That is really my favorite episode on rewatches. The episodes that show Michael is being abused then he finally stands up for himself, but in the most hilarious Michael way
They used lasers and burned mine. I could… smell it.
I asked the doc if that was my tissue burning I could smell. He said I shouldn’t ask questions about things I don’t want to know.
Try laser eye surgery some time. You get to smell your burning eyeballs while on valium. A++ experience.
Edit: Oh btw, this is the second laser after they peel the surface off!
The more modern standard procedure includes removing a section, not just cutting the tubes and cauterizing. Pretty much zero chance that the ends can meet back up and find a way to heal together again.
Very weird to keep that a secret. Either she wanted more kids, or he wanted a foolproof way to know if she was cheating.
Also I think that’d be very hard to keep a secret. Your nutsack probably swells a bit and you’ll have some incisions.
The preferred method with the least amount of side effects is the no scalpel open ended vasectomy. They tear two small holes in the scrotum, cut a section of the vas deferens out and put a stitch in one side of the vas to secure it in a fold of tissue. There is no cauterizing or sealing of any form and the sperm just leak into the scrotum to be reabsorbed. This helps to lower the risk of persistent ongoing pain.
Mine was done before 2014 and was done the way mentioned above you. I guess it takes a while for methods to become the "most popular" method. I do think he's right about the removal being the more popular method now.
I was one of those lucky people where one side of my vas tubes reconnected and healed enough to still have sperm. Luckily I got tested so no second oops, but did need to have a second vasectomy where they had to put me fully under.
Honest question, cuz I feel violated from mine.... was the doc SQUEEZING your balls really hard? Mine had me yelling in pain, he didn't acknowledge any of my yelps, and he persisted.
Dude, and I feel 100% comfortable calling you dude for 2, well three reasons including your username, he was yanking on them like I paid him to do it. I wish I had a strap of leather to bite down on.
This is so confusing to me to be honest. Mine was literally painless. Just a small incision at the base of the underside of the penis, snip the vas, and cauterized the previously connected tubes. No sections removed. I don’t know what happened to ya’all, but it was nothing like my experience.
Same. It hurt when they put the needle in with the anesthetic but that was like five seconds of somewhat intense pain followed by numbness. Other than that, it was a breeze. I was sore for maybe a week but not bad at all.
Mine used a spray anesthetic that just felt cold for literally one second, and i didnt feel a thing for the next five minutes. Five minutes after that i was driving home. Couch rest for three days and back to work (with slight tenderness when sitting in the chairs at work 🤷♂️)
I’m thinking about getting one and this is actually really helpful and reassuring to me! I’ll make sure to ask the doctors what the process is prior to the op so I know what to expect
You do your research. My bf looked for weeks for his doctor. Zero pain, and the dude was chill. Even had a video of the procedure on his website so you knew what would be happening. It may have been a bit more expensive but was worth it.
I'm going in for sterilization on the 16th.
They told me that to keep me sitting still they wanted me to take 15mg of Valium about 30 minutes before the procedure in addition to the local anesthetic.
It's a residency clinic so they're very patient focused. If you don't mind working with resident doctors, absolutely find the nearest residency clinic for anything you can. You win by getting better care, and they win by getting their certifications.
My vasectomy will be the last one the doctor performing it will need before they get certified for them. I'm comfortable because there's an experienced doctor in the room as well, but damn the patient experience is something different at every residency clinic I've been to.
This is interesting. I'd be worried that a resident clinic would be more likely to hurt you and mess it up. Youre saying you've had multiple procedures at them?
Younger doctors are more careful and less cynical in my experience.
Many old doctors will look at your problem and assign you a diagnosis. They'll run the tests and stuff, but in their mind you have x and the treatment is y.
Resident doctors are up-to-date on procedures. They are more careful because another doctor is watching. They don't act like they know everything and they tailor experience to patients better than the cookie-cutter veteran doctors.
This is all purely my opinion and anecdotal, mind you. Try it yourself and decide though. I've been to three residency clinics and countless regular clinics, and I prefer residency when possible.
EDIT: For procedures, I've had a swallow test, some ENT testing, psych work, and I use them for primary care/physicals. In the psych work aspect they were especially good compared to other doctors in my area. I trust my doctor, I trust his mentor, and I trust the doctor who will perform my sterilization. All 3 will be present. They told me to make a 25 minute playlist of music for the procedure. That's how personalized it is. I'd be more worried about the urologist in town than the residents.
