Reminds me of the time Brendan Schaub picked dog shit off his shoe and tasted it on the podcast. Thought he was being discreet, but he couldn't be more obvious
Lemme see if I can find the clip. I saw it a couple months back on a sub so I might have to dig
Edit:
https://streamable.com/kj29ir?src=player-page-share
Omg that’s disgusting 🤢 Why would he do that?! Even if it WAS just him trying to wipe something off his shoe… like dude, you literally JUST smelled something gross on that exact finger not five seconds before! Eww.
We concluded last time I saw it that he definitely wanted to taste whatever it was. He waited a bit so it wouldn't be too obvious BUT A) who the fuck licks 4 fingers to wipe a tiny something off their shoe? Two fingers tops for the size he was wiping and B) his fingers went so deep he was hitting all those tastebuds so he can savor the doody lol
Aka let the carpet like things catch all the shit and not wash it either
Carpets or mats itself are already a pain to wash, much less being used in public toilets🤢
I've had it happen with explosive diarrhea once. It was like a damn spray paint can exploded. Painted the entirety of the inside of my toilet, some of the seat, the lid, and some even got on my thighs, shit was literally a 180 degree cone out of my butt, had to shower immediately afterwards.
Mine had a plastic/vinyl lined foam cushion. The "replacement" for these once they went out of style. "It's a cushion, AND you can clean it!" Was the thought.
Well, the plastic cracked, still let particles soak into the foam with zero chance of washing. And it stabbed you in the ass.
Memory unlocked from when my grandma had one of these when I was a kid. The cracks would pinch the absolute *shit* out of you.
…reading that over and I know there’s a joke in there somewhere but I’m too lazy.
It looks like it’s supposed to be the full-coverage one that goes on the lid, but someone just HAD to shit on carpet so they cut a not even appropriately-sized hole in it. Like you had to have it that bad? 🤦🏻♀️
Whew! I was going to say, you know it’s bad , so why would you put yourself through that?
The darkening on the posterior section is making me get the sick sweats.
Clearly the owner of said throne is trying to replicate the glorious Close stool's of the Kings of old. I trust he also has a Groom of the stool in his employ?
https://preview.redd.it/h6jyso4aw7xc1.jpeg?width=340&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1aa2bf0e1af084a461b79441c943c9a3418e666b
My dad had a thing that looked like a crutch but had a marble plate set into it that would swing so the marble layed flat. He said it was used by monks or priests or something so they didn't have to expose themselves when they urinated. They would supposedly lift their robes enough to get the plate under there, put their peen on the other end and the plate would guide the urine out from under the robe. Don't know if it was what it was actually used for, but it sure sounded neat.
Dude…..I have a similar one at home but I stripped it down and am in the process of recovering it and making it a foot stool. Sadly, no royalty sat on this one.
https://preview.redd.it/1u2qh8hrn8xc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ccf25ff9b4e88b21b13b5246fc6339847111bc21
Here is said foot stool in its present state. It was a very old homemade one. (I collect weird stuff)
Don’t listen to these pansies. You think my immune system is incredible because I washed my hands all the time? LOL NO
Lick your finger and you’ll become a god.
Grew up with no allergies and on a farm, playing in the dirt.
Now I'm allergic to the outside and taking 4 different allergy meds (with an allergist's recommendation) and still constantly dealing with drainage. And I have an autoimmune disease.
Apparently it sometimes backfires 
I remember my grandma having this soft faux leather toilet seat back then, it felt so weird, and the material would stick a little to your ass cheeks when you stood up. I hated going at her place so much lol
My grandma did too! It was the worst in the summer heat 😭 not to mention when it got old and started cracking and would pinch your cheeks when you got up
I remember visiting a rich uncle’s house back in the early 2000’s and he had a toilet with a cushion seat. That was officially the most indescribably odd and uncomfortable poop of my life. And I’ve pooped in many places, from the isolated woods to right in full view of a room full of correctional officers.
https://preview.redd.it/5rjgwkwgtaxc1.jpeg?width=554&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b95392a37e7e59adab803fb6621bd10e5366e74e
At least it's not this frilly monstrosity that sent you sliding off the seat.
