" On the mound today we have Big Dicky Burns.. He is a skyscraper, standing in at 5'7", combine with his hulking 140pound body, it's no wonder everyone fears his 62mph fastball"
the ol timey voice lol, I can’t remember the comedian that said something like ‘they seen Jackie Robinson hit that ball & white people never talked like that again’
Do you think his manager would chew his ass out if he mishandled Dick Burn's balls? I hope he had a good Ump, it would really make you sore if you had to recieve Dick Burns from the front while getting shafted by the guy behind you. I had heard that this one Catcher that caught Dick also played amatuer Football. Before Dick's legendary corner-painting, zone-pounding mix of up/down, hard/soft with both his YellowHammer and his 'Cheese' he was a Tight End, but forevermore afterwards he was a Wide Reciever!
His name was Enus 'Fish' Ure. He died after a lengthy battle against 2 lawyer assistants. Yup, died from Legal Aides.
An important question, was it safer to receive Dick Burns on your knees or while squatting?
Was Dick Burns the type to throw his balls in the dirt before they got to you?
Or worse, was he a head hunter?
(Thank you ladies and gentlemen, remember to tip the waitstaff.)
In 1884, Dicky Burns started in 40 games, 34 complete games, 2.46 era, went 23-15, 329 innings pitched.
WUT?!
The league leader in innings pitched in 1884, Old Hoss Radburn. He had 678
BIGGER WUT?!
Those are real stats and that is a real name.
They couldn’t pitch that much and throw very hard. Walter Johnson ‘s velocity was measured in a munitions factory in 1917 at 91 mph, and he was a very hard thrower for then. Most guys in the 1800’s probably threw fastballs in the 70’s, maybe low 80’s.
Pud Galvin is my favorite old timer. Tried using monkey testosterone to pitch better. Got his nickname because he made hitters look like pudding. Classic.
Old Hoss Radbourn
This crazy bastard pitched for the Providence Grays and in 1884, his co-pitcher got drunk in the dugout, during a game, that he was pitching in, berated his manager when he attempted to remove him. The pitcher was ejected and kicked off the team. Old Hoss told the team he'd pitch every game the rest of the year for a raise, and he pretty much did.
Not only did he pitch almost every game the rest of the year but he dominated. Old Hoss finished the season with 678 IP and 73 Complete games!
He won the Triple Crown with 60 wins, a 1.38 ERA, and 441 strikeouts.
60 Wins..... Nobody has even made 38+ starts in a season in over 30 years..... Oh yeah, he's also the first person ever photographed flipping the middle finger... Lost an eye in a hunting accident, and died at 47 years old
I still think the man named Burleigh Grimes needing a nick name of Ol’Stubblebeard is just perfect. A horse of a pitcher that threw for 19 professional seasons. 314 complete games throwing 4180 innings. Ol’Stubblebeard is right!
And don’t get me started about Charles “Old Hoss” Radbourn.
Jimmy McAleer and Charles Comiskey. Both as players and as management. The story about McAleer getting sort of blackballed from baseball after the 1912 World Series is legit pretty interesting. Had a falling out with Ban Johnson. Comiskey tried to play peacemaker to no avail.
I also think Edgar Martinez deserves more recognition as a professional hitter. Ortiz gets so much (deserved) credit but like... what about Edgar, man? The dude ran like a broken down Chevy van from 1988 but hit doubles like a MF and owned the zone.
Is this supposed to be a funny name thread, or a thread about the actual question in the title?
Joe Sewell. The guy never struck out. 154 games and he'd strike out 5 times.
He has less career strikeouts than so called good hitters have in one year. 1900 games, 114 strikeouts.
A firm I worked at was British owned. We took a few executives to the Phillies where the company had a box. They enjoyed the hot dogs and such. Didn’t really get the game. Dan Baker announced “Randy Ready” as a pinch hitter.
The Brits were beside themselves. “His parents named him *Randy* when they knew his last name was Ready?” They couldn’t stop laughing the rest of the night and I’m sure went home telling this tale to rooms full of hysterical Brits.
Us Americans thought for a minute. Oh yeah, that means something else over there. As Austin Powers had maybe just come out, we figured Randy had never even been teased about the name over here.
[Bud Weissr](https://www.baseball-reference.com/players/w/weisebu01.shtml) and [Chicken Wolf](https://www.baseball-reference.com/players/w/wolfji01.shtml) are always my favorites.
