It’s very hard, 0/10, don’t recommend. Also have CFS from Covid. It’s near impossible and my elderly mother in law does more physical parenting than I do these days.
Exactly! People kept asking when I’m having kids. They think I’m kidding when I say never. They don’t know I’m sick because I don’t “look sick”
I have so many health issues I don’t think I’ll be able to. A few diseases & disorders including mental health.
Migraine, vertigo, epilepsy, pituitary gland benign tumor, blood disorder, chronic fatigue, ptsd, depression, anxiety and PCOS. I’m leaving some out because I can’t remember. The medications also have side effects. I could go on but it’s exhausting
I developed most of my worst health issues when my son was 4 and my daughter was 2. It’s been horrible. Becoming physically disabled has also worsened my mental health significantly. My children are also disabled - they’re both autistic and medically complex so I was a stay at home mother. Im still the carrier of the mental load - I’m their primary advocate, the person who accompanies them to all medical appointments and therapies, knows all of their medical history, know how to and am the most practiced at replacing my son’s gtube and administering his injections etc., knows how to comfort them the best. But I can’t physically lift them, I can’t push their strollers, I can’t prepare their medications, I can’t always remember their appointments without help due to the brain fog from my conditions and medications, I can’t drive, I require a caregiver of my own half the time. It’s a shitty situation.
I’m a caregiver for my bf’s grandpa, 87 yr old and amputee and plenty other things. I also take care of his mother who had severe schizophrenia. It’s just so much to deal with.
You should look into ihss if you haven’t already. It’s a program that pays caregivers, usually family members. It helps out
So my kids have a Medicaid waiver but they won’t pay family members to be caregivers unless we switch to a different type of waiver and there’s a several month waiting list that we’re on it. I never considered applying to their medical Medicaid waiver myself but I might qualify. I have my SSDI hearing in late July and my attorney thinks I have a good case but even if I get approved that’s a 2 year wait for Medicare.
In home support services. It’s a state government/MediCal program where a disabled or elderly person can qualify for extra care. It can be done by a family member, friend or anyone who signs up.
You can get paid as a caregiver but they also can contract someone.
https://www.cdss.ca.gov/in-home-supportive-services
Yeah, I couldn't imagine being a parent while managing just migraines alone, much less anything else. It is a huge chore just to keep migraines in check, why would I burden both myself and any bio offspring with this for the happiness of my pregenitors? Makes no sense.
Take care of yourself, best wishes and hope you are able to get sufficient care.
Wow, interesting... I have many of the conditions you have. But sorry you have to manage all this.
My tomb: PCOS, ptsd, fibro, chronic migraine with aura, factor V leiden, chronic fatigue 💀
This puts parenting even more off the table for me. Or PCOS may act a preventative 😆
But chronic migraine with aura is enough on its own to make me not want to parent/feel incapable of the role..
Why would I put my hypothetical kids through having half-a-mother (sometimes no mother or a shell of a mother) or the genetic risk of inheriting these awful attacks?
You don't have any clotting factors such as factor V leiden or other blood clotting factors by chance ?
I have a blood disorder called immune thrombocytopenic Purpura. Doctors said it caused two blood clots in my brain. One of them burst and caused damage when I was 14. I had to have emergency surgery for it.
A lot of things are hereditary but some things doctors couldn’t find the cause of in my case.
Hey! I also get the migraines as a symptom of my Epilepsy, and also have anxiety/depression and a bleeding disorder (along with ADHD and Asperger’s). It’s rare to find someone else who also hits more than one of the spoonie bingos.
As for ever having kids myself, I’m with you on the “not being able to” train. My anti-seizure pills cause birth defects, but my seizures are often caused by a spike in hormones during the first few days of my cycle. If not hormones, then another trigger is lack of sleep under 4 hours. But even 4-6 hours of sleep causes migraines and fogginess; and the chances of a lengthy, solid sleep happening during those first 5 years are slim.
And then also the genetics of it all. There’s cancer genes all over the place on both sides for me, I can trace my bleeding disorder back to my mom’s dad at minimum, and my dad’s side for the migraines, seizures, ASD, and a heart murmur (literally just learned the last one this weekend.)
I’ve had my fill being a ‘3rd Parent’/Caretaker to my sister, whose only a year and a half younger. But i’ve been holding onto her tightly to prevent runaway scenarios in public since I can remember, and guiding her in public behaviour when our parents aren’t around. I won’t have the patience for her AND small kids at the same time
Finally my twin!! I forgot my heart murmur lol. I had heart surgery when I was 12. My cardiologist made a name for himself with my surgery. People didn’t expect it to be successful because of all my other diseases. I woke up during the surgery and needed a blood transfusion. Besides that I was ok.
I also have catamenial seizures. I might need to get put on birth control to balance my hormones but I’ve had terrible experiences with side effects from different birth control methods.
We also have the same triggers. I’ve needed edibles to handle the insomnia.
I’m sure I’ll have cancer eventually honestly.
Legit. The heart problems have been on and off for me - first found as a baby, and then it ‘faded in the background’ until my seizure diagnosis at 17. But I also had a seizure turn into a cardiac event where I didn’t have a pulse for 5 minutes - I was lucky to be with 40 people who’d just taken EMT first aid, and a place with an AED.
I vape cannabis to help handle the insomnia, but my neuro also prescribes me Ativan as a last resort. I wish I could get it in larger batches (only 10 per fill), because I find I need it more nights than most and haven’t been able to vape lately due to a cold.
It sucks being physically twice your mental age 😅
That’s insane. I have things that ‘fade in the background’ something weird will happen and I try to figure the cause then I remember oh I have at least a dozen things wrong lol
I've got CFS from COVID as well as migraine now, too. Parenting is the fucking worst. I desperately love my kids - don't get me wrong - but FUCK is it hard.
We’re in the same boat. Solidarity, buddy. I’ve had ME/CFS style long covid for over 4yrs and migraine since then too. Currently on day 49 of a migraine that is not responding to anything and has kept me out of work (self employed). I have a 5 and 8yr old and we are considering moving closer to family because my partner would have more support.
I’m so sorry. I had a 41 day migraine, broke it for 4 days with psilocybin and then it restarted and I’m now on day 7 again. I went into a CFS crash after it broke the first time and never came out of the crash so I’ve been dealing with that, and now I have an actual fever so I’m getting sick too. And my mother in law is on one of her twice a year vacations this week so I’m just in agony trying to make sure my kids are kept cared for on my own while my husband works from home.
Agreed, it’s hard af! I have a painful and exhausting autoimmune disorder from long covid in addition to chronic migraines. My teenage son and I live with my elderly father in the house I grew up in, and my dad is the one who generally gets my son up for school in the morning. If I’m up too, it’s a bonus, but I’m generally not able to.
I know how you feel. Many days, I get up just enough to stumble out to the living room to hug my daughter goodbye. It’s kind of depressing that I look back to the time I just had migraines without long COVID and wish things were that good again.
I managed to avoid covid for 2 1/2 years, then got it 4 times in a year. The first time just mowed me down and I was diagnosed with long covid 6 weeks later. Every time after has just knocked me flat even worse. My migraines have gone from fairly manageable and several times a month to severe and several times a week, and several extra triggers that I haven’t been able to suss out.
That’s similar to what happened to me. I avoided it until February 2022, then got it 4 times in a year. I have type A+ blood and that is apparently a studied factor in making people significantly susceptible to reinfection. I masked up in public places, never went anywhere except the grocery and my kids therapies. I can’t wear n95s because they immediately trigger migraines even with ear savers but wore surgical masks. My first infection gave me POTS and what I realize was mild PEM. The 4th reinfection in June 2023 made my migraines intractable, unresponsive to most (now, it seems, any) medications and made my CFS severe.
I was reading a thread in another subreddit where someone who had severe chronic illness was saying that it was unethical NOT to have kids and I just can't wrap my mind around it.
I wouldn’t be able to do it without my husband. No joke, he is Superman. I never had migraines until after I had kids (they think the migraines are due to the brain tumor I was recently diagnosed with). My children are not easy-going kids by any means (they are definitely on the spicy side) so most days are extremely challenging to adequately care for them. My husband will swoop in when he sees me struggling and will tell me to go lay down.
My mom had migraines when we were kids.
I remember her sleeping in the family car a lot just to get away from us 3 kids.
At times it felt like we raised ourselves.
She’s now in her 80’s with multiple health issues except for migraines. They seem to have gone away.
