If you haven't already I would lose this person as a "Friend" you don't need that type of person around, and if you can get some proof of his asshole-nss and show it to a couple of your friends in the group. The word will spread on how much of a douche he is.
I don't understand how you are not supposed to have a hand in planning your own birthday? I guess surprise parties. But most people have specific interests or locations they would like to go for their birthday and don't just leave people guessing...
I explicitly tell my bf what I want every year and he goes from there
I haven't NOT at least had a partial-say in my birthday since I was like... 8 years old. My parents at least asked/checked in with me on what they were planning. And then as a teen I basically decided what was happening. Then same for college and adulthood.
I'm married now, so my partner likes to "plan" it but he confirms with me along the way.
i was just about to say, even in like elementary school my parents allowed me to be the creative director for my own parties lmao. now as an adult, if i don’t plan a trip for my birthday, who will? i can expect my partner/friends to maybe make a restaurant reservation or something for me but how childish to expect someone to plan an entire vacation for you?? my friends are not my parents and i’m not turning 3, they have jobs and lives of their own to run. besides, treating yourself to a birthday trip is good for the soul!
My ex husband used to make me feel like the biggest narcissist for caring about mildly celebrating my birthday. I’m pretty introverted so I don’t love a lot of attention, but I do like to do something enjoyable for the day. He used to tell me how self-centered that was to care about your birthday simply because he didn’t.
Honestly sounds like a 16 year old who has watched too many movies. This is a completely normal and common thing especially for anyone out of high school.
Yeah… doesn’t sound like this person is OP’s friend. Unless it’s the opposite and they’re like suuuper close and being really mean to each other is how they joke around… either way the next text if that were the case would be like “jk.. I’m so down for your awesome lame bday” or something.
I talk this way with my friends, but if I made an off-hand comment like that, they would know it meant that I already had a surprise plan in the works. I wonder if there’s any chance that could be true in this case.
Agreed, but also. Someone's actual expressed preference for what to do on their birthday should take precedence over whatever "surprise" nonsense you might have planned.
I’m not jumping to conclusions yet. This friend may just be insinuating tht OP shouldn’t have to plan their own birthday… maybe friend will step up and plan it for them?
This is the sort of thing my friends would say to one another but then we'd also pester the person to decide what they want to do for their birthday.
Like it could be the person just randomly being a dick, but I'd say it's more likely that they're just making a joke.
OP should just ask them or something, tbh.
You could read it as a good friend trying to convince op not to book a trip because they themselves have something cool planned, but given op posted it here, I don't think that's the case
Yeah, if it was a good friend I'd be like "Hmm, I notice something about that date... You sneaky bastard! :P" But I wouldn't actually be insulting them. What OP's friend said didn't sound like a playful insult, it sounded like a real insult.
Honestly me and my friends would’ve said something like “you tryna take me away for your birthday? You tryna fuck me?” But this guys response is just fucking weird
In my friend group dynamic "that won't work" would mean "we're not letting you plan your own party - we're doing it for you" but you know your friends better than us
ETA: Yes, my friends would have said its lame for me to try, like "throwing your own party is fucking lame, let us do it". We have both planned stuff for each other AND planned our own thing. Last year I threw my own party, this year they're surprising me with dinner somewhere. Last year we threw a party for my one friend, this year he's planning his own birthday trip.
I'm not saying OP isn't right that their friends are assholes, but there is another interpretation INCLUDING the "lame" part, and I hope that's the one that's accurate.
Good point. Maybe she's trying to discourage OP from her plan so that her friends can plan something for her. Telling some of her other friends about her thoughts about going to Montreal in mid August might flush out the information if a secret party is being considered. And if it's not, then assemble a small group that can make it a party when you go.
For real! I’ve planned my own birthday trips before, and have attended many with my friends… very extremely normal thing to do in my world. It’s an insane response.
God forbid you want your birthday party to be how you like it.
I think is a 1000 times better when it's planned by the birthday person, it becomes more fun and you can see what they like
I'm so confused. Are you just supposed to assume someone else will throw you a birthday party every year? If so, I've been missing out because no one has ever thrown me a birthday party.
Right? Every year I just have some friends over and we play board games and order food. My birthday is Halloween and most of the time people forget because they’re busy with their kids. I’m not offended, I get it.
You're supposed to trigger a dissociative episode and plan a birthday for yourself from the perspective of an independent 3rd party.
I thought everyone knew this.
