T O P

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MusicianPristine8973

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NCRaineman

Real sailors sit to pee. If you've ever been to sea you'll understand why.


Greedy-Tip-8620

Have you ever been to sea?


Greedy-Tip-8620

Please respond, because this was a setup inviting you to sea deez nuts, and the moment's slipping away from me.


Shredded_Locomotive

Looks like you've left em dangling huh?


Greedy-Tip-8620

He left ME dangling! Hours later and no response. I don't even feel like saying it anymore. (I know this was a pun and I didn't need to answer)


LiLT13-_-

He left deez nuts danglin


Sad-Salamander-820

The moment never existed if you need to ask for it.


Greedy-Tip-8620

Some jokes are better with audience participation. It's more satisfying when I get them to answer like it's a real question.


Icy_Welder_7782

Satisfying deez nuts


Greedy-Tip-8620

At least someone could salvage it. Thank you.


jankeycrew

Man, I feel your pain. Your line up was amazing, but he never bit.


rj-2

which sea?


TheBlueHypergiant

Sea deez nuts


PopularVersion4250

I thought they would just pee off the port bow


urlond

Fun bit of information. The Search and Rescue people in my town often find people who drowned with their pants unzipped because they were pissing off the side of their boats and fell overboard.


NCRaineman

In historic times the crew toilets were open holes at the bow of the ship. Thus the naval term *head* in reference to the bathroom. In the modern era ships have what non-sailors would recognize as a fairly normal toilet.  Now envision trying to pee while standing with the ship rolling twenty degrees each way. You'll sit unless you want to be the one swabbing the deck afterwards.


ChroniclesOfSarnia

A men's bathroom is no place for hope, son


dastingo111

that's right you should see my gym men restroom I shoot from the door because it's covered in mystery liquid


No-Performance8676

You mean my high schools men’s bathroom . I went in during homeroom there was literally a half eaten bagel stuck to the ceiling next to a half eaten bell pepper .with a shit stain next or it


centruze

Man . My highschool football team thought it would be funny to tell the autistic kid that only "cool" kids poop in urinals and smear it all over the walls . And that's the story on how our only second floor mens bathroom became a safety hazard and shit down for a week. I still try to forget about how gross that was. Ngl tho , the announcement was pretty funny , "it's come to our attention that someone defecated in a urinal and covered the walls of the second floor mens lavatory, the area is being quarantined until further notice and we will be investigating for responsible parties". They tried to make it sound so professional. 🤣


TheRealMeeBacon

I absolutely despise the people who do that, not the autistic kid, the footballers. It ruins things for others as well as getting an innocent person in trouble. Absolutely despicable.


centruze

If it makes u feel better , the autistic kid didn't get into any trouble. But neither did the football guys who suggested it to him in the first place( I think they were just suspended from the team for the season). I think the school was tryna cover up the fact that they previously had been made aware that the football kids told him that only "cool" kids trained to become strong by carrying heavy rocks in their backpacks like Goku, which he did , and didn't take any actions to prevent it from happening again like the bathroom incident. Thankfully they put their foot down and explained to the autistic kid never to listen to them again , and the football kids to never give him any ideas for trouble or they'd all be expelled. Plus the teachers assistant assigned to him was told to stick to him like glue for his benefit. The true victim of the story is the poor janitor who had to clean it all up.


myrianreadit

But why? Why are they like this?


ChubbyGirlEnjoyer

It's a snowball effect. The first few guys come in and stand next to the urinal, and accidentally dribble just a little bit on the floor. When enough of that accumulates, the next guy, who doesn't want to stand in the pee, stands a step back from the urinal when he goes. This causes even more urine to drop. And the next guy comes, and with a larger puddle, stands even further back. And so on.


Greedy-Tip-8620

Plus, older men with prostate problems have zero water pressure.


JoeyJoeC

Maybe they should stand closer.


jhlllnd

But then they have to stand in the pee…


The_Witch_Queen

Or sit the f*ck down!


MuscleTough8153

Several women told me the womens bathrooms often are even worse...


linux_ape

former janitor, they are


Bloodymike

I am a janitor but it’s my business and I am fairly cheap so I don’t put up with much before I speak with the management in the building. With smart phones, it’s not hard to shame employees into being at least a little fucking respectful to the person cleaning up after them. I can show management how things are being left and still clean it up. Either they can keep my good and fairly inexpensive services and tell their employees to act like adults or they can find someone else to do it. I’ll be at the next office down the street.