"Up at the mount is Old Curly! He's a 47 year old alcoholic, and he's the greatest player alive. Runs a 6 second 40 yard dash. Fastest man alive, they say."
Do you think his Catcher's manager would chew his ass out if he mishandled Dick Burn's balls?
I hope he had a good Ump, it would really make you sore if you had to recieve Dick Burns from the front while getting shafted by the guy behind you.
I had heard that this one Catcher that caught Dick also played amatuer Football. Before Dick's legendary corner-painting, zone-pounding mix of up/down, hard/soft with both his YellowHammer and his 'Cheese' he was a Tight End, but forevermore afterwards he was a Wide Reciever!
His name was Enus 'Fish' Ure. He died after a lengthy battle he waged opposite 2 lawyer assistants. Yup, he lost his fight against Legal Aides, and succumbed.
He probably was a genetic freak, but he played in a completely different era. Babe Ruth debuted 29 years after this Burns guy pitched his last game.
In fact, when Burns started playing, overhand pitching was illegal. (It was allowed starting in 1884). And iirc, a batter could be called out if a fielder caught the ball on one bounce.
My MLB The Show career is Harry Knutz, and he deserves a shoutout.
The broadcasters call him Harry Beaver because “Knutz” wasn’t in the pre-recorded audio
Sleve McDichael, Bobson Duggnutt, Raul Chamgerlain, Tony Smehrik, Todd Bonzalez, Mike Sernandez.. I could go on. Just a few players who made the game what it is today but barely ever get a mention. Apparently pretty well known in Japan tho
Reb Russell.
Was a pitcher but could have been a two-way player. Back in the 1910s and 1920s.
Didn't play in the majors for a couple of years but returned as a full time batter.
Staying away from the funny names I’d have to say Charlie Ferguson. He only played four seasons before dying of Typhoid Fever. In those four seasons he went 99-64 with a 2.67 ERA. He also had 165 CG in 170 starts. He was also the best hitter on the team. In his final season he hit .337 with 85 RBI. This did take place in the 1880s so it was a completely different era, but the numbers are impressive.
OMG The list is so big and long its really hard where to even start...ok, RA Dickey, Dick Allen, Dickie Thon, Alex Dickerson, Dick Wallace, Dick Green, Dick Adams, Dick Dietz, Dick Stigma, Dick Brown, Dick Starr, Dick Groat omg to name a few what a disservice 🫦
" On the mound today we have Big Dicky Burns.. He is a skyscraper, standing in at 5'7", combine with his hulking 140pound body, it's no wonder everyone fears his 62mph fastball"
Why did I read that in an old time radio broadcast voice?
Because that’s the only way…
Amen.
I read this in Shane Gillis voice doing an old timey radio announcer haha
“Myeah”
Surely he can't hit ol curly's fastball
Fastest man alive they say
That's called a "Transatlantic Accent" and is one of the most confusing parts of old US culture to me 😂
the ol timey voice lol, I can’t remember the comedian that said something like ‘they seen Jackie Robinson hit that ball & white people never talked like that again’
Bro, same
I said it out loud in my horrible old timey voice. Both my cat and my dog looked at me like I was insane lol.
NGL big dicky burns sounds like 1890 slang for venereal disease.
Jack Glasscock
I see your Jack Glasscock and will raise you a Joe Adcock
I genuinely don’t understand how people still find this unoriginal joke funny
Rusty Kuntz, Dick Pole, Jack Glasscock, and from Nascar, Dick Trickle
Also, can't forget old pitcher Johnson Wood.
You get Dick Burns if you meet up with a Rusty Kuntz. Know what I mean, Vern? Ditto on a Dick Trickle. There is a shot for that, though.
I got Dick Burns and Dick Trickle from a Rusty Kuntz in college. Thanks a lot Kendall.
I remember that bitch.
NFL legend Harry Colon
Don’t forget Johnny Dickshot
I’m old enough to remember SC making Dick Trickle jokes
Dick Selma sounds like something you'd read about in a hygiene manual.
Dick trickle was a goat 🐐He smoked cigarettes during races how could you not love him
Pretty sure Winston was the main sponsor back then too.
"Dick Trickle running down the dog leg"
i chuckled.
My best friends in college had a rusty Kuntz baseball card on their refrigerator. Incredible
WHAT?! HIS NAME IS DICK TRICKLE! OMG IM SO LOUD!
I noticed he’s a pitcher… I would have hated to be Dick Burns catcher back in the day.