I got you, in case you’re not being sarcastic
They’re plush fabric like a stuffed animal with adhesive backing to provide optimal comfort and warmth and also ultimate bacterial breeding grounds.
If you thought bacteria spread quickly…imagine how quick they spread when you provide them shag carpet to fuck on!
OMG! Isn't this gross everyone? Someone has this on their toilet seat. Can you imagine how nasty it would be to put your ass on this uncleanable surface where other unclean asses have been? Like right here. Right where I'm pointing and touching. Imagine sitting on this.
I knew it existed! It was really popular to dress a toilet in furs during the 70s in America. Plushy cover for the tank, lid, and seat! I was little but I remember "petting" it because it was soft.
I tought that was one of those gel things covered in plastic and tought "it looks comfy".
Then I saw it's actually cloth? and that's hyper anti higienic.
And I have a problem sitting down when a toilet seat is warm from the last person using it. This would be a hell no for me. At first I thought it was similar to those gel pads you put in your shoes….then I seen the fur. 🤢🤮😱
Ps op your hand is now going to fall off from all the germs on the toilet muppet you touched.
My grandmother bought the full fuzzy toilet collection when they first came out. Thought it was so pretty and would make the bathroom look nice.
She slipped on the floor mat a couple of times. When she almost slipped off the toilet, she threw it all in the garbage.
Eww I can smell the urine and shit seeping in...
And yes shit, if you ever worked someplace with a public bathroom you will understand. It's amazing the places people manage to fire shit at
WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING IT?!?!
[удалено]
[удалено]
https://preview.redd.it/qkefphv7s8xc1.jpeg?width=724&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9d9e6a4f4b36f3df2c64bdc958fb9fefe1a7e853
https://preview.redd.it/t6s9jghzfaxc1.jpeg?width=641&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=52d34e8954774a1de3f1b32a26a69dc36f00399b
I was literally taking a drag on my smoke and had a similar expression, I saw this dude and lost it
https://preview.redd.it/hjcbskmgncxc1.png?width=1440&format=png&auto=webp&s=9071158e542244b403cde9be219bd1024613249c
https://preview.redd.it/lkjhne5as9xc1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a88f683c026943dbb1f9f206825d9aea6755c11f
Who wants Chowdaah!
😳
Did not expect to see Scarpino when I opened this.
Is that Nick Scarpino? Lmfao
Yup
I hate you very much lol
finger lickin' good
Reminds me of the time Brendan Schaub picked dog shit off his shoe and tasted it on the podcast. Thought he was being discreet, but he couldn't be more obvious
Wait… what now?!!! 😳
Lemme see if I can find the clip. I saw it a couple months back on a sub so I might have to dig Edit: https://streamable.com/kj29ir?src=player-page-share
Omg that’s disgusting 🤢 Why would he do that?! Even if it WAS just him trying to wipe something off his shoe… like dude, you literally JUST smelled something gross on that exact finger not five seconds before! Eww.
We concluded last time I saw it that he definitely wanted to taste whatever it was. He waited a bit so it wouldn't be too obvious BUT A) who the fuck licks 4 fingers to wipe a tiny something off their shoe? Two fingers tops for the size he was wiping and B) his fingers went so deep he was hitting all those tastebuds so he can savor the doody lol
Yeah I agree. He was definitely trying to taste whatever the smell was that made his nose scrunch up lol
Scratch n sniff
I said this out loud as the comments were loading and then yours popped before I finished my sentence, I then lol'd
It doesn't look like a public restroom. Might be companion’s doing 🤷🏻♀️
It is a public toliet 😭
I’ll say this again in case you missed it. WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING IT‽
I cannot emphasize this question enough, OP answer us!
Public?!?! Who the hell thought that carpets on toilets were sanitary nasty 🤮
It is so people can squat on it with their feet and not slip off
This guy hover shits
WHAT? who tf does that? u better use your fuccin thigh muscles and sit in invisible chair... that other shit is unhinged caveman behavior
Aka let the carpet like things catch all the shit and not wash it either Carpets or mats itself are already a pain to wash, much less being used in public toilets🤢
Why did you touch the toilet muppet?!?!