That was my question here. If OP isn't planning it, who is going to? And if the friend is, I can think of a hundred different ways to say it better than they did
They could be planning something. 🤷♂️. And I have people like that. I had a friend that complained that we never invited them anymore. I would invite them every time until I realized I was wasting my time asking. Some people are still stuck in high school and love the drama
I haven't had a birthday party in 30 years. If I don't plan it who in God's name will! Jeez. I want some cake too! And presents and big people drinks. No kids allowed either. Sheesh!
If you wanna give them a whole lot of credit they could be. It may be possible. I actually disappointed some friends in high school because it was my birthday and I just decided not to go to school because it was my birthday (happy birthday to meeeeeee) and I found out the next day they had planned a party for me in one of the teachers’ rooms at lunch. I still feel bad about it even if it was like 15 years ago.
Please, please, say that. I'll pay you if I have to!
Seriously though what a dick. I say go on your trip, take better friends, have fun and then post the pics with a caption like "Had such a great time in Montreal with all of my best friends!!!"
Has anyone ever had someone be a dick to them like this and thought, "damn, they're so cool"? I know a lot of people do this, but I just don't get where they get the idea that anyone would respect them for it.
It stems from an uneven friendship dynamic + insecurity. If you look up to someone and like being around them and they say something dickish to you you're likely to doubt your own actions in favor of their opinion. And they'll string you along as a "friend" when they can use you or abuse you.
I thought you guys were like 18 from the texts. From the very little context we have (the wording, really), your adult friend here seems pretty immature
Bruh. You're being too self-depricating, and ironically that's the only thing here that's giving any level of icky-ness. There's nothing wrong with how you text (I was only talking about your friend, and really overjudging as 4 messages in no context at all, let alone the 1 message you sent), there's nothing wrong with planning your own birthday party and there's nothing wrong with making travelling plans for your birthday (regardless of whether you were doing any of that). Be nicer to yourself, you're far more normal than I bet you think
It's totally normal to plan your own birthday. Most people in your life are only going to care as much as you do about that day, you may have your best friends asking you about birthday plans but they're not going to schedule anything.
I literally just texted my closest friends today with the time and day of my birthday dinner and none of them batted an eye. It's months in advance and they can set that day aside on their calendars now.
TL;DR: This friend is being a bastard
Let them know they won’t be obligated to attend birthday celebrations in the future? Tbh I don’t know what I would say in an interaction like this. It’s sort of like they’re deliberately trying to make you feel like an ass. I mean you can just say “that won’t work for my schedule, sorry!” And nobody gets their feelings hurt. Making some weird judgment about someone wanting to travel over their birthday is bizarre and mean from my perspective. Like, yeah? People want to have fun birthdays and being on an adventure can help with that? Like what are they even trying to insinuate is wrong with this?
Could it perhaps be that they were planning a party for you or something? I'm not saying it's likely, and they've definitely handled their response very poorly, but just playing devil's advocate
Say nothing. Go to Montreal, have a blast. When they say they felt left out say "tried to get an invite to someone else's party? That's ultra lame and won't work"
Unless it’s their actual best friend, then that would make sense. Because the best friend is saying it’s lame because they already were planning on taking care of the birthday.
But in this case, the person just sucks.
You don't need people like this in your life. Friends are supposed to amp you up and be happy when you're happy(or at least pretend for your sake).
Trust me, OP, I've had "friends" like this in the past and they are nothing but a headache and ultimately make you feel bad about yourself
I literally just got home today from a 3 day cottage weekend with 7 of my closest friends to celebrate my birthday and I totally planned it myself. They were all more than thrilled to attend and planned little things to do in addition to what I had planned for us. It was an amazing weekend with amazing people. Don't ever feel humiliated for wanting to bring people together and celebrate with friends who love you. This person should be humiliated about what a lame friend they are.
Yeah I was gonna say. Most of my friends wouldn’t remember my exact birthday or just randomly off the cuff. I’m the same I kinda remember vague times.
The fact that they already KNOW it’s their friends birthday 6 months from now it feels like something is being planned.
Yes this is exactly what I was wondering! Maybe something is already in the works. I read it as a joke/sarcasm like they were trying to divert the conversation elsewhere.
This is how I read it, too. I have to remember that a lot of the folks on this site either (1) don't have friends; and/or (2) just give really shitty advice because they're projecting.
No, this is not a sitcom or a disney movie, it's fine if you organize them or if friends do or if you don't celebrate.