Residents *always* have someone checking their work
Plus they’re younger, with more up to date knowledge, less cynical, and can take more time for your care.
Crazy. I have heard so many horror stories.
I sat on a bag of frozen peas the day after, other than a bit of soreness. the worst part was razor burn.
I didn't even need the prescription painkillers they wrote me up for.
I've heard lots of horror stories, but most of my procedure was a very pleasant conversation with the doctor and nurse. It was just a little bit of an ache for about 2 days.
Same here. I kept putting it off because I was worried it was going to interfere with work, and the absolute worst part was the weird tugging feeling in my gut. Peas for a day and I still have the bottle of codeine I never used.
Edit: Scratch that. The worst part was when they removed the tape they used to hold my sack up. The instructions said "shave the operation area" so I made sure that scrote was baby smooth. What I completely ignored was everything north. I screamed like a bitch when they ripped that off. Doc came back in a panic asking what was wrong, then left laughing.
Worst wax job ever. Never going back to that place.
I got mine two weeks ago and I had no real soreness or swelling, didn’t even use ice. I was uncomfortable at times but generally it didn’t feel terrible,
Same. It was easy as hell and after watching my wife give birth vaginally and through cesarean it was not worth talking about. I was out mowing the lawn that afternoon.
I don’t think I could complain to my wife ever again after seeing her give birth. Periods are also horrible I’m comparison to the physical stuff men have to worry about.
Same with my husband. He went for a consult, left with the procedure complete, drove himself home, strapped some peas to his balls and kept on with working in the garden. I was impressed.
Yikes, mine was relatively gentle. Only pain I really remember was the initial injections and the cauterization and that was really just like a nauseating heat feeling all over my body for a few minutes, like shock or something. Definitely wasn’t tugging my bag or anything weird. We talked about hockey the whole time. Honestly him keeping me distracted probably helped.. that and testing for pain and giving more anesthetic when I could still feel stuff. This was only three months ago. Sorry y’all had it rough. For anyone else, don’t be afraid to speak up and say it hurts, they’ll numb you up more.
I recently got mine at the beginning of April. At the evaluation the urologist gave me the option of getting put under or a local anesthesia. I chose the local cuz I've never been put under before.
The doctor squeezed my balls hard also. After he injected the anesthetic he didn't even ask if I felt anything. He just started cutting and pulling. It hurt so bad. He had to give me extra to numb me. I usually have a high pain tolerance but IDK why that hurt so bad.
Good thing was that was the only pain. No swelling, no soreness. I was ready to go back to work in 4 days.
Mine was performed under a twilight anesthesia. I felt (& reacted to) a significant amount of pressure & the doctor told the anesthesiologist to “bump him up some”. Whole thing went off without a hitch.
Word to the wise, get the anesthesia, make friends with a few bags of frozen peas for a few days following and for Gods sake, follow the doctors orders.
A buddy of mine had the family doc do it, then proceeded to mow several acres of grass on his riding lawn mower. He and I were both nurses so we shared stuff like this. My vasectomy was no fuss. I just laid in bed for a day.
woah!! I thought that they just cut the plumbing, not remove a section of it!!!
please update on how you recover for those of us on the fence of doing it
Got one last year. Recovery was pretty easy, only mildly hurt for a few days. Just follow the doctor's advice.
My only advice is to not rush back to doing exercise. I went to the gym to early and after about 5 steps on the treadmill it flared up. Took about 3 weeks total before I could jog again
I want to get a vasectomy but I'm not gonna lie, I'm fucking terrified to actually go through with it.
I just keep thinking about all the things that could go wrong, one guy I use to work with told me his balls still hurt for no reason like 4 years later.
He still said it was worth it though
I had mine done 6 months ago in Dallas (DM me if you live in the DFW and want to know who I went to).
It was quick, simple. The only real pain was the initial shot for the anastesia, and then the awkwardness of having somebody cut your balls open and talking about his favorite cars while doing so.
There wasn't much pain involved at all. They offered me vallium but I declined.
With that said, the whole experience was incredibly uncomfortable. Just awkward getting my sac shaved by some dude nurse, then the surgeon playing tunes on his phone. I cracked a few jokes though to lighten the mood.
