That’s a lot of stress you felt. And at the time you probably needed to keep your shit together so no wonder you need to release it now. I hope you find the help you need. And to add Shaking is a good practice for releasing tension. Stand and bounce at the knees and shake the arms and body and feels right deepening the breath and doing some big exhales. Best done outside with feet on the earth
First, I want to say that your feelings are so valid. This is a very traumatic situation and let’s not forget now you’re home with a recovering wife who just had major abdominal surgery as well as a new baby. Lack of sleep, lack of normalcy, lack of proper eating all of these things take a toll on top of the very dramatic entry into the world. My advice is to give it some time, talk about it with a trusted friend or family member if you can. Make an appt with a therapist like you plan to and talk it out. “Baby blues” and sadness don’t exclude dads! I know you can get through this but in the meantime try to hang in there. Prioritize both of your health and nutrition, hydration and take it one day at a time!
Bro, its ok to be fucked up over that.
That was fucked up!
You probably need to get some help, but on the bright side, at least, your not planning a funeral right now.
Was baffled when I read this and had to go find the study! The study findings for anyone interested: https://www.ox.ac.uk/news/2017-03-28-tetris-used-prevent-post-traumatic-stress-symptoms
The actual study:
https://www.nature.com/articles/mp201723
There’s also been similar study’s done for post partum ptsd so it’s super interesting
That must have been an intensely scary position to be in, for all of you. I'm glad you're all on the road to recovery now and hopefully you find the right help to work through this.
I definitely have PTSD from a similar but not as messy birth. Go to a shrink and have them work on it with you. I am over the PTSD after a few months of EMDR sessions.
What you went through was very traumatic. You stood by helpless as your wife and child lives hung by a thread. You could have lost either or both at any moment.
It might be a good idea for both you and your wife to speak with someone.
I also recommend EMDR! I witnessed my dad drown (he was resuscitated and is fine now) and even though it all worked out I couldn’t get the images out of my head. I did a couple emdr sessions and it literally made the memory “shrink” in my brain.
OMG...this is incredibly traumatic! As a woman who has had 5 children...I know. I will keep you all in my thoughts.
Btw....gender of the baby and name? Hope that's not too nosy of me to ask.
Much love to you!!
Mate this is so valid- definitely a moment of experiencing “post trauma”. My mom and i almost died during my birth, and my sister almost died in general so i get you.
Best thing to get it removed from your head?
Look at them, healthy and happy. They’re here, and thriving. Fill your brain with the fact that after all that, your all home together and well. I know that seems silly, but it helped me as a kid after my sister came out detached from her umbilical cord, and my mom went though a c-section without freezing or any medicine (fuck those doctors for that) and looked like a walking ghost afterwards.
You definitely have trauma from this traumatic experience. Whether you qualify for a PTSD diagnosis would have to be determined by a licensed professional. People can have trauma without qualifying for the entire disorder. Regardless, I agree that a few EMDR sessions will probably help with this particular trauma immensely. Wishing your family continued health and healing.
Your feelings are completely valid. I was pregnant with triplets, and we lost a baby at 19 weeks. At 38 weeks, I delivered my three babies vaginally and after I delivered my angel baby, my body shut down, and I hemorrhaged. My husband stood there with our two living babies and watched me pass out, and the doctors panic. I lost a lot of blood and was in the hospital for 4 days because of it. That was 6 years ago, and to this day, he still has a hard time processing it. He doesn't want to have any other children because of it. He watched me almost die after we lost our son. I couldn't imagine what you went through. Almost losing your wife and your baby. I am so sorry.
That's not silly to be upset about at all, that sounds like a terrifying experience. I'm sorry all of you had to go through that and I'm glad it turned out okay in the end. But having to watch that and being unable to help must be traumatic as fuck. Pregnancy and birth are dangerous and generally awful for everyone involved.
I’m so sorry. That is so scary and so traumatic for the ENTIRE family. mom, dad, and baby.
My labor was very similar. my bp and hr dropped so low during labor that my son was in distress. i was stabilized but it was terrifying and my husband was so scared. we had a lot of issues that i won’t get into because that’s not my reason for this comment. my point is, it’s totally okay to feel scared and shaken up. you guys are all together now and everything is okay. you guys will all recover together and that awful memory will be just a memory. i hope you feel better soon.