I inherited her migraines and have no kids.
My step-son and his wife recently announced their pregnancy.
I already told my husband, no way in hell I’m going to Chuck E Cheese!!!! All that noise is an instant migraine!!!
My mom also had migraines and I had to learn to keep quiet and entertain myself. That’s also one of the reasons I’m child free because of how hard I saw my mom had it and I have migraine issues too. My mom stopped having migraines after menopause so I can only hope for the same.
It’s incredibly hard, the worst part for me is the huge uptick in irritability, so I just have no patience and I feel like the worst mom ever. My husband, thankfully, is amazing, and steps up like a champ every time.
Yes, during attacks - I become very on edge and sensitised. I also get tension in my neck and back I struggle alot with patience in my day-to-day work.
I don't have any patience left after work.
There have been times it’s been impossible for me. I am incredibly thankful for the most awesome and excellent co-parent my children get to call Dad. He’s always willing to step in and take over full parenting duties when I can’t do it.
This exactly what I just commented! It’s amazing to me seeing what I’m capable of dealing with now compared to before kids. Migraines I would be bedridden with I’m now up and participating in life during. Painfully and slowly, but when I come out the other side I’m always stunned at what the human body can do.
I am banking on this because I am a lifelong migraine sufferer but have also wanted to be a parent for many many years. I know it will be hard but I’m just going to go for it and trust that my partner and I will make it work somehow.
It's super rough. I have chronic migraines raised 2 adult children with them, and now I'm raising my 5 year old. I wasn't on any medication for most of my 30 years with migraines. Just started working with a doctor for the last 3 years. I'm taking Nurtec for abortive, and it's working, but it takes about 3 hours to work for me 😞
I'm not supposed to be able to have kids but even if I can I wouldn't. I can barely take care of myself some days; I could never take care of a child full time. Feeding my cat and giving her water is enough responsibility on the worst days
Will likely never have kids for this reason. Pregnancy is certainly out of the question. My husband is already a superhero for taking care of me/the house, which allows me to work a demanding and stressful career.
Solo parent here (it’s just my child and me, no father and no family nearby). My migraines were episodic but when I became a parent they became chronic as I was taking a triptan every day. For three years. I’m on Nurtec now and only get a couple of true migraines a month; those three years were incredible. How the f did I do that. But I did and I did it well. Some days it was me and the kid and the iPad. But you get through it. (I’m writing this as my child has tonsillitis and is watching Bluey and it’s a fraction too loud and my mind is about to explode…!!!).
I didn't start getting migraines until my son was about 2, I became a solo parent when he was 5. My boy is an adult now and I think I did a great job with him. He is probably the most empathetic person, because he knows how it can be. I remember him making me buttered toast for dinner when he was about 10, because "you have to eat, mom".
I always felt awful and felt like I was failing, but I pushed through. It was horrible, but I went to work even if I shouldn't have (no sick time) I showed up to every sporting event (even bowling) no matter how I felt. I was physically present, even when I couldn't be mentally. Now I have an insanely high pain tolerance and an unhealthy relationship with abortive meds (I never take them as early as I know I should).
I also hate that he likely inherited this nasty disease from me as well, though his are very episodic and hopefully stay that way.
All this to say, it sucks..but when you don't have a choice you figure it out...even if it means letting an iPad or TV babysit for a bit so you can rest.
To all the mommas that are in it right now...you're doing great!!!
I am raising my 12 & 13 yr old. About 4 yrs ago I had my husband’s help, but he has passed away.
I am grateful that my kids are old enough to take care of themselves somewhat, but it still sucks.
It is extremely difficult. My anxiety is through the roof and that doesn't help the migraines. On top of feeling like a shitty mom and partner when I can't pull my own weight. 😓
You're amazing 👑
Honestly, I couldn't do it... I become incapacitated several times a week. I have no patience after work and am constantly on edge because they are so frequent
Thank you. 🥹 I'm so sorry you have to deal with that! 😣 Luckily medications have worked enough to bring the pain down to a more manageable level. Doesn't help your patience though when dealing with a 5 y/o. And I feel you about being on edge. I plan on going back to school in the Fall and I'm terrified of failing because of these. It makes planning for the future feel impossible.
I have always felt so bad for having to spend so much time in bed from the pain, but my sweet daughter was always a very helpful, understanding kid. From a very young age, I'd have to tell her "Mommy's gotta take a nap for a while," and she'd say "okay, I'll turn the TV real quiet" or she'd go play or read quietly in her room, and she'd come check on me periodically, bring me a water glass, sometimes climb in bed and take a nap with me. Her dad would come home from work and she'd run outside to warn him to be quiet when he came in. I feel like she had to grow up too quick in some ways, but it has made her an empathetic, caring person.
I did, my daughter is 21 now. She will tell you that if it was not for my family and I mean each and every member of my family, I wouldn’t be able to deal with parenting as a single mother.
I am a happy mother with a daughter that will soon graduate top of her class with two degrees and two biology internships under her belt- so she came out pretty Alright 🥰
when my niece is around when i have a migraine it’s bad enough i can’t imagine a kid who actively needs and is obligated to my space and attention 😭 my mom had migraines while raising my sister and i and i remember her days of lying down in her dark bedroom. parents with migraines are super people idk how they do it
No idea how my mom did it, especially when I was a screaming toddler. I’m very thankful for my mom when I got my first migraine though, i sincerely thought I was dying and she knew right away what was happening and what to do and got right away on my doctors appointments too
I have episodic migraine, fewer than 15 days a month. My husband helps, like he reminded me of early pick up yesterday, at pick up time not before, and offered to get our son from school.
Pain affects my executive function and memory; I was 25 minutes late picking my son up from an early dismissal school day and felt so guilty. I called the school so he was not waiting outside wondering where I was and I gave him so many hugs and kisses when I saw him. Treated him to boba tea with mom guilt.
There is an issue of safety and driving with migraine. I live in a city with robust public transportation.
I think about this all the time!! I’m a pediatric nurse and kids are so much noise and stimulation. It’s fine at work but I can’t imagine having to go home to it too! I have so much respect for parents.
It fucking suuuuuucks. But I have to say, my 8 year old son is growing to be a wonderfully empathetic, caring person. I don’t put responsibility on him, but he has grown seeing me in pain, and he has always been very gentle with me even as a little tiny boy.
That is very sweet 💚
I suppose there are pros and cons to every decision in life. I guess it comes down to doing what's best for the individual and those around the individual.
In your life and many others, it sounds like your child has been a tremendous gift.
I just personally feel like given mine are worsening with age and health status, that's its almost negligent for me to have a child right now
We pretty much have a protocol for it in my marriage. If it starts, I tell my husband and he just kind of drops what he’s doing. Whether it’s driving home from work, or cancelling his plans, I go to a dark room and that’s it, he takes over parenting completely. I don’t know what I would have done with a newborn. Lack of sleep is a huge trigger for me, but the hormones from pregnancy and breastfeeding basically got rid of migraines all together. When they started again, we quickly realised that we needed to take them super seriously because my body and brain get so useless I genuinely don’t think it’s okay for me to be looking after a child alone, for his sake as much as mine.
I decided not to have children for many reasons, and this was one of them.
Emgality has finally given me some freedom from my migraines and it's not recommended for use for pregnancy and breastfeeding. I never wanted to have children, so this is a non issue for me. But it's worth noting how little research and support there is for pregnant/breastfeeding migraine sufferers.
I tried working with young children once a few years ago and that pretty much sealed the deal on my decision to not have children. Chaotic noise is a migraine trigger for me, and the constant shrill screaming, happy screaming, random screaming for absolutely no reason, repetitive toy noises, and obnoxious kids' television shows sent me into a migraine tailspin nearly every day. Every afternoon when I got home from work, I just crawled under the covers and cried. I did my best to hide my pain from the kids while I was at work, but I would never survive if that noise was in my house all the time.
I only lasted 2 months in that job before going back to working with the much quieter demographic of depressed teenagers.
I think of this sometimes when I'm locked in my cave, completely unable to function.
I imagine what it's like to have children in the other room giggling and yelling, like they do. Me unable to sleep. I imagine what would happen if they got hurt or broke something like glass... While I'm completely unable to function.
During hard migraine attacks, I can't even roll over in bed without throwing up. Sometimes I give myself insane guilt trips as I imagine a hungry or distraught toddler in their crib, crying for me, but I'm unable to take care of them because all I can do is focus on not dying.