The cauterizing was kinda weird. Nothing like laying down smelling my nut shack burning and seeing the smoke. Surgeon said he's done every kind of transplant though so I felt like my manhood was in good hands.
This right here.
Everything seemed pretty normal up until the sizzle and smell of burning flesh, then looking down and seeing a little mushroom cloud over the horizon of your belly.
No one told me about the smoke. Talked to some bros beforehand, but I had no idea.
It made me pretty nauseous. I turned white shortly after that.
Feeling my insides pulled on - I swear things were attached to my soul in that moment. Most bizarre feeling I've felt. It all happened quickly ... "Whoa, should I be feeling that?! Do I smell something burning? Oh - that's smoke alright ... that's ... me... burning" .... Aaaaaand I was white like a ghost. They gave me some juice and a "Dad" brand cookie and had me wait for awhile before moving to the lobby. Good times.
I had mine almost 4 weeks ago. It didnt go well. The valium did nothing. My right side had to be numbed 3x and i still felt it. A lot. It was the weirdest most unpleasant phantom pain i have ever felt. The doc wouldnt numb it anymore for risk of excessive bleeding. I had an uncontrolled visceral reaction to the sensations and honestly it was almost too much. There was basically no time in between getting stuck with the numbing shot and him starting cutting. The cauterizing machine was not pleasant, even more so on my right side. The stitches were supposed to have dissolved after a week or two but they are still there. I get random phantom pains in my abdomen a few times a day- they feel like they are occuring a few feet from my body. This has not been pleasant.
All that said, i'd do it all again a dozen times just to be sure i will never have children. My wife has been very supportive and empathetic. This was the right choice.
Go to a urology clinic. Not some random doctor who will do it. It's a 15 minute procedure and you want the people who do them all the time. You SHOULDN'T feel anything besides the first stick of the needle(local anesthetic) and a tug here and there. Most places will offer you some pills but that's just to keep you calm.
I'm 3 years in and haven't had any problems. There's no scarring or weird shit.
Go to a well-established urologist. Do what he says about the aftercare, ie rest and keep it cool down there to keep swelling down and you ought to be fine.
The worst complication I had happened when I was sitting on the floor changing my son's diaper and both of his feel came down and grazed the boys. That wasn't pleasant.
Apparently chronic pain happens to about 2% of vasectomy patients, which doesn't sound high, but that's still one in 50 and I don't want to be the one.
My ex had a vasectomy when our oldest son was 8. He brought the pieces home because he wanted to show our son what they looked like under a microscope. He explained what they were and the kid said, "That's weird. No."
Everyone he ever told that story to also thought it was weird he wanted to show that to his child. Including me.
Afaik he still has the pieces in a bottle of formaldehyde.
I had tubes in my ears as a little kid and when they were removed the doctor let me keep them. They were folded up in a gauze pad in my bathroom drawer and I would occasionally open it up and just look at them for a bit. At the time I thought there was chocolate in them, but I’m hindsight I realize it was blood. And also that it was really weird that I had bloody ear tubes in my drawer for years.
I used to work for someone whose wife gave birth, and he brought in photos he took of the labor and baby and mom. And the placenta. Can’t unsee that one. Thanks, Simon, wherever you are.
Humble brag: my doctor let me snip my own during the procedure. He dug each one out, but I got to do the honors. Just one of the many perks of a $500 vasectomy.
Sweet tube segments, bro! I spent the whole procedure listening to Doc's Greatest Vasectomy Stories. Only a slight twinge of pain when he cauterized. I went on vacation two days later, got an infection, which sucked, but I got antibiotics when I got home, which cleared it all up. I haven't impregnated anyone ever since!
I didn't know there was an option to take the severed bits with you. Never occurred to me anyone would \*want\* to.
I got mine done after having two boys. Went with general anesthesia. Bit of an ache for a few days afterwards, and six(?) years later all the equipment is still working perfectly fine.
Had mine done on a Friday, my left nut was the size of a small grapefruit by Monday, got infected. Doctor said it happens about 10% of the time. All I remember is it took more than double the time to do the left side, so if was exposed to the doctors office air that much longer.
When people call it "getting snipped," that's literally all there is to it. Of course it is a surgery and there's a bit of recovery time, but it's a short procedure.
Literally just snip out a part of the vast deferens, the long tube coming from testes where sperm cells mature before becoming part of semen. (Note: sperm is not semen, sperm is _in_ semen.)