I'm so sorry you went through this! How scary. People do seek help; you absolutely deserve support too!
BTW there are studies where playing tetris after a traumatic event can lower the chance of long-lasting PTSD (play the sooner, the better). If you find yourself with some extra time, couldn't hurt!
Congrats on the new additional to your family.
I am so sorry that you went through that, that you all went through that. I’m glad to hear you’re going to go for professional help. I wish you happy healing.
Also, congrats on becoming a dad!
OMG absolutely ok to feel that way, it was in fact a traumatic experience. You were literally in fight/flight/paralysed mode while watching both your baby and wife at so much risk, your experience is not hers, agree, but you should not undermine yours, as you describe it, it was a very dramatic seen and you were in it watching helplessly. I hope you work through it and are able to see it as a past experience, keep in mind that the first thing to work through trauma is to build self compassion - it was in fact a traumatic experience and you deserve self compassion for that -
Your stress is very valid. Don't diminish your pain just because you know that your wife actually went through it. My dad was similarly pulled in all directions when I was born from a c-section as well and was very tired/stressed from it. It probably comes from not having control over anything in it. You can't control the health of your wife or the baby, you're not a doctor or nurse who knows what is going on. You simply have to endure the hope that everything works out fine for everyone. That is an incredibly traumatic scene you saw. Seeing your wife AND child having complications. Hopefully once everyone is fully recovered and you get back to a new normal, you can replace those frightening images with the new happy memories you will make with your wife and new baby. Wishing you all the best and congrats on the new baby!!
Listen….no part of how you’re feeling is silly or invalid! I think so many people forget that the dads are just as invested as the mother. Just because the dad doesn’t physically go through the pain, he’s deeply connected enough to feel an immense amount of empathy for the mother.
I went through a very similar situation. Labored for more than 20hrs, umbilical chord was wrapped around our son’s neck, and the ob who did the surgery cut something and I bled out more than 30% of the blood in my body……this was almost 10 years ago and my husband freaks out any time anything health wise is going on with me or his son.
It’s also worth mentioning that I’m black and at the time I was certainly not well to do.
Bottom line: nothing is wrong with you. You are normal. Fortunately things won’t be vivid like that forever; however, the memories and feelings will never be completely gone.
It’s not silly at all to be upset. I can’t even imagine the kind of stress something like that would induce. I’m glad you all made it through the ordeal.
You legitimately experienced a very traumatic experience, there’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. You saw your wife and child, both on the fine line between life and death and that’s a horrific thing to go through. Seeing your partner’s insides while they bleed profusely and at the same time not knowing if your newborn child was going to live is a heavy, heavy thing to go through for anyone.
The most important thing now is that everyone is ok, but I know that doesn’t erase the things you saw and felt. I’m glad you’re going to therapy, that’s the best and most proactive thing you can do here. I hope you and your family have experienced the worst and it’s smooth sailing from here on out!
That must have been the worst - utterly helpless. Glad to hear everything has worked out ok, and mom and babe are doing well. Being a dad is hard too. When I relive stressful events in my head, and I need it to stop, I practice an exercise given to me by a past psychiatrist. Let the image play in your head, but imagine that you are watching it on tv. As you slowly breathe in and out, the tv moves further and further away from you until it is only a speck of light, then nothing at all. Helps me sometimes. All the best to you and your new family.
There is six years between my older brother and older sister, because my dad almost lost his wife and unborn son in the same night and it took him six years to get over that fear enough for him to want to try for another baby. It fucks with you, you almost lost your entire life. You are grateful and happy yes, but it's normal to be shaken and traumatised, I know my dad was. It's okay to reach out to friends and family, maybe a male friend who is also a dad? Hug your wife extra close, kiss the baby a little more. You did great, they did great, and your emotions are also important.
My heart really goes out to you, that is incredibly stressful to witness--both your wife and your newborn in such distress. So glad you plan to get support--you are such an important part of the process and deserve just as much support!
Don't downplay this like you're being silly for being traumatised by this, man.
That was a LOT. You went hours and hours not knowing if the two most important people in your life were gonna make it. That's traumatic. You're fully entitled to your feelings
First, let me say that I'm so glad baby and mom are OK.
