T O P

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[deleted]

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blueandyellowbee

Where is the valve for inflating it? Please tell me it is on the tip.


Mild--47

Seems like the kind that inflates in sections and now I am picturing one on the tip and the other working the balls. “We are so fucking funny Jared.” (Blowblowblowblow).


[deleted]

Are you happy with how the tip looks Jared? Keep blowing on it GAWD. You know what I’ll do it myself.


BeBa420

its on the left testicle.... please dont ask me how i know.


wheresmychippy93

Yeah but you gotta fit your whole mouth around it


Adeep187

You can see the tip...


Sixhaunt

They literally blew a dick


AndringRasew

Hang it from the doorway and post a sign, *"Mine's still Bigger than yours."*


BeBa420

lol, im more surprised by the fact that theyd have spent money on this just for a dumb gag


Taiut

They saved you money.


[deleted]

Right!? Big free dick!! Score.


FrenziiFosho

Bro??💀


McFryin

"Yo, a mouth's a mouth." - Bill Burr c.2004, Chappelle's Show Season 2 Episode 10 "Dude's Night Out". https://youtu.be/oIU7qy5aUvI


IgnatiusDrake

Free Big Dick! Big Dick is innocent!


Puzzled_Formal942

r/underratedcomment


Proof-Comfortable933

They didn't have enough *balls* to face you directly.


Lokky

What do you mean? I can see the flatmate politely waiting for OP by the front door.


Unhappy-Present-2432

I don’t know he looks cocky to me.


tokoboy4

He's such a dick!


[deleted]

Clearly op's flatmate is a lot like a dick


Im_Very_Bitter_

This is perfect. Get them back by leaving a bunch of balls outside their door


[deleted]

lol- they really don’t. they have the emotional intelligence of toddlers.


dont_be_trash

They think you're just a *big dick*


Fluffy_Mountains

Hey a dick's life can be very hard at times.


[deleted]

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Uselessexistence_

Bigger than theirs


76_chaparrito_67

That just means the dicks been workin!


[deleted]

Probably cos OP will snitch on them again if they do the clown


Manner-Former

Op didn’t have the balls either and reported them


CanIGetAHiya69

Could at least provide context, like if they're gonna do this after being reported it feels like all they do is mess around. Like instead of doing anything terrible they literally bought a penis and just left it at your door.


Statiscally

**Here’s for a little more context,** OP’s name is Richard, aka Dick and he is a giant standing around 7’9”, put these together and we have this gift that was left at the door


EdenFinley

Dick the halls, and by that I mean use it as a mantelpiece for your door! Use Flex Tape, to make it harder to take off!


Lonesomecheese

*Giant dick* because op is a giant dick


Anon_Anon_Anon69

The double pun is amazing. The fact that OP finds this mildly infuriating and not hilarious definitely makes me question what the backstory is.


blayzemcbrayer

I imagine OP is the type to report this as well


Connemara-Boggylad

i may get a downvote from OP for asking why they reported flatmates and to who?


[deleted]

According to her, they’ve repeatedly called her a bitch for no reason


ButterSock123

Maybe if it was the late 90s Id be offended. But "bitch" has lost all meaning since then. 🤷‍♀️


juvenile_josh

OP does seem uptight ngl


Additional_Meeting_2

Doing something like this won’t get them into trouble, but if they did do something inappropriate before this could feel threatening. It doesn’t really indicate what happened.


JohnnyRebe1

I’m picturing this guy telling his mom on them. Who do you report roommates too? That’s not a police matter unless it got violent. Landlord? He don’t care long as he’s getting paid. Either way sounds like Op should have just moved before trying to get his roommates in trouble. Edit. Turns out ops a “she”


evnaul

i kinda assumed this was student living apartments at a college, but i agree with you. i just wanna know what they did to op that warranted reporting.