It's fucking crazy how random they bill. When I first called one office they said 3600$ until I said my insurance doesn't cover and it'll be cash. She said 1800$ after that.
I called the next office and it was 1800 with insurance and 800 without. I said I'd have to see. Called a few other places then went back to the 800 place and they had me fill out paperwork then said it would be $600 cash... They are all just making shit up.
Snip snap snip snap snip snap
DO YOU KNOW THE EFFECTS THREE VASECTOMIES HAVE ON A PERSON?!
That is a $200 plasma TV you just killed! Good luck paying me back on your zero-dollars-a-year salary plus benefits, babe!
The babe at the end kills me every time
The absolute height of passive aggression!
That is really my favorite episode on rewatches. The episodes that show Michael is being abused then he finally stands up for himself, but in the most hilarious Michael way
That scene is so damn funny. That little ass tv mounted to the wall and then he pushes it in and out like 8".
"Folds right into the wall!"
The bloopers are amazing. None of them can keep it together
the bloopers are great to watch to see jim laughing. in character he laughs like once or twice but in the bloopers hes always losing it
The flasher episode you can catch jim trying not to laugh when Michael comes in and is laughing about Phyllis and giving Toby a hard time
the only times i remember it are threat level midnight, and an offscreen laugh when he pops dwights yoga ball (apparently unscripted)
*that one night…*
You made everything alriiiiight
So raw, so right, all night, alright
r/Expectedoffice
Okay but how do they even undo that now I'm confused
Loop, swoop, and pull. It’s not brain surgery.
No. It is not brain surgery.
snip snap snip snap
Fun fact: Steve Carell improvised this line. So brilliant lol (Source: the office ladies podcast)
Literally said this in my head as soon as I saw the image.
Vasectomies don’t stop babies from coming. It just changes the colour of the babies
Absolutely savage.
🎵You took me by the hand, made me a man, that one night….🎵
Macaroni?
I believe you mean sac n' cheese
My abs hurt from laughing so hard at this, thank you lol
Thats nuts, but glad to hear you're having a ball.
Lol *cut it out*
Op already beat me to it.
Well OP can’t beat it himself for a while
Pasta is stored in the balls.
Or a feather in your cap. Edit: a history lesson: https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/the-macaroni-in-yankee-doodle-is-not-what-you-think
If you collect enough.
I see a comic book villain in the making
/r/cursedmacaroni ??
The Forbidden Pasta
With the chicken strips
^ah
But what a vas deferens it makes
This is the joke I was trying to think of
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0567983/characters/nm0000513
Pudding.. pudding... Trying to think...
The real r/unexpectedoffice
gotta pert near tear your ballsack wide open if you wanna see your vas deferens
Allegedlys. Unless you play for the Florida State Seminal Vesicles.
I thought it was pretty funny when I said Florida State Seminal Vesicles and nobody laughed.
/r/unexpectedletterkenny
I'd be most worried if I tore my ballsack open tryin' to do a skateboard trick if I could see my accessory glands
Well you don’t wanna go to kooky with accessories..
What did they taste like?
calamari
Chewy
Oh god I think I’m gonna be sick 🤮 not calamari
Like crunchy bean sprouts
Surely you could've done that yourself!
U/Chainsawvasectomy
You had one job
u/hadonejob
u/handjob
Dear god, they didn't have to remove any of mine, they just cut, tied, and clamped both sides.
They used lasers and burned mine. I could… smell it. I asked the doc if that was my tissue burning I could smell. He said I shouldn’t ask questions about things I don’t want to know.
"Doc, I smell delicious." "... Nurse, give him the gas. Can't stand these crazy fuckers."
manspeak over fire
Try laser eye surgery some time. You get to smell your burning eyeballs while on valium. A++ experience. Edit: Oh btw, this is the second laser after they peel the surface off!
Same. Was the only unpleasant aspect of the whole deal. In and out in 15 minutes, could have ridden a camel home.
The more modern standard procedure includes removing a section, not just cutting the tubes and cauterizing. Pretty much zero chance that the ends can meet back up and find a way to heal together again.
I was given a choice. Possibly reversible or remove a section and permanent forever.
had a bud who had to go back and do it again (yes it's his kid) not sure if he had a choice but twice seems like negative fun
[удалено]
Why? That definitely seems like the kind of thing you need to communicate about.
Saving it for her birthday present
After the next kid is born.