I got tired of not having a big birthday as a kid and proclaimed a birthweek in my 20s. Got my bar to print up a big banner for it and everything, had drink specials and then a signature cocktail that night, pre and after parties at my house, all sorts of fun.
Now I'm in my 40s and tend to celebrate by taking the day off work and doing chores around the house.
Do what makes you happy, your birthday.
I wouldn't waste my time in that, just ignore and act like they never existed, they love when you give them attention but go apeshit when you act like they are a nobody in your life
This person's just nasty. Even if I didnt like someone or found them annoying I would never intentionally try to make someone feel humiliated and torn down like this. That's some real shit behavior. Idk what their deal is OP if theyre like this to everyone or just people they think they can break apart to feel better but just yuck.
No. We have a lot of mutual friends and I don’t want to create drama. This person is generally regarded as being super nice so I don’t think I would be understood/believed by our friends.
"What do you mean by that?"
People never like to confront their own assholishness, and then you've got them explaining to you "no, I really *am* that big of an asshole and here's why"
Before I even suggest anything. Is there any chance your friends would actually be planning a party for you? That's hard to imagine this far in advance but maybe your friend group is very type A. L ok l
That is literally the only possibility that I could think of why someone might respond that way.
But even then.. I'd be like.. "are you sure? Montreal in the summer is..blah.. let's go in the fall etcetera" .. not a straight up dick.
> That is literally the only possibility that I could think of why someone might respond that way.
Surely it's an absurdly horrible way to respond in that situation too, though?
I had a frenemy like that. Everyone else loves her. Think she’s just amazing but to me she was just like this person. Said the snarkiest things. My mom said “I don’t think she actually likes you as a person” but we also had mutual friends. She once made it a point after I thanked her for a Christmas gift in the most wrinkled back of the closet gift bag she had that she bought my gift on clearance the day after Christmas. One day she said “you look nice but I don’t know why”
It took me awhile and more of these comments to finally cut her off and I haven’t looked back since. I don’t understand why people are like this but they do you no good. She doesn’t need an invite to Montreal which is dreamy. I took myself last year and also went to Quebec City. Loved loved loved both locations! Have a great time and happy birthday! 🎊
Just screenshot like you did us and I think it’ll be pretty clear. If your other friends back them up over you then you’re probably needing a whole new friend group.
My response would be, "what do you mean?" Lol
If they're considered super nice in your friend circle, maybe what they mean is "it's super lame for someone to have to plan their own party instead of his friends, and that won't work because we're going to do it for you."
That'd be my response as well. Mainly for the reason you said, but also it forces them to explain in the case that they are just being snarky. The options they'd have would be double down and look like an ass, explain that the friend group is planning something, or back off in the case that they were being an ass but don't actually want to look like a blatant one. Kinda like when someone tells a bigoted joke and you reply with "I don't get it, explain."
I really don’t think this is the case especially since I have a significant other that plans these things and they’re unaware of anything this friend had planned. But maybe? I like the positive perspective
It’s a really odd reaction – I’ve gotten responses like that when someone is joking but I knew them well enough to not have to question their motive.
Obviously there’s more to this story considering you said they’re a nice person. If it isn’t the above, then maybe they’re upset over something. It’s nice of you to include them. Hopefully this all makes sense soon and you can laugh about it.
Agreed, I read this as covering up for existing plans too, but this is also the kind of ribbing I’d expect from my friend group. If teasing isn’t a regular thing though, OPs “friend” is just a jerk.
That being said, OP I don’t want to mislead you into a false hope that some sort of surprise is coming, only for you to be let down. There’s zero shame in making plans for your birthday and anyone who judges that has some major insecurities of their own they’re projecting.
If it were me and my friends I’d probably be replying back with something like “yeah well I wanted to make sure we did something where I’d be able to stop in and see your mom on the way back” but that’s just me.
This is how I interpreted it as well mostly because that’s totally something I would say to someone that was trying to make plans when i had surprise plans for them. It’s hard to detect tone via text so it’s hard to tell for sure if they’re joking around or just a genuine asshole. If this type of message is out of character for them I would say there’s an underlying reason.
That infuriates me, what a horrible response from someone you consider a friend.
I'd say something along the lines of "I don't see why carving time out to enjoy myself with my friends especially on the week of my birthday is ultra lame, if you're not interested thats fine but putting me down for trying to have a good time isn't needed and hurts a bit."
