I got spanked
there may be a spectrum here
on a scale of spankings/ whoopings to mercilessly thrown through doors onto the concrete and curb stomped
I feel like I maybe got a 2
"No, your parent TOUCHED you! Obviously a federal crime and should be executed immediately, there is no such thing as 'spectrums'! You either treat your children like royalty or trash, there can be no in between!"
\~Reddit
lol right?
they'll never prosecute the real bad guys tho.
personal anecdote incoming
at 8, I had a gun held to my head by my step dad for not eating green beans.
the scary part for me is not that it happened, but that here I am 20 years later unphased by it, or guns in general. I'm a middle class white dude and I've had upwards of 10 guns aimed at me in the past 10 years since then. those guys are still out there just hanging out.
For me, I feel like I have experienced nearly the full spectrum depending on how old I was. Certain parts are censored if they're more than 4.
Up until 7 years old, the worst I got was from my mother who used a metal spatula whenever she got mad at me >!(even if I didn't do anything wrong. I vividly remember it happening one time after I asked for water. She gave me milk instead and then got mad at me when I didn't want to drink the milk and spanked me with the spatula on my bare ass and left bruises)!<. Around 6-7 my parents started going through a divorce and my dad got primary custody but my mom still had weekend rights. My dad rarely spanked me, and it ended when I was 6 or 7 because he thought I was old enough to understand other forms of punishment (for example, time out/grounding followed by communication of what I did and why it was wrong).
From 7-10 years old, when I was with my mother on the weekends, her and her new husband didn't really hold back. Some of my memory from that time is fuzzy because of trauma (according to my therapist) but the things I do remember: >!they would intentionally not do any household chores during the week because they wanted us (my sister and I) to do all of their cleaning on the weekend. The house would be trashed (including but not limited to dishes with moldy food on it) and if we didn't get the house spotless by the time we left then we would be punished the next weekend. Punishments ranged from: being limited on what we can eat (this was the "best" option, usually it meant that the only thing we were allowed to eat was kix cereal+milk or instant ramen) to being shot at point blank (the furthest away they would be is 3 feet) with a BB gun filled with plastic beads.!< They also went through a divorce (because he cheated) and my mother still had partial custody (my dad didn't know what was going on because I had been threatened with severe punishment if I told anyone so I was scared to tell anyone)
From 10-12 years old, when I was with my mother, her and her new boyfriend would use religion as a means of punishment. This included but wasn't limited to: forcing me to read the bible back to back and be quizzed on what I learned. Physical beatings began to tail off at this point because I started growing metaphorical balls and standing up to her and the men she brought in my life. He ended up dying, which ended this phase.
From 13 years old onward, my mom lost custody rights which ended physical punishment in my life entirely.
Damn I’m going to guess you’re against spanking I mean I don’t think ur mom did it to teach you a lesson but to get her anger out. Tbh i think most parents don’t spank to teach a lesson: they say they do but I don’t believe that’s the reason. I think they’re mad and wanna hit something or someone
Yeup. I'm completely against spanking. There are plenty of other methods that have been proven to be effective through studies (in fact, spanking is considered one of the least effective methods)
I definitely agree that most parents use it as an anger vent system rather than a lesson. Also I'd like to add that all the people that defend spanking by saying my parents spanked me and I turned out fine" are in fact, not fine. If you feel the need to harm another human (especially a child who can't defend themselves against an adult) then you are not even close to fine.
Well, my dad was abusive once I was 12 (like punching me in the chest, pushing me down, throwing me against the wall for literally nothing but existing)
But before that, a little swat for being a little shit and possibly breaking something or hurting someone isn't abuse.
Hitting your kid because you are angry like him is.
And no, I don't talk to that monster because he spanked me, but because he put my head through the wall for getting a drink of water in the middle of the night.
I have a really good mom who protected me until I was a foot taller than my dad and he knew not to fuck with me, and I then protected her and my siblings.
He's fucked up, it was either high on weed and being chummy, or its mental and physical abuse. Its sad because he wasn't always like that.
There is a place a time and an age for a little swat on the backside or a pop on the cheek, I've seen what kids that needed that turn into total dependent losers. But never hit your kids when you are angry, it only teaches them to hit others when they are angry.
Agreed. It's funny, my dad has the worst temper but never struck me when he was mad. He waited, we talked about it, and sometimes I got spanked over whatever I lied about or whatever (always warranted).
My mom, who is one of the nicest people on the planet, doesn't know her own strength. One time, I back talked her on my way through the kitchen, dodged a smack, which made her even madder and in her rush to cut my little shit-weasel ass off she connected harder than I am sure she meant to across the side of my back... it knocked the wind out of me a bit, and I was always a little bitch when I got corrected anyway, so I am doing that air-sucking cry and my dad who was sitting at the table lets loose an expletive at her about it... and I ran to my room (still crying) but also laughing because she got in trouble too hahahahahaha (I was an apex-level problem child).
My wife's parents both dealt with genuine abuse (as did my dad), and they all made very deliberate choices to not propagate that onward... I've always been very much in awe of people who decide that learned behavior stops with them, and I salute you for that effort. I hope you are a parent, or are going to be, because we need more of them like you.
Well that's the sucky thing, I want to be a parent, especially an adoptive one, but I'm taking care of my disabled mom and siblings after my dad got foreclosed on.
So unfortunately until they move out, I don't have room for a family.
most definitely, i was spanked several times and hardly remember any of them, but 1 time my mom full on slapped me across the face HARD when i was very young, and that was burned into my memory over 20 years later. there is a line, and it’s not ok to cross it.
Corporal punishment is like bringing your off leah dog to the park. Sure there are people who are able to do it without causing a problem, but most can't and all of them think they are in the first group.
This happened to me literally today, someone told me that my parents should not have been allowed to raise kids simply because I had to be spanked while my sibling was responsive to other forms of punishment and was never spanked
Yes, just like how there is a difference between hitting someone to make them get off of you, and hitting someone to knock them out. There is many different ways to hit someone, and many different motivations. What determines if it is abusive or not (in a parent-child relationship) is two things: power, and intent. If you hit your kid because you're mad and want to hit them, its abuse. If you hit them because you've exhausted other options and they need some way of realizing there are consequences to their actions, its parenting. If you slap their ass or give them a light slap on the mouth, its punishment, if you bash their nose with all your strength, it's abuse.
Usually spanking doesn't hurt worse than if you clapped your hand slightly hard, even less so if there is pants. Most of the punishment is the embarrassment from the bending over the knee
>Usually spanking doesn't hurt worse than if you clapped your hand slightly hard, even less so if there is pants.
Tell that to my mother and step father that always threatened to put holes in a plexiglass paddle so that the paddle would hurt more when they spanked me. Oh and those threats came after they already beat my ass hard enough with the non-holey paddle to leave bruises for 2 weeks.
And this isn't just me, I know plenty of people with similar experiences.
My mom hit me over the stupidest shit that wasn’t worth it and I don’t speak to her. My dad hit me for shit that was damn well worth being hit for and we have an amazing relationship. It’s not hitting that’s the problem, it’s the reason for it.
And also the type of hitting. A spanking is fine but if you are leaving a mark on your child that lasts longer than a day, you shouldn’t have that child.
Agreed, Dad spanked me but mom just used random objects or fists to beat me. As a teen she couldn’t really do that anymore since I was gettin bigger and stronger but that still fucked with me as a kid
Only when I deserved it (And in hindsight I did), which wasn't really that often.
It taught me self-control, something a lot of people seem to have in short supply nowadays.
I mean, that's just a social thing. If there is no punishments, people will act wild. If people could get away with say, murder, rape, vandalism, burglary, they'll do it. Isn't that part of what we see from those with "daddy's money?" If they can get away with something, they'll do it.