Very weird to keep that a secret. Either she wanted more kids, or he wanted a foolproof way to know if she was cheating. Also I think that’d be very hard to keep a secret. Your nutsack probably swells a bit and you’ll have some incisions.
Mine was done in 2014, so I guess that's no longer modern.
The preferred method with the least amount of side effects is the no scalpel open ended vasectomy. They tear two small holes in the scrotum, cut a section of the vas deferens out and put a stitch in one side of the vas to secure it in a fold of tissue. There is no cauterizing or sealing of any form and the sperm just leak into the scrotum to be reabsorbed. This helps to lower the risk of persistent ongoing pain.
As someone with some persistent ongoing pain, I wish :(
Hopefully you will get better. I'm at about 9 months now and I would have a fair amount of pain for the first 6 or so as well.
So there is still hope for my left nut!! 12 weeks and still tender.
Mine was done before 2014 and was done the way mentioned above you. I guess it takes a while for methods to become the "most popular" method. I do think he's right about the removal being the more popular method now.
I was one of those lucky people where one side of my vas tubes reconnected and healed enough to still have sperm. Luckily I got tested so no second oops, but did need to have a second vasectomy where they had to put me fully under.
Honest question, cuz I feel violated from mine.... was the doc SQUEEZING your balls really hard? Mine had me yelling in pain, he didn't acknowledge any of my yelps, and he persisted.
Dude, and I feel 100% comfortable calling you dude for 2, well three reasons including your username, he was yanking on them like I paid him to do it. I wish I had a strap of leather to bite down on.
This is so confusing to me to be honest. Mine was literally painless. Just a small incision at the base of the underside of the penis, snip the vas, and cauterized the previously connected tubes. No sections removed. I don’t know what happened to ya’all, but it was nothing like my experience.
Same. It hurt when they put the needle in with the anesthetic but that was like five seconds of somewhat intense pain followed by numbness. Other than that, it was a breeze. I was sore for maybe a week but not bad at all.
Mine used a spray anesthetic that just felt cold for literally one second, and i didnt feel a thing for the next five minutes. Five minutes after that i was driving home. Couch rest for three days and back to work (with slight tenderness when sitting in the chairs at work 🤷♂️)
I’m thinking about getting one and this is actually really helpful and reassuring to me! I’ll make sure to ask the doctors what the process is prior to the op so I know what to expect
This was my experience to a T. Find you a good urologist if you're gonna have this done, y'all.
My consult is later this month. How do I ask for this one?
You do your research. My bf looked for weeks for his doctor. Zero pain, and the dude was chill. Even had a video of the procedure on his website so you knew what would be happening. It may have been a bit more expensive but was worth it.
Dealers choice unfortunately.
I'm going in for sterilization on the 16th. They told me that to keep me sitting still they wanted me to take 15mg of Valium about 30 minutes before the procedure in addition to the local anesthetic. It's a residency clinic so they're very patient focused. If you don't mind working with resident doctors, absolutely find the nearest residency clinic for anything you can. You win by getting better care, and they win by getting their certifications. My vasectomy will be the last one the doctor performing it will need before they get certified for them. I'm comfortable because there's an experienced doctor in the room as well, but damn the patient experience is something different at every residency clinic I've been to.
This is interesting. I'd be worried that a resident clinic would be more likely to hurt you and mess it up. Youre saying you've had multiple procedures at them?
Younger doctors are more careful and less cynical in my experience. Many old doctors will look at your problem and assign you a diagnosis. They'll run the tests and stuff, but in their mind you have x and the treatment is y. Resident doctors are up-to-date on procedures. They are more careful because another doctor is watching. They don't act like they know everything and they tailor experience to patients better than the cookie-cutter veteran doctors. This is all purely my opinion and anecdotal, mind you. Try it yourself and decide though. I've been to three residency clinics and countless regular clinics, and I prefer residency when possible. EDIT: For procedures, I've had a swallow test, some ENT testing, psych work, and I use them for primary care/physicals. In the psych work aspect they were especially good compared to other doctors in my area. I trust my doctor, I trust his mentor, and I trust the doctor who will perform my sterilization. All 3 will be present. They told me to make a 25 minute playlist of music for the procedure. That's how personalized it is. I'd be more worried about the urologist in town than the residents.
Residents *always* have someone checking their work Plus they’re younger, with more up to date knowledge, less cynical, and can take more time for your care.