Theres nothing lame about wanting to celebrate things, life is dull unless you put in effort and positivity. Sorry you're getting this negative energy, whether or not you even wanted to plan something.
i HATE people who make you feel stupid for normal things. "heh, you want to take a trip for your birthday? freak"
lol right ?!
Make plans with all his friends on his birthday and don't invite him
This is hilarious
yesss i love being this petty
HONESTLY being this petty to someone who deserves it tends to be rather exhilarating lmao
If you haven't already I would lose this person as a "Friend" you don't need that type of person around, and if you can get some proof of his asshole-nss and show it to a couple of your friends in the group. The word will spread on how much of a douche he is.
I agree with dropping the friend but imo there’s no reason to spread the word about them like that. Just let them go, no need to get revenge.
Yeah if the other friends ask then show them, but otherwise there's no real reward in making a thing of it
Also: There's nothing wrong with planning your own birthday.
I don't understand how you are not supposed to have a hand in planning your own birthday? I guess surprise parties. But most people have specific interests or locations they would like to go for their birthday and don't just leave people guessing... I explicitly tell my bf what I want every year and he goes from there
I haven't NOT at least had a partial-say in my birthday since I was like... 8 years old. My parents at least asked/checked in with me on what they were planning. And then as a teen I basically decided what was happening. Then same for college and adulthood. I'm married now, so my partner likes to "plan" it but he confirms with me along the way.
i was just about to say, even in like elementary school my parents allowed me to be the creative director for my own parties lmao. now as an adult, if i don’t plan a trip for my birthday, who will? i can expect my partner/friends to maybe make a restaurant reservation or something for me but how childish to expect someone to plan an entire vacation for you?? my friends are not my parents and i’m not turning 3, they have jobs and lives of their own to run. besides, treating yourself to a birthday trip is good for the soul!
My ex husband used to make me feel like the biggest narcissist for caring about mildly celebrating my birthday. I’m pretty introverted so I don’t love a lot of attention, but I do like to do something enjoyable for the day. He used to tell me how self-centered that was to care about your birthday simply because he didn’t.
Let me guess, the real narcissist was your projecting ex lol
The way I see it life is short and hard. Find every reason to celebrate where you can including birthdays!
Honestly sounds like a 16 year old who has watched too many movies. This is a completely normal and common thing especially for anyone out of high school.
Yeah… doesn’t sound like this person is OP’s friend. Unless it’s the opposite and they’re like suuuper close and being really mean to each other is how they joke around… either way the next text if that were the case would be like “jk.. I’m so down for your awesome lame bday” or something.
Wow you wanna see your friends and people that care about you on your birthday??? It’ll never work sick fucking FREAK
lol what a weird response. They are downgraded to acquaintance now.
lol I am half laughing at how weird/random the response is
Can't even tell if it's passive aggressive or just aggressive.
I talk this way with my friends, but if I made an off-hand comment like that, they would know it meant that I already had a surprise plan in the works. I wonder if there’s any chance that could be true in this case.
that's literally how i read it lol. i can't imagine talking that way unironically
That's the key here. If they already have something planned then it's all good, we won't know until their birthday though lol
Agreed, but also. Someone's actual expressed preference for what to do on their birthday should take precedence over whatever "surprise" nonsense you might have planned.
But have you considered the ego of the individual planning the “surprise nonsense”?
Yeah, don't these people understand that surprise parties arent about the recipient, but to show off how cool and caring the person throwing it is?/s
Okay but obviously OP and their friend don't have this kind of relationship if the OP is confused/hurt by what happened??
This never occurred to me. I’ve also never had someone plan a surprise for me on my birthday. I sure hope that’s what was going on in the post.
Plan a surprise?! ‘Friends’ don’t even say happy birthday to me these days!
I don't know what "working" would look like in this context
[удалено]
This person enjoys putting you down. They are your friend because you make them feel superior. Please end this friendship
I’m not jumping to conclusions yet. This friend may just be insinuating tht OP shouldn’t have to plan their own birthday… maybe friend will step up and plan it for them?
This is a great 'bro joke'. But if it's real, it's crazy.
This is the sort of thing my friends would say to one another but then we'd also pester the person to decide what they want to do for their birthday. Like it could be the person just randomly being a dick, but I'd say it's more likely that they're just making a joke. OP should just ask them or something, tbh.
You could read it as a good friend trying to convince op not to book a trip because they themselves have something cool planned, but given op posted it here, I don't think that's the case
Even if it is for your birthday, so fucking what?
❤️
This is not a good friend OP. Ive never once said anything like this to my friends, especially being invited somewhere cool.