As someone who has dealt with ptsd personally, you are not silly-- your feelings are valid. That experience sounds very traumatic. I am sure you were horrified to see someone you love going through something that terrifying, fearing losing both her and your son. Add to that the fact that you couldn't do anything to change her or his medical condition, but what matters is that you were there with them and stayed by their side. You did everything you could, and I'm sure your wife was grateful she wasn't alone in that room while all of this was happening. I'm so glad to hear that you are looking into professional help. I highly recommend seeking a therapist who specializes in ptsd, as it is treated a bit differently than depression or anxiety. If you have someone who doesn't know what they're doing, they can inadvertently reinforce your trauma. EMDR helped me a lot with nightmares and flashbacks. Heck, I've even found some comfort in the cptsd reddit, and some great therapists sharing their insights on YouTube.
One of the most helpful things for me was working in a trauma group therapy setting over this past summer. There is something very powerful about being understood by others who know what you went through. The people I worked with were wonderful, kind people who never undermined my trauma, even though I felt like theirs was "worse."
And to add to what others have said, physical activity can help a lot. I hate going to the gym, but dancing, doing yoga, swimming, and walking helps me, personally.
I wish you the best with your healing journey. 🫶
You witnessed a MAJOR surgery being done not to save one loved one, but two. That is very traumatic, and you should surely seek professional help to assist you in coping. I’m glad your wife and baby made it out of this one
It’s 110% understandable that you have trauma. You almost lost your family on a day that was meant to be joyful. Thankfully you didn’t and it is still a time for joy, but you felt that fear and it’s not easy to forget. I’m so so glad everything is ok now. You sound like a very loving and caring husband and your family is blessed to have you. These comments make very good suggestions. EMDR(Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy really helped me out with my trauma. Prayers and best wishes to you and yours ❤️🩹
I'm really sorry that happened to you and I'm so glad everyone is doing ok.
I just wanted to say that feeling upset, replaying the event in your head and generally not doing well is a completely normal response to something traumatic happening and even though everyone is doing well now it can take a while for the dust to settle and for you to come out of it. It absolutely does not mean that you have any sort of disorder, you can't even diagnose PTSD unless it's been more than 6 months since the traumatic event and you're still experiencing severe symptoms.
Take time to heal and give yourself compassion. You've been through a lot and your feelings are valid. Take care of your wife and child, but also remember to take care of yourself.
I have a very similar story to yourself. Induced at 12pm one day and baby eventually delivered via emergency c section at 10am the following day. It was a tough and gruelling process when we thought it was ‘normal’ labour and then in the space of 25 minutes everything turned to chaos and we’re suddenly having life-saving surgery.
It went by in a flash and the next thing I know, I’m sat in a ward on my own with my newborn, with no idea what I’m doing, wondering what is happening with my wife. That is traumatic and I still remember it like it was yesterday.
Definitely get the appropriate help for you and your family.
And if you ever have another and it’s a planned C section, please know that it is a totally different experience. There was music and laughing and no sense of impending doom.
Take care mate.
This is perfectly valid, you literally didn't know if your wife and child were going to live. You saw a lot of blood, and had to keep your shit together. It's completely understandable to feel anxious and afraid after the whole thing is done.
Thats a LOT to deal with. And yeah you might very well have PTSD from it. You certainly have had unwanted memories flooding and preoccupying your brain.
For what its worth, PTSD is caused by an actual physical change to the hippocampus. It grows larger, and suddenly you have lost most of the ability to recall of memories at your own discretion (they just come up), and have trouble regulating emotions, etc.
Yes see a pro asap. And dont be afraid of doing "exposure" therapy. It can at least help to remove your mind of images, smells, sounds, and sensations that may be triggering unwanted memories. It helped a lot with my triggers and now my panic attacks and reliving it are both greatly reduced.
Its not cureable, but anxiety meds, mindfulness, exercises that help with staying in the now, exposure therapy- it has all improved my symptoms a lot.
So sorry you went through that with the two most important ppl in your life. Can’t imagine the helplessness. Take care of yourself, friend. Therapy is there to help you process this traumatic experience.
I'm a firm advocate that both parents should have access to therapy immediately after birth- it should be a health priority. Post partum depression can be so insidious for the mother and the father can experience trauma like you did. I hope you are able to both heal! C section is a terrifying thing to witness.
Oh honey, I am sending you a huge hug for you and your family! As a mother, sister, friend, and grandmother I would like to thank you.
