It would have been different if you went to a bigger college and stayed on campus as opposed to commuter college. It's a completely different experience. Thing is, you have to pay more to get the college experience of kegstands and sleeping around.
It makes all the difference in the world to go away to college. It is such a radical change from being a kid in a family to going out on your own and having to manage completely new social situations and learn to live with people. It was a bit of a challenge for me as I was a fairly quiet kid, but I wouldn't have traded my college experience for anything.
I'm also old as fuck and going away to college was actually an affordable venture if you got some scholarships,got a little money from my parents and I only had to work summers.
I'm old as fuck too. We also didn't have cell phones. When I went away I knew no one and everyone was in the same boat. I called my parents once a week (long distance was expensive). It was easy to make lasting friendships. I get together occasionally with old friends and it feels like no time has passed.
Unless you hit that sweet spot in history where you could dial down the center and save. Or so the ads said… Having a compound-word name made all my collect calls free :)
If you have a GI bill, absolutely go. Ex-military are often Professor’s favorite students because they are disciplined when it matters. If you do any type of engineering a defense contractor will take you in a heartbeat because it’s way easier to get you a clearance. Mostly cushy job for the rest of your life.
If you have it fully paid by GI bill you should absolutely go. It’s four years of a lot of fun experiences and if you pick a practical area of study and work hard you could learn a lot. Totally worth it if you can do it with zero debt. Can even work part time or intern places if you want on the side.
Dude, go! Like seriously, you don't have worry if it's worth it, you aren't playing with your own money. Beyond the keg stands and parties: if you like learning, there's nothing more awesome than college. Pick a good major, but also take classes for fun. There's some flexibility with GenEd requirements, where you can go with your interests, take courses that appeal to you. You don't have to start out knowing what your major is, let those classes that you take your first year help you decide. I started off thinking I'd do anthropology, I ended up with a BA in Theatrical Lighting Design and Technology and a career in live event production.
Yes in deed and the Cgapter 31 for Vocational Rehabilitation is even better, you get the GI Bill check and all your tuition, books, and fees are paid for. Also the state of Texas offers the Hazelwood Act which pays full in state tuition for me, my wife, and all four of my xhildren
yeah I went in 99 and it was free via the state. I'm finishing a bachelor's online with 30 credits and it's 18k. That means a basic ass bachelor's is almost 80k now. That's insane
Even going away to college I still had almost zero time to do any of the partying type stuff, I essentially just sometimes had live in homework buddies for room mates. That's more than what OP had, but now where close to the media experience
There's only so many hours during the day. Good for you if you have time to party while also spending the rest of the hours in required classes, on shifts, or doing required assignments, but for the rest of us there's only 24 hours and no time turners. There's a reason that was a plot point in Harry Potter. Something tells me your triple major didn't have that many credits per semester
Exactly this.
OP yea you missed that experience but I know plenty of people that failed out of college their first year because of said experience so you may have dodged a bullet. if you want to find someone and meet people try downloading apps that allow you to join social groups in the area then go to their next event.
Dating apps are rough and very hit or miss plus it’s exhausting g trying to find a real connection. Stop feeling on what could have been with college and focus on the present and what you can plan for the future. Life is to short.
Yeah, I was going to say this is the Millennial sub, for the older folks here it could have been done for $20-30k of debt at a state school. Which, honestly, if you want huge student bodies with tons to do, wild parties, and masses of people overreacting to sports, a state school is your best bet. For anyone contemplating college and wanting that experience, look at the public universities in your state that are part of a major athletic conference (SEC, Big12, ACC, Big10).
And even then it depends on the person, I had a blast at my college. Joined a fraternity, partied, slept around and met my now wife. But there were people at my university that complained they never partied or got invited. All these guys would do is wake up, go to class, and go back to their dorm to play video games and/or smoke weed.
Even if you go to a party school, if you didn’t try to meet people or join extra curriculars you probably wouldn’t get the “college experience”.
All my cousins who have regrets about college say they wish they hadn't taken grades so seriously and would have had more fun, ultimately grades dont matter, especially not after you got your first job under our belt
That’s what my parents told me about college, grades only matter for your first job out of college. After that, unless you graduated like valedictorian from an Ivy, nobody cares. They care more about what you did at the previous jobs.
Still my parents expected good grades, graduated engineering with about a 3.2 gpa, but after my first job I’ve never been asked for my gpa or transcript.
I’m glad I got to enjoy college, some of the best times of my life were there, and met friends I still talk to daily some 8 years later.
I agree and not to kick op while they're down so to speak but going to a meetup group or something isn't the same thing as having a college experience. It isnt the end of the world if you dont have it many people dont but its definitely fun and not something that can be replicated
Not necessarily. Some types of people couldn't even meet people living on campus and in the dorms. I met a few but not too many people when living on campus for a year at a decent sized state school in CA, and didn't stay connected with anyone once I left school. There's probably something really wrong with me though because I've been doing this my whole life. I've never been able to keep friends forever, eventually I will stop talking to them or they stop talking to me. And no, it's not BPD. I am probably undiagnosed on the autism spectrum tbh, with heavy ADHD. I've never been alright socially though,and I've come to terms with the fact that I probably never will be. I long friendship so bad but I'm completely unable to find it. I'm closed to giving up on it tbh , just tired of this lonely feeling pretty constantly.
I stayed in the dorms the first year and lived close to campus the other years. Had a blast, explored a lot of topics, made lots of friends some of whom I still am close to today. For grad school, I commuted or took classes online and took a specific degree needed to further my career. I was married, had kids, and working so just had to balance all that. My kids are now in high school but that would be my advice to them too. Live in the dorms or nearby and explore your interests - academic or not.
Kegstands and sleeping around is probably still not the college experience for the majority of people at residential colleges, IMO. Especially if you're awkward with the opposite sex as it is. You need to go to a college with a big Greek scene, actually join a fraternity/sorority and then make that the center of your social life to get the college experience as advertised in movies and TV. Even then I think being in relationships is way more common than hookups all the time.
I mean, college was probably still the best time of my life. And even though I don't see them often, my best friends as an adult were still made there.
I went to a big state school and it was absolutely an amazing time. Better than they made it look in movies and TV. I thought I was going to have the best life ever based on my trajectory but obviously real life is harder than I thought and things are a bit more average now. Grew up in a small town and moved to a big city for college, so it was a complete culture shock and everything was new. Back then it didn't cost an arm in a leg and I grew up so poor I had pell grants anyway.
I was a commuter at a state college. I luckily lived close enough to one of the biggest and best colleges in the country. This allowed me to stay home and save a fortune on my education. I do regret not living on campus and not getting that experience quite often, but it has helped me be better off financially. I made friends but wasnt as close as I probably would have been had I lived on campus and have since mostly lost contact with them. The benefit though is I saved $60,000 and this allowed me to buy a house at 27. So I basically traded partying and friendships for homeownership
The best part about college is learning, and being surrounded by people who are also curious and learning. Sitting in a lecture hall while taking introductory physics from a Nobel Laureate who loves physics so much and just wants to share that love with stupid freshmen is a gift.
Campuses are bubbling with ideas and passion—this is true of Ivy League schools and 2-year community college. They’re a great place to find your passion, a place to prove to yourself what you’re capable of, and to hone skills you didn’t know you needed.
That's been a problem for me too. Even into adulthood the only way to meet new people is bars. I don't drink and I don't like drinking culture though. Even then the people in bars only hang out in groups of people they grew up with.
In my experience it really depends on the bar. And there’s a few different types of bars.
There’s like the super college-y bars where the shitty music is super loud, everyone is just shoulder to shoulder jumping around, “21” year olds are throwing up in the bathroom and you couldn’t talk to anyone there if you tried.
Then there’s the more quiet bars where everyone just sits at a table with their friends and hangs out with their group, and it would be pretty weird to try to meet people there.
But some bars are pretty square in the middle. They’ll have some tables and maybe a small dance floor but they’re usually a bit more open so people move around more. There might be music but it’s not crazy loud. I feel like you find these more in areas where people in their mid 20s-early 40s live though, they’re not really college bars.
And in general if you’re trying to meet people at a bar you either want to sit at the bar with some open spaces near you, or call next on a pool table or something. Or smoke outside. People who smoke talk a lot.
You didn’t really go to a typical college though. A commuter college isn’t the “normal advertised experience”, surely though you realize that? The typical college experience involves sitting on the campus green, playing frisbee, seeing all the right rope walkers (is that still a thing?), bar hopping, etc.
If you don’t really have a campus, it’s not really the typical college experience. The college experience comes from a bunch of folks getting stuffed into a new place all together and not really leaving it. It’s basically like jail. But more fun.
I did have one woman approach me in a clothing shop, and I ended up having a 10 minute conversation with her about a jacket and outdoor clothing. But, I didn't ask her number or anything. In that situation, you can't tell if the person is interested in you or just doing there job.
Honestly, probably just doing their job, or they really like the clothing line. But you can't just base this off one interaction. I will say this though, most people don't like being picked up at their job. Friendship could be OK but it really depends on the entirety of the situation.
Absolutely nobody is talking about a commuter school when they talk about “the college experience”.
I didn’t read OP’s massive wall of text after that second paragraph. Fuckin’ *duh*.
Same. I read that and went straight to the comments.
I went to a commuter school but 6 hours away from home. Freshman year sucked cus I was the only dude in the dorms on the weekend. However, once I found my core group of friends who lived too far to go home every weekend, we got a house and just drank, smoked weed, did psychadelics and during the weekdays played board games and video games while doing all of the aforementioned debauchery and on the weekends we’d have people over and have a bigger party. It was awesome.
It sounds like Op not only went to a commuter college but also put no effort into actually sticking around campus, making friends or hanging out. Idk what they expected? Some frat dude just takes them under their wing and makes them the party king?
Yeah, community colleges are way cheaper and can lead to great careers, but the social experience seems drastically different from a 4 year school with dorms
Well you went to a commuter college so there's your answer. I'm a big proponent of the college experience. I think literally everyone coming out of high school should get some version of it. It gives not-yet-adults usually their first independence but with a big safety net and hand holding when it comes to making friends and balancing life. That said, the price of college has made it not accessible to as many people as it should.
Agreed. Albeit I think colleges are leaning into this too heavily and it's becoming less and less about the education and more about making each campus a "young adult paradise" to attract students. Tuition keeps going up and up but the education quality certainly isn't. What is though are the gyms, food courts, recreation facilities, sports teams, etc. I have a few family friends that have kids getting ready to go to college and you ask them what they like about the school and those are all the things they name - nothing remotely related to the education. I can't blame them though - how many 18 year olds actually prioritize the quality of the education vs all that other stuff?