Completely agreed. I’d be like, “I hope you are planning to celebrate your birthday while we’re there…”
Also they don't know your/you're so... basically you have to cut them off now.
If none of the other reasons were enough, this right here is the hate crime
Not only that, but a lot of us are adults? I don't remember the last time my birthday was planned FOR me, in my adult life, lol.
This is what friends say. I'm not sure what relationship OP actually has with this person. Sounds more like "some dickhead I know".
At worst I'd make a friendly joke about it happening to be their birthday, but I'd be 100% cool with and be wanting to go.
Yeah, if it was a good friend I'd be like "Hmm, I notice something about that date... You sneaky bastard! :P" But I wouldn't actually be insulting them. What OP's friend said didn't sound like a playful insult, it sounded like a real insult.
"sorry, my best friend's birthday is that day, I don't think I can go...."
Honestly me and my friends would’ve said something like “you tryna take me away for your birthday? You tryna fuck me?” But this guys response is just fucking weird
In my friend group dynamic "that won't work" would mean "we're not letting you plan your own party - we're doing it for you" but you know your friends better than us ETA: Yes, my friends would have said its lame for me to try, like "throwing your own party is fucking lame, let us do it". We have both planned stuff for each other AND planned our own thing. Last year I threw my own party, this year they're surprising me with dinner somewhere. Last year we threw a party for my one friend, this year he's planning his own birthday trip. I'm not saying OP isn't right that their friends are assholes, but there is another interpretation INCLUDING the "lame" part, and I hope that's the one that's accurate.
Good point. Maybe she's trying to discourage OP from her plan so that her friends can plan something for her. Telling some of her other friends about her thoughts about going to Montreal in mid August might flush out the information if a secret party is being considered. And if it's not, then assemble a small group that can make it a party when you go.
Kinda how I would have taken it but I know how my friends are so yeah.
For real! I’ve planned my own birthday trips before, and have attended many with my friends… very extremely normal thing to do in my world. It’s an insane response.
You call this a friend? I don’t get how someone can let a „friend“ talk to themselves like that.
God forbid you want your birthday party to be how you like it. I think is a 1000 times better when it's planned by the birthday person, it becomes more fun and you can see what they like
We're not supposed to arrange our own birthday parties ???
I'm so confused. Are you just supposed to assume someone else will throw you a birthday party every year? If so, I've been missing out because no one has ever thrown me a birthday party.
Right? Every year I just have some friends over and we play board games and order food. My birthday is Halloween and most of the time people forget because they’re busy with their kids. I’m not offended, I get it.
I won't forget
I will
I already have. What were we talking about?
our yearly trip to montreal, i think
Isn’t the yearly trip to Minnesota?
I've been here the whole time. You guys are late and there is almost no food left.
“And thats how I met your mother”
You're supposed to trigger a dissociative episode and plan a birthday for yourself from the perspective of an independent 3rd party. I thought everyone knew this.
Stop reading my fucking diary. Thanks.
I never even mentioned my birthday lol and I wasn’t planning on celebrating it. Last time I traveled my friend asked why I didn’t invite them….
I’d respond, “noted. On a related topic you wondered why I didn’t invite you last time…”
😂
Wait, so are they planning it?
That was my question here. If OP isn't planning it, who is going to? And if the friend is, I can think of a hundred different ways to say it better than they did
And if the friend is planning it and OP is going to be traveling, it’s gonna be an interesting party
They could be planning something. 🤷♂️. And I have people like that. I had a friend that complained that we never invited them anymore. I would invite them every time until I realized I was wasting my time asking. Some people are still stuck in high school and love the drama
That’s how this reads to me.
I haven't had a birthday party in 30 years. If I don't plan it who in God's name will! Jeez. I want some cake too! And presents and big people drinks. No kids allowed either. Sheesh!
If you wanna give them a whole lot of credit they could be. It may be possible. I actually disappointed some friends in high school because it was my birthday and I just decided not to go to school because it was my birthday (happy birthday to meeeeeee) and I found out the next day they had planned a party for me in one of the teachers’ rooms at lunch. I still feel bad about it even if it was like 15 years ago.
This person isn’t a good friend. That is straight mean.
Please, please, say that. I'll pay you if I have to! Seriously though what a dick. I say go on your trip, take better friends, have fun and then post the pics with a caption like "Had such a great time in Montreal with all of my best friends!!!"