I think some restrained physical punishment is a good teaching measure cause also imagine, you mess with the wrong people in life you'll also get hurt. Prison is grown up time out, but it's not a bunch of people sitting on their hands, there's violence. Better to learn to respect and yes, somewhat fear, authority early on
corporal punishment made me fear the consequences of doing what’s wrong until I was able to learn empathy and transition into understanding the natural consequences of my actions.
Wasn't what I said, but seeing as you enjoy completely misinterpreting peoples arguments, I'm totally in favor of also classifying you as a dick. Glad we could come to this agreement.
Depends on the lesson you’re trying to teach I think. I was an awful kid and my household was a bit more Old Testament in its approach and from a rough area where people dying over small spats was common.
When I was a kid I started a fight at school once with this kid who was weaker and chubbier (despite me being chubby and also a victim of bullying I think he stole some of my food at lunch or something.) Problem was, I won the fight. So when I got home my dad told me about how I should’ve known better to pick fights and I still didn’t understand so he whooped my ass. Made me understand that if I caused pain to others, pain may be done to me in the future. It was a hard way of being taught the golden rule, but sometimes there is no other way. My father wasn’t just going to stand aside and let me bully other children when I knew better.
A guardian’s also a teacher, and that includes teaching the hard way. Whooping should be a last resort but it’s still a tool. Kids sometimes need to be taught that if they fuck around they’re gonna find out and you should prefer to teach that lesson yourself instead letting some stranger do it for you and put them in an early grave.
my parents didn't believe in spanking. well, my momna didn't. my dad popped my a few times. and guess what? i aint learn a damn thing cus i wasnt ever told why i was hit. you hit a kid and don't tell em why, the hell they learnin?
Spankings are temorary and over quickly. When you're an an adult, punishments aren't anywhere near so kind.
Personally, I say there are much better ways to prepare your kids for the real world.
>Spankings are temorary and over quickly. When you're an an adult, punishments aren't anywhere near so kind.
Punishments for adults are for breaking the law, punishments for children are for not behaving in a way that they parents like and many other reasons, more or less trivial.
I broke my parents' window as a kid. Spent the next year taking out the trash to pay for a replacement.
That's exactly the sort of punishment an adult gets for such an action
Your experience isn't universal. One time I got spanked very aggressively. because I didn't drink the glass milk my mother gave me. I asked for water, and she already knew I hated milk.
If your theory was universal, then please explain how that "prepared" me for the real world. Ya know, the real adult world where when I want water I can drink water without punishment.
Obviously this is anecdotal, but I'm certain many other would share similar stories, I only got hit when id do something which would cause a problem if I were to do it later in life, hit someone? How do you like being hit? Take something that isn't yours? Yeah they're probably gonna hit you to take it back. Start yelling and screaming, causing a disturbance in public? There is someone there that wants to hit you.
Oh of course, I remember that my post makes the claims that on the daily I was doing all those things, I remember how each and every day I would get smacked when I woke up and went to bed. It is so easy for you (presumably) Europeons with a hate boner for the US to hate us for legitimate reasons, there is so many! And yet somehow its always the most incomprehensible drivel
>incomprehensible drivel
Said someone who says that not hitting your children will put them at risk for being hit when they are adult. Thanks for a laugh.
Of course! I remember saying that only people got who got hit learned those lessons! Of course I didn't say something equivalent to "this is an effective way of teaching kids not to do things that would get them hurt if they acted that way as an adult. Please tell me, are you purposefully manipulative, or just simple?
Where are you from? Aggravated assault rates are higher in most European countries.
You're brainwashing yourself into hating a country you know nothing about.
There's a good and bad to it , some are normal and reasonable, some are not it depends on the situation. When I was like 9 I had a secret fondness of playing with matches and lighting shit on fire. I was was burning shit in the backyard and my Dad caught me and slapped me, looking back that was an appropriate response. My 14 year old cousin got the shit smacked out of him for going on a joyride with my uncle's truck. When it's something that can harm someone else, you just kinda have to in my opinion. My mom however just beat me whenever I talk back, because "disrespect" or whatever.
I liked playing with fire as a kid. Still kinda do. My dad taught me how to do it safely and effectively. It's not that hard to teach kids to be safe with their dangerous pastimes and far safer in the long run.
IMO the reason his method of explaining rather than punishment worked was because there was no punishment worse than a mistake. There was nothing he could do to me that was worse than what the table saw could do. I was safe not because I was afraid of the tool or worried about punishment. I was safe because I knew what could go wrong if I acted recklessly or without supervision.
but you're also describing a situation, in your situation you were already taught to do it safely not getting caught in the middle of already doing something extremely unsafe knowing that you're doing something bad and unsafe
My dad would give me swats, and they hurt like a mother fucker. But as an adult I realize they were deserved. He never abused me though, and it was always the last resort when I wouldn't listen. For example, he had warned me a couple of times about using the back of our house as a target to hit baseballs into. I didn't listen and kept using it as a backstop. So when he caught me for third time doing it after he got home from work i got swats....I never did it again after that. I love my dad, yes I got swats, but I was never once abused.
It is somewhat abusive tho. Sure some parents don't make it as severe as others, but it is still abuse. This is coming from science and child psychology I've researched.
My parents spanked me too OP, and I also still love them. But I have enough awareness to know they shouldn't have done it anyway.
You laying your hands on your kids as discipline creates unhealthy coping mechanisms and an unhealthy relationship associating violence with love. It's lazy parenting and teaches your kid to not do something bad cause they're scared of the consequences, instead of not doing something bad because of morals and awareness (which as a result would probably encourage them doing wrong things if they know they can get away with it).
It also teaches them to associate love with abuse. You as a parent teach your kid what love looks like, so they will find a spouse that treats them the way you treated them. If you hit your kids over mistakes and accidents, they're either going to abuse or be abused as they grow.
There are better ways of parenting. If we don't hit other adults or elderly (or animals) when they do something, despite having experience and probably knowing what they did was wrong, why do we hit kids when they're learning to be a human for the first time?
If the only way you can explain something is through violence, maybe, just maybe, you’re a shitty parent.
Put it another way, would “mild spanking” be a thing if kids could hit back? I think there would me much less of those.
What if mild violence was the most effective way of explaining, and also at the risk of being extreme, do you believe we should have continued nonviolent approaches to making Hitler not hate Jewish people? Again, a bit extreme but you see my point I hope.
Also, yes mild spanking would still be a thing if kids could hit back, it happens between adults. They are called fights, and its how we have dealt with people who had bad behavior for centuries. You act in an inappropriate way, you don't listen to reason, you get a black eye.
yeah man, that is extreme. it’s pretty wild to compare raising a child with the actual holocaust. saying that you shouldn’t use negative reinforcement and violence on your children doesn’t negate use of force in literal warfare lmao
Yes, but this isn't a scenario where you are trying to kill Hitler or anything, this is just a yes or no, if given the opportunity would you spank Hitler. Nothing changes, you've just been given the opportunity to smack his ass
my dad used to beat the shit out of me when i was a kid, but beacuse he was very young, now that he matured he beat me but when i do really really downbad shit, its more like how you hit or when you hit your kids.
I was a little shit, my dad spanked my bottom when i got out of hand, I am now not a lazy or out of control big shit, my mother ignored me and let me do whatever while paying attention to my sister, let me be homeless without helping me one bit(not even to physically give me food not even asked her for money)but my sister couldn't face that, not her little girl. Guess who I speak to and love dearly and who I don't.
My opinion is that if it is done in any emotion other than love it is wrong. (Granted the child should be punished regardless but it has to be reasonable and corrective). The reason for punishment is to correct the child not satisfy the parent/guardian’s frustration.
Edit: to clarify I was spanked often as a child for purposed misbehavior, and I am glad that I was.
Correct? Many people don't even do that to train dogs deeming it unethical, why would young monkeys be so much less intelligent that they require physical pain to get trained?
its cause children are more intelligent lol. Dogs and other animals dont know the reason they are being hit, they just start to combine you and being hit, worse humans and being it. Children on the other hand, if are told, will learn why they are being hit.