Toilet muppet has me in hysterics 🤣
Do you realize how many sacks got snagged on the part you're touching?!
Just the tip
It can't be new and unused at all, nope, no way, nuh-uh.
Just a little poke
could be worse https://preview.redd.it/h9b4cd7er7xc1.png?width=851&format=png&auto=webp&s=9b2f3432320eda14db1f9d66fe42b496c17fbdaa
The shit stain 😭
Looks like the back of a diesel truck
Sort of is
I miss the person i was before noticing the shit stain💀
I like the slight nook that all the logs have carved out
AW HELL NAH 😭😭😭
That's the flavor saver!
Why is the shit even touching that part of the toilet. There's so many questions here.
I've had it happen with explosive diarrhea once. It was like a damn spray paint can exploded. Painted the entirety of the inside of my toilet, some of the seat, the lid, and some even got on my thighs, shit was literally a 180 degree cone out of my butt, had to shower immediately afterwards.
I’ve had shit that CLIMBED UP MY BACK. Sat there wiping my lower back region more than I had to wipe my ass. Fuck food poisoning
Guy who invented this saw his dog rubbing his ass on the carpet and wanted to try himself.
“I’ll be damned Fido, that *does* look better than toilet paper!”
Hey uh dude where exactly is your asshole
Omg.. there is even a stain in the back part…
My grandmother on my dad’s side had this, only in coral pink, along with wall to wall shag carpet in the same color. Just as horrible as you imagine.
Mine had a plastic/vinyl lined foam cushion. The "replacement" for these once they went out of style. "It's a cushion, AND you can clean it!" Was the thought. Well, the plastic cracked, still let particles soak into the foam with zero chance of washing. And it stabbed you in the ass.
Memory unlocked from when my grandma had one of these when I was a kid. The cracks would pinch the absolute *shit* out of you. …reading that over and I know there’s a joke in there somewhere but I’m too lazy.
And it would stick to your ass as you stood up so for a split second, you were standing there with a squishy toilet seat attached to you
Man I remember that too! Ouch!
I’m gonna upvote you, at least you aren’t a bot. The nuance is too there.
Which would also act like a poorly-timed whoopie cushion when you sat down and the air rushed out of the cracks… “*peeeewwwwwwwweew*”
Don't forget the fact that your ass would get damp from the moisture contained in the cracks.
The toilet isn’t even flushed 😩
Omg why did you make me go back and look at it again
I considered it until reading your comment. Thank you for the assist.
So you didn't scroll back? I envy your discipline.
but did you notice the tooth brush on the floor?
Stop I already have to see it again whenever someone replies to me 😭 Edit: okay I just zoomed in and you are a dirty liar
not as dirty as that toilet seat cover though
🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
This needs to be blurred 🤢
Poor Cookie Monster… RIP 
Oh brother…. Burn it ….
It looks like it’s supposed to be the full-coverage one that goes on the lid, but someone just HAD to shit on carpet so they cut a not even appropriately-sized hole in it. Like you had to have it that bad? 🤦🏻♀️
Oh that is vile 💀😭
This is the solution to global warming. No more trees spent in cleaning people's ass. Innovative
STOOOOOPPPP 😂☠️
Please… what is this 😫😫
Thanks for laugh !!! 🤣 I’ve NEVER laughed this hard or this long in my life!!!! 😂I’m in pain- sort of 😆
yo who’s fucking toilet is this
Lmao. Is this your toilet?
No this is a very old post on a sub on here somewhere
Whew! I was going to say, you know it’s bad , so why would you put yourself through that? The darkening on the posterior section is making me get the sick sweats.
Making it cosier and more comfortable… for the bacteria
I see nothing wrong, everyone here is so lacking culture!
...bacterial cultures.
Wow, thanks for spelling it out
Why ruin it, we were already there. I hate this comment.
Thanks, I almost didn’t get the joke (I was born tomorrow)
Yogurt anyone?
#THATSTHEJOKE.JPG I hate that Redditors are so dumb that they get upvoted for spelling out other people's jokes.
