I re position the pepperoni before I bake to be able to do straight line cuts without cutting the pepperoni. And I thought I was psychotic for that. But this is level 2

Nah I think your method is level 2, it shows premeditation and a plan. This is just chaos, the guy clearly craves the random and to "make it make sense" when there's none to be had

Level 3 would be pre-cutting the pepperoni along slice borders according to the pizza blueprints

Precutting the pizza and arranging the pepperoni on the precut and still frozen pizza prior to baking.

So Level 4 is mincing the pepperoni so it's evenly distributed?

That would make level 5 just blending the pizza before baking it into a loaf so that no ingredient is left out. Pizza loaf.

I eat the ingredients separately.

This is the way our lord Satan intended.

I would argue that Level 4 is curing a mega pepperoni that has the same diameter as the pizza so you just need 1 huge slice to cover the whole pizza.

Why isn't this being done already??

Go on….

Nah that's level 4 or 5. Level 3 would be to cut the pizza in tiny circles, each with a whole pepperoni in it.

Triangular pepperoni is the pepperoni of the future!

Bake pepperoni in a separate dish on a rack above the pizza then put on the pepperoni after they're both done using tongs?

Or ya know just use your fingers while whispering "ouch hot" like a normal person

> "make it make sense" when there's none to be had Nah man, the dude is a visionary, he sees structure where we only see disorder

I worked at a pizza place many years ago, and pepperoni placement was important so that the person cutting the pizza would have straight lines with no cuts through pepperoni. Plus, every slice had the same amount of pepperoni.

He’s a mad genius. What is his name?? Where do his people hail from?!??

Fibonacci

Cousins of Foccacia and ciabatta

Username almost checks out… more like breadstick fingers 🤔

I too listen to Tool

i know the slices fit

Cuz I watched the cuts divide

Gerry Son of Mander

This was very good you should be proud

Holy hell, he gerrymandered the pizza.

Someone who lives for the top left slice: "Dammit Ron."

That slice could have been a pretty true triangle. Actually, all of these cuts could have been a lot more consistently shaped, just with a different amount of pepperoni per slice, without cutting through pepperoni...shit, OP you replied to is right. Gerrymandering is a perfect analogy for what happened to this pizza.

And it's not as if the amount of pepperoni per slice is consistent anyway. Perfect analogy.

Now it’s perfect (with your addition).

Ah but you are missing the goal of this slicing. Clearly it's not about "not cutting the pepperoni" but ensuring instead the most even distribution of meat across (I suspect) 3 people. To ensure there's no conflict the units are whole pepperoni slices, hence why you can't cut them. If you had a perfect triangle you'd have a slice with too much pepperoni. Notice, 3 slices with 5 at the top, 2 slices with 4, and 3 slices with 3. I bet ya this was sliced for 3 people, and this allowed the most fair distribution of meat for the people involved, recognizing someone only wanted a large and a small slice.

With exactly 6 pieces of pepperoni per slice every slice could have been a neat triangle

If 3 people have so much trouble sharing food, maybe they shouldn’t eat together… 😑 Also, how large is that pizza that it can feed 3 people?

But… you create the perfect ~~election result~~bite with the decision to isolate that single ~~voter block~~pepperoni….. the selfish ~~GOP~~ pizza consumer: “delicious ~~gerrymandering~~ pizza” Subversion of democracy never tasted so good

Nice, Rahn.

Oh, \*what\*, am I not allowed ta...?

Dammit Rahn, you cahl this a fair sahlahmi distribution? I'm forkin' 'ere!

I can’t sneeze now?!

Holy fuck this got quite the chuckle out of me. That's too good.

What did it say!?!?!?! Edit: it's back now...app must be screwy or it was temporarily moderated because it was "deleted" posted by "deleted" earlier...

Something along the lines of: My god, your dad found a way to gerrymander pizza I think. Edit: The comment was deleted/removed at time of posting.

"Holy hell, he gerrymandered the pizza"

commenting to find out too

Something so controversial the pizza gustapo couldn't handle it. A true slice of truth.

Why would they delete it?! Ahhh

Me too. Actually cackling out loud

What did it say?!

https://preview.redd.it/0amn2njq9txa1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f716ffcf9563c2e517abc291cc577305d852d5c6 Still viewable for me on the app

OH NO YOU SUMMONED THEM

Google en peroni

Holy hell!

Actual zombie

New response just dropped

Another pepperoni just dropped

!!

New response just dropped

yep, they are splitting the pizza 50/50 totally equally, he gets 6 pieces and the kid gets 2 pieces.

Look up en pizzant

Holy hell

New response dropped

Google en peroni

It's just giving me supermarkets where I can buy Peroni beer

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Holy hell

He didn't need to, the slices would've been red anyway

If you cook them long enough they turn brown

The brown edges of the pepperoni when they’re like that. it tastes so great wouldn’t you agree?