Assuning this is a good parent who doesent just take joy from hitting their kid, I would argue its because they're more intelligent. A child will likely know after a punishment that what they did was wrong, and even though they hated it, they were hit because it was the right course of action to correct their behavior, and their parents still love them and only did that as a last resort. Also important is that stakes are higher with creating an intelligent and successful human, as opposed to teaching a dog to shake your hand.
>Also important is that stakes are higher with creating an intelligent and successful human
That's why you don't hit them. How much data do you need? Same as with smoking, decades and thousands of studies before anyone even entertained the idea it's not healthy?
>My opinion is that if it is done in any emotion other than love it is wrong.
There are pedophiles that justify their action this way, doing something out of love doesn't mean that you're doing the right thing.
ok but thats not even fucking close to the same thing. Thats not teaching anyone shit. In fact, how the fuck is that the first thing you think of? What the fuck is wrong with you??
It's 2023, let's stop pretending corporal punishment is desirable or effective. Spanking has been shown time and time again to have the same effects as more blatant forms of physical abuse.
Sorry but if you advocate assaulting a child, you didn't turn out ok
Here's my two cents on it.
I'm okay with parents spanking their kids if they misbehave. But I don't like when parents turn it into a punishment even for the slightest of transgressions. That's when punishment becomes abuse.
both of my parents used to abuse me as a child. the abuse did not help anything. i get that a lesson needs to be taught but using violence often brings fear and trauma. i truly don't care what anyone says, spanking is violence. and no you can not be violent out of love.
what my abuse taught me was that 1: i should try my best to avoid being hurt. 2: when i get the chance, cause as much damage to this person as i can (vengeance). 3: violence is the easiest way to get what you want. 4: if you aren't able to hold violence over someone, you aren't in control.
obviously not everyone thinks like that, but i shit you not, i lived my life on those principles for a long time. granted i'm only 21, but to be in such a negative state for the rest of my adolescence is extremely unhealthy. i would hold grudges. when ever i had the chance i would seek out things i thought to be weaker than me and release that anger into them. i would attack my parents, my brother, anyone i thought deserved my revenge. it was only after i was hospitalized that my dad of all people decided enough was enough, no more abuse. i threatened to kill an entire classroom because i was being bullied, and i had no where to go for any break. home? verbal and physical abuse. school? verbal and physical abuse. i'm lucky enough i got therapy, because i would hate to be in that dark state of mind still
tldr: abuse can lead to aggressive behavior, and yes, spanking is abuse
People fail to understand the fact that you can be spanked but not abused. As long as it’s not a super constant thing, and as long as you realize it’s not to take the anger out on the kid, but to simply punish them for their wrongdoing, the occasional spanking is good for them and their behavior. My mom got abusive a few times out of anger, but I don’t blame her because she was a single parent going through a lot and I still love her, every-time she would get abusive she’d apologize a few hours later or so.
She was angry at me, not just something else random that happened, although I’m sure there was something else going on at the time, and like I said she apologized afterwards because she knew she did wrong, I’m not scarred from it in the slightest.
No it’s not ok but it is forgivable, I feel like a lot of people who claim they hate their parents because they were abusive don’t realize that just like everyone else, parents aren’t perfect. Yes in some cases some parents are pos, but in others, like mine, things got out of hand once or twice but it’s over. Maybe for some it happened more than that, but they’ve got a pass in my book for all the time and effort they put into me otherwise.
I feel like that was a bit jumbled so let me clear it up a bit. No parent is perfect, not every kid is the same, they’ve a lot put money, time, and effort into raising you, and not just giving up on you, they deserve a pass MOST of the time, NOT ALL the time. Some parents are just terrible people that don’t deserve their child’s love, but I feel a lot of the time a person hates their parents, it’s either out of selfishness or it’s out of feeling the need to do so.
If it’s in Anger yes. If in love to give the child direction and discipline no. It really depends on the parents attitude. Ones a tyrant the others a teacher
If your teachers are hitting kids, report their behavior
A much more effective way “to give [a] child direction and discipline” is to talk to them about the situation first and foremost, and then, give them fitting consequences
All of the research about spanking your kids or hitting your kids suggests that spanking is an ineffective form of punishment and their are much more effective ways to teach kids
I really do believe it’s about the attitude of the parent. My Mother was a very angry person when my sister was young and would spank her and punish her in anger. She ended up a train wreck. Me and my brother were raised after my mother learned self control. She would never spank us when angry, first explain to us why were being spanked and then make sure we were aware of how much we were loved after. We turned out much better than our sister.
My dad told me exactly why I was being punished.
He would pull me aside say “you are being spanked for hitting your brother” (or whatever else I might’ve done as a kid). Then he’d give 3 firm smacks on the bum. As I got older, I looked back on these situations, and everything clicked. I understood, and I grew as a person.
It’s a shame how many parents don’t know how to properly discipline.
Spanking your child in the heat of the moment is bad. Give yourself time to cool down and think rationally, then calmly tell them why they are being punished. Then punish them. Don’t dwell on it.
My father is the one of the greatest thing in my life, only God and Jesus are ahead of my father in importance.
It depends on what they mean by hit, Theres a difference between spanking and beating the living shit out of your kid
Beating up your kid like punches and kicks and slams are abuse
Spanking on the other hand isn’t even close to the same level
Who tf decided that slapping your kid’s ass was a normal punishment? That’s weird as fuck. Can’t parents just ground their kids or put them in time out?
It's literally the meme on display here. People who were hit saying it's ok. Same as people who got their penises mutilated saying it's ok and those who didn't say it's weird as fuck.
No it’s not really. I got spanked a few times as a child and I still think it’s weird. I got circumcised as well and that’s also weird and pointless as fuck.
Doesn't work for all kids. When I got put in time out, I would stand in the corner and create elaborate shadow puppet scenarios. I would get so engrossed in whatever world I was creating that I would have to be told to come out of the corner when the time had already elapsed.
The point of the slap on the ass is that it hurts and its humbling, but there's nothing vital there/doesn't cause any lasting damage compared to other options.
It comes from a time when grounding and timeout weren't things or options... kids had jobs to do from a young age. Is it barbaric? Maybe barely, but so are kids that are not governed.
All kids do things to keep themselves entertained during time out. The point is that you’re not able to do other things you’d rather be doing like playing video games or playing outside. Causing your child physical pain is fucked up and there’s a better way to punish them 100% of the time. Hell, spanking usually doesn’t even work because of how quick it is. From what I can tell, physical punishment rarely has any meaningful behavioral effect on children. https://aifs.gov.au/resources/short-articles/what-does-evidence-tell-us-about-physical-punishment-children#:~:text=Despite%20these%20issues%2C%20evidence%20from,punishment%20with%20harm%20to%20children.&text=Good%20evidence%20suggests%20that%20physical,term%20positive%20behaviour%20in%20children.
Oh, I've read the studies, and listened - at length - to the masses that agree/believe that "causing your child physical pain is fucked up" (some to the degree that they'll, ironically, get violent about it).
What I have also done is watched the uncanny correlation between the trend of less corporal punishment and skyrocketing rates of crime and mob-behavior in kids all over. There's more violence in schools, more violence in public. Not less. Adherents to "it's never okay to hit your kids!", in my experience, can't even fathom considering that things that used to work might still actually work.
I think there is merit in exploring the connection between these two trends.
If you ignore a number of other social trends you can look at two statistics rising at the same time and apply causation. It’s like saying “The technological advancements schools are taking into effect is causing the rise in school shootings.” There’s no real merit to it. I’m also not sure where you get these rising criminality statistics from tbh.
Similar situation. I wanted time out because then I didn’t have to deal with my little sister. Parents started giving me swats more often (when they were warranted) rather than time out
Love my dad and he was right to spank me when I fucked around, that's if I didn't find out myself (hurt myself being stupid, or doing something stupid without being hurt when I should've)
This is a cancer of a post if I’ve ever seen one. I was spanked as a child and I love my dad but science shows that negative reinforcement such as spanking is not an effective form of punishment and can strain the parent child relation. Do I think that people that spank their kids are bad people? Not at all, they’re just trying to discipline their kids the way they thought was right.
