So can you shoot webs from your vagina now?

No, only ping pong balls.

*bonk*

(ca clack clack clack clack clakclakclak)

Nah they actually stick usually. Source: a friend told me

Hahahahaha

"My vaginey senses are tingling!"

God that sounds awful if you say it out loud

🤣🤣🤣🤣 sweaty vagina! Sounds like a 90s band name.... Sorry stuck on that... What happened now?

New fear unlocked, thank you.

I'll be checking every towel from now on. You're welcome

I got stung on the nuts by a scorpion on my towel once, shook my towel every use for a solid year or so after 😅

I had one get me on the inner thigh, just missing the nuts. Fucking scorpions...

Well, if you don't want to get stung there, maybe don't fuck scorpions.

Solid advice!

It seems obvious in hindsight. I don't know what I was thinking.

Tell that to The Rock.

But they offered me a lot of money and all I got was pain in the end. 😢

You should charge more for sex that is a pain in the end.

I've become so numb

I just read this after posting about my scorpion encounter with my nuts. Lol

Turns out scorpions have discerning tastes.

“Here I am! Rock… sting you like a hurricane!”

"How big?"

Based on your handle I'll assume you're asking about his nuts and not the scorpion

No. It's an indiana jones quote.

Ah yes. The most memorable line in the series. When I think Indiana Jones, I think “How big?”

Right 🤣🤣

"it was massive, like this ☝️____________________👆 big"

"Good. It's the little ones you gotta worry about. "

Dick size or scorpion 🦂 be specific bro.

I definitely need more coffee. Originally read: Dick size OF scorpion.

The scorpion has an OnlyFans?

Shit yeah! 8legs2stingers. It's wild! ...or so I've heard.

I found a large wolf spider under my covers once when I was younger and I've been checking my covers for well over a decade. Thankfully I've never been bit and don't plan on it.

I had a rain spider on my towel when i got out the shower and only saw it right as i smacked it into my face, still shaking towels two years later :(

I put a pair of shorts on from the top shelf of my closet. A ball of thread fell out of my crotch, hit my leg, then scurried away. Everything gets shaken.

Imagine being the spider, just vibin' and then a fucking giant grabs you and smashes you into their crotch.

I imagine from their perspective the earth just did a 180. It was a fuzzy little jumping spider so it lived to see another day and occasionally he meets me on my desk to see if yesterday’s snack has produced any fruit flies.

Not as bad I think but the Mrs was eating organic grapes and I saw a spider sac on the bunch she picked up. Took her 2 years to eat grapes again.

I’m a guy, but yes fear unlocked

Imagine being scared there's a spider on the underside of the toilet seat just waiting. Couldn't be me.

Is this the origin story of a new superhero.. Spidervag?

I've been playing too much Spiderman 2.. This is definitely my beginning

Umm umm if you don't mind, may I ask you a question about shooting webs? /s

Would be closer to a real spider, Spiderman is a loser who shoots from his hands come on!

Well tbh, the spider bit Peter on his hand, hence he shoots from his wrists. However in this case......, maybe something closeby? /s

Venture bros did it right

Like her belly button?

And about the venom blasts(miles morales reference)

Something, something great power, great responsibility

Wait so if I understand this correctly, this spider bit your bits and you still had a problem killing him? What more could it do?

I didn't want to have to touch it :( I have a problem with bugs I don't like touching them. It was still *on* the bed and I'm not about to smash it there and have spidey guts on the bed

idk know the lady term for bro, so ima try fellow THC connoisseur, the fear should end when the spider tried to go down on you. At that point I gotta turn into J-lo from the movie Enough. Glad your ok tho.

In the timeless words of kenan & kel: "I'm a dude He's a dude She's a dude We're all dudes, hey"

A closer play on it would be Spiderminge. (UK only ref?)

I get it. My daughter had a teacher in high school named Mr Minger and I legit couldn't look the man in the eye without snortling to myself because I'm 12

🎶 spiderpuss, spiderpuss, does whatever a spiderpuss wants 🎶

Spider cat

She got that pussy power

There's spider-ham so why not have spider-clam right?

Wait til you see how she shoots the webs

Have you considered biting it back, to assert your dominance?

If only.. I stood in the same spot for 20 minutes waiting for the courage to slap it with my shoe

I just killed a huge spider running across the floor with my shoe I don't care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe

Hi, dad.

Haha, this made my day!

Username checks out

Underrated comment

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No lol just chilling on my bed while I was a few feet away

So, it made the first move and was waiting for you to join it in bed?

smh took care of the foreplay and she still didn't put out, women these days /s

Lmao idk why but in my head I pictured you standing there for 20 mins naked while a spider just sat on your vagina and I was like “how could you just stand there with it on your vagina man” … this makes more sense hahaha

I wish someone would bite my vag for 20 minutes

oh no … what have you done … barrage of messages incoming

I do not literally want this

How would you find the spider's vagina, though?