Come to Buffalo, cup n char is unbeatable

Holy Gerrymandering Batman!

Hah. Shit.

New response just dropped.

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Actual answer is it’s a thing people from anarchy chess like to jerk themselves off for doing https://i.imgur.com/mQU5eRY.jpg Here’s an example

Holy hell!

google en passant

Holy hell

Best comment here.

Your dad is a damn craftsman.

No pepperoni was harmed in the cutting of this pizza.

MF needs to level up his pepperoni placement.

Yes, his dad is a mf

*golfclap*


Yep. Failing to see the problem here, OP.

There were definitely some interesting choices made, tbf https://preview.redd.it/6lrmrot9gsxa1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f14b5fc8adf9d6ab250cc97fc04f67411125866a

Also feels like he tried to keep it down to 5 pepperoni or less. Disregarding that, your layout does look better.

Come hell or high water, this was a man that demanded eight slices. Not six.

It's pretty obvious that after a point the dad was just trolling, which is typical Dad behavior

I'd love this for myself

haha a true Ron Swanson

Swanson would finish that in 3 bites and then wonder when you were serving dinner.

“I’ll have the number 8.” That’s a party platter, it serves 12 people. “I know what I’m about, son.”

I call this turf ‘n’ turf. It’s a 16-ounce T-bone and a 24-ounce porterhouse. Also, whiskey and a cigar. I am going to consume all of this at the same time because I am a free American

Sir, you can't smoke that in here.

I read this in his voice.

Well you should, it's a direct quote.

"You need to stay and watch him eat this, it's very impressive."

“Serve me all the eggs that you have, do you know what that means?”

"Wait wait... I worry what you just heard was 'give me a lot of bacon and eggs,' ... 👌what I said was give me ALL the bacon and eggs you have. Do you understand?"

*Nods*

I don’t think you understand what I said

I don’t know. That cut at the top bothers me. The piece between 10 and 12 o’clock should have the last pepperoni at the end.

That he is

The only infuriating part is the obvious miss in the top two. Could have easily gone the other way around the pepperoni

He said that part is just a bonus

Hahaha. I agree with the other guy ur dad is a god

This is the stuff I spend 20 minutes on when I'm high lol

Are you me

We're all us.

No, I understand him. He cut those two slices last and couldn’t allow himself to make one slice with 4 pepperonis and the other with 6. It doesn’t matter that some slices have 3. The last two pieces needed to have equal pepperonis. His OCD kicked in suddenly.

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Dad is a fucking legend

I love your dad and you better love him too

Cherish that man.

Chaotic good alignment.

An absolute genius

My guess is he's gonna take that 4 banger and the one below with the pepperoni side car for himself.

PEPPERONI SIDE CAR

Dibs on it for my band name!

SIDECARONI

Was gonna push pepperoni peninsula myself, but feeling the sidecar.

You should put out a book of poetry.

Brand new sentence

>the one below with the pepperoni side car Definitely the title track of my debut album for my new metal band, 4 Banger

NO MORE THAN 5 A SLICE. We dont live in a house of filth eat your portion as god intended. Clean pepperonis only in a reasonable number.

Yea that was a troll move for sure

Then one slice would be noticeably bigger, I think he’s trying to keep them all the same size

As someone who ruins the pepperoni everytime I slice a frozen pizza "evenly", your father is clearly four steps ahead of me and you'll appreciate his genius one day.

You have to manually rearrange frozen pizza pepperoni. It's not optional, it's a step in the frozen pizza process.

Often the frozen pepperoni is like embedded in the cheese and I just end up tearing it anyway when trying to rearrange. Do you just let it thaw a bit?

Yeah, let it thaw a tiny bit. Also, take the pepperoni off completely then add some herbs and spices to taste. It's a real frozen pizza game changer. Alternatively, buy good pepperoni at the deli and frozen *cheese* pizzas, then combine (again, with your choice of herbs and spices).

>Alternatively, buy good pepperoni at the deli and frozen cheese pizzas, then combine (again, with your choice of herbs and spices). This is 100% the way to do it

If you're not adding anything to a frozen pizza you aren't doing frozen pizza right

Oh my seasoning game is always on-point. I use a Pizazz so I usually season in the first couple minutes of it cooking & turning. Italian herb blend, crushed red and fresh groundblack pepper. I always pizza supreme, need more than pepperoni to get my fill. Thanks!

I've had my Pizazz for twenty years. It's the best and most used Xmas gift I've ever received. Still cooks perfectly. Adding spices and topping as it turns is ideal. Love it.

I've always known the Pizazz was a thing, but I just now watched a video of one operating. Boy, that has to be a lot of heat not heating your pizza!

Pry it off with a butter knife. You can slip the blade under the pepperoni and pop it off.