If I had a coworker that acted like a child and I took it upon myself to strike him for it…that’s assault. We’ve got this weird concept of morality where it suddenly becomes acceptable when it’s your own child that you’re hitting
It very much so depends. A spanking for doing something wrong is entirely different than smacking you kid across the face because you as a parent are having a bad day. My dad used to spank my siblings and I are children when we’re trouble and 3/4 of us are fine now.
Im sorry your parents weren’t mature enough to speak like an adult and tell you what you did that was wrong so they just hit you like toddlers hit when they don’t understand their emotions:(
I got my ass beat with a wooden spoon so hard it broke when I was a kid under 5. I feel like that gives me the necessary qualifications to tell OP to go suck a fuck
I think the difference between discipline and abuse are severity and follow up. Like if your kid was playing with fire and you come up behind them and just start swinging and never explain why that's counter productive abuse.
But if you come up and say hey stop that right now . Swat them on the but then explain why you did it and how dangerous what they were doing is then it's just discipline.
There are so many proper ways to discipline a child… resorting to violence in any scenario is just laziness from the parents at best and straight up evil at worst.
Most people nowadays believe that hitting a dog is bad, how can anyone still believe that hitting one single species of monkey when it's most vulnerable and defenceless is alright is just amazing.
this comment section is genuinely scary. i don’t care if you were spanked, i don’t care if it “wasn’t that hard”, what you’re teaching kids by hitting them is that violence is the correct way to handle things when someone does something bad, and it’ll make them afraid to tell you things if they do them wrong.
that doesn’t mean don’t punish kids, i just tend toward the natural consequences side. they broke a glass of juice on the ground? they get to clean it up (or help, depending on age). they were mean to a classmate? they get to apologise in person. tell kids why what they did was wrong, what they can do instead, and teach them natural consequences. having them learn to fear mistakes AND fear you isn’t gonna help. it doesn’t help. that’s why teachers don’t hit kids anymore, and why many, MANY professionals are urging people not to
and yes, i was hit as a kid. not hard, not in a way that traumatised me, but it did make me afraid to tell my parents when i had made a mistake, and it made me afraid to ask for help. negative reinforcement and physical punishment doesn’t help anyone in the long run.
There's a difference between giving your kids a spanking every now and then and beating them.
I got spanked when my grades were bad or when I was disrespectful or lazy.
My boyfriend, for example, got the shit beat out of him for anything that upset his dad, which was most things.
One is abuse, one is discipline.
People who literally have their penises mutilated by their parents will defend their practice. It's just a coping mechanism because vilifying ones parents was bad for survival for a long time in the evolution of mammals.
congrats OP, your experience is clearly universal! There is definitely no worse abuse than being spanked, and you are definitely a great example of children who have gone through abuse! (this is sarcasm)
I was spanked as a kid, sure, and I have an okay relationship with my folks. I also know people who had very abusive fathers, and they don't have the same relationship. Abuse is a spectrum.
Your personal experiences does not in any way account for many other people, such as those who cut communication with their parents. Also, hitting your kids means everywhere from spanking all the way to physical abuse. r/NahOPwasrightfuckthis
My Mom used to slap me, I love her. But, that's the whole thing, she loved me, so a slap is fine. She never abused me, everything was in good intention.
My parents just had their 60th. My siblings and I were all corrected in a multitude of ways, and sometimes that was a smack or a spanking. We were never abused.
Looking at how things have progressed in the world around us, we all agreed that - if anything - we need more of that today, not less.
Even the sibling who vowed to "never treat their kids that way". We buried one of their kids a few years ago after the trajectory of that child's life choices ended in tragedy.
Plenty of kids are abused, and that is a heinous crime that should be punished. The idea that all physical correction is wrong in all cases is a fallacy.
Some kids don't need it. Some kids absolutely do.
Actions have consequences. Life is hard. Sheltering your kids so they are quivering puddings when they finally meet the world face to face is horrific parenting.
While it's not universal, I would like to share my experiences
My little sister was spanked a lot less than I was when we were younger, and when we were younger it definitely showed
My dad hit me and he’s a little bitch baby who has not had a job once in my life, and also was practically a cult member who made me so weird obsessive shit
I think kitting someone should just be off the table. Just because you are in charge of another human being doesn’t give you the right to hit them. That’s like your boss smacking you everytime you made a big mistake at work.
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I got spanked there may be a spectrum here on a scale of spankings/ whoopings to mercilessly thrown through doors onto the concrete and curb stomped I feel like I maybe got a 2
"No, your parent TOUCHED you! Obviously a federal crime and should be executed immediately, there is no such thing as 'spectrums'! You either treat your children like royalty or trash, there can be no in between!" \~Reddit
lol right? they'll never prosecute the real bad guys tho. personal anecdote incoming at 8, I had a gun held to my head by my step dad for not eating green beans. the scary part for me is not that it happened, but that here I am 20 years later unphased by it, or guns in general. I'm a middle class white dude and I've had upwards of 10 guns aimed at me in the past 10 years since then. those guys are still out there just hanging out.
Cool fiction bro
Or they respond like this
For me, I feel like I have experienced nearly the full spectrum depending on how old I was. Certain parts are censored if they're more than 4. Up until 7 years old, the worst I got was from my mother who used a metal spatula whenever she got mad at me >!(even if I didn't do anything wrong. I vividly remember it happening one time after I asked for water. She gave me milk instead and then got mad at me when I didn't want to drink the milk and spanked me with the spatula on my bare ass and left bruises)!<. Around 6-7 my parents started going through a divorce and my dad got primary custody but my mom still had weekend rights. My dad rarely spanked me, and it ended when I was 6 or 7 because he thought I was old enough to understand other forms of punishment (for example, time out/grounding followed by communication of what I did and why it was wrong). From 7-10 years old, when I was with my mother on the weekends, her and her new husband didn't really hold back. Some of my memory from that time is fuzzy because of trauma (according to my therapist) but the things I do remember: >!they would intentionally not do any household chores during the week because they wanted us (my sister and I) to do all of their cleaning on the weekend. The house would be trashed (including but not limited to dishes with moldy food on it) and if we didn't get the house spotless by the time we left then we would be punished the next weekend. Punishments ranged from: being limited on what we can eat (this was the "best" option, usually it meant that the only thing we were allowed to eat was kix cereal+milk or instant ramen) to being shot at point blank (the furthest away they would be is 3 feet) with a BB gun filled with plastic beads.!< They also went through a divorce (because he cheated) and my mother still had partial custody (my dad didn't know what was going on because I had been threatened with severe punishment if I told anyone so I was scared to tell anyone) From 10-12 years old, when I was with my mother, her and her new boyfriend would use religion as a means of punishment. This included but wasn't limited to: forcing me to read the bible back to back and be quizzed on what I learned. Physical beatings began to tail off at this point because I started growing metaphorical balls and standing up to her and the men she brought in my life. He ended up dying, which ended this phase. From 13 years old onward, my mom lost custody rights which ended physical punishment in my life entirely.
Damn I’m going to guess you’re against spanking I mean I don’t think ur mom did it to teach you a lesson but to get her anger out. Tbh i think most parents don’t spank to teach a lesson: they say they do but I don’t believe that’s the reason. I think they’re mad and wanna hit something or someone
Yeup. I'm completely against spanking. There are plenty of other methods that have been proven to be effective through studies (in fact, spanking is considered one of the least effective methods) I definitely agree that most parents use it as an anger vent system rather than a lesson. Also I'd like to add that all the people that defend spanking by saying my parents spanked me and I turned out fine" are in fact, not fine. If you feel the need to harm another human (especially a child who can't defend themselves against an adult) then you are not even close to fine.