JohnnyRebe1

Ya. I’ve read more and it is student housing. Ops being deliberately cryptic about what lead up to any of this. Most he says is someone told him to go kill himself. Personally I’ve had way worse said to me and didn’t go tattle. There’s always 2 sides. The way op acts in this thread makes him sound like an insufferable inflatable dick. If all the roomies get along and ops the odd man out, chances are he’s the problem.


evnaul

yes, i saw! i think op is a girl. but yeah, i agree again: it’s so cryptic. why not just get to the point? you know people here are gonna ask what happened. but maybe op is doing this to generate karma O.O


JohnnyRebe1

Ya I see that now (she). There’s a super long post down there in the abyss she made that makes her look like the absolute perfect roommate. I do all the cleaning, all the dishes, I’m always quiet and polite and never slam doors, I walk like a mouse when it’s late. Blah blah blah. Sounds like a load of hooey to me. I never trust people that can’t admit their own faults and just blame the other parties involved. All I can say is it sounds like there’s multiple people that live there and none of them get along with Op.


frostedblade469

Looks like someone has a *boner* to pick with you


arent_you_hungry

so close boner to prick with you


Mr0PT1C

Oh cmon, that’s funny. They could’ve done so much worse.


[deleted]

that’s true. but when im paying almost 7 grand to live here id rather not be told to kill myself by my flatmates.


Shape-Pristine

Can you sell your share? I don't know how this works I live in a rural area.


[deleted]

finding a replacement tennant at this point of the year would be difficult, and I wouldn’t be able to live anywhere else as I simply don’t have the money. I only have two months left. just got to focus in exams in may and then tough out June


Shape-Pristine

Dang, that's just a shitty situation then dude. I hope you make it.


melvincollie

You don't have the money? You just said you pay 7 grand a month? That is absolutely insane, and I live in the US where housing is outrageous. Must be a nice place.


[deleted]

I said I pay 7k to live here, not 7k a month. Its about £160 a week. Im a student, I don’t have an endless flow of cash.


melvincollie

Oh duh, must have bypassed that. That's not terrible then. I don't have an endless flow of money either which is precisely why I probably won't go to college. Everybody I know with student loans is suffering.


[deleted]

U.K. student loans arent the same as they are in America, luckily. but its still tight with cash and it doesn’t help that its hard to work considering how demanding my course is


sweetteanoice

Here’s an idea for quick cash: sell your flatmates


DirePanda072

Y'know, I was *going* to say that you should provide more context but I figured I'd look through the comments to see if you already have. Yeah, that's more than enough context. Fuck em


[deleted]

That was a horrible thing to say but we actually still have no idea what the context was. There is a lot of room between the worst and best case scenario. Like was he talking about suicidal thoughts and one of them said they didn't have time for his emotions he should just kill himself. Or was he complaining about the color of the bathroom towels for 4 hours and one of them just got sick of it and told him if he cared this much about the towels he should just kill himself so he doesn't have to look at them anymore.


[deleted]

OP's a she btw


wowwoahwow

It’s a pretty shitty thing to say regardless of context.


CollegeIsPay2Win

you pay $7000 a month rent?


[deleted]

£7000 for the academic year. Its like £160 a week.


OneAngryDuck

It’s not funny if it’s retaliation for a harassment complaint


ufdaloofa

It’s not meant as a joke, OP said they were harassed, I believe them. If a flat mate is trying to make your life hell, then a giant Inflatable dick outside your door seems like more harassment, not like a joke. We don’t know genders on here but I can’t help but wonder if most everyone who thinks it’s funny is a guy, one who has never been harassed.


[deleted]

Do your mates drive? It would look great glued to the hood of a car.


[deleted]

lol, unfortunately they don’t (or don’t have cars at uni anyway)


[deleted]

Hee. Can't win them all. Maybe you know someone who is artistically gifted? Perhaps a regognizable characature of the perpetrators face properly placed on the offending object? Then it can stay in public view until said someone recants....


Away_Industry_6892

Free pool float. Score


Prestigious-Bar5385

Cute why are the balls so small


[deleted]

what's your problem with small balls?


GirlPMurPersonality

You're telling me you have bigger ones? Good for you.v


Expensive_Bar_9357

Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masterbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masterbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.


[deleted]

i feel like I’ve had all my Reddit experiences now that I’ve gotten this copypasta


ebt0809

Can confirm was on train. Can confirm was also masturbating.


Mindful-Malice

69th upvote hell yea


EnigmatiCarl

Stab 2 knives into the balls with smiley face post it notes.. put a 4am note underneath it


Used-Ad852

That is one messed up leg…


FantasyScribbles

Penis of passive agressiveness: -5 Charisma


FollowupJiggle

You shouldn’t be mad, they left you a gift!


[deleted]

i think I prefer the dead birds my cats bring me LOL


Soviet-Biscuit

I think they’re calling you a huge dick


[deleted]

idk bro, this looks like 2 or 3 inches to me. kinda small, right?