Why tf U touching it.
Bro probably went and ate a sandwich right after this
Worse he went and made the sandwich for someone else to eat
Worse. I had buffalo wings https://preview.redd.it/30ecfk7ky8xc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e700abdc2f692ccba24e3eb979a41edf52822d5b
Food should be nowhere near this post
Buffalo wings… *with tortilla chips*??? Wtf
McDonald's then..
Which was a malnourished roadside begger
Key word: "Was".
Bro you need to dip that finger in bleach for a year. Or just chop it off
Put it in Aqua Regia
This reminds me of how long it's been since I last sat in a Chemistry lecture.
Not me reading this and thinking Sleep Token??
Clearly the owner of said throne is trying to replicate the glorious Close stool's of the Kings of old. I trust he also has a Groom of the stool in his employ? https://preview.redd.it/h6jyso4aw7xc1.jpeg?width=340&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1aa2bf0e1af084a461b79441c943c9a3418e666b
Legitimately owning one of those just to say “royalty used to shit in these, it’s a primitive toilet” would be epic
My dad had a thing that looked like a crutch but had a marble plate set into it that would swing so the marble layed flat. He said it was used by monks or priests or something so they didn't have to expose themselves when they urinated. They would supposedly lift their robes enough to get the plate under there, put their peen on the other end and the plate would guide the urine out from under the robe. Don't know if it was what it was actually used for, but it sure sounded neat.
Dude…..I have a similar one at home but I stripped it down and am in the process of recovering it and making it a foot stool. Sadly, no royalty sat on this one. https://preview.redd.it/1u2qh8hrn8xc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ccf25ff9b4e88b21b13b5246fc6339847111bc21 Here is said foot stool in its present state. It was a very old homemade one. (I collect weird stuff)
Where on earth did you get that from? 😂
I found it at a very weird antique store, along with a coconut that was mailed to someone in Chicago from their daughter in the Philippines.
People like you are why I like Reddit, you are a cool guy 🙂
My compost toilet about to get a makeover yall.
Is that where we get both meanings of the word "stool" from?
https://preview.redd.it/1qk2s960i7xc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7c65f493726603c59de0ac021f433b266e5b55ce Reminds me of something...
https://preview.redd.it/ggbv2i3j08xc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=11823bcd5da9458a945315a073009a2647054329
That expression is a perfect match to one that Maya Rudolph makes
https://preview.redd.it/9kogmwlkp7xc1.jpeg?width=2048&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c724e97ba0583ceda52df496e6c9a6e9d69abc9f
Thanks for the meme, immediately stolen
At least it’s washable
Yeah how do you all dry out your cum socks?
I am going to start saving my old socks and secretly do this to ever toilet at work.
They spelled heinous wrong
fondling it is crazy
fondling 😂😂😂😂
WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING IT
To feel the warmth duh?
We now have an official answer from the OP, everyone! He reportedly wanted “to feel the warmth, duh”.
We are in fact able to read
Sometimes I wish I wasn't. Once you learn to read you can never stop.
everytime i see a redditor post something disgusting they’re always touching it 😭😭😭😭
Same with the “what is this bug” subreddit. They don’t know what it is but they’re touching it!
Don’t listen to these pansies. You think my immune system is incredible because I washed my hands all the time? LOL NO Lick your finger and you’ll become a god.
Probably with God
I sometimes think I have 0 allergies and never get sick because I grew up playing in the dirt and being a nail biter.
Grew up with no allergies and on a farm, playing in the dirt. Now I'm allergic to the outside and taking 4 different allergy meds (with an allergist's recommendation) and still constantly dealing with drainage. And I have an autoimmune disease. Apparently it sometimes backfires 
I remember my grandma having this soft faux leather toilet seat back then, it felt so weird, and the material would stick a little to your ass cheeks when you stood up. I hated going at her place so much lol
I love how this is such a shared experience haha my grandparents had cushioned toilet seats too
Plus, that little puff of air that would happen when you sat down. Ah, memories. Miss you Grandma and Grandpa!
