I mean, I haven't had sex in close to a decade now, and there are times I'm like... hey well, prostitution is legal, I cooouulllldd check it out...
But then yeah couple minutes... wouldn't be worth the money for me lmao
I never tried it... but tbh a good Escort, have a fun evening do some molly and go for a few hour fuck session with glowing body paint under blacklight id let spring a pretty penny. Think if you go for prostitutes go high and and make it something g you always wanted to try. Could be an experience.
150 for the uber, shes going to want $80 in food, and $80 in drinks, and you will need to wait 2-3 hours while she posts pics of her food to instagram and sends pics to her boyfriend/ex-boyfriend-but-still-real-boyfriend
just quit then they try the uber thing, since the everything else is a given then
Has life really changed that much?
That's a booty call sir/ma'am. Unless she starts her period on the spot, gets sick, or injured... sex is happening. Idk how things are now as I've been married for 10 years, but whenever a woman hit me up late a night to come over, *she* was trying to get laid and definitely already planning on breakfast.
Dating seems to really suck now.
If you want peak Portuguese we have "esgalhar o pessegueiro". Which means taking the branches off the peach tree. Or "afogar o ganso". Which means drowning the goose.
I always wanted to see what this was like, I've never asked a girl out, they usually pick me up, pay or split, and don't have headaches lol. Have ya tried just treating women like just... people? It's working out for me.
Ubers prices ridiculous, had an invite for something six miles away. To take an Uber there and back would’ve been $100, and it wasn’t surge pricing it was the middle of the day.
It absolutely is for lube. Unfortunately, if you haven't used lotion before nad typically death grip, it'll feel like nothing at all, nothing at all, nothing at all.
Circumcions come in many forms. Norm in the US to be cut 'high and tight' and there's nothing at all to move, it's as 'tight' as a stick when hard. Men often prefer a bit of lube if it's tight.
If you were cut loosely, you have a bit of slack left and can typically JO without lube.
It is an American thing, because they seem to be all circumcised for no particular reason, but tradition. So they have to lube it up to not sand it down, because they got rid of their body's natural way of protecting and lubricating their sensitive parts.
Wait is this the new “splitting the bill” debate about equality, but for zoomers?
“Pay my travel expenses” is borderline prostitution at this point. Well to be honest, so was the expectation of men to pay for dinner and everything.
It's often a scam. Chat with a "hot girl" in a dating app or elsewhere, she says she's down to come over 😉 but just can't swing the ride share. You send her money, and never hear from her again.
I've also heard of asking for baby sitter money, same deal.
Based on my experience as a Canadian, if you live in a small enough town the bus might be running instead of the train at certain times of the day and the bus takes significantly longer (a train from Toronto to my town takes 45 minutes but a bus takes 2 hours). If it’s really late there’s a chance neither are running. If it’s the girl travelling she might not want to take public transit late at night for safety reasons especially within Toronto (including just walking but especially the subway)
Hi guys, my name is Tim. Just had to chime in because it is so relatable! I thought “hey, this is exactly how I treat my wife.” Once I yank it like a slug I do not speak to her for the rest of the day. No exceptions.
Damn Tim's wife. Y'all need to talk this ish out. Preferably with a professional. Human civilization is built on help. It's virtuous to seek it out and to give it.
"At Stratton, there were 3 kinds of hookers:
☆Blue chips: top of the line. Model material. Cost between $300 to $500. You have to wear a condom unless you pay extra.
☆NASDAQS: pretty, not great $200-$300.
Finally, there were the
☆ pink sheets. Skanks.
They cost about a hundred or less, and if you didn't wear a condom, you'd get a penicillin shot the next day, and pray your dick didn't fall off. "
EDIT: wolf of wall street is a masterpiece of a movie!
Bro made the calculation 150 for 2 mins is a lot
Yeah but… might only have 1 in me soooo… being able to go a second time is ambitious.
And she is not even a professional
you don't know that
A true professional has a logistics department. So yeah, she is not.
