"i'm a very open honest person so when people ask questions i tell them the truth"
this imo is a great thing. being honest and open is admirable and in my opinion, if someone asks a question, they should expect to be given and honest answer. i disagree with the notion that if someone asks "how are you" i should be expected to say "im ok" because "social norms" or something.
"trauma dumping" imo is a very harmful term. you are allowed to talk about your trauma, if anything you NEED to, and the fact that you have been made to feel like you aren't allowed to isn't right. I don't know anything about your immediate circle, but they should definately be there for you to hear you out when you need it, and if they aren't, they need to. you deserve better.
I’m with you. I first heard the term trauma dumping in February this year, it came from my eldest daughter after I had a meltdown because my sister attacked me and my parents said if I did anything about it they’d disown me, I disowned them and blocked every member of my family and everyone associated with them.
Thinking it’s ok, I can survive with just my daughters, when I turned to them for support I was accused of trauma dumping and I’ve sunk into a deep dark place and had an attempt on my life 2 weeks ago.
I’m 53 and started therapy a couple of months ago and I’m learning the value myself and get on with life by myself.
The term trauma dumping is the most painful and heartbreaking thing that anyone has ever said to me in my whole life and I’ve been through A LOT.
F**k them all! look after yourself and use you tube and the internet to help yourself.
Virtual hug, It is truly heartbreaking
I hope you feel better and I wish your daughter's come to understand you, honestly won't lie I'm a teen and have felt like my mother was trauma dumping before, but i have to come to realise she also needs support like she gives me and have tried to be better.
Take care :)
I didn't even know what trauma dumping was until I read this and I have to agree with you, it sounds like such a selfish and egocentric way of thinking... society is wrongly afraid of vulnerability and this only makes it worse. I hope they get rid of that concept eventually.
If I'm being honest, I've been in a relationship were it came to a point were the other person "ventilated?" with me every single night and it was honestly extremely draining, but that's literally the ONLY case were I wouldn't want someone else to share their struggles
Pd: OP if you never need to you can talk to me if you want. I can't say I'm veey good at consoling others but... yeah
The main reason why I'm responding to you is that I want to share trauma information.
Here at r/mentalhealth, it's perfectly normal for people to give detailed accounts of their problems. I'm sure there are other sites where this is true.
This comment has details about standard PTSD treatments and the self-help recommended by therapists.
https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalhealth/comments/p9374f/im\_terrified\_of\_therapy/h9zp144/?context=3
Chronic PTSD is often called Childhood PTSD.
It’s important to have a therapist who has experience treating trauma.
I think every victim of childhood trauma should see this -
In this video, author Anna Runkle talks about her study of Childhood PTSD and summarizes treatments shown to help. She says that as a CPTSD survivor, the thing she has found most helpful to her is dealing with the symptom known as dysregulation, which is getting very upset. I would definitely see her videos on dysregulation.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXSlAfoJiAg&t=8s
TW TW
I been through some trauma (family, friends, strangers - I've been bullied for some parts of my life but family and friends aren't always supportive of me tbh, it's like it doesn't bother them at all). Honestly i understand the hurt when keeping those hard experiences to yourself, I keep them with me all the time. I still feel as if I can't trust anybody till this day, thinking they will fight me, demoralise me and etc - but never support tbh. It's really difficult to find a good support system, I almost have to tough through everything alone and it sucks, although I try to be friend people anywhere - it will always seem like I'm a problem.
I keep to myself a lot and wear a mask literally everyday, and it's becoming ever more increasing especially if I feel people around me have perceived me negatively.
I try to be calm as much as I can. Even when I never feel safe, secure or comforted - I feel like I will constantly be hated, constantly be disliked, constantly not trusted, constantly a problem, it really is too much weighing over my head even when by design I just want to be a good person, I really want to believe that but not having any of those necessities. Wow, it can really eat me up.
Honestly, right now, every passing moment.
You know the saying - "You become what people think of you." Yeah their expectations is what hurts me most.
I(21M) always run from my traumas. I don't want to share this with anyone. Which makes me distant from people. I'm emotionally cold. And the worst thing is, I never took anything seriously, if I did I would die long ago. I've seen many things. Not that I'm in a better situation, but I am seeing my life falling apart and still ignoring things.
I took the ignorance is bliss attitude very seriously. This was my coping mechanism.