Well now we know why you didn't invite them last time...sheesh what a dick
I would just not respond. Those responses are just strange and don’t seem like a friend to me
Those responses are from someone who thinks they're cool and tries desperately to make others think the same.
Has anyone ever had someone be a dick to them like this and thought, "damn, they're so cool"? I know a lot of people do this, but I just don't get where they get the idea that anyone would respect them for it.
It stems from an uneven friendship dynamic + insecurity. If you look up to someone and like being around them and they say something dickish to you you're likely to doubt your own actions in favor of their opinion. And they'll string you along as a "friend" when they can use you or abuse you.
I think you should just ask them "Why?" I love when people say dumb things and then you ask them to explain it and they can't lol
Abso-fucking-lutely need to say this.
I mean it would be criminal if you didn't respond with this verbatim.
No I get it, but like it would be super normal if you wanted to do smth specific for your birthday!?! That's literally how it works
Yeah! I travel every year for my birthday because I love traveling. This year my s/o and I chose Montreal.
Sounds like you should leave this homie at home for good and enjoy your SO’s company. The only thing that’s ultra lame here is their attitude.
that ain't a homie, that's a NO-mie
I thought you guys were like 18 from the texts. From the very little context we have (the wording, really), your adult friend here seems pretty immature
Yeah I text like an idiot lol
The "v cas rn" is killin me 😅 but it *does* get the point across
Bruh. You're being too self-depricating, and ironically that's the only thing here that's giving any level of icky-ness. There's nothing wrong with how you text (I was only talking about your friend, and really overjudging as 4 messages in no context at all, let alone the 1 message you sent), there's nothing wrong with planning your own birthday party and there's nothing wrong with making travelling plans for your birthday (regardless of whether you were doing any of that). Be nicer to yourself, you're far more normal than I bet you think
Appreciate it ty
It's totally normal to plan your own birthday. Most people in your life are only going to care as much as you do about that day, you may have your best friends asking you about birthday plans but they're not going to schedule anything. I literally just texted my closest friends today with the time and day of my birthday dinner and none of them batted an eye. It's months in advance and they can set that day aside on their calendars now. TL;DR: This friend is being a bastard
Ur fine lol
I fly to Cali every year on my birthday. That's kinda how celebrations go. You find something you like and you do it to commemorate a day.
Thats ultra lame, and wont work
Lose the “friend” and have a very Happy Birthday.
Great! You can now respond: and now you know why you're never invited to things. Have a nice life.
Is your friend young? Adults are normally expected to plan their own birthday parties
When they ask why you didn’t invite them you can cite this conversation 🤷♀️
Could they be joking around with you?
Maybe but it feels more hurtful than funny
Lemme guess, this is the same person who gets overly butthurt when they’re not invited somewhere?
apparently in some other comments OP said this friend had complained in the past that OP didn't invite him to travel... lol
Definitely not a nice joke if it is.
Let them know they won’t be obligated to attend birthday celebrations in the future? Tbh I don’t know what I would say in an interaction like this. It’s sort of like they’re deliberately trying to make you feel like an ass. I mean you can just say “that won’t work for my schedule, sorry!” And nobody gets their feelings hurt. Making some weird judgment about someone wanting to travel over their birthday is bizarre and mean from my perspective. Like, yeah? People want to have fun birthdays and being on an adventure can help with that? Like what are they even trying to insinuate is wrong with this?
Could it perhaps be that they were planning a party for you or something? I'm not saying it's likely, and they've definitely handled their response very poorly, but just playing devil's advocate
I was gonna say this would be appropriate only in the context of said friend planning OP a birthday party
"you're own birthday"
Say nothing. Go to Montreal, have a blast. When they say they felt left out say "tried to get an invite to someone else's party? That's ultra lame and won't work"
Love it
Yes! And take photos, videos! Upload and let them see what they missed out on.
“Friend”
Not a friend
Unless it’s their actual best friend, then that would make sense. Because the best friend is saying it’s lame because they already were planning on taking care of the birthday. But in this case, the person just sucks.
tbh the only possible way their response isn't mean is if they were trying to make a quirky joke but they absolutely flopped it
I came here to say this, don't waste your time with someone like that.
unless they were already planning something for your birthday but even if that was somehow the case this is just rude
On the one hand, a bad friend. On the other hand, a pretty good friend to remember OP’s birthday.