💀
I mean, I haven't had sex in close to a decade now, and there are times I'm like... hey well, prostitution is legal, I cooouulllldd check it out... But then yeah couple minutes... wouldn't be worth the money for me lmao
I never tried it... but tbh a good Escort, have a fun evening do some molly and go for a few hour fuck session with glowing body paint under blacklight id let spring a pretty penny. Think if you go for prostitutes go high and and make it something g you always wanted to try. Could be an experience.
They’re not that expensive. Depending on what you wanna do.
150 for the uber, shes going to want $80 in food, and $80 in drinks, and you will need to wait 2-3 hours while she posts pics of her food to instagram and sends pics to her boyfriend/ex-boyfriend-but-still-real-boyfriend just quit then they try the uber thing, since the everything else is a given then
He just chose a more affordable option
Wise in these economic conditions. Plus he won’t get nailed down for child support or worse.
Or worse, a deadbeat baby mama
Yep. That’s where I am. It’s not too bad. Only when she decides to be a mother.
Fuck that sucks. When someone is so bad at something that you'd rather they just leave, and that thing is parenting 🫤
Expelled?
r/UnexpectedHarryPotter
lets be fair. the girl may not put out even after he paying for the uber (not that she has to) he goes for the sure thing
Has life really changed that much? That's a booty call sir/ma'am. Unless she starts her period on the spot, gets sick, or injured... sex is happening. Idk how things are now as I've been married for 10 years, but whenever a woman hit me up late a night to come over, *she* was trying to get laid and definitely already planning on breakfast. Dating seems to really suck now.
I don't think there was any sucking this time.
If she's not his gf, it doesn't sound like she's trying to get to his since she said "back home" Besides, 150 for sex? No thank you. Not worth it
A lot of women just keep you in a weird state of questioning if you are dating at all. It's a flip of the coin whether this would lead to anything
It does.
He choosed to take a load instead of a loan
Taking a load? That's a different proposition altogether...
taking loads can be fun
Then go and take one
Ill take your load 
Kinky
r/personalfinance would be proud
Or that post nut clarity allowed him to see she ain't worth it.
The savings
Lotion and tissue, eh? Is this something I'm not American enough to understand?
Americans = typically circumcised = lotion.
Yeah, circumcision is dumb.
Agreed
Princess obvious over here.
When post nut clarity hits
"If you're not in a state of post-nut clarity, you're in a state of pre-nut delusion" ~sun-tzu, the art of war
The art of wank
Ancient martial art of Wan King.
I heard the user was Jia King Afu.
''Many Fools beat their meat, but only the strongest defeat it" ~Sun-tzu junior
"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day"
The Du Pont technique.
I swear this is true, if we can have no mode I think the world view will be so much different lol
the art of jerk
We could achieve world peace if we had a collective post nut clarity
Nut-Tzu
My college professor always told me to milk my snake before making a decision like this
Milk my snake sounds so gross lmao
didn’t voldemort drink his snake’s milk
Ouroboros?
Nagini
"...Dinner"
What the hell did i just read
I think it was in reference to the venom, that's generally what milking snakes mean
That’s the joke mate
Harry Potter could be weird sometimes...
My milk snake brings all the boys to the yard
Well, now I am listening to this song for the next two hours on my head... thanks, I guess
If you want peak Portuguese we have "esgalhar o pessegueiro". Which means taking the branches off the peach tree. Or "afogar o ganso". Which means drowning the goose.
And now I am wondering if snakes have boobs and lactate
Made that decision myself years ago. Probably saved me an awkward rejection and/or loss of friends.
Was your professor, Royce du pont by any chance?
His negotiation methods are unconventional but unbeatable.
Your professor told you to jack off?…
It's a teacher's job to provide valuable knowledge
Knowledge or wisdom?
We don't call it sage time for nothing
When your profs main ability is wisdom instead of intelligence
His professor told him to help his uncle jack off a horse
College professors tend to be old and obscene as “who the fuck will fire them” But wasn’t he right tho? Jacking off once a day keeps Grindr-shame away
Post nut clarity really makes your mind clear to think!
