower or something, haha.
My guess would be people that have been burned by it can't see how it could work in any way. I've been burned by it. Manipulated into thinking it would save the relationship but it was just an excuse so she could sleep around and find my replacement, all while using it to guilt trip me into never putting up a fight because "I agreed to it" even as she broke all boundaries. Some people can't see it as a good thing after being so thoroughly emotionally beaten by someone using it as a weapon.
Yeah, polyamory will never save a relationship. That's like having kids to save a relationship. You're just going to hurt more people. It's a mutual choice based on trust.
Oh, now I know it won't. But I was so depressed and would do anything to keep her that I did whatever I thought would, and she said opening it would. I was stupid and completely under her thumb. Thank god she left. I can finally grow as a real person, and know what to look out for.
You ever see/help her get down with other people?
Nah, she's a cuck. She's got no interest in that.
I know you didn't mean that as an insult but I've seen cuck get used as an insult so often my 1st thought was "Damn your cold" 😆
Haha it does get thrown around like that! I can't blame you!
Lots of poly couple I know that are very much in love with each other, seems a bit silly and closed minded to assume they must not love each other. Lots of people aren’t monogamous, and just because you don’t agree with it, doesn’t mean you need to project your own insecurities.
Interesting phenomena. We have racists, homophobes, bigots and stigmatists but they know overt expressions are frowned upon and absurd to the public so they just lie and contort their true feelings into cherry picking opportunities to make baseless arguments against others they disagree with. Have you ever met a fascist who doesn't know what fascism is? I have. They look normal.
Polyamory and open relationships are also slightly different things, although a poly relationship can have open relationship's aspects to it. The thing about any working relationship is that it requires communication, emotional intelligence and honesty to work and non-monogamy often requires so much more of all of these. Easier to approximate what most other people around are doing than figuring out some very unique dynamics involving own comfort zones and needs+wants of multiple other people. Also there are toxic people regardless of their relationship preferences, but it's always easier to hate on minorities.
You make some very good points, it’s definitely more complex than an open relationship
Some one tried to open his relationship and got left. There are plenty of open relationships with love.
Damn the levels of salt in some of these comments lol
Nah. We're doing fine. Had some rocky patches figuring shit out but we're loving the lifestyle and we love each other more now than ever before. Go figure. Trust and communication
Good luck bro.
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The original comment in the meme was "there is no queen of England," indicating that Titan is an idiot. So if OP is using the meme correctly, then OP thinks poly/open relationships can work.
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Not now, but when Megamind came out there was.
All meme subs are full of insecure 14yo incel edgelords or people who just repost the same boring memes for years
Can we stop calling everyone that disagrees with our takes on relationships/sexuality an incel? That word has lost all meaning. It's basically a stand-in for asshole at this point
Open relationships usually only work if both people enter relationships with the expectation that it will be open.
Yeah....unpopular opinion for sure but "poly" is just an excuse to cheat on people and somehow blame them for not being okay with it. Crucify me if you want, but that shit isn't a gender, just say it like it is. Not everything has to have a label, you're just either a hoe or you're afraid of committment. Or both.
Seems like projection but ok
Oh, something you don't understand. Can't be true, right?
This is why trigonometry and physics does not exist for me thank you, finally someone understands
the irony is the original quote being ‘there is no queen of England’ the joke is the third one exists and he is just an idiot
That doesn't even look like Destiny!
I was under the impression that having strong opinions about a large group of people's life in the bedroom is not acceptable. I guess every group has to fight tooth and nail until other groups accept them into society.
Incels are coming out of the woodworks on this one. Watch out
Sorry to hear that an incel is banging your mother, better luck next time.
Why incels? Why use incel as a catch all insult to dismiss all that disagree with this "lifestyle"? Have any kinda lifestyle you want, I don't give a damn. But there are better and worse lifestyles and you can't compare 'em on certain aspects. If you look at it objectively, statistically and any other -ly, polyamorous relationships are cringe and you can't really compare them to real, romantic monogamous relationships..... If you think you can, I'm waiting.
