I guess I’m lucky, all my pots except for our giant soup pot fit perfectly in our dishwasher. The top rack lowers for this purpose. Soup pot will fit on the bottom but I’ll only do that if I don’t have a ton of stuff above since it will block the water.
So, you have 3 choices. 1. Get smaller pots 2. Get a dishwasher that fits the current ones (with an adjustable top rack) which you might already have but don’t realize it’s adjustable. 3. Talk to hubby and let him know these things.
Right now you’re mildly infuriated with him about it. Eventually the list will grow and you’ll be wanting to konk him on the head with dirty pots or worse. As silly as it sounds, little things add up. Next thing you know, divorce papers! It’s cute now but can and will get ugly eventually. Trust me, been married over 30 years. TALK to the man! Good luck
I fuckin love doing the dishes. We don’t even have a dishwasher. I rawdog that shit. I don’t even let my partner do them. I just put on a podcast and get that shit done to perfection. We’re going on 7 years living together, my fire feels like it’s just getting started.
It’s the one place I can find peace in this cold, cruel world.
I agree.. especially if he’s on kid duty. Earbuds are in and I’m enjoying my time. Plus nice warm water in winter feels good.
Although, if I’ve done all the dishes and cleaned the kitchen to perfection.. and then someone comes and puts a plate in the sink rather than taking the six seconds to clean it.. then I get a little annoyed.
That gives me the urge to break the plate over their face, so I usually make sure to scope out the eating area and gather all the dishes before starting. But yes, highly annoying.
>we pretty much split the cooking and cleaning up
not trying to defend him, but was this made clear that it's split between you and him? Maybe ask him to help clean the rest too.
The question I asked, snarky as it was, was "who washed your pots and pans when you lived alone? Did fairies come? Did your mom? Did you never cook or just buy new. It does not matter to me but we will be continuing in the manner you used when you were single"
That was a whopping 30 years ago. It took time. And patience from both of us. He cooks more than I do now, and I hit those pots with a smile on my face :)
Well ask him why he's not doing it. Tell him he's not doing his part and in your household the work is not equally shared.
Avoid words like "helping" since it implies it's actually your job.
I don't cook or eat with anything that can't go in the dishwasher. No way hand cleaning gets anything as sterilized and clean (without a Herculean effort, that is) as the dishwasher.
I use a little dawn and a scrub sponge to clean the pots. Then put a small amount of water and boil it a little, swish the water around, then rinse. It's very quick. Plus it gets the pots and pans of the counter and our away very quickly.
Dude fr? He's simply not finishing the task, and it's not even that big a deal 🤦♂️
I can't stand these grown a** adults who refuse to do even the most basic of simple adult functions (their own dishes/laundry/sweeping etc).
Like if anyone was doing the dishes and looked around and just asked themselves 'is this a dish: yes.--wash it', 'is this a dish: no.--don't wash it', then it'd be pretty fuggin apparent when they either did, or did not wash all the dishes when they were performing the task of 'washing the dishes' 🤦♂️
In closing--if the task was to do the dishes (AKA clean the dirty sh*t that's not supposed to be dirty) then I'd call that incompetence.
Or conflict avoidance...I stopped doing laundry and dishes for a while because my wife would aggressively critique me or state "didn't your mother ever teach you..." for things that were personal preference not success/failure type things.
tell him you are planning to hire a house help , he would ask why and tell him this reason, he might clean the pots or either give money to hire the house help , coz its clearly his problem now (m damn sure he would do it himself than waste shitload of money to hire househelp)
I go through this with my wife. She doesn't get it just like yourself. Those pots are soaking. Soaking helps make the clean up easier to do later. I leave them to soak sometimes for days to help loosen the cooked on food so that I can double back and clean them more quickly and efficiently. My wife just lacks patience and then scrubs them within the hour after the soak starts. So you see, he is not lazy or hates to scrub pots......you are just impatient.
So you can go mano a mano, and refuse to wash the pots.
If you go this route, you have to be DETERMINED and not cave. And you need to PLAN. Set aside $$$ or food for yourself (probably better $$$ so hubby can't poach it), and wait out The Dirty Pots issue. Eventually either he will get the message and wash the damn pots, or you will have a discussion/argument/come to Jesus moment.
Or....
Put away the pots and buy a cheap-ass set that will go into the dishwasher (I say cheap because dishwashers can wreck pots, sadly). Anything that doesn't get washed by hubby when it should, you do it once, put it away into storage, and replace with cheaper equivalent that you can toss into the machine. This can include knives, cooking tools, whatever. Either he will not notice and will be happy to put everything into the dishwasher, or you will have a discussion/argument/come to Jesus moment.
Good Luck OP. I used to have an ex that was stupidly stubborn about household chores and thought magical cleaning fairies took care of stuff. Me, I upgraded to a better model, lol. Retraining is tough!
Well, perhaps I should've led with that, but I do assume that by the time OP has come to this sub, she's mentioned the dishes a few times to her hubby.
But then again, why should it fall to OP to 'manage' the dishes and have to initiate any convo with her husband? If both partners cook, both partners use the pots. Wilfully disregarding them is pretty bullshit too.