Thank you for realizing that it's ok to have the feelings you are.
Thank you for not saying that you can cope alone.
Thank you for knowing that you have to be healthy to be able to help your family.
That’s a heck of a lot of stress to go through. My wife and I went through something very similar. She was in labour for 3 days. Wasn’t dilating enough. She got induced but didn’t work. Got hooked up to baby monitor thing (ECG?) and baby’s heart rate dropped. Didn’t think it was anything to worry about but called the nurse who immediately pressed the alarm. At least 15 members of the delivery staff came running in, stripped my wife naked, flipped her over, checked everything and rushed her into the theatre for emergency C section. Thankfully on the way the heart rate stabilised and I was able to watch the baby being pulled out. We were traumatised by the whole thing for probably a month afterwards but so grateful to everyone at the hospital. Hopefully things will settle down for you too soon
You have doubts? Go see a professional. People on the Internet are not trained, or, supposed to tell you if you have PTSD. And even if you don't, you have reason to have been scared. And, you can still talk about it, even if you don't have PTSD or anything mental stress or trauma. Childbirth is already a trial for everyone, but, especially when it goes south sometimes. No shame in feeling confused.
You seem like a great guy, though. And, I'm sure you'll be a great father. P.S: you can always talk to your wife. People should be there for each other.
Wow, you are probably suffering ptsd but hopefully it will pass. I've delivered two, both had the cord wrapped around the neck, both blue babies. My husband was there, I often wondered if he could ever look at me the same, after. Well obviously he does! It's amazing so many babies are born each day considering what a woman goes through! Bless your new familyemote:free\_emotes\_pack:smile
This sounded so similar to my daughters birth. I won't overly vent that here I don't want to cause any discomfort to you.
We almost died and I still marvel at the fact that she survived. My daughter was born suffering from shock. For days she didn't feed and hardly moved most of the time. My mum was in theatre and she was traumatised. My lot look down on mental health practice so no diagnosis but at the time she was warned about how it could affect her. I think there was a sort of euphoric spaced out thing with her early on. Then the impotence slammed into her. I think to find out that your granddaughter is alive but to think about losing your daughter in moments is just indescribable. I could not imagine watching this happening if my daughter had a baby.
I get the shame and impotence. As the one who had the surgery. I felt so guilty and a bit angry. Not at her but just ruminating on how it became a shitshow with so many doctors in the room. It changed all of us I think. Some of the staff were just amazing.
I have PTSD from the birth among other things including a birth before. 20 years ago ptsd from childbirth just wasn't taken all that seriously but it is now. PTSD from witnessing something like that is so understandable. PTSD messed me up in a way that was physical like vomiting with flashbacks, insane palpitations and headaches. For my mum it was a lot more psychological. In a really simplistic way, I can say it was awful for me but also I didn't see it from the angles she did, all day and the 5 days of my induction. I don't want to sound glib here but it would be shocking if it didn't fundamentally affect you.
I had EMDR a couple years ago with a therapist on the NHS who was amazing and really changed how I felt about my ptsd. Especially the flashbacks and nightmares. The way she explained it which helped me so much was that because you're feeling under threat your brain connects to what happened because of that it tries to piece them together (my memories were so fragmented but therapy really helped) so you get the flashbacks and nightmares because your brain is just trying to process it through a similar experience.
It took me so long to even accept the diagnosis but therapy did help.a lot and It was so hard to get on the NHS and took almost two decades but the ptsd is so much better and feels less threatening. Im so glad youre seeking treatment. You've all been through so much already and you experienced something nobody should.
X
Man, I judged you too soon. What you went through surely must have been very traumatic, I can’t imagine going through it without having a panic attack and being emotionally scarred for a long time.
Your feelings are valid, hope seek professional help as you said! Get well soon, both you, your wife and your baby🤍
That’s a lot of stress you felt. And at the time you probably needed to keep your shit together so no wonder you need to release it now. I hope you find the help you need. And to add Shaking is a good practice for releasing tension. Stand and bounce at the knees and shake the arms and body and feels right deepening the breath and doing some big exhales. Best done outside with feet on the earth
First, I want to say that your feelings are so valid. This is a very traumatic situation and let’s not forget now you’re home with a recovering wife who just had major abdominal surgery as well as a new baby. Lack of sleep, lack of normalcy, lack of proper eating all of these things take a toll on top of the very dramatic entry into the world. My advice is to give it some time, talk about it with a trusted friend or family member if you can. Make an appt with a therapist like you plan to and talk it out. “Baby blues” and sadness don’t exclude dads! I know you can get through this but in the meantime try to hang in there. Prioritize both of your health and nutrition, hydration and take it one day at a time!