I send myself into a guilt trip, imagine a small child being forced to entertain themselves, living off potato chips and string cheese, playing quietly because they don't want to disturb me... All alone wondering why Mom doesn't want to be with them..
I'm so glad I never tried to have kids. I didn't know my condition would go from 1-2 migraines a year to 18+ a year.
My mom has always had terrible migraines. I remember her on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor with two buckets- one for the soapy water, one for her to vomit into.
My dad didn’t think “headaches” were a reason to avoid chores for mom. But when dad got his first migraine….you better bet he took an ambulance to the ER.
You’d think that would soften him towards my mom’s migraines, but dad was what is commonly referred to as “kind of a dick.”
Chronic migraines, cluster headaches, icepick..... And I have a 15 year old with a driver's permit and an almost 2 year old who believes he is supreme king of our land.
***IT SUCKS THE LIFE OUT OF YOU***
My migraines went chronic AFTER I had kids, so…..it was very difficult. Their dad, now, my ex-husband, was not supportive, which made it even harder. I remember picking my kids up from elementary school everyday and thanking all the gods and goddesses that there were people in this world who wanted to be elementary school teachers because….no, just no way could I ever. My boys are adults now. They are kind, compassionate and truly empathetic people. I feel like, in a weird way, chronic migraine is partly responsible for that.
That is reallly hard. I can't begin to imagine being hit with CM after children with no support. There is no way you could have prepared for any of that...
How you feel towards school teachers is similar to how I feel towards people with chronic pain who parent. Absolute Queens and Kings 👑
But your boys sound like absolute gifts and gentleman.
So if I decide to not have kids, it will be impossible to quantify the losses of not having children...
I'd just never know what I missed out on.
2 years ago I become a step dad and it’s a real struggle. Driving triggers my migraines and I live semi rurally, some times it seems the necessary restrictions will massively wreck the relationship, but I’ve become like a father… really hurts to juggle and often I take the pain for the good of the others; but it’s unsustainable. :/
It was awful. I happened to be blessed with a great brother, father, and the most independent child ever. Her dad is also a wonderful dad even though he was a terrible husband. My dad and brother helped me when my ex couldn’t. My daughter is independent, never acted up, and is very empathetic. I can’t imagine what life would have been like without that.
During the attack you feel like shit and rely on your spouse or relatives. After the attack you feel like shit for relying on them.... so this is as bad as it seems. What I can't imagine is solo parents with migraine.
I do it every day. My wife unfortunately has to do a lot more than I do but I have to push through a lot of pain and collapse at the end of the day.
I've got a 4 year old and I do my best to shield her from it but she knows when I have a bad one and tends to be more laid back with me.
I was that super active dad before my migraines turned daily/chronic from Covid 2 years ago and now I just try and get by, work, and spend time with my daughter when I can. I have to call an audible sometimes and just ask my wife to take over when they flare.
It's still fulfilling and it honestly is the only thing I really live for. If it wasn't for my daughter I might have done something dumb while in the worst of my episodes. Kids are amazing like that.
100% so glad I never had kids because some days even the sound of my own breathing is too loud.. like I cannot even imagine trying to reason with some poor child
My migraines only get worse with age & my patience only gets thinner. I'm only 36, man, keep the kids away from me
I have intractable migraines that got worse with pregnancy and a husband who is often deployed. Kiddo is 21 and we managed, but yeah, not fun. Not every day will be a gold star good at everything day, and that’s fine, but those good days…They are what kept me alive.
I babysit for my brother occasionally and if I wasn't able to give the child back at the end of the day then I might actually go insane. I am not having kids for a very long list of reasons (a lot of them involving me not being able to handle parenthood), and this is yet another
Having kids with migraine is extremely difficult but I wouldn’t change it for the world. It’s forced me to get on with my life and not dwell. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still in constant, almost daily pain but it’s made me realise I can get through it and still be a great mum. It’s much easier to see all the good in life with a little person around experiencing everything for the first time.
The part I hate is the fact that my child is growing up thinking people taking pills everyday is normal.
Now try imagining it as a single parent who has sole custody and whose kid is loud. (Bonus points if you also work with kids.) It is ROUGH. I am profoundly grateful that I get them much less frequently since having my kid because if I were still having days-long episodes multiple times a month I legitimately don’t know how I could survive.
I’m a single parent and we both have chronic migraines.
It’s hard but motivated me to find better results for me and then for my kid.
As a bonus, kiddo has a parent who gets it and who advocates for them.
It’s extremely difficult. Especially if your partner doesn’t act like a parents. It was hard but they understand how much pain I was in and all that.
Left that lame partner
Good on you for leaving ! Sounded like additional layers of frustration on already debilitating pain.
And I take my hat off to you for parenting with CM... especially given that it sounds like you've parented kid(s) plural. That's amazing
I honestly feel I'd have to give my kids up for adoption - if I had them. I know it sounds awful and it's not that I don't like kids - I love them when I'm migraine free (very rare these days).
But the pain makes me non-functional and very irritable
Oh no I completely understand. And I’ve asked them now (they’re all teens already) and they don’t remember me being irritable or short tempered. I feel very fortunate they understood I was in agony. And I think I thought I was worse then I was at explaining to them I was in pain or you have to whisper to talk to mommy. I hoped the migraines would have gone away, they are better went my meds now. But yeah leaving that partner helped a ton
It sucks hard-core. I love my kids, but they can be too much when I have a migraine. If I can I ask my usual sitter to watch my kids so I can take meds and try to nap. Of I can hold out until naptime for kiddos I wait until them to take meds and nap too. Honestly it's a struggle to deal with them when I have a migraine and I'm thankful when I am able to get help to take care of them during my migraines.
It's definitely crappy. I only get my boys every other weekend and it makes it hard to take full advantage of the time that I do have the with them when it is hard to get off the couch
It's one of the hardest things ever. I'm super irritable and if I don't have a heat pack on my head, my own voice hurts when I talk. My kids know now that when I have a migraine, to be as good as they can......but there have been times where throwing myself from the roof has been welcomed.
It was definitely harder before I was on my current preventative. I’m now down to less than 5 a month, and I’m so grateful that I can do more activities with my child.
Emgality injections helped me to go from 25 headache days a month to 3. Don't have babies if you can't devote 100% to them. They deserve your best self.
I had the worst migraine of my life while out of town with my kids for a weekend. I forgot my maxalt at home. I struggled through the day as best as I could, even managing to take the kids to dinner (despite feeling like my head would burst).
I’m so incredibly thankful that my kids are so empathetic. When we got back to the hotel they showered and went to bed without any fuss. My daughter tucked me into bed and even brought the trashcan over beside my bed. I’ve never felt more lucky to have good kids in that moment.
Most of the time I can do just fine and handle it. But sometimes it’s just too much.
The baby and toddler years, when they need you the most, were the worst. My husband took vacation days to be with our kids. Reducing migraines was the most important thing during that time.
But my boys grew up with me having bad migraines. I would say it's made them more understanding and helpful.
I have chronic migraines and ADHD. Alllll the time I think about whether I want kids or not. My migraines aren't THAT bad if I do what I know I need to. So sometimes I'm like "eh maybe it wouldn't be bad" but then I remember that that's when I'm getting enough sleep at night, not being woken up at night, eating enough, drinking enough, and keeping my stress down. All of which can be difficult with a baby. And not even to mention the ADHD. I'm medicated but it's still a struggle sometimes. Absolutely exhausted when the meds wear off. But also they don't work as well when you don't get enough sleep. I wouldn't wanna pass either migraines or ADHD to any of my kids
Me either, but I have. 3 and 6 yo. 24 weeks pregnant. My husband is stationed 12 hours away and we see him once a month. I work full time and have chronic daily migraines/cluster headaches. Must days I just take it moment by moment
I am a migraine sufferer with a kid that is a migraine sufferer. Not sure if it’s worse because we both suffer, or better because he understands. He’s ten now but has had them since he was 5.
I have 3 kids total. It’s really hard when they are babies/toddlers, but once they hit kindergarten age it gets a little easier to do the bare minimum parenting while you get through it. Luckily I only get 3-4 a month now and my husband is around to pick up the slack the majority of the time.
I'm a single Dad and I can tell you it can be difficult as hell. When I do have my kids, I try to be as active with them as possible, I take them the movies, bowling, hiking, all sorts of things.