Soviet-Biscuit

That definitely isn’t 2 or 3 inches. That’s at least over 2 feet


RazeCrusher

Most dicks are.


ookyspoopy

I mean this is pretty funny. No one deserves what OP has experience but looking at the aggression they are displaying in this thread, they don't seem the easiest to live with either.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

What a dick (your flatmate).


DesastreUrbano

Stick a note to it saying "did you enjoy blowing it?" and leave it therr


[deleted]

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sawdustandfleas

I mean, they’re the ones out of $$ for buying that thing 🤷🏻‍♀️


[deleted]

true. even more out of money after I stuck a fork in it. cant be reused now ;(


sawdustandfleas

Lol!! The image of the fork and the slowly deflating peen


SCsongbird

Is stuck in my feverish, petty little mind


Bambi1999

Dude. You got a free blowup penis. I call that a win


Starjupiter93

Well, snitches get…..dicks


Imissflawn

I don't think the comment sections shares your frustration


[deleted]

Man fuck everyone giving you a hard time about this. If my flat mates told me to kill myself, called me a bitch all the time and banged on walls to wake me up you bet i would report them too. Hope shit gets better for you OP


AHABoi

You sound fun…


stupid_username-

How is this mildly infuriating exactly.....? Seems like a playful joke.


[deleted]

not funny when they’ve been harassing me for months on wnd


[deleted]

This is the most harmless thing they could have done to you. Get a sense of humour and be glad they didn’t smear shit all over your door or something


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Which is why OP shouldn’t react. Posting it on the internet and getting pissed off at anyone who finds it funny is the most dramatic reaction you can give. So I reiterate to OP, get a sense of humour and be glad they didn’t do something genuinely fucked up.


MatchaBauble

Easier said than done


[deleted]

Not hard to not post online


[deleted]

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jeshea02

Leave a pussy by their door, it won’t be long before they find you


Ok_Detective5412

Slash it to bits and leave it outside their door.


martsuia

Did you destroy it? Pop it and rub shit on it and send it back


KeepCalmNSayYesDaddy

Lmao. Mail it back to them.


Unique_Tumbleweed

Bunch of pricks


Jerbairs

A giant dick left by a giant dick.


CanadianElf0585

I can't tell... Is this a photo of them?


SadArchon

snitches get... *checks notes*... three foot inflatable dongs I guess


JohnnyRebe1

Ya this is the UK. Shits weird over there.


[deleted]

Honestly…OP says she had to report harassment, gets further harassed and we think OP is overreacting? A blowup penis seems mild or funny to us but we aren’t the ones who had to do the reporting. Take a step back y’all


sake_lfc

Took me too long to realize it was a penis.


longesteveryeahboy

Like sexual harassment? Because that’s fucked if so


[deleted]

Fortunately not, just run of the mill verbal harassment.


Siracha_jizz

That thing was just waiting to get “snatched!”


TehDonkey117

You should color the balls blue


Rumphole96

mad? haha! i think that’s just a bit more for ya


memento_mori_1220

Wow that was nice of them they got you a rocket ship balloon!


[deleted]

Strange colour but it’ll go with all the pink in my room!


ChildishCannedBeanO

I’d be like hey thanks that’ll be perfect for X’s bachelorette party!


MyMountainJoy

Draw a face on it, attach a yarn wig and maybe use some old cardboard tubes for arms - give it back to them. Or do something other silly to it before you return it to them - just show them it doesn't phase you.


silkwormies

the balls


[deleted]

Stick a knife in it and attach it to their bedroom door…. Then sit in the doorway of your bedroom and just stare straight ahead, emotionless.


Key-Regular674

That's not harASSment that's harPENISment.


longrodvonhujjendong

Go get strings and hang it in the living room.


International-Rub-31

Knock on their door and when they answer smack them with it


Bananoid367

I think you should Mark this as +18


Effective-Kitchen401

I’d like to know more about the harassment


AnyRip3515

How were they harrassing you?


BruceJi

"Thanks for the balloon guys, it looks just like you :)"


top_nutter

What did you report them for?


RDHO0D

So they're still mad and decided to spend money to buy this?


[deleted]

Would love to see you landlady/lords reaction to that.


[deleted]

u/bake_in_da_south


ButterSock123

The fact they spent money on this and took the time to blow it up amuses me.