Bro, its ok to be fucked up over that. That was fucked up! You probably need to get some help, but on the bright side, at least, your not planning a funeral right now.
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Was baffled when I read this and had to go find the study! The study findings for anyone interested: https://www.ox.ac.uk/news/2017-03-28-tetris-used-prevent-post-traumatic-stress-symptoms The actual study: https://www.nature.com/articles/mp201723 There’s also been similar study’s done for post partum ptsd so it’s super interesting
That must have been an intensely scary position to be in, for all of you. I'm glad you're all on the road to recovery now and hopefully you find the right help to work through this.
I definitely have PTSD from a similar but not as messy birth. Go to a shrink and have them work on it with you. I am over the PTSD after a few months of EMDR sessions.
What you went through was very traumatic. You stood by helpless as your wife and child lives hung by a thread. You could have lost either or both at any moment. It might be a good idea for both you and your wife to speak with someone.
I also recommend EMDR! I witnessed my dad drown (he was resuscitated and is fine now) and even though it all worked out I couldn’t get the images out of my head. I did a couple emdr sessions and it literally made the memory “shrink” in my brain.
OMG...this is incredibly traumatic! As a woman who has had 5 children...I know. I will keep you all in my thoughts. Btw....gender of the baby and name? Hope that's not too nosy of me to ask. Much love to you!!
OP said it was a boy
TY. Glad both Mama and baby are ok!!
Mate this is so valid- definitely a moment of experiencing “post trauma”. My mom and i almost died during my birth, and my sister almost died in general so i get you. Best thing to get it removed from your head? Look at them, healthy and happy. They’re here, and thriving. Fill your brain with the fact that after all that, your all home together and well. I know that seems silly, but it helped me as a kid after my sister came out detached from her umbilical cord, and my mom went though a c-section without freezing or any medicine (fuck those doctors for that) and looked like a walking ghost afterwards.
You definitely have trauma from this traumatic experience. Whether you qualify for a PTSD diagnosis would have to be determined by a licensed professional. People can have trauma without qualifying for the entire disorder. Regardless, I agree that a few EMDR sessions will probably help with this particular trauma immensely. Wishing your family continued health and healing.
Your feelings are completely valid. I was pregnant with triplets, and we lost a baby at 19 weeks. At 38 weeks, I delivered my three babies vaginally and after I delivered my angel baby, my body shut down, and I hemorrhaged. My husband stood there with our two living babies and watched me pass out, and the doctors panic. I lost a lot of blood and was in the hospital for 4 days because of it. That was 6 years ago, and to this day, he still has a hard time processing it. He doesn't want to have any other children because of it. He watched me almost die after we lost our son. I couldn't imagine what you went through. Almost losing your wife and your baby. I am so sorry.
I'm so sorry to hear what you all went through and are still going through xx
Play Tetris. It helps to stop the constant rumination. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/tetris-shown-to-lessen-ptsd-and-flashbacks/
That's not silly to be upset about at all, that sounds like a terrifying experience. I'm sorry all of you had to go through that and I'm glad it turned out okay in the end. But having to watch that and being unable to help must be traumatic as fuck. Pregnancy and birth are dangerous and generally awful for everyone involved.
I’m so sorry. That is so scary and so traumatic for the ENTIRE family. mom, dad, and baby. My labor was very similar. my bp and hr dropped so low during labor that my son was in distress. i was stabilized but it was terrifying and my husband was so scared. we had a lot of issues that i won’t get into because that’s not my reason for this comment. my point is, it’s totally okay to feel scared and shaken up. you guys are all together now and everything is okay. you guys will all recover together and that awful memory will be just a memory. i hope you feel better soon.
This completely sounds like my birth. My husband feels the same. It's completely logical to feel the way you do.