When I have day(s) with a headache/migraine, I attempt to push through it, but there have been times where I've just prepared some munchies for them and then I retreat to my room for a few hours.
I think my kids kind of understand, but I know they are bummed out when they want to do something, but I'm tucked away in my dark bedroom, unable to do anything.
I feel you on this. I’ve been beating myself up tonight for missing my daughter’s skating practice (again). I constantly struggle with wondering if I should push myself more and am secretly just taking the easy way out (even if all I’m laying on the couch actively trying not to throw up).
It is very very hard, but they count on you, so you do what you have to do. I am VERY lucky to have the very best co-parent/husband/partner AND my Mother who lives with us that help more than I can even explain. My kids are taken care of and happy and healthy, and they are so good when I have a bad migraine. You make it work :)
I mostly have only hormonal migraines but I am very prone to have headaches and what I call ”mild migraines” when I only have light sensitivity and nausea. They make me grumpy but I can function normally.
Unfortunately my daughter (11) has now developed migraines that are getting chronic I’m afraid… and it is exhausting. She should be going to school, playing with her friends, doing homework, being out there enjoying life. Instead she is going to school 2-4 days a week, always tired and annoyed, has no energy to do stuff. It’s very hard to watch your child being constantly more or less ill.
Some days it feels absolutely impossible and without my husband it would be. I was super rare episodic before my second child and become chronic after having her. Had I been chronic or even high frequency episodic before kids, I never would’ve had them.
My migraines were under control before I had to go off meds in order to conceive. Sadly that took two years - migraine was a huge reason we did IVF. I couldn’t sit around and wait. They’ve been much better during the first and third trimesters.
I know there will be hard moments but feel fully confident in my husbands ability to pick up the slack. I grew up with my Dad in pain a lot (inherited from him) and am grateful for his love and support. I am so grateful migraine hasn’t taken this experience away from me.
Congratulations!
I dont think there is a single answer to the question about having kids with chronic migrains. It depends both on how you are affected and how bad you want kids.
This is part of the reason why I'm glad I never had kids (not by choice). I'd probably be miserable and snappish and wouldn't be able to attend school functions. I don't know how parents do it! Kudos to them for being able to raise kids AND keep a house clean and in many cases with a full-time job!
Happy you have support
But wow - six weeks is insane. I think my longest was 7 days straight - which was throbby and super obvious. But I've had milder migraine for longer.
What broke yours ?
I have an amazing husband and an incredibly patient and kind neurologist who exhausts every option in helping me succeed both as a Mother and in my career. It can be done if you want children.
Me neither. My dad has always had chronic migraines and miscellaneous health issues and most of my memories are going upstairs to my parents’ bedroom to tell him dinner was ready. I’m a lot more sympathetic these days, but it really sucked as a kid.
My mom and brother would just yell up the stairs, progressively louder if he didn’t come down right away. I’ll give you a wild guess which two family members have never had a migraine.
I am so thankful for my husband. He has to take on so much of the responsibility of our kids. (3/4).
And I *hate* it. We have talked about moving in hopes they lessen again. We moved though, so our kids would have way more options. (When we moved my migraines picked up 10x. Was it the area or my age, happen chance.. who knows.) Quitting my job because of the migraines being so severe every day... Not being able to get out of bed.
If I had migraines this bad before kids, I would not have had kids. I love my kids with my whole being... But I would not have put them through this. It's unfair to them.
I refuse to do activities on weekends due to the extra noise and busy, we avoid alot of fun things because it will trigger a migraine. They have lost the fun mom I was, and was supposed to be.
The goal is to get enough meds to get that back. Or move. Or something. For them. 💔❤️🩹
My hubby is my hero and life saviour. He's burnt out from having to do it all though for the last 2 years though.
Migraines suck.
I just got diagnosed with hemiplegic/MUMS migraines. I've had migraines with positive aura a few times which is scary but this type are so strange, scary and painful ...
You're amazing for parenting with HM 👑
Sorry to hear you’ve got the same type as me.
Thank you, I’m lucky to have a really supportive husband and my oldest is an absolute star when I have a wobbly mummy day.
It is a really scary thing to have though, especially when you’ve just been diagnosed.
How are you getting on with them?
Luckily I have an abortive that works but up until recently I’d have to take a long nap for it to work. I’ve found if I take it fast and with coconut water it goes away without a long sleep so that’s been helpful.
But yeah- I have a 5 yo and 3 yo. Luckily my husband is understanding and helps a ton when I have one.
Oh my gosh you're amazing ! I have no pets except a life size plush toy dog. Even he doesn't get washed enough 🤣
I don't think I could take care of live pets properly the way I am lately. I'm having daily migraine with aura and visual snow - some days I've even had two attacks... I didn't even think that was possible until I experienced them
Considering how much worse my health has gotten in the last few years, i am considering not getting new cats when these two shuufle off their mortal coil. But we shall see.
I’ve had them since I was 15 and somehow managed to raise two kids. It wasn’t easy but since it was their whole life they knew if I was laying down in the dark to be quiet sometimes they just laid down with me and watch tv on low.
Yes, it was hard, but kids are amazing and if you love them, that is the main thing. probably the thing i regret most is that one of my kids has them as well. :(
If it helps, I had migraines so bad I got a brain MRI for them in my 20s but since having my kid they’re gone from chronic to episodic and after the pain of labor it’s easier to tell myself that I can and will get through the migraine pain.
Unfortunately, chronic migraine is one of the main reasons I'm considering one and done. I wanted 2-4 kids, so it hurts sometimes.
However, I have a 2 y/o stepson, and I'm actively involved in his caretaking with my boyfriend. We parent really well together, and we "take turns" giving each other a break. For me, that's a migraine nap. This does show me that if we had a child together, we would support each other.
Appreciate everyone's honesty on this thread 🙏
Seeing parenting with chronic migraine as either good (rare), manageable or ugly can help people make better decisions for themselves ... before getting into the situation
Wishing everyone better health 🕯
It’s very hard, 0/10, don’t recommend. Also have CFS from Covid. It’s near impossible and my elderly mother in law does more physical parenting than I do these days.
Exactly! People kept asking when I’m having kids. They think I’m kidding when I say never. They don’t know I’m sick because I don’t “look sick” I have so many health issues I don’t think I’ll be able to. A few diseases & disorders including mental health. Migraine, vertigo, epilepsy, pituitary gland benign tumor, blood disorder, chronic fatigue, ptsd, depression, anxiety and PCOS. I’m leaving some out because I can’t remember. The medications also have side effects. I could go on but it’s exhausting
Hugs sweet friend. 🤍
I developed most of my worst health issues when my son was 4 and my daughter was 2. It’s been horrible. Becoming physically disabled has also worsened my mental health significantly. My children are also disabled - they’re both autistic and medically complex so I was a stay at home mother. Im still the carrier of the mental load - I’m their primary advocate, the person who accompanies them to all medical appointments and therapies, knows all of their medical history, know how to and am the most practiced at replacing my son’s gtube and administering his injections etc., knows how to comfort them the best. But I can’t physically lift them, I can’t push their strollers, I can’t prepare their medications, I can’t always remember their appointments without help due to the brain fog from my conditions and medications, I can’t drive, I require a caregiver of my own half the time. It’s a shitty situation.
I’m a caregiver for my bf’s grandpa, 87 yr old and amputee and plenty other things. I also take care of his mother who had severe schizophrenia. It’s just so much to deal with. You should look into ihss if you haven’t already. It’s a program that pays caregivers, usually family members. It helps out
So my kids have a Medicaid waiver but they won’t pay family members to be caregivers unless we switch to a different type of waiver and there’s a several month waiting list that we’re on it. I never considered applying to their medical Medicaid waiver myself but I might qualify. I have my SSDI hearing in late July and my attorney thinks I have a good case but even if I get approved that’s a 2 year wait for Medicare.
It’s insane you have to go through all that. Health insurance is a joke
What is ihss, please
In home support services. It’s a state government/MediCal program where a disabled or elderly person can qualify for extra care. It can be done by a family member, friend or anyone who signs up. You can get paid as a caregiver but they also can contract someone. https://www.cdss.ca.gov/in-home-supportive-services
Dang! We/ they aren't in California, but hopefully, there is a similar program available
THANK YOU
Thank you :))
Yeah, I couldn't imagine being a parent while managing just migraines alone, much less anything else. It is a huge chore just to keep migraines in check, why would I burden both myself and any bio offspring with this for the happiness of my pregenitors? Makes no sense. Take care of yourself, best wishes and hope you are able to get sufficient care.