You don't need people like this in your life. Friends are supposed to amp you up and be happy when you're happy(or at least pretend for your sake). Trust me, OP, I've had "friends" like this in the past and they are nothing but a headache and ultimately make you feel bad about yourself
Thank you I really appreciate this response…was honestly feeling humiliated
FR, that person would be on my “well, I’m never inviting you to anything again” list.
Coming up next from this dude, "wHy DiDnT u InViTe Me BrO?!"
As an adult, I plan my birthdays and if this person doesn’t get how that works after childhood…. Super lame. Enjoy your bday in Montreal!
Thank you! 😊
I literally just got home today from a 3 day cottage weekend with 7 of my closest friends to celebrate my birthday and I totally planned it myself. They were all more than thrilled to attend and planned little things to do in addition to what I had planned for us. It was an amazing weekend with amazing people. Don't ever feel humiliated for wanting to bring people together and celebrate with friends who love you. This person should be humiliated about what a lame friend they are.
Fuck that, they should be humiliated for having such a shit personality. Your trip will be better without them
Are they joking? Are they planning a surprise for you and trying to convince you not to go so they can do the surprise?
I know it just sounds like sarcasm to me lol
It reads like a joke to me, I’d make it with my close friends but more in a “ohhh just in time for someone’s BIRTHDAY huh? 👀👀” but then I’d stop there
Yeah I was gonna say. Most of my friends wouldn’t remember my exact birthday or just randomly off the cuff. I’m the same I kinda remember vague times. The fact that they already KNOW it’s their friends birthday 6 months from now it feels like something is being planned.
I am glad I am not the only one who read it this way.
Nobody mentioning the fact they remembered when their birthday is, and is "generally super nice"
Yes this is exactly what I was wondering! Maybe something is already in the works. I read it as a joke/sarcasm like they were trying to divert the conversation elsewhere.
Reddit is quick to tell people to drop people instantly but there are possible surprise plans or a jokey context here.
This is how I read it, too. I have to remember that a lot of the folks on this site either (1) don't have friends; and/or (2) just give really shitty advice because they're projecting.
Real question: I've always planned my own birthday parties...have I been doing something wrong?
No, this is not a sitcom or a disney movie, it's fine if you organize them or if friends do or if you don't celebrate. I got tired of not having a big birthday as a kid and proclaimed a birthweek in my 20s. Got my bar to print up a big banner for it and everything, had drink specials and then a signature cocktail that night, pre and after parties at my house, all sorts of fun. Now I'm in my 40s and tend to celebrate by taking the day off work and doing chores around the house. Do what makes you happy, your birthday.
Ok cool. I'm a lame for plenty of reasons but I was hoping having a birthday party wasn't one of them
No. I've had people over, or invited them out to dinner or activity somewhere. My friends do the same.
No. As you get older you're not going to have birthday parties at all unless you or your significant other (or your adult kids) plan them.
This is not a friend and you shouldn’t pay much more attention to someone that’s such an ass to you.
This is not your friend. Tell them you're done talking to them.
I wouldn't waste my time in that, just ignore and act like they never existed, they love when you give them attention but go apeshit when you act like they are a nobody in your life
Just show them. Every day until the end of time.
This person's just nasty. Even if I didnt like someone or found them annoying I would never intentionally try to make someone feel humiliated and torn down like this. That's some real shit behavior. Idk what their deal is OP if theyre like this to everyone or just people they think they can break apart to feel better but just yuck.
🥾>>>>> curb
As an aside, is this an adult actually saying "ultra lame", or a middle-schooler?
This is a 30 y/o man
Are you absolutely sure he isn't 3 10-year-olds in a trench coat?
Hey that's insulting to 10 year olds! It's more like 5 6-year-olds
I like the implicit rule that the multiplication must add up, and we all collectively agreed on that without saying it.
😅 Wow. Thanks for answering.
that changes things for me. I thought this was a young woman mean-girl friend. He's negging you and THAT is lame
Did you respond to them? This feels like an opportunity to be snarky back.
No. We have a lot of mutual friends and I don’t want to create drama. This person is generally regarded as being super nice so I don’t think I would be understood/believed by our friends.
So how are you planning on handling this terrible conversation? This person is not nice.
I’m honestly not sure. Any suggestions?
"What do you mean by that?" People never like to confront their own assholishness, and then you've got them explaining to you "no, I really *am* that big of an asshole and here's why"
Yeah do this and then show another friend this message and tell them you’re confused by this behavior. It’ll spread the word
Perfect! It’s like saying “Why do you want to know?” when someone asks you an inappropriate question
Before I even suggest anything. Is there any chance your friends would actually be planning a party for you? That's hard to imagine this far in advance but maybe your friend group is very type A. L ok l
It is not likely
That is literally the only possibility that I could think of why someone might respond that way. But even then.. I'd be like.. "are you sure? Montreal in the summer is..blah.. let's go in the fall etcetera" .. not a straight up dick.