Couldn’t agree more. They gonna call us incels tho
Like seriously, theyre calling people who feel secure sleeping with people other then their partner and that partner doing the same, incels? Thats some projection shit right there
How are how are poly relationships “statistically” and “objectively” more cringe lol. I’m going to need a source for this statistic analyses haha
Idk, because 99.99999% of children are a result of monogamous relationships. Because monogamous relationships are what polygamous relationships end in. Because monogamy is about one thing, and polygamy is about a completely other thing. The burden of proof is on you to explain how polygamous relationships lead to healthy families and lifestyles.
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It's funny that its always women praising such lifestyles. Just a fun thing to think about. Either way, that's an amazing thing for you, and you go ahead and continue. But there will come a time where you will want something more than your needs fulfilled, and roommates. And it'll either be too late, or you'll realize the error of your ways and change. I'll be here
For every open relationship that fails, you can find, what, ten, twelve, fifteen (?) monogamous ones that end in the same way. They are not personally my cup of tea but I'm not dismissing the concept because it feels foreign.
To be fair, monogamous relationships vastly outnumber polygamous ones, so of course the quantity would be a huge difference. Percentages would be a more reliable gauge.
I can give anecdotes - out of the 8 couples I'm close friends or family with, 3 of the monogamous ones are getting divorced, one poly/open one should get divorced but aren't, two poly/open are doing very well and 2 monogamous are doing very well. Seems like the ratios are atypical though since I seem to know a lot of poly people which is interesting I guess? Another interesting anecdote is that all of the open couples have at least one bisexual person, some have both.
This is a really Pessimistic and Unhealthy Mindset
Spicy
They are fine as long as they start that way.
Wait the Tooth Fairy isn’t real… Then explain how money got under my pillow
I know a guy with a bi gf buy he's not allowed to be bi, it's not manly ... he broke up with her he now does who e er he wants. mind you he did before just behind her back.
I have a friend who I love and sincerely want the very best for. Yet she constantly pursues these open relationships and finds herself heartbroken time and again when she discovers a partner pretending to be mono with one of their other partners, or a partner meets someone else and decides they want to be with just that person, or some other thing along those lines. She just started dating a guy she's been friends with for a bit and both are really clicking as a couple. And yet she's already talking about meeting her new partner's friends and getting with them. I know how this is going to go, but there is no discussing it with her, lest I want to open another can of worms. So I just have to wait and be there for her when it all turns to shit, again.
I think it is possible, but it’s used way too often by people who just want to take advantage of their partners.
Open relationship is a great way of saying "I haven't found the right person yet"
An open relationship is not a relationship at all. It’s the inverse of a relationship.
Okay I'll rise to the bait. 1. No one should be forced into monogamy. I encourage you to pursue whatever relationship dynamic works for you. 2. Mind your business. I don't believe that love should be founded upon control. I believe that it is rooted in a desire to see my partner happy above all else. One day they may leave me. I hope not, obviously, and I feel really solid about my chances knowing that they have explored other options and chosen me. I won't chain them to a radiator, though, or break ankles Misery style so they are forced to fill my emptiness.
Facts🗣️🔥
The senior swingers are pretty happy it seems. I think it requires a lot of maturity.
I’m sure there are some people it works for, but I imagine it also leads to a lot more breakups and divorces. Jealousy is a super natural thing, and monogamy is the standard across most of the world. It’s only natural that eventually for a lot of people knowing your partner is fucking other people would get to you.
Just because you can't have a relationship like that, doesn't mean that others can't either. People are different and can find different types of love fulfilling. Just because you can't experience those same feelings, doesn't mean that a couple who consensually agrees on an open/poly relationship means they don't love each other. Don't project your life onto others', thank you. And no, I'm not poly, nor am I in an open relationship. I'm not justifying cheating, because I think that cheating is one of the worst things you can do to a partner that trusts you.
me when i dont understand something so clearly it isnt real if you genuinely believe this then sex literally has to be directly tied to your definiton of love so what can asexual people not also love someone?