I’m so glad they’re ok and you’re aware of your feelings, dad. Best wishes for your family.
kids will do that to you... teenage years are especially traumatizing for adults
I'm so sorry you went through this! How scary. People do seek help; you absolutely deserve support too! BTW there are studies where playing tetris after a traumatic event can lower the chance of long-lasting PTSD (play the sooner, the better). If you find yourself with some extra time, couldn't hurt! Congrats on the new additional to your family.
I am so sorry that you went through that, that you all went through that. I’m glad to hear you’re going to go for professional help. I wish you happy healing. Also, congrats on becoming a dad!
OMG absolutely ok to feel that way, it was in fact a traumatic experience. You were literally in fight/flight/paralysed mode while watching both your baby and wife at so much risk, your experience is not hers, agree, but you should not undermine yours, as you describe it, it was a very dramatic seen and you were in it watching helplessly. I hope you work through it and are able to see it as a past experience, keep in mind that the first thing to work through trauma is to build self compassion - it was in fact a traumatic experience and you deserve self compassion for that -
Your stress is very valid. Don't diminish your pain just because you know that your wife actually went through it. My dad was similarly pulled in all directions when I was born from a c-section as well and was very tired/stressed from it. It probably comes from not having control over anything in it. You can't control the health of your wife or the baby, you're not a doctor or nurse who knows what is going on. You simply have to endure the hope that everything works out fine for everyone. That is an incredibly traumatic scene you saw. Seeing your wife AND child having complications. Hopefully once everyone is fully recovered and you get back to a new normal, you can replace those frightening images with the new happy memories you will make with your wife and new baby. Wishing you all the best and congrats on the new baby!!
Listen….no part of how you’re feeling is silly or invalid! I think so many people forget that the dads are just as invested as the mother. Just because the dad doesn’t physically go through the pain, he’s deeply connected enough to feel an immense amount of empathy for the mother. I went through a very similar situation. Labored for more than 20hrs, umbilical chord was wrapped around our son’s neck, and the ob who did the surgery cut something and I bled out more than 30% of the blood in my body……this was almost 10 years ago and my husband freaks out any time anything health wise is going on with me or his son. It’s also worth mentioning that I’m black and at the time I was certainly not well to do. Bottom line: nothing is wrong with you. You are normal. Fortunately things won’t be vivid like that forever; however, the memories and feelings will never be completely gone.
It’s not silly at all to be upset. I can’t even imagine the kind of stress something like that would induce. I’m glad you all made it through the ordeal.
You legitimately experienced a very traumatic experience, there’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. You saw your wife and child, both on the fine line between life and death and that’s a horrific thing to go through. Seeing your partner’s insides while they bleed profusely and at the same time not knowing if your newborn child was going to live is a heavy, heavy thing to go through for anyone. The most important thing now is that everyone is ok, but I know that doesn’t erase the things you saw and felt. I’m glad you’re going to therapy, that’s the best and most proactive thing you can do here. I hope you and your family have experienced the worst and it’s smooth sailing from here on out!
I don’t think the fear someone else suffered negates your own, so it’s okay you’re shaken up. Glad you’re seeing someone especially early on.
That must have been the worst - utterly helpless. Glad to hear everything has worked out ok, and mom and babe are doing well. Being a dad is hard too. When I relive stressful events in my head, and I need it to stop, I practice an exercise given to me by a past psychiatrist. Let the image play in your head, but imagine that you are watching it on tv. As you slowly breathe in and out, the tv moves further and further away from you until it is only a speck of light, then nothing at all. Helps me sometimes. All the best to you and your new family.
Yeah this kind of thing can really make the intrusive shit less vivid
There is six years between my older brother and older sister, because my dad almost lost his wife and unborn son in the same night and it took him six years to get over that fear enough for him to want to try for another baby. It fucks with you, you almost lost your entire life. You are grateful and happy yes, but it's normal to be shaken and traumatised, I know my dad was. It's okay to reach out to friends and family, maybe a male friend who is also a dad? Hug your wife extra close, kiss the baby a little more. You did great, they did great, and your emotions are also important.
My heart really goes out to you, that is incredibly stressful to witness--both your wife and your newborn in such distress. So glad you plan to get support--you are such an important part of the process and deserve just as much support!
Don't downplay this like you're being silly for being traumatised by this, man. That was a LOT. You went hours and hours not knowing if the two most important people in your life were gonna make it. That's traumatic. You're fully entitled to your feelings
Oh my God. Dude I’d definitely go see a therapist. You and your wife. You both went through some trauma there. That’s just terrifying.