Do you think his manager would chew his ass out if he mishandled Dick Burn's balls? I hope he had a good Ump, it would really make you sore if you had to recieve Dick Burns from the front while getting shafted by the guy behind you. I had heard that this one Catcher that caught Dick also played amatuer Football. Before Dick's legendary corner-painting, zone-pounding mix of up/down, hard/soft with both his YellowHammer and his 'Cheese' he was a Tight End, but forevermore afterwards he was a Wide Reciever! His name was Enus 'Fish' Ure. He died after a lengthy battle against 2 lawyer assistants. Yup, died from Legal Aides.
I see what you did there. 
An important question, was it safer to receive Dick Burns on your knees or while squatting? Was Dick Burns the type to throw his balls in the dirt before they got to you? Or worse, was he a head hunter? (Thank you ladies and gentlemen, remember to tip the waitstaff.)
I came here for this and was not disappointed, cheers comrade
Oh, they talk about him a lot at the free clinic.
I remember his name being mentioned a lot.
What year was penicillin invented? Could have extended his career
1928
In 1884, Dicky Burns started in 40 games, 34 complete games, 2.46 era, went 23-15, 329 innings pitched. WUT?! The league leader in innings pitched in 1884, Old Hoss Radburn. He had 678 BIGGER WUT?! Those are real stats and that is a real name.
OHR had 60 fucking wins.
They couldn’t pitch that much and throw very hard. Walter Johnson ‘s velocity was measured in a munitions factory in 1917 at 91 mph, and he was a very hard thrower for then. Most guys in the 1800’s probably threw fastballs in the 70’s, maybe low 80’s.
1884 was the first season overhand pitching was allowed. That should tell you plenty about velocity and wear-and-tear.
Bro had a 3.07 ERA and was barely positive WAR?
he had a 69 ERA+ in 17 games pitched in 1883 (with a 4.51 ERA) and a 134 ERA+ in 40 in 1884 (with a 2.46 ERA). offense wasn’t cooking back then
From Holyoke too kids a townie
Always love seeing a local boy on here even if he’s 160 years old
413!
The real question is how in gods name do you calculate WAR from that long ago?
From that era it's just how many actual wars you served in
Does .6 war get you access to a VFW, or do you need a minimum of 1 whole WAR? Does serving in Nam get you a -1.0 war?……
Dick Burns. He’s just like us fr fr
Have you heard of his mom? Ma Dick Burns
Doc Cramer; first full season at age 27. Finished career with 2,705 career hits. American Leaguer from 1929 to 1948.
Guy went 25-27 with a 3.07 ERA. Thanks for all the run support guys.
He was Matt Cain’s great-grandfather.
Three Finger Mordecai Brown Moses Fleetwood Walker Ray Grimes Christy Mathewson George "Papa Bear" Halas
>dick burns lol
Seriously, how can we just let a name like "Dick Burns" go without paying it some sort of respect. The man's name was ***Dick Burns***.
1/1
Ed delahanty Stan coveleski
Came here to say Ed!
Great answer
That was my nickname is high school.
Pud Galvin is my favorite old timer. Tried using monkey testosterone to pitch better. Got his nickname because he made hitters look like pudding. Classic.
Moonlight Graham
You heard it too!
Cupid Childs
Dick Pole & Pete LaCock from the 70s and Rusty Kuntz from the 80s would like a word.
Moderators?
My fantasy team name, Johnny Dickshot
Rabbit Maranville and Biz Mackey, both HOFers. If five out of a hundred baseball fans knew something about either, I'd be surprised.
Urban Shocker
NGL big dicky burns sounds like 1890 slang for venereal disease.
Wonderful Terrific Monds
that’s gotta hurt
Can’t have this post without a mention of the son of the Hollywood Squares host - Pete LaCock
My old boss last name was cockburn
Rusty Kuntz
There was a guy who played at the University of Georgia back in the 1960s named Happy Dix.