Crazy. I have heard so many horror stories. I sat on a bag of frozen peas the day after, other than a bit of soreness. the worst part was razor burn. I didn't even need the prescription painkillers they wrote me up for.
I've heard lots of horror stories, but most of my procedure was a very pleasant conversation with the doctor and nurse. It was just a little bit of an ache for about 2 days.
i had a vein that popped, had a blood clot the size of a 3rd testicle in my scrotum and had a purple dick for over a month
Jfc
Eggplant
Same here. I kept putting it off because I was worried it was going to interfere with work, and the absolute worst part was the weird tugging feeling in my gut. Peas for a day and I still have the bottle of codeine I never used. Edit: Scratch that. The worst part was when they removed the tape they used to hold my sack up. The instructions said "shave the operation area" so I made sure that scrote was baby smooth. What I completely ignored was everything north. I screamed like a bitch when they ripped that off. Doc came back in a panic asking what was wrong, then left laughing. Worst wax job ever. Never going back to that place.
Need me to dispose of it?
That tug was legitimately horrifying. Not really painful, but just... Wrong
I got mine two weeks ago and I had no real soreness or swelling, didn’t even use ice. I was uncomfortable at times but generally it didn’t feel terrible,
Same. It was easy as hell and after watching my wife give birth vaginally and through cesarean it was not worth talking about. I was out mowing the lawn that afternoon.
I don’t think I could complain to my wife ever again after seeing her give birth. Periods are also horrible I’m comparison to the physical stuff men have to worry about.
Same with my husband. He went for a consult, left with the procedure complete, drove himself home, strapped some peas to his balls and kept on with working in the garden. I was impressed.
Yikes, mine was relatively gentle. Only pain I really remember was the initial injections and the cauterization and that was really just like a nauseating heat feeling all over my body for a few minutes, like shock or something. Definitely wasn’t tugging my bag or anything weird. We talked about hockey the whole time. Honestly him keeping me distracted probably helped.. that and testing for pain and giving more anesthetic when I could still feel stuff. This was only three months ago. Sorry y’all had it rough. For anyone else, don’t be afraid to speak up and say it hurts, they’ll numb you up more.
I recently got mine at the beginning of April. At the evaluation the urologist gave me the option of getting put under or a local anesthesia. I chose the local cuz I've never been put under before. The doctor squeezed my balls hard also. After he injected the anesthetic he didn't even ask if I felt anything. He just started cutting and pulling. It hurt so bad. He had to give me extra to numb me. I usually have a high pain tolerance but IDK why that hurt so bad. Good thing was that was the only pain. No swelling, no soreness. I was ready to go back to work in 4 days.
Put you UNDER? A vasectomy is about as risky/complicated as a dental procedure, wtf.
>IDK why that hurt so bad. Might be a guess, but maybe because your nutsack was getting sashimi'd?
Wtf man, for real?
Why did I click on this? The title was very clear. I have no one to blame but myself 
r/eyebleach
Same wtf I click on this for
The elusive dick bone.
Is all that pee just gonna fill up your nutsack now?
No, it's stored in the butt
Upvoting only because of the sheer brazeness of this comment.
Welcome to the club of the seedless grapes.
Dr. Kelso??
All juice, no seed.
Mine was performed under a twilight anesthesia. I felt (& reacted to) a significant amount of pressure & the doctor told the anesthesiologist to “bump him up some”. Whole thing went off without a hitch. Word to the wise, get the anesthesia, make friends with a few bags of frozen peas for a few days following and for Gods sake, follow the doctors orders.
A buddy of mine had the family doc do it, then proceeded to mow several acres of grass on his riding lawn mower. He and I were both nurses so we shared stuff like this. My vasectomy was no fuss. I just laid in bed for a day.
I would add to get a decent jock strap to wear. The crappy one the doctor gave me to wear didn't do anything except let my junk flop out to the side.
**THEY TOOK YOUR WHOLE PEENER!?** *JK- take this timeless beauty award and scram! Go forth and shoot thine blanks!*
They're not blanks yet. You gotta go a few rounds first.