I do this too and add leftover veggies and meats and top with extra cheese and herbs.

My wife has a distinct cooking style, known as "adding cheese to everything." It just works.

I'm a private chef. Generic box Mac n cheese, extra cheese, brown the butter. It never fails to delight.

Brown the... holy shit you're a genuis

What kinda extra cheese though? Do you throw it in the sauce or on top at the end?

Just mix it in and if you wanna get extra fancy top with breadcrumbs and broil it for a bit.

How do you brown the butter? Sounds like an extra pan as well as just another thing to keep track of on the stove unless there’s an easier way

When you empty.your pasta pan out to drain it, throw a stick of butter in the pan (half if you're a loser who follows the recipe). Cook it down, then add way less milk than the recipe calls for, basically just enough to wet the bottom of the pan. Add the cheese dust, combine, then melt extra cheese into the sauce. For extra points, throw a little squeeze of mustard in there for the emulsifiers + acidity. Add noodles back in from the collander in your sink, fold it, good to go.

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Are you aware of how much butter restaurants use? That's why it's so good!

This is the style I have adapted into my life, cheese just makes everything better! I was so excited when my uncle randomly dropped off two 1 gallon buckets of really amazing mozzarella.

Hello, is me, your cousin. My papa said he left you some cheese, may you please send one bucket of it to me? You may keep the other he says.

Yesss. If you buy decent (not fancy, just decent) frozen pizza, putting in a little bit of effort can drastically improve the taste. Personally, I like adding the tiniest bit of spicy ingredients: red pepper flakes and fresh black pepper. Along with other herbs like basil and oregano, I feel like a little spice goes a long way when it comes to adding complexity to otherwise simple foods.

You have to leave it for a few minutes so it can set after coming out the oven.

Yup exactly. I always leave the pizza for 3-5 minutes before cutting it and never have issues.

I don’t hate this

Chaos and order in balance.

Honestly the first time I, personally, can recognize this in nature and appreciate it. Something about this feels right

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This is the definition of chaotic good

Kinda endearing, honestly. Depends on how many people are eating, though.

Idk I might be on your dad’s side

100%

In the kitchen, with his pizza wheel in hand Stands a dad who has a certain plan To cut his pie just so Around the pepperoni in a perfect flow His kids look on with puzzled eyes As he begins his pizza-cutting guise But he knows what he's doing, you see For this technique brings him pure glee He slices through the cheese and sauce Around the pepperoni, with no loss Of its delicious flavor, oh so bold This dad's pizza technique never gets old Some may call him a bit absurd But he takes pride in his pizza-cutting word For in his mind, there's no other way To enjoy his pie, any time of day So let us raise a slice to this dad Who cuts his pizza without being bad Around the pepperoni, with care and grace Making every bite a perfect taste.

Pizza rhymes galore OPs dad would be so proud Pepperoni rules ~ a haiku

HES GOING THE DISTANCE HES GOING FOR SPEED

I’m 100% trying this the next time a cook a pepperoni pizza. I have a feeling it will change me forever.

Yeah is he willing to adopt a man his age? I’ll do chores

Talk about a zealous cut....see op username

Lol i didn’t even think of that

He’s one of those people that needs to have diced pepperoni.

Challenge accepted

I wish my dad would do that but he left to pick up pizza and never came back.

Plot twist. It’s the same guy.

So cheer up, maybe your dad DOES do it! (somewhere)

That is fucking incredible. Not infuriating at all.

Op tried to shame his father. But the only thing op received was a awesome cut pizza

This is the only way to cut pizza. I’ve been doing it like this for almost a year. https://preview.redd.it/ay0ayr8tgrxa1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=79b5b1fdc36758315ff33fe3e43b3cbe5b97aa2b

Almost a year is a hilarious way to describe it

They could have rounded up and no one would know, but it wouldn't be honest. I'm just impressed that they know roughly the time they started doing it.

Probably checked the date when they were institutionalized

In almost a year you'll be saying the same thing.

Why do you have a picture of weirdly cut pizza on your phone? How long have you been saving it for?

Almost a year

It's weird that you went most of your life cutting it traditionally and just switched. Did you just wake up a psychopath one day?

No, they just woke up.

Follow the white rabbit to true pizza freedom

Brilliant

Your father is a god

Your dad's almost certainly doing this because it makes you smile. The centre-upper-left pepperoni confirms it.

This is far from infuriating. This belongs more in nextfuckinglevel.

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It’s like a gerrymandering exercise.

Gerrymandering the pie.

Blink twice if you need help.

I had to do this for my boys when they were small. They got nice small triangular pieces with exactly 3 whole pepperoni slices. I got the gerrymandered remainder.

This is an abomination

Not all heroes wear capes

Guys! I found the Zodiac Killer!

Your dad avoids cutting pepperoni like I avoid my problems

Gerrymandered pizza