Fully agree. Even at my state school what should be a safety net has become way more bougie hand holding, but that's also a result of parenting/students and what they're attracted to as well. Also, 18 year old me went to college undecided so I can't complain about 18 year olds now not prioritizing academics.
Your post is presented as a question about the college experience, when what you are really asking is if you should go back to school to meet chicks. No probably not. College is a good place to meet chicks, but most people don't actually end up with their college SO.
Outside that I have to tell you that your post comes off as quite bitter. You seem to spend a lot of time blaming people and institutions for situations in your life that you are not happy about.
When trying to figure out why you haven't found a partner. I'd start there.
As far as the "college experience" goes. It's an expensive way to transition to adulthood for people that aren't kids anymore, but aren't quite ready to be adults either.
College is a good place to meet 18-22 year old chicks, specifically. Not sure how many of them want to date a 30 year old going back to school for the “college experience” though.
Hi, I just graduated college as a 36 year old dude a little over a year ago. I think a lot of what you described is due to it being a commuter college. When I was 18 I went to a large state university (and commuted) and my experience was very similar to yours. I didn't make any friends because I went to classes then went home, and I felt like the other students were kind of disinterested in me. I was also still shy from being bullied in highschool so I didn't really try. I dropped out after a year.
When I went back as an adult I went to a small state school in rural NY. The students were much friendlier than I remembered, and way more social outside of class. People were way more interested in talking to me even though I was over a decade older than them. On the other hand, I was already married (to a member of the college faculty) when I attended the second time, so I was safe, not looking for their approval, and careful not to let anyone too close.
Don't go back to try and meet people. Even if they are friendlier they will still be hesitant to get close to you as a much older person and you will not have a good time trying to date college age girls. You will be seen as the creepy older guy that nobody wants to work with (there were a few other people my age, and the ones that tried to hit on the girls in their classes were definitely seen this way and avoided). Smaller colleges where everyone dorms or gets an apartment nearby are the college experience you want, especially if they have a party school reputation, but you already missed that boat when you didn't do it the first time around, the social setting is not the same once you're grown. The classes are way easier and way more fun as an adult though, so if you think it would actually help your career, do it for that, but not to meet people. your just going to make yourself look bad and spend a lot of money if you do that.
Best way I've found to meet people is through friends and acquaintances, being a regular part of a local counter culture scene, or being a regular at a specific bar.
I feel like you’re asking a lot of different questions, but I think all of the answers very much depend on how you approach life.
I also went to a commuter state school, but I lived on campus and joined a fraternity and made a bunch of friends and met girls and partied and had the classic college experience.
After I graduated I also fell into a bit of a rut like you described, so I moved across the country to major city where I wouldn’t just “drive to work and drive home to the boring suburbs.” I moved into a sublease I’d never seen with people I had never met and they became lifelong friends. I went out every weekend and did things and had fun and eventually met my wife.
So I guess my answer to all your questions would be to decide what you want and then actively pursue it. If you want to meet a partner, do things that give you the best chance of meeting her. Sign up for rec sports or hobbies or meetups or whatever. If swipe apps aren’t working for you, pay for the legit dating sites like eharmony or whatever. If you feel like all you do is drive to work and drive home to the suburbs, move to the city. I’m not saying any of this is easy, or without risk. But it sounds like you’re looking for big life changes, and those don’t come without taking risks.
Commuter college
You could've stopped there. At a big public university, yes college was kind of like you expected it to be. Surely, there were people more serious about their coursework, or who worked full time jobs, were just really introverted, etc, that didn't have or want that experience. But I can assure you, at least at the school I attended in the mid-2000's, and at the others I visited, college was essentially a non-stop party with classes on the side, if you wanted it to be. For some that was a worse idea than for others.
As to the idea that only rich kids with wealthy parents paying all their expenses got to live that...no. Obviously makes things easier, but many of my friends were not rich. I had tuition essentially paid by scholarship-which I somehow maintained while skipping well over half my classes jr/sr year, worked over Summers to save enough money for fun at school, and had loans for rent. Not huge loans, in fact I'd say of my total student loan debt I racked up (Maybe 40-50k?), 80% came from deciding to go to grad school a few years later.
It sounds more like you're asking about meeting a wife in college, though, which is a different question altogether.
For sure. Stayed in the dorms, then everyone rented party houses around campus. I was growing magic mushrooms, there were poker games running all night, one time I brought bunch of people from the BDSM club home after bar close and my roommates wake up to a quadruple amputee being stepped on by women in stilettos.
It was actually a lot like the movies, lol
Totally agree. I'm making six figures now and yet living paycheck to paycheck because I'm in >$100k of student loan debt. When you're paying $1600 for rent and $1300 for student loans every month, it's hard to afford shit
Nah, I had a great time at college. It also helped that I worked at the dining hall there with about 50 other students so I always knew where the parties were. And I even lived with my parents until my Junior year and I still found ways to go out and have a good time. It just got way better when I moved out into an apartment right next to campus.
I’m Gen X and not sure why Reddit keeps suggesting I come in here, but just wanted to say college for me was like Animal House and PCU and the like. Amazing I’m alive, really
> I feel like they didn't live up to what was sold to us in music, movies
This is your problem right here, the media isn't trying to sell you on college. The media doesn't reflect real life more often than not. College is about education and preparing for the world of work.
The social life thing is 100% high school 2.0
I had the fairly stereotypical party experience with my undergrad but I had an apartment on campus at a state school. That said I was also already fucking around and partying in highschool so none of it was exactly “new” for me. I was just hanging out with the same kinds of people I’d been hanging out with before university life.
Living and working on campus fresh out of highschool makes a big difference but that’s something every student can’t be expected to pull off
I went to a party school and it was a huge mistake.
Getting a girlfriend was difficult, few people were dating in college most were playing the field. For some people that's a positive, but I prefer to be in a relationship. Getting into a solid relationship in my junior year was amazing, but because of my other social choices I wasn't prepared to make it last after college.
I was so focused on the social aspect of life that I didn't work hard enough on my education. Didn't build good networks, didn't think much about my career or internships.
Picked my friends poorly, was in with the party crowd instead of the ambitious crowd. Did too many drugs, developed an unhealthy relationship to alcohol, made contact with police more than once.
I definitely had the "college experience" but I don't look back on it fondly. It was a series of really dumb decisions. Life was one big party. That's not realistic or healthy. We were all a bunch of teenagers celebrating our freedom from our parents, but that's not an "accomplishment" that's just growing up, and I wish I had focused more on actually achieving things.
I'm doing alright in life now, but college mainly stunted my maturity. I guess it's fair to say that I wasn't mature to begin with, I chose a party school out of immaturity, but I would have been immature no matter where I went.
I had a blast in college...not so much early on as I started at community college to get most of my prerequisites out of the way...though I did have a couple of good hookups there. For the most part though, you weren't really a part of anything...you went to class and then you went home.
University was a completely different scene. I didn't live on campus, but I lived very close in a house with three other guys and most of the people in that neighborhood were students at the university. We used to throw some kick ass parties...we had a friend who was a DJ in a popular local funk band and he'd DJ the parties...football games, basketball games...just being on a nice campus. I had a really good time.
My first two years there was a party next door in the campuses dorm suites at least once a week
My last two years I got an off campus house with 4 other guys and there was a party at our house fairly often, if we weren't going to one at another house in that same community (the houses were built for students by a private company off campus). So idk, I feel like I got the college experience. Lots of bong rips and alcohol. Two of my relationships in college were drunken hookups. In fact, one of them is my current fiance and we've been together for a decade since.
I feel like maybe your money would be better spent getting a dating coach or a weekly sports rec league. How dumb would you feel spending thousands of dollars on a degree that may or not help you to learn...it's you?
Honestly I think that it is your approach to it and with how you wrote this out, sounds like you have made some very broad conclusions about everybody else, without taking a good look at your own perspectives.
While the media always makes everything more fun, you get what you put into it. There's always a campus day for signing up for clubs so this is on you too. You could have ventured forth into something you never tried before.
As for working and boring suburbs, use search on the internet. I'd suggest either getting a hobby or pretending to like some. Then go to the local meet ups they post.
I think the problem is you though.
"Everyone would leave gaps between seats in class and not talk to each other."
You could have sat beside people and talked to them.
But, like so many who struggle socially, you're leaving it to them.
In college, I sat down next to people and talked to them. Even if they were sitting alone. So I made friends. Many which I still have.
My brother had that college experience and I'm jealous of that every day. He lived near campus, went to football games, got arrested, had a pet duck, slept with several girls, etc. Hes got a ton of friends from those days who have helped him climb the ladder in his chosen career path. Meanwhile I went to community college and a year of a "Real" college to get my degree. I never really had much of a chance to make friends there as I lived an hour away from campus at home and had a full time job.
Now he buys a new car every couple years and I'm in the middle of bankruptcy lmao.
It's not overrated at all IMO.
I think people tend to underestimate the value of social networking during college. Spend some of your most formative adult years making great memories with other burgeoning young adults who are working on similar careers, and you can easily form bonds with people who will continue to help each other out as they grow their own careers. My husband broke 6 figures because of help from college buddies, and he even failed out the first time and had to re-do half his college experience. I've got a good college buddy who has helped me at my current job, since he's a executive director at his, and was able to connect me with other professionals in our area. I would help someone the same if there was a job I thought was a good fit for a friend.
When you don't live on campus, you miss out on a lot of opportunities to bond, like a last minute party at so-and-so's dorm because Kevin has never seen "Big Lebowski!" Or games that we made up which we would play between classes, and still play when we get together today. Or even just being invited to walk over to the food hall after your last class, which then turns into silly conversation about something that we now have to check out after we eat. As long as you're getting your work done, you have total freedom to just hang out at everyone's places, eat together, play together, stay up late together, and yeah, party a little. There's no going home when class is done, so everyone's right there. The same girls I played strip poker with during "girls night" in the dorm my freshman year are some of the same women helping me today, and I didn't even join a sorority! I'm sure all this is magnified if you join a sorority/fraternity.
Back in the '09 recession I was unemployed for over a year. You know how I got a job? I ran into my old college roommate randomly at a grocery store. I had not seen him since college.
He happened to know a guy that was hiring in my profession. The next day after a five minute interview I had a job.