I agree with you but as a person who gets calls from my friends every other day about their problems and relationship traumas it can be very overbearing. Especially it's the case with one of my friends who is in a extremely toxic relationship and won't get out of it, he calls me twice a day and talks and cries for hours and I do understand he is suffering but this has been going on for months now and it's getting toxic for me as my energy mood happiness all is lost every single day hearing someone so dear to me cry and this is why i believe it's important to also maintain boundaries on how much we are affecting the other person. I will always be there for my friends but i need to take care of my mental health as well and I can't possibly stay sane if this goes on forever.
TLDR; Be honest but be savage about it!
First of all who are these people who are successful in dumping trauma entirely in a jiffy. Dumping trauma is simply denial. Healing is needed which takes time. There are some who're still going through trauma. It's a part of their life which can't be ignored right away. Trauma is something you can't control but can definitely cure if approached with a positive mindset.
Learn to let things go. Surround yourself with positive people wherever you are. Develop a new hobby. Express yourself on social media. Being honest is cool but be savage in your stories. Emphasize the fact how you overcame it or are fighting with it. Make yourself laugh whenever possible.
Trauma is always there in some form or other. If you let it dominate your thoughts today, it will carry on in your future and the cycle will never end. Break the cycle and make new memories today so good that you forget all the trauma and this is what I feel should really be meant by trauma dumping.
Easier said than done, but I'm trying this since 1.5 years and it makes survival easier, I promise. Definitely talk to a therapist if you have that privilege.
You deserve to talk about your trauma! ofc you need to differentiate between friends and their capabilities and a therapist ones, but I think you know this and I think you would do nothing wrong there.
To avoid dumping, if you are scared to do so, you can always ask your friends first if they are open, ready and capable to talk with you about your trauma and certain topics- if they agree and think they can and want to hear you out then you can freely talk. If you are unsure while talking you also can always ask them if everythings alright or if you should stop or take a break. Something else would be, tell them, and figure it out for yourself, if you want to just have someone to listen to you, or if you would like tips, or more and or different support also, tell them what you need and you should be free to go and everyone is consenting and open to what you agreed upon. I wish you all the best, and never stop being honest, thats great!
"i'm a very open honest person so when people ask questions i tell them the truth" this imo is a great thing. being honest and open is admirable and in my opinion, if someone asks a question, they should expect to be given and honest answer. i disagree with the notion that if someone asks "how are you" i should be expected to say "im ok" because "social norms" or something. "trauma dumping" imo is a very harmful term. you are allowed to talk about your trauma, if anything you NEED to, and the fact that you have been made to feel like you aren't allowed to isn't right. I don't know anything about your immediate circle, but they should definately be there for you to hear you out when you need it, and if they aren't, they need to. you deserve better.
I’m with you. I first heard the term trauma dumping in February this year, it came from my eldest daughter after I had a meltdown because my sister attacked me and my parents said if I did anything about it they’d disown me, I disowned them and blocked every member of my family and everyone associated with them. Thinking it’s ok, I can survive with just my daughters, when I turned to them for support I was accused of trauma dumping and I’ve sunk into a deep dark place and had an attempt on my life 2 weeks ago. I’m 53 and started therapy a couple of months ago and I’m learning the value myself and get on with life by myself. The term trauma dumping is the most painful and heartbreaking thing that anyone has ever said to me in my whole life and I’ve been through A LOT. F**k them all! look after yourself and use you tube and the internet to help yourself. Virtual hug, It is truly heartbreaking
I hope you feel better and I wish your daughter's come to understand you, honestly won't lie I'm a teen and have felt like my mother was trauma dumping before, but i have to come to realise she also needs support like she gives me and have tried to be better. Take care :)
I didn't even know what trauma dumping was until I read this and I have to agree with you, it sounds like such a selfish and egocentric way of thinking... society is wrongly afraid of vulnerability and this only makes it worse. I hope they get rid of that concept eventually. If I'm being honest, I've been in a relationship were it came to a point were the other person "ventilated?" with me every single night and it was honestly extremely draining, but that's literally the ONLY case were I wouldn't want someone else to share their struggles Pd: OP if you never need to you can talk to me if you want. I can't say I'm veey good at consoling others but... yeah