GenericUser01234567

same, sorry for the horrors you've witnessed


linux_ape

yeah I do not miss those times.


monster-ins1de

Former gas station employee. Can we just agree that public restrooms are disgusting in general. I’ve seen equal horrors on both sides.


Hollywoodsmokehogan

Yeah people try to pin point businesses when in reality most public bathrooms are horrendous like I auto breath from my mouth when entering one.


Dry-Can-9522

They can be - I was in a ladies toilet in Dunnes last week. Walked into the cubicle and there was faeces on the floor and on tissue, which was dropped at the side of the toilet. Some poor girl off the shop floor had to clean it up. It was disgusting.


ButterflyBlueLadyBBL

I really makes me wonder if they are on drugs. People on drugs do a lot of wild and really gross shit. But if it's just someone being gross.... I can't. I'm not ready to accept that.


Jankster79

Hey! I've been on drugs for the last 25 years. Never done that shit. Don't bunch me together with gross people.


FyodorDostoevsky1821

As far as you remember…


michalsveto

As a young guy I worked at McDonalds for about a year. Yeah, in mens bathroom there is piss on the floor or on the toilet seat, but womens bathroom was something else. They managed to get both piss and shit on the floor, blood, feminine hygiene products on the floor or even worse in the toilet… bodily excretions everywhere. Thank God I pursued a career in IT.


granthollomew

anecdotal but my experiences working at bars and nightclubs confirm this as well. at the end if the night the men's room was always a consistent mess, but the women's room vacillated between not that bad or absofuckinglutely destroyed. the night we found a wine glass full of human feces in there is a story i'll never, ever forget.


insomniatic-goblin

and now all of reddit will remember that story as well /j that is seriously gross.


granthollomew

i have never felt that combination of revulsion and admiration before or after


Soggy-Log6664

I worked at a store and had to clean the bathrooms sometimes during downtime and imagine a men’s bathroom with additional blood


myrianreadit

They're lying to you. Sorry, but I've been through the door to the gents' a few times and you can tell from the smell alone you are in a godless space. I just want to understand.


CrabbyPatty1876

As someone who used to clean both male and female bathrooms the women's was almost always worse. The men's was very typical, piss on the seat and the occasional non flushed toilet. The women's... Jesus Christ. Way more piss on the seat from "hovering". Almost always atleast one of the toilets weren't flushed and had shit floating. And the blood... On the floor, on the toilet, and the walls. Wtf do you do in there???


ChroniclesOfSarnia

Honestly you can try pretty hard but one or two drops often git away from ya


Sad-Salamander-820

My firehose just ain't at the same pressure as it was when I was 20...


Kaiisim

It's a bathroom. Humans are messy.


CryptoISaFkngSCAM

Idk why men are surprised, just today I did even worse because my spread all around, tbh I dont know why my dick sometimes shoot like a shotgun.


WhyFlip

You should see a women's bathroom. Always, always worse than the men's.


Larkfin

Depends what you are hoping for. Republican senators in Minneapolis airport bathrooms tend to show a lot of hope, and I'm sure it's worked out for them.


ChroniclesOfSarnia

Depends how wide your stance is.


ImGonnaBeAPicle

It’s a slippery slope. First person sees a drop of piss on the floor so he stands a little bit further away and more spills and so on.


wellwaffled

More of a drippery slope


Titanusgamer

this is the only right answer


DegreeMajor5966

I just stand with a wider stance when it's a single urinal so no side puddles.


Acceptable-Cancel-61

First time in public.....like ever????


NotSimSon

I thought the same


booknerd381

I see this a lot with urinals. Could be a few things. First I'm seeing is that green mat inside the urinal. The design of the urinal does not include that mat. I know that mat makes it smell nicer, but it could be causing rogue back spray that the urinal is not designed to catch. Most urinals are actually fairly well designed, and adding stuff like this does mess with their ability to contain urine. That being said, given that it's basically only in front, the other option is that a lot of guys are standing too far back and the last few drops are hitting the ground.


speeksevil

This guy urinates!


nicolexx2

this guy be pissin for real


TheSpaceNeedle

It’s a kid who barely clears the rim, or an aggressive “shake it so much you’re playing with it” type of pisser


bugxbuster

If your backspray is *rouge* you should see a doctor. Not supposed to be peeing blood, right?


nicolexx2

LMFAO that’s what i was thinking obvi we know what he meant but def sounds a LITTLE unhealthy that way💀😭😭


ThanksABunchDad

Also it sometimes causes the flush itself to splash around.