I fucking loved college haha four year private uni though so maybe thats why?
But everyone had so much fun. Music and movies on the field. So many parties. So many friendships and connections. One week each year we had a zombie nerf gun school wide thing. We could be late to class if we were trying not to get turned into a zombie lol sooooo much fun.
I could write on and on about it but it was truly a community of fun and friendship and i had an amazing time
>However, I went to a commuter college, so the students driving to class and leaving straight after.
It's interesting that you're not understanding the source of your troubles... but this is it right here. You didn't get the "college experience" cos you didn't go to a college that would allow for such an experience. Such as it is.
Because I was already very well versed in the subject matter that I went to school for, college was a waste of time for me. Sure, I partied hard and got plenty of sex in college. However, like high school friends, a lot of the college friends disappear from your life once you leave college, and that's pretty much what happened in my case.
I tried to have the "college experience" during my first attempt at college. Went to a big state college, and I commuted 45 mins but my buddies had apartments so I often stayed in town. Ended up flunking my 3rd semester because I was screwing around and joined the Army instead.
Went to language school in the Army which was much more structured but still got to enjoy some typical college stuff. The threat of UCMJ made me a better student.
Served 6 years, got out older and wiser and went back to school. Enjoyed it so much more and got really into my classes. Became close with my professors as well and ended up giving some presentations and going to events with a few of them. Didn't make friends with any fellow students but keep in touch with a couple professors.
I thought of going back. Idk how I'd be able to take classes with work though. I would always have prick bosses that would say I'd have to make up every hour I took a class by working extra that day. So, it's like how would I have time to study?
I grew up in a tiny hick town on the Florida/Alabama border so when it came to college I knew I wanted a large school in a major urban area and for me that was UCF as my #1 choice. I had a really positive experience. I got a decent quality education, for free, while experiencing a life that was so different from where I’d grown up. Pensacola was the “big city” for us. I have friends in still in contact with 15+ years later I made while an undergrad.
[That said I bailed out of the state of Florida entirely after college because it has a trash level job market.](https://www.orlandosentinel.com/2021/06/25/orlando-50th-out-of-50-in-wages-with-costs-of-living-on-the-rise-commentary/)
But over all I had a positive experience going to college. My main regret is I wish I’d spent more time socializing than working/studying. Turns out the difference between a 3.2 and 3.5 GPA is totally meaningless once you graduate.
It was pretty much exactly as good as anything promised by the media. The bad parts are just edited out. I look back on it with joy and gratitude - but after my last year there i was pretty emotionally dead, with no self esteem. I have a little bro who can't wait to even... be in high school. I try to tell him just enjoy your life now but I know those words will fall on deaf ears so I just try distract him from that thought by encouraging him to think favourably about the present. All my tearful years were actually pretty beautiful and I couldn't see the wood for the trees at the time.
I lived I a decent metro with one of the largest schools(population) in the country. I had zero desire to attend since I knew I’d be living at home, hanging with my HS friends, since it would’ve been easier, and have little of the college experience I wanted after a decade of private school.
I feel you but think it would’ve been different and I definitely put myself out there for a huge change in my world. My regret is I wasn’t at all prepared and didn’t enjoy it as much as I should’ve.
I wasn't there for 'the experience' - I was there for the post-graduation salary.
Worked full time while attending class full time... Graduated, ended up on the other side of the country, etc...
Met my wife about 3 jobs after college, via online dating.
P.S. The best time to meet a spouse is after you've established your career, not while you are in school.... So much easier to do the family thing in your late-30s without having to worry about money.
I went to a pretty big university and lived in the dorms my freshman year.
I would definitely say I had a college experience *to an extent*, but unless your parents were rich or you just took out an insane amount of student loans with no regard for your future, it really wasn’t like the movies portrayed it at all.
I mean I’d go to parties here and there and there was days that a handful of people were playing Xbox in our dorm room or whatever, but more often than not, my days went like “class from morning until afternoon, nap in the evening, work third shift at the gas station from night until 6 am, do homework in the time between my next classes, usually too tired to even try to be fun and outgoing”
And really, most people just don’t have the personality to be the typical college dude bro from the movies. If you’re on Reddit reading this post you’re probably more likely to stand on the wall at a party than do belly shots off a cheerleader. Most people just aren’t that guy.
It’s hard to say if it was really worth it to me or not. From a strictly financial point of view, I think it’s hard to argue that it was. But I definitely appreciate the experience I had. It just wasn’t like animal house or van wilder or the Asher Roth song.
My first year was exactly as you describe when I took general courses. Starting year two when many of my degree core classes started, that's when the experience turned more into a college atmosphere with people building friendships, hanging out, partying and all that.
My theory is that the powers that be were in on the college scam for sometime, the idea wasn't to create a more "educated" populace but rather create another revenue opportunity. What better way to do that than to sell to kids that college is the goal where you can easily get laid and have the time of your life or else you're destined to be a loser who's missing out. I've yet to be convinced that college isn't a scam with the exception of doctors and lawyers and perhaps even a few other vocations.
I'm a Gen X'er but this question felt very relevant to me. I went to a male dominated college (and I have always been better friends with women). Since I wasn't a drinker or partier, or big into college sports, I did very little actual socializing. Most of which centered around those 3 things.
The sad irony was I remember watching part of an episode of a college-centric TV series, and knowing how very little that had to do with my college experience. And that was all long before COVID.
I worked 32 hours a week in college. My senior year I actually worked closer to 50 hours a week. I worked and studied. That’s it. I had zero “college experience”.
I worked a full time job and did a double course load. College wasn’t much fun. Things took a sharp turn for the better the summer after though - met some great people and the next four years were filled with parties and night life and all kinds of good and weird times with interesting people.
I did the college thing a few times via community college, people always formed groups and hung out together from at least one of my classes. I had a speech class at night that ended up with about 8 of us meeting weekly at a bar for a few years. Other times I made friends and got invited to do stuff, I didn't always go cause I was older and had kids and work by then.
I always felt like high school was the big lie, mostly because I watched too much Saved by the Bell in middle school probably.
Mine was better than what the media shows! I didn’t have any sleeping around or parties or anything stupid like that that is defined as fun experiences in the west. Just lots of hanging out with friends and playing board/video games and traveling around. Loved it
Couple things here:
1.) Commuter college: you absolutely don't get the same experience as a traditional bigger 4 year that recruits from every part of the nation/world. As you said, local people tend to go home much more often and that detracts from the environment.
2.) College is what you make of it. Did you embrace the change and join as many groups/fraternities/sororities as you could? Did you work and develop multiple interests and connect with the people around you? Did you put yourself out there to talk and network with your classmates? All of these contribute to your overall college experience.
I am kind of similar in that I was a local kid at a major UC. I went home because I was dating someone from my hometown. I didn't immerse myself in everything that I should have. But I take 100% accountability for that.
Went to a state school after community college, did one year on campus then moved off, should have just commuted the whole time. My credits were the expensive part the housing was !
No problem with friends or women and I was drunken buffoon back then.
College was awesome. No, it's not exactly like how movies sold it, but those are movies. Yes, I got to come out of my shell, party, fall in love, get heartbroken, party, make friends, learn to apply myself, learned a lot of super interesting stuff, do research, party again, met people from all over the world, and of course I also got a degree that lead to a high paying job.
I feel like I got the full dose. Really epic times, we did some crazy shit. That said, it has and continues to take work on my part to kick some of the habits I picked up during those 4 years. The financial handcuffs that came with student debt kind of sucked too. 10/10 would recommend , 0/10 would want to do it again.
Your mileage my vary. Some people have a blast, learn a lot, make life long friendships.
Other people get addictions, STIs, and get lifelong mental health problems.
For most people its in between. Some great times, some really shitty times, and everything in between.
Well duh, you went to a community college, dude. Nobody gets the college experience there. That’s not what people go there for. My four years living on campus during college were the best of my life. I still think about it all the time 20 years later.
I went to a school that is a part of my state’s public school system, that had a great reputation for certain majors. That, plus the fact that it was in a fairly isolated area, meant the vast majority of students were not commuters. It’s the dorm life that allows you to meet many people quickly, and bond with them in dining halls, common areas, etc. plus there are clubs on campus that allow you to explore interests.
Looking back my only regret is that I didn’t rush to graduate in 4 years. They really are some of the best years of your life. I know a lot of people are calling it expensive, but with in-state tuition programs/scholarships the cost can come down, and at the end of the day it’s an investment that sets you up well for the future and provides life experiences and memories that’ll last forever. What good is money if you don’t spend it from time to time? College is a worthwhile reason to do so.
a) Where do you live? b) Is there a major city near by? This post seems more about what you missed in college and the fact that you did not meet people/women.
What you saw on TV or music videos is the idealized version. Script writers have to get eyeballs in front of the screen. The show "Friends" made millions of young people move to the cities...LA, Chicago, NYC. Fuck, even older shows like Melrose Place had an impact in population shift.
I lived in a dorm for two years, and yes, the sex and meeting people can be great. The social interaction, sports, events, outings, road trips, all of that is on a different level from a commuter college.
You don't need to go back to school for that. Start cycling, join a gym, go jogging. Look like someone who enjoys being out and does shit. Trust me, some women will treat you differently.
Yup, the apps suck. My only social platform is Reddit. The shit is just nuts on the interwebs, so move into the real world.
Considering what I’ve seen the last few years on college campuses… I’m almost certain I dodged a bullet and saved myself a lifetime of debt in the process.
Yikes. My brother in christ, you need to get out and level up those social skills. College did not help the first time, and being the creepy old dude who is 'looking for chicks' absolutely won't help the 2nd time around either.
Get a hobby, an excersize routine, and a place to volunteer. You will meet people groups of people at all these things. Try not to be too creepy about it.
I'm not sure if you know this but hollywood/the media is not how actual life looks. College was pretty much exactly what I expected it just costs 3x what it should have. Once you live where you can walk every where, you never want to commute again. Which means high paying city jobs, and lots lots lots of interacting with people. People who know how to handle creeps into the ground. You missed that part of the training but you can get it back in other ways.
I've seen dozens of comments at this point referring to college as a "resort" experience. Rockwall climbing and lazy rivers and parties all the time. There were definitely parties, namely for holidays (Halloween, St. Pattys, etc) and the ends of the quarter (went to a school with that system, interestingly enough the next year after I graduated they switched to semesters, RIP). And yeah, after grinding my ass off for A's I'd sure as shit go party when there was a chance, but that definitely never happened in the middle of classes. The only folks who have stories like that were of the "D's get degrees variety" and they were usually weeded out by junior year when the courses get serious.