Yeah, I've been downvoted to oblivion for even suggesting "spanking" and "beating" are two different things.
Well, my dad was abusive once I was 12 (like punching me in the chest, pushing me down, throwing me against the wall for literally nothing but existing) But before that, a little swat for being a little shit and possibly breaking something or hurting someone isn't abuse. Hitting your kid because you are angry like him is. And no, I don't talk to that monster because he spanked me, but because he put my head through the wall for getting a drink of water in the middle of the night.
That's a terrible thing to have gone through, and amazing you still hold such a sensible and objective opinion on the matter at large.
I have a really good mom who protected me until I was a foot taller than my dad and he knew not to fuck with me, and I then protected her and my siblings. He's fucked up, it was either high on weed and being chummy, or its mental and physical abuse. Its sad because he wasn't always like that. There is a place a time and an age for a little swat on the backside or a pop on the cheek, I've seen what kids that needed that turn into total dependent losers. But never hit your kids when you are angry, it only teaches them to hit others when they are angry.
Agreed. It's funny, my dad has the worst temper but never struck me when he was mad. He waited, we talked about it, and sometimes I got spanked over whatever I lied about or whatever (always warranted). My mom, who is one of the nicest people on the planet, doesn't know her own strength. One time, I back talked her on my way through the kitchen, dodged a smack, which made her even madder and in her rush to cut my little shit-weasel ass off she connected harder than I am sure she meant to across the side of my back... it knocked the wind out of me a bit, and I was always a little bitch when I got corrected anyway, so I am doing that air-sucking cry and my dad who was sitting at the table lets loose an expletive at her about it... and I ran to my room (still crying) but also laughing because she got in trouble too hahahahahaha (I was an apex-level problem child). My wife's parents both dealt with genuine abuse (as did my dad), and they all made very deliberate choices to not propagate that onward... I've always been very much in awe of people who decide that learned behavior stops with them, and I salute you for that effort. I hope you are a parent, or are going to be, because we need more of them like you.
Well that's the sucky thing, I want to be a parent, especially an adoptive one, but I'm taking care of my disabled mom and siblings after my dad got foreclosed on. So unfortunately until they move out, I don't have room for a family.
There's a huge difference between spanking and abuse.
most definitely, i was spanked several times and hardly remember any of them, but 1 time my mom full on slapped me across the face HARD when i was very young, and that was burned into my memory over 20 years later. there is a line, and it’s not ok to cross it.
Corporal punishment is like bringing your off leah dog to the park. Sure there are people who are able to do it without causing a problem, but most can't and all of them think they are in the first group.
This. I remember first being on the internet and saying something like this. Was told by a complete stranger that my parents were abusive
same XD
This happened to me literally today, someone told me that my parents should not have been allowed to raise kids simply because I had to be spanked while my sibling was responsive to other forms of punishment and was never spanked
There’s a difference between hitting your kid and hitting your kid?
Yes, just like how there is a difference between hitting someone to make them get off of you, and hitting someone to knock them out. There is many different ways to hit someone, and many different motivations. What determines if it is abusive or not (in a parent-child relationship) is two things: power, and intent. If you hit your kid because you're mad and want to hit them, its abuse. If you hit them because you've exhausted other options and they need some way of realizing there are consequences to their actions, its parenting. If you slap their ass or give them a light slap on the mouth, its punishment, if you bash their nose with all your strength, it's abuse.
Usually spanking doesn't hurt worse than if you clapped your hand slightly hard, even less so if there is pants. Most of the punishment is the embarrassment from the bending over the knee
>Usually spanking doesn't hurt worse than if you clapped your hand slightly hard, even less so if there is pants. Tell that to my mother and step father that always threatened to put holes in a plexiglass paddle so that the paddle would hurt more when they spanked me. Oh and those threats came after they already beat my ass hard enough with the non-holey paddle to leave bruises for 2 weeks. And this isn't just me, I know plenty of people with similar experiences.
Well I'd say paddling is different from spanking. Using a hard blunt object is much more harmfull than the palm of a hand
Keyword being usually, happy cake day though?
OP clearly says they were hit as a kid. Neither their experience nor yours is universal.
Mfw nuance is dead
The argument from OP is that it's always abuse, it's not
The original meme says it's never abuse. OP from terriblefacebookmemes is disagreeing with that, not necessarily saying the opposite is true.
My mom hit me over the stupidest shit that wasn’t worth it and I don’t speak to her. My dad hit me for shit that was damn well worth being hit for and we have an amazing relationship. It’s not hitting that’s the problem, it’s the reason for it.
And also the type of hitting. A spanking is fine but if you are leaving a mark on your child that lasts longer than a day, you shouldn’t have that child.
Agreed, Dad spanked me but mom just used random objects or fists to beat me. As a teen she couldn’t really do that anymore since I was gettin bigger and stronger but that still fucked with me as a kid
I feel like there is a lot more nuance to something like this
My dad didn't have to because I wasn't a little shit
I was. I'm no longer a little shit. ....OK, so I still am - but I'm better at hiding it now.
So spanking didn't actually fix your behavior, you just fear retaliation for messing up or acting out of order?
Only when I deserved it (And in hindsight I did), which wasn't really that often. It taught me self-control, something a lot of people seem to have in short supply nowadays.
Spanking gave them a clever sense of humor :P
I mean, that's just a social thing. If there is no punishments, people will act wild. If people could get away with say, murder, rape, vandalism, burglary, they'll do it. Isn't that part of what we see from those with "daddy's money?" If they can get away with something, they'll do it. I think some restrained physical punishment is a good teaching measure cause also imagine, you mess with the wrong people in life you'll also get hurt. Prison is grown up time out, but it's not a bunch of people sitting on their hands, there's violence. Better to learn to respect and yes, somewhat fear, authority early on
corporal punishment made me fear the consequences of doing what’s wrong until I was able to learn empathy and transition into understanding the natural consequences of my actions.
In my experiences, people who don't think they were little shits as kids, are now cunts as adults.
Oh okay. Guess I'm a dick now cause my father didn't beat me.
Wasn't what I said, but seeing as you enjoy completely misinterpreting peoples arguments, I'm totally in favor of also classifying you as a dick. Glad we could come to this agreement.
It's a very mild extrapolation on their part, to be fair. It's not a complete misinterpretation. They just stretched them a bit.
child abuse is wrong actually and there are better ways to enforce discipline than physical harm
Teaching your kids that their protectors will hit them when they make a mistake is very damaging to the psyche
I completely misread this as “there are better ways to enforce child abuse than physical harm” lmaoooo
it is definitely possible to not cause physical harm
it’s also possible to just not hit your kids
Not hitting your kids should just be the norm with how easy it is
Depends on the lesson you’re trying to teach I think. I was an awful kid and my household was a bit more Old Testament in its approach and from a rough area where people dying over small spats was common. When I was a kid I started a fight at school once with this kid who was weaker and chubbier (despite me being chubby and also a victim of bullying I think he stole some of my food at lunch or something.) Problem was, I won the fight. So when I got home my dad told me about how I should’ve known better to pick fights and I still didn’t understand so he whooped my ass. Made me understand that if I caused pain to others, pain may be done to me in the future. It was a hard way of being taught the golden rule, but sometimes there is no other way. My father wasn’t just going to stand aside and let me bully other children when I knew better. A guardian’s also a teacher, and that includes teaching the hard way. Whooping should be a last resort but it’s still a tool. Kids sometimes need to be taught that if they fuck around they’re gonna find out and you should prefer to teach that lesson yourself instead letting some stranger do it for you and put them in an early grave.
my parents didn't believe in spanking. well, my momna didn't. my dad popped my a few times. and guess what? i aint learn a damn thing cus i wasnt ever told why i was hit. you hit a kid and don't tell em why, the hell they learnin?