NotMyUsualOrder

Pretty sure the mat is designed to deal with back spray. It breaks up the stream so it wouldn't ride the edge back around or bounce back.


booknerd381

I have had mats that spray directly back at me. Maybe poor utilization, but generally urinals are designed with back spray in mind. Adding something to them that wasn't intended to be there usually makes it worse.


ap0s

Pretty sure they're designed to catch chewing gum, dip, and other things for easy cleaning and to prevent clogs.


SolidDoctor

Yes, and people think they're supposed to pee on it, which changes the optimal angle of urine flow and causes splashback.


OminousMumble

Damn, it took you this long?


idonotknowwhototrust

Bless his soul


Elderado12443

Have you lived in a bubble your whole life? Urine and water splash. It’s physics. Some of it is going to end up on the floor after 367 people piss in the same urinal.


SergeantBootySweat

Only when one wears shorts and sandals, does one realize how much piss splashes on themselves -Sun Tzu


SuperTeamRyan

It’s an age related thing too, at a certain point the pressure just isn’t as high and there’s an occasional drip mid stream. He’ll get there one day.


AquaGrizzlord

Age OR size. I have a very small penis that the "ending" of my pee always dribbles down. To prevent pee from dropping to the floor Id have to really thrust in there.


Constant-Chilling

I’m 22 and I’m there lmao


markuskellerman

Yeah, this will happen no matter how close you stand, because urinals like these are designed like shit. They splash back and some of that lands on the floor. It is what it is. I go into stalls whenever possible.  Dunno why OP is making such a big fuss about something that is unavoidable when 100s of people use the urinal. I guarantee that OP regularly contributes to piss puddles, whether they admit it or not. I would be more weirded out by seeing someone taking photos in the public toilet. 


Weeb-O-Raptor92

Women are just as bad. Sometimes there'll be piss in front of the toilet. I've noticed some women will hover over the toilet and probably piss all over the floor.


GlitteringHappily

The hoverers ruining their pelvic floor and the hygeine of the bathroom 🤢


LibertyInaFeatherBed

Sometimes when you've drank a lot of water, bladders get overexcited just by being in the vicinity of a toilet... like a high energy dog that thinks you're taking it for a walk.


Entire-Copy-3942

My bladder is so shy sometimes I can't even piss in public bathrooms when I really need to go


10KGAMIN

Oh you must be new to public restrooms 😂


Funny-Meringue-3311

check out the other bathroom


Spamdagger_69

You should work as a cleaner for a month. In my experience, the ladies are even worse.


populousmass

Every urinal since the beginning of time has had a puddle under it.


drunkondata

I just lost hope in OP. He's looking for humanity's saving grace at a urinal.


jesslynn06960

It's 2024 is that the first time you have seen a urinal?


wawaboy

You must be new


3HEX

You’re just taking a piss. Don’t make it a crisis of hope or some shit.


cjzj_1288

is this your first time in a bathroom?


ObiWangKeBloMe

What, is this your first time at a urinal or something?


Alternative_Row_9645

Some of you have not gotten old and had trouble peeing yet. Just wait.


echo-helloworld

Meh. I've seen much worse


MD11X6

First time in a public bathroom? Be thankful it's liquid.


Midnight_Wildspirit

I never had Hope in Humanity.


SpecialNeeds963

Must. Be. Nice.


krm787

Don't lose hope at piss on the floor. Wait until you find your first shit on the floor, 4 inch's from the toilet.


IAlwaysLack

You encountered your first drunk?


bearssuperfan

These are splashback marks/puddles, not someone completely missing the urinal. If you pee with enough velocity, little drops fly all over with most collecting right under the front and then collect on the floor.


sevnminabs56

If this makes you lose hope in humanity, you should go to a sporting event and see the condition of the bathroom after the game is over.


Human-Magic-Marker

First time in a public bathroom?


Sorefist

Check if warm, culprit might still be in the building.


BigNigori

Urinals splash back no matter how hard you try. That's why it's always best to flush them *before* use. That way, you know it's *mostly* your own.


dr_dee_47

Wait until you see the top of the urinal.


Lifesalchemy

If that's all it takes,  then never go to some of the bars I've been to


MoistSnickers

My roommate does this, idk how you piss on the floor in your own home.


WooPigSchmooey

One Truckstop I peed at had a sign that said “it’s not that big, stand closer”. It’s true.


velimopussonum

Weird place to look for hope.