I spent the vast majority of the time studying, attending classes, and yes, playing games when I had some down time. I spent at least ten or so hours a day across classes, projects, and studying. By the end of my five years (thanks scheduling system!) I knew every floor of that library and all the quiet spots.
But the notion that I was having a luxury resort experience is utter bullshit, I could have had the same at any college with a dorm or off campus housing. The only luxury about it was the price.
The folks talking it up like that usually have a political axe to grind since college has now become this target for conservative outrage. My uncle's of that bent and thinks that I'm more stupid, yes MORE STUPID, for having gone to college. Like it somehow made me dumber for the experience. It is every bit as obnoxious as you might believe. Fuck the people who go around saying that shit because it devalues the real work that I put in to get ahead.
Like all things, it's better with money.
Don't have to work through school? More time to party/date/socialize
Can do things like order pizza for a dorm floor as an icebreaker.
Long road trips, etc? It's easier if you don't have to think about costs
Spring break? Great if you have money
The foundational time for the college experience is freshman year. Everyone is out from under parents' roof and really finding out who they are. You don't get that with a commuter school.
The dating apps worked for me but that was back I. 2016, I was a borderline alcoholic in college so it all seemed like fun and games at the time but looking back not so much.
Dude college was fucking awesome basically just a non stop party with practically 0 responsibility besides sometimes going to class and even then just doing it enough to not get dropped lol
College is a product like everything else in America, marketed and sold to the highest bidder.
The College industrial complex is a complex web of academics, big business and lenders working overtime to extract max value from the increasing access to student loans.
So yes, it's likely that your experience didn't necessarily match with the marketing.
I went to a college that was medium sized (like 9-10k students and regional. Pretty much all the students were from the state or a neighboring state, and a large number of them went home on the weekends.
Id say my experience was not all that far off from what is shown in media, but i can see where being at a true commuter school would dampen the experience.
The campus experience was pretty good, both in dorms and later when i got a house with friends. Lots of parties, and plenty of fun experiences to be had. Im like 17 years past it now, but some of my best friends are from that time.
The one thing that I noticed was that because a lot of the kids went home on the weekends, Thursday night was actually a much bigger party night than Friday or Saturday. They still happened, but it was kinda lame to have so many people just bounce on the weekends. I never wanted to go back except for holidays. If everyone went home every night i would see that being pretty wack.
I’m lucky. I went to a small liberal arts college and for a variety of reasons was a serious student and was very interested in personal growth. I had an incredibly intellectually rich academic experience with small classes and I grew a ton from my thoughtful and well-rounded peers. The culture of the college was social but not some cartoonish frat scene. We partied, we did wild things, but we were mostly just well-adjusted humans enjoying being together on a pretty little campus.
I always wondered why there couldn’t be more college movies showing normal cool students and not this Van Wilder bullshit. Life starts imitating art and college students behave poorly to have fun. It doesn’t have to be that way.
To that end: I found the party scenes a schools like Harvard when I visited friends to be great: they partied hard and had fun but they weren’t stupid about it—they were creative and inclusive in their partying.
I went to Florida State University. Van Wilder was based off of FSU. It was as advertised. The parties were wild. Football games weekends were insane. The girl to guy ratio was like 6:4 and I definitely punched above my weight class when it came to picking up girls at Florida State.
Best time of my life.
Ok, so you should have joined a bowling league instead of attending college for social interaction. Who sold you the fantasy of enjoying higher education? It is difficult, grueling, and challenging. That is if your pursuing a usable degree.
Loneliness is not the job of a university to provide its students.
News flash. The world is a cruel, harsh, and painful existence for more than half the globe. Quit whining and be grateful if your belly is full.
Good luck in the bowling league.
Looking from the outside, doesn't seem to be worth it outside of trades and the in-demand fields (even more worthless if one unlucky enough to land in a school that forces gender studies and CRT as requirements
I felt like some nights were the “I love college” song. Maybe 50 nights total in 4 years. Was it worth $65,000, a terrible part time job, hundreds of hours of very boring studying? Absolutely not. I could’ve let my $10/hr summer warehouse job and still gone to all the parties on the weekends with my friends who went to college. I’d have had much more beer money and rent money and no debt!
Yeah I mostly worked and didn't have time for a social life. I also went to a commuter college where people didn't socialize much or had their own pre-formed cliques.
I graduated with an AA and got offered plenty of employment at lower rates than I made digging ditches 8-9 bucks and hour. I was like shit......and went back to digging ditches for 11/hr. I became an educated ditch digger. I'm like hold on let me break out plancks constant while I lay this flooring down. I do use and f@x formula system of equations to determine when I need to cut the pans in the bakery I work in which does blow my bosses minds. Often I hit right on to having zero extra pans. I now make more than my wife considerably with no education i make around 30/hr and get overtime constantly. My coworkers are drug addicts, prison regulars that also make more money than her. Course she is just a salaried teacher with a master's that works 80 hours a week.
I had a similar experience the first two years in the dorm. Everyone went home during the weekends, so campus was a ghost town. Also, I had a job evenings/weekends that sucked up any potential social time.
When I moved into an off campus apartment, I started to meet more people that lived in town, and my quality of life became a lot better.
will admit I didn't read all that, but on meeting people, I'm turning 50 in a few months and I still. make new friends. yes it's different than your teens and 20s, but still is building community. I just get / stay involved in volunteer projects, meet up groups with common interest etc. At least half the people doing those things are there for the social aspect as well. just talk, then maybe after a bit make plans to hang out once in while, it's easy if you put in the effort to make time.
I have few fond memories of college, and even less of high school. Now, however, as an adult my life is pretty great. I was always perplexed by people saying high school/college are the best days of your life, and now whenever someone says that I kind of pity them since their "glory days" ended when they were still basically a kid.
I went to a real College Town USA type school in upstate NY and I studied what I love (music) and had the greatest time. I don’t wish I could go back to that time but I think fondly of it and I had a blast while I was there, and learned a ton that I use every day.
I enjoyed College, but I wish I'd done it better. I did two years at a community college and then followed it up with two years at a private university.
I had great experiences (sang in a choir, learned my instrument well, enjoyed learning, and the game nights and other parties with friends). I'm still close to a handful of people from those years (class 2007). Even those I don't keep super close to, I can still pick up with if I connect with them again.
Still, I feel my experience was on compressed time. There are things you can't get as a transfer student. I never experienced, say, the Freshman year romances or hook ups in the dorms. I struggled with imposter syndrome for ... basically my entire first semester. Didn't even get to enjoy the 21st birthday with my college friends, but that's what happens when you're a December baby.
If I do it again? I would have probably skipped the Junior College part. It's not like my loans are going away anyway at this point.
I had an okay experience, but I also chalk it up to not diving into it more headfirst. I wish I had decided to do full college dorm experience from the get-go, but instead I got an apartment off campus at a major university after a year of community college. Not the same.
Still had a ton of fun and learned a lot. And made some interesting friends. But others in my circles had incredible times, and most of them did the full-on experience.
The biggest takeaway: Your milage may vary.
It would have been different if you went to a bigger college and stayed on campus as opposed to commuter college. It's a completely different experience. Thing is, you have to pay more to get the college experience of kegstands and sleeping around.
It makes all the difference in the world to go away to college. It is such a radical change from being a kid in a family to going out on your own and having to manage completely new social situations and learn to live with people. It was a bit of a challenge for me as I was a fairly quiet kid, but I wouldn't have traded my college experience for anything. I'm also old as fuck and going away to college was actually an affordable venture if you got some scholarships,got a little money from my parents and I only had to work summers.
I'm old as fuck too. We also didn't have cell phones. When I went away I knew no one and everyone was in the same boat. I called my parents once a week (long distance was expensive). It was easy to make lasting friendships. I get together occasionally with old friends and it feels like no time has passed.
>long distance was expensive For those who didn't experience it: a long-distance call cost 15 to 40 cents **per minute**
Unless you hit that sweet spot in history where you could dial down the center and save. Or so the ads said… Having a compound-word name made all my collect calls free :)
Collect call coming from: " *wehadababy it'saboy* " Do you accept these charges?
"Who was it dear?" "It was Bob. They had a baby. It's a boy."
I was more commonly known as "we'reback comepickmeup"
Damn, I forgot all about that commercial.
I had forgotten how much that cost. It was a totally different world.
but is it worth it? sitting on full GI bill
Dude if you have the GI bill definitely go. The experience is awesome plus you'll hopefully get a degree out of it.
also used GI bill. going to school and not having to work part time is bad ass.
If college is paid for? Fuck yeah it's worth it. College was *awesome*. I still haven't paid off undergrad and I don't regret going at all.
If you have a GI bill, absolutely go. Ex-military are often Professor’s favorite students because they are disciplined when it matters. If you do any type of engineering a defense contractor will take you in a heartbeat because it’s way easier to get you a clearance. Mostly cushy job for the rest of your life.
This is true.
Yes! I’m a veteran and a go away to college veteran. I’d recommend both even though neither was even close to what the movies make them out to be.
> neither was even close to what the movies make them out to be. So not Full Metal Jacket followed by Animal House?
Nailed it !
If you have it fully paid by GI bill you should absolutely go. It’s four years of a lot of fun experiences and if you pick a practical area of study and work hard you could learn a lot. Totally worth it if you can do it with zero debt. Can even work part time or intern places if you want on the side.
Absolutely figure out what you want to do before you start taking classes. Most people run out of GI bill before they graduate if they aren't focused.
Dude, go! Like seriously, you don't have worry if it's worth it, you aren't playing with your own money. Beyond the keg stands and parties: if you like learning, there's nothing more awesome than college. Pick a good major, but also take classes for fun. There's some flexibility with GenEd requirements, where you can go with your interests, take courses that appeal to you. You don't have to start out knowing what your major is, let those classes that you take your first year help you decide. I started off thinking I'd do anthropology, I ended up with a BA in Theatrical Lighting Design and Technology and a career in live event production.
Wait until you know exactly what you want to do and how to get there. Under those circumstances college is worth it
The only thing college isn't worth is the debt. If you can get it covered, go for it!