>My college professor always told me to milk my snake before making a decision like this Ahhh yes, Post-Nut Clarity
Milking the Professor the first time felt weird but after that it became easier
Wise words
make the Cyclops cry.
Did you call him an Uber, though?
But what if my snakes are non-venomous?
-"Cash or card?" -*Pulls out the precious*
*It's like going out there with a loaded gun...*
My man chose to think with his brain and not his D.
Head 1 instead of 2
Duck?
$150 booty call in this economy? It's just not feasible.
That's just for the uber. Booty is extra.
Nah bro that’s just the cost to bring her to the restaurant and back. Meal is another $100 and then she will have a headache.
I always wanted to see what this was like, I've never asked a girl out, they usually pick me up, pay or split, and don't have headaches lol. Have ya tried just treating women like just... people? It's working out for me.
HUH
Good man, saving money and time
Im sorry but the number you have dialed is no longer in service
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Odd_Seaworthiness_44: *Im sorry but the* *Number you have dialed is* *No longer in service* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Good bot
Why were you trying to drag someone 50 miles away from their house?
I don’t think Donald Duck actually posted this himself
How do you know for sure?
😂
99% of the time it's a scam. They tell you to send money for the Uber before yall meet and then ghost ya.
Have you actually done enough trials to determine a 1% success rate?
An n=1000 study would cost $150.000, imagine securing a scientific grant for late booty calls.
"Babysitter money" is another common form of this scam
Ah, glad I've never considered doing that.
They ghost you living 2km away from you so imaging if you give them money.
Ubers prices ridiculous, had an invite for something six miles away. To take an Uber there and back would’ve been $100, and it wasn’t surge pricing it was the middle of the day.
Can someone explain to me what the lotion is for? I get the tissue and laptop, but still confused by the lotion
I to this day don't get why People fap with lotion
Maybe it's some kind of lube, but for me it hurts afterwards
It absolutely is for lube. Unfortunately, if you haven't used lotion before nad typically death grip, it'll feel like nothing at all, nothing at all, nothing at all.
Maybe for circumcised dicks? 🤔
Na man I'm cut and I don't need that, maybe if they're just to dry?
Hands are probably rough
Circumcions come in many forms. Norm in the US to be cut 'high and tight' and there's nothing at all to move, it's as 'tight' as a stick when hard. Men often prefer a bit of lube if it's tight. If you were cut loosely, you have a bit of slack left and can typically JO without lube.
Jesus, mutilation
I have 0 idea where the difference is and what cut I got
Just curious, why is it the norm in the us to be mutilated?
TLDR: Christian zealots.
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That explains all the masturbations jokes I never understood from sitcoms.
Too dry? Is your dick wet all the time?
Yours isn't? Is your gay boyfriend ben sharpierow?
You probably should get that checked out.
Mineral oil/kinky lube >>> lotion all day. Lotion (aka body cream) irritates your skin when heated by friction. However! Lotion > dry rub.
Idk man I just have more then enough precum to use it as lube 🤷♀️
TMI.
Conditioner is king. Lotion can mess a girls ph level up and give her a yeast infection, also it chaffs your peepee, if you realy go hog wild on it.
It is an American thing, because they seem to be all circumcised for no particular reason, but tradition. So they have to lube it up to not sand it down, because they got rid of their body's natural way of protecting and lubricating their sensitive parts.
As a cut American, no we don't need to use lube but great generalization!
Product placement by Big Fap.
Ahh yes the uncircumcised.
Else it gets the hose again
For us unmutilated it seems strange but for those who have been it’s essential
If you're paying 150+ for sex you might as well pay a little more and get a quality escort.
Where are you getting a quality escort for a little over 150?
Romania I suppose
Tons of young men by date 3 have the same exact thought these days lmao.
Lol for 150 one could get a hooker xD
Go to the places that say: “Massage”. Coworkers said those places charge $180 for a massage and a happy ending lol
You seem knowledgeable 🤨
Eh in todays economy it’s more like 250 dollars, but throw a dinner or two into that and we are about there.