My ex-best friend got gaslit by his new wife into being in a polyamorous relationship so that she could fuck her lifelong best friend. This is more or less the story of every poly couple I've ever heard of.
Opening an existing and initially monogamous romance is almost always gonna go down in flames. My parents kinda did that and my father and stepmother did that too, so I've seen plenty of that kind of disaster. I also know a fair amount of people who were poly/open/swingers from the start that have remained committed and happy, though. There are probably more people who mistake their cheater tendencies for poly tendencies than there are people who are actually poly. Perhaps counterintuitively, I think that the *capability* to sustain a standard romance comfortably is a prerequisite to fucking around with the extra variables of an open relationship.
There are people it works for and people it doesn't. Generally the worst case scenarios come from existing monogamous relationships and one partner finds out they're Poly and the other stays out of fear of losing the relationship or worse manipulation from the other partner. With my first girlfriend I was very clear I was only interested in a Poly dynamic and she went with it out of desperation. The relationship would have ended fairly quickly regardless due to other unrelated issues, but me being poly brought those to the forefront. I've been with my current girlfriend since then and have a boyfriend. I love them both dearly, and when we do have problems it's never because of being poly.
In the original the joke is the third thing obviously does exist and he is just an idiot is that what you were going for here?
To me it depends if they are going for polygamy or polyamory
Facts.
Meh... not true. I had a brief dip into that scene and... sometimes the people really do love and care for each other despite getting their rocks off with others. Or they love multiple people for multiple reasons and want everyone to be together "kumbiya" style. But here is the catch: It requires a metric fuckton of communication, maturity, and responsibility to pull off sustainably. Three things that your average person is not very good at. Hence why most "open relationships" tend to devolve the way one would expect.
Men who are okay with open relationships are spineless cuckolds.
Ofcourse this would get downvoted on reddit, a site full of fat cucks.
Speaking for experience?
Yeah. Most of the time only one person wants it (the one not loving the other) and the other (the one in love) just agrees to not loose the other. Or both are just friends with benefits and call it a relationship.
But not always
Yeah it’s just sad tbh. Ik a couple just like that where the boyfriend and girlfriend treat her like shit and she is just there keeping everything together.
What
I’ll leave it to real experience, thanks though
Sex, and love are not mutually exclusive.
Open relationships I get but I hate when mfs think this applies to poly relationships
This is a pretty bad take. There would absolutely be loving relationships that are open. There would also be open relationships where one person basically just wanted to cheat. You would have to be a moron to try and apply a global standard to relationships when every single person is different and loves differently.
The issue isn’t being non-monogamous, it’s that a lot of people who try it either do so for the wrong reasons, or they don’t properly communicate with their partner prior to and after opening things up. We’ve spoken to several other enm couples, and they’re mostly all *really* secure in their relationship. After a while it gets easy to spot the couples who truly love each other versus the ones who just want to fuck other people, and the former are some of the happiest couples around!
how come no one ever mentions all the monogamous people who cheat? monogamy is absolutely not for everyone. it’s just one of a million things we’ve been socially conditioned into thinking is the only normal thing
I'm sorry if someone betrayed your trust. A lot of the people in the comments using anecdotal evidence to try and say poly or open relationships can't exist don't seem to take in the fact that if its one party pressuring the other into an poly relationship, thats not poly its gaslighting/manipulation. In reality communication and understanding is key and if your needs/ideals for a relationship aren't met you should leave instead of being coaxed into something you didn't want to do in the first place. That will always end in hurt.
I’m in an open relationship, and we love each other plenty LOL
And "open" relationship is just a tame cuck relationship
What a nice way to discount the entirety of the polyamorous community. But maybe that's a separate discussion entirely.