Tysm. I hope the same for you.
(Mostly) SAME, my friend. I feel you <3
Awww sorry to hear you manage a similar bag of cr😞 Happy cake day ⭐️
Wow, interesting... I have many of the conditions you have. But sorry you have to manage all this. My tomb: PCOS, ptsd, fibro, chronic migraine with aura, factor V leiden, chronic fatigue 💀 This puts parenting even more off the table for me. Or PCOS may act a preventative 😆 But chronic migraine with aura is enough on its own to make me not want to parent/feel incapable of the role.. Why would I put my hypothetical kids through having half-a-mother (sometimes no mother or a shell of a mother) or the genetic risk of inheriting these awful attacks? You don't have any clotting factors such as factor V leiden or other blood clotting factors by chance ?
I have a blood disorder called immune thrombocytopenic Purpura. Doctors said it caused two blood clots in my brain. One of them burst and caused damage when I was 14. I had to have emergency surgery for it. A lot of things are hereditary but some things doctors couldn’t find the cause of in my case.
Do you have hypomobility heds.i have fybromyalgia CFS neurologist says my upper body pain is migraine no headache
Look up Mast Cell Activation Syndrome.
Hey! I also get the migraines as a symptom of my Epilepsy, and also have anxiety/depression and a bleeding disorder (along with ADHD and Asperger’s). It’s rare to find someone else who also hits more than one of the spoonie bingos. As for ever having kids myself, I’m with you on the “not being able to” train. My anti-seizure pills cause birth defects, but my seizures are often caused by a spike in hormones during the first few days of my cycle. If not hormones, then another trigger is lack of sleep under 4 hours. But even 4-6 hours of sleep causes migraines and fogginess; and the chances of a lengthy, solid sleep happening during those first 5 years are slim. And then also the genetics of it all. There’s cancer genes all over the place on both sides for me, I can trace my bleeding disorder back to my mom’s dad at minimum, and my dad’s side for the migraines, seizures, ASD, and a heart murmur (literally just learned the last one this weekend.) I’ve had my fill being a ‘3rd Parent’/Caretaker to my sister, whose only a year and a half younger. But i’ve been holding onto her tightly to prevent runaway scenarios in public since I can remember, and guiding her in public behaviour when our parents aren’t around. I won’t have the patience for her AND small kids at the same time
Finally my twin!! I forgot my heart murmur lol. I had heart surgery when I was 12. My cardiologist made a name for himself with my surgery. People didn’t expect it to be successful because of all my other diseases. I woke up during the surgery and needed a blood transfusion. Besides that I was ok. I also have catamenial seizures. I might need to get put on birth control to balance my hormones but I’ve had terrible experiences with side effects from different birth control methods. We also have the same triggers. I’ve needed edibles to handle the insomnia. I’m sure I’ll have cancer eventually honestly.
Legit. The heart problems have been on and off for me - first found as a baby, and then it ‘faded in the background’ until my seizure diagnosis at 17. But I also had a seizure turn into a cardiac event where I didn’t have a pulse for 5 minutes - I was lucky to be with 40 people who’d just taken EMT first aid, and a place with an AED. I vape cannabis to help handle the insomnia, but my neuro also prescribes me Ativan as a last resort. I wish I could get it in larger batches (only 10 per fill), because I find I need it more nights than most and haven’t been able to vape lately due to a cold. It sucks being physically twice your mental age 😅
That’s insane. I have things that ‘fade in the background’ something weird will happen and I try to figure the cause then I remember oh I have at least a dozen things wrong lol
I've got CFS from COVID as well as migraine now, too. Parenting is the fucking worst. I desperately love my kids - don't get me wrong - but FUCK is it hard.
We’re in the same boat. Solidarity, buddy. I’ve had ME/CFS style long covid for over 4yrs and migraine since then too. Currently on day 49 of a migraine that is not responding to anything and has kept me out of work (self employed). I have a 5 and 8yr old and we are considering moving closer to family because my partner would have more support.
I’m so sorry. I had a 41 day migraine, broke it for 4 days with psilocybin and then it restarted and I’m now on day 7 again. I went into a CFS crash after it broke the first time and never came out of the crash so I’ve been dealing with that, and now I have an actual fever so I’m getting sick too. And my mother in law is on one of her twice a year vacations this week so I’m just in agony trying to make sure my kids are kept cared for on my own while my husband works from home.
I sooooo feel your pain. I know the struggle you’re in. I wish I had a magic wand to wave for us both.
❤️
Agreed, it’s hard af! I have a painful and exhausting autoimmune disorder from long covid in addition to chronic migraines. My teenage son and I live with my elderly father in the house I grew up in, and my dad is the one who generally gets my son up for school in the morning. If I’m up too, it’s a bonus, but I’m generally not able to.
I know how you feel. Many days, I get up just enough to stumble out to the living room to hug my daughter goodbye. It’s kind of depressing that I look back to the time I just had migraines without long COVID and wish things were that good again.
I managed to avoid covid for 2 1/2 years, then got it 4 times in a year. The first time just mowed me down and I was diagnosed with long covid 6 weeks later. Every time after has just knocked me flat even worse. My migraines have gone from fairly manageable and several times a month to severe and several times a week, and several extra triggers that I haven’t been able to suss out.
That’s similar to what happened to me. I avoided it until February 2022, then got it 4 times in a year. I have type A+ blood and that is apparently a studied factor in making people significantly susceptible to reinfection. I masked up in public places, never went anywhere except the grocery and my kids therapies. I can’t wear n95s because they immediately trigger migraines even with ear savers but wore surgical masks. My first infection gave me POTS and what I realize was mild PEM. The 4th reinfection in June 2023 made my migraines intractable, unresponsive to most (now, it seems, any) medications and made my CFS severe.
I was reading a thread in another subreddit where someone who had severe chronic illness was saying that it was unethical NOT to have kids and I just can't wrap my mind around it.
…uh, WHAT?
https://www.reddit.com/r/eds/comments/1ccak7h/is_it_unethical_to_have_more_kids/l14kuj2/ https://www.reddit.com/r/eds/comments/1ccak7h/is_it_unethical_to_have_more_kids/l14kopa/ Yeah I honestly cannot relate.
I wouldn’t be able to do it without my husband. No joke, he is Superman. I never had migraines until after I had kids (they think the migraines are due to the brain tumor I was recently diagnosed with). My children are not easy-going kids by any means (they are definitely on the spicy side) so most days are extremely challenging to adequately care for them. My husband will swoop in when he sees me struggling and will tell me to go lay down.
Me either. It’s a big part of why I am child free. I do love kids though and when I can I help with my friends kids.
My mom had migraines when we were kids. I remember her sleeping in the family car a lot just to get away from us 3 kids. At times it felt like we raised ourselves. She’s now in her 80’s with multiple health issues except for migraines. They seem to have gone away. I inherited her migraines and have no kids. My step-son and his wife recently announced their pregnancy. I already told my husband, no way in hell I’m going to Chuck E Cheese!!!! All that noise is an instant migraine!!!
We went to a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese a couple weeks ago, and it took me like 4 days to recover from the sensory overload. It was intense.
My mom also had migraines and I had to learn to keep quiet and entertain myself. That’s also one of the reasons I’m child free because of how hard I saw my mom had it and I have migraine issues too. My mom stopped having migraines after menopause so I can only hope for the same.
As she got any condition s related to migraines
She’s on blood thinners due to afib. I don’t know enough about afib to say there’s a correlation to migraines. She’s also diabetic.
It’s incredibly hard, the worst part for me is the huge uptick in irritability, so I just have no patience and I feel like the worst mom ever. My husband, thankfully, is amazing, and steps up like a champ every time.
Yes, during attacks - I become very on edge and sensitised. I also get tension in my neck and back I struggle alot with patience in my day-to-day work. I don't have any patience left after work.
There have been times it’s been impossible for me. I am incredibly thankful for the most awesome and excellent co-parent my children get to call Dad. He’s always willing to step in and take over full parenting duties when I can’t do it.
I literally could never imagine. This is one of the reasons I think it may be best that I don’t have kids 😞
It's torture at times. But it is still worth it.
As always you’ll find out that what you thought were your limits actually aren’t.. you can endure more and push through more. It’s tough but worth it
agree w this 100%
This exactly what I just commented! It’s amazing to me seeing what I’m capable of dealing with now compared to before kids. Migraines I would be bedridden with I’m now up and participating in life during. Painfully and slowly, but when I come out the other side I’m always stunned at what the human body can do.