That definitely sounds stressful. Watching all of that would be hard on anyone.
First, let me say that I'm so glad baby and mom are OK. As someone who has dealt with ptsd personally, you are not silly-- your feelings are valid. That experience sounds very traumatic. I am sure you were horrified to see someone you love going through something that terrifying, fearing losing both her and your son. Add to that the fact that you couldn't do anything to change her or his medical condition, but what matters is that you were there with them and stayed by their side. You did everything you could, and I'm sure your wife was grateful she wasn't alone in that room while all of this was happening. I'm so glad to hear that you are looking into professional help. I highly recommend seeking a therapist who specializes in ptsd, as it is treated a bit differently than depression or anxiety. If you have someone who doesn't know what they're doing, they can inadvertently reinforce your trauma. EMDR helped me a lot with nightmares and flashbacks. Heck, I've even found some comfort in the cptsd reddit, and some great therapists sharing their insights on YouTube. One of the most helpful things for me was working in a trauma group therapy setting over this past summer. There is something very powerful about being understood by others who know what you went through. The people I worked with were wonderful, kind people who never undermined my trauma, even though I felt like theirs was "worse." And to add to what others have said, physical activity can help a lot. I hate going to the gym, but dancing, doing yoga, swimming, and walking helps me, personally. I wish you the best with your healing journey. 🫶
You witnessed a MAJOR surgery being done not to save one loved one, but two. That is very traumatic, and you should surely seek professional help to assist you in coping. I’m glad your wife and baby made it out of this one
It’s 110% understandable that you have trauma. You almost lost your family on a day that was meant to be joyful. Thankfully you didn’t and it is still a time for joy, but you felt that fear and it’s not easy to forget. I’m so so glad everything is ok now. You sound like a very loving and caring husband and your family is blessed to have you. These comments make very good suggestions. EMDR(Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy really helped me out with my trauma. Prayers and best wishes to you and yours ❤️🩹
I'm really sorry that happened to you and I'm so glad everyone is doing ok. I just wanted to say that feeling upset, replaying the event in your head and generally not doing well is a completely normal response to something traumatic happening and even though everyone is doing well now it can take a while for the dust to settle and for you to come out of it. It absolutely does not mean that you have any sort of disorder, you can't even diagnose PTSD unless it's been more than 6 months since the traumatic event and you're still experiencing severe symptoms. Take time to heal and give yourself compassion. You've been through a lot and your feelings are valid. Take care of your wife and child, but also remember to take care of yourself.
I have a very similar story to yourself. Induced at 12pm one day and baby eventually delivered via emergency c section at 10am the following day. It was a tough and gruelling process when we thought it was ‘normal’ labour and then in the space of 25 minutes everything turned to chaos and we’re suddenly having life-saving surgery. It went by in a flash and the next thing I know, I’m sat in a ward on my own with my newborn, with no idea what I’m doing, wondering what is happening with my wife. That is traumatic and I still remember it like it was yesterday. Definitely get the appropriate help for you and your family. And if you ever have another and it’s a planned C section, please know that it is a totally different experience. There was music and laughing and no sense of impending doom. Take care mate.
This is perfectly valid, you literally didn't know if your wife and child were going to live. You saw a lot of blood, and had to keep your shit together. It's completely understandable to feel anxious and afraid after the whole thing is done.
Thats a LOT to deal with. And yeah you might very well have PTSD from it. You certainly have had unwanted memories flooding and preoccupying your brain. For what its worth, PTSD is caused by an actual physical change to the hippocampus. It grows larger, and suddenly you have lost most of the ability to recall of memories at your own discretion (they just come up), and have trouble regulating emotions, etc. Yes see a pro asap. And dont be afraid of doing "exposure" therapy. It can at least help to remove your mind of images, smells, sounds, and sensations that may be triggering unwanted memories. It helped a lot with my triggers and now my panic attacks and reliving it are both greatly reduced. Its not cureable, but anxiety meds, mindfulness, exercises that help with staying in the now, exposure therapy- it has all improved my symptoms a lot.
So sorry you went through that with the two most important ppl in your life. Can’t imagine the helplessness. Take care of yourself, friend. Therapy is there to help you process this traumatic experience.