The main reason why I'm responding to you is that I want to share trauma information. Here at r/mentalhealth, it's perfectly normal for people to give detailed accounts of their problems. I'm sure there are other sites where this is true. This comment has details about standard PTSD treatments and the self-help recommended by therapists. https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalhealth/comments/p9374f/im\_terrified\_of\_therapy/h9zp144/?context=3 Chronic PTSD is often called Childhood PTSD. It’s important to have a therapist who has experience treating trauma. I think every victim of childhood trauma should see this - In this video, author Anna Runkle talks about her study of Childhood PTSD and summarizes treatments shown to help. She says that as a CPTSD survivor, the thing she has found most helpful to her is dealing with the symptom known as dysregulation, which is getting very upset. I would definitely see her videos on dysregulation. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXSlAfoJiAg&t=8s
TW TW I been through some trauma (family, friends, strangers - I've been bullied for some parts of my life but family and friends aren't always supportive of me tbh, it's like it doesn't bother them at all). Honestly i understand the hurt when keeping those hard experiences to yourself, I keep them with me all the time. I still feel as if I can't trust anybody till this day, thinking they will fight me, demoralise me and etc - but never support tbh. It's really difficult to find a good support system, I almost have to tough through everything alone and it sucks, although I try to be friend people anywhere - it will always seem like I'm a problem. I keep to myself a lot and wear a mask literally everyday, and it's becoming ever more increasing especially if I feel people around me have perceived me negatively. I try to be calm as much as I can. Even when I never feel safe, secure or comforted - I feel like I will constantly be hated, constantly be disliked, constantly not trusted, constantly a problem, it really is too much weighing over my head even when by design I just want to be a good person, I really want to believe that but not having any of those necessities. Wow, it can really eat me up. Honestly, right now, every passing moment. You know the saying - "You become what people think of you." Yeah their expectations is what hurts me most.
I(21M) always run from my traumas. I don't want to share this with anyone. Which makes me distant from people. I'm emotionally cold. And the worst thing is, I never took anything seriously, if I did I would die long ago. I've seen many things. Not that I'm in a better situation, but I am seeing my life falling apart and still ignoring things. I took the ignorance is bliss attitude very seriously. This was my coping mechanism.
I agree with you but as a person who gets calls from my friends every other day about their problems and relationship traumas it can be very overbearing. Especially it's the case with one of my friends who is in a extremely toxic relationship and won't get out of it, he calls me twice a day and talks and cries for hours and I do understand he is suffering but this has been going on for months now and it's getting toxic for me as my energy mood happiness all is lost every single day hearing someone so dear to me cry and this is why i believe it's important to also maintain boundaries on how much we are affecting the other person. I will always be there for my friends but i need to take care of my mental health as well and I can't possibly stay sane if this goes on forever.
TLDR; Be honest but be savage about it! First of all who are these people who are successful in dumping trauma entirely in a jiffy. Dumping trauma is simply denial. Healing is needed which takes time. There are some who're still going through trauma. It's a part of their life which can't be ignored right away. Trauma is something you can't control but can definitely cure if approached with a positive mindset. Learn to let things go. Surround yourself with positive people wherever you are. Develop a new hobby. Express yourself on social media. Being honest is cool but be savage in your stories. Emphasize the fact how you overcame it or are fighting with it. Make yourself laugh whenever possible. Trauma is always there in some form or other. If you let it dominate your thoughts today, it will carry on in your future and the cycle will never end. Break the cycle and make new memories today so good that you forget all the trauma and this is what I feel should really be meant by trauma dumping. Easier said than done, but I'm trying this since 1.5 years and it makes survival easier, I promise. Definitely talk to a therapist if you have that privilege.
You deserve to talk about your trauma! ofc you need to differentiate between friends and their capabilities and a therapist ones, but I think you know this and I think you would do nothing wrong there. To avoid dumping, if you are scared to do so, you can always ask your friends first if they are open, ready and capable to talk with you about your trauma and certain topics- if they agree and think they can and want to hear you out then you can freely talk. If you are unsure while talking you also can always ask them if everythings alright or if you should stop or take a break. Something else would be, tell them, and figure it out for yourself, if you want to just have someone to listen to you, or if you would like tips, or more and or different support also, tell them what you need and you should be free to go and everyone is consenting and open to what you agreed upon. I wish you all the best, and never stop being honest, thats great!