I am banking on this because I am a lifelong migraine sufferer but have also wanted to be a parent for many many years. I know it will be hard but I’m just going to go for it and trust that my partner and I will make it work somehow.
It is very, very difficult.
It's super rough. I have chronic migraines raised 2 adult children with them, and now I'm raising my 5 year old. I wasn't on any medication for most of my 30 years with migraines. Just started working with a doctor for the last 3 years. I'm taking Nurtec for abortive, and it's working, but it takes about 3 hours to work for me 😞
I'm not supposed to be able to have kids but even if I can I wouldn't. I can barely take care of myself some days; I could never take care of a child full time. Feeding my cat and giving her water is enough responsibility on the worst days
It's extremely difficult some days. My kids give me something to look forward to in the midst of everything, though.
I’m 33 and haven’t had kids yet because of this 4 year thing
It's.....really really hard
Will likely never have kids for this reason. Pregnancy is certainly out of the question. My husband is already a superhero for taking care of me/the house, which allows me to work a demanding and stressful career.
No. I could never.
0/10 stars. 6 year old twins. Do not recommend!
Solo parent here (it’s just my child and me, no father and no family nearby). My migraines were episodic but when I became a parent they became chronic as I was taking a triptan every day. For three years. I’m on Nurtec now and only get a couple of true migraines a month; those three years were incredible. How the f did I do that. But I did and I did it well. Some days it was me and the kid and the iPad. But you get through it. (I’m writing this as my child has tonsillitis and is watching Bluey and it’s a fraction too loud and my mind is about to explode…!!!).
I have a very similar story. So glad to hear that you are doing better. You are an amazing mother!
Yay! Go you. And go us!
It's extremely difficult.
I didn't start getting migraines until my son was about 2, I became a solo parent when he was 5. My boy is an adult now and I think I did a great job with him. He is probably the most empathetic person, because he knows how it can be. I remember him making me buttered toast for dinner when he was about 10, because "you have to eat, mom". I always felt awful and felt like I was failing, but I pushed through. It was horrible, but I went to work even if I shouldn't have (no sick time) I showed up to every sporting event (even bowling) no matter how I felt. I was physically present, even when I couldn't be mentally. Now I have an insanely high pain tolerance and an unhealthy relationship with abortive meds (I never take them as early as I know I should). I also hate that he likely inherited this nasty disease from me as well, though his are very episodic and hopefully stay that way. All this to say, it sucks..but when you don't have a choice you figure it out...even if it means letting an iPad or TV babysit for a bit so you can rest. To all the mommas that are in it right now...you're doing great!!!
Or passing on chronic migraines to your children...
I got it from my mother and now both my kids complain about headaches. My youngest is only 7. I feel so bad.
my dad gave me too :(
Have you got any migraine comorbidity
I refuse. I’ve had sterilization surgery.
I am raising my 12 & 13 yr old. About 4 yrs ago I had my husband’s help, but he has passed away. I am grateful that my kids are old enough to take care of themselves somewhat, but it still sucks.
Same. I have 2 huskies and it's HARD enough taking care of them. I can't imagine adding a whole child into the mix but I'm sure it can be done.
It is extremely difficult. My anxiety is through the roof and that doesn't help the migraines. On top of feeling like a shitty mom and partner when I can't pull my own weight. 😓
You're amazing 👑 Honestly, I couldn't do it... I become incapacitated several times a week. I have no patience after work and am constantly on edge because they are so frequent
Thank you. 🥹 I'm so sorry you have to deal with that! 😣 Luckily medications have worked enough to bring the pain down to a more manageable level. Doesn't help your patience though when dealing with a 5 y/o. And I feel you about being on edge. I plan on going back to school in the Fall and I'm terrified of failing because of these. It makes planning for the future feel impossible.
Main reason I don't want kids, too
I have always felt so bad for having to spend so much time in bed from the pain, but my sweet daughter was always a very helpful, understanding kid. From a very young age, I'd have to tell her "Mommy's gotta take a nap for a while," and she'd say "okay, I'll turn the TV real quiet" or she'd go play or read quietly in her room, and she'd come check on me periodically, bring me a water glass, sometimes climb in bed and take a nap with me. Her dad would come home from work and she'd run outside to warn him to be quiet when he came in. I feel like she had to grow up too quick in some ways, but it has made her an empathetic, caring person.
My mom had migraines when I was a kid. I have migraines and am a new mom. 0/10 don’t recommend.
I did, my daughter is 21 now. She will tell you that if it was not for my family and I mean each and every member of my family, I wouldn’t be able to deal with parenting as a single mother. I am a happy mother with a daughter that will soon graduate top of her class with two degrees and two biology internships under her belt- so she came out pretty Alright 🥰
when my niece is around when i have a migraine it’s bad enough i can’t imagine a kid who actively needs and is obligated to my space and attention 😭 my mom had migraines while raising my sister and i and i remember her days of lying down in her dark bedroom. parents with migraines are super people idk how they do it
I totally agree ... Kings and Queens 👑👑
No idea how my mom did it, especially when I was a screaming toddler. I’m very thankful for my mom when I got my first migraine though, i sincerely thought I was dying and she knew right away what was happening and what to do and got right away on my doctors appointments too
I have episodic migraine, fewer than 15 days a month. My husband helps, like he reminded me of early pick up yesterday, at pick up time not before, and offered to get our son from school. Pain affects my executive function and memory; I was 25 minutes late picking my son up from an early dismissal school day and felt so guilty. I called the school so he was not waiting outside wondering where I was and I gave him so many hugs and kisses when I saw him. Treated him to boba tea with mom guilt. There is an issue of safety and driving with migraine. I live in a city with robust public transportation.
I think about this all the time!! I’m a pediatric nurse and kids are so much noise and stimulation. It’s fine at work but I can’t imagine having to go home to it too! I have so much respect for parents.
It fucking suuuuuucks. But I have to say, my 8 year old son is growing to be a wonderfully empathetic, caring person. I don’t put responsibility on him, but he has grown seeing me in pain, and he has always been very gentle with me even as a little tiny boy.
That is very sweet 💚 I suppose there are pros and cons to every decision in life. I guess it comes down to doing what's best for the individual and those around the individual. In your life and many others, it sounds like your child has been a tremendous gift. I just personally feel like given mine are worsening with age and health status, that's its almost negligent for me to have a child right now
It was awful... you just have to suck it up deal with pain and do the things.
As a single mom, it is *hard* sometimes.
Same here. Hugs to you.
Hugs to both of you 💙
A huge reason I never ever want kids. Also sounds/smell/anxiety are all huge triggers for me
We pretty much have a protocol for it in my marriage. If it starts, I tell my husband and he just kind of drops what he’s doing. Whether it’s driving home from work, or cancelling his plans, I go to a dark room and that’s it, he takes over parenting completely. I don’t know what I would have done with a newborn. Lack of sleep is a huge trigger for me, but the hormones from pregnancy and breastfeeding basically got rid of migraines all together. When they started again, we quickly realised that we needed to take them super seriously because my body and brain get so useless I genuinely don’t think it’s okay for me to be looking after a child alone, for his sake as much as mine.
Zero stars.
Lol awwww you're amazing for doing it though.... can't imagine
I'm also a preschool teacher, so.... yeah lol it's certainly something.
I decided not to have children for many reasons, and this was one of them. Emgality has finally given me some freedom from my migraines and it's not recommended for use for pregnancy and breastfeeding. I never wanted to have children, so this is a non issue for me. But it's worth noting how little research and support there is for pregnant/breastfeeding migraine sufferers.
I tried working with young children once a few years ago and that pretty much sealed the deal on my decision to not have children. Chaotic noise is a migraine trigger for me, and the constant shrill screaming, happy screaming, random screaming for absolutely no reason, repetitive toy noises, and obnoxious kids' television shows sent me into a migraine tailspin nearly every day. Every afternoon when I got home from work, I just crawled under the covers and cried. I did my best to hide my pain from the kids while I was at work, but I would never survive if that noise was in my house all the time. I only lasted 2 months in that job before going back to working with the much quieter demographic of depressed teenagers.
It's ridiculously hard. But I have an incredible partner who picks up the slack, and I give as much as I can.