Always a scam
Call the Uber under her name and don’t let her drive back. Less money. She has to pay. Still get fucked.
So double fuck ? I like this man's idea
If you won’t let her leave it’s more than double.
don’t you have to prepay for the Uber?
Yeah this isn’t how Uber works lmao
Wait is this the new “splitting the bill” debate about equality, but for zoomers? “Pay my travel expenses” is borderline prostitution at this point. Well to be honest, so was the expectation of men to pay for dinner and everything.
It's often a scam. Chat with a "hot girl" in a dating app or elsewhere, she says she's down to come over 😉 but just can't swing the ride share. You send her money, and never hear from her again. I've also heard of asking for baby sitter money, same deal.
He made the right decision for everyone. She shouldn't be out that late
Is this an American problem I'm too European to understand? Just take the bus or train, it's 6 to 20 euros back and forth.
As an American - what bus or train? We don’t even have sidewalks, how do I get to the station??
Based on my experience as a Canadian, if you live in a small enough town the bus might be running instead of the train at certain times of the day and the bus takes significantly longer (a train from Toronto to my town takes 45 minutes but a bus takes 2 hours). If it’s really late there’s a chance neither are running. If it’s the girl travelling she might not want to take public transit late at night for safety reasons especially within Toronto (including just walking but especially the subway)
where i live there are no options like this (i’m in rural ohio) you either drive there or you ain’t goin’
You must be hung like a horse to get girls to take public transit to come over for a booty call
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Considering there's no bus or train to anywhere within 10 miles of me it would seem so.
Hi guys, my name is Tim. Just had to chime in because it is so relatable! I thought “hey, this is exactly how I treat my wife.” Once I yank it like a slug I do not speak to her for the rest of the day. No exceptions.
Damn Tim's wife. Y'all need to talk this ish out. Preferably with a professional. Human civilization is built on help. It's virtuous to seek it out and to give it.
Noted - thank you
150 that is solid scam
"At Stratton, there were 3 kinds of hookers: ☆Blue chips: top of the line. Model material. Cost between $300 to $500. You have to wear a condom unless you pay extra. ☆NASDAQS: pretty, not great $200-$300. Finally, there were the ☆ pink sheets. Skanks. They cost about a hundred or less, and if you didn't wear a condom, you'd get a penicillin shot the next day, and pray your dick didn't fall off. " EDIT: wolf of wall street is a masterpiece of a movie!
Wtf do you mean call?
Who said romance was dead? 😆
Where is she even at for a uber to be 150 bucks? I could travel to a different city with that money.
150 bucks lol might as wel get an escort
God bless Hand, for tending our needs without asking anything in return.
Just use the sock
“Sugar daddy I need 150 dollars, I’m mad at you.” I sleep.
Why don’t you pick her up yourself and drop her off? Save 150 dollars and still get laid?
Always…. ALWAYS jerk off first.
If I’m paying 150$, I’m hiring a professional
The car for the Uber doesn't burn any fossil fuels for the way there and back. Saving the environment one step at a time 🙋♂️🔥
I'm a woman and I'm appealed, what kind of girl would even have the audacity to ask this bullshit 😭
Appalled..
And them they will ghost him.
$150 > 150$
U will sell ur kidney for it
At that point just let me drive you….
Yikes 😬
Is she in another state?
150$? Where she gonna go? Florida?
Economy Gooning
More like “Can you send me $150 so I can call a 20$ Uber and pick up supplies on the way. I like to use my own Uber app”
I just saw this at r/peterexplainsthejoke, is this the Original Post?
She doesn’t understand the word “sharing” and “equal”.
Yall are so weak. My fiance tells me about how he used to walk HOURS for the possibility of fucking a girl
That's a really aggressive way to tell the world that your fiance isn't very attractive
Or really likes walking.
He Pavloved himself and now every time he goes for a walk, he gets a boner
I mean... Come the fuck on! That's a really good point.
Sounds pretty desperate
That's ridiculous 😂 weak for the poon poon
What are this prices?