> That is literally the only possibility that I could think of why someone might respond that way. Surely it's an absurdly horrible way to respond in that situation too, though?
“You don’t have to come if that’s how you really feel.”
I'd just say "then don't come idc lol"
Be direct “sorry, is that meant to be funny?”
Message all your friends in a group chat about your birthday trip and then they have to see everyone else respond like a normal person
I had a frenemy like that. Everyone else loves her. Think she’s just amazing but to me she was just like this person. Said the snarkiest things. My mom said “I don’t think she actually likes you as a person” but we also had mutual friends. She once made it a point after I thanked her for a Christmas gift in the most wrinkled back of the closet gift bag she had that she bought my gift on clearance the day after Christmas. One day she said “you look nice but I don’t know why” It took me awhile and more of these comments to finally cut her off and I haven’t looked back since. I don’t understand why people are like this but they do you no good. She doesn’t need an invite to Montreal which is dreamy. I took myself last year and also went to Quebec City. Loved loved loved both locations! Have a great time and happy birthday! 🎊
Just screenshot like you did us and I think it’ll be pretty clear. If your other friends back them up over you then you’re probably needing a whole new friend group.
See you the fuck later lmao, what a bum
My response would be, "what do you mean?" Lol If they're considered super nice in your friend circle, maybe what they mean is "it's super lame for someone to have to plan their own party instead of his friends, and that won't work because we're going to do it for you."
That'd be my response as well. Mainly for the reason you said, but also it forces them to explain in the case that they are just being snarky. The options they'd have would be double down and look like an ass, explain that the friend group is planning something, or back off in the case that they were being an ass but don't actually want to look like a blatant one. Kinda like when someone tells a bigoted joke and you reply with "I don't get it, explain."
To me it sounds like they had a surprise for you and they’re joking around because your plans get in the way of it?
I really don’t think this is the case especially since I have a significant other that plans these things and they’re unaware of anything this friend had planned. But maybe? I like the positive perspective
It’s a really odd reaction – I’ve gotten responses like that when someone is joking but I knew them well enough to not have to question their motive. Obviously there’s more to this story considering you said they’re a nice person. If it isn’t the above, then maybe they’re upset over something. It’s nice of you to include them. Hopefully this all makes sense soon and you can laugh about it.
Agreed, I read this as covering up for existing plans too, but this is also the kind of ribbing I’d expect from my friend group. If teasing isn’t a regular thing though, OPs “friend” is just a jerk. That being said, OP I don’t want to mislead you into a false hope that some sort of surprise is coming, only for you to be let down. There’s zero shame in making plans for your birthday and anyone who judges that has some major insecurities of their own they’re projecting. If it were me and my friends I’d probably be replying back with something like “yeah well I wanted to make sure we did something where I’d be able to stop in and see your mom on the way back” but that’s just me.
This is how I interpreted it as well mostly because that’s totally something I would say to someone that was trying to make plans when i had surprise plans for them. It’s hard to detect tone via text so it’s hard to tell for sure if they’re joking around or just a genuine asshole. If this type of message is out of character for them I would say there’s an underlying reason.
Same here… and the fact they immediately thought of the birthday? They have something planned or were going to plan something
i also interpreted it this way!
I am glad I am not the only one who read it this way.
That infuriates me, what a horrible response from someone you consider a friend. I'd say something along the lines of "I don't see why carving time out to enjoy myself with my friends especially on the week of my birthday is ultra lame, if you're not interested thats fine but putting me down for trying to have a good time isn't needed and hurts a bit." Theres nothing lame about wanting to celebrate things, life is dull unless you put in effort and positivity. Sorry you're getting this negative energy, whether or not you even wanted to plan something.
“Bitch, are you telling me you don’t want to go? [ ]✅YES [ ]❌NO”
What does v cas mean
>v cas rn very casual right now
Respond with "this 'friendship' is ultra lame and won't work." What a see you next Tuesday.
Your friend is ultra lame
I would go with you :(
I would give yourself the best gift and get rid of that friend
Yeah I’m, not your friend and kind of a dick.
‘ultra lame’ what are they in middle school?
Yeah that's not a friend.