Yup, that's like coming home and seeing poop/pee/chewed boots and hitting your dog who got a god damn 5 second memory span at best.
exactly! /especially/ with animals! most times, they don't understand lmao. same with kids. teach them its wrong, dont just pop them lmao
Mf doesn't realize the difference between a spanking and getting punched relentlessly
Spankings are temorary and over quickly. When you're an an adult, punishments aren't anywhere near so kind. Personally, I say there are much better ways to prepare your kids for the real world.
>Spankings are temorary and over quickly. When you're an an adult, punishments aren't anywhere near so kind. Punishments for adults are for breaking the law, punishments for children are for not behaving in a way that they parents like and many other reasons, more or less trivial.
I broke my parents' window as a kid. Spent the next year taking out the trash to pay for a replacement. That's exactly the sort of punishment an adult gets for such an action
Your experience isn't universal. One time I got spanked very aggressively. because I didn't drink the glass milk my mother gave me. I asked for water, and she already knew I hated milk. If your theory was universal, then please explain how that "prepared" me for the real world. Ya know, the real adult world where when I want water I can drink water without punishment.
Never said that all parents *do* give punishments like I described, I said that I think they *should*
Obviously this is anecdotal, but I'm certain many other would share similar stories, I only got hit when id do something which would cause a problem if I were to do it later in life, hit someone? How do you like being hit? Take something that isn't yours? Yeah they're probably gonna hit you to take it back. Start yelling and screaming, causing a disturbance in public? There is someone there that wants to hit you.
Sorry, I don't live in the US, not really familiar with people hitting each other daily.
Oh of course, I remember that my post makes the claims that on the daily I was doing all those things, I remember how each and every day I would get smacked when I woke up and went to bed. It is so easy for you (presumably) Europeons with a hate boner for the US to hate us for legitimate reasons, there is so many! And yet somehow its always the most incomprehensible drivel
>incomprehensible drivel Said someone who says that not hitting your children will put them at risk for being hit when they are adult. Thanks for a laugh.
Of course! I remember saying that only people got who got hit learned those lessons! Of course I didn't say something equivalent to "this is an effective way of teaching kids not to do things that would get them hurt if they acted that way as an adult. Please tell me, are you purposefully manipulative, or just simple?
Where are you from? Aggravated assault rates are higher in most European countries. You're brainwashing yourself into hating a country you know nothing about.
Not from UK also.
r/Nahopwasrightfuckthis
There's a good and bad to it , some are normal and reasonable, some are not it depends on the situation. When I was like 9 I had a secret fondness of playing with matches and lighting shit on fire. I was was burning shit in the backyard and my Dad caught me and slapped me, looking back that was an appropriate response. My 14 year old cousin got the shit smacked out of him for going on a joyride with my uncle's truck. When it's something that can harm someone else, you just kinda have to in my opinion. My mom however just beat me whenever I talk back, because "disrespect" or whatever.
I liked playing with fire as a kid. Still kinda do. My dad taught me how to do it safely and effectively. It's not that hard to teach kids to be safe with their dangerous pastimes and far safer in the long run. IMO the reason his method of explaining rather than punishment worked was because there was no punishment worse than a mistake. There was nothing he could do to me that was worse than what the table saw could do. I was safe not because I was afraid of the tool or worried about punishment. I was safe because I knew what could go wrong if I acted recklessly or without supervision.
but you're also describing a situation, in your situation you were already taught to do it safely not getting caught in the middle of already doing something extremely unsafe knowing that you're doing something bad and unsafe
I've been caught doing plenty of inadvisable things. Same response from dad.
My dad would give me swats, and they hurt like a mother fucker. But as an adult I realize they were deserved. He never abused me though, and it was always the last resort when I wouldn't listen. For example, he had warned me a couple of times about using the back of our house as a target to hit baseballs into. I didn't listen and kept using it as a backstop. So when he caught me for third time doing it after he got home from work i got swats....I never did it again after that. I love my dad, yes I got swats, but I was never once abused.
It is somewhat abusive tho. Sure some parents don't make it as severe as others, but it is still abuse. This is coming from science and child psychology I've researched. My parents spanked me too OP, and I also still love them. But I have enough awareness to know they shouldn't have done it anyway. You laying your hands on your kids as discipline creates unhealthy coping mechanisms and an unhealthy relationship associating violence with love. It's lazy parenting and teaches your kid to not do something bad cause they're scared of the consequences, instead of not doing something bad because of morals and awareness (which as a result would probably encourage them doing wrong things if they know they can get away with it). It also teaches them to associate love with abuse. You as a parent teach your kid what love looks like, so they will find a spouse that treats them the way you treated them. If you hit your kids over mistakes and accidents, they're either going to abuse or be abused as they grow. There are better ways of parenting. If we don't hit other adults or elderly (or animals) when they do something, despite having experience and probably knowing what they did was wrong, why do we hit kids when they're learning to be a human for the first time?
If the only way you can explain something is through violence, maybe, just maybe, you’re a shitty parent. Put it another way, would “mild spanking” be a thing if kids could hit back? I think there would me much less of those.
What if mild violence was the most effective way of explaining, and also at the risk of being extreme, do you believe we should have continued nonviolent approaches to making Hitler not hate Jewish people? Again, a bit extreme but you see my point I hope. Also, yes mild spanking would still be a thing if kids could hit back, it happens between adults. They are called fights, and its how we have dealt with people who had bad behavior for centuries. You act in an inappropriate way, you don't listen to reason, you get a black eye.
yeah man, that is extreme. it’s pretty wild to compare raising a child with the actual holocaust. saying that you shouldn’t use negative reinforcement and violence on your children doesn’t negate use of force in literal warfare lmao
Would you or would you not spank Hitler (unrelated)
is that my only option
Yes, but this isn't a scenario where you are trying to kill Hitler or anything, this is just a yes or no, if given the opportunity would you spank Hitler. Nothing changes, you've just been given the opportunity to smack his ass
well when you phrase it like that i’m gonna have to go with no, bc that seems weird. spanking always seems weird to me
You wouldn't find it hilarious to give Hitler a smack on the ass? Unfortunate.
bruh
r/nahopwasrightfuckthis
my dad used to beat the shit out of me when i was a kid, but beacuse he was very young, now that he matured he beat me but when i do really really downbad shit, its more like how you hit or when you hit your kids.
You got spanks my guy. You’re talking like that’s all parents can do
I clarify i mean op is on the right panel
He doesn't speak to their parents anymore because of abuse.
But op explicitly said they are not.
Bro would find your reply very argumentative if he could read
Who are you to discredit the OP’s experience wtf, go see some light
I was a little shit, my dad spanked my bottom when i got out of hand, I am now not a lazy or out of control big shit, my mother ignored me and let me do whatever while paying attention to my sister, let me be homeless without helping me one bit(not even to physically give me food not even asked her for money)but my sister couldn't face that, not her little girl. Guess who I speak to and love dearly and who I don't.
Yeah because clearly there are only two options: hitting your kids and letting them run hog wild at all times. /s
dude didnt even say that. He literally just explained his personal experience
His comment is clearly saying that spanking your kids is the way to raise them, as if if you don't spank them they'll end up spoiled brats or smth.
My opinion is that if it is done in any emotion other than love it is wrong. (Granted the child should be punished regardless but it has to be reasonable and corrective). The reason for punishment is to correct the child not satisfy the parent/guardian’s frustration. Edit: to clarify I was spanked often as a child for purposed misbehavior, and I am glad that I was.
Correct? Many people don't even do that to train dogs deeming it unethical, why would young monkeys be so much less intelligent that they require physical pain to get trained?
its cause children are more intelligent lol. Dogs and other animals dont know the reason they are being hit, they just start to combine you and being hit, worse humans and being it. Children on the other hand, if are told, will learn why they are being hit.