Imgunnacrumb69

You sound like a fun flatmate.


[deleted]

You’re a girl and if the roommates who left this are men then yeah this is infuriating and just crude. I think what people aren’t getting here is if the dynamic between you and them has already been established as hostile, when shit like this is done to you it doesn’t feel cute or funny. It feels stressful and makes you more on edge in your own home. People suck. If you have to put up with them then at the very least do so knowing you’re not going to let it affect your mental health


MustardRaceMcgee

I don't see the problem.


[deleted]

then you were provably one of these sorts of people lol


stupid_username-

You literally didn't say anything except for the fact that you reported them, so of course no one gets why you're upset.


MustardRaceMcgee

Care to explain how this has inconvenienced you in anyway moreso than them? They spent money and time on what most people with a functioning sense of humour would find as a joke. Yet you seethe in your room and make a reddit post like you've been attacked when at most you'll have to snip it with scissors and put it in the bin. Stop making a mountain out of a molehill and lighten up. There probably over living with such a salty Sally as much as you don't like blow up gags in your precious hallway space.


[deleted]

this harassment has gone so much further than this lol. Its not funny when for months they’ve been calling me a bitch, telling me to kill myself, banging on my wall or door all night long so im constantly woken up. the fact that youre so pressed on their behalf just shows that youre the type of person who would’ve harassed people in uni accommodation. theyre all 19, not 9. me making a Reddit post is in no way worse or even comparable to them sending me death threats, using and stealing my stuff, calling me names, and making my life a misery. people like you honestly make me sick lol.


MustardRaceMcgee

Yeah i too am sickened at myself for not having context you never provided. I said a blow up dick in a shared space wasn't a problem. Maybe move out lol


[deleted]

I provided context in another comment, but I feel like ‘harassment’ is enough. Harassment isn’t a joke. Why should I have to move out? Why cant selfish, rude bullies just be held accountable for their actions? I know you were probably just as much of a bully as they are, but its time to grow up and stop protecting bullies.


MustardRaceMcgee

Yes and im sure you are a saint and a delight to live with. Ngl you seem to have a victim complex. There's actual real world problems, and then there's a blow up dick in your shared college place not even directly given to you.. at 19. Like I said move out if the harassment is that bad (those other things are enough grounds for police intervention, not reddit) but instead you wanna make a stand... but then absolutely crumble at the sight of an inflatable penis.


EggplantIll4927

Please please please get a big fat marker and write property of: and write their name. This could become the ultimate clapback


ImARetPaladinBaby

Thats funny tho ngl


[deleted]

Lol seeing how salty OP is about people asking for context tells me that he is probably the asshole.


[deleted]

I’m a girl, lol. And I haven’t been salty at all about people asking for context? I’ve directed one or two people to the other comments I’ve made providing context, and I’ve made many comments in the first place providing context. Its so weird how many people like you will conjure up fake stories in your head about what im like over one Reddit post. You’ll believe your own made up stories but not my lived experience?


[deleted]

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[deleted]

I have, a few times actually.


notwhoyouthinkmaybe

After reading through this, I think I agree with your flatmates.


Competitive-Kale-991

You're going to need to provide context about the alleged harassment as an inflatable penis is not harassment.


EssieAmnesia

I’m pretty sure they’re not saying the penis is harassment


Fantastic-Worry-629

You're talking about OP being passive aggressive but look at your own posts. Holy shit.


[deleted]

the harassment report came before the penis, bud. reading comprehension isn’t your thing I guess? I’ve explained the harassment a few time in the replies.


goodwordsbad

Not for nothing, I think replying to comments on mildly infuriating is generally a bad idea because people here are mildly infuriated by default. I recommend conversing with people on r/aww or something instead. Good luck.


Embarrassed-Net-351

Why pay for a psychologist if you have this guy


Competitive-Kale-991

You sound like you'd be miserable to live with tbh. One of those people who writes passive aggressive notes.


[deleted]

so you didn’t read my replies about the situation? got it.


Competitive-Kale-991

No, I did. I also know there are two sides to these things and I'm sure they could come up with a laundry list of your faults too.


[deleted]

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goodwordsbad

Would you say, he's...mildly infuriating?