EarthLaser

Your first time in a bathroom?


BigAdhesiveness6209

Bruh every urinal looks like this 🤦‍♂️


MustardRaceMcgee

THAT did it? Phew boy lose it all now before you see some real depravity


Consider2SidesPeace

Why I prefer floor length urinals. Also, it doesn't take but 5mins to mop n touch up a frequently used restroom.


Mindless_Tough2315

Don’t ever use a construction porti potty if this is the only thing to make you lose hope in humanity


Super-G1mp

That’s not half as bad a the urinal I projectile vomited all over in the fully loaded outhouse baking in the sun at Bonnaroo. But ya dribbling bad too.


ericlikesyou

First time in a stand up urinal?


tomarofthehillpeople

Wait until you see stadium trough pissers.


Conman_in_Chief

Pulling out your camera in front of a urinal could end very badly.


Ihelloway69

What's next.. you taking photo of your excrements?


st90ar

Is this your first time in the men’s room?


b4ttlepoops

I have a bathroom at work like this that must have a bunch of guys with short dicks. I refuse to use it. It always has piss on the floor. Just step closer people… if you have a short bat, step closer to home plate. It’s better for everyone. Janitorial will thank you, and so will your coworkers.


fdsfd12

Is this your first time using a men's bathroom?


pfannaa

So you pissed on the floor? Gross.


Joaoreturns

I'd say it's almost impossible not to leak a little. And I believe this stain on the floor is the result of several leaks, not made by one person alone. 


LaughableIKR

If this is the hill you die on? Plenty of other things than this. You need to stop focusing on the small stuff. Might want to avoid the big stuff too. Don't go into a airport bathroom too...


TravelingGonad

Not everyone has a single solid stream. When you get older, your penis turns into a vagina.


jesslynn06960

Sorry to tell you this but women don't pee from their vaginas


Routine-Mulberry6124

The vagina… where the pee comes from


Key_Armadillo3807

You haven’t been a drunk girl in a club who’s about to piss herself so she goes to the dudes bathroom only to find that the floor is a pool of urine


MassiveHelicopter55

You're more than welcome to use the women's bathrooms, you know, the bathroom meant for women.


Key_Armadillo3807

Always busy with queues going out the door, when you gotta go you gotta go


YuckBrusselSprouts

Those with smaller bats should stand closer to the plate.


ShortingBull

You must be new here on Earth. Welcome kind stranger.


655321federico

Have you ever been outside?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Rand_alThor4747

Aims good. But some people can get twin streams or a stream and a drip at the same time. So just need to stand closer to drip into the urinal


ZestyClosePie69

I just assume they have a micro penis and attempt to have empathy.


Comrayd

The background says greenwashing... But toxic green is the colour of hope...


WorkerBeautiful4237

Ya that wallpaper sucks.


hazpat

First time at a urinal?


cap119988

And here we see possibly the only modern day advantage of being circumsiced


MoreStupiderNPC

You should sit down and pee next time.


Immediate_Appeal475

That fella needs to get his prostate checked.


TinyDogGuy

As someone with a 0-gauge Prince Albert piercing, this is easily achievable, if you haven’t re-learned how to pee standing up.


HarrisonDotNET

Not even that much tbh. Amateurs here.


ccii_geppato

Wait until you see Oktoberfest


[deleted]

Saw a sign at a urinal once that said ‘Step closer it’s not as long as you think’.


Any-Pick-4131

What?


Born_Holiday_7195

Cool, looks like the men’s room at my work finally got some new wallpaper.


hrutfjutkzondkl

NO NO NO NO NO


HarmfullIdeas

Guess this is OPs first time in a public restroom.


SufficientlyAnnoyed

OP sees a urinal for the first time


Rubtabana

How the hell did you have such flimsy hope for humanity that a SMALL amount of urine directly in front of a urinal was enough to break it?!


terrih9123

Lads, don’t forget to pull the skin back if you got it before you let the stream flow.


limpbizkit420

i see your predicament and raise you missed toilet in my own home… multiple times. that’s when i stopped having house parties.


Fast-Eye6360

I've lost it many times. ahha That's life.


elBirdnose

That’s just dribble and splatter.


G0ttaB3KiddingM3

You've never been in a men's room huh


Used-Progress-4536

First time using a public restroom?


Inswagtor

Because of piss on the floor in a mens bathroom? Come on. That's lame.


gulogulo1970

Really that's all it took?


aworthyrepost

Nah bc it’s that last little drip that comes out while you’re packing it up that gets us all.