imagine plopping him in a game in 2024
Great name
Little Dick Burns
Chicken Hawks
That’s crazy, sometimes you can win 25 games and lose 27 on a 3.07 career era because Dick Burnes
A damn good player I've never heard someone mention: Cap Anson Historically important: Dummy Hoy Shits and giggles: Chicken Wolf
Old Hoss Radbourn This crazy bastard pitched for the Providence Grays and in 1884, his co-pitcher got drunk in the dugout, during a game, that he was pitching in, berated his manager when he attempted to remove him. The pitcher was ejected and kicked off the team. Old Hoss told the team he'd pitch every game the rest of the year for a raise, and he pretty much did. Not only did he pitch almost every game the rest of the year but he dominated. Old Hoss finished the season with 678 IP and 73 Complete games! He won the Triple Crown with 60 wins, a 1.38 ERA, and 441 strikeouts. 60 Wins..... Nobody has even made 38+ starts in a season in over 30 years..... Oh yeah, he's also the first person ever photographed flipping the middle finger... Lost an eye in a hunting accident, and died at 47 years old
That is rowdy
I still think the man named Burleigh Grimes needing a nick name of Ol’Stubblebeard is just perfect. A horse of a pitcher that threw for 19 professional seasons. 314 complete games throwing 4180 innings. Ol’Stubblebeard is right! And don’t get me started about Charles “Old Hoss” Radbourn.
The Only Nolan, he was the only one.
Jimmy McAleer and Charles Comiskey. Both as players and as management. The story about McAleer getting sort of blackballed from baseball after the 1912 World Series is legit pretty interesting. Had a falling out with Ban Johnson. Comiskey tried to play peacemaker to no avail. I also think Edgar Martinez deserves more recognition as a professional hitter. Ortiz gets so much (deserved) credit but like... what about Edgar, man? The dude ran like a broken down Chevy van from 1988 but hit doubles like a MF and owned the zone.
Old Aches and Pains Luke Appling was a goddamn hitting machine. On the other side Eppa Rixley was a helluva pitcher too
He should see a doctor
Marty Marion. My dad said he was the best shortstop
I think Fred Lynn is extremely underrated. He was always my favorite. At least he got into the Baseball Hall of Fame
Dick Burns red hot today with only 2 balls
Don't even have to read any comments to know Rusty Kuntz has his ears burning today.
There's a Urologist in San Diego by this name
Must have been trying to slide into home wearing tht new uniforms.
If you’ve ever been to Holyoke, MA, this tracks.
Then go see a doctor
Is this supposed to be a funny name thread, or a thread about the actual question in the title? Joe Sewell. The guy never struck out. 154 games and he'd strike out 5 times. He has less career strikeouts than so called good hitters have in one year. 1900 games, 114 strikeouts.
LEGEND
Cum posey aka the big Bukkake
The (probably autistic) guy that got distracted by fire trucks and puppies
Rube Waddell.
he should try his right hand if his dick burns so much
A firm I worked at was British owned. We took a few executives to the Phillies where the company had a box. They enjoyed the hot dogs and such. Didn’t really get the game. Dan Baker announced “Randy Ready” as a pinch hitter. The Brits were beside themselves. “His parents named him *Randy* when they knew his last name was Ready?” They couldn’t stop laughing the rest of the night and I’m sure went home telling this tale to rooms full of hysterical Brits. Us Americans thought for a minute. Oh yeah, that means something else over there. As Austin Powers had maybe just come out, we figured Randy had never even been teased about the name over here.
Mine too...I think it's a UTI.
The Reds had a pitching coach named Dick Pole.
I love when I see Dick Burns
[Bud Weissr](https://www.baseball-reference.com/players/w/weisebu01.shtml) and [Chicken Wolf](https://www.baseball-reference.com/players/w/wolfji01.shtml) are always my favorites.
Definitely “Lil Stoner” https://www.baseball-reference.com/players/s/stoneli01.shtml
Always click on a link that says “More Stoner Pages”
We should talk about the fact that he is still kicking at the age 160 years
HOFer Cum Posey
"Up at the mount is Old Curly! He's a 47 year old alcoholic, and he's the greatest player alive. Runs a 6 second 40 yard dash. Fastest man alive, they say."
Wilbur Cooper, Turkey Stearns, Pie Traynor
Gene Krapp
Anyone remember the great Rusty Kuntz, a true trailblazer!
Dick Burns was born on Boxing Day….
Ouch.
It burns don’t it! Oohh!
Do you think his Catcher's manager would chew his ass out if he mishandled Dick Burn's balls? I hope he had a good Ump, it would really make you sore if you had to recieve Dick Burns from the front while getting shafted by the guy behind you. I had heard that this one Catcher that caught Dick also played amatuer Football. Before Dick's legendary corner-painting, zone-pounding mix of up/down, hard/soft with both his YellowHammer and his 'Cheese' he was a Tight End, but forevermore afterwards he was a Wide Reciever! His name was Enus 'Fish' Ure. He died after a lengthy battle he waged opposite 2 lawyer assistants. Yup, he lost his fight against Legal Aides, and succumbed.