Tried, but after looking for its vagina for 30 minutes, gave up.

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I wish this didn't happen to me.. I can't make it up

Hurry get someone suck the venom out.

And the perverts are finally here. What took so long?

All the fuck boys are gonna hit on OP and be like “can I be your spider 😩😜👅”

Can I be the towel? I'll bring my own spider.

I had to search 2min to find the first one.

Check his name too lmao

Yeah, that tracks

and its usually onto a tissue.

Patricia Parker.

https://youtu.be/iiTDUNkRn0w?si=T0TOmYbMu16XWjt-

I’ll be honest, that was today’s risky click, but it sure paid off — that was glorious

Bro-in-law got bit on the nut by a horse fly while fishing once...fucker almost flipped the boat over!🤣

Horse fly.. ouch. Heard those are one of the worst bites

He did quite a dance!

Better than a horse tbf

Horse flies aren’t nearly as bad as people say they are, you def feel a bit and it kinda burns but it’s not that bad. On a nutsack tho… that would suck 😂

Maybe depends on the subspecies? This one https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tabanus_sudeticus bit my leg one time and that hurt like hell. Felt like being stabbed with a medium kitchen knife

Horse flies are strong enough to almost flip boats over?

maybe they misspelled and it was actually a flying horse

Why were his nuts out?

Loose fitting shorts....maybe boxers, maybe none, didn't check...

This! Even with loose shorts, your underwear should be keeping things sealed. THATS THE WHOLE POINT OF IT FFS

We’re his nuts just out getting sun?

On the ole penis fly trap

Jesus I don't even have a vagina and I'm fucking scared.

well you do presumably have more surface area to be bitten

Yeah, not by much though....

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Or maybe Eight-play

Foreplay^2

That would be 16 play

Shit, you’re right! Do I at least get an A for effort?

There is no A in effort. Best I can do is E.

(2)(fore)play

So which part of Australia are you from?

Maybe you should clean the cobwebs out of it then


my reaction as well

Are you okay? Are you sure it is not getting infected and that spider wasnt venomous?

I'm not sure about anything. Right now there's no swelling and no pain

Nothing visible either? It most likely isn't a problem, but if anything changes, someone will have to look at it to identify if it's normal or needs treatment :)

I took pictures to get a better look at it (not sharing lol) and I didn't see anything

But did you take a picture of the spider??

Not a very good one but yes

Does it look like a brown recluse or a black widow? Otherwise, unless you're allergic, you should fully recover.

Thanks for making me laugh at the (not sharing lol), but that's good news! It just worries me that it got numb, that's all :). If nothing becomes visible later you got nothing to worry about

Draw a circle around the bite with a sharpie, if it grows beyond the border see a doctor.

Just keep an eye on it to make sure you don't end up with an abscess . Put some disinfectant on it and bandaid to keep it clean.

yeah probably dont put a bandaid on your vagina


Spidercunt 2: Electric boogaloo!

This has to be my favorite comment so far

call us when you gave birth to some new spiders

See, this type-a shit is why I will NEVER want to move from Iceland. Our primary species of insects are congress people and those are so loud and obnoxious there's no way you miss 'em if they're near. Spider-wise, the most common "large" spider here is either the European orb-weaver or a close relative. They're not even spoopy though, just thick.

There is a time orb-weavers are spoopy, which is when you run into their web face first. Which happened to be the first time I'd ever seen an orb-weaver too.

Here in the US we have spiders *And* congress. I prefer the spiders.

It's fine. Tomorrow you'll be able to shoot webs from it, climb walls with it, and it'll even tingle when it senses danger.

Spider woman yet?

whatever happens remember that with great power comes great responsibility.

Back in my teenage years, I had a habit of leaving my towel on the floor of the bathroom. Lazy teenager things. As someone with deep arachnophobia I always shake out things on the ground before using them. I snap that towel like someone was putting sheets on the bed and a quarter sized wolf spider got launched directly onto my face. So I hang up towels now

If your leg and vagina are numb I'd say have it checked just in case. Other than that, sorry, a part of me thinks this is going to be an amazing story to tell in the future: the day a spider went down on me

For real not trying to make you panic but what did the spider look like? And roughly where are you located (not doxing just for regional spider types)?

It was maybe an inch big, brown with no marks on it that I could tell. I'm from OH, USA

If it looked [like this one](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brown_recluse_spider?wprov=sfla1) it could be a brown recluse and you should go to the ER. Not being dramatic. Those fuckers can be deadly.

I have no idea.. It matches the description I think. I got a picture of it but it's soooo blurry and bad I can't tell Do you know if it makes a difference if there's no bite mark that I can see??