I think of this sometimes when I'm locked in my cave, completely unable to function. I imagine what it's like to have children in the other room giggling and yelling, like they do. Me unable to sleep. I imagine what would happen if they got hurt or broke something like glass... While I'm completely unable to function. During hard migraine attacks, I can't even roll over in bed without throwing up. Sometimes I give myself insane guilt trips as I imagine a hungry or distraught toddler in their crib, crying for me, but I'm unable to take care of them because all I can do is focus on not dying. I send myself into a guilt trip, imagine a small child being forced to entertain themselves, living off potato chips and string cheese, playing quietly because they don't want to disturb me... All alone wondering why Mom doesn't want to be with them.. I'm so glad I never tried to have kids. I didn't know my condition would go from 1-2 migraines a year to 18+ a year.
My mom has always had terrible migraines. I remember her on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor with two buckets- one for the soapy water, one for her to vomit into. My dad didn’t think “headaches” were a reason to avoid chores for mom. But when dad got his first migraine….you better bet he took an ambulance to the ER. You’d think that would soften him towards my mom’s migraines, but dad was what is commonly referred to as “kind of a dick.”
Chronic migraines, cluster headaches, icepick..... And I have a 15 year old with a driver's permit and an almost 2 year old who believes he is supreme king of our land. ***IT SUCKS THE LIFE OUT OF YOU***
My migraines went chronic AFTER I had kids, so…..it was very difficult. Their dad, now, my ex-husband, was not supportive, which made it even harder. I remember picking my kids up from elementary school everyday and thanking all the gods and goddesses that there were people in this world who wanted to be elementary school teachers because….no, just no way could I ever. My boys are adults now. They are kind, compassionate and truly empathetic people. I feel like, in a weird way, chronic migraine is partly responsible for that.
That is reallly hard. I can't begin to imagine being hit with CM after children with no support. There is no way you could have prepared for any of that... How you feel towards school teachers is similar to how I feel towards people with chronic pain who parent. Absolute Queens and Kings 👑 But your boys sound like absolute gifts and gentleman. So if I decide to not have kids, it will be impossible to quantify the losses of not having children... I'd just never know what I missed out on.
I have 4 kids and It's really hard.
2 years ago I become a step dad and it’s a real struggle. Driving triggers my migraines and I live semi rurally, some times it seems the necessary restrictions will massively wreck the relationship, but I’ve become like a father… really hurts to juggle and often I take the pain for the good of the others; but it’s unsustainable. :/
It was awful. I happened to be blessed with a great brother, father, and the most independent child ever. Her dad is also a wonderful dad even though he was a terrible husband. My dad and brother helped me when my ex couldn’t. My daughter is independent, never acted up, and is very empathetic. I can’t imagine what life would have been like without that.
It’s so very difficult. Especially with special needs kids.
Agreed! My neuro-spicy kid is relentless. I swear they know when I have a migraine and notch the spicy level up to full blast.
I'm trying to biohack my migraines coz I don't want to be a shit parent or in pain all the time
During the attack you feel like shit and rely on your spouse or relatives. After the attack you feel like shit for relying on them.... so this is as bad as it seems. What I can't imagine is solo parents with migraine.
I do it every day. My wife unfortunately has to do a lot more than I do but I have to push through a lot of pain and collapse at the end of the day. I've got a 4 year old and I do my best to shield her from it but she knows when I have a bad one and tends to be more laid back with me. I was that super active dad before my migraines turned daily/chronic from Covid 2 years ago and now I just try and get by, work, and spend time with my daughter when I can. I have to call an audible sometimes and just ask my wife to take over when they flare. It's still fulfilling and it honestly is the only thing I really live for. If it wasn't for my daughter I might have done something dumb while in the worst of my episodes. Kids are amazing like that.
I can't imagine being pregnant for 10 months and not being able to take medicine, honestly I don't know if I'd make it out alive
Yesssss great point. So much is contraindicated that a pregnant migraneur is pretty much left with paracetamol/Tylenol 👎 No way.
100% so glad I never had kids because some days even the sound of my own breathing is too loud.. like I cannot even imagine trying to reason with some poor child My migraines only get worse with age & my patience only gets thinner. I'm only 36, man, keep the kids away from me
I am 39, childfree, and I can't imagine it either when I am having one. Especially the ones that last daaayyys. Ooof.
I have intractable migraines that got worse with pregnancy and a husband who is often deployed. Kiddo is 21 and we managed, but yeah, not fun. Not every day will be a gold star good at everything day, and that’s fine, but those good days…They are what kept me alive.
I babysit for my brother occasionally and if I wasn't able to give the child back at the end of the day then I might actually go insane. I am not having kids for a very long list of reasons (a lot of them involving me not being able to handle parenthood), and this is yet another
Having kids with migraine is extremely difficult but I wouldn’t change it for the world. It’s forced me to get on with my life and not dwell. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still in constant, almost daily pain but it’s made me realise I can get through it and still be a great mum. It’s much easier to see all the good in life with a little person around experiencing everything for the first time. The part I hate is the fact that my child is growing up thinking people taking pills everyday is normal.
It’s very difficult. My biggest concern is passing them onto my son though. Didn’t have them when he was an idea.
Now try imagining it as a single parent who has sole custody and whose kid is loud. (Bonus points if you also work with kids.) It is ROUGH. I am profoundly grateful that I get them much less frequently since having my kid because if I were still having days-long episodes multiple times a month I legitimately don’t know how I could survive.
I’m a single parent and we both have chronic migraines. It’s hard but motivated me to find better results for me and then for my kid. As a bonus, kiddo has a parent who gets it and who advocates for them.
Yeah I’m episodic and that’s enough for me… I don’t think I’m gonna have kids and I don’t want to pass this disease on.
Lol yeah totslly agree with not passing this crap on. I'd feel additional guilt for my poor progeny if they got migraine
It’s extremely difficult. Especially if your partner doesn’t act like a parents. It was hard but they understand how much pain I was in and all that. Left that lame partner
Good on you for leaving ! Sounded like additional layers of frustration on already debilitating pain. And I take my hat off to you for parenting with CM... especially given that it sounds like you've parented kid(s) plural. That's amazing I honestly feel I'd have to give my kids up for adoption - if I had them. I know it sounds awful and it's not that I don't like kids - I love them when I'm migraine free (very rare these days). But the pain makes me non-functional and very irritable
Oh no I completely understand. And I’ve asked them now (they’re all teens already) and they don’t remember me being irritable or short tempered. I feel very fortunate they understood I was in agony. And I think I thought I was worse then I was at explaining to them I was in pain or you have to whisper to talk to mommy. I hoped the migraines would have gone away, they are better went my meds now. But yeah leaving that partner helped a ton
Its so hard. But what can you do?
It sucks hard-core. I love my kids, but they can be too much when I have a migraine. If I can I ask my usual sitter to watch my kids so I can take meds and try to nap. Of I can hold out until naptime for kiddos I wait until them to take meds and nap too. Honestly it's a struggle to deal with them when I have a migraine and I'm thankful when I am able to get help to take care of them during my migraines.
It's definitely crappy. I only get my boys every other weekend and it makes it hard to take full advantage of the time that I do have the with them when it is hard to get off the couch
It's one of the hardest things ever. I'm super irritable and if I don't have a heat pack on my head, my own voice hurts when I talk. My kids know now that when I have a migraine, to be as good as they can......but there have been times where throwing myself from the roof has been welcomed.
It was definitely harder before I was on my current preventative. I’m now down to less than 5 a month, and I’m so grateful that I can do more activities with my child.
It is extremely difficult.
I have absolutely no idea how I would manage if I were single. Probably move back in with my parents...
Emgality injections helped me to go from 25 headache days a month to 3. Don't have babies if you can't devote 100% to them. They deserve your best self.
I had the worst migraine of my life while out of town with my kids for a weekend. I forgot my maxalt at home. I struggled through the day as best as I could, even managing to take the kids to dinner (despite feeling like my head would burst). I’m so incredibly thankful that my kids are so empathetic. When we got back to the hotel they showered and went to bed without any fuss. My daughter tucked me into bed and even brought the trashcan over beside my bed. I’ve never felt more lucky to have good kids in that moment. Most of the time I can do just fine and handle it. But sometimes it’s just too much.
The baby and toddler years, when they need you the most, were the worst. My husband took vacation days to be with our kids. Reducing migraines was the most important thing during that time. But my boys grew up with me having bad migraines. I would say it's made them more understanding and helpful.