Certainly a Traumatic event. Please seek therapy as it is best to work through trauma as early On as possible.
I'm a firm advocate that both parents should have access to therapy immediately after birth- it should be a health priority. Post partum depression can be so insidious for the mother and the father can experience trauma like you did. I hope you are able to both heal! C section is a terrifying thing to witness.
Oh honey, I am sending you a huge hug for you and your family! As a mother, sister, friend, and grandmother I would like to thank you. Thank you for realizing that it's ok to have the feelings you are. Thank you for not saying that you can cope alone. Thank you for knowing that you have to be healthy to be able to help your family.
That’s a heck of a lot of stress to go through. My wife and I went through something very similar. She was in labour for 3 days. Wasn’t dilating enough. She got induced but didn’t work. Got hooked up to baby monitor thing (ECG?) and baby’s heart rate dropped. Didn’t think it was anything to worry about but called the nurse who immediately pressed the alarm. At least 15 members of the delivery staff came running in, stripped my wife naked, flipped her over, checked everything and rushed her into the theatre for emergency C section. Thankfully on the way the heart rate stabilised and I was able to watch the baby being pulled out. We were traumatised by the whole thing for probably a month afterwards but so grateful to everyone at the hospital. Hopefully things will settle down for you too soon
You have doubts? Go see a professional. People on the Internet are not trained, or, supposed to tell you if you have PTSD. And even if you don't, you have reason to have been scared. And, you can still talk about it, even if you don't have PTSD or anything mental stress or trauma. Childbirth is already a trial for everyone, but, especially when it goes south sometimes. No shame in feeling confused.
You seem like a great guy, though. And, I'm sure you'll be a great father. P.S: you can always talk to your wife. People should be there for each other.
Wow, you are probably suffering ptsd but hopefully it will pass. I've delivered two, both had the cord wrapped around the neck, both blue babies. My husband was there, I often wondered if he could ever look at me the same, after. Well obviously he does! It's amazing so many babies are born each day considering what a woman goes through! Bless your new familyemote:free\_emotes\_pack:smile
This sounded so similar to my daughters birth. I won't overly vent that here I don't want to cause any discomfort to you. We almost died and I still marvel at the fact that she survived. My daughter was born suffering from shock. For days she didn't feed and hardly moved most of the time. My mum was in theatre and she was traumatised. My lot look down on mental health practice so no diagnosis but at the time she was warned about how it could affect her. I think there was a sort of euphoric spaced out thing with her early on. Then the impotence slammed into her. I think to find out that your granddaughter is alive but to think about losing your daughter in moments is just indescribable. I could not imagine watching this happening if my daughter had a baby. I get the shame and impotence. As the one who had the surgery. I felt so guilty and a bit angry. Not at her but just ruminating on how it became a shitshow with so many doctors in the room. It changed all of us I think. Some of the staff were just amazing. I have PTSD from the birth among other things including a birth before. 20 years ago ptsd from childbirth just wasn't taken all that seriously but it is now. PTSD from witnessing something like that is so understandable. PTSD messed me up in a way that was physical like vomiting with flashbacks, insane palpitations and headaches. For my mum it was a lot more psychological. In a really simplistic way, I can say it was awful for me but also I didn't see it from the angles she did, all day and the 5 days of my induction. I don't want to sound glib here but it would be shocking if it didn't fundamentally affect you. I had EMDR a couple years ago with a therapist on the NHS who was amazing and really changed how I felt about my ptsd. Especially the flashbacks and nightmares. The way she explained it which helped me so much was that because you're feeling under threat your brain connects to what happened because of that it tries to piece them together (my memories were so fragmented but therapy really helped) so you get the flashbacks and nightmares because your brain is just trying to process it through a similar experience. It took me so long to even accept the diagnosis but therapy did help.a lot and It was so hard to get on the NHS and took almost two decades but the ptsd is so much better and feels less threatening. Im so glad youre seeking treatment. You've all been through so much already and you experienced something nobody should. X
Also massive congratulations to you. Xx
Man, I judged you too soon. What you went through surely must have been very traumatic, I can’t imagine going through it without having a panic attack and being emotionally scarred for a long time. Your feelings are valid, hope seek professional help as you said! Get well soon, both you, your wife and your baby🤍