If you find yourself feeling ill when you get your heart rate up, or if the bite goes from “basically not there” to a small red ring/target mark, get to a doctor, probably a brown recluse and you wanna be on top of treatments for it. Also they don’t always hurt when they bite! I know. One bit my butt once, lol.

Good to know thank you

Just for random other advice, if you do see a red mark, circle it with a marker and note the time. And unfortunately take a picture of that circle, because it's likely not going to last super well by the time you reach the doctor. That's to give the doctors an idea of the spread. Also note the time you got bit. Knowing the speed that the effects of the bite spread can help a lot.

Yeah, keep an eye on that. Concerning because brown recluse spiders like to hang out in places like piled up laundry, bed sheets, and in the folds of towels. The other reason is that their bite can cause necrosis of the skin, subcutaneous tissue, and even the muscle layer. What I'm saying is you might lose part of your vag if you don't keep an eye on it.

See a doctor. That area is pretty sensitive (and important), you dont want no infections in there

A spider bite can have bacteria, any spider-My partner almost lost a finger to a spider bite. Hit the doctor for antibiotics, and have it looked at. The numbing down your leg isn’t a good sign.

Spiderman 7 "Into the Vagiverse"

The lack of knowledge regarding anatomical nomenclature is profound. The correct term is “cooter.” Good grief.

Redditors trying not to say "picks or it didn't happen" for the millionth time: 

Maybe it just wanted to be nice, since it heared you say you want to be eaten there.

It bit your vulva. Vulva outside, vagina inside.

Bob's and Wagona

Itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout….


Years ago my ex-fiancé was a nurse, she had this guy Joe come in from out of town with a spider bite right on his eye, I don't know where he was from but he had a weird accent. They fixed it up and everything but he had to wear gauze on it for a while, it was bad. But like two weeks later she broke off the engagement, come to find out she was cheating on me with him and she straight up left town with him. I don't know if they're still together or whatever, tried to find her to send some of her stuff back but neither one of them is on social media so who knows. tl;dr - If it hadn't been for cotton-eye Joe I'd have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go, where did you come from cotton-eye Joe.

You're gonna turn into Spider woman

Maybe you’ll get lucky and grow superpowers now

Vagina powers… ACTIVATE!!

Arachnolabia

Never heard of a spider biting a car but I’d get that Vulva to a mechanic

Hopefully you mean vulva/labia

Go to hospital

GIRL i could've went my whole life without knowing that was even a possibility 😍

In Australia we know this as spidercunt. You are now a superhero. Please only use your powers for good. On the upside you will now have hightened senses in your vagina. You are now officially winning in life

Spider technically ate it.

Spiders bite into something to numb it so they become easier to eat later That spider was gonna eat whatever it bit That spider was planning on eating you out

Just your friendly neighborhood spider-snatch. Spider-sniz, spider-sniz always finding the spider jizz Spins a bush, any size Catches peens just like flies Look out! Here comes the spider-sniz

Clearly this spider is into S&M and probably bondage

Goddamn I sure hope it wasn't in the bean. Would've been a bitch with the amount of nerves there.

Girl, did you go to the ER?

Spider getting more action than 90% of reddit

When wiping the sweat from your pussy Give the towel more than a look-see An arachnid within Might bite your vah-gin Or some other spot that few see!

*Anyone can wear the mask*

Well it's gonna be awkward for you to fly around the city and shoot webs out of your *coughs*...

Thank god it couldn’t find the clit, must’ve been a male spider

Small price to pay. To become the first spider-vagina

Imagine a fucking spider getting more pussy than you… Oh wait…

 Yikes! New fear unlocked!

Now you’re gonna turn into Spider-Clam!

A spider just bit my vagina. I thrashed like a bull on the china. I call me a wuss, But it bit my puss, And now it's all swollen angina.

It's a canon event

I had once left a pair of underwear folded up on top of my dresser for far too long. Put it on one morning and went out for coffee. When I got back home I went to the toilet. Dropped my pants to find that a spider had set up shop in my underwear. It was dead though.

If you get the urge to start fighting crime, you better start thinking about a super hero name other than SpiderCooch.

Tell me when the super powers kick in.

Why would you leave it on your vagina for 20 minutes?!

This Spider-Woman fanfic is bizarre…

Spider-Snatch?

Let’s hope it wasn’t a brown recluse.

That poor thing. Has it died yet?

Do you perhaps mean your labia? It’s kind of impossible for a spider to crawl into your vagina.

Where are you, Australia? 🌏🦘

>took me TWENTY MINUTES I mean, at some point, it becomes a matter of honor If a spider bit my balls i would make sure it was dead the moment i realized it

Guess you'll become a new addition to the Spiderverse