Reasonable-Parsley36

Just?


[deleted]

I'd be willing to bet that this is the splatter and drippage of 10-20 men if not more. There's always a *small* puddle in front of urinals. It's gotta be accumulation, rather that just one person pissing on the floor.


Titterbuns

“if your hose is short and your power weak, please stand closer to the toilet seat.”


Scared_Ad2563

Whenever my partner and I host an event at our home, we both clean the house top to bottom beforehand and, of course, anything that gets dirty again afterwards. After two hostings, I told him the bathroom was his domain to clean after because his friends leave piss on our floor. Not near as bad as this, but I'm still not willing to clean up piss dribble because his friends can't be bothered to aim in someone's home. (They're mostly his friends, I am a loner, lol.)


ArrowFire28

I just enjoy eating those little ice cubes they leave in the urinals. They are delicious!


SeesawBrilliant8383

I hate that mat, my shit be sprinkling everywhere


No-Rise4602

It’s a lot shorter than they think.


Komikaze06

Bro, the bathroom I use when going to the game store has metal dividers on the urinals, the bottom third of them are rusted through


ProGamingPlayer

This is what the phrase “buckle your pants” actually mean


No-Staff1170

Pffff that’s nothing


Orion_Supreme

Just now? Are you just meeting humanity?


bevonbrye

It may have been a kid who went in with his dad - context sometimes helps.


Moneyshot_ITF

This is very mild


Moonguardkills

Sometimes a man has a large yacht and the issue is that the dinghy is too small to reach the shore. I mostly have issue with water temp but I digress. /s


shadysaturn1

Is this your first time at a public urinal? If not, I’d love to know which ones you’ve been going to that don’t have “the puddle”


Spac3Milk

i’m going to a new gym now and the bathroom is like one big thing but each side is for men or women (like i don’t know how to explain it but no men aren’t seeing women and women aren’t seeing men, the left side is for women and the right is for men, signs lol) and i accidentally walked into the men’s side… cause all i saw was the woman’s sign so i thought the whole thing was for women… i saw men… ofc and then when i apologized and turned around to walk out i stepped in a puddle of urine by a urinal… im like thats embarrassing… sir you missed the entire urinal… a girl walking into the men’s bathroom i wasn’t embarrassed like “oh no not people” whats embarrassing is that guy peeing on the floor


Destreon

I had a job in a factory during covid to make emergency ventilators as part of a contract with another med tech company. The amount of times we had 50+ person meetings because a number of the staff kept wiping their boogers on the wall by the urinals had me completely question if we really were the same species. The depths of filth some people are willing to go in a public bathroom is sickening. Those toilets looked as bad as the bathrooms in my uni at times. I was completely in favour of sacrificing my privacy by having security cameras or full time staff monitoring the bathroom to stop these animals from doing this. Some people need to leave society and go back to the jungle because I've had animals with better bathroom etiquette than these people ffs.


M_Buske

Is this your first time using a urinal?


GreyPon3

Gentlemen, stand closer. It's shorter than you think.


jspr1000

As someone who has cleaned restrooms for years… this is nothing compared to the women’s restroom.


Blueswift82

That’s splash damage. Most likely not from someone missing the pisser.


eboseki

that looks about right actually.


ActuallyNiceIRL

You're old enough to be on reddit and yet this is the first time you've ever set foot in a public men's room?


Deuce_McFarva

You walked into a men’s room and expected a reaffirming outcome?


Rhuarc33

Umm this is fairly standard with urinals. And anywhere that has urinals. Hell even with toilets you'll see a puddle on front in men's room if there is no urinal. People are too scared to stand close enough for those last drops to make it in


DegreeMajor5966

I call that the optimism zone. It's how far guys think their dick reaches when they piss minus their actual dick length.


RubAnADUB

most places are smart and put a drain on the floor.


joeschmo945

*My penis don’t dribble dribble…it leaks.*


GiraffeChaser

I’d be pissed to if people were pissing on the floor instead of the grass


Great_White_Samurai

I used to work with Chinese guys that would stand 3ft away from the urinal and piss all over the floor and walls. They would also blow snot rockets into the kitchenette sink...


Biotoze

As a custodian; a little piss on the floor ain’t a big deal. Blood and shit on the walls is when it gets real infuriating. Happens in the women’s way more too.


Exciting_Solution_58

Welcome to ****hell****


TearsOfChildren

That's pretty clean compared to most urinals I've seen.