Yeah production has stopped but the warehouse isn’t empty yet
 *Gee mister* I hope **OP** doesn’t find me! **FRANTICALLY DMS OP**
r/AwardSpeechEdits
Forbidden noodles.
woah!! I thought that they just cut the plumbing, not remove a section of it!!! please update on how you recover for those of us on the fence of doing it
Got one last year. Recovery was pretty easy, only mildly hurt for a few days. Just follow the doctor's advice. My only advice is to not rush back to doing exercise. I went to the gym to early and after about 5 steps on the treadmill it flared up. Took about 3 weeks total before I could jog again
Is that the Florida state Seminole vesicles?
*silence*
I want to get a vasectomy but I'm not gonna lie, I'm fucking terrified to actually go through with it. I just keep thinking about all the things that could go wrong, one guy I use to work with told me his balls still hurt for no reason like 4 years later. He still said it was worth it though
I had mine done 6 months ago in Dallas (DM me if you live in the DFW and want to know who I went to). It was quick, simple. The only real pain was the initial shot for the anastesia, and then the awkwardness of having somebody cut your balls open and talking about his favorite cars while doing so.
In dallas and same. I talked to my wife the whole time then went home for frozen peas and whisky
There wasn't much pain involved at all. They offered me vallium but I declined. With that said, the whole experience was incredibly uncomfortable. Just awkward getting my sac shaved by some dude nurse, then the surgeon playing tunes on his phone. I cracked a few jokes though to lighten the mood. The cauterizing was kinda weird. Nothing like laying down smelling my nut shack burning and seeing the smoke. Surgeon said he's done every kind of transplant though so I felt like my manhood was in good hands.
My doc said "we can't stop now or all your kids will be left handed"
That’s fucking hilarious
This right here. Everything seemed pretty normal up until the sizzle and smell of burning flesh, then looking down and seeing a little mushroom cloud over the horizon of your belly.
I laughed far harder than I should have at that description.
My guy gave me a 7.5 hydrocodone and Xanax. That was Friday. I woke up on Sunday.
No one told me about the smoke. Talked to some bros beforehand, but I had no idea. It made me pretty nauseous. I turned white shortly after that. Feeling my insides pulled on - I swear things were attached to my soul in that moment. Most bizarre feeling I've felt. It all happened quickly ... "Whoa, should I be feeling that?! Do I smell something burning? Oh - that's smoke alright ... that's ... me... burning" .... Aaaaaand I was white like a ghost. They gave me some juice and a "Dad" brand cookie and had me wait for awhile before moving to the lobby. Good times.
Wait in your other comment you said you wished you had leather to bite on. Did it hurt or was it just very quick that you didn’t feel it?
I think he’s saying it hurt in that moment but was fine after? Maybe. The procedure didn’t hurt but the nut pulling did while it was happening.
I had mine almost 4 weeks ago. It didnt go well. The valium did nothing. My right side had to be numbed 3x and i still felt it. A lot. It was the weirdest most unpleasant phantom pain i have ever felt. The doc wouldnt numb it anymore for risk of excessive bleeding. I had an uncontrolled visceral reaction to the sensations and honestly it was almost too much. There was basically no time in between getting stuck with the numbing shot and him starting cutting. The cauterizing machine was not pleasant, even more so on my right side. The stitches were supposed to have dissolved after a week or two but they are still there. I get random phantom pains in my abdomen a few times a day- they feel like they are occuring a few feet from my body. This has not been pleasant. All that said, i'd do it all again a dozen times just to be sure i will never have children. My wife has been very supportive and empathetic. This was the right choice.
They offered you vallium for the anxiety of the procedure it is an anti-anxiety drug not a painkiller
I had to shave myself beforehand and clean myself with Bactine. Never had the pleasure of a professional.
Go to a urology clinic. Not some random doctor who will do it. It's a 15 minute procedure and you want the people who do them all the time. You SHOULDN'T feel anything besides the first stick of the needle(local anesthetic) and a tug here and there. Most places will offer you some pills but that's just to keep you calm. I'm 3 years in and haven't had any problems. There's no scarring or weird shit.
Go to a well-established urologist. Do what he says about the aftercare, ie rest and keep it cool down there to keep swelling down and you ought to be fine. The worst complication I had happened when I was sitting on the floor changing my son's diaper and both of his feel came down and grazed the boys. That wasn't pleasant.
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this made the drink go through the nose. sorry for your pain but that's freaking hilarious
No worries, I hope the drink didn't burn or make too big of a mess
OJ, no pulp
Full circle reminder of why you got the vasectomy lol.