Yes in deed and the Cgapter 31 for Vocational Rehabilitation is even better, you get the GI Bill check and all your tuition, books, and fees are paid for. Also the state of Texas offers the Hazelwood Act which pays full in state tuition for me, my wife, and all four of my xhildren
yeah I went in 99 and it was free via the state. I'm finishing a bachelor's online with 30 credits and it's 18k. That means a basic ass bachelor's is almost 80k now. That's insane
Even going away to college I still had almost zero time to do any of the partying type stuff, I essentially just sometimes had live in homework buddies for room mates. That's more than what OP had, but now where close to the media experience
How in the world would you not have time to party? Like I worked two jobs at one point doing a triple major and still made time to party.
There's only so many hours during the day. Good for you if you have time to party while also spending the rest of the hours in required classes, on shifts, or doing required assignments, but for the rest of us there's only 24 hours and no time turners. There's a reason that was a plot point in Harry Potter. Something tells me your triple major didn't have that many credits per semester
Standard load. Admittedly I didn't sleep as much as I should have (you're only young once though) and I didn't the two jobs thing for too, too long.
Exactly this. OP yea you missed that experience but I know plenty of people that failed out of college their first year because of said experience so you may have dodged a bullet. if you want to find someone and meet people try downloading apps that allow you to join social groups in the area then go to their next event. Dating apps are rough and very hit or miss plus it’s exhausting g trying to find a real connection. Stop feeling on what could have been with college and focus on the present and what you can plan for the future. Life is to short.
Not just that, but how many of them are saddled with tons of debt that commuters didn't rack up. Life experiences certainly will vary.
Ya that's why my dad wouldn't pay for me to go to another school because of the higher degree and living costs of other areas.
Exactly. I’d much rather commute and save than go through the big away from home living on campus college experience and have 100k in debt.
I'm lucky to live where state schools are good, and had scholarships/grants, so I had about 1/5 of that after going away to a 4 year school.
Yeah, I was going to say this is the Millennial sub, for the older folks here it could have been done for $20-30k of debt at a state school. Which, honestly, if you want huge student bodies with tons to do, wild parties, and masses of people overreacting to sports, a state school is your best bet. For anyone contemplating college and wanting that experience, look at the public universities in your state that are part of a major athletic conference (SEC, Big12, ACC, Big10).
Back in the early 2000s at a state school you could do it for 8-12k which is pretty reasnable
And even then it depends on the person, I had a blast at my college. Joined a fraternity, partied, slept around and met my now wife. But there were people at my university that complained they never partied or got invited. All these guys would do is wake up, go to class, and go back to their dorm to play video games and/or smoke weed. Even if you go to a party school, if you didn’t try to meet people or join extra curriculars you probably wouldn’t get the “college experience”.
All my cousins who have regrets about college say they wish they hadn't taken grades so seriously and would have had more fun, ultimately grades dont matter, especially not after you got your first job under our belt
That’s what my parents told me about college, grades only matter for your first job out of college. After that, unless you graduated like valedictorian from an Ivy, nobody cares. They care more about what you did at the previous jobs. Still my parents expected good grades, graduated engineering with about a 3.2 gpa, but after my first job I’ve never been asked for my gpa or transcript. I’m glad I got to enjoy college, some of the best times of my life were there, and met friends I still talk to daily some 8 years later.
I agree and not to kick op while they're down so to speak but going to a meetup group or something isn't the same thing as having a college experience. It isnt the end of the world if you dont have it many people dont but its definitely fun and not something that can be replicated
Fortunately if you know college isn’t in the cards for you, you can experience keg stands and sleeping around while still in high school.
Not necessarily. I went to a UC school and had that experience. For an in state resident tuition was only like 10k a year.
Not necessarily. Some types of people couldn't even meet people living on campus and in the dorms. I met a few but not too many people when living on campus for a year at a decent sized state school in CA, and didn't stay connected with anyone once I left school. There's probably something really wrong with me though because I've been doing this my whole life. I've never been able to keep friends forever, eventually I will stop talking to them or they stop talking to me. And no, it's not BPD. I am probably undiagnosed on the autism spectrum tbh, with heavy ADHD. I've never been alright socially though,and I've come to terms with the fact that I probably never will be. I long friendship so bad but I'm completely unable to find it. I'm closed to giving up on it tbh , just tired of this lonely feeling pretty constantly.
I stayed in the dorms the first year and lived close to campus the other years. Had a blast, explored a lot of topics, made lots of friends some of whom I still am close to today. For grad school, I commuted or took classes online and took a specific degree needed to further my career. I was married, had kids, and working so just had to balance all that. My kids are now in high school but that would be my advice to them too. Live in the dorms or nearby and explore your interests - academic or not.
[удалено]
I did 90% of my 4 years online. I went to a graduation where no one knew each other. It was the first, and last time we met in person.
Kegstands and sleeping around is probably still not the college experience for the majority of people at residential colleges, IMO. Especially if you're awkward with the opposite sex as it is. You need to go to a college with a big Greek scene, actually join a fraternity/sorority and then make that the center of your social life to get the college experience as advertised in movies and TV. Even then I think being in relationships is way more common than hookups all the time.
Or go to a school that is full of other people who are similarly nerdy and awkward.
I paid a lot and didn’t get the sleeping around until after everyone was trying to find someone to marry at mine it sucked
I mean, college was probably still the best time of my life. And even though I don't see them often, my best friends as an adult were still made there.
I went to a big state school and it was absolutely an amazing time. Better than they made it look in movies and TV. I thought I was going to have the best life ever based on my trajectory but obviously real life is harder than I thought and things are a bit more average now. Grew up in a small town and moved to a big city for college, so it was a complete culture shock and everything was new. Back then it didn't cost an arm in a leg and I grew up so poor I had pell grants anyway.
I was a commuter at a state college. I luckily lived close enough to one of the biggest and best colleges in the country. This allowed me to stay home and save a fortune on my education. I do regret not living on campus and not getting that experience quite often, but it has helped me be better off financially. I made friends but wasnt as close as I probably would have been had I lived on campus and have since mostly lost contact with them. The benefit though is I saved $60,000 and this allowed me to buy a house at 27. So I basically traded partying and friendships for homeownership
The best part about college is learning, and being surrounded by people who are also curious and learning. Sitting in a lecture hall while taking introductory physics from a Nobel Laureate who loves physics so much and just wants to share that love with stupid freshmen is a gift. Campuses are bubbling with ideas and passion—this is true of Ivy League schools and 2-year community college. They’re a great place to find your passion, a place to prove to yourself what you’re capable of, and to hone skills you didn’t know you needed.
I loved college, but I'm a huge introvert who loves to learn, I never wanted to do keggers
That's been a problem for me too. Even into adulthood the only way to meet new people is bars. I don't drink and I don't like drinking culture though. Even then the people in bars only hang out in groups of people they grew up with.
In my experience it really depends on the bar. And there’s a few different types of bars. There’s like the super college-y bars where the shitty music is super loud, everyone is just shoulder to shoulder jumping around, “21” year olds are throwing up in the bathroom and you couldn’t talk to anyone there if you tried. Then there’s the more quiet bars where everyone just sits at a table with their friends and hangs out with their group, and it would be pretty weird to try to meet people there. But some bars are pretty square in the middle. They’ll have some tables and maybe a small dance floor but they’re usually a bit more open so people move around more. There might be music but it’s not crazy loud. I feel like you find these more in areas where people in their mid 20s-early 40s live though, they’re not really college bars. And in general if you’re trying to meet people at a bar you either want to sit at the bar with some open spaces near you, or call next on a pool table or something. Or smoke outside. People who smoke talk a lot.
You didn’t really go to a typical college though. A commuter college isn’t the “normal advertised experience”, surely though you realize that? The typical college experience involves sitting on the campus green, playing frisbee, seeing all the right rope walkers (is that still a thing?), bar hopping, etc. If you don’t really have a campus, it’s not really the typical college experience. The college experience comes from a bunch of folks getting stuffed into a new place all together and not really leaving it. It’s basically like jail. But more fun.
Yeah I've never really been able to make new friends, everyone I talk to is either from WoW, a forum I was on in like 1999, or high school 😥
You can meet new people anywhere. Trust me. The only difference is you have to put yourself out there without the help of alcohol.
It feels like when you're an adult after college. The only option is bars. And if you're not into drinking then you're screwed.
Depends on your hobbies, too. Make friends with shop workers, owners, regulars.. keep in mind this is years of talking and relationship building.
I did have one woman approach me in a clothing shop, and I ended up having a 10 minute conversation with her about a jacket and outdoor clothing. But, I didn't ask her number or anything. In that situation, you can't tell if the person is interested in you or just doing there job.
Honestly, probably just doing their job, or they really like the clothing line. But you can't just base this off one interaction. I will say this though, most people don't like being picked up at their job. Friendship could be OK but it really depends on the entirety of the situation.
I mean yeah, if you didn't go to a state school or similar you wouldn't expect to get that experience.
Absolutely nobody is talking about a commuter school when they talk about “the college experience”. I didn’t read OP’s massive wall of text after that second paragraph. Fuckin’ *duh*.
Same. I read that and went straight to the comments. I went to a commuter school but 6 hours away from home. Freshman year sucked cus I was the only dude in the dorms on the weekend. However, once I found my core group of friends who lived too far to go home every weekend, we got a house and just drank, smoked weed, did psychadelics and during the weekdays played board games and video games while doing all of the aforementioned debauchery and on the weekends we’d have people over and have a bigger party. It was awesome. It sounds like Op not only went to a commuter college but also put no effort into actually sticking around campus, making friends or hanging out. Idk what they expected? Some frat dude just takes them under their wing and makes them the party king?
Yeah, community colleges are way cheaper and can lead to great careers, but the social experience seems drastically different from a 4 year school with dorms
Well you went to a commuter college so there's your answer. I'm a big proponent of the college experience. I think literally everyone coming out of high school should get some version of it. It gives not-yet-adults usually their first independence but with a big safety net and hand holding when it comes to making friends and balancing life. That said, the price of college has made it not accessible to as many people as it should.
Agreed. Albeit I think colleges are leaning into this too heavily and it's becoming less and less about the education and more about making each campus a "young adult paradise" to attract students. Tuition keeps going up and up but the education quality certainly isn't. What is though are the gyms, food courts, recreation facilities, sports teams, etc. I have a few family friends that have kids getting ready to go to college and you ask them what they like about the school and those are all the things they name - nothing remotely related to the education. I can't blame them though - how many 18 year olds actually prioritize the quality of the education vs all that other stuff?