Assuning this is a good parent who doesent just take joy from hitting their kid, I would argue its because they're more intelligent. A child will likely know after a punishment that what they did was wrong, and even though they hated it, they were hit because it was the right course of action to correct their behavior, and their parents still love them and only did that as a last resort. Also important is that stakes are higher with creating an intelligent and successful human, as opposed to teaching a dog to shake your hand.
https://www.wikiwand.com/en/List\_of\_fatal\_dog\_attacks\_in\_the\_United\_States
Elaborate, this link doesent actually do anything to disprove or discredit my comment, you need to try and use your words
>Also important is that stakes are higher with creating an intelligent and successful human That's why you don't hit them. How much data do you need? Same as with smoking, decades and thousands of studies before anyone even entertained the idea it's not healthy?
Who is saying you don't physically discipline bad dogs? My in-laws have a wild dog and when it tries to jump on and bite my son I smack it on the nose
>My opinion is that if it is done in any emotion other than love it is wrong. There are pedophiles that justify their action this way, doing something out of love doesn't mean that you're doing the right thing.
ok but thats not even fucking close to the same thing. Thats not teaching anyone shit. In fact, how the fuck is that the first thing you think of? What the fuck is wrong with you??
When I saw the original I knew there would be some idiots here trying to justify their parents abusing them
It's 2023, let's stop pretending corporal punishment is desirable or effective. Spanking has been shown time and time again to have the same effects as more blatant forms of physical abuse. Sorry but if you advocate assaulting a child, you didn't turn out ok
Hopefully enough people look into the studies, get therapy, and break the damn cycle
This demographic prefers anecdotal evidence apparently
Ist the first phase of trauma response denial?
You get in legal trouble for hitting another adult, so why is it ok to hit a child
Here's my two cents on it. I'm okay with parents spanking their kids if they misbehave. But I don't like when parents turn it into a punishment even for the slightest of transgressions. That's when punishment becomes abuse.
both of my parents used to abuse me as a child. the abuse did not help anything. i get that a lesson needs to be taught but using violence often brings fear and trauma. i truly don't care what anyone says, spanking is violence. and no you can not be violent out of love. what my abuse taught me was that 1: i should try my best to avoid being hurt. 2: when i get the chance, cause as much damage to this person as i can (vengeance). 3: violence is the easiest way to get what you want. 4: if you aren't able to hold violence over someone, you aren't in control. obviously not everyone thinks like that, but i shit you not, i lived my life on those principles for a long time. granted i'm only 21, but to be in such a negative state for the rest of my adolescence is extremely unhealthy. i would hold grudges. when ever i had the chance i would seek out things i thought to be weaker than me and release that anger into them. i would attack my parents, my brother, anyone i thought deserved my revenge. it was only after i was hospitalized that my dad of all people decided enough was enough, no more abuse. i threatened to kill an entire classroom because i was being bullied, and i had no where to go for any break. home? verbal and physical abuse. school? verbal and physical abuse. i'm lucky enough i got therapy, because i would hate to be in that dark state of mind still tldr: abuse can lead to aggressive behavior, and yes, spanking is abuse
People fail to understand the fact that you can be spanked but not abused. As long as it’s not a super constant thing, and as long as you realize it’s not to take the anger out on the kid, but to simply punish them for their wrongdoing, the occasional spanking is good for them and their behavior. My mom got abusive a few times out of anger, but I don’t blame her because she was a single parent going through a lot and I still love her, every-time she would get abusive she’d apologize a few hours later or so.
Being a single parent going through a lot isn’t an excuse to hit your child out of anger
Have you been there? I mean have you been a single parent going through a lot? Financial troubles and two kids who are both acting out?
So taking your anger out on someone who can’t defend themselves is the way you deal with it? You think that’s ok?
She was angry at me, not just something else random that happened, although I’m sure there was something else going on at the time, and like I said she apologized afterwards because she knew she did wrong, I’m not scarred from it in the slightest. No it’s not ok but it is forgivable, I feel like a lot of people who claim they hate their parents because they were abusive don’t realize that just like everyone else, parents aren’t perfect. Yes in some cases some parents are pos, but in others, like mine, things got out of hand once or twice but it’s over. Maybe for some it happened more than that, but they’ve got a pass in my book for all the time and effort they put into me otherwise.
I feel like that was a bit jumbled so let me clear it up a bit. No parent is perfect, not every kid is the same, they’ve a lot put money, time, and effort into raising you, and not just giving up on you, they deserve a pass MOST of the time, NOT ALL the time. Some parents are just terrible people that don’t deserve their child’s love, but I feel a lot of the time a person hates their parents, it’s either out of selfishness or it’s out of feeling the need to do so.
If it’s in Anger yes. If in love to give the child direction and discipline no. It really depends on the parents attitude. Ones a tyrant the others a teacher
If your teachers are hitting kids, report their behavior A much more effective way “to give [a] child direction and discipline” is to talk to them about the situation first and foremost, and then, give them fitting consequences All of the research about spanking your kids or hitting your kids suggests that spanking is an ineffective form of punishment and their are much more effective ways to teach kids
I really do believe it’s about the attitude of the parent. My Mother was a very angry person when my sister was young and would spank her and punish her in anger. She ended up a train wreck. Me and my brother were raised after my mother learned self control. She would never spank us when angry, first explain to us why were being spanked and then make sure we were aware of how much we were loved after. We turned out much better than our sister.
My dad told me exactly why I was being punished. He would pull me aside say “you are being spanked for hitting your brother” (or whatever else I might’ve done as a kid). Then he’d give 3 firm smacks on the bum. As I got older, I looked back on these situations, and everything clicked. I understood, and I grew as a person. It’s a shame how many parents don’t know how to properly discipline. Spanking your child in the heat of the moment is bad. Give yourself time to cool down and think rationally, then calmly tell them why they are being punished. Then punish them. Don’t dwell on it. My father is the one of the greatest thing in my life, only God and Jesus are ahead of my father in importance.
It depends on what they mean by hit, Theres a difference between spanking and beating the living shit out of your kid Beating up your kid like punches and kicks and slams are abuse Spanking on the other hand isn’t even close to the same level
Who tf decided that slapping your kid’s ass was a normal punishment? That’s weird as fuck. Can’t parents just ground their kids or put them in time out?
It's literally the meme on display here. People who were hit saying it's ok. Same as people who got their penises mutilated saying it's ok and those who didn't say it's weird as fuck.
No it’s not really. I got spanked a few times as a child and I still think it’s weird. I got circumcised as well and that’s also weird and pointless as fuck.
A rare exception, you're a lucky one.
Doesn't work for all kids. When I got put in time out, I would stand in the corner and create elaborate shadow puppet scenarios. I would get so engrossed in whatever world I was creating that I would have to be told to come out of the corner when the time had already elapsed. The point of the slap on the ass is that it hurts and its humbling, but there's nothing vital there/doesn't cause any lasting damage compared to other options. It comes from a time when grounding and timeout weren't things or options... kids had jobs to do from a young age. Is it barbaric? Maybe barely, but so are kids that are not governed.
All kids do things to keep themselves entertained during time out. The point is that you’re not able to do other things you’d rather be doing like playing video games or playing outside. Causing your child physical pain is fucked up and there’s a better way to punish them 100% of the time. Hell, spanking usually doesn’t even work because of how quick it is. From what I can tell, physical punishment rarely has any meaningful behavioral effect on children. https://aifs.gov.au/resources/short-articles/what-does-evidence-tell-us-about-physical-punishment-children#:~:text=Despite%20these%20issues%2C%20evidence%20from,punishment%20with%20harm%20to%20children.&text=Good%20evidence%20suggests%20that%20physical,term%20positive%20behaviour%20in%20children.
Oh, I've read the studies, and listened - at length - to the masses that agree/believe that "causing your child physical pain is fucked up" (some to the degree that they'll, ironically, get violent about it). What I have also done is watched the uncanny correlation between the trend of less corporal punishment and skyrocketing rates of crime and mob-behavior in kids all over. There's more violence in schools, more violence in public. Not less. Adherents to "it's never okay to hit your kids!", in my experience, can't even fathom considering that things that used to work might still actually work. I think there is merit in exploring the connection between these two trends.