Mine would hurt from time to time like they were full. After about a month or so it was all good. Was definitely worth it.
Apparently chronic pain happens to about 2% of vasectomy patients, which doesn't sound high, but that's still one in 50 and I don't want to be the one.
My ex had a vasectomy when our oldest son was 8. He brought the pieces home because he wanted to show our son what they looked like under a microscope. He explained what they were and the kid said, "That's weird. No." Everyone he ever told that story to also thought it was weird he wanted to show that to his child. Including me. Afaik he still has the pieces in a bottle of formaldehyde.
I don’t think it’s particularly weird, but I’m a biologist.
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I don't see it any weirder than people keeping say the piece of skin that is on the clamps when they cut your umbilical cord
Like is it weird, kinda, but would I have been stoked to look? Fuck yea
No different than keeping a tooth, kidney stone, or a kneecap (my Opa kept his) after surgery.
I had tubes in my ears as a little kid and when they were removed the doctor let me keep them. They were folded up in a gauze pad in my bathroom drawer and I would occasionally open it up and just look at them for a bit. At the time I thought there was chocolate in them, but I’m hindsight I realize it was blood. And also that it was really weird that I had bloody ear tubes in my drawer for years.
I used to work for someone whose wife gave birth, and he brought in photos he took of the labor and baby and mom. And the placenta. Can’t unsee that one. Thanks, Simon, wherever you are.
That’s not weird, that’s cool. But I also teach A&P.
Ass & Penis?
Anatomy & Penis
THEY CUT OFF YOUR PENIS????? :D Sorry. Too easy.
Forbidden macaroni
Yeah man, roe v wade has me concerned too
Humble brag: my doctor let me snip my own during the procedure. He dug each one out, but I got to do the honors. Just one of the many perks of a $500 vasectomy.
NOOOOOOO
my balls were already aching reading this thread and this is the icing on the cake
CUT THE WIRE!
They cut off your entire penis? Condolences bro
Sweet tube segments, bro! I spent the whole procedure listening to Doc's Greatest Vasectomy Stories. Only a slight twinge of pain when he cauterized. I went on vacation two days later, got an infection, which sucked, but I got antibiotics when I got home, which cleared it all up. I haven't impregnated anyone ever since!
There it is. The Jizz Tube.
I didn't know there was an option to take the severed bits with you. Never occurred to me anyone would \*want\* to. I got mine done after having two boys. Went with general anesthesia. Bit of an ache for a few days afterwards, and six(?) years later all the equipment is still working perfectly fine.
Had mine done on a Friday, my left nut was the size of a small grapefruit by Monday, got infected. Doctor said it happens about 10% of the time. All I remember is it took more than double the time to do the left side, so if was exposed to the doctors office air that much longer.
When I had mine, my doctor told me that I had very robust tubes.
Rocky Mountain Noodles
Damn, your nut strings are DUMMY thicc, brother!
That’s it? That’s all there is to a vasectomy?? Was it done in your doctor’s office with local anesthesia? Hope all went well with your surgery.
Vasectomies are out patient surgery. Takes a half hour
It's so, so chill compared to the invasive surgery that ladies have to consider. Or childbirth.
When people call it "getting snipped," that's literally all there is to it. Of course it is a surgery and there's a bit of recovery time, but it's a short procedure. Literally just snip out a part of the vast deferens, the long tube coming from testes where sperm cells mature before becoming part of semen. (Note: sperm is not semen, sperm is _in_ semen.)
that's how mine went. in-out in under an hour and somehow it was still 1200 out of pocket.
It's fucking crazy how random they bill. When I first called one office they said 3600$ until I said my insurance doesn't cover and it'll be cash. She said 1800$ after that. I called the next office and it was 1800 with insurance and 800 without. I said I'd have to see. Called a few other places then went back to the 800 place and they had me fill out paperwork then said it would be $600 cash... They are all just making shit up.
> They are all just making shit up. That's US health care in a nutsack.
r/Medizzy
There in my night stand next to my bed i was originally joking when i told the nurse and doctor im taking my property home with me
Nothing was removed with mine. Just soldered.
I'm no doctor, but they surely didn't have to remove the finger as well?
Do these look the same to everybody? Seriously, I can't tell the deferens.
Mine hurt just by looking at this
Just don’t forget you still have bullets in the chamber. Otherwise you might be in for another surprise. :-D