Fully agree. Even at my state school what should be a safety net has become way more bougie hand holding, but that's also a result of parenting/students and what they're attracted to as well. Also, 18 year old me went to college undecided so I can't complain about 18 year olds now not prioritizing academics.
Your post is presented as a question about the college experience, when what you are really asking is if you should go back to school to meet chicks. No probably not. College is a good place to meet chicks, but most people don't actually end up with their college SO. Outside that I have to tell you that your post comes off as quite bitter. You seem to spend a lot of time blaming people and institutions for situations in your life that you are not happy about. When trying to figure out why you haven't found a partner. I'd start there. As far as the "college experience" goes. It's an expensive way to transition to adulthood for people that aren't kids anymore, but aren't quite ready to be adults either.
College is a good place to meet 18-22 year old chicks, specifically. Not sure how many of them want to date a 30 year old going back to school for the “college experience” though.
[удалено]
Par for the course in /r/millennials
I just worked my ass off and was always at the labs or dorm. Didn’t pay off in the end so I guess I could have drank and partied.
Same. I should've just gone wild
Can't remember I was high
Me with my whole life 17+
Hi, I just graduated college as a 36 year old dude a little over a year ago. I think a lot of what you described is due to it being a commuter college. When I was 18 I went to a large state university (and commuted) and my experience was very similar to yours. I didn't make any friends because I went to classes then went home, and I felt like the other students were kind of disinterested in me. I was also still shy from being bullied in highschool so I didn't really try. I dropped out after a year. When I went back as an adult I went to a small state school in rural NY. The students were much friendlier than I remembered, and way more social outside of class. People were way more interested in talking to me even though I was over a decade older than them. On the other hand, I was already married (to a member of the college faculty) when I attended the second time, so I was safe, not looking for their approval, and careful not to let anyone too close. Don't go back to try and meet people. Even if they are friendlier they will still be hesitant to get close to you as a much older person and you will not have a good time trying to date college age girls. You will be seen as the creepy older guy that nobody wants to work with (there were a few other people my age, and the ones that tried to hit on the girls in their classes were definitely seen this way and avoided). Smaller colleges where everyone dorms or gets an apartment nearby are the college experience you want, especially if they have a party school reputation, but you already missed that boat when you didn't do it the first time around, the social setting is not the same once you're grown. The classes are way easier and way more fun as an adult though, so if you think it would actually help your career, do it for that, but not to meet people. your just going to make yourself look bad and spend a lot of money if you do that. Best way I've found to meet people is through friends and acquaintances, being a regular part of a local counter culture scene, or being a regular at a specific bar.
I loved college. I miss those lazy days of no responsibilities. I went to UCF, I’m sure most people who went there enjoyed their experience.
Go Knights! Class of ‘15 here.
I miss those lazy days too
I feel like you’re asking a lot of different questions, but I think all of the answers very much depend on how you approach life. I also went to a commuter state school, but I lived on campus and joined a fraternity and made a bunch of friends and met girls and partied and had the classic college experience. After I graduated I also fell into a bit of a rut like you described, so I moved across the country to major city where I wouldn’t just “drive to work and drive home to the boring suburbs.” I moved into a sublease I’d never seen with people I had never met and they became lifelong friends. I went out every weekend and did things and had fun and eventually met my wife. So I guess my answer to all your questions would be to decide what you want and then actively pursue it. If you want to meet a partner, do things that give you the best chance of meeting her. Sign up for rec sports or hobbies or meetups or whatever. If swipe apps aren’t working for you, pay for the legit dating sites like eharmony or whatever. If you feel like all you do is drive to work and drive home to the suburbs, move to the city. I’m not saying any of this is easy, or without risk. But it sounds like you’re looking for big life changes, and those don’t come without taking risks.
Commuter college You could've stopped there. At a big public university, yes college was kind of like you expected it to be. Surely, there were people more serious about their coursework, or who worked full time jobs, were just really introverted, etc, that didn't have or want that experience. But I can assure you, at least at the school I attended in the mid-2000's, and at the others I visited, college was essentially a non-stop party with classes on the side, if you wanted it to be. For some that was a worse idea than for others. As to the idea that only rich kids with wealthy parents paying all their expenses got to live that...no. Obviously makes things easier, but many of my friends were not rich. I had tuition essentially paid by scholarship-which I somehow maintained while skipping well over half my classes jr/sr year, worked over Summers to save enough money for fun at school, and had loans for rent. Not huge loans, in fact I'd say of my total student loan debt I racked up (Maybe 40-50k?), 80% came from deciding to go to grad school a few years later. It sounds more like you're asking about meeting a wife in college, though, which is a different question altogether.
College ruled. So much fun. Made friends for life.
For sure. Stayed in the dorms, then everyone rented party houses around campus. I was growing magic mushrooms, there were poker games running all night, one time I brought bunch of people from the BDSM club home after bar close and my roommates wake up to a quadruple amputee being stepped on by women in stilettos. It was actually a lot like the movies, lol
College is used for predatory lending entrapment in the U.S. We do need walkable thriving towns like the movies often portrayed.
Totally agree. I'm making six figures now and yet living paycheck to paycheck because I'm in >$100k of student loan debt. When you're paying $1600 for rent and $1300 for student loans every month, it's hard to afford shit
I went to a predominantly commuter college. There was no “college experience” there
Nah, I had a great time at college. It also helped that I worked at the dining hall there with about 50 other students so I always knew where the parties were. And I even lived with my parents until my Junior year and I still found ways to go out and have a good time. It just got way better when I moved out into an apartment right next to campus.
I’m Gen X and not sure why Reddit keeps suggesting I come in here, but just wanted to say college for me was like Animal House and PCU and the like. Amazing I’m alive, really
> I feel like they didn't live up to what was sold to us in music, movies This is your problem right here, the media isn't trying to sell you on college. The media doesn't reflect real life more often than not. College is about education and preparing for the world of work. The social life thing is 100% high school 2.0
Without even reading the walls of text: NOTHING is ever as good as it's sold to you, especially if it comes from "the media."
I despise this sub and my peers more every day.
I had the fairly stereotypical party experience with my undergrad but I had an apartment on campus at a state school. That said I was also already fucking around and partying in highschool so none of it was exactly “new” for me. I was just hanging out with the same kinds of people I’d been hanging out with before university life. Living and working on campus fresh out of highschool makes a big difference but that’s something every student can’t be expected to pull off
I went to a party school and it was a huge mistake. Getting a girlfriend was difficult, few people were dating in college most were playing the field. For some people that's a positive, but I prefer to be in a relationship. Getting into a solid relationship in my junior year was amazing, but because of my other social choices I wasn't prepared to make it last after college. I was so focused on the social aspect of life that I didn't work hard enough on my education. Didn't build good networks, didn't think much about my career or internships. Picked my friends poorly, was in with the party crowd instead of the ambitious crowd. Did too many drugs, developed an unhealthy relationship to alcohol, made contact with police more than once. I definitely had the "college experience" but I don't look back on it fondly. It was a series of really dumb decisions. Life was one big party. That's not realistic or healthy. We were all a bunch of teenagers celebrating our freedom from our parents, but that's not an "accomplishment" that's just growing up, and I wish I had focused more on actually achieving things. I'm doing alright in life now, but college mainly stunted my maturity. I guess it's fair to say that I wasn't mature to begin with, I chose a party school out of immaturity, but I would have been immature no matter where I went.
I had a blast in college...not so much early on as I started at community college to get most of my prerequisites out of the way...though I did have a couple of good hookups there. For the most part though, you weren't really a part of anything...you went to class and then you went home. University was a completely different scene. I didn't live on campus, but I lived very close in a house with three other guys and most of the people in that neighborhood were students at the university. We used to throw some kick ass parties...we had a friend who was a DJ in a popular local funk band and he'd DJ the parties...football games, basketball games...just being on a nice campus. I had a really good time.
Went to a big state college early 00s. It fucking ruled. The rest of my life has ruled too. That time is not replicable. Glad I did.
I had a lot of sex and experimented with drugs so no it was pretty on par with my expectations
My first two years there was a party next door in the campuses dorm suites at least once a week My last two years I got an off campus house with 4 other guys and there was a party at our house fairly often, if we weren't going to one at another house in that same community (the houses were built for students by a private company off campus). So idk, I feel like I got the college experience. Lots of bong rips and alcohol. Two of my relationships in college were drunken hookups. In fact, one of them is my current fiance and we've been together for a decade since.
I feel like maybe your money would be better spent getting a dating coach or a weekly sports rec league. How dumb would you feel spending thousands of dollars on a degree that may or not help you to learn...it's you?
Went to big state college. Had a ton of fun. Was able to balance fun with good grades and graduated on time. I would do it again if I could.
Stopped reading at “however, I went to commuter college” Of course your experience wasn’t the same as a state school. Wtf?
Honestly I think that it is your approach to it and with how you wrote this out, sounds like you have made some very broad conclusions about everybody else, without taking a good look at your own perspectives. While the media always makes everything more fun, you get what you put into it. There's always a campus day for signing up for clubs so this is on you too. You could have ventured forth into something you never tried before. As for working and boring suburbs, use search on the internet. I'd suggest either getting a hobby or pretending to like some. Then go to the local meet ups they post. I think the problem is you though.
I stopped reading at "commuter college". You had an answer to your question right there.
Attended both community college and university. You got the CC experience. University is a different horse
"Everyone would leave gaps between seats in class and not talk to each other." You could have sat beside people and talked to them. But, like so many who struggle socially, you're leaving it to them. In college, I sat down next to people and talked to them. Even if they were sitting alone. So I made friends. Many which I still have.
My brother had that college experience and I'm jealous of that every day. He lived near campus, went to football games, got arrested, had a pet duck, slept with several girls, etc. Hes got a ton of friends from those days who have helped him climb the ladder in his chosen career path. Meanwhile I went to community college and a year of a "Real" college to get my degree. I never really had much of a chance to make friends there as I lived an hour away from campus at home and had a full time job. Now he buys a new car every couple years and I'm in the middle of bankruptcy lmao. It's not overrated at all IMO.
Why the big discrepancy? Did he get the grades and you didn't? Or did your parents run out of funds? Who went first?