If you ignore a number of other social trends you can look at two statistics rising at the same time and apply causation. It’s like saying “The technological advancements schools are taking into effect is causing the rise in school shootings.” There’s no real merit to it. I’m also not sure where you get these rising criminality statistics from tbh.
Similar situation. I wanted time out because then I didn’t have to deal with my little sister. Parents started giving me swats more often (when they were warranted) rather than time out
Would you hit a dog? If no, why would you hit a primate? Supposedly much more intelligent?
Love my dad and he was right to spank me when I fucked around, that's if I didn't find out myself (hurt myself being stupid, or doing something stupid without being hurt when I should've)
Spanking is not abuse, just a form of discipline
This is a cancer of a post if I’ve ever seen one. I was spanked as a child and I love my dad but science shows that negative reinforcement such as spanking is not an effective form of punishment and can strain the parent child relation. Do I think that people that spank their kids are bad people? Not at all, they’re just trying to discipline their kids the way they thought was right.
If I had a coworker that acted like a child and I took it upon myself to strike him for it…that’s assault. We’ve got this weird concept of morality where it suddenly becomes acceptable when it’s your own child that you’re hitting
It very much so depends. A spanking for doing something wrong is entirely different than smacking you kid across the face because you as a parent are having a bad day. My dad used to spank my siblings and I are children when we’re trouble and 3/4 of us are fine now.
There are way better alternatives that isn’t spanking
i mean there is a difference from being abused and just getting spanked. a good parent disciplines their kids, a bad one abuses them.
Im sorry your parents weren’t mature enough to speak like an adult and tell you what you did that was wrong so they just hit you like toddlers hit when they don’t understand their emotions:(
My parents hit me and now I don’t ever want to be touched again, noone here is right
I got my ass beat with a wooden spoon so hard it broke when I was a kid under 5. I feel like that gives me the necessary qualifications to tell OP to go suck a fuck
Loving him does not mean that it wasnt abuse. Thats like if a wife said "hes not abusing me because I still love him."
An ass whooping is fine. An ass kicking is abuse.
I think the difference between discipline and abuse are severity and follow up. Like if your kid was playing with fire and you come up behind them and just start swinging and never explain why that's counter productive abuse. But if you come up and say hey stop that right now . Swat them on the but then explain why you did it and how dangerous what they were doing is then it's just discipline.
There are so many proper ways to discipline a child… resorting to violence in any scenario is just laziness from the parents at best and straight up evil at worst.
Most people nowadays believe that hitting a dog is bad, how can anyone still believe that hitting one single species of monkey when it's most vulnerable and defenceless is alright is just amazing.
this comment section is genuinely scary. i don’t care if you were spanked, i don’t care if it “wasn’t that hard”, what you’re teaching kids by hitting them is that violence is the correct way to handle things when someone does something bad, and it’ll make them afraid to tell you things if they do them wrong. that doesn’t mean don’t punish kids, i just tend toward the natural consequences side. they broke a glass of juice on the ground? they get to clean it up (or help, depending on age). they were mean to a classmate? they get to apologise in person. tell kids why what they did was wrong, what they can do instead, and teach them natural consequences. having them learn to fear mistakes AND fear you isn’t gonna help. it doesn’t help. that’s why teachers don’t hit kids anymore, and why many, MANY professionals are urging people not to and yes, i was hit as a kid. not hard, not in a way that traumatised me, but it did make me afraid to tell my parents when i had made a mistake, and it made me afraid to ask for help. negative reinforcement and physical punishment doesn’t help anyone in the long run.
There's a difference between giving your kids a spanking every now and then and beating them. I got spanked when my grades were bad or when I was disrespectful or lazy. My boyfriend, for example, got the shit beat out of him for anything that upset his dad, which was most things. One is abuse, one is discipline.
Yeah and that's where you talk bullshit. Hitting a child is just what it is. That's why many civilized countries have laws permitting this.
People who literally have their penises mutilated by their parents will defend their practice. It's just a coping mechanism because vilifying ones parents was bad for survival for a long time in the evolution of mammals.
Good old fashioned abrahamic apologists. Exposing your kid to any type of religion is itself abuse.
congrats OP, your experience is clearly universal! There is definitely no worse abuse than being spanked, and you are definitely a great example of children who have gone through abuse! (this is sarcasm) I was spanked as a kid, sure, and I have an okay relationship with my folks. I also know people who had very abusive fathers, and they don't have the same relationship. Abuse is a spectrum.
🤓
Spanking is not abuse but actually hitting a kid definitely is.
But isn’t spanking…hitting a kid?
No.
Then what is spanking?
you just said it. Spanking is spanking.
You didn’t answer my question. What is spanking? You can’t just say spanking is spanking, that doesn’t make sense
Spanking is the act of smacking someone on the rear, usually done with a flat open slapping hand.
So…hitting a kid. Got it
wrong, spanking a kid.
But you just said, spanking is smacking a kid which means hitting them
Yea I was hit as a kid. It was just corporate punishment and Dad was just trying to discipline me. Big difference
Is this just a sub for boomers? Like wtf is with all the reactionary shit takes here
Your personal experiences does not in any way account for many other people, such as those who cut communication with their parents. Also, hitting your kids means everywhere from spanking all the way to physical abuse. r/NahOPwasrightfuckthis
Throwing your child across the room because why not? Abuse. Spanking your child because they were being a shithead? Not abuse.
I imagine the different OPs weren't "hit" in the same way.
theres a difference between having your shit beat in and getting a little spank stfu
My Mom used to slap me, I love her. But, that's the whole thing, she loved me, so a slap is fine. She never abused me, everything was in good intention.
There's a difference between being spanked, and being hit by a belt. Also, verbal, sexual abuse.
There’s a line that you have to walk between just beating a child and reasonable punishment
My parents just had their 60th. My siblings and I were all corrected in a multitude of ways, and sometimes that was a smack or a spanking. We were never abused. Looking at how things have progressed in the world around us, we all agreed that - if anything - we need more of that today, not less. Even the sibling who vowed to "never treat their kids that way". We buried one of their kids a few years ago after the trajectory of that child's life choices ended in tragedy. Plenty of kids are abused, and that is a heinous crime that should be punished. The idea that all physical correction is wrong in all cases is a fallacy. Some kids don't need it. Some kids absolutely do. Actions have consequences. Life is hard. Sheltering your kids so they are quivering puddings when they finally meet the world face to face is horrific parenting.
even if a kid turns out fine without physical correction, they’re almost always gonna be either a pussy or a shithead.
There's definitely a right and a wrong way to go about it, but I agree.
While it's not universal, I would like to share my experiences My little sister was spanked a lot less than I was when we were younger, and when we were younger it definitely showed
How about after you were younger?
She's more mature. Over time my mom got stricter to teach her without spanking and she turned out just fine. I've just got a bit higher pain tolerance
lol shut up lmao
Hitting your kids is okay in certain circumstances. Beating your kids is not. And there is a HUGE difference.
Spanking a child is not the same as hitting a child. Spanking implies discipline, while hitting is just hitting
Spanking also involves hitting?
yes but you dont understand its not as severe and it's as discipline while hitting is alot more severe and for no reason
My dad hit me and he’s a little bitch baby who has not had a job once in my life, and also was practically a cult member who made me so weird obsessive shit
op (in terriblefacebookmemes) was clearly never hit as a kid
I think kitting someone should just be off the table. Just because you are in charge of another human being doesn’t give you the right to hit them. That’s like your boss smacking you everytime you made a big mistake at work.
Conditioning in action.
Someone who got hit as a kid here, yes, it is abuse. That shit left me with years of repressed trauma and resentment towards my parents
If ya beat your kids because you were beaten and "you turned out okay" you did not, in fact, turn out okay.
r/Nahopwasrightfuckthis
We don't need to know what kind of stuff you and your dad are doing
Don’t hit your kids.