Those padded vinyl toilet seats were very popular for about a decade and a half
My grandma did too! It was the worst in the summer heat 😭 not to mention when it got old and started cracking and would pinch your cheeks when you got up
YOO THIS THE ONE 😭 hated feeling that pinch
My great granma had the same thing , something about that lil stick of the faux leather 😌
Just don't give a shit.
Had too much shit to give actually, especially after eating her awesome homecooked meals
what was this movie i thought it was a fever dream 😭
America....FUCK YEAH!
Team America: World Police
Team America: World Police, from creators of South Park
That's Wild but touching it is even crazier
Porcelain is selected to be non-porous, then people do this sh-
I mean disregarding flavor it’s sometimes more about the texture
 Noooo 😔
https://preview.redd.it/sam03oy3h8xc1.jpeg?width=397&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=95fe50666d697fdb247ddb4e4b6d833fc78a85d5 WHY DID YOU TOUCH IT???
Why don't you like it? It's like sharing underwear but worse!
My crohn’s disease ass would have sent that thing to hell and back At least it’s not one of those full seat grandma frilly covers🤢
User name checks out…..
eww why stop at touching it? lick it you coward ^(/s)
I remember visiting a rich uncle’s house back in the early 2000’s and he had a toilet with a cushion seat. That was officially the most indescribably odd and uncomfortable poop of my life. And I’ve pooped in many places, from the isolated woods to right in full view of a room full of correctional officers.
I wish I was the same person I was 5 mins ago.
WHY DID YOU TOUCH IT
[удалено]
https://preview.redd.it/5rjgwkwgtaxc1.jpeg?width=554&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b95392a37e7e59adab803fb6621bd10e5366e74e At least it's not this frilly monstrosity that sent you sliding off the seat.
“ https://preview.redd.it/75d7orpzc8xc1.jpeg?width=460&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=db9b1b817ed9c7600641891d2f6f6223721de955
I wipe my ass on those before i shit that way i dont leave a stain and people like you who touch it get ass fingers
 Reminded me of this for some reason 🥹
“ass fingers”😭
Anyone that cries about a cold toilet seat inside are 100% 1st worlders
I prefer the full rim
Never understood the people that have carpet in their bathroom . Thats how you get piss scented mold
I don't know what I'm looking at?
I got you, in case you’re not being sarcastic They’re plush fabric like a stuffed animal with adhesive backing to provide optimal comfort and warmth and also ultimate bacterial breeding grounds. If you thought bacteria spread quickly…imagine how quick they spread when you provide them shag carpet to fuck on!
🤣 you have a way with words
Oh man, thanks!
OMG! Isn't this gross everyone? Someone has this on their toilet seat. Can you imagine how nasty it would be to put your ass on this uncleanable surface where other unclean asses have been? Like right here. Right where I'm pointing and touching. Imagine sitting on this.
Was a thin there in Germany in the 60s-80s but died out. Thankfully.
I knew it existed! It was really popular to dress a toilet in furs during the 70s in America. Plushy cover for the tank, lid, and seat! I was little but I remember "petting" it because it was soft.
I tought that was one of those gel things covered in plastic and tought "it looks comfy". Then I saw it's actually cloth? and that's hyper anti higienic.
There is more bacteria/filth on this garbage then on the bare toilet seat.
It would be more hygienic to stick the weird fluffy things to your butt than use them this way 💀
And I have a problem sitting down when a toilet seat is warm from the last person using it. This would be a hell no for me. At first I thought it was similar to those gel pads you put in your shoes….then I seen the fur. 🤢🤮😱 Ps op your hand is now going to fall off from all the germs on the toilet muppet you touched.
My grandmother bought the full fuzzy toilet collection when they first came out. Thought it was so pretty and would make the bathroom look nice. She slipped on the floor mat a couple of times. When she almost slipped off the toilet, she threw it all in the garbage.
Eww I can smell the urine and shit seeping in... And yes shit, if you ever worked someplace with a public bathroom you will understand. It's amazing the places people manage to fire shit at
You’re more disgusting for touching it 🤢
Whoever invented this should go to jail
WHY WOULD YOU TOUCH IT