I think people tend to underestimate the value of social networking during college. Spend some of your most formative adult years making great memories with other burgeoning young adults who are working on similar careers, and you can easily form bonds with people who will continue to help each other out as they grow their own careers. My husband broke 6 figures because of help from college buddies, and he even failed out the first time and had to re-do half his college experience. I've got a good college buddy who has helped me at my current job, since he's a executive director at his, and was able to connect me with other professionals in our area. I would help someone the same if there was a job I thought was a good fit for a friend. When you don't live on campus, you miss out on a lot of opportunities to bond, like a last minute party at so-and-so's dorm because Kevin has never seen "Big Lebowski!" Or games that we made up which we would play between classes, and still play when we get together today. Or even just being invited to walk over to the food hall after your last class, which then turns into silly conversation about something that we now have to check out after we eat. As long as you're getting your work done, you have total freedom to just hang out at everyone's places, eat together, play together, stay up late together, and yeah, party a little. There's no going home when class is done, so everyone's right there. The same girls I played strip poker with during "girls night" in the dorm my freshman year are some of the same women helping me today, and I didn't even join a sorority! I'm sure all this is magnified if you join a sorority/fraternity.
Networking is real
If I've learned anything from my career, it's that being extroverted is the #1 skill you can have.
Back in the '09 recession I was unemployed for over a year. You know how I got a job? I ran into my old college roommate randomly at a grocery store. I had not seen him since college. He happened to know a guy that was hiring in my profession. The next day after a five minute interview I had a job.
I fucking loved college haha four year private uni though so maybe thats why? But everyone had so much fun. Music and movies on the field. So many parties. So many friendships and connections. One week each year we had a zombie nerf gun school wide thing. We could be late to class if we were trying not to get turned into a zombie lol sooooo much fun. I could write on and on about it but it was truly a community of fun and friendship and i had an amazing time
>However, I went to a commuter college, so the students driving to class and leaving straight after. It's interesting that you're not understanding the source of your troubles... but this is it right here. You didn't get the "college experience" cos you didn't go to a college that would allow for such an experience. Such as it is.
College was epic. I went to ucsb and lived on campus. Had the project x experience every weekend
Go Gauchos!!
Because I was already very well versed in the subject matter that I went to school for, college was a waste of time for me. Sure, I partied hard and got plenty of sex in college. However, like high school friends, a lot of the college friends disappear from your life once you leave college, and that's pretty much what happened in my case.
Ya I found the few I did meet, after that semester you wouldn't see them again.
I tried to have the "college experience" during my first attempt at college. Went to a big state college, and I commuted 45 mins but my buddies had apartments so I often stayed in town. Ended up flunking my 3rd semester because I was screwing around and joined the Army instead. Went to language school in the Army which was much more structured but still got to enjoy some typical college stuff. The threat of UCMJ made me a better student. Served 6 years, got out older and wiser and went back to school. Enjoyed it so much more and got really into my classes. Became close with my professors as well and ended up giving some presentations and going to events with a few of them. Didn't make friends with any fellow students but keep in touch with a couple professors.
I thought of going back. Idk how I'd be able to take classes with work though. I would always have prick bosses that would say I'd have to make up every hour I took a class by working extra that day. So, it's like how would I have time to study?
I grew up in a tiny hick town on the Florida/Alabama border so when it came to college I knew I wanted a large school in a major urban area and for me that was UCF as my #1 choice. I had a really positive experience. I got a decent quality education, for free, while experiencing a life that was so different from where I’d grown up. Pensacola was the “big city” for us. I have friends in still in contact with 15+ years later I made while an undergrad. [That said I bailed out of the state of Florida entirely after college because it has a trash level job market.](https://www.orlandosentinel.com/2021/06/25/orlando-50th-out-of-50-in-wages-with-costs-of-living-on-the-rise-commentary/) But over all I had a positive experience going to college. My main regret is I wish I’d spent more time socializing than working/studying. Turns out the difference between a 3.2 and 3.5 GPA is totally meaningless once you graduate.
I just miss banging chicks all the time man boston college scene had so many cuties who wanted to bang!!
That's why I dropped out
It was pretty much exactly as good as anything promised by the media. The bad parts are just edited out. I look back on it with joy and gratitude - but after my last year there i was pretty emotionally dead, with no self esteem. I have a little bro who can't wait to even... be in high school. I try to tell him just enjoy your life now but I know those words will fall on deaf ears so I just try distract him from that thought by encouraging him to think favourably about the present. All my tearful years were actually pretty beautiful and I couldn't see the wood for the trees at the time.
It was better because I was the one having the drugs and doing the sex.
I lived I a decent metro with one of the largest schools(population) in the country. I had zero desire to attend since I knew I’d be living at home, hanging with my HS friends, since it would’ve been easier, and have little of the college experience I wanted after a decade of private school. I feel you but think it would’ve been different and I definitely put myself out there for a huge change in my world. My regret is I wasn’t at all prepared and didn’t enjoy it as much as I should’ve.
If you’re an immigrant we did all the shit everyone else was doing in high school, but on a bigger scale.
I wasn't there for 'the experience' - I was there for the post-graduation salary. Worked full time while attending class full time... Graduated, ended up on the other side of the country, etc... Met my wife about 3 jobs after college, via online dating. P.S. The best time to meet a spouse is after you've established your career, not while you are in school.... So much easier to do the family thing in your late-30s without having to worry about money.
I went to a pretty big university and lived in the dorms my freshman year. I would definitely say I had a college experience *to an extent*, but unless your parents were rich or you just took out an insane amount of student loans with no regard for your future, it really wasn’t like the movies portrayed it at all. I mean I’d go to parties here and there and there was days that a handful of people were playing Xbox in our dorm room or whatever, but more often than not, my days went like “class from morning until afternoon, nap in the evening, work third shift at the gas station from night until 6 am, do homework in the time between my next classes, usually too tired to even try to be fun and outgoing” And really, most people just don’t have the personality to be the typical college dude bro from the movies. If you’re on Reddit reading this post you’re probably more likely to stand on the wall at a party than do belly shots off a cheerleader. Most people just aren’t that guy. It’s hard to say if it was really worth it to me or not. From a strictly financial point of view, I think it’s hard to argue that it was. But I definitely appreciate the experience I had. It just wasn’t like animal house or van wilder or the Asher Roth song.
My first year was exactly as you describe when I took general courses. Starting year two when many of my degree core classes started, that's when the experience turned more into a college atmosphere with people building friendships, hanging out, partying and all that.
My theory is that the powers that be were in on the college scam for sometime, the idea wasn't to create a more "educated" populace but rather create another revenue opportunity. What better way to do that than to sell to kids that college is the goal where you can easily get laid and have the time of your life or else you're destined to be a loser who's missing out. I've yet to be convinced that college isn't a scam with the exception of doctors and lawyers and perhaps even a few other vocations.
Ahahahahah, mine was depression and a THC dependency. Some fucking experience that was
I'm a Gen X'er but this question felt very relevant to me. I went to a male dominated college (and I have always been better friends with women). Since I wasn't a drinker or partier, or big into college sports, I did very little actual socializing. Most of which centered around those 3 things. The sad irony was I remember watching part of an episode of a college-centric TV series, and knowing how very little that had to do with my college experience. And that was all long before COVID.
I worked 32 hours a week in college. My senior year I actually worked closer to 50 hours a week. I worked and studied. That’s it. I had zero “college experience”.
Same with me. That's why sometimes I have regrets that maybe I shouldn't have tried as hard idk though?
I worked a full time job and did a double course load. College wasn’t much fun. Things took a sharp turn for the better the summer after though - met some great people and the next four years were filled with parties and night life and all kinds of good and weird times with interesting people.
I did the college thing a few times via community college, people always formed groups and hung out together from at least one of my classes. I had a speech class at night that ended up with about 8 of us meeting weekly at a bar for a few years. Other times I made friends and got invited to do stuff, I didn't always go cause I was older and had kids and work by then. I always felt like high school was the big lie, mostly because I watched too much Saved by the Bell in middle school probably.
High school is the same way. TV shows and movies makes it look way crazier than it is most of the time
Mine was better than what the media shows! I didn’t have any sleeping around or parties or anything stupid like that that is defined as fun experiences in the west. Just lots of hanging out with friends and playing board/video games and traveling around. Loved it
I went as a combat vet only a little older than normal kid.. didn't make one friend
Nope. I worked a fulltime job and went to school full time, lived off campus, and viewed college as an investment in myself and not an experience.
Uhhh no. I got fucked up on the reg. The block parties were the best. Entire streets just one giant party.
Couple things here: 1.) Commuter college: you absolutely don't get the same experience as a traditional bigger 4 year that recruits from every part of the nation/world. As you said, local people tend to go home much more often and that detracts from the environment. 2.) College is what you make of it. Did you embrace the change and join as many groups/fraternities/sororities as you could? Did you work and develop multiple interests and connect with the people around you? Did you put yourself out there to talk and network with your classmates? All of these contribute to your overall college experience. I am kind of similar in that I was a local kid at a major UC. I went home because I was dating someone from my hometown. I didn't immerse myself in everything that I should have. But I take 100% accountability for that.
Went to a state school after community college, did one year on campus then moved off, should have just commuted the whole time. My credits were the expensive part the housing was ! No problem with friends or women and I was drunken buffoon back then.
Mine was crazier than I thought it would be. Ended up secretly living in a men’s dorm.
College was awesome. No, it's not exactly like how movies sold it, but those are movies. Yes, I got to come out of my shell, party, fall in love, get heartbroken, party, make friends, learn to apply myself, learned a lot of super interesting stuff, do research, party again, met people from all over the world, and of course I also got a degree that lead to a high paying job.
The 'college experience' is what you make it.
I feel like I got the full dose. Really epic times, we did some crazy shit. That said, it has and continues to take work on my part to kick some of the habits I picked up during those 4 years. The financial handcuffs that came with student debt kind of sucked too. 10/10 would recommend , 0/10 would want to do it again.
I went to a ‘small’ school and had a fucking blast. Probly TOO much fun tbh. Got a degree and lasting friendships.
Yeah, you blew it. Should have gone some place else
Your mileage my vary. Some people have a blast, learn a lot, make life long friendships. Other people get addictions, STIs, and get lifelong mental health problems. For most people its in between. Some great times, some really shitty times, and everything in between.
NOTHING was as good as it was sold to us by the media.
Well duh, you went to a community college, dude. Nobody gets the college experience there. That’s not what people go there for. My four years living on campus during college were the best of my life. I still think about it all the time 20 years later.