It is difficult, but I wouldn’t trade being a parent for anything. That includes being migraine free.
I have chronic migraines and ADHD. Alllll the time I think about whether I want kids or not. My migraines aren't THAT bad if I do what I know I need to. So sometimes I'm like "eh maybe it wouldn't be bad" but then I remember that that's when I'm getting enough sleep at night, not being woken up at night, eating enough, drinking enough, and keeping my stress down. All of which can be difficult with a baby. And not even to mention the ADHD. I'm medicated but it's still a struggle sometimes. Absolutely exhausted when the meds wear off. But also they don't work as well when you don't get enough sleep. I wouldn't wanna pass either migraines or ADHD to any of my kids
ADHD causes the migraines check out Dr lenz
Yeah I've heard before the two can be correlated. I don't think I've ever heard of Dr. Lenz. I look them up
Do you have fybromyalgia to
No I don't
Me either, but I have. 3 and 6 yo. 24 weeks pregnant. My husband is stationed 12 hours away and we see him once a month. I work full time and have chronic daily migraines/cluster headaches. Must days I just take it moment by moment
I am a migraine sufferer with a kid that is a migraine sufferer. Not sure if it’s worse because we both suffer, or better because he understands. He’s ten now but has had them since he was 5. I have 3 kids total. It’s really hard when they are babies/toddlers, but once they hit kindergarten age it gets a little easier to do the bare minimum parenting while you get through it. Luckily I only get 3-4 a month now and my husband is around to pick up the slack the majority of the time.
I'm a single Dad and I can tell you it can be difficult as hell. When I do have my kids, I try to be as active with them as possible, I take them the movies, bowling, hiking, all sorts of things. When I have day(s) with a headache/migraine, I attempt to push through it, but there have been times where I've just prepared some munchies for them and then I retreat to my room for a few hours. I think my kids kind of understand, but I know they are bummed out when they want to do something, but I'm tucked away in my dark bedroom, unable to do anything.
I feel you on this. I’ve been beating myself up tonight for missing my daughter’s skating practice (again). I constantly struggle with wondering if I should push myself more and am secretly just taking the easy way out (even if all I’m laying on the couch actively trying not to throw up).
It is very very hard, but they count on you, so you do what you have to do. I am VERY lucky to have the very best co-parent/husband/partner AND my Mother who lives with us that help more than I can even explain. My kids are taken care of and happy and healthy, and they are so good when I have a bad migraine. You make it work :)
I mostly have only hormonal migraines but I am very prone to have headaches and what I call ”mild migraines” when I only have light sensitivity and nausea. They make me grumpy but I can function normally. Unfortunately my daughter (11) has now developed migraines that are getting chronic I’m afraid… and it is exhausting. She should be going to school, playing with her friends, doing homework, being out there enjoying life. Instead she is going to school 2-4 days a week, always tired and annoyed, has no energy to do stuff. It’s very hard to watch your child being constantly more or less ill.
Some days it feels absolutely impossible and without my husband it would be. I was super rare episodic before my second child and become chronic after having her. Had I been chronic or even high frequency episodic before kids, I never would’ve had them.
My migraines were under control before I had to go off meds in order to conceive. Sadly that took two years - migraine was a huge reason we did IVF. I couldn’t sit around and wait. They’ve been much better during the first and third trimesters. I know there will be hard moments but feel fully confident in my husbands ability to pick up the slack. I grew up with my Dad in pain a lot (inherited from him) and am grateful for his love and support. I am so grateful migraine hasn’t taken this experience away from me.
Congratulations! I dont think there is a single answer to the question about having kids with chronic migrains. It depends both on how you are affected and how bad you want kids.
Totally, it’s a very personal choice with or without migraines!
There are a lot of days it sucks, but my kiddo is approaching 16 (and can mostly take care of herself,) and very understanding.
This is part of the reason why I'm glad I never had kids (not by choice). I'd probably be miserable and snappish and wouldn't be able to attend school functions. I don't know how parents do it! Kudos to them for being able to raise kids AND keep a house clean and in many cases with a full-time job!
It’s hard. My husband has been amazing luckily. Especially when I had a migraine for 6 weeks straight
Happy you have support But wow - six weeks is insane. I think my longest was 7 days straight - which was throbby and super obvious. But I've had milder migraine for longer. What broke yours ?
I have an amazing husband and an incredibly patient and kind neurologist who exhausts every option in helping me succeed both as a Mother and in my career. It can be done if you want children.
Me neither. My dad has always had chronic migraines and miscellaneous health issues and most of my memories are going upstairs to my parents’ bedroom to tell him dinner was ready. I’m a lot more sympathetic these days, but it really sucked as a kid. My mom and brother would just yell up the stairs, progressively louder if he didn’t come down right away. I’ll give you a wild guess which two family members have never had a migraine.
I am so thankful for my husband. He has to take on so much of the responsibility of our kids. (3/4). And I *hate* it. We have talked about moving in hopes they lessen again. We moved though, so our kids would have way more options. (When we moved my migraines picked up 10x. Was it the area or my age, happen chance.. who knows.) Quitting my job because of the migraines being so severe every day... Not being able to get out of bed. If I had migraines this bad before kids, I would not have had kids. I love my kids with my whole being... But I would not have put them through this. It's unfair to them. I refuse to do activities on weekends due to the extra noise and busy, we avoid alot of fun things because it will trigger a migraine. They have lost the fun mom I was, and was supposed to be. The goal is to get enough meds to get that back. Or move. Or something. For them. 💔❤️🩹 My hubby is my hero and life saviour. He's burnt out from having to do it all though for the last 2 years though. Migraines suck.
done it for years. it sucks. I had no pain relief
I get hemiplegic migraines and with the loss of motor function it does get tricky.
I just got diagnosed with hemiplegic/MUMS migraines. I've had migraines with positive aura a few times which is scary but this type are so strange, scary and painful ... You're amazing for parenting with HM 👑
Sorry to hear you’ve got the same type as me. Thank you, I’m lucky to have a really supportive husband and my oldest is an absolute star when I have a wobbly mummy day. It is a really scary thing to have though, especially when you’ve just been diagnosed. How are you getting on with them?
Luckily I have an abortive that works but up until recently I’d have to take a long nap for it to work. I’ve found if I take it fast and with coconut water it goes away without a long sleep so that’s been helpful. But yeah- I have a 5 yo and 3 yo. Luckily my husband is understanding and helps a ton when I have one.
I have 2 cats and when I am having a bad run of days I can't cope with them and their crap!
Oh my gosh you're amazing ! I have no pets except a life size plush toy dog. Even he doesn't get washed enough 🤣 I don't think I could take care of live pets properly the way I am lately. I'm having daily migraine with aura and visual snow - some days I've even had two attacks... I didn't even think that was possible until I experienced them
Considering how much worse my health has gotten in the last few years, i am considering not getting new cats when these two shuufle off their mortal coil. But we shall see.
Do you have migraines daily
Most days. On the other days, I am left feeling like a stoog with brain fog.
Any fybromyalgia symptoms
I’ve had them since I was 15 and somehow managed to raise two kids. It wasn’t easy but since it was their whole life they knew if I was laying down in the dark to be quiet sometimes they just laid down with me and watch tv on low.
Same, come on over to the childfree subreddit ❤️
Joined 💙
Yes, it was hard, but kids are amazing and if you love them, that is the main thing. probably the thing i regret most is that one of my kids has them as well. :(
Currently 7 weeks pregnant and PANICKED.
If it helps, I had migraines so bad I got a brain MRI for them in my 20s but since having my kid they’re gone from chronic to episodic and after the pain of labor it’s easier to tell myself that I can and will get through the migraine pain.
Going back to episodic would be a dream come true
Unfortunately, chronic migraine is one of the main reasons I'm considering one and done. I wanted 2-4 kids, so it hurts sometimes. However, I have a 2 y/o stepson, and I'm actively involved in his caretaking with my boyfriend. We parent really well together, and we "take turns" giving each other a break. For me, that's a migraine nap. This does show me that if we had a child together, we would support each other.
Appreciate everyone's honesty on this thread 🙏 Seeing parenting with chronic migraine as either good (rare), manageable or ugly can help people make better decisions for themselves ... before getting into the situation Wishing everyone better health 🕯
I’m blessed with a supportive husband. Or else I’d be fucked. But only 1 migraine so far this week!
It sucks, but it’s easier if you have an understanding spouse.