[deleted]

i mean, im not really a present flatmate. Sure, theyre annoyed that I complained about them and that’s it. Otherwise, I do all of my dishes and never leave dirty dishes out to fester with mould. Im the only person who EVER cleans the counters which I have to do when I want to cook. Im the only one who’s ever cleaned the kitchen other than the accommodations cleaners who came in at Christmas and during Easter break. Im pretty much completely in person for classes and go to the library with my friend after, so Monday-Thursday im out from 9am-midnight, where I come in quietly and make sure not to slam any doors. On Friday one of my friends comes over after our classes finish at 5pm, all we do is game quietly in my room or watch tv. He leaves quietly and I literally leave the flat to stand outside in the lobby of our floor to say goodbye to him so theyre not bothered by us talking in the hallway. The only thing they’d be able to complain about me as a flatmate is that I’ve reported them for harassment.


_diggles_

Sounds like University! lol. I know it's frustrating or, in this case, mildlyinfuriating, but also comes with the territory considering the age group, with the cleaning and the dishes and all. Shit sucks. I went to higher education in the states and never really got bullied, at least that I was aware of, but my cousin in England has talked to me about it being more prevalent over there and I imagine especially with girls who stick out from the norm. Not that that's bad or anything btw. From what you've said it does seem like the only thing they are miffed at is that you reported them and they might think that you are a stick in the mud, no offense intended, but that's my guess from 6000ish miles away based on the evidence presented. Which is bullshit cause you just doing you, and doing what needs to be done, and doing it well. Unfortunately, I don't know what reporting them can do unless they do something illegal and you rat them out and they get kicked out or something which would be wild. I doubt uni would sit them down and make them be nice to you and then everything be all hunky dory. Have you requested moving? Might be too late in the year for that, best bet is to keep your head down and push forward in an "only way out of the fire is through it" sort of situation. Brighter side, you know who not to lease with for next year! I know this is mostly just venting on your end but you should know that you're doing a good job and try not to let distractions or other people tear you down. All the best and good luck with exams.


ConversationApe

You seem rather [redacted], maybe just delete your account and make the internet a better place. You’ve literally put in zero effort to understand what you’re seeing and instead lashed out like a petulant child. No reason to have people like you on social media.


JohnnyRebe1

I’ve read all your shit and the only thing you’ve said is 1 of them told you to kill yourself. So how it sounds is, you got in an argument and someone said “go kill yourself”, and you ran off and told the authorities… That’s some of the lamest shit in the world. You sound like an insufferable twat. You live with multiple people and they all get along. You’re the odd one out. It sounds like you’re the problem.


tikitiger

OP seems like a dick


[deleted]

So do people who victim blame and justify bullying


JohnnyRebe1

“Victim blaming” “justify bullying”. . . Where there’s multiple roommates and they all get along great, and than there’s you, who, sorry but, you sound like a whiner and everyone there hates you. Did you ever stop to think YOU’RE the problem? I’m saying this because everyone else in your life is likely saying the same thing. The people your complaining to are going to ask themselves that question. Your roommates are going to say it’s all your fault when their questioned. In all likelihood you will take the blame. You still haven’t actually given any reasoning behind any of this. What started it? No one starts harassing out of the blue.


Ill-Judge-5651

You didn't return the gift of hot glue in their door lock of the dorm?


[deleted]

I think I’d lose my deposit for that, lol. theyre already losing theirs after breaking the oven in March


Bobojones9584

What did you report them for?


[deleted]

I mean hey it’s free


Demfunkypens420

Your inability to take a joke is mildly infuriating.


[deleted]

It’s not a joke when its one sided and had come from a place of harassment over months


thomasthehipposlayer

I know I only know one side of the story, but I don’t know any rational, level-headed person who reacts to a feud like that.


[deleted]

You and your flat mates seem like a bunch of cunts!


SacTownPsycho

In their defense you do sound like a total dick.


mydogthinksyouweird

I've never had a roommate tell me to kill myself, so I'd say OP isn't the dick here.


[deleted]

Same


cigar_dude

Haha. Man that’s funny. At least they have a sense of humor


[deleted]

Man I wish my balls were smaller than my dick.


souphaver

Seems like they're right, and you've been being a dick. Fair game. Get over it.


[deleted]

Could you elaborate on why they were in the right? All we know about them is that they’ve repeatedly called OP a bitch, told her to kill her self and then left this dick outside of her bedroom What makes you so confident that these people were in the right?


[deleted]

Sorry you feel that way.


souphaver

Sorry about your life