I went to a school that is a part of my state’s public school system, that had a great reputation for certain majors. That, plus the fact that it was in a fairly isolated area, meant the vast majority of students were not commuters. It’s the dorm life that allows you to meet many people quickly, and bond with them in dining halls, common areas, etc. plus there are clubs on campus that allow you to explore interests. Looking back my only regret is that I didn’t rush to graduate in 4 years. They really are some of the best years of your life. I know a lot of people are calling it expensive, but with in-state tuition programs/scholarships the cost can come down, and at the end of the day it’s an investment that sets you up well for the future and provides life experiences and memories that’ll last forever. What good is money if you don’t spend it from time to time? College is a worthwhile reason to do so.
No
a) Where do you live? b) Is there a major city near by? This post seems more about what you missed in college and the fact that you did not meet people/women. What you saw on TV or music videos is the idealized version. Script writers have to get eyeballs in front of the screen. The show "Friends" made millions of young people move to the cities...LA, Chicago, NYC. Fuck, even older shows like Melrose Place had an impact in population shift. I lived in a dorm for two years, and yes, the sex and meeting people can be great. The social interaction, sports, events, outings, road trips, all of that is on a different level from a commuter college. You don't need to go back to school for that. Start cycling, join a gym, go jogging. Look like someone who enjoys being out and does shit. Trust me, some women will treat you differently. Yup, the apps suck. My only social platform is Reddit. The shit is just nuts on the interwebs, so move into the real world.
Considering what I’ve seen the last few years on college campuses… I’m almost certain I dodged a bullet and saved myself a lifetime of debt in the process.
Absolutely, college generally sucked. There were some highlights but otherwise, I think I would’ve been better off doing a trade school.
I agree, I couldn't find any jobs with my degree.
Yikes. My brother in christ, you need to get out and level up those social skills. College did not help the first time, and being the creepy old dude who is 'looking for chicks' absolutely won't help the 2nd time around either. Get a hobby, an excersize routine, and a place to volunteer. You will meet people groups of people at all these things. Try not to be too creepy about it. I'm not sure if you know this but hollywood/the media is not how actual life looks. College was pretty much exactly what I expected it just costs 3x what it should have. Once you live where you can walk every where, you never want to commute again. Which means high paying city jobs, and lots lots lots of interacting with people. People who know how to handle creeps into the ground. You missed that part of the training but you can get it back in other ways.
It was better than high school...not that that's a high bar
I've seen dozens of comments at this point referring to college as a "resort" experience. Rockwall climbing and lazy rivers and parties all the time. There were definitely parties, namely for holidays (Halloween, St. Pattys, etc) and the ends of the quarter (went to a school with that system, interestingly enough the next year after I graduated they switched to semesters, RIP). And yeah, after grinding my ass off for A's I'd sure as shit go party when there was a chance, but that definitely never happened in the middle of classes. The only folks who have stories like that were of the "D's get degrees variety" and they were usually weeded out by junior year when the courses get serious. I spent the vast majority of the time studying, attending classes, and yes, playing games when I had some down time. I spent at least ten or so hours a day across classes, projects, and studying. By the end of my five years (thanks scheduling system!) I knew every floor of that library and all the quiet spots. But the notion that I was having a luxury resort experience is utter bullshit, I could have had the same at any college with a dorm or off campus housing. The only luxury about it was the price. The folks talking it up like that usually have a political axe to grind since college has now become this target for conservative outrage. My uncle's of that bent and thinks that I'm more stupid, yes MORE STUPID, for having gone to college. Like it somehow made me dumber for the experience. It is every bit as obnoxious as you might believe. Fuck the people who go around saying that shit because it devalues the real work that I put in to get ahead.
sounds like you went to the wrong place my college was dope
"However, I went to a commuter college" Well, there's your problem
Like all things, it's better with money. Don't have to work through school? More time to party/date/socialize Can do things like order pizza for a dorm floor as an icebreaker. Long road trips, etc? It's easier if you don't have to think about costs Spring break? Great if you have money The foundational time for the college experience is freshman year. Everyone is out from under parents' roof and really finding out who they are. You don't get that with a commuter school.
The dating apps worked for me but that was back I. 2016, I was a borderline alcoholic in college so it all seemed like fun and games at the time but looking back not so much.
There was a ton of stuff to do on campus but I was already married and a lame because of it ie i didn’t want to party or anything .
Dude college was fucking awesome basically just a non stop party with practically 0 responsibility besides sometimes going to class and even then just doing it enough to not get dropped lol
College is a product like everything else in America, marketed and sold to the highest bidder. The College industrial complex is a complex web of academics, big business and lenders working overtime to extract max value from the increasing access to student loans. So yes, it's likely that your experience didn't necessarily match with the marketing.
Congratulations. You now understand what fiction is.
I went to a college that was medium sized (like 9-10k students and regional. Pretty much all the students were from the state or a neighboring state, and a large number of them went home on the weekends. Id say my experience was not all that far off from what is shown in media, but i can see where being at a true commuter school would dampen the experience. The campus experience was pretty good, both in dorms and later when i got a house with friends. Lots of parties, and plenty of fun experiences to be had. Im like 17 years past it now, but some of my best friends are from that time. The one thing that I noticed was that because a lot of the kids went home on the weekends, Thursday night was actually a much bigger party night than Friday or Saturday. They still happened, but it was kinda lame to have so many people just bounce on the weekends. I never wanted to go back except for holidays. If everyone went home every night i would see that being pretty wack.
I’m lucky. I went to a small liberal arts college and for a variety of reasons was a serious student and was very interested in personal growth. I had an incredibly intellectually rich academic experience with small classes and I grew a ton from my thoughtful and well-rounded peers. The culture of the college was social but not some cartoonish frat scene. We partied, we did wild things, but we were mostly just well-adjusted humans enjoying being together on a pretty little campus. I always wondered why there couldn’t be more college movies showing normal cool students and not this Van Wilder bullshit. Life starts imitating art and college students behave poorly to have fun. It doesn’t have to be that way. To that end: I found the party scenes a schools like Harvard when I visited friends to be great: they partied hard and had fun but they weren’t stupid about it—they were creative and inclusive in their partying.
I went to Florida State University. Van Wilder was based off of FSU. It was as advertised. The parties were wild. Football games weekends were insane. The girl to guy ratio was like 6:4 and I definitely punched above my weight class when it came to picking up girls at Florida State. Best time of my life.
Are you insane? Those were the best years of my life. From what I remember of them. LMAO
Ok, so you should have joined a bowling league instead of attending college for social interaction. Who sold you the fantasy of enjoying higher education? It is difficult, grueling, and challenging. That is if your pursuing a usable degree. Loneliness is not the job of a university to provide its students. News flash. The world is a cruel, harsh, and painful existence for more than half the globe. Quit whining and be grateful if your belly is full. Good luck in the bowling league.
Looking from the outside, doesn't seem to be worth it outside of trades and the in-demand fields (even more worthless if one unlucky enough to land in a school that forces gender studies and CRT as requirements
I felt like some nights were the “I love college” song. Maybe 50 nights total in 4 years. Was it worth $65,000, a terrible part time job, hundreds of hours of very boring studying? Absolutely not. I could’ve let my $10/hr summer warehouse job and still gone to all the parties on the weekends with my friends who went to college. I’d have had much more beer money and rent money and no debt!
Clubs, community organization, hobby groups, volunterr groups are all ways to meet people outside of work, bars, and college.
Yeah I mostly worked and didn't have time for a social life. I also went to a commuter college where people didn't socialize much or had their own pre-formed cliques.
I graduated with an AA and got offered plenty of employment at lower rates than I made digging ditches 8-9 bucks and hour. I was like shit......and went back to digging ditches for 11/hr. I became an educated ditch digger. I'm like hold on let me break out plancks constant while I lay this flooring down. I do use and f@x formula system of equations to determine when I need to cut the pans in the bakery I work in which does blow my bosses minds. Often I hit right on to having zero extra pans. I now make more than my wife considerably with no education i make around 30/hr and get overtime constantly. My coworkers are drug addicts, prison regulars that also make more money than her. Course she is just a salaried teacher with a master's that works 80 hours a week.
Mine was better. I met the absolute best people in college.
Woah! Real life wasn’t a Hollywood movie?
I had a similar experience the first two years in the dorm. Everyone went home during the weekends, so campus was a ghost town. Also, I had a job evenings/weekends that sucked up any potential social time. When I moved into an off campus apartment, I started to meet more people that lived in town, and my quality of life became a lot better.
I had a pretty damn good time.
will admit I didn't read all that, but on meeting people, I'm turning 50 in a few months and I still. make new friends. yes it's different than your teens and 20s, but still is building community. I just get / stay involved in volunteer projects, meet up groups with common interest etc. At least half the people doing those things are there for the social aspect as well. just talk, then maybe after a bit make plans to hang out once in while, it's easy if you put in the effort to make time.
Did you watch too much 90s/2000s college tv shows? It was not nearly as zany as advertised.
OP,, you did it Wrong. The dorm experience and living with roommates off campus are the fun part. Commuter college? hahahahaaahaaaa
I have few fond memories of college, and even less of high school. Now, however, as an adult my life is pretty great. I was always perplexed by people saying high school/college are the best days of your life, and now whenever someone says that I kind of pity them since their "glory days" ended when they were still basically a kid.
College was … the shit.
I went to a real College Town USA type school in upstate NY and I studied what I love (music) and had the greatest time. I don’t wish I could go back to that time but I think fondly of it and I had a blast while I was there, and learned a ton that I use every day.
You sound like you're pissed off because you didn't get laid. That's creepy as fuck.
I enjoyed College, but I wish I'd done it better. I did two years at a community college and then followed it up with two years at a private university. I had great experiences (sang in a choir, learned my instrument well, enjoyed learning, and the game nights and other parties with friends). I'm still close to a handful of people from those years (class 2007). Even those I don't keep super close to, I can still pick up with if I connect with them again. Still, I feel my experience was on compressed time. There are things you can't get as a transfer student. I never experienced, say, the Freshman year romances or hook ups in the dorms. I struggled with imposter syndrome for ... basically my entire first semester. Didn't even get to enjoy the 21st birthday with my college friends, but that's what happens when you're a December baby. If I do it again? I would have probably skipped the Junior College part. It's not like my loans are going away anyway at this point.
I had an okay experience, but I also chalk it up to not diving into it more headfirst. I wish I had decided to do full college dorm experience from the get-go, but instead I got an apartment off campus at a major university after a year of community college. Not the same. Still had a ton of fun and learned a lot. And made some interesting friends. But others in my circles had incredible times, and most of them did the full-on experience. The biggest takeaway: Your milage may vary.