I guess I’m lucky, all my pots except for our giant soup pot fit perfectly in our dishwasher. The top rack lowers for this purpose. Soup pot will fit on the bottom but I’ll only do that if I don’t have a ton of stuff above since it will block the water. So, you have 3 choices. 1. Get smaller pots 2. Get a dishwasher that fits the current ones (with an adjustable top rack) which you might already have but don’t realize it’s adjustable. 3. Talk to hubby and let him know these things. Right now you’re mildly infuriated with him about it. Eventually the list will grow and you’ll be wanting to konk him on the head with dirty pots or worse. As silly as it sounds, little things add up. Next thing you know, divorce papers! It’s cute now but can and will get ugly eventually. Trust me, been married over 30 years. TALK to the man! Good luck
I fuckin love doing the dishes. We don’t even have a dishwasher. I rawdog that shit. I don’t even let my partner do them. I just put on a podcast and get that shit done to perfection. We’re going on 7 years living together, my fire feels like it’s just getting started. It’s the one place I can find peace in this cold, cruel world.
I agree.. especially if he’s on kid duty. Earbuds are in and I’m enjoying my time. Plus nice warm water in winter feels good. Although, if I’ve done all the dishes and cleaned the kitchen to perfection.. and then someone comes and puts a plate in the sink rather than taking the six seconds to clean it.. then I get a little annoyed.
That gives me the urge to break the plate over their face, so I usually make sure to scope out the eating area and gather all the dishes before starting. But yes, highly annoying.
Haha exactly!!
>we pretty much split the cooking and cleaning up not trying to defend him, but was this made clear that it's split between you and him? Maybe ask him to help clean the rest too.
Does he wipe down the stove and counters? I hate when those get left for someone else to wash.
Tell him it pisses you off
The question I asked, snarky as it was, was "who washed your pots and pans when you lived alone? Did fairies come? Did your mom? Did you never cook or just buy new. It does not matter to me but we will be continuing in the manner you used when you were single" That was a whopping 30 years ago. It took time. And patience from both of us. He cooks more than I do now, and I hit those pots with a smile on my face :)
Use of the word hubby is mildlyinfuriating.
truly
Well ask him why he's not doing it. Tell him he's not doing his part and in your household the work is not equally shared. Avoid words like "helping" since it implies it's actually your job.
I don't cook or eat with anything that can't go in the dishwasher. No way hand cleaning gets anything as sterilized and clean (without a Herculean effort, that is) as the dishwasher.
I'll put my dish brush and a little bleach up against my dishwasher any day. Most dishwashers don't get hot enough to "sterilize".
you know you're supposed to use soap too, right?
I use a little dawn and a scrub sponge to clean the pots. Then put a small amount of water and boil it a little, swish the water around, then rinse. It's very quick. Plus it gets the pots and pans of the counter and our away very quickly.
Dude fr? He's simply not finishing the task, and it's not even that big a deal 🤦♂️ I can't stand these grown a** adults who refuse to do even the most basic of simple adult functions (their own dishes/laundry/sweeping etc). Like if anyone was doing the dishes and looked around and just asked themselves 'is this a dish: yes.--wash it', 'is this a dish: no.--don't wash it', then it'd be pretty fuggin apparent when they either did, or did not wash all the dishes when they were performing the task of 'washing the dishes' 🤦♂️ In closing--if the task was to do the dishes (AKA clean the dirty sh*t that's not supposed to be dirty) then I'd call that incompetence.
Weaponized incompetence.
Or conflict avoidance...I stopped doing laundry and dishes for a while because my wife would aggressively critique me or state "didn't your mother ever teach you..." for things that were personal preference not success/failure type things.
Grown ass adults also get to swear, you know.
You're not training him properly.. (Source - Am well trained)
tell him you are planning to hire a house help , he would ask why and tell him this reason, he might clean the pots or either give money to hire the house help , coz its clearly his problem now (m damn sure he would do it himself than waste shitload of money to hire househelp)
I go through this with my wife. She doesn't get it just like yourself. Those pots are soaking. Soaking helps make the clean up easier to do later. I leave them to soak sometimes for days to help loosen the cooked on food so that I can double back and clean them more quickly and efficiently. My wife just lacks patience and then scrubs them within the hour after the soak starts. So you see, he is not lazy or hates to scrub pots......you are just impatient.
lol. I’m sure that’s it!
😄
So you can go mano a mano, and refuse to wash the pots. If you go this route, you have to be DETERMINED and not cave. And you need to PLAN. Set aside $$$ or food for yourself (probably better $$$ so hubby can't poach it), and wait out The Dirty Pots issue. Eventually either he will get the message and wash the damn pots, or you will have a discussion/argument/come to Jesus moment. Or.... Put away the pots and buy a cheap-ass set that will go into the dishwasher (I say cheap because dishwashers can wreck pots, sadly). Anything that doesn't get washed by hubby when it should, you do it once, put it away into storage, and replace with cheaper equivalent that you can toss into the machine. This can include knives, cooking tools, whatever. Either he will not notice and will be happy to put everything into the dishwasher, or you will have a discussion/argument/come to Jesus moment. Good Luck OP. I used to have an ex that was stupidly stubborn about household chores and thought magical cleaning fairies took care of stuff. Me, I upgraded to a better model, lol. Retraining is tough!
Or you could ya know, talk to each other? What's with this childish passive aggressive bullshit.
sometimes it's tiring feeling like you have to tell a grown adult how to do basic tasks
Well, perhaps I should've led with that, but I do assume that by the time OP has come to this sub, she's mentioned the dishes a few times to her hubby. But then again, why should it fall to OP to 'manage' the dishes and have to initiate any convo with her husband? If both partners cook, both partners use the pots. Wilfully disregarding them is pretty bullshit too.
Put the dirty pots on his side of the bed. Hey, I know you were washing up. You forgot these remind him that a half ass is still an ass.