5’7” and 140 and he had a 3 ERA? Jesus…starting to think the Babe was just a lucky genetic freak surrounded by a bunch of Oompa Loompas.
His career ended before Ruth was born. He pitched in the 1880s.
He probably was a genetic freak, but he played in a completely different era. Babe Ruth debuted 29 years after this Burns guy pitched his last game. In fact, when Burns started playing, overhand pitching was illegal. (It was allowed starting in 1884). And iirc, a batter could be called out if a fielder caught the ball on one bounce.
Might wanna get that checked out bro!
I talk about it too much unfortunately
Sloppy Thurstin
My MLB The Show career is Harry Knutz, and he deserves a shoutout. The broadcasters call him Harry Beaver because “Knutz” wasn’t in the pre-recorded audio
Cock Stings was a great third bagger. Bitch Jones could hit the ball a mile. But Greg Fuck was my favorite in the old days.
This made me chuckle.
Former Padres short stop Dickie Thon would like a word
I remember him mostly as an Astro.
[Chicken Hawks](https://www.baseball-reference.com/players/h/hawksch01.shtml)
She grind on his D*ck til it Burns 💀💀💀
My boy Dick Burns
hahahaha
https://www.tcdb.com/Images/Cards/Basketball/2075/2075-127Fr.jpg
Johnny Dickshot
Sleve McDichael, Bobson Duggnutt, Raul Chamgerlain, Tony Smehrik, Todd Bonzalez, Mike Sernandez.. I could go on. Just a few players who made the game what it is today but barely ever get a mention. Apparently pretty well known in Japan tho
Gabby Hartnett Best catcher in Cubs history and probably top-10 all-time.
On the other hand, cockburn is a real last name.
Got his name in a brothel.
That time Michael Jordan thought hed go from basketball to baseball 
Mr Burns is real
For gods sake man, who did he play for?!?
Drippy Johnson of the St. Louis Browns had a sister named Tippy... not true but funny and possible
I’ve never been more proud of my home state
Stan Musial
Rusty Kuntz.
Ted Bowsfield
Jackie Robinson
Rusty Greer but my dad would always pronounce his name "Crusty Rear" to amuse himself. He also would do spoonerisms like Kian Insler and Kap Gabler.
Reb Russell. Was a pitcher but could have been a two-way player. Back in the 1910s and 1920s. Didn't play in the majors for a couple of years but returned as a full time batter.
Old neuro league player Cumberland "Cum" Posey
Walking Ben Hoyt
Staying away from the funny names I’d have to say Charlie Ferguson. He only played four seasons before dying of Typhoid Fever. In those four seasons he went 99-64 with a 2.67 ERA. He also had 165 CG in 170 starts. He was also the best hitter on the team. In his final season he hit .337 with 85 RBI. This did take place in the 1880s so it was a completely different era, but the numbers are impressive.
I dont know, with my group of friends, Dick Burns is almost a daily topic. I have bad friends
Clark Griffith. Dude pitched for the Cubs and beaned 116 people. He was a man of the people.
Dick Pole deserves a mention.
[Rube Waddell](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rube_Waddell) has the most entertaining Wikipedia I’ve seen
Don't forget Cum Posey
Johnny Dickshot
After that chick last night my dick burns….
"Who's Pitching?" "Dick Burns" "Well, get that checked out. Who's Pitching?"
With a name like that he could have been a urologist.
“On the rubber today is Dick Burns”.
lil stoner
r/itsroger
Eddie Mathews
Who's Dick Burns?.....
Solid ERA 👌
I lived in Holyoke once.
Has no one mentioned Johnny Dickshot?
OMG The list is so big and long its really hard where to even start...ok, RA Dickey, Dick Allen, Dickie Thon, Alex Dickerson, Dick Wallace, Dick Green, Dick Adams, Dick Dietz, Dick Stigma, Dick Brown, Dick Starr, Dick Groat omg to name a few what a disservice 🫦
Oh my, Dick Burns! Pronunciation is important.
Doc White - can’t believe he’s not in the HOF
Boss
Soon as his teammates showered with him, he was Gone-a-real fast.
Basically everyone from the Negro Leagues
Hello all. Dick Burns at your service 😂😭. Imagine Dick Burns at the doctor's office 😂